Fuller House (2016) s01e01 Episode Script

1 Hey, Tommy.
You didn't see Grandpa drop this bread, did you? Good.
I'll just feed it to Joey.
- Morning, Daniel.
- Morning.
Hey, Tommy.
Let's show your gramps the gift your Uncle J got you a onesie fit for a king.
Hey, Jess.
When will you give up this Elvis thing? It's childish.
In a bare-knuckle fight, Elvis destroys Bullwinkle every time.
He knows karate.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Here we go.
- Come on, King.
Good morning! - Man, oh, man.
I'm exhausted.
- Oh, yeah? From last night? No, from walking up and down all those stairs to the attic.
We made that climb every day for seven years? Uh-huh.
No wonder your butt was so firm.
What do you mean "was"? Let me Did I say "was"? I meant "is".
I didn't Kiss me.
It's so fun having you guys crashing here this weekend, but I've got to admit it is a little weird.
You know what's weird? Joey's 60 years old and still wearing the same Bugs Bunny pajamas.
Weird.
I'm 55-ish and these happen to be brand new.
Good morning! Morning! Morning! Morning! Morning! Did I miss anyone? - No, but I'll take seconds.
- Oh! Okay, I have 15 minutes to eat breakfast and then I have to go open the pet clinic.
Dad, remember, you're taking the boys to school.
- Got it! - You guys must be so pumped.
Moving to LA to host your own national morning show What's it called again? Waaaaaaake Up, USA! - Starring Danny Tanner.
- Well Really starring Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis.
Isn't she adorable? But my name's first.
Not that it matters.
But it matters.
Let's not forget about my new job.
I'm moving to LA because I'm the new music composer on my favorite soap opera, General Hospital.
They hire the best actors on there, don't they? Surprise! Hello! - Hello! - I thought you were stuck in England.
No, I just wanted to make a flashy entrance.
Steph, that accent's really cute.
Would you please stop doing it? What accent? Daddums, don't be daft.
Now, where's me little sis? Well, Michelle sends her love, but she's busy in New York running her fashion empire.
Oh.
Me.
That's me.
That was me.
- Joey! - Hi, Steph.
Hello.
How is Las Vegas treating you? Steph, I am doing ten shows a week at The Venetian.
And I don't like to brag, but I'm kicking Carrot Top's butt.
Here they are, still in college after six years, Nicky and Alex Katsopolis! We only need to pass two more classes to graduate.
So what's that, another three years? Dad, you're hilarious.
The best part about college is that we got hella good at surfing.
Eighty grand, so they can do this.
Time for breakfast! I have to get to work.
I've got a bride and groom whose dog swallowed their wedding ring.
That's what you get for making a beagle your best man.
Before we eat, I have something very important to say, okay? Damn, we all still look good! Especially me.
You guys teased me about the hair cream and all the moisturizer I used to use.
My face is like a baby's butt and I got a beautiful mane.
Hola, Tanneritos! Whoa! I'm having an acid flashback.
But I never dropped acid.
I did take an antacid once.
I must be having an antacid flashback.
Kimmy, why are you here, and why did I never fix the lock on that door? Dad, be nice.
Kimmy's helping me throw your going-away party.
I'm an event planner now.
When you're ready to party, do it Gibbler Style.
I don't know if I want to do anything Gibbler Style.
Well, the party tonight will be brilliant, since DJ Tanner will be spinning.
I am? Not you, D.
J.
Tanner Me, DJ Tanner.
That's my official DJ name.
You stole my name? Why couldn't you call yourself DJ Stephanie? Because there's already a DJ Stephanie.
There's already a D.
J.
Tanner! Aunt Stephy! Mighty Max! DJ Tanner! Action Jackson! Hello! Oh.
Here, boys.
I've brought you the hottest dance hits from the clubs of London.
For you and for you.
I'm sure there are no inappropriate references to drugs, sex, or violence on those songs.
And I'll be taking those right back.
Relax, Mom.
I already know all the bad words.
Darn, booger, and Donald Trump.
Becky, could you please pass the wa'er.
It's waa-ter.
Wa'er.
Waa-ter! Oh, just pass the OJ.
Dad, we never could have gotten through the past year without your help.
We really appreciate you taking us in.
Aw, honey.
I've loved having you here.
Oh, and I think I found the cutest little place for the boys and me.
You know, it just hit me what selling this house really means.
We're saying goodbye to our family home.
I feel like this is my house, too.
I was here more than my own home.
It makes me want to just kick off my shoes and put my feet up.
Yuck! How rude! Steph, is your accent gone? Testing.
One, two, water Oh, I'm American again! Once again, my feet save the day.
Yeah, but they smell like Trump.
What do you think? Too much? Oh, not enough.
Isn't this crazy? I wound up living back in my old bedroom.
I moved in here when I was five.
Yeah, and then I moved in.
Gosh.
And now here we are again.
It's the circle of life.
Oh, look! And there's Simba.
Tommy, say hi to your Aunt Stephanie.
Hi! Tommy, what's up, kid? How's it hanging? Hey, hey, my eyes are up here.
Yes.
I know these might look like lunch, but this Dairy Queen is closed, okay? Yes.
Here.
Just go right to Mommy.
There you go.
So, how are you holding up? Well, you know, I have three boys who count on me for everything, so I can't worry about the things I can't change.
My husband died doing what he loved fighting fires and helping people.
He'd want me to be strong.
I wish you'd spend time with your nephews.
They adore you.
Oh, same here, but you know me.
I've got my music, I love to sing, I love to travel, no strings, no responsibilities.
You have no idea how much fun it is being DJ Tanner.
Don't you ever want to have some kids and settle down? It sounds boring.
To me.
But it's perfect for you.
I mean, you're an amazing mom, just like you're an amazing big sister.
Well, not always.
Do you remember the day you moved in here? I put that rope across the room to keep you out of my half.
Yeah, you did.
And the only way to get out was by climbing up on the curtains, remember? I hopped on up on them, and I was like Whoa! Girls, what's going on in here? - Nothing.
- Nothing.
Who did this? - She did.
- She did.
- Liar! - Tattle-tale! - You think they should be grounded? - It was an accident.
- It will never happen again.
- Let's confer.
Alright.
Alright, girls, we've decided to have mercy.
- Say you're sorry.
- And I love you.
And hug it out.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
- I love you.
- I love you.
That never gets old.
Okay, go to the party! Okay.
Tommy's in the crib.
- Bye, girls.
Bye.
- Bye.
- We did good with those girls, huh? - We did alright, didn't we? We did great.
I can never thank you guys enough for all the sacrifices you made for my family.
Alright, come on in.
- Again? - Come in.
- Aw, jeez.
- Aw, jeez.
Alright, you guys go to the party.
I've got this.
- Really? - Yeah.
Don't worry, Tommy.
Joey's here.
And so is Mr.
Woodchuck.
Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop And the tree is made of wood Aw! There's the sexiest man alive.
Easy, Mrs.
Tanner.
There's kids and grandkids everywhere.
And a guy with a woodchuck puppet.
Okay, but by tomorrow night, we'll be living in LA, no kids around, and we can go right back to being wild and crazy.
I'll bring my feather duster.
I love when you talk clean to me.
Hey, you guys really dressed up.
T-shirts with no holes.
We made a big decision.
Right after we graduate, we're moving to LA to open our fish taco truck.
Good.
At least you have a plan.
Yeah, all we need is for you to buy us fish, tacos and a truck.
But until we hit it big, we're moving back in with you guys! Nobody panic.
Spill patrol, coming through.
Young Max, I like what I'm seeing.
- Want a piece of the action? - Do I ever! Extra-strong Febreeze, three-ply paper towel? You're cleaning at housekeeper level.
- Hi, Ramona! - Hi, D.
J.
- Fernando - D.
J.
Kimmy, your ex-husband is here! Uh-uh-uh.
Kimmy and I are temporarily separated.
I admit, it does not look good, but my goose is not officially cooked.
Fernando, this is a going away party.
So please, go away.
Kimberlina, mi amor.
You are looking fine as wine in the summertime.
Fernando, give up.
Never.
I'm not ashamed to admit My name is Fernando Hernandez-Guerrero-Fernandez-Guerrero, and I am a Kimmy Gibbler-aholic.
Kimmy Gibbler? My friend, I have seduced the most beautiful women in the world.
Yeah, some of them during our marriage.
Yes, I made one mistake.
Many, many times.
But no one has the skills of this enchantress.
Kimmy Gibbler knows things.
Long-lost secrets of the Kama Sutra from deepest, darkest India.
This Kimmy Gibbler? Yes, this Kimmy Gibbler.
Goodbye, Fernando.
Adios.
For now.
Ramona.
Adios, Papa.
Bye-bye.
Everyone, this is my daughter Ramona.
Hi, Ramona! Ramona, you know these people, right? I know these three.
My mom calls them Dreamy, Cleany, and Weenie.
It's time to take it back to the late '80s when this party got started! New Kids On The Block! Wow! Hey, Tanners, Fullers, Gibblers, Gladstone, Rippers, Katsopoli.
Hi.
Steve! Thanks for coming by.
Oh, my God.
Are you kidding? Free food! - So, how's Comet Junior Junior doing? - She's doing great.
She's about to go into labor.
But I'm the one putting on the pregnancy weight.
I think you look great.
So do you.
Deej, I know you're not ready to start something new, or restart something old, but I want you to know that when you're ready, I'll be right here.
Little weenie? Actually, I'll be right over there.
I love those.
So, Uncle Jesse, when did you get your first motorcycle? I was ten when I first started riding a Harley.
Ten? I'm 13 and I only have a dirt bike.
Remember this was the '70s, when nobody cared about kids getting hurt.
Jackson, go talk to Ramona.
Please don't make me.
Ramona's a pain in the butt.
You can't possibly still be upset about your sixth birthday.
She ruined my cowboy party.
She blew out my candles, she stole my wish, which was for her to leave, and then when she did leave, she rode away on the pony ride pony.
She's half Gibbler.
She knows not what she does.
Just say hi.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Put your phones away.
Put them away.
Talk.
Just catch up.
Look who's awake.
There's my baby boy.
Aunt Becky, you can give him back now.
Well, live it up now because the next thing you know, they turn into that.
Hi, Mom.
Wow.
I'm looking around the room and realizing that after tonight, everyone is going to be gone.
You're leaving.
You're leaving.
You're leaving.
You already left.
I hope you're leaving.
So it's just going to be me and the boys.
But we'll be fine.
There's lots of single moms.
I can do this.
I just want you all to know I love you so much.
- I love you.
- To family.
To family! To family.
And now, it's time to force Jesse to sing the song that we love and he hates.
It was a hit in Japan in 1992 and right now, let's make it a hit in our living room.
"Forever"! "Forever"! "Forever"! No, no, no, guys.
I've been singing "Forever" forever.
I'll never sing "Forever" as long as I live.
- But sweetheart, it's our wedding song.
- Hit it, Rippers! This song goes out to my beautiful Becky.
Thank you for 28 beautiful years.
I will love you forever.
If every word I said Could make you laugh I'd talk forever I ask the sky just what we had It shone forever Everybody, help out here.
Forever Forever I've been so happy loving you Let the love I have for you Live in your heart And beat forever Forever Forever I've been so happy loving you Alright, Jesse.
Let's keep this party going! - Ready, Rippers? - Yep.
Wild thing You make my heart sing Where are you going? You make everything groovy Come on, Mom.
Let's go home.
How did I do? 29 seconds.
You still have two more garbage bags to break your record.
Ready? Set? Hold on! Hold on! Your mom told Jackson to take out the trash.
He's using you.
Um, no I'm just giving my little brother a chance to set the world record in trash takeout.
Max, you don't have to do what he says.
Yeah, I do.
Jackson implanted a tiny explosive in my brain that he can detonate at any moment.
Oh, please.
He just stole that from Mission Impossible.
Max, Max, Max.
Don't listen to her.
Then do it.
Blow his head up.
Yeah.
Blow my head up.
Alright, fine.
I made it up.
How dare you! And you can start making your own bed, too.
Wow.
Thanks, Ramona.
I'm so glad I only see you once a year.
I'll time you.
Steve, here are all the leftovers.
Thank you.
Oh, hey, can I have those pudding cups, too? Those are for the kids.
Oh.
So I guess you're going to want these Lunchables back, then? Hey I had a good time tonight.
You know, it's funny.
I always thought you and me would wind up together.
Forever Forever I've been so happy Steve, Steve, Steve.
Just stick to podiatry.
You know what I super regret? I should have asked you to marry me at the prom.
Oh We were just kids.
We weren't ready for that.
But as I recall, you're the one that got married first.
Yeah.
That's my other big regret.
I lost half my money and half my hair.
But here we are now, right? Both single.
- And still great friends.
- Yeah, just great single friends.
Alright, well, I'd better go because these Otter Pops are starting to melt.
Aw, he is still pretty adorable.
Oh, awesome! I got my upgrade for my flight to Brazil tomorrow.
I can't believe you're leaving already.
I know.
I am booked solid for the next few months.
First I go to Ibiza and then Singapore and then Cleveland.
Wow, that's so cool.
I've always wanted to go to Cleveland.
After Dad leaves, this D.
J.
Tanner is booked solid, too.
Carpool me, laundry me, groceries me, Mommy and me me.
It's all me.
I've got the answer just never go to sleep.
Hola, Mr.
T.
Kimmy, why don't you ever knock? What if I was in my underwear? Nothing I haven't seen before.
My second-story window looked right into your bedroom.
Did you ever get that mole checked out? Why are you back here? We, at Gibbler's Style, always follow-up to make sure our clients are Gibbler satisfied.
Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually am Gibbler satisfied.
Your cleaning crew was fantastic.
And in some odd, sick, twisted way, I may actually Gibbler miss you.
You can say it.
You love me.
I love that you said it for me.
Come on.
Bring it in.
Really? I've been waiting 20 years to hug the king of all huggers.
Wow, that was really anticlimactic.
Hey, Tommy's not feeling well.
Kimmy, can you go warm up a bottle, please? No problemo.
Mom, I thought this was going to be a quick stop.
- I need to help D.
J.
- What am I supposed to do? You're a Gibbler.
Make yourself at home.
Okay, I'll raid the fridge, snoop around, try on some clothes.
That's my girl.
But don't use their toothbrush.
We're not animals.
Tommy has an ear infection.
I think I have some drops in the kitchen.
Don't worry, Deej.
I'll get it.
D.
J.
, Comet Junior Junior needs your help.
She's been in labor all night but the puppies aren't coming.
I'm so worried, I can't eat.
This has never happened before.
Comet Junior Junior's having babies? This is better than Shark Week! Okay.
Kimmy, here.
I'll I'll take Comet.
Max, grab my medical bag and follow me.
Steve, get a bowl of water.
Kimmy, can you please put Tommy in his crib upstairs? And, Dad, I ran out of jobs, so do whatever you want! D.
J.
, can you deliver the puppies outside? I'm showing the house on Wednesday.
Smart move, Mr.
T.
Birthing can be messy.
I had Ramona in a rental car and lost my deposit.
Comet's out of the woods.
And the first puppy's a boy.
Can I keep one? Mom said I could get a dog.
Yeah, if it's okay with D.
J.
I said someday, honey.
Not today.
I have too much on my plate right now.
But he's Comet Junior Junior Junior.
Come on, Mom.
You promised.
Jackson, you were there.
That's right.
You promised right after his goldfish died.
And right before his toilet funeral.
- Come on.
Please, please! - No.
Max, no! Max, I said no dog, okay? You have no idea how much work a puppy is.
It's like having another baby, except this one doesn't wear diapers! A puppy will poop and pee all over the house, and the stains are impossible to get out Not for me! Grandpa taught me how to remove even the most stubborn of stains.
I love this kid.
This is all going to fall on me.
I have enough to take care of.
Oh! Oh, I forgot to give Tommy his ear drops.
- Deej, let me help.
- Yeah, I'll give you a hand, too.
No, this is my responsibility.
So that was a yes to the puppy? Come on, everybody.
You're going to miss your plane.
Taxi's here.
Oh, chicken.
Thanks for your help, Jess.
- Put them right here.
- Lovely.
I found one of my missing shirts from 1989.
This baby never went out of style.
Because it was never in style.
Oh, Jess.
Cut it out.
Where are the ear drops? Where are? Here they are.
Hey, Deej, are you okay? Yes! I'm fine.
Why does everyone keep asking me that? - I have to get to Tommy.
- Honey, I can take care of the baby.
I'd love to take care of the baby.
Jess, can we please have another baby? Beck, you know that ship has sailed.
In fact, it sunk.
All seamen lost.
Right.
It's okay, Tommy.
Mommy's here.
I'm sorry, but I'm having a tough day, too.
It's just, everyone's leaving and for the first time, we're going to be all on our own.
Oh, Tommy.
Tommy, I know.
I just don't know if I can deal with all of this.
I just hope I can give you the beautiful life you deserve.
Tommy's going to be alright.
- I thought you guys had to get going.
- No, we talked.
And I'm not going to take that job.
I'm staying here to help you.
- Dad, that's crazy.
- No.
You're way more important to me than a talk show, even a nationally syndicated one.
And if Danny's not doing the show, then neither am I, so I can help, too.
And I can commute to Vegas in my Bonanza and move right back into the basement.
Sounds like you guys got this covered.
I'll be in LA.
- Yeah - Not so fast.
Oh, no, no, no.
There is no way Guys, please, sit down.
We're having a little talk.
- What? - Sit.
You're all moving to LA, and you're going back to Vegas.
You guys did your share for us.
Now it's time for me to step up.
- Steph - No.
I am clearing my schedule and moving in with my sister.
I'm perfectly capable You are entirely too stubborn to ask anyone for help.
You do everything for everyone else.
But you need me right now.
And you need me.
So I'm moving in, too! Kimmy, you do not need to do this.
Yes, I agree with D.
J.
You do not need to do this.
Yes, I do.
Deej, you've been there for me my whole life.
I was the kid no one wanted to hang out with, for reasons I'll never understand.
We understand.
But D.
J.
, you didn't care.
You always had my back.
So now I've got yours.
The truth is, I've been so scared about how to make this work by myself.
- I love you guys so much.
- We love you, too.
I'm going to have to rent a bigger house.
No, you're not.
I'm taking the house off the market.
You stay here as long as you want.
- Really? - Yeah.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Are you sure? You know how much this house is worth now? Oh, my God.
This is awesome! You guys aren't going to believe this, but I've always wanted to live here! Oh, we had an inkling.
Hey, kids, come in here! Deej, Ramona is not going be happy about changing schools and leaving her friends, so please not a word to her.
Great news.
Grandpa's letting us stay here and Aunt Stephanie is moving in! Awesome! That means Aunt Steph can help with the puppy! Right, Mom? Okay, Max.
You can have a puppy.
I'm going to be a doggy daddy! I'm having palpitations! I know how to handle this.
Ooh, Flintstones Meet the Flintstones They're a modern stone-age family Everybody, sing! From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history Let's take a walk.
Let's ride with the family Down the street Through the courtesy Of Fred's two feet When you're with the Flintstones Take it down.
Have a yabba-dabba doo time Chicks.
A dabba doo time We'll have a gay old time! Wilma! Aw, look at this.
Happy baby.
You guys sure you've got this? Yeah, you've got some big shoes to fill.
And as you know, I happen to own several pairs of enormous clown shoes.
We've got this.
I can babysit whenever you want.
Or give me the baby, and I'll give him back when it's time to pay for college.
You guys get going.
Thank you.
We'll take it from here.
- Love you.
- Love you! Oh, I love you! - Bye.
- The cab's been waiting about three hours.
Alright.
Love you.
- Miss you.
- Bye.
Uh two, three, four Flintstones Meet the Flintstones They're a modern stone-age family From the town of Bedrock They're a page right out of history