Gravity Falls (2012) s01e01 Episode Script

Ah, summer break - You want cheese on that hon? - Sure, Hank.
A time for leisure, recreation, and takin' 'er easy Unless you're me.
Aaaah!!! It's getting closer! My name is Dipper.
The girl about to puke is my sister Mabel.
You may be wondering what we're doing in a golf cart fleeing from a creature of unimaginable horror.
- Aah! - Aaah! - Look out! - Aahh! Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation.
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Let's rewind.
It all began when our parents decided we could use some fresh air.
They shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon, to stay at our great-uncle's place in the woods.
This attic is amazing! Check out all my splinters! Baaa! And there's a goat on my bed.
Hey, friend.
Oh! Yes, you can keep chewing on my sweater.
Ha ha ha ha ha! My sister tended to look on the bright side of things.
Yay! Grass! But I was having a hard time getting used to our new surroundings.
- Boo! - Aaaah! Aha ha ha ha! And then was our great-uncle Stan that guy.
Aha ha ha ha It was worth it.
Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap he called the Mystery Shack.
The real mystery was why anyone came.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold And guess who had to work there.
Oh! No touching the merchandise! It looked like it was gonna be the same boring routine all summer, until one fateful day He's looking at it.
He's looking at it! Uh "Do you like me? "Yes.
Definitely.
Absolutely"? - I rigged it! - Mabel, I know you're going through your whole "boy crazy" phase, - but I think you're kind of overdoing it with the "crazy" part.
- What?! Come on, Dipper! This is our first summer away from home.
It's my big chance to have an epic summer romance.
Yeah, but do you need to flirt with every guy you meet? My name is Mabel, but you can call me the girl of your dreams.
I'm joking! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, my gosh, you like turtles? I like turtles too.
What is happening here? Come one, come all, to the mattress prince's kingdom of savings! - Take me with you.
- Aaah! Mock all you want, brother, but I got a good feeling about this summer.
I wouldn't be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now.
Oh! Oh! Not good.
Ow.
- Oh, why?! - Ha ha ha! All right, look alive, people.
I need someone to go hammer up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.
- Not it! - Not it! - Uh, also not it.
Nobody asked you, Soos.
I know, and I'm comfortable with that.
Wendy! I need you to put up this sign! I would, but I uhh can't uhh reach it.
I'd fire all of you if I could.
All right, let's make it eeny-meeny-miney - You.
- Oh! What? Grunkle Stan, whenever I'm in those woods I feel like I'm being watched.
- Ahh, this again.
- I'm telling you, Something weird is going on in this town.
Just today my mosquito bites spelled out "beware.
" That says "bewarb.
" Look, kid, the whole "monsters in the forest" thing is just local legend drummed up by guys like me to sell merch to guys like that.
So quit being so paranoid! Ugh.
Grunkle Stan.
Nobody ever believes anything I say.
Huh? Baaa! What the? "It's hard to believe it's been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.
" What is all this? "Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed.
"I'm being watched.
"I must hide this book before he finds it.
Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.
" No one you can trust - Hello! - Aaah! Whatcha readin'? Some nerd thing? Uh uh it's nothing.
"Uh-uh it's nothing.
" What? Are you actually not gonna show me? Uh Let's go somewhere private.
It's amazing! Grunkle Stan said I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side.
Whoa! Shut up! After a certain point, the pages just stop, like the guy who was writing it mysteriously disappeared.
Who's that? Well, time to spill the beans.
Broop.
Beans.
This girl's got a date.
Whoo whoo! - Ha ha ha! - Let me get this straight.
In the half hour I was gone you already found a boyfriend? What can I say? I guess I'm just irresistible! Oh! Coming! - What you readin' there, slick? - Oh! I was just catchin' up on, uh - "Gold chains for old men magazine"? - That's a good issue.
Hey, family! Say hello to my new boyfriend! 'Sup? - Hey.
- How's it hangin'.
We met at the cemetery.
He's really deep.
Ooh! Little muscle there.
What what a surprise.
So what's your name? Uh Normal Man! He means "Norman.
" Are you bleeding, Norman? It's jam.
Oh! I love jam! Look at this! So, you wanna go hold hands or whatever? Oh! Oh, my goodness.
Don't wait up! There was something about Norman that wasn't right.
I decided to consult the journal "Known for their pale skin and bad attitudes, "these creatures are often mistaken for Teenagers?! "Beware Gravity Falls's nefarious 'Sup? Zombie!" Did somebody say "cromby"? What is that, "cromby"? It's not even a word.
You're losin' your mind.
I like you.
Oh, no! Mabel! - No! No, Mabel! Watch out! - Uhh! Aaaah! Uhh.
Daisies? You scallywag! Is my sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going nuts? It's a dilemma, to be sure.
I couldn't help but overhear you talking aloud to yourself in this empty room.
Soos, you've seen Mabel's boyfriend.
He's gotta be a zombie, right? Hmm.
How many brains did you see the guy eat? - Zero.
- Look, dude, I believe you.
I'm always noticing weird stuff in this town.
Like the mailman? Pretty sure that dude's a werewolf.
But you gotta have evidence.
Otherwise people are gonna think you're a major league cuckoo clock.
As always, Soos, you're right.
My wisdom is both a blessing and a curse.
Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again! I am needed elsewhere.
My sister could be in trouble.
It was time to get some evidence.
Aaauuggh! Aaah! Aauggh! I'd seen enough.
Mabel, we've gotta talk about Norman.
Isn't he the best? Check out this giant smooch mark he gave me! - Aaah! - Ha ha! Gullible.
It was just an accident with the leaf blower.
Kissing practice! Mmm Mmm Aah! Turn it off! Turn it off! - That was fun.
- No! Mabel, listen.
I'm trying to tell you that Norman is not what he seems! You think he might be a vampire? That would be so awesome! Guess again, sister.
- Sha-bam! - Aaah! Oh, wait.
I'm I'm sorry.
- Sha-bam! - A zombie? That is not funny, Dipper.
I'm not joking! It all adds up: the bleeding, the limp He never blinks! Have you noticed that? Maybe he's blinking when you're blinking.
Mabel, remember what the book said about Gravity Falls? "Trust no one"! What about me, huh? Why can't you trust me? - Beep-bop! - Mabel! He's gonna eat your brain! Dipper, listen to me.
Norman and I are going on a date at five o'clock, and I'm gonna be adorable, and he's gonna be dreamy.
- Wait! But but but - And I'm not gonna let you ruin it with one of your crazy conspiracies! Ohh.
What am I gonna do? Coming! Hey, Norman.
How do I look? Shiny! You always know what to say! Soos is right.
I don't have any real evidence.
I guess I can be kind of paranoid sometimes, and wait! What?! Aaah! I was right! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan! And here we have "rock that looks like a face" rock the rock that looks like a face.
- Does it look like a rock? - No, it looks like a face.
- Is it a face? - It's a rock that looks like a face! Over here! Grunkle Stan! For the fifth time, it's not an actual face! Grrrr!!! Finally, we're alone.
Yes Alone.
Stan! Stan! Wendy! Wendy! I need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie! Try not to hit any pedestrians.
Dude, it's me, Soos.
- This is for the zombies.
- Thanks.
And this is in case you see a piñata.
Uh Thanks? Better safe than sorry! Mable, now that we've gotten to know each other, there's There's something I should tell you.
Oh, Norman! You can tell me anything! Please be a vampire, please be a vampire.
All right, just just don't freak out, okay? Just just keep an open mind.
Be cool.
Is this weird? Is this too weird? You need to sit down? R-right.
I'll explain.
So, we're gnomes, first off, get that one out of the way.
- Uh - I'm Jeff, and here we have Carson, Steve, Jason and I'm sorry, I always forget your name.
Shmebulock.
Shmebulock.
Yes! Anyways, long story short, us gnomes have been lookin' for a new queen.
Right, guys? Queen! Queen! Heh! So whaddya say? Will you join us in holy matri-gnome-y? Matri matri mony? Bleahh! Can't talk today.
Look I'm sorry, guys, you're really sweet, but I'm a girl and you're gnomes and it's like, "what?!" Yikes.
We understand.
We'll never forget you, Mabel.
- Because we're gonna kidnap you.
- Huh?! Don't worry, Mabel! I'll save you from that zombie! Help!!!! Hold on! The more you struggle, the more awkward this is gonna be for everybody.
Just ha ha! Okay, just get her arm there, Steve.
Aah! Let go of me! Uhh what the heck is goin' on here?! Aah! Dipper! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes! And they're total jerks! Uhh! Hair! Hair! Gnomes? Huh.
I was way off.
"Gnomes.
Little men of the Gravity Falls forest.
"Weaknesses:" unknown.
Oh, come on! Hey! Hey! Let go of my sister! Oh! Ha ha.
Hey there! Um, ya know, this is all really just a big misunderstanding, ya see? Your sister's not in danger She's just marrying all one thousand of us and become our gnome queen for all eternity.
Isn't that right, honey? You guys are butt-faces! Give her back right now, or else! You think you can stop us, boy? You have no idea what we're capable of.
The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with the Aaaah! He's getting away with our queen! No, no, no!!! Seat belt.
You've messed with the wrong creatures, boy.
Gnomes of the forest Assemble! Hurry! Before they come after us! I wouldn't worry about it.
You see their little legs? Suckers are tiny.
Dang.
All right, teamwork, guys! Like we practiced.
Move.
Move! - Come back with our queen! - It's getting closer! Eh! Yahh! Brahh!! Shmebulock! I'll save you, Dipper! Uh! Ow! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!!! - Thanks, Mabel.
- Don't mention it.
Yahh! Look out! Stay back, man! Uhh! Where's Grunkle Stan? Behold! The world's most distracting object! - Oooh! - Just try to look away you can't! I can't even remember what I was talkin' about.
It's the end of the line, kids.
Mabel, marry us before we do something crazy! There's gotta be a way out of this! - I gotta do it.
- What?! Mabel, don't do this! Are you crazy? - Trust me.
- What?! Dipper, just this once Trust me.
- All right, Jeff, I'll marry you.
- Hot dog! Help me down there, Jason.
Thanks.
Andy, left foot, there we go, watch those fingers, Mike.
Ehh? Ehh? Bada-Bing, bada-bam! Now let's get you back into the forest, honey! You may now kiss the bride.
Well, uh, don't mind if I do.
Aah! Hey, wait a minute! Ahh-aahh Whoa! Whoa! W-what's going on? Aah! Aaah! That's for lying to me! That's for breaking my heart! Ow! My face! And this is for messing with my brother! - Wanna do the honors? - On three.
One, two, three! I'll Get you back for this!!!!! Who's giving orders? I need orders! My arms are tired! Anyone else wants some? Baaaa! Hey, Dipper.
I, um, I'm sorry for ignoring your advice.
You really were just looking out for me.
Oh, don't be like that.
You saved our butts back there.
I guess I'm just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of gnomes.
Look on the bright side Maybe the next one will be a vampire.
You're just saying that.
Awkward sibling hug? Awkward sibling hug.
- Pat pat.
- Pat pat.
Sheesh! You two get hit by a bus or somethin'? Aha! Uh, hey! W-wouldn't you know it? Um, I accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how's about each of you take one item from the gift shop on the house? - Really? - What's the catch? The catch is do it before I change my mind.
Now take something.
- Hmm - Oooh! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Hmm.
That oughta do the trick.
And I will have a Grappling hook! - Yes! - Wouldn't you rather have a doll or something? - Grappling hook! - Fair enough.
"This journal told me there was no one in Gravity Falls "I could trust.
"But when you battle a hundred gnomes "side-by-side with someone, you realize that they've probably always got your back.
" Hey, Mabel, could you get the light? I'm on it.
It worked! - Ha ha ha! - These grappling hooks Our uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town.
But who knows what other secrets are waiting to be unlocked? Support Us and Donate.
Aaah! Bleahh Eahhh Eahhhh Eahhh Eahhhh Eahhh Eahhhh Eahhh Eahhhh Eahhh Eahhhh Eahhh Eahhhh.