Hit & Miss s01e01 Episode Script

Yep, job done.
No problem.
You're like a machine, Mia.
I fucking love it.
Oh, er, this came for you.
I don't know who it's from.
Wendy.
Wendy? My ex.
When I used to be Mia? Mia, what is it? She's got cancer.
She's dying.
That's not all, though.
I've got a son.
What? I've got an 11-year-old son.
Fucking hell, Mia.
I need a drink.
You never mentioned you had a girlfriend.
I met her after I left the fairground.
Tried to have a proper relationship.
Pretend I was something I wasn't.
She wants me to go see her.
Hmmm.
What you going to do? Nothing.
It's my old life.
A different me.
Hello.
Hello.
Is Wendy in? Mummy? Mummy.
Mummy's walking with Jesus.
Can I help you? Riley Who are you? Who is it? Go back inside, Ryan.
I said go back inside! What? Can I speak to Ryan, please? Ryan, why? I just want to speak with him.
No way.
Get lost, you weirdo.
I'm Ryan's dad.
Fuck off.
Don't you remember me, Riley? One, two, three, four, let's have a war! She's still there.
Creep! What we gonna do? Who's that woman? Sit down, Ryan.
I know who you are.
Mum said you'd come.
She did? She named you as our guardian in her Will.
So you were a man, but now you're a woman? Yeah.
So you're gay? No.
Straight.
But I'm a woman trapped inside a man's body.
We loved each other, your mum and me.
We were happy.
If I wasn't a transsexual, I'm sure we'd still be together.
Did Mum know? And she never told you about Ryan? Not until the letter.
But why? Where you going? To get some things.
You don't need to.
Your mum wanted me to be here.
Well, we don't want you here.
We just need you to sign this form.
Tell the Social you'll look after us whatever they want to hear.
And then piss off.
But- But nothing.
We don't need you here, and we don't want you here.
Your mum obviously thought otherwise.
Don't be late for your tea.
Whatever.
Oi, Ryan.
Pocket money now! Where you going, Ryan? He's slept there since Mum died.
What's his name? He's called Family.
That's a nice name.
Come on, Lee.
Bed.
Night-night, God bless, sweet dreams.
Night.
Can you look after Leonie while I'm at swimming? I'm meeting Andy in town.
I can look after her.
You're going to school.
Can't Mia look after her? No way.
Fine.
She can stay with me.
That's Mum's dressing gown.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I don't have anything else.
Can you do me a favour? Yeah.
Of course.
Will you watch Leonie for a couple of hours? Sure.
Thanks.
Hello, Mummy.
'Hello, Mummy.
' 'Hello, Mummy.
' Are you OK, Leonie? Go on, go on.
Hello? "Can you come in?" Tomorrow? No problem.
"Fine.
" Whee! Whee! What you doing? Weirdo.
I don't about a dick in your pants, but you're definitely a dickbrain.
You're fucked in the head.
What the fuck is this? Don't look at me.
Who else could have done it? Not me.
Riley Don't speak to me.
I did it.
What the fuck, Leonie! It's your sleeping bag, isn't it? Just like Ryan.
Don't laugh, Dickhead.
You left 'em lying about.
Yeah? Like you leave your mucky knickers lying about.
Get out.
What? You can't kick me out.
Fucking get out.
No way Tell her, Levi.
I think you better go.
Riley What you even doing here? Sort that out, and fuck off.
It's alright.
What the fuck are you doing here? You're supposed to be at school.
Leave me alone! Yes, love? Um, brandy, please.
That'll put hairs on your chest.
Don't think so.
Looks OK from here.
So You're the new lass I've seen up at Wendy's? I am, yeah.
How did you know her? We're old friends.
We were all old friends with Wendy.
Have some respect, John.
What? It's true.
Why don't you shut the fuck up? Big trouble in little vagina, eh? Say something like that again.
Alright.
That's enough, John.
Piss off, Ben.
I don't need protecting.
I think you'd better leave.
Or else? That's enough, John.
Just finish your drink and go.
Cunt.
I'm sorry about that.
Another one, please.
That were impressive.
Here, let me get that.
No, thanks.
I don't think we should be doing this.
This is Mum's room.
These are Mum's things.
Why not? We don't know anything about her.
Look, we just need her to sign that letter, and she can go.
Has anyone seen my tablets? What tablets? They were in my room.
Have you seen them? No.
What they for? They're hormone tablets.
Gimme your money.
No.
Give me your money, now.
Money.
Mia.
Will you drive us to the butcher's later? What for? Need to take the pig to slaughter.
"Touch yourself.
" I can't not here.
"Go on.
Touch those big titties.
" No.
Can I see you later? "Why.
" "Are you horny?" Maybe.
It's Ryan's school, saying he's been nicking off again.
I thought you were supposed to be our guardian? Ryan.
You OK? How was school? Just leave me alone.
What's going on? School have been on the phone.
If you keep nicking off, they will split us up.
Is that what you want? Talk to us then.
I've had enough of school.
I just want to stay here and help you lot.
But you can't.
You've got to go to school.
I never let school get in the way of my education.
You're not fucking helping.
Come on, Levi.
Heel.
Fucking animal.
Should be kept on a lead, just like its owner.
What's that.
What did she mean by that? I dunno.
Shit.
I'll drop you back off, then I'll have to nip out.
Whatever.
What happened? You forget about me? Something came up.
It won't happen again.
No It won't.
Nightclub owner.
Turned rat on a gambling syndicate his business partner set up.
He hasn't left home since squealing, so it'll have to be done there.
Has he got any kids? It's never bothered you before.
They have a funny effect on you, don't they? You sure that's what you want? No.
I'm not.
Let at her, mate.
See? Tits as big as your head.
What are you doing? Someone's gotta show him.
It's not like he's got a proper dad, is it? What would your mum think? Don't you dare talk about my mum! Aargh! Don't ever try anything like that again Ever.
What's going on? We've probably been cut off again.
We don't have any money to pay the bills.
See you, kids.
See ya.
Bye, Daddy.
Urgh! So what's the score with this Mia? She lived with us for a bit when me and Levi were little.
I don't remember no woman living with you.
Mum wanted her to look after us God knows why.
What's the matter, she giving you grief? She's doing my head in.
She thinks she can just take over the place.
We'll see about that.
What was your name when you were a boy? Ryan.
My name was Ryan.
Really?! Yes.
So Mum named me after you? Maybe.
I hope so.
I don't want anything to change.
If things didn't change there wouldn't be any butterflies.
Anything with a jaw can be knocked out.
Cows, pigs, horses.
Anything.
But I like animals and they can't hit you back.
It's not really about the animal.
It's the power of the punch.
Watch me.
Keep balanced.
The body in position with the target.
You need to be able to shift your weight quickly.
Come on.
Yeah, there you go.
Hands up! Nice one.
What are you doing here? I own this place.
Wendy hasn't paid her rent in a long time and I want my money.
How can she have? She was ill.
I should kick your head in! I'd like to see you try, kid.
Can you kick Aaron's head in as well, Levi? I won't ask you again, Mia.
I want my money.
You didn't ask me the first time.
Don't get clever with me.
You're just like Wendy.
Snakes with tits, both of ya.
I already warned you about bad-mouthing her.
I mean what I say.
Otherwise I'll fuck you up.
And the kids.
I've got your money.
Urgh! Dad?! Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! Hit him.
Go on! Hit him!! Now fuck off and leave us alone.
Not here to protect you now, is she? You can't do this! It's our home! Just sign the papers and fuck off! Levi Freak.
Do you wanna go for a drink sometime? Yeah.
I've signed the forms but I'm not going anywhere.
Don't mess us about, Mia.
I mean it.
I'm not selling to you.
This isn't over.