I Didn't Do It (2014) s01e01 Episode Script

Lindy? Logan? You and your friends had a party while we were gone?! Do you have any idea how upset we are? Would pizza make it better? You know, you don't need me here.
This seems like more of a family issue.
Oh, we can make it a family issue, Jasmine.
Your Mom's on speed dial.
As well she should be.
- We'll get to the party - And my ruined couch And why a goat is eating your Mother's wedding dress But mostly we're concerned about your 91-year-old babysitter.
What happened to Mrs.
Klasby? - I didn't do it! - I didn't do it! Know that you're doing just fine.
Because this is the time of our lives.
Well? We're waiting.
They're waiting! I know, right? It - It totally looks like we're stalling - Yeah.
- But we're so not stalling.
- No.
- Hey, Mom, is that a new sweater? - Hey, look, a bullhorn! Love you.
Focus! Mrs.
Klasby! Yeah.
Crabby older lady in the hot tub.
Even prunier than usual.
Someone start talking.
Other than the goat! Fine.
You know how our whole lives you've always made us share everything because we're twins? We're tired of sharing everything! So isn't this all kinda like your fault for having us? - Yeah, I think you're missing the point.
- Your Mother's right.
- Whose cat was that? - One story at a time, Bob.
Right.
- So we find this adorable tabby cat - Mrs.
Klasby! It all started on a day that should have been really great.
Finally! High school! A place big enough we'll never have to run into each other.
Yeah, the only thing we'll have to share is our last name, a ride home, and that birthmark we both have shaped like Finland.
Really? That's all you share? Not your friends? I find that very hurtful.
Oh, right! We share you guys.
Yeah, I'll take Garrett, you can have Jasmine, and we'll, uh, trade off Delia every other week.
Don't talk about me like I'm a puppy.
Oh, it's okay! Let's just go.
Let's go to class! Come on! Careful.
She bites sometimes.
See you at graduation.
I'll be the one everyone's begging to sign their yearbook.
I'll be the one graduating.
- Buh-bye.
- So long.
- You've got to be kidding me! - What?! Are you serious?! - We're locker mates? - This is Mom's womb all over again! I'm just gonna go to English early.
Wait, English? Don't say Mrs.
Braxton.
Oh! Yeah, Mrs.
Braxton! And you know I hate it when you touch me! I do.
Yes, I do! Yes, I do! Yes, I do! It's the first day of school, and I'm already falling behind.
What? How? We've only had two classes and no homework.
I'm talking about boys.
I've hardly met any new ones.
Would you give yourself a break, Jasmine? I mean, what did you expect, that you'd instantly be surrounded by a crowd of cute guys? Yes, yes, I did.
Hey, where's Delia? I thought she was going to meet us.
Uh, what was that about? Oh, I made some new friends in the theater department.
She's already got four? I am so behind! Oh, would you stop, Jasmine? There is so much more to school than boys.
I mean, really.
I want to run for student council, try out for gymnastics, and become Mrs.
that guy.
Who is that guy? That's Seth Wall.
Senior.
Quarterback.
Voted cutest boy in the world by anyone with eyeballs.
Hey.
I have got to find a way to get close to Seth Wall! Oh! Gotta get to class.
Boys! So you have a crush on a senior, and you have your own backup dancers? Okay, yeah, that completely explains what happened to the house and Mrs.
Klasby.
You're gonna have to catch me up, hon, because I'm not seeing it.
And I think we've lost track of the goat.
- I'll go look.
- I'll go to Mexico.
Sit down! Not on the pizza stain! Oh! I can fix that.
You never said "no python".
Or "no goat".
I don't think we've done anything wrong here.
Finish the story.
Fine.
Garrett and I were facing a life-changing decision.
Our entire high school future depends on where we sit during lunch.
I mean, come on! This is our time to shine.
Just put on your best "'sup?" Face.
'Sup? - What's up? - 'Sup? 'Sup? Is my "'sup?" Face crooked? It feels crooked.
A little bit.
Tilt your head.
'Sup? 'Sup? 'Sup? Yo, check it.
That dude over there Seth Wall.
He owns this place.
If we hang with him, our next four years are golden.
But we're freshmen.
We can't just go up to a senior like we're people.
I got this.
Hey, Seth.
Logan Watson.
Big fan.
- Mind if we join you? - Freshmen, right? No, I told him we weren't people! Hey, guys, nothing personal, but you see that table over there underneath the vents where all the stuff falls out on the food trays? That's where freshmen sit.
I get you, bro, but We're not like ordinary, under-the-vent kinda freshmen.
No, we're special.
I will not stand for this.
I must make my mark.
I've got to find a way to get tight with Seth Wall.
Uh, I think I just ate insulation.
Your Mom and I have to go out of town for work this weekend.
It's okay to have the gang over, but here are the rules.
Listen carefully.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
Wait a minute.
Big house, subtract parents Add all my friends, multiply it by the power of my blue sequin jacket Divide by PI.
Oh, right, we'll need pizza.
That's it! - Party equals Seth Wall! - Party equals Seth Wall! - Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Hmm? So you're both clear on the plan for this weekend? - Totally! - Got it! - What are you doing?! - What are you doing?! Setting up for my party tonight.
What? You can't have a party.
I'm having a party.
I'm not sharing this with you! I've shared every party of my life with you.
Oh, you think I liked having a Princess Patty pony party every other year? You're not going anywhere near Loganfest.
It's called Lindy-palooza.
No, it is called - Mrs.
Klasby! - That's a horrible name! What are you doing here? Your parentals hired me to keep you two dork-nozzles from acting the fool.
It's too late! Uh, aren't you a little old to babysit? Mos' def.
I'm just here for the cable TV and the massage chair.
And that popcorn.
Ooh! Buttered.
Well, this stinks! Half the school's on their way to our house.
Logan, we have to figure this out together.
Agreed.
Okay, let's go in there and convince Klasby to let you have your party.
Uh, it's our party! Fine, but I better not see one Princess, one Patty, or one pony! Mrs.
Klasby, before you say anything, keep an open mind.
Because this is your chance to be the best babysitter ever! Mrs.
Klasby? Mrs.
Klasby? Mrs.
Klasby?! Is she Old? Logan, I think she might be One more than old.
But nothing's one more than Oh! How could this have happened?! Two minutes ago she was fine! It's the circle of life or not life.
Mrs.
Klasby! Okay, we have to call emergency services right now, and we've gotta cancel the party.
Absolutely, and that is just what we're gonna do.
Unless we don't.
Excuse me? Okay, all right, this is sad, but what's the opposite of sad? Happy! And what makes people happy? A party.
And we we all know Mrs.
Klasby loved to party! So don't think about this as our party.
Think of this as a tribute to Mrs.
Klasby.
Are you out of your mind? Not at all! I mean, it's the perfect way to honor her.
We call it Logan-Lindy- fest-Klasby-palooza.
Oh, my gosh! Mrs.
Klasby's gone.
I mean, she's gone! Exactly! Exactly.
So what's the rush to call someone? I mean, it's not like she's going anywhere.
- Well, that's true.
- Yeah.
What's the difference if No, okay? No, no, no, no, no! And if I was not clear enough, no! We have no choice.
We have to call emergency services, and we're canceling the party.
Too late.
So you thought Mrs.
Klasby had passed on, and yet you still went ahead with the party? We prefer the term "celebration of life".
What up, y'all? Deejay Eddie Y.
Dropping beats! And while we're dropping beats We may want to pick up some coasters.
Water rings, people.
Yo.
Man, when I thought about picking up a lady at this party, this is not how I saw it going.
Shh! Emergency services said it would be a while, but there's nothing they can do anyway.
Yeah, that's what I said, but whenever I have an idea, you make it sound like I'm stupid.
Logan! Mrs.
Klasby! We are so sorry! This is awful! On the bright side, would have been a lot worse if Mom had done the laundry.
So now what do we do?! Okay, we stay calm, go upstairs, join the party And try to keep the body count down.
I wonder if my boy Seth Wall is here yet.
Wait Seth Wall? I'm having my party for Seth Wall.
What? No, the whole point of my party is to impress Seth Wall.
Look, I'm not sharing him with you.
You realize we're fighting over a dude, right? Some jerk-face spilled smoothie on your Mom's favorite quilt! Don't worry, I can get the stain out.
You're the jerk-face, aren't ya? Affirmative.
Oh, also, Seth Wall just pulled up.
Don't forget to put fabric softener in! Mrs.
Klasby? What are you doing in the laundry bin? No clue.
I'm 91 years old.
I get mad tired! One minute I'm up, and the next minute I'm I'm so glad you were free tonight, Billy.
I hate showing up to these things without a date.
Every party is better with a goat.
Hey, Delia, do you know where the coats go? - Upstairs.
- Great, you're the best.
Um, wait, no.
No.
Ow! Ow! There's a zipper! There's a zipper on my face! Hey, girl.
Great music.
It's cool that you're droppin' oldies! - Logan dropped her, not me.
- Shh! - What? - Nothing! Where's Seth Wall? He got stuck signing autographs on the front porch.
Score! This is so cool, Lindy! You got him to show up.
Foam party! This is awesome! You ordered a foam machine? No, I thought you did.
Good news I fixed your washing machine.
Bad news you need someone to fix your washing machine.
Woo-hoo! Way to ride the wave, Mrs.
K! - Mrs.
K.
?! - Mrs.
K.
?! What are you guys doing with her? She's I know! Mad tired, right? I just talked to her in the basement.
- Huh? - Huh? Yeah, she says one minute she's up, the next minute she's Are you sure she was? You definitely heard her? Yes, I think I know what means.
She's alive! Told you we had nothing to worry about.
There's some guy at the door threatening to call the cops and shut down the party if he doesn't talk to the chaperone.
- Deputy Doug?! - Deputy Doug?! Why did you hide Mrs.
Klasby from Doug? You could have just told him she was asleep.
That would have been the mature decision.
If we were mature, would we be having this conversation? - Doug's looking around.
- He's gonna wanna talk to Mrs.
Klasby.
Everybody just stay calm.
Ah! All right, okay, you guys hide Klasby, I'll handle Doug.
Okay.
Let's go.
Hey! It's Doug, the neighborhood watchdog! I see they let you off your leash.
Don't sass me, Watson.
I'm fresh off of three Sundays of taser training and day lying in bed doing this - Where are your parents? - They're out of town.
Who's the adult in charge? Well, I got pit hair now, so you're talking to him.
Fine, it's Mrs.
Klasby.
Klasby? She used to babysit me.
Made me rub her feet.
She'd never let you have a party.
Let me speak to her.
Sure! Uh, she's on the patio.
We keep it over there, far away from the inside of the house.
All right, clear a path.
I have space issues! And taser ones! Back off! Put her in the bedroom! Go! Go! Hurry! Lindy.
I've been looking for you.
You know my name? Yeah.
Aren't you Lindy-palooza? I am now.
You seem really cool.
Can you say that again? Because I've heard it in my head before but, it sounds totally different when it comes out of your mouth.
Okay, that wasn't very cool.
You seem really cool.
Listen, I'm headed to see a friend's band play, you want to come with us? You mean me? With you? That sounds so good, Seth Wall.
That's it, Watson! I'm calling the cops.
No, no, no, no.
Stop.
Stop.
Lindy, please! But I have to help my brother and my friends right now.
I'm really sorry.
Seriously? A bunch of freshmen and your lame brother, or Seth Wall? It doesn't sound like much of a choice.
You know, you're right.
I don't know what I was thinking.
It's not a choice at all.
No one calls my brother lame.
And for the record, he's a better guy than you'll ever be.
See ya, Seth Wall.
You were watching that? You are so lame! I feel like she's looking at me.
Can someone turn her around? Delia, are you okay? No, I'm not okay.
Oh, you mean the coats and whoever this is? Yeah, I'm fine.
There's no Klasby.
This is an unsupervised party.
I'm calling the cops.
Oh, come on! Can't we work something out? You like goats? Of course.
Every party's better with a goat.
This is Doug Peterman, Evanston neighborhood watch.
Hey! What do you want, you pathetic mall cop reject?! Don't you have anything better to do on a Friday night than bust some teenagers' party? Get a life! I see she hasn't mellowed with age.
It's just that some of the neighbors complained about the noise, so I thought I'd come Don't get your boxers in a bunch, bullhorn boy! Ow? I'll deal with it.
Ah-choo! Now beat it before I add one of your teeth to my collection! I can show myself out.
Yes! Yes! Guys, that was amazing.
I can't believe we pulled that off! We did, and we'd do it again in a heartbeat, which, thankfully, Mrs.
Klasby now has.
Guys, you were awesome! Okay, of all the great memories we've made since we started high school Monday, this is the best! All right, come on.
Group shot.
Where'd I leave my bullhorn? Mrs.
Klasby! Marco! Polo! Wait a minute.
Wait.
None of this explains what a 6-foot python was doing in the couch.
This is the perfect place for her to lay her eggs.
Come on, guys.
I'm gonna walk these two home and give them a good, stern talking to.
Kids.
Am I right? We're still calling your parents, Jasmine.
Understood.
Bob, let's go get Mrs.
Klasby up.
We gotta get her out of that tub.
Okay.
Thanks, by the way.
For what? You know, for not bailing on me to leave with Seth, and for telling him I'm a great guy.
Do you really feel that way? Logan, of course.
No matter what, you're still my twin brother.
Uh, you're actually letting me touch you.
We're hugging! - No, we're not.
It's a take down! - What?! Aah! Logan! You are so lame.
Mrs.
Klasby, please wake up.
Any luck? - She's totally out.
- She looks so relaxed.
You know, we should use this hot tub more.
You wanna hop right in, or you wanna get the old lady out first? She is breathing, right? - Yah! - Oh! Oh! Will somebody tell me why I am soaking wet? I stink like a goat! My girdle's full of foam! And why do I feel like I've been dropped down the stairs and tossed out of a window?! - I didn't do it! - I didn't do it! I posted the selfie of us and Mrs.
K.
online.
We are blowing up.
Look at the comments.
Huh.
"Epic party.
Best night ever!" "Lindy and Logan rule".
"Dork-nozzles"? - Oh, that one's Mrs.
Klasby.
- Yeah.
We are so legendary.
We're going to get invited to every party! Yeah, too bad we're grounded for the next six weeks.
My parents kept me in the basement once, too.
Delia, we're allowed to go upstairs.
Oh yeah, so was I.
Well, we're not going to any parties without you guys.
Aw! You know what? Grounded or not, we're really lucky to have you guys as our friends.
- So cheesy.
- I think it's sweet.
No, this cushion, it's full of cheese, who doesn't stain guard linen? Alright let me be the first to say that I'll hang out the whole six weeks if I have to.
You'd do that for us? Are you kidding I'd get to play with all the baby snakes that are crawling out of the couch.
Friday JaNEWary 17th Who's brilliant idea was this again? Is the premiere of "I didn't do it".
You had a party while we were gone? Someone start talking.
Other than the goat.
Meet five best friends on the ride of their lives.
Hurry, shut it off! - I didn't do it! - I didn't do it! Be here for the premiere of "I didn't do it".
- You've always been best friends.
- Who knew it would catch on? Premiers Friday January 17th.
Right after Cloud 9, on Disney Channel.