Hilda (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

1 - [birds chirping.]
- [theme music playing.]
Hilda [woman vocalizing.]
[bell tolling in distance.]
[bell continues tolling.]
[woffs calling.]
[caws.]
[Hilda grunting.]
[gasps.]
See that, Twig? It's a troll rock.
Trolls don't usually come this far down the mountain.
[chuckles.]
I've got to draw this.
Pretty sure that's a nose, and those must be arms.
[snorts, growls.]
- Don't worry, boy.
- [whines.]
This troll can't even think about eating us right now.
As long as there's daylight, it's just a rock.
Of course, once the sun goes down, we're doomed.
[whimpering.]
Here, you hang this on its nose.
If the troll moves, the bell jingles.
Then we'll know it's time to run for our lives.
Done! I think I'm happy with that.
Hmm maybe one more.
[crackling.]
And, there.
That's much better.
- [bell jingles.]
- [crackling.]
Time to go.
[roars.]
[panting.]
[woffs grunting.]
[laughing.]
Good thing we had that bell.
I think we outran him.
- [sniffing.]
- [sighs.]
- [snorts.]
- What is it, boy? [snarling.]
Whoa! That's a huge footprint, even for a forest giant.
[bell jingles.]
Run! [panting.]
[snarling.]
[panting continues.]
- [footsteps approaching.]
- [bell jingling.]
[roars.]
[insects chirping.]
[panting.]
We lost him in the woods, boy.
[bell jingles.]
Or maybe not.
[grunting.]
[snarling.]
Easy, boy.
- [grunts.]
- [bell jingling.]
Twig, I think he's in distress.
[grunting.]
The bell's driving him crazy, poor thing.
And his arms, they're too short.
[snarling, whines.]
[whimpers.]
Hold on, Mr.
Troll.
It's okay.
I can fix this.
[growls.]
Uh-oh! - [grunts, screams.]
- [roaring.]
Oh! My sketchbook! [chuckles.]
Thanks.
Well, that was pretty traumatic, but such is the life of an adventurer.
[Twig whines.]
[clock ticking.]
- [glassware clinking.]
- [Mum.]
Hilda, I've made us some tea.
I am seriously appreciating the coziness in here right now.
- [blows, slurps.]
- [man whistling.]
[whistling tune.]
[Mum scoffs.]
The Wood Man.
[whistling continues.]
[Mum.]
He always just comes in without knocking.
It's rude! [Hilda.]
It's okay.
He probably just wants to get warm.
And besides, he brings us wood.
[Wood Man.]
It's drafty in here.
You should really close that door.
[Hilda growls.]
- [knocking on door.]
- [sighs.]
Now what? [owl hooting.]
It's another one of those tiny letters.
Good grief, this is the sixth one this week.
- Is it from the hidden people again? - Yes, it is.
Are they still saying we have to move and they're gonna smash our house? - Basically.
- Who are these people? Well, they're tiny and they don't like us very much.
Well, I don't like them.
"Dear to whom it may concern, please leave us alone! We are nice people, so please stop being mean.
All the best, Hilda.
" Listen up, little guys, whoever you are, this one's for you! [Wood Man.]
I can't read with all these distractions.
Good night to you, too.
Maybe your note will do the trick.
[sighs.]
Let's finish our game of Dragon Panic.
- Is it my turn next or yours? - Mine.
[insects chirping.]
- [man on TV grunting.]
- [Mum and Hilda snoring.]
[footsteps pattering.]
[man on TV grunts.]
[static crackling.]
[grunts.]
[male voice.]
Attention, residents! Due to your failure to heed our warnings, we shall now implement your forcible eviction from the premises! Forcible eviction now! Banish the big boots! What the? - Ow! Ow! Mum! - Hilda [shouting.]
[Hilda.]
Mum! Ow! [male voice.]
Jettison the giants! [male voices.]
Heave ho, you must go! Heave ho, you must go! All right.
- That's enough.
- [male voices yelling.]
[male voices chattering.]
Ow! Ow! Ow! - Get out! - [male voice.]
Stop! Wait a minute! - [grunts.]
- They're gone! - Mum, they're - [glass crunches.]
Oh, boy.
Hilda, we can't stay here, not if this is gonna keep happening.
- What? - We've never been attacked like this.
I think we'll have to move to Trolberg.
But we've been here for all time, since I was born! Moving to Trolberg could be a good thing.
You could make some proper friends.
Wouldn't that be nice? No! I love it here in the wilderness.
It's literally the best place ever! [sighs.]
Please, Mum, I don't want to live in the dirty old city.
[Twig whines.]
I'm sorry, but if one more thing like this happens, we're gone.
"Dear little guys who trashed my house, why are you so mad at me and my mum? Please tell me so I can fix it and we can all live in peace.
All the best, Hilda.
" I hope they're not too mad to even read my note.
Let's go to bed and get some rest, eh? We'll clean all this up tomorrow.
[door creaks.]
[snoring.]
[footsteps pattering.]
- [Alfur.]
Psst! Little girl! - [gasps.]
Who's there? [Alfur.]
I'm one of the little people who trashed your house.
Get out! Oh! The trashing wasn't done by me personally.
I'm more of a writer than a fighter.
- Did you read my note? - Indeed.
Wait.
Am I dreaming? You sound like you're just a voice inside my head.
Not at all! So, why won't you show yourself? Oh, my people take the business of who sees them and who doesn't very seriously, which means, of course, that there's a lot of paperwork involved.
What kind of paperwork? If you'll just go over to your desk, please.
I took the liberty of filling out the relevant papers for you.
I think you'll find the forgery quite impressive.
[Hilda.]
Indeed.
Now, if you'll sign this last page yourself, we'll be all set.
This better not be some kind of trick.
There.
Now, where are you? [clears throat.]
Look in the mirror.
- I don't - Your ear.
Coo-ee! [chuckles.]
You're very, very small.
Mm, I'm on the tall side for an elf, actually, so My name is Alfur.
- It's nice to finally see you, Alfur.
- It's nice to be seen.
Now, if you'll come outside with me, there's something I want to show you.
[snoring.]
[gasps.]
Wow! This is amazing! - [snarles.]
- [electricity crackles.]
Careful there, Twig! Have these been here all the time, and I just couldn't see them? Correct.
Careful with that! - [screaming.]
- Somebody lives there, you know.
- Whoops.
- [Alfur.]
Yeah, whoops, indeed.
Look.
Behavior like that will not endear you to elfkind.
- [Hilda.]
Sorry about that.
- [huffs.]
How many houses are there? How far does this go? [Alfur.]
I dare say as far as the eye can see.
There's 15 counties in this valley alone, and your house is smack in the middle of my one.
But why get mad now? My great-granddad built that house.
I've lived here all my life, and there hasn't been any bother.
[sighs.]
It's the new prime minister.
He promised to get rid of you if he was elected, and [grunts.]
now that he has been, he has to see to it that he does.
But that's not fair! We're allowed to live here as much as you are.
[whimpers.]
Don't shout at me! I agree! And besides, if you weren't so sniffy about who sees you and who doesn't, then maybe my granddad would've chosen somewhere a bit less populated.
It's an important tradition of my people to be sniffy about it.
So take me to the prime minister.
Maybe I could explain things to him and fix this before Mum moves us to Trolberg.
For one thing, it's the middle of the night.
And, for another, you can't simply request a meeting to go and say, "Hello!" - But I'm the giant girl, so - The mayor! I'll arrange a meeting with the mayor of the town your house is currently occupying.
Perhaps he can help us with the prime minister.
- Well, okay, but - Got to dash now! I'll come for you tomorrow.
Good night, Hilda! [Hilda gasps.]
What the? [Twig whines.]
What? Mum is not going to like this.
[exhales.]
[Alfur.]
Remember, allow me to handle the introductions.
I know the protocol.
[bell ringing.]
[fanfare playing.]
Honorable Mayor, may I have the pleasure of Oh, I know who you are.
The giant, the menace! Oh, dear.
Oh, so, you can see us, can you? Finally noticed us, did you? - [mocking.]
Ooh.
- Are you kidding me? How could I notice you if I couldn't see you? Young lady, the forms are very straightforward.
And where was I supposed to get these forms? [sputters.]
The forms are widely available.
The important thing is that all the forms have now been filed, so We've had enough of her ruthless occupation of our historic city, haven't we, Angelina? Ooh, yes, we have.
We have, haven't we? Meow! But there's nothing ruthless about it.
We didn't know you even existed until recently.
- Pure ignorance! - You're invisible! - [meowing.]
- Please, please, can you lower your voice? You're alarming my cat.
Well, look, I'm sorry about that, but, please, don't evict us.
Can't we just get along? [gasps.]
Angelina's heavily pregnant.
I don't want her unnecessarily stressed.
She's a purebred velourian silkhair.
- Fetch Angelina's basket, will you? - Right away, Mr.
Mayor.
Oh.
Do you need to lie down? Yes.
You look the way I feel.
You're not answering my questions.
Oh, are you still here? Look, well, wheels are in motion, plans are in place, letters are being sent, and forms are being filled in, lots of forms! But surely you can stop it.
You're the mayor.
Impossible! I'm only the mayor! It's out of my hands.
And I don't even have hands! So whose hands is it in? Oh, I imagine the only person who could do anything about it is the new prime minister.
It's his big idea, after all.
- Where can I find him? - I can't tell you that! - It's classified information.
- Tell me, please.
- No, I - [meowing.]
- [gasps.]
Oh, Angelina! - Aha! Oh! You beast! Release her this instant! Tell me where the prime minister is, or I'll let your kitty live in my hair forever.
Ah, you fiend! You monster! You beast! Oh.
Behind the waterfall, the great big one that goes into the fjord.
I know where that is.
- Oh, thank goodness! - The basket, sir.
Oh, there, Angelina.
There.
Are you all right? I'm going straight to the prime minister this instant.
Hilda, wait! [grunts.]
I'm telling you that barging in like this could be dangerous! I've got to fix this right now, Alfur, and I don't need a formal introduction.
[panting.]
[gasps.]
There it is! Let's go [grunts.]
Oof! [exhales.]
Aw! A rabbit.
Looks like you took a tumble, poor little thing.
- [squeaking.]
- Ah! It's not just a rabbit! - What? - It's the prime minister's cavalry.
Implement giant girl defense maneuvers! Charge! [screaming.]
[Alfur screams.]
[elf commander.]
Charge forth! Yah! Help! [yells.]
[snarling.]
[thuds, squeaks.]
Implement hasty retreat maneuver! Run away! Run away! Faster! Faster! Oh, she's gaining on us! Ah! [sighs.]
Thanks for that, boy.
[Alfur.]
It's nice to have a deer fox on your side, I must say.
Ah! And here we are.
[drum roll.]
Our training is complete.
We're ready to launch our next attack this evening, sir! - [Hilda.]
Hold on a second! - [elves screaming.]
Please, I mean you no harm! I just want to explain myself.
[screaming stops.]
Oh, well, in that case, everybody be seated.
I want to find a way we can all live together in peace.
I love my home, and I don't want to leave it.
Well, that's, uh, interesting.
Look, I'll be honest with you.
I only said I'd get rid of you because I knew I'd get elected if I did.
It's nothing personal.
- Hip, hip! - Hear, hear! Do you really all hate my mum and me that much? - [elf 1.]
Yes! - [elf 2.]
Indeed! You must understand that the lights from your house are much too bright at night.
For the record, I don't hate you even a little bit.
Annoyance, sometimes, yes, but never, never hatred.
You're very loud.
You keep babies up! And you're always stepping on us.
But I know stepping on you doesn't hurt you if you haven't signed the forms.
I saw Twig's leg go right through a house.
Still, it's a traumatic experience having a giant foot come through your ceilings.
- [chuckles.]
- Okay, I get it, I do.
Listen, we can turn off our lights earlier and keep our voices down.
And if we get my mum to sign the forms, then everything should be fine, right? - It's not quite as simple as that.
- It's not? Your house, you and your family, since anyone can remember, have been considered sworn enemies of the king.
Yes! Yes! Sworn enemies of the king! No one's ever bothered to try and do anything about it until me! And I'm afraid to say that fixing the situation at this point is, um - [Hilda.]
Out of your hands? - Yes.
And I don't even have hands! [chuckles.]
Hilda, wait! [sniffling, crying.]
[panting.]
- [sniffles.]
- Hoo! Alfur, if I was to ask you to tell me where the king lives, would you tell me? Or is it out of the question? [sighs.]
That would violate every protocol.
[sniffles.]
I understand.
Mm Mm Yes, I'll take you.
You will? I will, but it's a tough journey.
I'll need time to prepare.
We can leave the day after tomorrow at sunrise.
- Thank you, Alfur.
- Not at all.
It's actually closer to home than you might think.
[theme music playing.]