Hap and Leonard (2016) s01e01 Episode Script
Savage Season
1 [Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Up Around the Bend" playing.]
[sirens blaring.]
There's a place up ahead and I'm going Just as fast as my feet can fly [groaning.]
- [shouts and groans.]
- Hold on, Softboy.
[over radio.]
Robbery at First National Bank.
Guard shot and killed.
Suspects armed.
Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Help me, man.
I'm bleeding out here.
Don't worry, Softboy.
I got this.
Get us the hell out of here, man! [groaning.]
Hitch a ride to the end of the highway Where the neons turn to wood Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Yeah We lost them.
Careful! Slow down! Shit! Where's the road? Oh, shit! [both screaming.]
Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Yeah Softboy! Help! Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Do, do-do Do-do, do-do Yeah Do-do, do-do [sirens wailing in the distance.]
[coughs.]
[somber music.]
[groaning.]
[laid-back rock music.]
That hairline going toward the south.
Gonna end up in Mexico.
It's called "gently receding.
" It's called "disappearing.
" Well, my brain's growing Growing weeds.
'Cause of all that thinking I've been doing.
Thinking 'bout what? All the money you gon' save on shampoo? Thinkin' about how you talk too much.
[horn beeps.]
Hey, you two.
End of the day.
Collect your pay.
You're done.
- On account of what? - On account of cheaper labor.
Farm south of here went under.
Whole batch of Mexicans just rolled in.
[laughs.]
Christmas came early.
Send in the Mexicans! [Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World".]
[yells.]
God damn it! [yells.]
- Leonard - Shit! Well, that sucks.
So many kinds.
Regular's cheaper.
Bottom shelf.
Oh.
[over intercom.]
Cleanup on aisle four.
Those aren't cheap.
You can take a man's job, but you can't take his cookies.
[register dings.]
You doing coupons now? Don't look at me.
He's the domestic one.
You got 2 bucks? Thank you, miss.
Well, go on.
Go get the car, Rochester.
Oh, yes, sir, Massa Hap.
I'll go right away.
You like me to give you a bath while you No, no, no.
Thank you.
Go on.
- 'Cause I'll do it now.
- Get out of here.
Okay, Massa.
I'll wash your feet, Massa.
It is so hard to get good help these days.
Oh [dramatic percussive music.]
Pull.
[machine twangs.]
[gunshot.]
You ever miss? Just on purpose.
[car horn honks.]
Oh, boy.
Here comes trouble.
Can you be nice for once? You just watch her.
I'm watching.
That's not what I'm talking about.
She does it again, don't come crying to me.
I look like a fool to you? And then some.
You just remember: a stiff dick ain't got no conscience.
Hey, Hap.
Hey.
Leonard.
Trudy.
Check up on you later.
Remember what I said.
[tailgate slams.]
[car door slams.]
He mad about something? He doesn't like you.
I forgot.
No, you didn't.
Been a while, huh? Hmm.
I wanted to look good.
You do.
Jazzercise.
I got myself a video, and I do what it says.
Us older ladies have to work at it.
Well, it's working.
[thunder rumbling.]
So you want something? Got any coffee? Mm-hmm.
Should we go up to the house? That's where the coffee's at.
[mellow country music.]
[thunder rolling.]
You still working the rose fields? It's honest work.
You deserve better.
What're you gonna do when you're too old for it? You sound like Leonard.
Maybe he's smarter than I think.
Oh, he is.
Why's he hate me so much? Well, it was 20 years ago But I think him joining up for the war and then you giving him hell for it had something to do with it.
I still think he was wrong.
If no one would fight, there'd be no wars.
[chuckles softly.]
How's What's his name? Howard.
Howard.
I don't think I'm cut out for marriage.
I had you, and I screwed that up, didn't I? It was no great loss.
I left you for Pete and Pete for Bill and Bill for Howard.
We got divorced a year ago.
Oh.
Maybe I ought to grow up.
Relationships are all about trust, I hear.
I trust you.
[sighs.]
[rain pattering.]
[gentle country music playing over radio.]
I've missed you, Hap.
It's been a long time.
Remember that summer when we would dance till the roadhouse closed? Fool around in the back of your car underneath the stars? I wasn't fooling.
Neither was I.
[thunder rolls.]
Well, I've never yet been left Brokenhearted Because you never loved Long enough to care Can you tell my love In my eyes That I've been loving you All the time I've been lookin' I know [both sighing and moaning.]
And that he's the one who keeps you Always cryin' Huh.
Is that for me? [groans.]
[zipper unzips.]
Oh, that's not fair.
Nothing is, sugar.
Long enough my way Can you tell my love In my eyes That I've been loving you All the time I've been [phone ringing.]
[owl hooting.]
[phone ringing.]
- Yeah? - She still there? Yeah.
Shit.
[sighs.]
Well, nice knowing you, brother.
A hard dick knows no conscience.
A wise man once told me that.
Bullshit.
It always mean more to you.
This is Leonard you're talking to, not some rose field nigger.
'Cept you are a rose field nigger.
And so am I.
A white one.
What you doing up so late, minding my business? Trying to get drunk.
She gonna dump you again, you know? You listening to Roy? [Roy Acuff's "No One Will Ever Know" playing.]
That's not good.
Not when you're drinking, buddy.
She still talking that hippie shit? [chuckles.]
People change, Leonard.
Wow Like the '60s, man.
Neat.
I was there too, Hap.
It was just the '80s with tie-dyed T-shirts.
Now, don't fall for it.
No.
Nothing to fall for.
Just getting laid.
Yeah.
Guess every time you take a shit come out smelling like lollipops too, you dumb son of a bitch.
[dial tone humming.]
[thunder rumbling.]
[sighs.]
Leave it.
It looks good.
I'm starting to look like my dad.
There's no beauty in perfection, honey.
Hmm.
What's with the birdcage? Picked it up at a yard sale.
Reminded me of Cheep.
It's funny, you know, but I miss that little bird.
Me too.
Used to fly all around the house.
Remember? Like a Disney movie.
- Hap? - Mm-hmm.
I need your help.
[thunder rumbling.]
I'm broke, Trudy.
All I got are bills and late notices I didn't come for money.
You always come for something.
You're the only one I could ask.
It's big.
And it could be good for both of us.
Okay.
Ask.
Hap, my love, how would you like to make $200,000? [scuffling.]
[grunts.]
[lively rock music.]
You're soft, boy.
You fight like a man that's been getting laid.
[grunts.]
And you hit like a man who isn't.
You're cute when you gloat.
You know that? Yeah.
I'm cute when I fart.
And I'm cute when I take a shit.
[both grunting.]
No, when you take a shit, you look like you're meltin'.
Stop! So what you doing here, anyway? You ain't never woke up this early on a Sunday morning in your life.
I got a deal.
I was thinking about cutting you in on it.
A lot of money.
How much? Lots.
You could start your own business.
Maybe get a little shoeshine stand down at the bus depot.
[clattering.]
Whoa.
[laughs.]
You all right, peckerwood? [sighs.]
I've been worse.
Barn's spinning, though.
You always overcommit in love and war.
That's your problem, my friend.
Ever since we was kids.
How much money we talking? $100,000 Each.
We got to shoot somebody? Uh-uh.
All we got to do is swim for it.
I don't like being railroaded like this, Hap.
You should have asked me before you told him.
Well, if you don't want him, you can't have me.
It's a package deal or no deal.
Howard wasn't that keen on me asking you in the first place.
Just use that trailer trash charm of yours.
Works on Hap.
Know what your problem is, Leonard? You're jealous.
Always have been.
Oh, baby, Hap's got a perky ass and all, but he ain't my type.
Oh, just can it, both of you.
Can't we just pretend to be friends? For now, at least? Okay, tell Leonard what you told me.
I want him to hear it from you before he makes up his mind.
Okay.
My last husband, Howard, traveled the country speaking against nuclear reactors until he got arrested.
"Damaging government property," they called it.
Howard thought it was his responsibility as a human being Spare me the politics.
It is bad for my heart.
Just the goods, pretty please.
Fine.
Howard got sentenced to two years at Leavenworth My alma mater.
All her ex-husbands go there.
And while he was in prison, he met a man named Softboy McCall.
[grunting.]
They called him the Raccoon Bandit.
Now, Softboy fancied himself a gangster.
Help! Oh, shit! But he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
Hey, hey.
Howard Howard ends up being his cellmate.
They get close.
They get so close, he tells him about a car full of stolen money he left laying at the bottom of the Sabine River.
A million dollars.
Tells Howard if he can find it, he'll split it with him.
Let me guess the end of this here story.
He told Howard where the money is.
And no one else knows about it.
What about this Softboy? He never made it out.
Prison food didn't suit him.
[dramatic music.]
[growls.]
Hmm? [grunting.]
[all shouting.]
[alarms blaring.]
[laughing.]
The police didn't search the river for this money? They did, but Softboy left out one detail he only told Howard.
The Iron Bridge.
What bridge? When Hap and I were married, he'd talk about this old bridge in Marvel Creek.
My dad used to take me there fishin', you know, when he could get around.
A lot of stories about that bridge.
Lot of bad things happened there over the years.
Local kids say it's haunted.
So, uh, how come you and Howard ain't try to find the money on your own? Howard doesn't know the Sabine River, and he can't find the bridge.
But Hap can.
Hell, Hap can't even find a pair of shoes he had on last night, much less a bridge he ain't seen in over 20 years.
'Cept my shoes don't have a million dollars in 'em.
[chuckles.]
I need something like this.
So do you.
Now, what do you say, partner? [gravel crunching.]
What are the cops doing here? [dog barking.]
Uncle Chester.
[car door slams.]
Pine, this belongs to you.
What'd he do now? Caused a nuisance over at the pharmacy over some out-of-date coupons.
- Coupons? - Knocked over a display.
I was gonna run him in, but Mr.
Clemens wouldn't press charges.
Told me to bring him out here.
He threatened to shove this cane up my ass.
- That all? - Sideways.
- [chuckles.]
- Something funny? No, no.
Who's she? You don't recognize her? That's Miss Laborde, 1967.
Don't smart-mouth me.
I-I wasn't.
She actually is.
We'll take him home.
Thanks.
I need an answer, Hap.
Okay.
Later.
[indistinct police radio transmission.]
Get, get! Come on, shitheads.
Take me home.
[engine turns over.]
[mouths words.]
[scoffs.]
I tell you, much as you've been seeing the cops, you might as well go and get 'em a chauffeur's outfit.
Start tipping 'em.
Save your smart mouth for your boyfriend.
I used to wipe your black ass, boy.
That's a nice cane you got there, Mr.
Pine.
You trying to be funny? - Nope.
No, sir.
- Don't patronize me.
All right, Chester, just lay off.
Rag on me all you want, but leave Hap out of it.
He do me a favor.
[coughing.]
Get Get your faggot hands off me.
[coughing.]
[solemn music.]
Come on, lemme out.
Lemme out, so you and your bitch can go home and cheek stuff each other.
Come on.
Listen to me, Mr.
Pine.
Your nephew is my friend.
Now, I don't like dick any more than you do, but he does, but that's his business.
He don't need you riding him on it.
So you do that in front of me again, I'm gonna take that cane, shove it up your ass, and break it clean off.
Understood? So what's it with the two of you anyway? Him the way he is and you the way you are.
I don't get it.
You don't have to.
Now, you can get out of the truck, sir.
Sons of bitches! Lowlife niggers! What is it, Mr.
Pine? Oh, all them crack-smoking shitheads, they broke my lock again.
I ain't got shit, and they keep breaking in anyway.
Stealing my toilet paper, tuna fish.
[laughing.]
Think that's funny.
Leonard You bad now, huh? - What you gonna do - [screaming.]
[bone crunches.]
Oh! [wailing.]
[men shouting.]
Any one of y'all mess with that old man again, I'll come back and rip you so hard, your daddy ass'll bleed.
You hear me? We done? Yeah, we done.
[percussive music.]
'Bout that money Mm-hmm? When we leavin'? Soon as.
[rifle cocks.]
Hey, what about your .
22 target pistol and your Hopalong Cassidy cap gun? Ha, ha.
Maybe you could find a bazooka or a couple of land mines, some grenades.
Shit, we're just gonna dive down to find that money, not shoot at it.
You know, for a hell of a shot, you sure do hate guns.
I don't mind guns.
I mind what they used for.
Look, Trudy's your cross to bear.
We don't know this Howard from nothing.
Oh, he's a hippie idealist.
He's gonna take that money from the big bad capitalist bank and give it to a good cause.
What cause? Save the seals.
Save the whales.
I didn't ask.
I get any money out of this, the only cause I'ma give it to is me.
Seals ain't got no bills to pay.
Yeah.
How close is this Howard and Trudy, anyway? I don't know, and I don't care.
I told you just getting laid, that's all.
[scoffs.]
Boy, you keep telling yourself that.
I don't know how I let you talk me into these things.
Well, rumor has it, it's something to do with my perky ass.
Christ, perky ass? Oh, I only said that to annoy Trudy.
You being alive annoys Trudy.
Hey, good boy Good boy.
Yeah.
They gonna be okay while you're gone? Neighbor gonna look after 'em for me.
Hey, babies.
[barking.]
[laughs.]
[barking.]
What's his problem? He's protective of Leonard, especially around new people.
Turns on a dime.
That's why I named him Switch.
You think this is funny, don't you? Your dog is dangerous, Leonard.
Just a good judge of character.
[upbeat banjo music.]
[bird singing.]
[wings flutter.]
What the hell is this place? Used to belong to a biker gang; the feds busted 'em, and the bank foreclosed on the property.
[bell rings.]
Hey, Chub.
Oh, hey, Trudy.
This is Hap and Leonard.
They're with us.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I ain't giving my share to no whales.
I read "Moby Dick.
" I was rooting for Ahab.
This is Chub.
My real name's Charles.
Everybody calls me Chub, you know, 'cause I'm fat.
I didn't know Trudy had any African-American friends.
She don't.
I'm an admirer of Martin Luther King.
Never met him.
Gandhi, either.
I seen Elvis, though, once, at a Bob's Big Boy when I was a kid.
[breathily.]
Oh, I love Elvis.
Did you know that Elvis had an Oedipus complex? Chub's father had anger issues.
He used to beat on my mama and me.
Chub's been through analysis.
He's come real far.
Want to follow me? [melodic rock music.]
People run around Crazy Town Seems they have found a place to groove on Just about the time they're wound Someone comes along and says to move on Oh, my, he's a catch.
Howard, this is Hap.
Hey.
So nice to meet you.
So nice to meet you.
Trudy's told me a lot about you.
Oh.
And this is Leonard.
He's in on it too.
Wouldn't come without him.
It's like they're married or something.
Just engaged.
Still picking out china.
It's okay.
Leonard was a marine.
He's a trained diver.
Yeah, right.
So you swim, right? [scoffs.]
Like a goddamn eel.
Okay, well, welcome.
So let's head inside.
Get the team acquainted.
Come on.
"Team.
" I like that.
Maybe we'll get some T-shirts with a logo on it.
Thinking "Bozos," or "Dipshit Ex-Husbands.
" [thunk.]
I'm Paco.
[sitar music.]
The spirit of the era is still alive here, and those ideals we held are not dead, just sleeping.
Like a hibernating bear, it's time we wake it up.
Yeah, that that it's great.
That's all good, but it's been a long drive, and we thought we were here to talk business, so This this is our business.
To unite people.
We've become a nation that values nothing, except greed, consumption, turning our backs on those who need us most.
All the while lining the pockets of Wall Street.
- Right.
- Big business.
The '90s are right around the corner.
We're still ignoring social injustices like economic disparity, and where's your piece of the American pie, Leonard? - Oh, I ate mine.
- [laughs.]
Howard's right.
People are getting smothered.
Rich get richer while the poor get poorer - Get obliterated.
- Mm-hmm! I mean, just look at you two.
Well, on that note, think I'ma go have me a pipe.
Call me when you get around to the folk song part.
I'm good on "I Got a Hammer.
" I don't think your friend likes us.
Well, my friend didn't spend the '60s smoking dope and protesting.
No, he he spent 'em trying not to get his ass shot off in Vietnam.
So he knows about guns.
Like a dog knows his own ass.
[giggles.]
Hey, uh, why do I get that feeling that I-I'm being recruited? Like-minded people need to work together if there's any hope for change in this world.
Yeah, I think the world will be as it is with or without Hap Collins.
I learned that the hard way.
You can't be that jaded, Hap.
You used to dream about these kind of ideas.
We can still make a difference.
With speeches? With money, man.
There's a million dollars at the bottom of that river, and it can be a seed.
If we plant it, it'll grow, and it can be used to even the playing field between the haves and the have-nots.
Yeah, this, uh, have-not is gonna keep his money.
End of story.
You know, change is scary.
Some people, they can't do it, and they just run and hide in their little cocoon.
It's a defense mechanism.
Ow! Paco! You cut out that self-help shit, or I'll knock you down for real.
He ain't interested.
Let him find the bridge, and leave it at that.
Well, I got to say, I am disappointed, Hap.
Now, Trudy led me to believe you'd be different.
Yeah, well Trudy doesn't know me as well as she used to, so Look, it's been a long day, and I think us kids should, uh, call it a night.
What kids? We're all adults here.
Really? Have you listened to yourself recently? 'Cause you sound like a college freshman who's said good-bye to his mom and dad and found dope and liberal politics for the first time.
Well, I can't help but think there's more to this, Hap.
Now, maybe it has something to do with your feelings for Trudy.
Making you lose sight of the bigger picture.
Hey, uh, how's this for a bigger picture? - Whoa, hey.
Whoa, hey.
- Howard, don't.
You can't argue with him when he's like this.
She's right; I'd be willing to place a small wager on the fact that she's not telling you everything.
But, I mean, she told me that you two made love last night, if that's what you mean.
[laughs.]
Oh, God.
Oh, God, no.
We don't play possessive games here, man.
I mean, it's just sex, right? It doesn't mean anything.
- Maybe it don't to you.
- No, hey, look.
Trudy doesn't belong to me, and she doesn't belong to you, all right? She's her own woman, and we're all friends here.
Yeah.
Ah! We didn't come here to make friends, friend.
Hap, let him go.
It's over.
Howard, is it over? Yeah.
Yeah, man, it's over.
Good.
Good.
Good night.
So, uh so that's your Howard, huh? What happened to you? Life.
And you.
That didn't help.
I'll tell you, boy, I let you talk me into some dumb shit, but this right here take the dumb shit cake.
Hmm.
These people a bunch a cotton-pickin' clowns.
Maybe you're right, but at least they're trying.
Well, if the '60s had never happened, you might still be drinking out of a water fountain marked "colored.
" You sound like the fat one.
Where you going? Take a ride.
I need some air.
[gentle acoustic music.]
[engine revs.]
[engine stops.]
[insects chirping.]
[horn blaring.]
[thunder crashes.]
[1950s love ballad playing.]
[chuckles.]
That nigger's wetter than a well digger's ass.
[chuckles.]
Damn it.
[thunder crashes.]
[brakes squeal.]
[rain rushing.]
All right, nigger's got a kid in the car.
You stay here, Hap.
Hold down the wagon train.
Stay put, you hear? [thunder rumbling.]
[thumping percussive music.]
[indistinct police radio transmission.]
[yawns.]
[knocking.]
Hey there, fella.
Know you got a taillight out.
Hey there, officer.
Yeah, I saw you pass a ways back, and I, uh Hmm, okay.
Yeah, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to write you up for it.
You got to do what you got to do.
Are you high, son? High on life.
[pounding, moaning.]
What's that? What's what? I'm gonna need you to step out of the car, son.
Come on.
Now, keep your hands where I can see 'em.
Yes, sir.
- I need you to open this trunk.
- Uh-huh.
- This one? - Yeah, this is the one.
All right.
Come on.
Do it.
Do it slowly.
The hell are you smilin' about? Disco.
What-co? Disco ball.
Whump-whump.
Whump-whump.
What the shit? - Oh! - [shrieks.]
That's my girl.
Now I'm looking for a man named Paco.
[grunting and sputtering.]
[dramatic percussive music.]
[sirens blaring.]
There's a place up ahead and I'm going Just as fast as my feet can fly [groaning.]
- [shouts and groans.]
- Hold on, Softboy.
[over radio.]
Robbery at First National Bank.
Guard shot and killed.
Suspects armed.
Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Help me, man.
I'm bleeding out here.
Don't worry, Softboy.
I got this.
Get us the hell out of here, man! [groaning.]
Hitch a ride to the end of the highway Where the neons turn to wood Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Yeah We lost them.
Careful! Slow down! Shit! Where's the road? Oh, shit! [both screaming.]
Come on the rising wind We're going up around the bend Yeah Softboy! Help! Do-do, do-do Do-do, do-do Do, do-do Do-do, do-do Yeah Do-do, do-do [sirens wailing in the distance.]
[coughs.]
[somber music.]
[groaning.]
[laid-back rock music.]
That hairline going toward the south.
Gonna end up in Mexico.
It's called "gently receding.
" It's called "disappearing.
" Well, my brain's growing Growing weeds.
'Cause of all that thinking I've been doing.
Thinking 'bout what? All the money you gon' save on shampoo? Thinkin' about how you talk too much.
[horn beeps.]
Hey, you two.
End of the day.
Collect your pay.
You're done.
- On account of what? - On account of cheaper labor.
Farm south of here went under.
Whole batch of Mexicans just rolled in.
[laughs.]
Christmas came early.
Send in the Mexicans! [Tears for Fears' "Everybody Wants to Rule the World".]
[yells.]
God damn it! [yells.]
- Leonard - Shit! Well, that sucks.
So many kinds.
Regular's cheaper.
Bottom shelf.
Oh.
[over intercom.]
Cleanup on aisle four.
Those aren't cheap.
You can take a man's job, but you can't take his cookies.
[register dings.]
You doing coupons now? Don't look at me.
He's the domestic one.
You got 2 bucks? Thank you, miss.
Well, go on.
Go get the car, Rochester.
Oh, yes, sir, Massa Hap.
I'll go right away.
You like me to give you a bath while you No, no, no.
Thank you.
Go on.
- 'Cause I'll do it now.
- Get out of here.
Okay, Massa.
I'll wash your feet, Massa.
It is so hard to get good help these days.
Oh [dramatic percussive music.]
Pull.
[machine twangs.]
[gunshot.]
You ever miss? Just on purpose.
[car horn honks.]
Oh, boy.
Here comes trouble.
Can you be nice for once? You just watch her.
I'm watching.
That's not what I'm talking about.
She does it again, don't come crying to me.
I look like a fool to you? And then some.
You just remember: a stiff dick ain't got no conscience.
Hey, Hap.
Hey.
Leonard.
Trudy.
Check up on you later.
Remember what I said.
[tailgate slams.]
[car door slams.]
He mad about something? He doesn't like you.
I forgot.
No, you didn't.
Been a while, huh? Hmm.
I wanted to look good.
You do.
Jazzercise.
I got myself a video, and I do what it says.
Us older ladies have to work at it.
Well, it's working.
[thunder rumbling.]
So you want something? Got any coffee? Mm-hmm.
Should we go up to the house? That's where the coffee's at.
[mellow country music.]
[thunder rolling.]
You still working the rose fields? It's honest work.
You deserve better.
What're you gonna do when you're too old for it? You sound like Leonard.
Maybe he's smarter than I think.
Oh, he is.
Why's he hate me so much? Well, it was 20 years ago But I think him joining up for the war and then you giving him hell for it had something to do with it.
I still think he was wrong.
If no one would fight, there'd be no wars.
[chuckles softly.]
How's What's his name? Howard.
Howard.
I don't think I'm cut out for marriage.
I had you, and I screwed that up, didn't I? It was no great loss.
I left you for Pete and Pete for Bill and Bill for Howard.
We got divorced a year ago.
Oh.
Maybe I ought to grow up.
Relationships are all about trust, I hear.
I trust you.
[sighs.]
[rain pattering.]
[gentle country music playing over radio.]
I've missed you, Hap.
It's been a long time.
Remember that summer when we would dance till the roadhouse closed? Fool around in the back of your car underneath the stars? I wasn't fooling.
Neither was I.
[thunder rolls.]
Well, I've never yet been left Brokenhearted Because you never loved Long enough to care Can you tell my love In my eyes That I've been loving you All the time I've been lookin' I know [both sighing and moaning.]
And that he's the one who keeps you Always cryin' Huh.
Is that for me? [groans.]
[zipper unzips.]
Oh, that's not fair.
Nothing is, sugar.
Long enough my way Can you tell my love In my eyes That I've been loving you All the time I've been [phone ringing.]
[owl hooting.]
[phone ringing.]
- Yeah? - She still there? Yeah.
Shit.
[sighs.]
Well, nice knowing you, brother.
A hard dick knows no conscience.
A wise man once told me that.
Bullshit.
It always mean more to you.
This is Leonard you're talking to, not some rose field nigger.
'Cept you are a rose field nigger.
And so am I.
A white one.
What you doing up so late, minding my business? Trying to get drunk.
She gonna dump you again, you know? You listening to Roy? [Roy Acuff's "No One Will Ever Know" playing.]
That's not good.
Not when you're drinking, buddy.
She still talking that hippie shit? [chuckles.]
People change, Leonard.
Wow Like the '60s, man.
Neat.
I was there too, Hap.
It was just the '80s with tie-dyed T-shirts.
Now, don't fall for it.
No.
Nothing to fall for.
Just getting laid.
Yeah.
Guess every time you take a shit come out smelling like lollipops too, you dumb son of a bitch.
[dial tone humming.]
[thunder rumbling.]
[sighs.]
Leave it.
It looks good.
I'm starting to look like my dad.
There's no beauty in perfection, honey.
Hmm.
What's with the birdcage? Picked it up at a yard sale.
Reminded me of Cheep.
It's funny, you know, but I miss that little bird.
Me too.
Used to fly all around the house.
Remember? Like a Disney movie.
- Hap? - Mm-hmm.
I need your help.
[thunder rumbling.]
I'm broke, Trudy.
All I got are bills and late notices I didn't come for money.
You always come for something.
You're the only one I could ask.
It's big.
And it could be good for both of us.
Okay.
Ask.
Hap, my love, how would you like to make $200,000? [scuffling.]
[grunts.]
[lively rock music.]
You're soft, boy.
You fight like a man that's been getting laid.
[grunts.]
And you hit like a man who isn't.
You're cute when you gloat.
You know that? Yeah.
I'm cute when I fart.
And I'm cute when I take a shit.
[both grunting.]
No, when you take a shit, you look like you're meltin'.
Stop! So what you doing here, anyway? You ain't never woke up this early on a Sunday morning in your life.
I got a deal.
I was thinking about cutting you in on it.
A lot of money.
How much? Lots.
You could start your own business.
Maybe get a little shoeshine stand down at the bus depot.
[clattering.]
Whoa.
[laughs.]
You all right, peckerwood? [sighs.]
I've been worse.
Barn's spinning, though.
You always overcommit in love and war.
That's your problem, my friend.
Ever since we was kids.
How much money we talking? $100,000 Each.
We got to shoot somebody? Uh-uh.
All we got to do is swim for it.
I don't like being railroaded like this, Hap.
You should have asked me before you told him.
Well, if you don't want him, you can't have me.
It's a package deal or no deal.
Howard wasn't that keen on me asking you in the first place.
Just use that trailer trash charm of yours.
Works on Hap.
Know what your problem is, Leonard? You're jealous.
Always have been.
Oh, baby, Hap's got a perky ass and all, but he ain't my type.
Oh, just can it, both of you.
Can't we just pretend to be friends? For now, at least? Okay, tell Leonard what you told me.
I want him to hear it from you before he makes up his mind.
Okay.
My last husband, Howard, traveled the country speaking against nuclear reactors until he got arrested.
"Damaging government property," they called it.
Howard thought it was his responsibility as a human being Spare me the politics.
It is bad for my heart.
Just the goods, pretty please.
Fine.
Howard got sentenced to two years at Leavenworth My alma mater.
All her ex-husbands go there.
And while he was in prison, he met a man named Softboy McCall.
[grunting.]
They called him the Raccoon Bandit.
Now, Softboy fancied himself a gangster.
Help! Oh, shit! But he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.
Hey, hey.
Howard Howard ends up being his cellmate.
They get close.
They get so close, he tells him about a car full of stolen money he left laying at the bottom of the Sabine River.
A million dollars.
Tells Howard if he can find it, he'll split it with him.
Let me guess the end of this here story.
He told Howard where the money is.
And no one else knows about it.
What about this Softboy? He never made it out.
Prison food didn't suit him.
[dramatic music.]
[growls.]
Hmm? [grunting.]
[all shouting.]
[alarms blaring.]
[laughing.]
The police didn't search the river for this money? They did, but Softboy left out one detail he only told Howard.
The Iron Bridge.
What bridge? When Hap and I were married, he'd talk about this old bridge in Marvel Creek.
My dad used to take me there fishin', you know, when he could get around.
A lot of stories about that bridge.
Lot of bad things happened there over the years.
Local kids say it's haunted.
So, uh, how come you and Howard ain't try to find the money on your own? Howard doesn't know the Sabine River, and he can't find the bridge.
But Hap can.
Hell, Hap can't even find a pair of shoes he had on last night, much less a bridge he ain't seen in over 20 years.
'Cept my shoes don't have a million dollars in 'em.
[chuckles.]
I need something like this.
So do you.
Now, what do you say, partner? [gravel crunching.]
What are the cops doing here? [dog barking.]
Uncle Chester.
[car door slams.]
Pine, this belongs to you.
What'd he do now? Caused a nuisance over at the pharmacy over some out-of-date coupons.
- Coupons? - Knocked over a display.
I was gonna run him in, but Mr.
Clemens wouldn't press charges.
Told me to bring him out here.
He threatened to shove this cane up my ass.
- That all? - Sideways.
- [chuckles.]
- Something funny? No, no.
Who's she? You don't recognize her? That's Miss Laborde, 1967.
Don't smart-mouth me.
I-I wasn't.
She actually is.
We'll take him home.
Thanks.
I need an answer, Hap.
Okay.
Later.
[indistinct police radio transmission.]
Get, get! Come on, shitheads.
Take me home.
[engine turns over.]
[mouths words.]
[scoffs.]
I tell you, much as you've been seeing the cops, you might as well go and get 'em a chauffeur's outfit.
Start tipping 'em.
Save your smart mouth for your boyfriend.
I used to wipe your black ass, boy.
That's a nice cane you got there, Mr.
Pine.
You trying to be funny? - Nope.
No, sir.
- Don't patronize me.
All right, Chester, just lay off.
Rag on me all you want, but leave Hap out of it.
He do me a favor.
[coughing.]
Get Get your faggot hands off me.
[coughing.]
[solemn music.]
Come on, lemme out.
Lemme out, so you and your bitch can go home and cheek stuff each other.
Come on.
Listen to me, Mr.
Pine.
Your nephew is my friend.
Now, I don't like dick any more than you do, but he does, but that's his business.
He don't need you riding him on it.
So you do that in front of me again, I'm gonna take that cane, shove it up your ass, and break it clean off.
Understood? So what's it with the two of you anyway? Him the way he is and you the way you are.
I don't get it.
You don't have to.
Now, you can get out of the truck, sir.
Sons of bitches! Lowlife niggers! What is it, Mr.
Pine? Oh, all them crack-smoking shitheads, they broke my lock again.
I ain't got shit, and they keep breaking in anyway.
Stealing my toilet paper, tuna fish.
[laughing.]
Think that's funny.
Leonard You bad now, huh? - What you gonna do - [screaming.]
[bone crunches.]
Oh! [wailing.]
[men shouting.]
Any one of y'all mess with that old man again, I'll come back and rip you so hard, your daddy ass'll bleed.
You hear me? We done? Yeah, we done.
[percussive music.]
'Bout that money Mm-hmm? When we leavin'? Soon as.
[rifle cocks.]
Hey, what about your .
22 target pistol and your Hopalong Cassidy cap gun? Ha, ha.
Maybe you could find a bazooka or a couple of land mines, some grenades.
Shit, we're just gonna dive down to find that money, not shoot at it.
You know, for a hell of a shot, you sure do hate guns.
I don't mind guns.
I mind what they used for.
Look, Trudy's your cross to bear.
We don't know this Howard from nothing.
Oh, he's a hippie idealist.
He's gonna take that money from the big bad capitalist bank and give it to a good cause.
What cause? Save the seals.
Save the whales.
I didn't ask.
I get any money out of this, the only cause I'ma give it to is me.
Seals ain't got no bills to pay.
Yeah.
How close is this Howard and Trudy, anyway? I don't know, and I don't care.
I told you just getting laid, that's all.
[scoffs.]
Boy, you keep telling yourself that.
I don't know how I let you talk me into these things.
Well, rumor has it, it's something to do with my perky ass.
Christ, perky ass? Oh, I only said that to annoy Trudy.
You being alive annoys Trudy.
Hey, good boy Good boy.
Yeah.
They gonna be okay while you're gone? Neighbor gonna look after 'em for me.
Hey, babies.
[barking.]
[laughs.]
[barking.]
What's his problem? He's protective of Leonard, especially around new people.
Turns on a dime.
That's why I named him Switch.
You think this is funny, don't you? Your dog is dangerous, Leonard.
Just a good judge of character.
[upbeat banjo music.]
[bird singing.]
[wings flutter.]
What the hell is this place? Used to belong to a biker gang; the feds busted 'em, and the bank foreclosed on the property.
[bell rings.]
Hey, Chub.
Oh, hey, Trudy.
This is Hap and Leonard.
They're with us.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I ain't giving my share to no whales.
I read "Moby Dick.
" I was rooting for Ahab.
This is Chub.
My real name's Charles.
Everybody calls me Chub, you know, 'cause I'm fat.
I didn't know Trudy had any African-American friends.
She don't.
I'm an admirer of Martin Luther King.
Never met him.
Gandhi, either.
I seen Elvis, though, once, at a Bob's Big Boy when I was a kid.
[breathily.]
Oh, I love Elvis.
Did you know that Elvis had an Oedipus complex? Chub's father had anger issues.
He used to beat on my mama and me.
Chub's been through analysis.
He's come real far.
Want to follow me? [melodic rock music.]
People run around Crazy Town Seems they have found a place to groove on Just about the time they're wound Someone comes along and says to move on Oh, my, he's a catch.
Howard, this is Hap.
Hey.
So nice to meet you.
So nice to meet you.
Trudy's told me a lot about you.
Oh.
And this is Leonard.
He's in on it too.
Wouldn't come without him.
It's like they're married or something.
Just engaged.
Still picking out china.
It's okay.
Leonard was a marine.
He's a trained diver.
Yeah, right.
So you swim, right? [scoffs.]
Like a goddamn eel.
Okay, well, welcome.
So let's head inside.
Get the team acquainted.
Come on.
"Team.
" I like that.
Maybe we'll get some T-shirts with a logo on it.
Thinking "Bozos," or "Dipshit Ex-Husbands.
" [thunk.]
I'm Paco.
[sitar music.]
The spirit of the era is still alive here, and those ideals we held are not dead, just sleeping.
Like a hibernating bear, it's time we wake it up.
Yeah, that that it's great.
That's all good, but it's been a long drive, and we thought we were here to talk business, so This this is our business.
To unite people.
We've become a nation that values nothing, except greed, consumption, turning our backs on those who need us most.
All the while lining the pockets of Wall Street.
- Right.
- Big business.
The '90s are right around the corner.
We're still ignoring social injustices like economic disparity, and where's your piece of the American pie, Leonard? - Oh, I ate mine.
- [laughs.]
Howard's right.
People are getting smothered.
Rich get richer while the poor get poorer - Get obliterated.
- Mm-hmm! I mean, just look at you two.
Well, on that note, think I'ma go have me a pipe.
Call me when you get around to the folk song part.
I'm good on "I Got a Hammer.
" I don't think your friend likes us.
Well, my friend didn't spend the '60s smoking dope and protesting.
No, he he spent 'em trying not to get his ass shot off in Vietnam.
So he knows about guns.
Like a dog knows his own ass.
[giggles.]
Hey, uh, why do I get that feeling that I-I'm being recruited? Like-minded people need to work together if there's any hope for change in this world.
Yeah, I think the world will be as it is with or without Hap Collins.
I learned that the hard way.
You can't be that jaded, Hap.
You used to dream about these kind of ideas.
We can still make a difference.
With speeches? With money, man.
There's a million dollars at the bottom of that river, and it can be a seed.
If we plant it, it'll grow, and it can be used to even the playing field between the haves and the have-nots.
Yeah, this, uh, have-not is gonna keep his money.
End of story.
You know, change is scary.
Some people, they can't do it, and they just run and hide in their little cocoon.
It's a defense mechanism.
Ow! Paco! You cut out that self-help shit, or I'll knock you down for real.
He ain't interested.
Let him find the bridge, and leave it at that.
Well, I got to say, I am disappointed, Hap.
Now, Trudy led me to believe you'd be different.
Yeah, well Trudy doesn't know me as well as she used to, so Look, it's been a long day, and I think us kids should, uh, call it a night.
What kids? We're all adults here.
Really? Have you listened to yourself recently? 'Cause you sound like a college freshman who's said good-bye to his mom and dad and found dope and liberal politics for the first time.
Well, I can't help but think there's more to this, Hap.
Now, maybe it has something to do with your feelings for Trudy.
Making you lose sight of the bigger picture.
Hey, uh, how's this for a bigger picture? - Whoa, hey.
Whoa, hey.
- Howard, don't.
You can't argue with him when he's like this.
She's right; I'd be willing to place a small wager on the fact that she's not telling you everything.
But, I mean, she told me that you two made love last night, if that's what you mean.
[laughs.]
Oh, God.
Oh, God, no.
We don't play possessive games here, man.
I mean, it's just sex, right? It doesn't mean anything.
- Maybe it don't to you.
- No, hey, look.
Trudy doesn't belong to me, and she doesn't belong to you, all right? She's her own woman, and we're all friends here.
Yeah.
Ah! We didn't come here to make friends, friend.
Hap, let him go.
It's over.
Howard, is it over? Yeah.
Yeah, man, it's over.
Good.
Good.
Good night.
So, uh so that's your Howard, huh? What happened to you? Life.
And you.
That didn't help.
I'll tell you, boy, I let you talk me into some dumb shit, but this right here take the dumb shit cake.
Hmm.
These people a bunch a cotton-pickin' clowns.
Maybe you're right, but at least they're trying.
Well, if the '60s had never happened, you might still be drinking out of a water fountain marked "colored.
" You sound like the fat one.
Where you going? Take a ride.
I need some air.
[gentle acoustic music.]
[engine revs.]
[engine stops.]
[insects chirping.]
[horn blaring.]
[thunder crashes.]
[1950s love ballad playing.]
[chuckles.]
That nigger's wetter than a well digger's ass.
[chuckles.]
Damn it.
[thunder crashes.]
[brakes squeal.]
[rain rushing.]
All right, nigger's got a kid in the car.
You stay here, Hap.
Hold down the wagon train.
Stay put, you hear? [thunder rumbling.]
[thumping percussive music.]
[indistinct police radio transmission.]
[yawns.]
[knocking.]
Hey there, fella.
Know you got a taillight out.
Hey there, officer.
Yeah, I saw you pass a ways back, and I, uh Hmm, okay.
Yeah, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to write you up for it.
You got to do what you got to do.
Are you high, son? High on life.
[pounding, moaning.]
What's that? What's what? I'm gonna need you to step out of the car, son.
Come on.
Now, keep your hands where I can see 'em.
Yes, sir.
- I need you to open this trunk.
- Uh-huh.
- This one? - Yeah, this is the one.
All right.
Come on.
Do it.
Do it slowly.
The hell are you smilin' about? Disco.
What-co? Disco ball.
Whump-whump.
Whump-whump.
What the shit? - Oh! - [shrieks.]
That's my girl.
Now I'm looking for a man named Paco.
[grunting and sputtering.]
[dramatic percussive music.]