Gilmore Girls s01e01 Episode Script

Please, Luke.
How many cups have you had this morning? - None.
- Plus? Five, but yours is better.
- You have a problem.
- Yes, I do.
- Junkie.
- Angel.
You've got wings, baby.
Luke's.
Yeah.
You make that look really good.
It is really good.
It's the best coffee in town.
- Yeah? I'll have to get a cup.
- Good plan.
I've never been here before.
Just passing through on my way to Hartford.
You're a regular Jack Kerouac.
- Mind if I sit down? - Actually, I'm meeting someone - I'm Joey.
- Okay.
You don't have a name? I do have a name.
I just am really meeting someone.
So I guess I should get going.
- So soon? - What? I'm just screwing with your mind.
It's nice to meet you.
- Enjoy Hartford.
- Enjoy your coffee, mystery woman.
I like that.
- Hey, it's freezing.
- What do you need? Hot tea, coffee? Lip gloss.
I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and toasted marshmallow.
Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal? Yes.
It has no smell, but it changes colors with your mood.
- RuPaul doesn't need this much makeup.
- You're crabby.
I'm sorry.
I lost my Macy Gray CD, and I need caffeine.
- I have your CD.
- Thief.
Sorry, and I will get you some coffee.
What? It's not for me.
It's for Rory, I swear.
- You're shameless.
- Look, Officer Krupke she's right at that table, right over there.
He's got quite a pair, this guy.
Thanks.
- I've never been through here before.
- You have, too.
Hi.
- You really like my table, don't you? - I was just Getting to know my daughter.
Are you my new daddy? You don't look old enough to have a daughter.
I mean it.
And you don't look like a daughter.
That's possibly very sweet of you.
Thanks.
So, daughter.
- You know, I am traveling with a friend.
- She's 16.
- Bye.
- Drive safe.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Independence Inn, Michel speaking.
No, I'm sorry.
We're completely booked.
We have a wedding party here.
No, there is really nothing I can do.
Yes, I'm sure.
Positive.
No, I don't have to look, ma'am.
Yes, of course I'll look.
No, I'm sorry.
We're completely booked.
No, don't move.
Just ignore the tiny woman pushing the 200-pound instrument around.
This is good.
I like this.
Maybe after this I'll bench-press a piano.
That's it, lady.
Tie your shoe now.
Don't worry.
I'll wait.
- Hi, Drella.
- Hi.
I was just wondering, could you be nicer to the guests? I'm sorry.
Did you not want a harp player? - Yes, I did.
- Did you not want a great harp player? - Yes, I did.
- I am a great harp player.
And this is my great harp, okay? So if you just want someone to be nice to the guests get a harmonica player.
Some guy who whistles through his nose.
Okay? Capisce? And that is a great spot for a table.
The decorator's a genius.
Madame, you have no idea how desperately I'd like to help but I'd have to build a room for you myself and I'm not a man who works with his hands.
So the best I can do is suggest that you please try for another weekend.
Any weekend.
Good.
Fine.
The 21st.
Hold on, I'll look.
No, I'm sorry.
We're completely booked.
- Has the plumber attended to Room 4 yet? - He was here.
He did nothing.
It's $100.
Hi, Marco.
Lorelai.
Talk to me about Room 4.
What was wrong with it? I thought you replaced that already.
Because you told me you did.
I never forget anything.
So this one's on you, right? Pleasure doing business with you.
- What is your offspring doing? - I need stamps.
Can I have these? - No.
- Take them.
- What's with the muumuu? - Stop.
You couldn't find one made of metal, in case anyone has x-ray eyes? And now we say goodbye.
Have Michel look at your French paper before you go.
Excuse me? - That would be great.
- No.
Come on, Michel.
I'll tell all the ladies what a stud you are.
I believe that memo has already been sent.
Please, Michel.
Pretty please with sucre on top? I will stop talking like this.
Leave it.
I'll look at it if I get a chance.
It's due tomorrow.
And pay special attention to the grammar.
I despise you.
When are you gonna let your parents know that you listen to the evil rock music? You're an American teenager, for God's sake.
If my parents still get upset over the obscene portion size of American food I seriously doubt I'm going to make any inroads with Eminem.
- I have to go to that.
- The hayride? You're kidding.
My parents set me up with the son of a business associate.
He's gonna be a doctor.
- How old is he? - Sixteen.
So he's gonna be a doctor in 100 years.
My parents like to plan ahead.
- You have to go to the hayride with him? - And his older brother.
- Now you're kidding.
- Koreans never joke about future doctors.
I guess you're not going? No.
I'm still fuzzy on what's fun about sitting in the cold for two hours - with a bundle of sticks up your butt.
- Don't expect me to clear it up for you.
For those of you who have not finished the final chapters of Huckleberry Finn you may use this time to do so.
For those of you who have, you can start on your essay now.
Whichever task you choose, do it silently.
- Maybe it's a love letter.
- Or her diary.
Could be a slam book.
It's the assignment.
- Nice, huh? - It's beautiful.
Tell it to the tip jar.
Take the bags up to 314.
Make sure the drapes are closed and there's extra soap and she wants her pillow mints now.
- Sookie! - I'm okay.
What did you do now? Why weren't you watching her? No estabas cuidandola? No.
She's this.
Bad food in the head.
- I need you to be more careful.
- I know.
I'm sorry.
I fixed the peach sauce.
- That's blood.
Why are you bleeding? - My stitches opened.
I was using too much maple syrup.
It strangled the fruit.
- When did you get stitches? - Friday night.
Radish roses.
Okay, stop moving.
You gotta taste the sauce while it's still warm.
Sookie, I need you to be more careful.
I need there to be fewer accidents.
Dear God Almighty, that's incredible! I'll put it on the waffles tomorrow morning for breakfast.
- I wanna take a bath in that sauce.
- I will make more.
Someday when we open our own inn, diabetics will line up to eat this sauce.
Won't that be great? The key to someday achieving that dream is for you to stay alive long enough so we can actually open an inn, you understand? - Yes, I understand.
- All right.
Now let's get you up and to the doctor on three.
One, two, three.
What? Stepped on my thumb.
I'm fine.
On three.
Okay.
- Was it a good color, at least? - It had sparkles in it.
And it smelled like bubble gum when it dried.
There's no way Mark Twain could compete with that.
Mom, we're home! - Did you hear something? - I'm not sure.
Mom, are you here? We're open.
Everything's half off.
We have contact.
- Mom! - Lane? Mom, where are you? - Lane, where are you? - Back here.
Over here.
I think she's that way.
- Are we closer? - I'm by the table.
She's kidding, right? Look, we'll meet you in the kitchen.
- What? - The kitchen! - Who's that? - It's Rory, Mom.
I could hear the disappointment from here.
Come on.
Stop it.
It sucks that after all these years your mom still hates me.
- She doesn't hate you.
- She hates my mother.
- She doesn't trust unmarried women.
- You're unmarried.
I'm hayriding with a future proctologist.
I have potential.
Go upstairs.
Tea is ready.
I have muffins.
No dairy, no sugar, no wheat.
You have to soak them in tea to make them soft enough to bite but they're very healthy.
How was school? None of the girls get pregnant, drop out? Not that we know of.
Though come to think of it, Joanna Posner was glowing a little.
- What? - Nothing, Mama.
She's just kidding.
- Boys don't like funny girls.
- Noted.
Hello! Anybody here? We're here.
We're coming.
Have the muffins made from sprouted wheat.
Only good 24 hour.
Everything's half off! - Where are you? - Over here! - Where? - By the chair! What chair? - Careful! - I'm okay.
Peppers.
Mike.
Hello, little vegetables.
Come with me.
I got it.
- Where's my glaze? - In the counter.
On the counter.
On, not in the counter.
Okay, good.
All right.
My sauce.
That's pretty good.
Hello.
A little bit of green.
Okay.
Hello, my little babies.
You like that? A little bit of juice.
You're very pretty.
Okay.
It's here.
It happened.
She did it.
I'm gonna need a longer sentence.
The Chilton School.
Rory got in.
- Oh, my God! - I know.
Look.
"We are happy to inform you we have a vacancy at Chilton Preparatory" "starting immediately.
Due to Rory's excellent credentials" "and your enthusiastic pursuit of her enrolment" I offered to do the principal to get her in.
"we'd be happy to accept her once the first semester's tuition is received.
" This is very exciting.
- Is something burning? - My bangs.
Earlier.
Go on.
She can finally go to Harvard like she's always wanted get the education I never got, and do all the things I never got to do.
Then I can resent her for it and we can finally have a normal mother-daughter relationship.
Mom? - You're happy.
- Yeah.
- Did you do something slutty? - I'm not that happy.
Here.
- What's going on? - Open it.
- I'm gonna be in a Britney Spears video? - You're going to Chilton! Sorry.
Mom? You did it, babe.
You got in.
How did this happen? You didn't with the principal, did you? No.
That was a joke.
They have an open spot.
You're gonna start on Monday.
- Really? - Really.
I don't believe this.
My God, I'm going to Chilton? Sookie, I'm going to Chilton! I'll make cookies.
Protestants love oatmeal.
I have to call Lane.
- I love you.
- I love you.
My girl's going to Chilton.
Yeah, I know.
Rory's going to Chilton! Michel, the phone.
It rings.
- Can you answer it? - No.
People are particularly stupid today.
I can't talk to any more of them.
You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Independence Inn, Michel speaking.
No, I'm sorry, we're completely booked.
I'm holding for Miss Bell.
I've been trying to get ahold of her all day.
Lorelai Gilmore.
Hi.
Yeah, my daughter Rory has just been accepted.
Thank you.
And I got the invoice for your enrolment fee.
That is a lot of zeroes behind that five.
Okay, I guess what I'm wondering is if you couldn't take, say, part of it now, just to get her going? But she's supposed to start Monday.
It just doesn't give me a lot of time to pull a bank job.
Never mind.
I was just kidding.
No, a bank job is robbing a bank, but No.
I don't want you to give up her space.
I'll have to figure it out.
Okay.
No, thank you.
It's been a real treat talking to you.
Yeah.
Bye-bye.
What do I do? You can have anything I own.
My car.
Sell my car.
Sweetie, no one wants your car.
There's something I haven't thought of.
There's something out there staring me right in the face.
I haven't seen it.
- You might consider calling - No.
- But I don't think you have - Stop.
You can at least go and Okay, can I say one more thing? I think it's your only option.
There are several chapters from a Stephen King novel I'd reenact before I'd resort to that option.
- Okay, dropped.
- Thank you.
Mom, so what do you think? It makes you look smart.
Okay, no more wine for you.
Mom? You look like you were swallowed by a kilt.
Fine, you could hem it.
A little, only a little.
Okay.
Or I could hem it a lot.
No, I don't want it to be too short.
I can't believe tomorrow's my last day at Stars Hollow High.
I know.
- Today I was so excited, I dressed for gym.
- You're kidding! - And I played volleyball.
- With other people? And I learned all this time I was avoiding group sports was very smart, because I suck at them.
You got that from me.
- Where's your pate? - At Zsa Zsa Gabor's house.
I'm going to the store, because you have nothing.
- Do you feel like duck? - Lf it's made with chicken, absolutely.
- I'll be back.
- Bye.
All right, this will give you an idea.
- Go see how you like it.
- Okay.
I love being a private school girl.
Hi, Mom.
Lorelai! My goodness, this is a surprise.
Is it Easter already? No, I just finished up my business class, and I thought I would stop by.
- To see me? - Yes.
Isn't that nice.
- Come in.
- Thanks.
- The place looks great.
- It hasn't changed.
There you go.
How are the girls at the bridge club? Old.
Good.
You said you were taking a business class? Yeah.
I'm taking a business class at the college twice a week.
I'm sure I told you.
If you're sure, then you must have.
- Would you like some tea? - I would love some coffee.
- Emily, I'm home.
- We're in here.
Hi, Dad.
What is it, Christmas already? Lorelai was taking a business class at the college today and decided to drop in to see us.
What business class? - She told us about it, dear.
Remember? - No.
Actually, I came here for a reason.
Dad, would you mind sitting down for a minute? - You need money.
- I have a situation.
- You need money.
- Dad, just please let me get this out, okay? Rory has been accepted to Chilton.
Chilton? That's a wonderful school.
It's only five minutes from here.
That's right, it is.
She can start as early as Monday.
The problem is that they want me to put down an enrolment fee plus the first semester's tuition.
I have to do that immediately or she loses her spot.
So you need money.
Yeah.
But it's not for me, it's for Rory.
I intend to pay you back, every cent.
I don't ask for favors.
You know that.
Yes, we know.
I'll get the checkbook.
Thank you.
You have no idea.
Thank you.
- On one condition.
- So close.
Since we are now financially involved in your life I want to be actively involved in your life.
What does that mean, Mother? - I want a weekly dinner.
- What? Friday nights, you and Rory will have dinner here.
Mom.
And you have to call us once a week to give us an update on her schooling and your life.
That's it.
That's the condition.
If you agree, you'll come to dinner tomorrow night and leave here with the check.
Otherwise, I'm sorry, we can't help you.
I don't want her to know that I borrowed money from you.
Can that just be between us? Does 7:00 work for you? Perfect.
And we get to wear uniforms.
No more people checking you out to see what you're wearing 'cause everyone's dressed alike in boring clothes, just there to learn.
Okay, there's academic-minded, and then there's Amish.
- Funny.
- Thank you.
- I told my mom you're changing schools.
- Was she thrilled? The party's on Friday.
I got to go.
I have to have a pre-hayride cup of tea with a future doctor.
- How do I look, Korean? - Spitting image.
- Good.
Bye.
- Bye.
God! You're like Ruth Gordon, just standing there with the tannis root.
- Make a noise.
- Rosemary's Baby.
- Yeah.
- That's a great movie.
You've got good taste.
Are you moving? No, just my books are.
My family just moved here from Chicago.
Chicago.
Windy.
Oprah.
Yeah, that's the place.
I'm Dean.
Hi.
Rory.
Me.
That's me.
- Lorelai, technically.
- Lorelai.
I like that.
It's my mother's name, too.
She named me after herself.
She was in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves so why couldn't women? She says her feminism took over.
Personally, I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision.
I never talk this much.
I better go.
- Sure.
- I have to go look for a job.
Okay, good.
- You should check with Miss Patty.
- What? About the job.
You should check with Miss Patty.
She teaches dance.
She was actually on Broadway once.
I don't really dance much.
No, she just knows everything that's going on in town.
She'll know if someone's looking.
Great.
Thanks.
- What are you doing now? - Nothing much.
I should throw this away at some point.
Maybe you could show me where this Miss Patty's place is.
Yeah, I guess so.
I really don't have anything important to Let's go.
- Have you lived here all your life? - Yes.
Pretty much.
- I was actually born in Hartford.
- That's not far.
- Thirty minutes with no traffic.
- Really? - I timed it.
- Okay, then.
- Do you like cake? - What? They make really good cakes here.
They're very round.
Okay, I'll remember that.
Good.
Make a note.
You wouldn't want to forget where the round cakes are.
How are you liking Moby Dick? - It's really good.
- Yeah? - Yeah, it's my first Melville.
- Cool.
I know it's cliche to pick Moby Dick as your first Melville, but How did you know I was reading Moby Dick? - I've been watching you.
- Watching me? Not in a creepy I'm-watching-you sort of way.
I've noticed you.
- Me? - Yeah.
When? Every day.
After school, you come out and sit under that tree, and you read.
Last week it was Madame Bovary.
This week it's Moby Dick.
- But why would you - Because you're nice to look at and because you've got unbelievable concentration.
What? Last Friday, two guys were tossing a ball and one guy nailed the other right in the face.
It was a mess.
Blood everywhere, the nurse came out the place was in chaos, his girlfriend was freaking out and you just sat there and read.
You never even looked up.
I thought, "I've never seen anyone read so intensely before in my entire life.
" "I have to meet that girl.
" Maybe I just didn't look up because I'm unbelievably self-centered.
Maybe, but I doubt it.
- Did I ask you if you like cake? - Yeah, you did.
'Cause they have really good cake back there.
You were late getting home tonight.
Yeah, I went to the library.
We're having dinner with the grandparents tomorrow night.
We are? But it's September.
- So? - So what holiday is in September? Look, it's not a holiday thing.
It's just dinner, okay? Fine.
Sorry.
Red meat can kill you.
Enjoy.
I finished hemming your skirt today.
A grunt of acknowledgement might be nice.
Why are we going to dinner tomorrow night? What if I had plans? You didn't even ask me.
- Lf you had plans, I'd have known.
- How? You would've told me.
I don't tell you everything.
I have my own things.
- Fine, you have things.
- That's right.
I have things.
- I had dibs on being the bitch tonight.
- Just tonight? What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not sure I want to go to Chilton.
- What? - The timing is just really bad.
The timing is bad? And the bus ride to and from Hartford, it's 30 minutes each way.
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
I don't think we should be spending that money right now.
I know Chilton's got to be costing you a lot.
You've no idea.
Your money should be going into buying an inn with Sookie.
What about college? What about Harvard? We don't know I can't get into Harvard if I stay where I am.
Enough of the crazy talk, okay? I appreciate your concern, but I have this covered.
- I still don't want to go.
- Why? - Because I don't.
- I have to get out of here.
We have to pay first.
One, two, three.
It's a waltz, ladies.
Susie, do you have to tinkle? Then uncross your legs, darling.
Rory, I think I found a job for your male friend.
What male friend? They need a stock boy at the supermarket.
I already talked to Taylor Doose about him.
Just send him around tomorrow.
- Okay, thanks.
- What male friend? He's very cute.
You have good taste.
Hands in the air, not in the nose.
You'll have to walk faster than that.
You'll have to turn into frigging Flo Jo to get away from me.
This is about a boy.
Of course! I can't believe I didn't see it.
All this talk about money and bus rides.
You've got a guy, and you don't wanna leave school.
- I'm going to bed.
- God, I'm so dense.
It should've been my first thought.
After all, you're me.
- I'm not you.
- Really? Someone ready to throw important life experiences out to be with a guy? - It sounds like me to me.
- Whatever.
- Who is he? - There's no guy.
Dark hair, romantic eyes, looks a little dangerous? - This conversation's over.
- Tattoos are good, too.
I don't wanna change schools because of all the reasons I've already told you a thousand times.
If you don't want to believe me, that's fine.
Goodnight.
Does he have a motorcycle? If you're going to throw your life away, he'd better have a motorcycle! - I think that went pretty well, don't you? - Thanks for the knock.
Listen, can we just start all over, okay? You tell me all about the guy, and I promise not to let my head explode.
Rory, please talk to me.
Okay, I'll talk.
Don't get me wrong, guys are great.
I am a huge fan of guys.
You don't get knocked up at 16 being indifferent to guys.
Babe, guys are always gonna be there.
This school isn't.
It's more important.
It has to be more important.
I'm going to sleep.
You've always been the sensible one in this house.
I need you to remember that feeling now.
You will kick your own butt later if you blow this.
- It's my butt.
- Good comeback.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Rory, come on.
I don't want to talk about this.
Could you please just leave me alone? Okay.
Fine.
We've always had a democracy in this house.
We never did anything unless we both agreed.
But now I guess I'm gonna have to play the mom card.
You are going to Chilton whether you want to or not.
Monday morning, you will be there.
End of story.
- We'll see.
- Yeah, we will.
Okay.
One, two - I swear I don't know what happened.
- It's not important.
I've made that dish a hundred times.
It never exploded.
- Please forget it.
- God, I killed a Viking.
You should fire me or make me pay the cost of a new stove - out of my paycheck.
- Whatever you want.
I can't afford a new stove.
Those things are expensive.
Sookie, please, I am begging you, pull yourself together.
I got no sleep last night, and I think I put my contacts in backwards.
- Rory's still mad at you? - I'm not so crazy about her, either.
It was a fight.
Mothers and daughters fight.
No, we don't fight.
We never fight.
You told me to tell you when your daughter arrived.
- She's here, and she's sitting in my chair.
- Hold on just a minute.
And you are the one left standing.
Life is a funny thing, no? No muumuu today.
You know what's weird? I kind of miss it.
You left me a note to meet you here.
I thought you might want to work a couple hours, make a little extra cash.
- Fine.
- You're not gonna give me the Mommie Dearest treatment forever, are you? You wanted me here, I'm here.
Should I do something or what? Yeah, go home.
Dinner's at 7:00.
Be ready to go.
- Fine.
- Fine.
My chair.
Do we go in or do we just stand here reenacting The Little Match Girl? Look, I know we're having a thing here, and I know you hate me but be civil, at least through dinner and then on the way home you can pull a Menendez.
Deal? Fine.
- Hi, Grandma.
- You're right on time.
Yeah, no traffic at all.
I can't tell you what a treat it is to have you girls here.
We're excited, too.
Is that a collector's cup, or can I throw it away for you? - In the kitchen, please.
- Sorry.
- I want to hear all about Chilton.
- I haven't actually started yet.
- Richard, look who's here.
- Rory.
- You're tall.
- I guess.
- What's your height? - 5'7".
- That's tall.
She's tall.
- Hi, Dad.
- Lorelai, your daughter's tall.
- I know.
It's freakish.
We're thinking of having her studied at MIT.
- Champagne, anyone? - That's fancy.
It's not every day I have my girls here for dinner on a day the banks are open.
A toast: To Rory entering Chilton and an exciting new phase in her life.
Hear, hear.
Let's sit, everyone.
This is just wonderful.
An education is the most important thing in the world, next to family.
And pie.
Joke.
- Rory, how do you like the lamb? - It's good.
- Too dry? - No, it's perfect.
The potatoes could use a little salt, though.
Excuse me? So, Grandpa, how's the insurance biz? People die, we pay.
People crash cars, we pay.
- People lose a foot, we pay.
- At least you have your new slogan.
- How are things at the motel? - The inn? They're great.
Lorelai's the executive manager now.
Isn't that wonderful? Speaking of which, Christopher called yesterday.
Speaking of which? How is that a speaking of which? He's doing very well in California.
His internet start-up goes public next month.
This could mean big things for him.
Very talented man, your father.
- She knows.
- He always was a smart one, that boy.
You must take after him.
Speaking of which, I'm going to get a Coke.
Or a knife.
Hi, how are you doing? - I think I'm going to go talk to her.
- No.
I'll go.
You stay and keep your grandfather company.
Lorelai, come back to the table.
Is it going to be like this every Friday night? I come over and let the two of you attack me? - You're being very dramatic.
- Dramatic? - Were you at that table just now? - Yes, I was.
You took what your father said the wrong way.
The wrong way? How could I have taken it the wrong way? - What was open to interpretation? - Keep your voice down.
No, Mother.
I can't take it anymore.
Tonight has been like a nightmare.
You're dripping all over the floor.
Why do you pounce on every single thing I say? That's absurd.
You've barely uttered a word all night.
- That's not true.
- You said "pie.
" - Come on.
- You did.
All I heard you say was "pie.
" Why bring up Christopher? Was that really necessary? - He likes Christopher.
- Isn't that interesting? Because, as I remember, when Christopher got me pregnant Dad didn't like him so much.
You were 16.
What were we supposed to do, throw you a party? We were disappointed.
The two of you had such bright futures.
Yes.
And by not getting married, we got to keep those bright futures.
When you get pregnant, you get married.
A child needs a mother and a father.
Do you think Christopher would have his own company now if we were married? You think he'd be anything at all? Yes, I do.
Your father would've put him in the insurance business, and you'd be living a lovely life right now.
He didn't want to be in the insurance business.
And I am living a lovely life right now.
- That's right.
Far away from us.
- Here we go.
You took that girl and completely shut us out of your life.
- You wanted to control me.
- You were still a child.
I stopped being a child the minute the strip turned pink, okay? I had to figure out how to live.
I found a good job.
As a maid.
With all your brains and talent.
I worked my way up.
I run the place now.
I built a life on my own with no help from anyone.
Yes, and think of where you would've been if you'd accepted a little help.
And where Rory would have been? But no, you were always too proud to accept anything from anyone.
I wasn't too proud to come here to you two begging for money for my kid's school, was I? No, you certainly weren't.
But you're too proud to let her know where you got it from, aren't you? Fine, you have your precious pride, and I have my weekly dinners.
Isn't that nice? We both win.
Mom? I'm okay.
I just Do I look shorter? Because I feel shorter.
How about I buy you a cup of coffee? You drive, though, 'cause I don't think my feet will reach the pedals.
- Nice dinner at the grandparents' house.
- Yeah.
Her dishes have never been cleaner.
You and Grandma seemed to have a nice talk.
- How much did you hear? - Not much.
Snippets.
- Little snippets.
- So basically everything? - Basically, yes.
- The best-laid plans.
I think it was really brave of you to ask them for money.
I so do not want to talk about it.
How many meals is it gonna take till we're off the hook? I think the deli spread at my funeral will be the last one.
Wait, does that mean Can't let a perfectly good plaid skirt go to waste.
Honey, you won't be sorry.
You look nice.
Really nice.
I had a meeting earlier at the bank.
They like collars.
You look nice, too.
I had a flagellation to go to.
- What'll you have? - Coffee, in a vat.
I'll have coffee also.
And chili fries.
That's quite a refined palate you got there.
Behold the healing powers of a bath.
Tell me about the guy.
You know what's really special about our relationship? The total understanding about the need for one's privacy.
You really understand boundaries.
- So tell me about the guy.
- Mom! - Is he dreamy? - That's so Nick at Nite.
- I'm gonna find out anyway.
- Really? How? I'll spy.
Coffee.
Fries.
I can't stand it.
This is so unhealthy.
Rory, please, put down that cup of coffee.
You do not want to grow up to be like your mom.
Sorry.
Too late.
- Tell me about the guy.
- Check, please.
- Are you embarrassed to bring him home? - I'm not embarrassed.
- Does he talk at all? - No, Mom, he's a mime.