I'm Quitting Heroing (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Hey, you listenin' to me?!
Don't work yourself to death!
If it hurts too much, get yourself the hell elsewhere!
Live your life the way you want!
I will.
Never would've guessed I'd be coming back here.
Enter.
There they are
The Demon Queen Echidna,
and the Four Great Generals!
It's all right. They haven't seen through my disguise.
Keep going, get even closer
Closer, now
'Tis I, former Hero Leo Demonhart!
I'm here to interview for a position
in the Demon Queen's army!
I'm a skilled swordsman and have mastered all
arcane schools of magic, including black magic!
I've even defeated the Demon Queen
Echidna herself in single combat!
I am ready and raring to fight for your cause!
And I'm well aware of your army's current situation:
your extreme lacking of numbers has
made recovery nigh-impossible!
How do I know this? Because I was
the one who decimated your army!
But let's forget the past,
and instead, focus on the future!
The time has come to set off towards
a brighter, more hopeful tomorrow!
Together, let us bring ruin to those foolish humans
and create a glorious Demon Kingdom
to last a millennia!
That is why I want to be hired to join your army!
Nailed it. I've got this job in the bag.
Are you stupid?!
Why the HELL would we hire YOU?!
If you hire me, you'll have an asset
that's incredibly powerful--
I'll make you the greatest Demon Queen there ever was!
Why are you still talking?!
I'll help you rapidly expand your workfo--
Shut up!
Under my leadership, performance will skyrocket, and--
Die!
I'll bring you tea, do all your photocopies!
I'll clean the bathroom!
And if you hire me in the next twenty minutes
you'll receive a brand-new
I'd like to take a minute to explain
a bit more about myself.
One year ago, the Demon Army,
under the leadership of Queen Echidna,
descended upon the human world in a surprise invasion.
His Majesty the King gave me a mission
to destroy the Demon Army.
As such, I gathered a party of elite heroes
and set out from the Capital at once.
There was just one problem.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm really powerful.
I'm a Royal Knight. I've mastered every weapon
known to man, not to mention sorcery.
And to be totally honest,
my party members just got in my way.
I had a mage who refused to learn
anything that wasn't a healing spell,
a meathead soldier who didn't know jack about magic,
and an archer who was straight-up useless
when enemies got too close.
Still, I forged trusting bonds with that dead weight,
used the powers of teamwork and
friendship to take down enemies,
and watched them fight about room
assignments every time we stopped at an inn
It was so stupid!
In the time I wasted with them,
I could've saved the world five times over!
Get Hired! Interview Tips and Tricks
So in the end, I set off by myself,
defeated Queen Echidna by myself,
and decimated the Demon Army by myself!
That's how freakin' powerful I am!
There's literally no reason for her not to hire me!
Master Leo, perhaps you weren't given an offer
because she dislikes your demeanor.
But I've turned over a new leaf!
Yeah! He's a totally new leaf!
Quiet down, Lily. Stop jumping.
There's literally no reason for her not to hire him!
Oh, let her be, Mernes.
Lily's just happy to see him again.
I know it's late to be realizing this,
but you've got a real COLORFUL group here.
If you have a topic to discuss,
then come out with it already.
If Queen Echidna found out we were meeting with you,
she'd burn the castle to the ground.
And we're only meeting with you because
even AFTER you were thrown out,
you came back and forced our hand!
All right. Let me start with a little presentation, then.
A present?
I'd like to remind each of you just how powerful I am.
And why are you doing this?
I'll admit that my demeanor can be problematic at times.
Even so, the fact that I possessed the strength
to defeat all four of you on my own
should be enough to immediately
qualify me for the position.
By reminding each of you of
the circumstances of your defeat,
I hope to gain your vote of approval.
What?!
I see! I most certainly can vouch for your skill.
It'd been far too long since someone
bested me in a fair, honest duel!
Why are you LAUGHING about it?!
Come, now, crossing swords with
a powerful opponent is a delight!
Wouldn't you agree, Master Leo?
The first of the Four Generals I fought was this one here,
Edvard, "The Red Roar", the Dragon General.
In terms of raw stats, he was
the toughest one out of the bunch.
Dragonfolk and their draconic scales
are ridiculously strong.
If I'd had to fight him just with a sword,
who knows how that might've gone.
Luckily for me, he's the kind of idiot--
Er, NOBLE WARRIOR who charges in to attack
by himself, so the fight was way easier.
Good grog!
I've a question for you, actually.
Why do you serve Queen Echidna, anyway?
You're powerful enough to try
and take over the world yourself.
Why, you ask?
Honestly, I've never given it proper thought.
But I guess it's 'cause I want to live the life of
a proper swordsman, dueling worthy opponents.
Besides
Rulin' the land's a busy job.
I wouldn't get to spend as much time
with my daughter Julietta.
I couldn't bear it, no sir!
You've got a daughter
I actually feel quite bad for you.
What? Why?
If you journeyed alone, then you must not have
any friends with whom to spend your time.
Please, you're one to talk, Mernes.
I'm one hundred percent sure
you don't have any friends, either.
After I defeated Edvard, I fought this guy here:
Mernes, "The Unseen Blade," the Shadowless General.
He's a purportedly "deadly" young half-demon
who was once with the Assasins' Guild.
I say "purportedly", but when I fought him,
his speed and strength were unmatched.
Five more minutes and he might've bested me,
but unfortunately for him, I hadn't gone in there
to try and beat him in a contest of speed.
I defended myself while casting an AOE spell,
Crimson Comet, to blow him away,
but the spell ended up destroying everything
in its radius, so both Mernes AND the church.
And honestly, I had a rougher time with the fight
AFTER I'd defeated him.
Apparently the blast was so big, it took out
one of the town's protected historical sites.
What happened after that fight you had with
the townspeople? Did you ever pay them ba--
La la la, I can't hear you! You'll have to speak up!
I can't hear ya! You'll have to speak up!
Lily, I'm sorry, but
Hey, Leo! Did I sound like you? Did I?
After Mernes came THIS surprise.
Lily, "The Ruthless Fang," the Beast General.
The way we met was completely ridiculous.
I took shelter from the rain under a tree,
and when I looked to the side,
she was THERE, standing next to me.
Apparently, she had amnesia, no family,
no friends, and nowhere to go.
I wasn't about to leave a little kid out there by
themselves, so I took care of her for a few days.
But when she finally remembered who she was,
she said she's the Beast General Lily. Great.
I'd have to fight her eventually, so I sucked it up
and fought her, and won, of course.
Pretty, uh, easily
Later, I'd learn that her tribe believes that
if someone strong defeats you in combat,
they're the person you're destined to be with.
Why'd this have to happen to me?
Hey, Leo! When're you gonna marry me? C'mon, marry me!
I'll marry you when you're just a little older, sweetie.
I don't wanna wait! I wanna marry you now! Right now!
The last of the Four I fought was Shutina,
"The Almighty Mage," the Sorcerer General.
Rumors told that she possessed far
greater pools of mana than other succubi,
and had mastered all types of sorceries,
including ancient and accursed.
Knowing that, I started our battle with the AOE spell
Stasis, which prevents casting altogether,
and challenged her in physical combat.
She was embarrassingly weak.
After two minutes of light combat,
you started sobbing for mercy. It's kinda sad, really.
I'm a mage! Of COURSE I'm no match
for a hero in hand-to-hand combat!
Sure, but a real professional would have a Plan B.
How am I supposed to have a Plan B
for someone who can nullify all my spells?!
There literally isn't anyone in the world who
can do that the split second they walk up!
Except there is: me.
Forget that! What is all this about, anyway?!
I told you I was gonna give you a presentation.
I'll admit, I did want to hear how
he defeated the rest of you.
It all happened so fast.
Yes, agreed!
I wanted to hear, too!
And you were by far the most
useless of all of us, Shutina.
Yes, agreed!
Poor Shutina!
Will you just get to the point already?!
Why did you, a HERO, come to interview
for a job with the Demon Army?
That's what I want to know!
Why do you even WANT to join the Demon Army?!
I didn't come here to mess with you.
I'll answer your question.
I'll tell you why I left my life of
fighting the Demon Army behind
and why I decided to defect and
join the other side after so long.
So listen up.
After defeating you Four and Echnida herself,
I returned to Renailles, the Capital.
But I wasn't greeted by throngs of cheering citizens,
or presented with a royal reward.
Instead, I was met with long stares and
sharp glares of shock, fear, and skepticism.
Are we sure he's human?!
No, he's a monster in human skin!
Oh, shit!
Fear and worry spread like wildfire.
There was no stopping it.
Word spread via letter, messenger pigeon,
magic sending, and posters:
"The Hero Leo is a danger to us all."
We cannot allow that man to wander free
through our fields and streets!
We must ensure he never wreaks destruction upon us
by putting an end to that man--no, that MONSTER!
He's right! Kill him!
The new demon on the chopping block was me.
That was what humanity came to believe.
The following days, I was accosted
by a group of assassins.
I couldn't believe they were that stupid!
I took out the Demon Queen all by myself!
Did they really think I'd let some
half-rate assassins do me in?!
Some time after that, I was called to
the palace to speak with the King.
It was your actions that kept the Philosopher's Stone
safe, and for that, I thank you.
It pains me to make this decree,
but as the kingdom's protector, I cannot turn
a blind eye to the concerns of my people.
Great Hero Leo,
I hereby banish you from our lands.
Very well.
Never forget, though,
that I have the utmost trust in your goodwill.
Why did I risk my life to protect this rotten world?
Why did I fight tooth and nail against the Demon Army?
Everything was suddenly so meaningless.
I never had a home or put down roots,
so I had nowhere to go.
All I could do was wander aimlessly
from village to village.
Then, one day
Did you hear what the Demon Army's doing?
Yeah, they're hiring, right? Can you believe it?
They're actually trying to do it again, after getting
their asses handed to them by that hero.
You'd think they learned their lesson.
That Demon Queen Echidna isn't
the sharpest tool in the shed, is she?
Echidna
Sure isn't. Only a matter of time
before we stop hearin' about her.
Yep.
Echidna
What happened to that thing'a yours?
I don't know why
But I came to the conclusion that
the only person who'd be willing to take me in
was the Demon Army themselves.
So I stayed up all night working on my spiel,
putting together a fancy presentation,
then crossed the endless sands,
scaled the treacherous mountains,
all to end up here.
If the world is hellbent on killing me,
then I'll have to kill them first.
And that's why I want to work for you.
Very well, Leo the Hero.
You poor, pitiful soul, who now knows
he used and protected the wrong people.
I sense no falsehoods nor trickery
behind your reasons to join with us.
I believe you are genuine.
Thank you, Sorcerer General Shutina.
I've definitely gotten over a big hurdle here.
However
You will be hired for a one-month trial period!
I'll be your manager for that period,
and will evaluate your worthiness!
I expect you to produce results during
your trial period, understood?
And if those results are unsatisfactory?
Then you'll be thrown out!
I'll work hard. I'm pretty done with roughing it out there.
And you must not let Queen Echidna
know we've hired you at all.
Use a magic item or spell to keep
yourself disguised at all times.
You got it. So, are there any issues
you've been dealing with as of late?
Our top priorities are bolstering our ranks,
repairing the castle, and procuring weapons.
After that, there's budgeting, improving
employee benefits, and providing counseling
We also need to perform maintenance on
the mana reactors, train any new recruits
Rebuilding an army is a lot of work!
And not just for Shutina!
I've got a lotta work to do, too, y'know!
Stop jumping, Lily.
I've been helping with loj lojistics?
Like, getting supplies and stuff,
and it's been really hard!
There's SO much I gotta do!
What? You can't be serious!
You know logistics are
the most VITAL part of any
That's right! It's the most vital,
and they asked ME to do it!
Isn't that cool? It's SO cool!
Sheesh, it's even worse than I thought.
Whoa! Watch it!
This is all YOUR fault!
Calm down there, Shutina.
You've gotta admit, it'll be a relief
to have Master Leo on our side.
I suppose, but still
C'mon!
Very well. I can be calm. I'm calm, yes
Let's let bygones be bygones!
Glad to have ya, Master Leo!
Glad to have ya!
Same here. Thanks, Edvard and Lily.
Hey, Mernes. You good? I'm looking
forward to working with you, too.
Leo the Hero.
If you are able to produce worthy
results during this trial period,
we will not cheapen your efforts
by bringing you in as an 'unpaid intern'.
We, the Four Great Generals, will recommend
to Queen Echidna that you be hired officially.
I won't let you down, I promise.
They're in dire need of people, especially those
who know how to manage an organization.
Then those bolstered ranks need training.
There's a mountain of tasks on the table.
They're essentially rebuilding from zero.
They're not just struggling,
they're on the brink of closing up shop.
But that's exactly why I want need to talk to Echidna,
and ask her the question I've been
pondering since that fateful day.
What are you doing?!
Q-Queen Echidna!
You heard my orders!
Yes, this is an invasion, but we must
avoid killing whenever possible!
Any territory we occupy must be ruled peacefully!
She forbids indiscriminate killing.
What cause is so important that
she would cripple her army with such a ruling?
Why does she still refuse to leave
the human world despite her utter defeat?
I need to ask you these questions and more.
Live your life the way you want!
Just you watch, Echidna. I'll be a part
of your army before you know it.
And this is the story of how I did just that.
My Next
Interview's
at the
Demon
Queen's
Palace!
Live, live on, with all your might
Follow the light to the future
Betrayed and left behind in this lonely world
Fearing a tomorrow I've lost sight of
I search for the place I belong
My heart screams out, "I want to be needed"
I want to puzzle out these entwined identities, but can I trust them?
Live, live on, with all your might
Follow the light to the future
Even if you lose everything
Stay connected to hope
I don't know why I'm here
But that's all right with me right now
I have to overcome and press on
So I can smile with you again
Next Time:
Strive to Ease
the Burden on
Your Future Self!