Grand Army (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[distant giggling]
[giggling continues]
[indistinct chattering]
[girls] Said lil' bitch
You can't fuck with me if you wanted to ♪
These expensive
These is red bottoms ♪
These is bloody shoes ♪
Hit the store
I can get 'em both ♪
I don't wanna choose ♪
And I'm quick, cut a nigga off ♪
So don't get comfortable ♪
Look, I don't dance now ♪
I make money moves ♪
Say I don't gotta dance
I make money moves ♪
If I see you and I don't speak
That means I don't fuck with you ♪
I'm a boss, you a worker, bitch ♪
Gracie?
Now she says she gon' do what to who? ♪
Let's find out and see, Cardi B ♪
-[girl 1] Girl, let me in.
-You know where I be ♪
-Hi.
-You in the club just to party ♪
-OK. I got you. It's OK.
-[Gracie sobs quietly]
-I got you.
-[Gracie sniffles]
Come on. Get up.
Put your foot up. Come on.
OK.
Are you disgusted by me?
[girl] No. Never.
I love you.
It's gonna be totally fine.
It's gonna be fine.
OK.
You ready?
-Mm-hmm. [sniffles]
-OK.
-[grunts, groans]
-I'm sorry!
-Oh my God.
-[whimpers]
-It's OK.
-[exhales slowly, whimpers]
-Sorry, Gracie.
-[winces]
[pained gasping]
[pained gasping]
[sighs]
Cardi B, you know where I'm at ♪
You know where I be ♪
You in the club just to party ♪
I'm there, I get paid a fee ♪
I be in and out them banks so much
I know they're tired of me, honestly ♪
Yes!
Thank you! Registration deadline is today.
I'm sorry it took us so long
to get our shit together, Domo,
but you are expensive.
I'm cheap, actually.
Your hair took me eight hours.
Sonia's deadass took me over six.
These girls need
to stop shouting these lyrics.
So fucking true. My ears are bleeding.
[girls continue shouting lyrics]
My pussy feels like a lake
John wanna swim with his face ♪
Oh yes, girl!
[girl 2] Get it! Get hype ♪
Ask John Ellis to the prom ♪
I ask John to prom, he'd be like,
"Uh, who the fuck are you?"
Girl, he knows who you are, dumbass.
[Gracie groans]
[gasps, exhales sharply]
[heavy breathing]
[girl] Almost there.
[girl 1] OK.
[moaning]
Come hear this.
They're legit eating each other out.
-Hey!
-[giggling]
Fuck off!
-[girls giggle]
-The fuck is wrong with them?
[Gracie] George was like,
"Don't make it a thing," but
it's been up there forever.
It's poisoning me.
Gracie, it's not poisoning you, I promise.
Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait.
Don't move.
I can feel it.
One, two, three.
[gasping]
[gasping continues]
[chuckles]
[laughs]
I can't believe you just did that for me.
Oh my God.
Nat, Chris?
Success.
-[girl 2] Holy shit, you goddess!
-[girl 3] What is that?
Ugh!
-[disgusted gasping]
-[girl 4] Uh-uh.
[giggling]
Wanna pick that up for me real quick?
I have to get to class.
I'm just fucking with you.
Relax.
OK.
Dude, George learns how to use a condom,
or he doesn't get to do you anymore. OK?
And no one better talk shit.
I'm fucking serious.
You got Plan B, right?
That condom had his sperm in it,
and it was stuck in you.
-Damn, yo, that's some thotty shit.
-[snickering]
-Gracie, you're not pregnant.
-But I could be.
And I'm drowning in APs right now.
I don't have time
to deal with a fucking fetus!
Oh my God.
Oh my God, I'm gonna throw up.
[sighs]
-I am 100% not going to Conor's tonight.
-What? No!
Grace, I wanted
to stay at your place tonight!
-[girl 4] I'm gonna be late for class.
-[bell rings]
[hip-hop music plays]
[girl 1] You didn't have
to fuck with her like that.
I was just providing her information.
You're her dance captain, right?
Maybe that's something you should do?
Well, when I'm officially voted captain
in the spring, I'll have to remember that.
Hey, what are you captain of again,
by the way?
John Ellis, dipping out.
You still got time to catch him.
Stop.
[coach] Better hurry!
[gasping]
-Slow down.
-Yeah, relax.
I don't need to relax.
[cell phone vibrates]
Hey, is that your girl, Punjab?
She send you a tit pic?
Let me see.
Did you fuck her yet?
-Dude.
-What?
I'm just playing.
If you, uh, wanna stay a virgin,
I respect that.
Hey, Sid, pull you away for a sec?
Guys, get to class.
Peace, Harvard boy. [clicks tongue]
[woman] Hey, so your parents
have sent me a few emails.
I detailed for them again
our strategy for your deferment.
If we're gonna get
those extra materials in, we gotta--
Yeah, I'm on it. Trust me.
I'm just trying to get the essay
to the place you're telling me
it needs to be, so
-We're getting down to the wire.
-I know.
You'll have a solid final version
next week.
Sounds like a plan.
There is a long history
of Jews and Judaism in China.
There's documentation
of Jewish people in China
starting as early as the 7th century.
[in Mandarin] I looked it up.
There are only 2,500 Jews
in the whole country.
[in English] Small communities developed
throughout the Tang and Song dynasties
[in Mandarin] White girl desperate
to find white history in China.
and all the way through the
King dynasty. I'm mostly interested--
[in Mandarin]
Listen to the way she says "Qing!"
[in English]
They will be the main focus of my project.
Great. That sounds wonderful.
Thanks, Leila.
Can't wait to see your presentation.
All right. Who wants to go next? Anyone?
[girl] Me.
[in Mandarin] You look like a whore.
[giggling]
[in English] What?
We always forget
you can't speak Chinese.
[girl 2] You don't even look Chinese.
[in Mandarin] You'll put "born in China"
on your college applications though,
won't you, Anne Frank?
[teacher continues talking in background]
[in Mandarin]
Damn. Y'all are fucking brutal.
[snickering]
[teacher] We really wanna reflect
on the past
to understand ourselves better.
And if for you, that means bringing in
a video clip to share with us
just to explain or that it shows
something visual about that time period
that you find really fascinating.
Like, please do that.
That would be amazing.
[hip-hop music playing]
-Hey, can I have a tissue, please?
-[vendor] Here.
Fuck on your broad then run it back
Run it back, run it back, run it back ♪
[vendor] Here, brother.
[boy] Hello? ♪
All right.
Appreciate it, Abdullah.
-[Abdullah] Stay out of trouble.
-Of course. Thank you.
That's the way my neck talkin' ♪
[boy 2] We killed that audition, bro.
Way the stress talkin' ♪
Hey, it's like I fucking became Coltrane
in that room.
-Word.
-Yo, I swear I hit that F2 like "Yeeeee!"
Yo, since I got that new 2.5 reed, fire.
-Damn.
-Mm!
What'd they say to you again?
Uh, crisp sound, flawless delivery,
impressive musicality.
Yeah, see, bro?
This is 100 percent happening.
-Don't shake your head. I told you!
-Come on, bro.
[boy 2] Yeah. Hold on. Let me toss this.
[boy 2] Yo, Jay!
[boy] Run it back ♪
48 yards, I run it back ♪
I cop a car, I run it back ♪
Fuck on your broad then run it back ♪
Run it back, run it back, run it back ♪
-But look, bro, here's the truth.
-What you about to say?
It's obviously mad easy
to be overly confident
when your parents hook you up
with master classes at Julliard,
-and you blowing on a Selmer.
-Yo. Yo, fuck that, bro.
You trying wailing
on my school-issued Yamaha.
-I got the same natural talent as you.
-Please.
That's why we both gonna get in.
OK, Jay.
-Bro, stop it.
-I believe you, bro.
[Jay] Yo! Shit, what's good?
Where you headed, bro?
-I'm out. Senior living.
-[boy] Looking good, bro.
I'm gonna go surprise my mom for lunch.
Fucking word. She's not gonna be
mad at you for skipping?
Nah, I got in on early decision.
I'm straight for Chapel Hill.
-[Jay] North Carolina, baby. all right.
-Yeah.
-[Jay] I feel that.
-So, yeah. Now I'm just chilling.
Y'all going to that free later?
-Hell yeah.
-Most definitely.
-All right.
-I'm gonna come
You know what I mean. Word.
-[chuckling]
-[Jay] Word!
Word.
-All right.
-We'll catch up.
-Word.
-Easy. Be seeing you.
For a fact.
Look, bro, all I'm saying is,
there's no way two sophomore saxes
that go to the same school
are making All-State.
Don't be negative. You been negative
since the 6th grade. What's up?
Money, you been mad goofy
and overly confident since, like, forever.
-That's why I get more girls than you.
-Aaah!
Hey, yo, real quick.
Let me borrow your trigonometry homework.
Hmm Let me think, bro.
-No!
-You deadass?
Bro, you have to learn this shit.
You gotta learn it.
All right. Hook me up,
and I'll roll up tonight.
[chuckles]
[boy] Where you gonna get the cash
for the weed? Your pops?
Bro, come on, man. You know I'll get it.
You not gonna get it, bro.
Watch me.
I don't wanna hear nothing when I do too.
[boy] You ain't getting no hit.
[Jay] You think it'll be puff, puff, pass.
It's gonna be puff, puff-puff-puff
-[boy] Can't lick that. It's not there.
-It's gonna be there.
You gonna be mad when it's there.
I'm telling you.
'Cause you gonna be sitting there,
I'm gonna be sitting there,
but I'm gonna be smoking it,
and you're not--
[distant explosion]
[distant alarms ring]
[boy 2] What the fuck was that?
[teacher 1] OK, guys,
I need you out of the hallway now. Move!
-[alarm rings]
-[boy 3] Is that real right now?
[girl] Oh my God!
[woman over PA]
This is a mandatory emergency lockdown.
Attention teachers.
Please guide your students
to your assigned lockdown location.
[teacher 2]
Go straight down the hall to the base hub.
-[PA] Attention, students. Remain calm
-[girl] Gracie!
Are you hearing the fucking announcements?
There was an explosion outside!
Leila, come on.
You gotta get away from the window.
[PA] This is not a drill.
For your safety, students and faculty
are not permitted to leave the premises.
[tense music plays]
-My breasts are sore.
-What?
I googled it. I'm experiencing
the early signs of pregnancy.
I'll look at it later, OK?
Come on. Let's go.
-[Grace] Does an abortion hurt?
-What?
-No idea!
-But you've had one.
Why the fuck would you think that?
Do you think if this is
a terrorist attack,
tonight's party's a dub?
The only way that this party gets canceled
is if we all fucking die, Gracie.
Mom? Mom, there was an explosion.
[students muttering]
[boy] Seriously. Did you see that smoke?
Hey! I said no stopping at the lockers!
Come on, guys, get to the stairs.
[panicked muttering]
[Jay] We were this close to the school
when it went off.
[Sonia]
Jay, you're always telling these stories.
[Jay] I'm not lying.
-You do this all the time.
-He was Arab,
and he had wires coming out of his jacket.
Jay, stop. No. This is all you.
-Just stop. That's fucking racist.
-[Jay] What? Sonia, I saw!
-[Dom] Yo, stop.
-Jay, this is so you.
You're all talk, bro.
-[Jay] What?
-You kinda are though.
Did you not see the kid
with the wires in the plaza?
Cállate. You're so damn loud.
I'm not all talk.
I'll prove to you I'm not.
[Sonia]
You're making mad people anxious. Stop.
I'mma slide down this banister.
I'mma walk the talk.
-Bro, we don't have no time for this.
-I'm deadass.
I bet you I do it.
Why? That has nothing to do
with the guy you saw
-or anything like that, so--
-Don't be a pussy. Just bet me.
Wow.
-How much?
-Twenty-five.
[man] Come on. Let's go, ladies.
Fine. But you can't
-Jay, what are you doing?
-[Jay] It's too late. I'm gone.
[gasping]
[teacher 2] Excuse me!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
Do you understand
what's happening outside? Find a seat.
-[Jay] Sorry.
-Come on. Move!
You owe me money.
Ms. Wilder's popping pills.
[man] All right, you guys
Girl, get me one.
[boys] Bomb!
-Pussy!
-[teacher 1] Completely inappropriate.
Yo, I'm telling you,
this shit got everyone acting
fucking dumb.
-Yo, we got Joey D on the list, right?
-Yeah, the ultimate pussy.
[boy 1] Yo, how about Tatiana Ivanova?
Yo, I jerked off to a nude of her
for, like two weeks.
-She's a fucking genius in AP Chem.
-[boy 2] OK, I added her pic.
Caption?
[boy 3] KBG pussy.
-What?
-'Cause she's Russian.
-He means KGB.
-[snickering]
-Yeah, that's what I mean.
-Jeez.
My stupid dyslexic ass
How did you
get into this school, bro, seriously?
"Sp-Ed" kids get, like, an extra week
on the standardized testing,
-right "Speddy"?
-Fuck yeah. I love working the system.
-It's good.
-[boy 2] Done. Who else?
Yo, Jorge. Yo, what about Grace?
She's dangerous, bro.
Last time we fucked,
her vag vacuumed the condom right off.
[boy 1] Nah. Nah, Gracie.
Punjab, you're up.
Who's your most fuckable pick?
-No girlfriends.
-I'm not doing that now.
[boy 1] But New Delhi,
it's a feminist list of sexually empowered
and desirable Grand Army females.
It's like our last gift
to this place
before ISIS bombs the city to shit, bro.
That's not funny.
[boy 1] Bro, I was playing.
How about Little Punjab?
Fuck yeah. Add Meera right
You're not putting my sister on that list.
Fuck no.
[boy 1] Shit.
Whatever.
Excuse me?
You OK?
Yeah. Um, my sister's Meera Pakam.
She's a sophomore.
-I promised my parents I'd sit with her.
-I can't let you roam the halls.
I know, but she's literally
five doors down in 231.
-All right, go. Don't make a big thing.
-Yes. Thanks so much.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[sniffling, sobbing]
[Sid] What are you doing?
Uh, I'm going in that room down there.
Why don't you come?
I don't wanna die in this school.
You're not gonna die.
No one even knows me here,
and and I don't like myself here.
[sobs] It's like ever since I got here,
I don't know myself or anything.
I don't know fucking shit.
I was so much better in 8th grade.
I was strong,
or like, I don't know, but [sniffles]
now I'm a freshman,
and I'm like, it fucking sucks.
[Sid] Where'd you go to middle school?
-Salk.
-[chuckles]
Me too. That's funny.
[Leila] Seriously?
Did you have Madeline for drama?
I didn't do drama.
-My sister did. She's just down there--
-Do you know Joey Del Marco?
She threw a wet condom at me today.
Why do you even do that to someone?
She doesn't even know me.
And yeah, I don't speak Chinese.
I was born in China, then I was adopted.
And now we're gonna, like, die. [sniffles]
Then the other day
I saw this stupid "NOW THIS" video
about this girl
who finally meets her birth parents
on this, like, beautiful bridge,
but my parents are really nice people.
And if I die in some fucking
terrorist bomb before I can, like,
be whatever,
then nothing's gonna ever be good for me.
I feel similarly.
[Leila] How?
[cell phone vibrates]
[sighs]
I'll go with you.
-[sniffles]
-[Sid] What's your name?
Leila Kwan Zimmer.
Nice to meet you.
You're Sid.
You're on the swim team.
Sid, I told you I was fine.
[girl] Leila!
She's my sister.
[teacher] Quiet, please.
We're trying to keep things calm in here.
This is the apocalypse.
[girl] Dude, I know.
It's straight Under The Dome.
-[Sid] You OK?
-Why are you here?
I told you I was OK.
[cell phone vibrates]
[Meera] Is it Dad?
Is it Flora? Is she OK?
Yeah, she's good.
[Sid sighs heavily]
[tense music plays]
[boy groans]
-[girl] I don't know what's happening.
-[boy] It's crazy.
[indistinct chattering]
[girl] I feel a constant sense
of betrayal.
It's like I don't even know
my own dad anymore.
He brought his girlfriend
to our family home.
Then last night, he's like,
"I know you're still upset about before,
but both your mom and I
expect more from you."
So he's speaking for your mom now?
Yeah, exactly.
Did you move?
Yeah, I'm destroying
your Sicilian Defense. Go.
And now he's been texting me nonstop.
Look
"I'm driving down there.
I can't wait to spend time together
when I take you to tour Vassar."
-[boy scoffs]
-Are you kidding me? Like
I'm just fucking done.
Is that unfair?
No.
And you don't wanna go to Vassar.
I can't with you. [giggles]
Dude, we can't.
What?
We can't what?
I don't know. I'm just gonna text him.
You think your mom
is camped outside right now?
In those green beach chairs
from our soccer practices?
Dude, I love her.
She has 9/11 PTSD.
I mean, I told her not to come.
We're fine in here.
You guys, I'm getting claustrophobic.
Tim.
In the locker room,
Gracie was like,
"Oh, Joey, you've had an abortion.
Tell me what it's like."
Wait. What the fuck?
Yeah, she thinks she's pregnant,
so she's talking out of her fucking ass.
So fucked.
Pay attention to your rook.
JoJo! JoJo, play c4.
She's not playing
5th-grade level chess, Gracie.
[Joey gasps]
Check! Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to
[Dom] Whoa!
[Sonia] Fuck.
Why does Conor even go to public school?
I mean, for real? Look at
[Dom] Everyone's really still gonna party
after this shit?
What else are we gonna do?
OK, his house has eight bathrooms?
They definitely got people
who look like me scrubbing them toilets.
OK, so after law school, right,
I'mma buy a beach house in LA.
And I'mma have all kinds of white staff
to just dust my antiques and shit.
-Get my reparations.
-[Sonia] Mm!
I want a three-bedroom, two bathrooms.
I'm gonna set up a home office
so I can see patients.
You gotta have a brown leather couch.
That's what I picture real shrinks having.
Yes.
How is John going to this thing tonight?
This is gonna be some Vineyard Vines shit.
-Is he bougie?
-It doesn't matter.
You gotta go.
Look, if you wanna have
your Love and Basketball story,
you have to put yourself in the room
with your Quincy.
I gotta watch the kids though.
-Sis, they're not your kids.
-Mika, stop.
And the fencing deadline is today.
I'm going over there.
They get all their gear.
Fencing's random.
Colleges love kids
who are good at weird sports.
I got both the kids full scholarships,
but we had to pay the registration fee.
So I hustled for the extra cash.
And it's child care three days a week.
Mm! I see you feeling proud.
Aah! Yup!
Sonia, I'll forgive your debt
if you chill with me this weekend.
Yeah, I told you I'm not paying you.
[Jay] You shook.
I gave all my cash to Dom earlier,
so I can't.
-[Jay] Dom, you got to make good.
-[Dom] Oh my God.
This kid has no sense
of what's going on Wait.
Yo.
Give me my bag.
-[Jay] Get it!
-[Dom] Stop! It's not funny.
-She's asking you to stop.
-I don't need you to speak for me.
-[Jay] Throw it, man.
-Bam! Give my boy his money!
[boys snicker]
-[boy] Oh shit.
-Someone's gonna come over here.
Can you mind your own business?
I got important shit in there!
I'm not in the mood
for you two dumbass sophomores to
[boys] Oooh!
I'm sorry. I dropped something
down the stairwell.
We can go grab it for her real quick.
It's not the first time
we've had to talk to this group today.
We sincerely apologize.
We were playing around.
-They took Dom's wallet out of her bag.
-She's not involved.
Ms. Del Marco, do you have pants?
Are these the only clothes you have?
-Yeah.
-[Wilder] Why?
Well, because I was at gym
when the lockd--
You'll find any excuse, right,
to put your body on display.
Does anyone have anything
Ms. Del Marco can use to cover herself?
[Tim] Joey.
So they basically steal Dom's wallet
-We didn't steal anything.
-What?
and someone straps a bomb
to themselves outside,
but my bare legs are the big issue?
Got it.
[Wilder] I am not going to have
a political debate with you now
when we are all experiencing trauma.
Ms. Pierre?
They were messing around,
and now my wallet is gone.
[scoffs] Well, that's theft, guys.
OK, Dom, let's go see if we can find it.
Jayson, Owen, this will be written up.
Expect consequences.
[Owen scoffs]
[sighs]
She loves to fuck with me.
[Tim] It's 'cause you're the bad one.
-With a bomb-ass class rank though.
-[chuckles]
Number six, babe. What's yours?
One-thirty-four.
[both snicker]
[Tim] Well, you're ranked
ridiculously high on this list too.
Hmm?
You're a "bomb pussy."
-[Joey] The fuck?
-Our friends are fucking douche bags.
[Leila] Excuse me.
Do you know where the clitoris is?
Do you know where the clitoris is?
Do you know what the clitoris is?
Hey, boy, tell me what you know
about the female orgasm.
I'm asking
because my clitoris is not my leg.
Stop.
Just stop mistaking it for my labia.
The clitoris is the center
of sexual stimulation on my body.
The clitoris has
about 8,000 nerve endings,
and it's still not as sensitive
as the teenage boy
who doesn't know how to please me!
Badam ching!
No, I'm serious.
-Cool. I'm excited to have you audition.
-[Leila] Oh my God. Me too!
I can't believe
you're the director and the writer!
It's almost like we were meant
to be locked down together.
[cell phone vibrates]
'Cause Coming of Age has been,
like, the only thing
I've been looking forward to.
Right, Rachel?
[Rachel] Mm-hmm.
Dude, were you a part of this?
-[Leila] What? What's going on?
-You made the "Bomb Pussy" list.
You're one of the 50
Most Fuckable Females at Grand Army.
It's on Insta.
You're "Jap Pussy."
[Leila] Wait. Like "Japanese pussy"?
Jewish Asian Princess pussy?
-Wait. Who did this?
-The swim team.
Oh my God. Wait.
Does this mean that they wanna fuck me?
Wait. How is this even determined?
What's the criteria
for an amazing pussy? Are you on it?
You found it.
[Owen] All good?
No, my fucking cash is gone.
You have $200 for me?
-We don't.
-Well, I need my money right now.
[tense music plays]
[indistinct chattering]
Dom, you got to see this.
It's John.
He ditched right before the bomb went off,
remember?
No one's heard from him. Look.
Four dead and at least 19 injured.
[intercom beeps]
[man over PA]
Attention students and faculty.
Thank you for your patience
and cooperation
during this terrible tragedy.
After careful consideration,
NYPD counterterrorism forces
and emergency response teams
have cleared us for immediate evacuation.
Counselors will be available to talk
in the days and weeks to come.
Please, have a safe commute home.
Take care of each other, and be careful.
[boy 1] Let's get the fuck out of here!
[students] Yeah!
[girl] I hear that!
-[boy 2] Let's go!
-[boy 3] Let's do it, man.
-[gasps] Oh my God!
-[Tim exhales sharply]
-[giggles]
-Hi, best friend.
-Hi, best friend.
-[Joey] Oh!
Yo, this is fucking crazy.
-Did you call Mom yet?
-Yeah, I did.
-[girl] Yeah?
-Let's go.
-[Joey] Are you OK?
-Yeah, are you OK?
Oh my God.
[distant sirens wail]
-Holy shit.
-Fuck.
[woman] I was so worried about you.
Are you OK?
Yes, Mom, I'm fine.
It was just intense. That's it.
A Grand Army kid is missing.
Mom, you don't know him.
It's a basketball kid, a senior.
[mom] Oh my God. That's awful!
I'm I'm just glad you guys are safe.
JoJo?
Your dad said he's in the neighborhood.
Are you close to where you're meeting him?
Anna, Tim?
Is your mom coming to pick you two up?
Do you need a ride?
No, Tim texted her.
We're just gonna walk home.
[Joey] Mom, can I please just
come home or stay at Anna's?
[mom] We talked about this.
Now, I've been in communication
with your dad all day.
He drove all the way down there,
and he's waiting for you.
[Joey] I can't stand being there with her.
She's practically living there now.
Honestly, I don't think
that I should be forced to go
after everything today.
[mom] He's really worried,
and he wants to spend time with you.
[mom sighs heavily]
[Joey] Why are you taking his side?
He's such a dick to you all the time,
and you're--
[mom] Joey, stop! Jo!
JoJo, it's his weekend, babe,
and if we push him on it,
it's gonna turn into a blowout.
Oh my God. This day is so fucked.
-[boy] Delaney, where you at?
-Back here.
[mom] You and your dad meet me
near the office, and I'll come out,
and I'll give you a big squeeze,
and we can all talk.
You know what? Never mind. OK?
I love you. Talk to you later. I gotta go.
-[mom] Joey, wait.
-I gotta go. I'll text you, OK?
-Bye. Love you.
-[mom] Please!
[Joey ends call]
Hey, what's wrong?
Hey. Hey, we were just fucking around
with the Insta list. All right?
What? Dude, it's not that.
That was fucking offensive though.
Also, what the fuck?
I'm not good enough for your list?
-[Joey sighs]
-You're too good, Banana.
And we knew Timbo would kill us
if we put his sister on the list. Right?
You gotta delete that shit.
My family is a shit show.
-[sirens wail]
-And this thing today, like
it's a fucking nightmare.
Just come over.
No, I'm gonna go to a dance class.
I just need to
-Yeah.
-OK.
Here, you could have this back.
Just give it to me tonight.
OK.
[boy] OK, and when you're done,
how about we go to my place,
get fucked up, and then go to Conor's?
-[Joey] Please!
-All right.
Come on. Let's peace.
Should I pay for these?
[boy] Yeah, let's go.
[Joey] Bye.
Hey!
She's not into you like that.
[sirens wail]
[dramatic music plays]
[gasps]
[breathing heavily]
[pants]
[snarling]
[gasps]
[snarling]
[growling]
[growling continues]
[snarls]
[yelps, gasps]
[snarls]
-[grunts]
-[groaning]
[girl grunts]
[grunting]
-[breathing heavily]
-[snarling]
[growls]
Yeah, come and get me, cunt.
I'm a motherfucking Bomb Pussy!
And I will fuck the shit out of you!
[woman] Leila.
[reporter on TV] theory is
that this was a botched bombing.
[woman] Tea's ready, babes.
Thanks.
[TV] …the homemade pressure-cooker bomb
was detonated early in Grand Army Plaza.
Investigators are still working
to determine affiliation and motive.
However, we do know that it was committed
by a 24-year-old American man from Queens.
[mom] Pretty scary, Leila bean.
[TV] But investigators
have been able to determine a lot
Wanna talk about it?
We already talked about it.
[TV] We know he left his home
in Woodhaven, Queens,
where he was living with his mother
and father around 9:15 a.m.
MTA security footage shows the suspect
entering the 88th street Boyd Avenue
How come you guys
never put me in Hebrew school?
[TV] He boarded an A train
headed westbound at
We're not religious, sweets.
But didn't you think
I should be in Chinese school?
Well, you were never really interested.
You just wanted to do drama and dance.
Well, you could have forced me.
I mean, you forced me to do ceramics.
Is there something you know
that I don't know about me?
-What?
-Chinese girls at school
treat me like I'm not really Chinese.
[mom] Really?
No, it's fine.
I met some cool people today
during lockdown.
When's Rachel getting here
for your Walking Dead festival?
Actually, we wanna go to a party instead.
Can I?
[mom] Well, it
it's been an emotional day, honey.
But I wanna be with kids from my school.
I think it'll be healing for me.
-Will parents be there?
-Well, why? You don't trust me?
[TV] such as bridges, tunnels,
airports, and mass transit systems.
Yo, it's not like I wanna do this for us…
I fucking need to. Am I wrong?
-This cannot be a thing.
-[bell rings]
[Jay] I know. It won't.
I mean
my parents will fucking kill me.
[chuckles] I mean,
just picture my mom's face.
-[chuckling]
-[bell rings]
Gentlemen. Can I help you?
-[Owen] Hey, my man, what's up?
-[Jay] What's going on?
Made it through unscathed, fellas?
-[Jay] Yeah. I wouldn't say that, but
-[Owen] We're not physically injured.
[chuckling]
Thank God for that.
What are you eyeing?
Actually, today we're selling.
Charlie Parker,
"Happy Bird."
Original. Nice.
Yeah, it's mint.
[man] This one too?
[Jay] How much can you do?
How about $200?
-Where you getting $200?
-We looked on--
That's how much they're worth.
We did our research.
[man] Yeah. Right, but I can't buy them
for the same price I hope to sell them.
Well, how much can you do?
Are these the ones
your grandfather gave you?
Uh some of them, but he won't care.
I'm gonna give you
$100 for these three,
and I'm not gonna let you
sell me these two.
Wait. Why not? I know they're good.
[man] They are. And my advice to you
as a collector and a friend and a musician
is that you hold onto them.
I won't take them.
[cash register beeps]
[man] And you're saving
some precious gems.
You'll thank me.
Yep. Thanks a lot.
[Jay] I gotta go to the bathroom.
You know, bro, I'm actually glad.
I mean, you love those,
and you shouldn't sell them
if you don't want to.
-[boy] Hello.
-It's a
Eli, why are you here?
Dearest Jay-Bird texted me
you guys needed to cop.
What's up, Eli?
-We shouldn't have spent that money
-Owe! We need a smoke, OK?
I'm all intense and shit. So
-[Jay] All right?
-OK.
Two delicious treats
for two delicious boys.
Good looking out. You the dopest, E-money.
-Thanks for hauling ass over here.
-Always a pleasure.
[Owen] Thanks, Eli.
All right.
Gotta go make a few more deliveries.
-Good Shabbos, homies.
-[Jay] Later.
-We'll just hustle for the rest.
-Yeah, you fucking know it.
[instructor] Five, six, seven, eight.
You know I'm also a dancer. Let's go!
Pop that chest!
Pop that chest!
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Last stretch. Here we go.
Hey, hey, hey!
Pop. Pop! Let's go!
Yeah! Yes!
Ah! Ah! Five, six, seven, eight.
I cannot believe she said
you put your body on display.
-Dude.
-Fuck her!
No, actually, it was, "Use any excuse
to put your body on display."
-What the fuck? Fucking cunt.
-Cunt!
But I'm marching into battle
on Monday, bitch.
I can't believe you didn't fuck with her
more today.
Well, she couldn't.
It was bomb day.
Biggest terrorist attack death toll
in New York since 9/11?
Uh No. Westside Highway.
The guy who ran people over
with his truck.
[Tim] Do you guys think
John Ellis is dead?
Oh my God.
Dude, I'm such a dick,
but look over there. [snickering]
-Look at her.
-[giggling]
Leila. Leila!
Your phone, honey.
Make good choices.
[Joey] Oh my God!
Hot Asian Freshman.
I love her.
-[Joey] George!
-Yo!
[Tim] God, he's gone.
[Anna] Aw! Her mom dropped her off.
[Joey] Oh, so cute.
Ooh!
Get the fuck off now ♪
Get the fuck off my dick ♪
Hard to tell which one more perfect ♪
My art or my bitch ♪
Hard to tell which one more perfect, man
My car or my crib ♪
Avant-garde with this shit
Get your jaws off my dick ♪
Get the fuck off now
Get the fuck off my dick ♪
Hard to tell which one more perfect, man
My art, or my bitch ♪
Hard to tell which one more perfect, man
My car, or my crib ♪
Avant-garde with that shit
Get your jaws off my dick ♪
OK, wait.
I just wanna make sure I look OK.
-You do. Do I?
-Yes, dude. Your body's my favorite.
OK.
[Leila] There's gotta be a bathroom
in here.
-Oh my God! We're so sorry!
-[Rachel] Oh shit!
Sid, you're here!
[lock turns]
[breathing heavily]
-[Sid sighs]
-What's wrong?
Are we never gonna have sex?
You know the bomber was Muslim?
You're not Muslim, Sid.
Does that matter
when I look the way I do?
[girl giggles]
[Sid] I can't. Please stop.
[sighs heavily]
Get the fuck off now
Get the fuck off my dick ♪
That's the jam.
[boy] Yo, what's fucking good, y'all?
Yeah!
-[boy 2] Oh shit!
-[cheering]
[boy 2] It's John Ellis!
[John] Yo, I lost my fucking bag,
bro, my phone, all my shit
when it happened, bro,
'cause I was fuckin' running, bro.
I was fucking out of there, bro!
This shit is crazy!
[cheering]
Who wants hot dog chunks mixed in?
-I know you guys are disappointed.
-[girl] You said we'd get sword thingies.
-[boy] Yeah.
-I know, and you will.
But I lost my wallet
with all the registration money,
so we missed the deadline.
You know, something scary happened today.
We don't know if everyone's even OK,
so you don't need to complain.
[door opens]
I'll sign you up for something else
this spring, OK?
-What's up?
-Hey, you want food?
[boy 2] No.
-We're watching that!
-Yeah!
Don't yell, please!
[Dom] You're welcome.
I'm so glad I can be of service,
Your Highnesses.
[phone rings]
-[phone beeps]
-[party sounds]
What the fuck?
[Mika] Yo, he just got here.
Man, wow, bro.
Hey, this cheer you up?
Mika told me about your shit, boo!
-Who I gotta fight for you?
-[Jay] This Dom?
-Yo, there they are.
-Let me see real quick.
[Mika] What?
[Jay] Hey, Dom.
Yo, I'm realizing that we actually
never got a chance to say sorry.
I wanna say we're genuinely sorry,
and we'll pay you back on Monday!
And, uh, you're a beautiful
and generous human. And--
-[Owen] Stop. You gonna make her--
-[hangs up]
[hip-hop music plays]
[Joey] I got you a present.
-[sighs] I just hate myself.
I love you, I love you, I love you!
I'm sorry.
Are you still sleeping over?
Is George with you guys?
Is he?
[giggling]
[Grace] Is George here?
[Joey] I think I need to get a tattoo.
[snickers] Yeah.
-Your dad would fucking love that.
-Mm-hmm.
[chuckles]
-Joey.
-What? Hey!
You texted your mom
to tell your dad you're fine.
-Yeah, but I fucking ditched him today.
-I know.
[sighs]
I hate feeling like this.
Fuck it. I need to do something.
My brain feels like it's gonna explode.
-I need to do something right fucking now.
-Yeah. Let's go.
-Take your phone.
-[Joey] OK.
[Tim] Come on. Let's go.
They're being so extra
with each other, right?
Mm-hmm.
-You OK?
-I'm fine.
-Yeah?
-Yeah, I'm good.
-Yo, yo, yo! Listen up!
-[Anna] Luke, get down. Come on.
-Yo, cups up, motherfuckers!
-[Anna] George!
[all cheer] Yeah!
-Come on.
-[Luke] We didn't fucking die today!
And we're still here!
[cheering] Yeah!
You know what?
You wanna take us down?
You're gonna need a lot more
than a fucking bomb
strapped to your chest.
Bro, get the fuck down.
[Leila laughs]
-[gasps]
-[kids] Ooh!
What are you doing?
-Grace, stop!
-[gasps]
[Luke grunts, groans]
-[girl] Oh my God!
-[screaming]
[Grace sobs]
Jap Pussy killed our fucking friend!
[panting]
[coughs, groans]
[laughing]
[cheering]
Let's go! Let's go!
[laughter, yelling]
[calming music plays]
[recording] Whole-hearted living
is about engaging in our lives
from a place of worthiness.
It means cultivating the courage,
compassion, and connection
to wake up in the morning and think,
"No matter what gets done
and how much is left undone,
I am enough."
It's going to bed at night and thinking,
"Yes, I'm imperfect and vulnerable
and sometimes afraid.
But that doesn't change the truth,
that I am also brave
and worthy of love and belonging."
[horns honk]
[chuckling]
Excuse me, man! Oh shit.
Yeah, come on.
I've been waiting on an invitation ♪
-I've been living like a teenager ♪
-[doors beep]
I've been playing
Like it's already over ♪
Come on, doom, let's party ♪
Get it over ♪
Get it over ♪
[screaming]
[screaming]
[screaming]
I've been waiting on an invitation ♪
I've been living like ♪
It's gonna last forever ♪
Come on, doom, let's party ♪
Come on, doom, come on in ♪
Come on, doom, let's party ♪
Get it over ♪
Get it over ♪
Get it, yeah ♪
I've been waiting on an invitation ♪
I've been living like a dowager ♪
I've been playing like ♪