Here and Now (2018) s01e01 Episode Script
Eleven Eleven
1 (INDISTINCT DIALOG) (INDISTINCT DIALOG) (DISTORTED PERSIAN POP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO) (DISTORTED LAUGH) (SPEAKING FARSI, DISTORTED) (DISTORTED LAUGH) (WOMAN GASPS) Ramon.
(SPEAKS FARSI) (METALLIC SCREECH) - (SCREAMING) - (SPEAKS FARSI) (SCREAMING) - (SCREAMING CONTINUES) - (INDISTINCT DIALOG) (DISTANT HORNS HONK, SIREN WAILS) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) My home Is a girl who can't wait for time to tell God only knows We don't need history When your family Swinging from the branches of a tree God only knows We don't need ghost stories Ooh, la, la, la, la, la Let's live in the moment Come back Sunday morning A lie, oh well, When you're (MUSIC CONTINUES ON RADIO) She looked like she was in some old Mexican movie, but she wasn't speaking Spanish.
(SIGHS) I don't know what language it was, - but she says my name - Uh-huh.
and then she just rips her fucking face open.
Wow.
Wow, you're way deeper than I am.
I just dream I'm at work with no pants on.
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES) - Do you have a boner? - In the dream or right now? - Either.
- No, sadly.
- You're a tease.
You're a tease.
- (LAUGHS) You wouldn't know what to do with me if you had me.
You're probably right.
You give up to easy.
You give up to easy.
(LAUGHS) - (SOUNDS FADE) - (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) (HIGH-PITCHED WHINING) - That was weird.
- What? That was really weird.
I just felt like something grabbed my head and turned me, so that I would look at that clock, - like it wanted me to see that clock.
- (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) What wanted you to? - I don't know.
- A lie, oh well Wait.
11:11, doesn't that mean something? Uh, yeah.
I mean, it sounds like it should, right, because of 9/11, 7-Eleven.
- Yeah.
- (PHONE BUZZING) - (LAUGHS) - My pants are vibrating.
Now who's the tease? Hmm? - Hey, Mom.
- AUDREY (ON PHONE): Sweetie.
I need you to do me a big favor today.
- Mom, put him on speaker.
- I I don't, uh It's this new phone.
I I have to You don't know how to connect to Bluetooth.
Okay, this is why millennials are so angry.
You're not a millennial.
They haven't even named your generation yet Hello? although I have a couple of suggestions.
What, "stupid cunts"? (LAUGHS) - RAMON: Hello? - Ramon, Ramon, on your way over tonight, I need you to stop by the dry cleaners and pick up Dad's gray silk blazer I want him to wear.
Mom, seriously? Please don't make me bring up who pays your rent.
Mom, can you at least put him on speaker? KRISTEN (ON PHONE): You're about to get a ticket! You want me to bike four and a half miles with the dry cleaning? (LAUGHS) Of course not.
Take an Uber, use my account.
- Okay.
Ram? - RAMON: Yeah.
Can you come like half an hour early? I need to talk to you about something.
It's really important.
Why can't you talk about it in front of me? Uh, because I am my own person who's not you with my own boundaries and everything.
We actually exist.
Can you do it? Please say yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will.
I will.
- Ah! Okay.
I love you.
Bye.
- Oh, oh, oh! - What if I wasn't done with him? - You were.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Where were we? Oh, we were flirting like we've been doing every day since I started working here.
- Right.
- Right.
Um, what are you doing tonight? I get off at 5:00.
My mom is actually throwing a birthday party for my dad, and I have to be there.
Can I come? That would be weird.
Why? Mm-hmm.
MAN (OVER PA): Brian, customer needs assistance with the piñatas.
KRISTEN: Ta-dah! You're going to make us eat with wooden forks? Bamboo is sustainable.
The world is bigger than us.
KRISTEN (SIGHING): Oh yeah, we've fucked that beyond repair.
It is too late to stop climate change.
That ship has sailed.
- Thank you for that, by the way.
- Sweetie, remember, - thoughts create reality.
- (LAUGHS) KRISTEN: Mom, we should all wear horse heads tonight, like the entire family, but then act like it's totally normal.
If anyone asks us, just be like, "What? - What horse heads?" - (LAUGHS) - Are you high? - (SIGHS) Sweetie.
Mom, you should be glad that I smoke pot, because if I didn't, I would be bipolar, and I'm not kidding about that.
Sweetie, your brain is hardly even formed yet.
Did you smoke pot when you were my age? Ah (SIGHS) I also did LSD, which can actually trigger psychosis in rare cases.
Does that mean you should do it? Maybe.
You know how much I regret smoking pot.
I'm sure it's the reason for my compromised attention skills.
Mom, you do not have ADD.
- Let's leave any diagnosis to me, okay? - Fine.
I'm the professional.
You just try to do more than one human could possibly do, so of course you're overwhelmed.
But it's not a condition.
Not everything is a condition.
It's too late for any of it.
(SIGHS) It's too late for me to have children.
I mean, I know I could adopt, but it's too late spiritually.
(SNIFFLES) It's too late for me to leave Carl, even if I knew that's what I wanted to do, because it's much too late for me to meet a man I might actually be compatible with.
Because even if such a man did exist, he's married and old, and probably dead.
But, Lydia, you're alive.
And is this how you want to live? Mourning imaginary lives you'll never have? No.
Can you change the past? (SIGHS) No.
Does the past exist? Here, now? - No? - What exists? Right now? - Precisely.
- Um - Right now.
- Okay, I'm thinking.
No, right now, that's what exists.
Right now is all that ever exists.
Well, my old therapist told me that - grieving was important.
- Yeah? When did she tell you this? Well, I quit seeing her about three years ago.
And how has three years of grieving worked out for you? (CRYING) Oh my God.
Those three years I could've been doing Those three years are never coming back, Lydia.
Never.
No matter how much you cry.
What exists? Right now.
Right now.
(CHUCKLES) (KISSES) So, until next week BOTH: See it, want it, have it.
Good.
Oh.
- (CHUCKLES) - (SIGHS) Ready, Brandon? I'm on time this week.
I appreciate that.
When it becomes the norm, that's when it'll be an accomplishment.
(WHISPERS) Great.
ASHLEY: What do you notice about this picture? WOMAN: Um Men do not like to look other men they don't know in the eye, so on male models, everything above the mouth is cropped out.
It's so the male consumer doesn't feel challenged.
- Okay.
- Now, how much time did it take you to decide to put this hat on Randy? I bet you went through a lot of options.
I understand you were in the accessories vault for half an hour.
- I'm a good stylist.
- ASHLEY: You have potential, but you are slow, and you waste time like with this hat thing today.
Well, if they're not supposed to wear the hats, why are there so many of them in the accessories vault? Because we sell them.
But hats, gloves, belts, socks are shot off-figure, not on models.
Have you seen the web site? (CRYING) Yes.
Okay, go back to work.
(SOBBING) You just destroyed that poor girl.
If that's all it takes, I'm sorry, she needs to be destroyed.
She'll probably end up giving blow jobs for meth money trying to erase the pain of this day.
(LAUGHS) Let me know if she does anything else stupid, and help motivate her to be faster if you can.
I'm sure you can.
- (LAUGHS) - (CELL PHONE RINGS) Oh.
Duc.
Hey, want to go out for drinks before Dad's thing tonight? Oh God, yes, let's get fucked up.
Cooper's Hall, 5:30? You're on.
RANDY: I have blow.
(BELL RINGING) (SIGHS) (GAME CHIMING, BLOOPING) - Michael.
- Doc Boatwright.
Recognize this? I always wanted a first edition, and I finally found one on Bonanza.
Look at that.
- Hmm.
- Will you sign it for me? Of course.
You're, uh, well, my biggest inspiration, which you already know.
The way you marry Epicureanism with presentism, and then reboot them both into something so deeply, deeply moral (HUMPHS) As if morality matters.
(SIGHS) Fuck those idiots who called it an ethical defense of hedonism, which wow it boggles my mind anyone would ever interpret it that way.
You are a rock star.
(CHUCKLES) I'll let you get back You know, it's my birthday today.
I'm 60.
No way.
There's a party later.
You you got plans? (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) - (BEEPS) - (MUSIC FADES) (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) (MUFFLED THUDS) - (BEEPS) - (TECHNO MUSIC CONTINUES) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (KEYBOARD CLACKING) My girl AUDREY: Kristen, come down here and help me! If you're lucky one day Rolling down the ancient high street You'll find in the mirror I would certainly fuck me.
AUDREY: Kristen, now! - Gonna make you - (MUSIC STOPS) (AUDREY SPEAKS SPANISH, CLAPS HANDS) - (MAN CLEARS THROAT) - (STIFLES LAUGH) MAN: I didn't understand a word.
Are you making them leave because you don't want people to know the party's catered? No, I just think it'll be a warmer, more intimate party without strangers in vests wandering around with canapés.
You sure it's not because you want people to think you did this all yourself? You want to tell me what this ongoing hostility toward me is about? (SCOFFS) Look, what did you need me for? It's biologically determined, you know, this instinct to reject your family of origin.
Dear God, do you ever stop talking? What the fuck is wrong with you? Okay, Mom, I really think that you should consider the benefits of medical marijuana.
I don't need a crutch, Kristen.
And unlike everyone else alive, I don't want one.
(SNAPS FINGERS) Put one of these in each bathroom but do not light them yet.
(WHISPERS) Okay.
Patchouli and frankincense organic soy candle.
Ugh! Flashback to that awful Red Moon party you threw for me when I first got my period.
I can't believe you still haven't forgiven me for that.
I will never forgive you for that.
That party wasn't even for me.
It was just so you and your old hippie friends could get drunk in the hot tub and grab each others' tits.
Well, at least somebody was having fun that night.
- (MAN AND WOMAN GRUNTING) - (BED SQUEAKING) - (MUFFLED TV PLAYING NEXT DOOR) - (DISTANT SIREN WAILING) Oh! Happy birthday.
You remembered.
I got you a present.
Is that a Is that a cock ring? (CHUCKLES) It's a cock sling.
You put your cock and balls through here, and this part pushes up against your taint.
Ah.
- Thank you.
That's a very thoughtful gift for an old fucker like me.
Oh please.
You're better than my 20-year-old clients.
You have 20-year-old clients? I once had a client who was 14.
His dad was Russian mafia, I think, and he bought me for his kid's 14th birthday.
That kid was hung like a giraffe, and he had no idea what to do with it.
Unlike you.
I really gotta go.
Arigatou.
Arigatou.
Same time next week? Whenever you want, Simon.
MAN (ON RADIO): environmental cap-and-trade bill is making its way through the Oregon legislature.
There are several different groups (SOBBING) supporting the bill, and our current guest (BROADCAST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ASHLEY: Our brother, Baby Jesus, is from Colombia.
(RANDY LAUGHS) Your brother is not named Baby Jesus.
Well, we always called him that because our parents thought he was perfect.
Still do.
Yeah, she never had to teach him how to speak English.
Or learn how to deal with his fucking hair.
Although, what's going on with his hair? It's fucking Uh-uh.
(GIGGLES) He just He passed for white, - right, since day one.
- Well, he is white.
- White white.
- Yeah.
- WASP white, like Mom and Dad.
- Mmm.
It just made things so much easier for them.
And they just relaxed.
- ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.
- They became different people.
Yeah, he never had to wear Colombian flag T-shirts or serve Colombian food at his birthday parties.
He never had to do anything he didn't want to do.
Uh-uh.
But we're not bitter.
- (LAUGHS) No.
- Yeah, but it must be cool, having siblings from these exotic places.
(CLEARS THROAT) It could've been, if we weren't so aware of being advertisements for how progressive and evolved our parents were.
Mm.
How evolved she was.
He never cared as much.
He didn't.
- So, Vietnam - DUC: Mm-hmm.
and Lie Lib Libya? Libya.
Liberia and Colombia.
All places America totally fucked.
We also have a little sister who's their biological child.
- She is painfully white, like you.
- (LAUGHS) - Now, where are you from? - Wichita.
- Hmm.
- First one in my family to ever leave Kansas.
Well, you've probably added 15 years to your life by doing that.
- (CLATTERS) - What? Oh.
Nothing against Kansas, but We're meant to move, explore.
Being stuck in one place too long is not healthy.
Then why are you both still in Portland? - Well, I travel - He travels.
- a lot - A lot.
And I've built up a large practice of people whom I believe I'm genuinely helping.
- (ASHLEY LAUGHS) - DUC: I'm not going to abandon them.
But Ashley's just scared.
- ASHLEY: Oh God.
- Ooh! Where would I go? Hmm? LA? I've shot there.
I hated it.
New York, Chicago I can't do the winters.
- Where else is there? - Paris, London.
Oh Fuck you.
God.
Like that's so easy? Okay, well, don't be an angry black woman, Speedo.
- (GUFFAWS) - Don't be a Ching Chong Viet Cong, Duc.
Oh! You're sassy.
- Oh, you're a inscrutable.
- I bet you're good at sports.
I bet you're so motherfucking - good at math.
- (PHONE RINGING) - (LAUGHING) - Asshole.
- (WHISPERS) Shit.
- (SIGHS) I have to take this.
I'm sorry.
That was great.
Hey, why are you here? Uh I have I have blow.
(PHONE RINGS) Hey.
Hey, honey, I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm just so jammed.
I got a full rec that I haven't even started shooting yet and that fucking idiot temp stylist that I've been bitching to you about - put us hours behind.
It's just - MALCOLM (ON PHONE): Oh.
Okay.
No worries.
When we get home, I'll just put her down before we leave for your dad's thing, so she can stay up late for the party.
She'll have a lot more fun that way.
Yeah.
You're such a good dad.
Um, so you're okay with meeting me at my folks'? Oh.
Oh, Mommy's gonna be that late.
Well yes.
Mommy will make it up to you.
I promise.
Try not to stress out.
All right.
I love you.
(GIGGLES) - Hey.
- So you're picking up models now? What are you thinking? - I'm not gonna fuck him.
- Does he know that? (SCOFFS) - Wow.
- Is your marriage in trouble? No.
No.
This has nothing to do with Malcolm.
- Then what does it have to do with? - I don't know.
I just want a vacation sometimes.
I just want a break.
That's all.
God.
It's nothing.
It's really nothing.
Look, you've got a great relationship, Ash.
Don't sabotage You don't know anything about relationships, Duc, because being in one includes having sex.
Wow.
Oh my God.
All right.
That was mean.
I'm - I'm a fucking bitch, okay? I'm sorry.
- No.
No, you're right.
(SIGHS) Look, I know why you why you avoid being with someone, and I I I respect your choice, even if I don't agree with it, and I just need the same thing from you.
Deal.
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT) - He's got blow.
- I know.
Mm-hmm.
(GIGGLES) - It's like we're back in high school.
- Yeah.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - Yo.
- Yo.
How are you? - Hi.
- (SCOFFS) This your bike? Put it in my truck.
Yup.
I actually have a favor to ask you.
- Already? - (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
That's not a good start.
What? You know the dry cleaner on Division Street? (WHISPERS) (GUYS LAUGH) That'll be 11.
11.
You gotta be kidding me.
(SCOFFS) It's 15 for the blazer, and then your account has a 3.
89 credit for hanger recycling.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - (CHANGE CLINKS) - 11.
11.
RAMON: "Individuals who are continually contacted "by the number 11:11 usually have some positive mission to accomplish, "a mission that remains a mystery until genetically programmed sequences are activated within the DNA.
" Wait.
Are you Are you the next step in human evolution? 'Cause I'd want to know that.
Well, did you know that string theory needs 11 dimensions or else it doesn't work? Where am I going, by the way? Oh, um my parents live in Laurelhurst.
Okay.
And where do you live? Come on.
Come on.
I gotta take a shower anyway.
We'll be in a really good mood for your dad's thing.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Calm down - I won't come back down - (HENRY GRUNTING) I'm too burnt out Again And I know I've done this before I'll just fall out Again Maybe this is the positive mission that I'm supposed to accomplish.
I'm wasting all my time You're doing an excellent job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Excellent.
(BOTH MOAN) - (MUSIC CONTINUES ON COMPUTER) - I push it all away (KRISTEN CHUCKLES) I'm wasting all my time - (LAUGHS) - Wash it all away (DOORBELL CHIMES) (GASPS) Well, hello! What is the best and smartest little girl in the world doing on my front porch? Oh! You sweet thing.
Gigi is just going to eat you up.
(WHISPERS) Eat you up.
Eat you up.
- I thought I'd come a little early, - (LAUGHS) see if there's anything I can do to help.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, there are always things you can do, Malcolm.
Where's Ashley? She got held up at work.
(SNORTS) They named me Subeedo, this African name that nobody even knows what it means.
- Sounds like "Speedo.
" - Exactly.
They called me "scrote tote" - in middle school.
- (LAUGHING) ASHLEY: Yeah, so on my 18th birthday, I had it legally changed to the whitest name I could think of.
(LAUGHS) One picture day - she dressed me in kente cloth - Oh yeah.
and put this Erykah Badu - thing on my head.
- (DUC LAUGHS) - It was so fucking humiliating.
- (ALL LAUGH) - Now, I got the áo dà i - ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.
which is basically a dress, so let's take one of the only Asian kids in school and send him to picture day in a dress that makes him look like the hostess at an Asian fusion restaurant.
(LAUGHING) Oh shit.
It's really late.
We gotta get going.
You're not gonna wreck my car, are you? - I love my car.
- Oh, of course I won't.
(LAUGHS) ASHLEY: Got Listerine if anybody wants some.
DUC: Uh-huh.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) (SIGHS) Ramon is still not here with your jacket.
I'll wear the black cashmere one.
AUDREY: Oh, honey, no.
It's really unflattering.
And you're so handsome in the gray.
So, I'm gonna make a toast to you 30-plus years together, the kids, blah, blah, blah and then you'll make your speech.
Uh, sweetheart, do we have to? I'm not really up to this speech shit.
Greg, you're turning 60.
It's a milestone.
It needs to be marked.
It needs ritual.
(TOILET FLUSHES) (GROANS) What are you doing on the floor? Uh, I dropped the shampoo.
Well, I hope you're not using my shampoo.
That stuff is 22 bucks a bottle.
It's from Denmark.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Fuck Denmark.
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING) - (BREATHES DEEPLY) Just so you know, I've never brought a guy home before, even though my mom has been dying for me to ever since I came out.
So I'm gonna be kind of a big deal, huh? Sorry.
I'm gonna make a surprise proposal in front of everyone.
- Don't do that.
- Okay.
I seriously gotta pee.
"'One day, I'm gonna fly off this island and go see the world.
' The other turtles" - Hey, who's that? - Uncle Ramon.
MALCOLM: Oh yeah! Go get him! Oh, come here, come here, come here.
Ah! I'm so excited you're here.
- (KISSES) - (HAILEY GIGGLES) You're her favorite.
You know that, right? Yeah, well, she is my favorite, so it all works out.
- (CHUCKLES) - Hailey, look, this is my friend, Henry.
- Hi.
La, la, la, la, la - Hi.
- This is my brother-in-law, Malcolm.
- Hey.
- Pleasure to meet you, Henry.
- Yes, likewise.
(LAUGHING) Um, where's the bathroom? RAMON: Tickles.
Oh, end of the hall.
- Are you sure you're not ticklish? - Follow the smell of patchouli.
- (RAMON CHUCKLES) Okay.
- (HAILEY LAUGHS) He's cute, man.
Yeah, I barely know him.
You're gonna want to enjoy that while it lasts.
Ramon! Where have you been? You need to come with me right now.
All right, let's go.
You promised me you would be early.
I know, something came up.
(SIGHS) (SIGHS) (EXHALES) KRISTEN: He says he's a serial killer.
(LAUGHS) You need to block this guy.
What? Come on! What real serial killer would advertise it on Facebook? Okay, I'm never gonna meet him.
If I wanted to actually hook up, I would go on Tinder, which I don't.
Okay, do you really think I want to see his face when the hideous beast that's me shows up instead of hot Angela Milton? Kristen, you are so not hideous.
Says the beautiful Colombian boy.
I've made my peace being the boring white chick in the family.
- (CHUCKLES) - Wait.
Did I tell you I'm getting my DNA analyzed.
Why? 'Cause maybe there's a tiny percentage of something interesting in there.
Kristen, seriously, you have to be careful with this Facebook stuff.
There are real psychos out there.
I actually hooked up with one once.
Wait.
How often do you hook up? How often do you? I'm 17, dumbass.
Like never.
Yet.
Don't judge me.
I'm not waiting for the perfect you know, whatever.
I just haven't found anyone particularly interested.
(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Interesting.
Uh-oh, Freudian slip.
You are unusually forthcoming tonight.
I'm high.
I'm always high.
Is that like a plea for help? Dear God, no, I love it.
Ooh, wait.
Check out this new vaporizer.
RAMON: Let's see.
(GRUNTS) (SIGHS) I got you this.
(LAUGHS) Oh my Right.
Sorry.
Thank you.
(LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Okay, suck it up, boys.
No one can see how inebriated we are.
Okay? No one.
Randy, you are Duc's friend.
You and I just met.
I picked you guys up - on my way over.
- Why? Because she doesn't want her husband to know she's bringing a hot boy to the party.
Duc, you're not gonna tell Malcolm anything, okay? Of course not, you're my sister.
He's just your incredibly nice husband who happens to be my best friend, which is not awkward for me at all.
- You're married? - Yeah.
Actually, that makes total sense.
What the fuck does that mean? You're beautiful, smart, and fucking hot.
- Of course you're married.
- ASHLEY: Aw.
You're very sweet, Randy or you're a complete douchebag.
DUC: Can you not call her "hot"? - RANDY: It's a fact.
- (DUC SIGHS) - (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (ASHLEY SIGHS) (LIVELY CHATTERING) - Hey, baby! Hi! - Mom! Don't you look nice? Look at you.
Aw, Daddy did a great job dressing you.
Somebody was a little more interested in picking out her outfit - than taking a nap - Oh.
(LAUGHS) so I don't know how long she's gonna last.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Uh-huh.
It's no problem.
- You smell like Listerine.
- Mmm.
- Yup, Listerine.
Let me check again.
- (LAUGHS) Wow.
It's like a golden retriever turned into a dude.
Right? I think she married him to piss our mom off.
He was a Republican you know, before Trump.
- Yeah.
- But she hit the jackpot.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I spend my Saturday nights alone Nothin' to do, just sit at home Do I know you? Um, no, I don't think so.
Hi, I'm Henry.
I made it explicitly clear there were to be no catering servers Ah.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHS) No, no, I'm I'm with Ramon.
As his date? - Uh, yeah.
- Really? - Sure.
Yeah.
- I'm Ramon's mom, - Audrey.
- Oh.
Audrey.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) I'm sorry.
Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you.
- Oh my God, a pleasure.
- (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) The pleasure is mine.
- Come.
- Okay.
I want to learn everything about you.
Okay.
22, 23, 24, 25 - How high can you count? - A hundred.
(GASPS) I need to take a picture of you 'cause you just counted to a hundred.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Get ready.
(LAUGHS) ASHLEY: We are smart ladies.
Dude.
I don't think she's gonna fuck me tonight.
Dude, that's my sister.
Shut your fucking mouth.
I mean, why'd she even bring me, huh? (SCOFFS) She just likes to play with fire.
Ashley likes to play near fire, without ever getting close enough to actually get burned.
I mean, I get it.
Her husband's very fuckable.
(SIGHS) Oh well.
Summer, the date and the beach Everyone here's pretty old.
It's a 60th birthday party.
Are there any caterers here at least? So, tell me about this psycho you hooked up with.
It was so fucking creepy.
He made this face during sex that literally was like the face of madness.
That's it? He just made a weird face? You seem disappointed that he didn't murder or dismember me.
- (LAUGHS) - It was really upsetting.
I kind of just put the brakes on hooking up after that.
Wait.
When was the last time you hooked up? - A couple hours ago.
- (LAUGHS) What? Oh, slut.
What did you hook up on? Grindr? - Uh-uh.
- Growlr.
- No.
- Bristlr? - Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
- Scruff.
- I met him in real life.
- Oh, what? That is weird.
His name's Henry.
- Oh shit! - What? - He's here tonight.
- (LAUGHS) No.
Yeah, he kind of invited himself, and I just never said no.
- Oh, so the sex was good.
- Yeah.
Well, fuck.
Introduce me to him.
All right, just don't be weird.
I don't want to scare him off.
Please.
When am I ever weird? Wait.
Have I ever told you about how much I just love gay porn? Yeah, only a gazillion times.
- Hey, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash.
- What? Can Sorry.
Can I get in on your gift to Dad, please? Ram Come on, how much is half? - Two hundred dollars.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- I I can do 50.
No.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Stop it.
Okay, but thank you.
ASHLEY: Dad.
Happy birthday.
Let the stories be told Wow.
- These are beautiful.
- They're great.
They were custom-made for you in Italy.
Ashley, thank you.
Welcome.
- And Ramon.
- And Ramon.
Thanks, buddy.
Happy birthday, Dad.
KRISTEN: Dad.
Yeah, I'm still making your gift.
I can't wait to see what it is.
Let the good times roll - Oh fuck.
- Let the good times roll Let the good times roll He's talking to Mom.
(LAUGHS) KRISTEN: Oh yeah, Ram, he is uber hot.
I better go rescue him before she unhinges her jaw - and swallows him whole.
- Okay.
I used to be a therapist.
Not a lot escapes me.
- Hey.
So you guys met each other.
- (HENRY LAUGHS) We did.
Sweetie.
- Yeah? - I want you to know, you have my full, unconditional blessing.
Well, of course I do, Mom.
Not that I need it.
(WHISPERS) This one's a keeper.
(WHISPERS) This one? There's something very special about this.
Yeah, yeah, we put our dicks in each other.
- (SNICKERS) - Was that really necessary? Mom, we're gay.
We're not special.
That's a little bit condescending and weird.
Well, would you prefer a mother who disowned you? Or sat Shiva for you? Sometimes.
Yeah.
Well, I'm truly sorry, Henry, that Ramon feels the need to denigrate me in front of you.
(CHUCKLES) You must be pretty important to him.
Excuse me.
(SIGHS) GREG: A gym membership? It's not just a gym, Dad.
It's a platinum membership to Quantum Fitness.
You can use any part of the entire club, 24-7.
You know I'm 60, right? (CHUCKLES) You can start with some basic yoga.
- (LAUGHS) - We could go together.
You could use it.
You're pretty stiff.
Well, stiff is a good thing at my age.
MICHAEL: Doc Boatwright! Michael! Thank you, son.
Welcome.
- Hey.
- Welcome, welcome.
- Oh.
Oh, sure.
- Come here.
MICHAEL: Um, you remember my girlfriend, Emma.
- EMMA: Hi.
Happy birthday.
- GREG: Of course.
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (MUFFLED BREATHING) Mmm.
You can stop And hear the children cry (PIANO STRIKES NOTE) KRISTEN: Hey.
Hey.
Or perhaps I should say "Neigh!" (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) - Great party, Mom.
- Is it? Aren't you even remotely interested why I might say that? Remotely.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Mom, if you want to tell me how you're feeling, tell me.
I'd love to hear, but it's not my job to dig it out of you.
Oh, is that how you "motivate" people's "architecture"? Passive-aggressively? Yes, and that was neither passive nor aggressive.
- Celibately? - Well, that was aggressive.
(SCOFFS) Women need men like you.
You should be making love constantly, bringing that empathy into being.
You could be a conduit for healing the world.
- Through fucking? - Eh.
(LAUGHS) (GREG SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) - AUDREY: Look at your father.
- (GROUP LAUGHS) So hungry for approval.
He wasn't always like that.
He always had the approval, so he never had to work for it.
(SIGHS) He's been depressed for a couple of years now.
Any particular reason? No, I'm waiting for him to tell me.
It's not my job to dig it out of him.
(LAUGHS) I look at him, and I love him so much, it literally hurts.
I'm serious, like it might injure me.
And in the same moment, I wanna smack him repeatedly in the face with big, wet fish.
Who's that kid talking to Dad? Hmm.
His TA, Michael something.
- (LAUGHS) - DUC: Oh, yeah? Your father loves his acolytes.
GREG: my ass.
(LAUGHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (RANDY CHUCKLES) Round and round and up and down we go, baby Hmm.
(MUFFLED BREATHING) - (CANDLES SIZZLING) - (LAUGHTER) Ah, I love that.
That's so good.
I'm gonna steal that.
- (LAUGHS) - Okay.
Well, I stole it.
- Mind if I grab him for a bit? - Oh.
- How are you doing? - I'm great.
I'm drunk.
Oh, honey.
Only seltzer then, the rest of the party.
Here's your blazer.
- No.
I'm I'm good.
- For your speech.
Oh.
If you wanna look nice.
I'm good.
Um, you you should probably know, I'm a virgin.
(SCOFFS) We can use my shirt.
(GRUNTS) (BELT BUCKLE CLINKS) Can I have everyone's attention? - Attention, please! - Aw.
We're here to celebrate the birth of my dear husband, Greg, who I met at Berkeley many centuries ago.
(LAUGHTER) Aw! (LAUGHTER) June 12th, 1982.
- The March for Disarmament.
- WOMAN: Wow.
Still one of the largest protest marches in New York City history.
But I remember it as the day he proposed.
PEOPLE: Aw.
I had never met a boy who was so comfortable around me.
Some people say I can be a handful.
- What? - (LAUGHTER) But Greg wasn't intimidated.
He got me.
In fact he celebrated me.
WOMAN: Oh, that's so sweet.
And he's done so every day of mine and our four children's lives, (CRIES) and we love him for it (LAUGHTER) as I'm sure you all do.
- (PEOPLE AGREEING) - Greg? WOMAN: We love you both.
My darling.
The love of my life.
Wouldn't you like to say a few words? - MAN: Yeah! - MAN 2: Come on, get up there, Greg.
- Mm-mm.
- MAN: Let's hear it.
- (APPLAUSE) - WOMAN 2: Come on, Greg! MAN: Greg! All right, Greg! Yeah! (WHISPERS) Thanks, honey.
(WHISPERS) Please don't say anything depressing.
WOMAN 3: Audrey, you dropped your bracelet.
AUDREY: Oh, thank you.
(GREG SIGHS) Well I don't think anyone (CLEARS THROAT) I don't think anyone's life turns out the way they thought it would.
- (PEOPLE CHUCKLE) - WOMAN: That's for sure.
Things we didn't even know existed (WHISPERS) What's with the all black? Is he Johnny Cash? - He's struggling for autonomy.
- Oh.
GREG: While things we considered fundamental But the gray silk, he looks so good in that.
He doesn't want to look good.
He wants to have his way.
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm still a teenager - (PEOPLE CHUCKLE) - like age is just an illusion and I'm gonna feel this way forever.
But other times, I feel like there's a pair of invisible hands wrapped around my heart squeezing it so tight that I think I'm I think it's gonna stop beating.
I almost wish it would.
But it doesn't.
(MAN CLEARS THROAT) It just keeps beating and I just keep going.
I'm a philosopher whatever that means.
(LAUGHTER) I spent most of my life trying to figure out what life is all about.
And here I am, 60 years old 60, and I have no fucking idea.
(LAUGHTER) RANDY: Let me know if you - need me to stop or slow down.
- (KRISTEN PANTING) KRISTEN: Okay, I will.
GREG: When I was young, I thought the purpose of life was to seek enlightenment, to use our minds, to try to imagine a better future Just breathe.
Okay.
GREG: bring light into the darkness (KRISTEN GASPS) GREG: to reject fear and despair and cynicism (BOTH BREATHING HARD) GREG: to honor intelligence and reason to choose love.
(BREATHES HARD) (LAUGHS) Love? I feel embarrassed even articulating that, because (SIGHS DEEPLY) I look at the world not even the world here, now and all I see is ignorance, hatred, terror, and rage.
We lost, folks.
We lost.
I look back on my partnership with this amazing woman and this great experiment that is our family and I wonder, I really do wonder "Did any of it make any difference?" 'Cause from where I'm standing - (METALLIC SCREECHING) - (SHOUTS) What the fuck? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) What the fuck is that? - (NOISE STOPS) - (BREATHING HARD) What the fuck is what? - (SCREECHING CONTINUES) - (CANDLES FLICKERING) - (NOISE STOPS) - Hey.
Hey.
What's happening? (RAMON BREATHING SHAKILY) HENRY: Ramon? (SCREECHING CONTINUES) (FLAMES ROARING) - (NOISE STOPS) - (PEOPLE MURMURING) - What the fuck? - (SCREECHING, ROARING CONTINUES) It's fucking 11:11! (NOISE STOPS) AUDREY: Ramon.
Did you take anything tonight? Who gave it to you? - No.
- Was it Henry? Hey, hey.
I got you.
I got you.
(SCREECHING, ROARING CONTINUES) (NOISE FADES) (PEOPLE MURMURING) What's going on with him? He's hallucinating.
I was hallucinating? It's okay.
Wait.
Nobody saw what happened with the fire? It's okay.
- What it did? - (DOOR OPENS) - It's okay.
- (DOOR CLOSES) HENRY: It's all right.
What's wrong with Ramon? AUDREY: He doesn't have a fever.
We did a whole blood battery, nothing was abnormal, so no liver or kidney failure.
No migraines.
He's way too young for dementia.
He sleeps over eight hours a night, so no narcolepsy.
Full MRI revealed nothing, so no tumor that might cause hallucinations.
FARID: Mrs.
Boatwright.
It's Bayer, like the aspirin.
Ms.
Bayer.
Ms.
Bayer hallucinations can be symptomatic of many different conditions besides Well, of course I know that.
I was a therapist for almost 20 years before I founded the Empathy Initiative.
It wasn't a hallucination.
I saw 11:11 on the clock.
I mean, a friend of mine can corroborate.
He was there.
A friend you've only known for a matter of days.
Mom, seriously? - (RAMON SCOFFS) - Is it possible, Ramon, that seeing or hearing that number could've planted the idea in your subconscious? That's what I've been saying.
No, these numbers mean something, Dad.
AUDREY: Sweetie, I know it's scary, and you wanna find some sense of meaning in what happened, - but try not to be too - Schizophrenic? (RAMON SCOFFS) - I know that's what you're thinking.
- (SIGHS) You're thinking I'm just like Uncle Ike.
This is why I thought it would be better if if your father and I spoke to the doctor alone at first.
(AUDREY SIGHS) You should probably know my older brother is schizophrenic.
But But Ramon is not our biological child.
AUDREY: I'm aware of that.
I'm not saying it's genetic.
I'm saying I know what it looks like.
I've seen it start.
He was just high, and he imagined something.
Remember when he was little and he thought shadows were always following him? Shadows were following me, Dad.
And you've been high and seen things.
I was with you, Audrey, when you thought you were in an Aztec pyramid being prepared for sacrifice.
I wasn't high.
I was tripping.
GREG: And and when we first met, you were terrified that you would still turn out to be schizophrenic.
What is your point? My point is, you weren't! You-you you have so much fear about this, that you almost are creating Leave your fucking philosophy in the classroom, okay? Of course I'm terrified.
Ike was Ramon's age when he had his first psychotic episode.
Until we gather more conclusive information, I need everyone in the room to stop using diagnostic terms like psychosis and schizophrenia.
Can we all agree on that? RAMON: Mm-hmm.
These words are used much more than they should be and can be very confusing, especially to the patient.
Thank you.
She's been sending him links to web sites.
She's fucking scared shitless.
I want him to be educated.
I want you to know what you might be up against.
You want to control everything because you want to control everything.
Maybe you could mask your contempt for me in front of the doctor.
(SIGHS) They waited too long to diagnose my brother, too long to medicate him.
Each hallucination can cause more damage.
I think we should start Ramon on Seroquel as soon as possible.
What? You have been lecturing me about the evils of Western medicine for the past 35 years.
We have to head off a second hallucination Oh my God which can only make a third one more likely.
Ms.
Bayer.
I'm sorry, Doctor, but you should probably know I'm not one of those mothers who can sit back and watch from behind a glass.
(SIGHS) I intend to take an active part in Ramon's diagnosis and treatment.
I genuinely respect your desire to be so involved but that decision is for Ramon to make.
Should he undergo treatment, it would be based on strict confidentiality between him and myself.
Well, of of course, but but if he agrees to our being involved Do you want your parents to know everything we talk about during your treatment? You don't have to say "yes," Ramon.
In fact, I would advise you not to.
(CHUCKLES) Excuse me? You were a therapist, Ms.
Bayer.
You know there can be no meaningful therapy for Ramon with his parents in the room.
If you decide to become my patient, they can't be here without your consent.
Do you understand? And if they call or email to ask about your progress, I can't answer them.
I'm prohibited by law.
(MUFFLED) Ramon.
Ramon.
(SPEAKS FARSI) - FARID (MUFFLED): Ramon? - AUDREY: I'm sorry, but this clearly is not the best RAMON: No, I want to be his patient.
I do.
- I do.
- AUDREY: Sweetie.
Then you both need to wait outside until we're done with our session.
Of course.
Everything's going to be okay.
All right? We'll be right outside - if you need us, sweetie.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS) Who is that woman in the picture? What picture? Who is she? My mother.
Why? I don't have all the answers I don't pretend to know There's too many cooks in the kitchen Too many songs on the radio I don't know what they're saying It doesn't really matter, I ain't listenin' This pretty face ain't going to waste I ride, baby, ride High, baby, high Low, baby, low Take it, don't leave it Dancing, go, baby, go (WHISPERS) Go, baby, go Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya I believe in you, baby 'Cause you're all kinds of good I have the freedom to choose And I'm choosing you I believe in you, baby Go, baby, go 'Cause I only do you good You got the freedom to choose And I'm choosing you High, baby, high Low, baby, low Take it, don't leave it Dancing, go, baby, go Go, baby, go Go, baby, go Take it, don't leave it Dancing, just go, baby, go (WHISPERS) Go, baby, go (DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
(SPEAKS FARSI) (METALLIC SCREECH) - (SCREAMING) - (SPEAKS FARSI) (SCREAMING) - (SCREAMING CONTINUES) - (INDISTINCT DIALOG) (DISTANT HORNS HONK, SIREN WAILS) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) My home Is a girl who can't wait for time to tell God only knows We don't need history When your family Swinging from the branches of a tree God only knows We don't need ghost stories Ooh, la, la, la, la, la Let's live in the moment Come back Sunday morning A lie, oh well, When you're (MUSIC CONTINUES ON RADIO) She looked like she was in some old Mexican movie, but she wasn't speaking Spanish.
(SIGHS) I don't know what language it was, - but she says my name - Uh-huh.
and then she just rips her fucking face open.
Wow.
Wow, you're way deeper than I am.
I just dream I'm at work with no pants on.
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES) - Do you have a boner? - In the dream or right now? - Either.
- No, sadly.
- You're a tease.
You're a tease.
- (LAUGHS) You wouldn't know what to do with me if you had me.
You're probably right.
You give up to easy.
You give up to easy.
(LAUGHS) - (SOUNDS FADE) - (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) (HIGH-PITCHED WHINING) - That was weird.
- What? That was really weird.
I just felt like something grabbed my head and turned me, so that I would look at that clock, - like it wanted me to see that clock.
- (ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES) What wanted you to? - I don't know.
- A lie, oh well Wait.
11:11, doesn't that mean something? Uh, yeah.
I mean, it sounds like it should, right, because of 9/11, 7-Eleven.
- Yeah.
- (PHONE BUZZING) - (LAUGHS) - My pants are vibrating.
Now who's the tease? Hmm? - Hey, Mom.
- AUDREY (ON PHONE): Sweetie.
I need you to do me a big favor today.
- Mom, put him on speaker.
- I I don't, uh It's this new phone.
I I have to You don't know how to connect to Bluetooth.
Okay, this is why millennials are so angry.
You're not a millennial.
They haven't even named your generation yet Hello? although I have a couple of suggestions.
What, "stupid cunts"? (LAUGHS) - RAMON: Hello? - Ramon, Ramon, on your way over tonight, I need you to stop by the dry cleaners and pick up Dad's gray silk blazer I want him to wear.
Mom, seriously? Please don't make me bring up who pays your rent.
Mom, can you at least put him on speaker? KRISTEN (ON PHONE): You're about to get a ticket! You want me to bike four and a half miles with the dry cleaning? (LAUGHS) Of course not.
Take an Uber, use my account.
- Okay.
Ram? - RAMON: Yeah.
Can you come like half an hour early? I need to talk to you about something.
It's really important.
Why can't you talk about it in front of me? Uh, because I am my own person who's not you with my own boundaries and everything.
We actually exist.
Can you do it? Please say yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will.
I will.
- Ah! Okay.
I love you.
Bye.
- Oh, oh, oh! - What if I wasn't done with him? - You were.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
Where were we? Oh, we were flirting like we've been doing every day since I started working here.
- Right.
- Right.
Um, what are you doing tonight? I get off at 5:00.
My mom is actually throwing a birthday party for my dad, and I have to be there.
Can I come? That would be weird.
Why? Mm-hmm.
MAN (OVER PA): Brian, customer needs assistance with the piñatas.
KRISTEN: Ta-dah! You're going to make us eat with wooden forks? Bamboo is sustainable.
The world is bigger than us.
KRISTEN (SIGHING): Oh yeah, we've fucked that beyond repair.
It is too late to stop climate change.
That ship has sailed.
- Thank you for that, by the way.
- Sweetie, remember, - thoughts create reality.
- (LAUGHS) KRISTEN: Mom, we should all wear horse heads tonight, like the entire family, but then act like it's totally normal.
If anyone asks us, just be like, "What? - What horse heads?" - (LAUGHS) - Are you high? - (SIGHS) Sweetie.
Mom, you should be glad that I smoke pot, because if I didn't, I would be bipolar, and I'm not kidding about that.
Sweetie, your brain is hardly even formed yet.
Did you smoke pot when you were my age? Ah (SIGHS) I also did LSD, which can actually trigger psychosis in rare cases.
Does that mean you should do it? Maybe.
You know how much I regret smoking pot.
I'm sure it's the reason for my compromised attention skills.
Mom, you do not have ADD.
- Let's leave any diagnosis to me, okay? - Fine.
I'm the professional.
You just try to do more than one human could possibly do, so of course you're overwhelmed.
But it's not a condition.
Not everything is a condition.
It's too late for any of it.
(SIGHS) It's too late for me to have children.
I mean, I know I could adopt, but it's too late spiritually.
(SNIFFLES) It's too late for me to leave Carl, even if I knew that's what I wanted to do, because it's much too late for me to meet a man I might actually be compatible with.
Because even if such a man did exist, he's married and old, and probably dead.
But, Lydia, you're alive.
And is this how you want to live? Mourning imaginary lives you'll never have? No.
Can you change the past? (SIGHS) No.
Does the past exist? Here, now? - No? - What exists? Right now? - Precisely.
- Um - Right now.
- Okay, I'm thinking.
No, right now, that's what exists.
Right now is all that ever exists.
Well, my old therapist told me that - grieving was important.
- Yeah? When did she tell you this? Well, I quit seeing her about three years ago.
And how has three years of grieving worked out for you? (CRYING) Oh my God.
Those three years I could've been doing Those three years are never coming back, Lydia.
Never.
No matter how much you cry.
What exists? Right now.
Right now.
(CHUCKLES) (KISSES) So, until next week BOTH: See it, want it, have it.
Good.
Oh.
- (CHUCKLES) - (SIGHS) Ready, Brandon? I'm on time this week.
I appreciate that.
When it becomes the norm, that's when it'll be an accomplishment.
(WHISPERS) Great.
ASHLEY: What do you notice about this picture? WOMAN: Um Men do not like to look other men they don't know in the eye, so on male models, everything above the mouth is cropped out.
It's so the male consumer doesn't feel challenged.
- Okay.
- Now, how much time did it take you to decide to put this hat on Randy? I bet you went through a lot of options.
I understand you were in the accessories vault for half an hour.
- I'm a good stylist.
- ASHLEY: You have potential, but you are slow, and you waste time like with this hat thing today.
Well, if they're not supposed to wear the hats, why are there so many of them in the accessories vault? Because we sell them.
But hats, gloves, belts, socks are shot off-figure, not on models.
Have you seen the web site? (CRYING) Yes.
Okay, go back to work.
(SOBBING) You just destroyed that poor girl.
If that's all it takes, I'm sorry, she needs to be destroyed.
She'll probably end up giving blow jobs for meth money trying to erase the pain of this day.
(LAUGHS) Let me know if she does anything else stupid, and help motivate her to be faster if you can.
I'm sure you can.
- (LAUGHS) - (CELL PHONE RINGS) Oh.
Duc.
Hey, want to go out for drinks before Dad's thing tonight? Oh God, yes, let's get fucked up.
Cooper's Hall, 5:30? You're on.
RANDY: I have blow.
(BELL RINGING) (SIGHS) (GAME CHIMING, BLOOPING) - Michael.
- Doc Boatwright.
Recognize this? I always wanted a first edition, and I finally found one on Bonanza.
Look at that.
- Hmm.
- Will you sign it for me? Of course.
You're, uh, well, my biggest inspiration, which you already know.
The way you marry Epicureanism with presentism, and then reboot them both into something so deeply, deeply moral (HUMPHS) As if morality matters.
(SIGHS) Fuck those idiots who called it an ethical defense of hedonism, which wow it boggles my mind anyone would ever interpret it that way.
You are a rock star.
(CHUCKLES) I'll let you get back You know, it's my birthday today.
I'm 60.
No way.
There's a party later.
You you got plans? (TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING) - (BEEPS) - (MUSIC FADES) (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) (MUFFLED THUDS) - (BEEPS) - (TECHNO MUSIC CONTINUES) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (KEYBOARD CLACKING) My girl AUDREY: Kristen, come down here and help me! If you're lucky one day Rolling down the ancient high street You'll find in the mirror I would certainly fuck me.
AUDREY: Kristen, now! - Gonna make you - (MUSIC STOPS) (AUDREY SPEAKS SPANISH, CLAPS HANDS) - (MAN CLEARS THROAT) - (STIFLES LAUGH) MAN: I didn't understand a word.
Are you making them leave because you don't want people to know the party's catered? No, I just think it'll be a warmer, more intimate party without strangers in vests wandering around with canapés.
You sure it's not because you want people to think you did this all yourself? You want to tell me what this ongoing hostility toward me is about? (SCOFFS) Look, what did you need me for? It's biologically determined, you know, this instinct to reject your family of origin.
Dear God, do you ever stop talking? What the fuck is wrong with you? Okay, Mom, I really think that you should consider the benefits of medical marijuana.
I don't need a crutch, Kristen.
And unlike everyone else alive, I don't want one.
(SNAPS FINGERS) Put one of these in each bathroom but do not light them yet.
(WHISPERS) Okay.
Patchouli and frankincense organic soy candle.
Ugh! Flashback to that awful Red Moon party you threw for me when I first got my period.
I can't believe you still haven't forgiven me for that.
I will never forgive you for that.
That party wasn't even for me.
It was just so you and your old hippie friends could get drunk in the hot tub and grab each others' tits.
Well, at least somebody was having fun that night.
- (MAN AND WOMAN GRUNTING) - (BED SQUEAKING) - (MUFFLED TV PLAYING NEXT DOOR) - (DISTANT SIREN WAILING) Oh! Happy birthday.
You remembered.
I got you a present.
Is that a Is that a cock ring? (CHUCKLES) It's a cock sling.
You put your cock and balls through here, and this part pushes up against your taint.
Ah.
- Thank you.
That's a very thoughtful gift for an old fucker like me.
Oh please.
You're better than my 20-year-old clients.
You have 20-year-old clients? I once had a client who was 14.
His dad was Russian mafia, I think, and he bought me for his kid's 14th birthday.
That kid was hung like a giraffe, and he had no idea what to do with it.
Unlike you.
I really gotta go.
Arigatou.
Arigatou.
Same time next week? Whenever you want, Simon.
MAN (ON RADIO): environmental cap-and-trade bill is making its way through the Oregon legislature.
There are several different groups (SOBBING) supporting the bill, and our current guest (BROADCAST CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ASHLEY: Our brother, Baby Jesus, is from Colombia.
(RANDY LAUGHS) Your brother is not named Baby Jesus.
Well, we always called him that because our parents thought he was perfect.
Still do.
Yeah, she never had to teach him how to speak English.
Or learn how to deal with his fucking hair.
Although, what's going on with his hair? It's fucking Uh-uh.
(GIGGLES) He just He passed for white, - right, since day one.
- Well, he is white.
- White white.
- Yeah.
- WASP white, like Mom and Dad.
- Mmm.
It just made things so much easier for them.
And they just relaxed.
- ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.
- They became different people.
Yeah, he never had to wear Colombian flag T-shirts or serve Colombian food at his birthday parties.
He never had to do anything he didn't want to do.
Uh-uh.
But we're not bitter.
- (LAUGHS) No.
- Yeah, but it must be cool, having siblings from these exotic places.
(CLEARS THROAT) It could've been, if we weren't so aware of being advertisements for how progressive and evolved our parents were.
Mm.
How evolved she was.
He never cared as much.
He didn't.
- So, Vietnam - DUC: Mm-hmm.
and Lie Lib Libya? Libya.
Liberia and Colombia.
All places America totally fucked.
We also have a little sister who's their biological child.
- She is painfully white, like you.
- (LAUGHS) - Now, where are you from? - Wichita.
- Hmm.
- First one in my family to ever leave Kansas.
Well, you've probably added 15 years to your life by doing that.
- (CLATTERS) - What? Oh.
Nothing against Kansas, but We're meant to move, explore.
Being stuck in one place too long is not healthy.
Then why are you both still in Portland? - Well, I travel - He travels.
- a lot - A lot.
And I've built up a large practice of people whom I believe I'm genuinely helping.
- (ASHLEY LAUGHS) - DUC: I'm not going to abandon them.
But Ashley's just scared.
- ASHLEY: Oh God.
- Ooh! Where would I go? Hmm? LA? I've shot there.
I hated it.
New York, Chicago I can't do the winters.
- Where else is there? - Paris, London.
Oh Fuck you.
God.
Like that's so easy? Okay, well, don't be an angry black woman, Speedo.
- (GUFFAWS) - Don't be a Ching Chong Viet Cong, Duc.
Oh! You're sassy.
- Oh, you're a inscrutable.
- I bet you're good at sports.
I bet you're so motherfucking - good at math.
- (PHONE RINGING) - (LAUGHING) - Asshole.
- (WHISPERS) Shit.
- (SIGHS) I have to take this.
I'm sorry.
That was great.
Hey, why are you here? Uh I have I have blow.
(PHONE RINGS) Hey.
Hey, honey, I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm just so jammed.
I got a full rec that I haven't even started shooting yet and that fucking idiot temp stylist that I've been bitching to you about - put us hours behind.
It's just - MALCOLM (ON PHONE): Oh.
Okay.
No worries.
When we get home, I'll just put her down before we leave for your dad's thing, so she can stay up late for the party.
She'll have a lot more fun that way.
Yeah.
You're such a good dad.
Um, so you're okay with meeting me at my folks'? Oh.
Oh, Mommy's gonna be that late.
Well yes.
Mommy will make it up to you.
I promise.
Try not to stress out.
All right.
I love you.
(GIGGLES) - Hey.
- So you're picking up models now? What are you thinking? - I'm not gonna fuck him.
- Does he know that? (SCOFFS) - Wow.
- Is your marriage in trouble? No.
No.
This has nothing to do with Malcolm.
- Then what does it have to do with? - I don't know.
I just want a vacation sometimes.
I just want a break.
That's all.
God.
It's nothing.
It's really nothing.
Look, you've got a great relationship, Ash.
Don't sabotage You don't know anything about relationships, Duc, because being in one includes having sex.
Wow.
Oh my God.
All right.
That was mean.
I'm - I'm a fucking bitch, okay? I'm sorry.
- No.
No, you're right.
(SIGHS) Look, I know why you why you avoid being with someone, and I I I respect your choice, even if I don't agree with it, and I just need the same thing from you.
Deal.
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT) - He's got blow.
- I know.
Mm-hmm.
(GIGGLES) - It's like we're back in high school.
- Yeah.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - Yo.
- Yo.
How are you? - Hi.
- (SCOFFS) This your bike? Put it in my truck.
Yup.
I actually have a favor to ask you.
- Already? - (CHUCKLES) Yeah.
That's not a good start.
What? You know the dry cleaner on Division Street? (WHISPERS) (GUYS LAUGH) That'll be 11.
11.
You gotta be kidding me.
(SCOFFS) It's 15 for the blazer, and then your account has a 3.
89 credit for hanger recycling.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
(LAUGHS) - (CHANGE CLINKS) - 11.
11.
RAMON: "Individuals who are continually contacted "by the number 11:11 usually have some positive mission to accomplish, "a mission that remains a mystery until genetically programmed sequences are activated within the DNA.
" Wait.
Are you Are you the next step in human evolution? 'Cause I'd want to know that.
Well, did you know that string theory needs 11 dimensions or else it doesn't work? Where am I going, by the way? Oh, um my parents live in Laurelhurst.
Okay.
And where do you live? Come on.
Come on.
I gotta take a shower anyway.
We'll be in a really good mood for your dad's thing.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) Calm down - I won't come back down - (HENRY GRUNTING) I'm too burnt out Again And I know I've done this before I'll just fall out Again Maybe this is the positive mission that I'm supposed to accomplish.
I'm wasting all my time You're doing an excellent job.
- Mm-hmm.
- Excellent.
(BOTH MOAN) - (MUSIC CONTINUES ON COMPUTER) - I push it all away (KRISTEN CHUCKLES) I'm wasting all my time - (LAUGHS) - Wash it all away (DOORBELL CHIMES) (GASPS) Well, hello! What is the best and smartest little girl in the world doing on my front porch? Oh! You sweet thing.
Gigi is just going to eat you up.
(WHISPERS) Eat you up.
Eat you up.
- I thought I'd come a little early, - (LAUGHS) see if there's anything I can do to help.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, there are always things you can do, Malcolm.
Where's Ashley? She got held up at work.
(SNORTS) They named me Subeedo, this African name that nobody even knows what it means.
- Sounds like "Speedo.
" - Exactly.
They called me "scrote tote" - in middle school.
- (LAUGHING) ASHLEY: Yeah, so on my 18th birthday, I had it legally changed to the whitest name I could think of.
(LAUGHS) One picture day - she dressed me in kente cloth - Oh yeah.
and put this Erykah Badu - thing on my head.
- (DUC LAUGHS) - It was so fucking humiliating.
- (ALL LAUGH) - Now, I got the áo dà i - ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah.
which is basically a dress, so let's take one of the only Asian kids in school and send him to picture day in a dress that makes him look like the hostess at an Asian fusion restaurant.
(LAUGHING) Oh shit.
It's really late.
We gotta get going.
You're not gonna wreck my car, are you? - I love my car.
- Oh, of course I won't.
(LAUGHS) ASHLEY: Got Listerine if anybody wants some.
DUC: Uh-huh.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) (SIGHS) Ramon is still not here with your jacket.
I'll wear the black cashmere one.
AUDREY: Oh, honey, no.
It's really unflattering.
And you're so handsome in the gray.
So, I'm gonna make a toast to you 30-plus years together, the kids, blah, blah, blah and then you'll make your speech.
Uh, sweetheart, do we have to? I'm not really up to this speech shit.
Greg, you're turning 60.
It's a milestone.
It needs to be marked.
It needs ritual.
(TOILET FLUSHES) (GROANS) What are you doing on the floor? Uh, I dropped the shampoo.
Well, I hope you're not using my shampoo.
That stuff is 22 bucks a bottle.
It's from Denmark.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) Fuck Denmark.
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING) - (BREATHES DEEPLY) Just so you know, I've never brought a guy home before, even though my mom has been dying for me to ever since I came out.
So I'm gonna be kind of a big deal, huh? Sorry.
I'm gonna make a surprise proposal in front of everyone.
- Don't do that.
- Okay.
I seriously gotta pee.
"'One day, I'm gonna fly off this island and go see the world.
' The other turtles" - Hey, who's that? - Uncle Ramon.
MALCOLM: Oh yeah! Go get him! Oh, come here, come here, come here.
Ah! I'm so excited you're here.
- (KISSES) - (HAILEY GIGGLES) You're her favorite.
You know that, right? Yeah, well, she is my favorite, so it all works out.
- (CHUCKLES) - Hailey, look, this is my friend, Henry.
- Hi.
La, la, la, la, la - Hi.
- This is my brother-in-law, Malcolm.
- Hey.
- Pleasure to meet you, Henry.
- Yes, likewise.
(LAUGHING) Um, where's the bathroom? RAMON: Tickles.
Oh, end of the hall.
- Are you sure you're not ticklish? - Follow the smell of patchouli.
- (RAMON CHUCKLES) Okay.
- (HAILEY LAUGHS) He's cute, man.
Yeah, I barely know him.
You're gonna want to enjoy that while it lasts.
Ramon! Where have you been? You need to come with me right now.
All right, let's go.
You promised me you would be early.
I know, something came up.
(SIGHS) (SIGHS) (EXHALES) KRISTEN: He says he's a serial killer.
(LAUGHS) You need to block this guy.
What? Come on! What real serial killer would advertise it on Facebook? Okay, I'm never gonna meet him.
If I wanted to actually hook up, I would go on Tinder, which I don't.
Okay, do you really think I want to see his face when the hideous beast that's me shows up instead of hot Angela Milton? Kristen, you are so not hideous.
Says the beautiful Colombian boy.
I've made my peace being the boring white chick in the family.
- (CHUCKLES) - Wait.
Did I tell you I'm getting my DNA analyzed.
Why? 'Cause maybe there's a tiny percentage of something interesting in there.
Kristen, seriously, you have to be careful with this Facebook stuff.
There are real psychos out there.
I actually hooked up with one once.
Wait.
How often do you hook up? How often do you? I'm 17, dumbass.
Like never.
Yet.
Don't judge me.
I'm not waiting for the perfect you know, whatever.
I just haven't found anyone particularly interested.
(LAUGHS) (GROANS) Interesting.
Uh-oh, Freudian slip.
You are unusually forthcoming tonight.
I'm high.
I'm always high.
Is that like a plea for help? Dear God, no, I love it.
Ooh, wait.
Check out this new vaporizer.
RAMON: Let's see.
(GRUNTS) (SIGHS) I got you this.
(LAUGHS) Oh my Right.
Sorry.
Thank you.
(LAUGHS) (GRUNTS) Okay, suck it up, boys.
No one can see how inebriated we are.
Okay? No one.
Randy, you are Duc's friend.
You and I just met.
I picked you guys up - on my way over.
- Why? Because she doesn't want her husband to know she's bringing a hot boy to the party.
Duc, you're not gonna tell Malcolm anything, okay? Of course not, you're my sister.
He's just your incredibly nice husband who happens to be my best friend, which is not awkward for me at all.
- You're married? - Yeah.
Actually, that makes total sense.
What the fuck does that mean? You're beautiful, smart, and fucking hot.
- Of course you're married.
- ASHLEY: Aw.
You're very sweet, Randy or you're a complete douchebag.
DUC: Can you not call her "hot"? - RANDY: It's a fact.
- (DUC SIGHS) - (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (ASHLEY SIGHS) (LIVELY CHATTERING) - Hey, baby! Hi! - Mom! Don't you look nice? Look at you.
Aw, Daddy did a great job dressing you.
Somebody was a little more interested in picking out her outfit - than taking a nap - Oh.
(LAUGHS) so I don't know how long she's gonna last.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
Uh-huh.
It's no problem.
- You smell like Listerine.
- Mmm.
- Yup, Listerine.
Let me check again.
- (LAUGHS) Wow.
It's like a golden retriever turned into a dude.
Right? I think she married him to piss our mom off.
He was a Republican you know, before Trump.
- Yeah.
- But she hit the jackpot.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) I spend my Saturday nights alone Nothin' to do, just sit at home Do I know you? Um, no, I don't think so.
Hi, I'm Henry.
I made it explicitly clear there were to be no catering servers Ah.
Oh, no.
(LAUGHS) No, no, I'm I'm with Ramon.
As his date? - Uh, yeah.
- Really? - Sure.
Yeah.
- I'm Ramon's mom, - Audrey.
- Oh.
Audrey.
Oh.
(LAUGHS) I'm sorry.
Oh, it is such a pleasure to meet you.
- Oh my God, a pleasure.
- (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLES) The pleasure is mine.
- Come.
- Okay.
I want to learn everything about you.
Okay.
22, 23, 24, 25 - How high can you count? - A hundred.
(GASPS) I need to take a picture of you 'cause you just counted to a hundred.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Get ready.
(LAUGHS) ASHLEY: We are smart ladies.
Dude.
I don't think she's gonna fuck me tonight.
Dude, that's my sister.
Shut your fucking mouth.
I mean, why'd she even bring me, huh? (SCOFFS) She just likes to play with fire.
Ashley likes to play near fire, without ever getting close enough to actually get burned.
I mean, I get it.
Her husband's very fuckable.
(SIGHS) Oh well.
Summer, the date and the beach Everyone here's pretty old.
It's a 60th birthday party.
Are there any caterers here at least? So, tell me about this psycho you hooked up with.
It was so fucking creepy.
He made this face during sex that literally was like the face of madness.
That's it? He just made a weird face? You seem disappointed that he didn't murder or dismember me.
- (LAUGHS) - It was really upsetting.
I kind of just put the brakes on hooking up after that.
Wait.
When was the last time you hooked up? - A couple hours ago.
- (LAUGHS) What? Oh, slut.
What did you hook up on? Grindr? - Uh-uh.
- Growlr.
- No.
- Bristlr? - Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
- Scruff.
- I met him in real life.
- Oh, what? That is weird.
His name's Henry.
- Oh shit! - What? - He's here tonight.
- (LAUGHS) No.
Yeah, he kind of invited himself, and I just never said no.
- Oh, so the sex was good.
- Yeah.
Well, fuck.
Introduce me to him.
All right, just don't be weird.
I don't want to scare him off.
Please.
When am I ever weird? Wait.
Have I ever told you about how much I just love gay porn? Yeah, only a gazillion times.
- Hey, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash, Ash.
- What? Can Sorry.
Can I get in on your gift to Dad, please? Ram Come on, how much is half? - Two hundred dollars.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- I I can do 50.
No.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Stop it.
Okay, but thank you.
ASHLEY: Dad.
Happy birthday.
Let the stories be told Wow.
- These are beautiful.
- They're great.
They were custom-made for you in Italy.
Ashley, thank you.
Welcome.
- And Ramon.
- And Ramon.
Thanks, buddy.
Happy birthday, Dad.
KRISTEN: Dad.
Yeah, I'm still making your gift.
I can't wait to see what it is.
Let the good times roll - Oh fuck.
- Let the good times roll Let the good times roll He's talking to Mom.
(LAUGHS) KRISTEN: Oh yeah, Ram, he is uber hot.
I better go rescue him before she unhinges her jaw - and swallows him whole.
- Okay.
I used to be a therapist.
Not a lot escapes me.
- Hey.
So you guys met each other.
- (HENRY LAUGHS) We did.
Sweetie.
- Yeah? - I want you to know, you have my full, unconditional blessing.
Well, of course I do, Mom.
Not that I need it.
(WHISPERS) This one's a keeper.
(WHISPERS) This one? There's something very special about this.
Yeah, yeah, we put our dicks in each other.
- (SNICKERS) - Was that really necessary? Mom, we're gay.
We're not special.
That's a little bit condescending and weird.
Well, would you prefer a mother who disowned you? Or sat Shiva for you? Sometimes.
Yeah.
Well, I'm truly sorry, Henry, that Ramon feels the need to denigrate me in front of you.
(CHUCKLES) You must be pretty important to him.
Excuse me.
(SIGHS) GREG: A gym membership? It's not just a gym, Dad.
It's a platinum membership to Quantum Fitness.
You can use any part of the entire club, 24-7.
You know I'm 60, right? (CHUCKLES) You can start with some basic yoga.
- (LAUGHS) - We could go together.
You could use it.
You're pretty stiff.
Well, stiff is a good thing at my age.
MICHAEL: Doc Boatwright! Michael! Thank you, son.
Welcome.
- Hey.
- Welcome, welcome.
- Oh.
Oh, sure.
- Come here.
MICHAEL: Um, you remember my girlfriend, Emma.
- EMMA: Hi.
Happy birthday.
- GREG: Of course.
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) - (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) (MUFFLED BREATHING) Mmm.
You can stop And hear the children cry (PIANO STRIKES NOTE) KRISTEN: Hey.
Hey.
Or perhaps I should say "Neigh!" (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) - Great party, Mom.
- Is it? Aren't you even remotely interested why I might say that? Remotely.
(BOTH CHUCKLE) Mom, if you want to tell me how you're feeling, tell me.
I'd love to hear, but it's not my job to dig it out of you.
Oh, is that how you "motivate" people's "architecture"? Passive-aggressively? Yes, and that was neither passive nor aggressive.
- Celibately? - Well, that was aggressive.
(SCOFFS) Women need men like you.
You should be making love constantly, bringing that empathy into being.
You could be a conduit for healing the world.
- Through fucking? - Eh.
(LAUGHS) (GREG SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) - AUDREY: Look at your father.
- (GROUP LAUGHS) So hungry for approval.
He wasn't always like that.
He always had the approval, so he never had to work for it.
(SIGHS) He's been depressed for a couple of years now.
Any particular reason? No, I'm waiting for him to tell me.
It's not my job to dig it out of him.
(LAUGHS) I look at him, and I love him so much, it literally hurts.
I'm serious, like it might injure me.
And in the same moment, I wanna smack him repeatedly in the face with big, wet fish.
Who's that kid talking to Dad? Hmm.
His TA, Michael something.
- (LAUGHS) - DUC: Oh, yeah? Your father loves his acolytes.
GREG: my ass.
(LAUGHING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (RANDY CHUCKLES) Round and round and up and down we go, baby Hmm.
(MUFFLED BREATHING) - (CANDLES SIZZLING) - (LAUGHTER) Ah, I love that.
That's so good.
I'm gonna steal that.
- (LAUGHS) - Okay.
Well, I stole it.
- Mind if I grab him for a bit? - Oh.
- How are you doing? - I'm great.
I'm drunk.
Oh, honey.
Only seltzer then, the rest of the party.
Here's your blazer.
- No.
I'm I'm good.
- For your speech.
Oh.
If you wanna look nice.
I'm good.
Um, you you should probably know, I'm a virgin.
(SCOFFS) We can use my shirt.
(GRUNTS) (BELT BUCKLE CLINKS) Can I have everyone's attention? - Attention, please! - Aw.
We're here to celebrate the birth of my dear husband, Greg, who I met at Berkeley many centuries ago.
(LAUGHTER) Aw! (LAUGHTER) June 12th, 1982.
- The March for Disarmament.
- WOMAN: Wow.
Still one of the largest protest marches in New York City history.
But I remember it as the day he proposed.
PEOPLE: Aw.
I had never met a boy who was so comfortable around me.
Some people say I can be a handful.
- What? - (LAUGHTER) But Greg wasn't intimidated.
He got me.
In fact he celebrated me.
WOMAN: Oh, that's so sweet.
And he's done so every day of mine and our four children's lives, (CRIES) and we love him for it (LAUGHTER) as I'm sure you all do.
- (PEOPLE AGREEING) - Greg? WOMAN: We love you both.
My darling.
The love of my life.
Wouldn't you like to say a few words? - MAN: Yeah! - MAN 2: Come on, get up there, Greg.
- Mm-mm.
- MAN: Let's hear it.
- (APPLAUSE) - WOMAN 2: Come on, Greg! MAN: Greg! All right, Greg! Yeah! (WHISPERS) Thanks, honey.
(WHISPERS) Please don't say anything depressing.
WOMAN 3: Audrey, you dropped your bracelet.
AUDREY: Oh, thank you.
(GREG SIGHS) Well I don't think anyone (CLEARS THROAT) I don't think anyone's life turns out the way they thought it would.
- (PEOPLE CHUCKLE) - WOMAN: That's for sure.
Things we didn't even know existed (WHISPERS) What's with the all black? Is he Johnny Cash? - He's struggling for autonomy.
- Oh.
GREG: While things we considered fundamental But the gray silk, he looks so good in that.
He doesn't want to look good.
He wants to have his way.
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm still a teenager - (PEOPLE CHUCKLE) - like age is just an illusion and I'm gonna feel this way forever.
But other times, I feel like there's a pair of invisible hands wrapped around my heart squeezing it so tight that I think I'm I think it's gonna stop beating.
I almost wish it would.
But it doesn't.
(MAN CLEARS THROAT) It just keeps beating and I just keep going.
I'm a philosopher whatever that means.
(LAUGHTER) I spent most of my life trying to figure out what life is all about.
And here I am, 60 years old 60, and I have no fucking idea.
(LAUGHTER) RANDY: Let me know if you - need me to stop or slow down.
- (KRISTEN PANTING) KRISTEN: Okay, I will.
GREG: When I was young, I thought the purpose of life was to seek enlightenment, to use our minds, to try to imagine a better future Just breathe.
Okay.
GREG: bring light into the darkness (KRISTEN GASPS) GREG: to reject fear and despair and cynicism (BOTH BREATHING HARD) GREG: to honor intelligence and reason to choose love.
(BREATHES HARD) (LAUGHS) Love? I feel embarrassed even articulating that, because (SIGHS DEEPLY) I look at the world not even the world here, now and all I see is ignorance, hatred, terror, and rage.
We lost, folks.
We lost.
I look back on my partnership with this amazing woman and this great experiment that is our family and I wonder, I really do wonder "Did any of it make any difference?" 'Cause from where I'm standing - (METALLIC SCREECHING) - (SHOUTS) What the fuck? (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) What the fuck is that? - (NOISE STOPS) - (BREATHING HARD) What the fuck is what? - (SCREECHING CONTINUES) - (CANDLES FLICKERING) - (NOISE STOPS) - Hey.
Hey.
What's happening? (RAMON BREATHING SHAKILY) HENRY: Ramon? (SCREECHING CONTINUES) (FLAMES ROARING) - (NOISE STOPS) - (PEOPLE MURMURING) - What the fuck? - (SCREECHING, ROARING CONTINUES) It's fucking 11:11! (NOISE STOPS) AUDREY: Ramon.
Did you take anything tonight? Who gave it to you? - No.
- Was it Henry? Hey, hey.
I got you.
I got you.
(SCREECHING, ROARING CONTINUES) (NOISE FADES) (PEOPLE MURMURING) What's going on with him? He's hallucinating.
I was hallucinating? It's okay.
Wait.
Nobody saw what happened with the fire? It's okay.
- What it did? - (DOOR OPENS) - It's okay.
- (DOOR CLOSES) HENRY: It's all right.
What's wrong with Ramon? AUDREY: He doesn't have a fever.
We did a whole blood battery, nothing was abnormal, so no liver or kidney failure.
No migraines.
He's way too young for dementia.
He sleeps over eight hours a night, so no narcolepsy.
Full MRI revealed nothing, so no tumor that might cause hallucinations.
FARID: Mrs.
Boatwright.
It's Bayer, like the aspirin.
Ms.
Bayer.
Ms.
Bayer hallucinations can be symptomatic of many different conditions besides Well, of course I know that.
I was a therapist for almost 20 years before I founded the Empathy Initiative.
It wasn't a hallucination.
I saw 11:11 on the clock.
I mean, a friend of mine can corroborate.
He was there.
A friend you've only known for a matter of days.
Mom, seriously? - (RAMON SCOFFS) - Is it possible, Ramon, that seeing or hearing that number could've planted the idea in your subconscious? That's what I've been saying.
No, these numbers mean something, Dad.
AUDREY: Sweetie, I know it's scary, and you wanna find some sense of meaning in what happened, - but try not to be too - Schizophrenic? (RAMON SCOFFS) - I know that's what you're thinking.
- (SIGHS) You're thinking I'm just like Uncle Ike.
This is why I thought it would be better if if your father and I spoke to the doctor alone at first.
(AUDREY SIGHS) You should probably know my older brother is schizophrenic.
But But Ramon is not our biological child.
AUDREY: I'm aware of that.
I'm not saying it's genetic.
I'm saying I know what it looks like.
I've seen it start.
He was just high, and he imagined something.
Remember when he was little and he thought shadows were always following him? Shadows were following me, Dad.
And you've been high and seen things.
I was with you, Audrey, when you thought you were in an Aztec pyramid being prepared for sacrifice.
I wasn't high.
I was tripping.
GREG: And and when we first met, you were terrified that you would still turn out to be schizophrenic.
What is your point? My point is, you weren't! You-you you have so much fear about this, that you almost are creating Leave your fucking philosophy in the classroom, okay? Of course I'm terrified.
Ike was Ramon's age when he had his first psychotic episode.
Until we gather more conclusive information, I need everyone in the room to stop using diagnostic terms like psychosis and schizophrenia.
Can we all agree on that? RAMON: Mm-hmm.
These words are used much more than they should be and can be very confusing, especially to the patient.
Thank you.
She's been sending him links to web sites.
She's fucking scared shitless.
I want him to be educated.
I want you to know what you might be up against.
You want to control everything because you want to control everything.
Maybe you could mask your contempt for me in front of the doctor.
(SIGHS) They waited too long to diagnose my brother, too long to medicate him.
Each hallucination can cause more damage.
I think we should start Ramon on Seroquel as soon as possible.
What? You have been lecturing me about the evils of Western medicine for the past 35 years.
We have to head off a second hallucination Oh my God which can only make a third one more likely.
Ms.
Bayer.
I'm sorry, Doctor, but you should probably know I'm not one of those mothers who can sit back and watch from behind a glass.
(SIGHS) I intend to take an active part in Ramon's diagnosis and treatment.
I genuinely respect your desire to be so involved but that decision is for Ramon to make.
Should he undergo treatment, it would be based on strict confidentiality between him and myself.
Well, of of course, but but if he agrees to our being involved Do you want your parents to know everything we talk about during your treatment? You don't have to say "yes," Ramon.
In fact, I would advise you not to.
(CHUCKLES) Excuse me? You were a therapist, Ms.
Bayer.
You know there can be no meaningful therapy for Ramon with his parents in the room.
If you decide to become my patient, they can't be here without your consent.
Do you understand? And if they call or email to ask about your progress, I can't answer them.
I'm prohibited by law.
(MUFFLED) Ramon.
Ramon.
(SPEAKS FARSI) - FARID (MUFFLED): Ramon? - AUDREY: I'm sorry, but this clearly is not the best RAMON: No, I want to be his patient.
I do.
- I do.
- AUDREY: Sweetie.
Then you both need to wait outside until we're done with our session.
Of course.
Everything's going to be okay.
All right? We'll be right outside - if you need us, sweetie.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS) Who is that woman in the picture? What picture? Who is she? My mother.
Why? I don't have all the answers I don't pretend to know There's too many cooks in the kitchen Too many songs on the radio I don't know what they're saying It doesn't really matter, I ain't listenin' This pretty face ain't going to waste I ride, baby, ride High, baby, high Low, baby, low Take it, don't leave it Dancing, go, baby, go (WHISPERS) Go, baby, go Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya, ya I believe in you, baby 'Cause you're all kinds of good I have the freedom to choose And I'm choosing you I believe in you, baby Go, baby, go 'Cause I only do you good You got the freedom to choose And I'm choosing you High, baby, high Low, baby, low Take it, don't leave it Dancing, go, baby, go Go, baby, go Go, baby, go Take it, don't leave it Dancing, just go, baby, go (WHISPERS) Go, baby, go (DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)