In My Skin (2018) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1
This programme contains very strong
language and some scenes which
font color="#
A seagull flew in and landed,
gold shimmer on her wings.
Bird in me roaming freely.
This is love.
Then seagull flies away,
gone for every day.
This is love.
So, is she in love with a seagull?
Well, it's a metaphor, obviously.
Right.
Have you been in love before?
I don't know.
Just be honest.
Give us something real, bit of grit.
Whatwhat part?
Right, I've got a bowl of soup
in th
See you in a bit.
What did she say, then?
Come on, tell me.
She loved it.
Did she actually?
Yeah.
Well, a little bending of the truth
never hurt anyone, did it?
What?
Don't pull me like that, you dick.
Well, get up, then!
Wasn't ready.
Right. This is what you've got to
do. Don't hit her.
OK, so you've got your bare
feet on the grass
and then you've got to just let the
negative charges run down into the
font colo
Trav? Yeah.
I'm not signing your petition.
Why?
Because it's made up shit!
It's not! Scientists have done
We're making ourselves sick with
these rubber soles, separating us
font color="
I signed it, but you owe me because
Mrs Blocker caught me with my phone
font colo
"Is that phone more interesting than
me?" You know the face she does.
"Is that phone more interesting than
me?" This is so good.
"Cos if it is,
by all means, get out." One!
Have you seen it when she wears the
drawstring bag? Oh, my Go
It looks like, like, a fly
on an elephant's back.
You're such a dick. Ew! It went out
your nostrils and all./
You're a dick.
Oh, my God.
What's Poppy doing
with Lorraine Chapman?
I'll tell you this for nothing,
Poppy is a CUNT!
Shut up.
Right, Lorraine was in the
newspaper, and now Poppy wants to be
font color="#00f
Yeah. So, she's transparent.
Lorraine Chapman had sex
with a frozen sausage.
I thought she was taking chemistry
A-level two years early.
So? She's still fuck a sausage.
You haven't heard the best bit.
Apparently, it snapped inside her.
Oh! I know. font c
How fucking long was the sausage?
Right, fuck this,
this is boring now.
Right, bitches, take it.
Oh, not again.
What's in this? Lyds, why do you
have to take it that one st
Alprazolam is a form of
benzodiazepine. What do you want, a
Come on. OK.
See you on the other side.
Right then, boys. Yeah!
MUSIC: Hallelujah
# 13 days since you left me
wondering what it all meant
# Was I just something for
the moment?
# 21 questions weighing on my brain
# I wanna dance
till I'm drunk on the feeling
# Dance like it's my #
Oh, no. My God.
# ..my first time
# I wanna dance till I
speed up the healing
# Get up, shake it till I find
# Somebody like you. #
I just like it
when it's just the three of us.
Yeah.
In the summer, my parents have got a
house in Italy, we should go.
Imagine.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, I could get a tan.
Oh, oh, there we go. There it goes.
I'm going to go. Will you get her
home? OK, yeah. fo
Bye, love you. Bye, Lydia.
Lydia!
Drugs are for mugs.
Some crusty old dick said that.
But I'm inclined to agree.
STAIR CREAKS
Fuck's sake.
CAR HORN BLARING
LOUD MUSIC OUTSIDE
Dad?
Dad! What are you doing?
It's Mum! She is out in the road.
Leave the mad bitch out there.
Mum, come in the house.
Come on.
Look at the neighbours.
Mum, you're freezing.
Just come in and have a cup of tea.
font color="#ffffff"
Mum. Mum!
Come on. You've got to go and see
your uncle Dai. He knows a
Please, will you just put this on?
Your father's brother Dai, he knows.
He knows.
# How does it feel
to treat me like you do?
# When you lay
your hands upon me. #
Hey! Shut up, will you!
Sorry, love.
Come down and join us,
why don't you?
You're waking people up.
You want to deliver my pies or what?
I can deliver your pies.
Not a bother. Twats!
# Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. #
Please, Mum!
Please, Mum.
Please, will you just come with me?
Why do you look so scared?
I'm the strongest woman in
the world.
MUSIC: Blue Monday by New Order
# To say what I need to say
# But I'm quite sure that
you'll tell me
# Just how I should feel today #
OK.
I've got you really
tight, all right?
Come on.
You're going to be fine, yeah?
Come on, come on. Right.
We're just going to sit
in this room, all right?
OK, come on.
Come on over here.
You can rest your legs, look.
There you go. Pull your nightie
down. There you go.
Excuse me, sorry to bother you, erm,
is there a doctor on duty?
My mum's not very well.
I'll get the senior nurse.
Jack!
Hiya, love.
I'm Nurse Digby. Who's this?
Mum, is it?
Yeah, it's my mum.
She's been here before.
She's got bipolar.
OK.
You on your own?
What's your name?
Come and dance with me, baby.
Mum, hang on a minute.
What's your name, love?
Trina Gwyndaf,
queen of the fucking world.
OK. Crisis team, please.
Why don't you take a seat here?
OK.
Absolutely hanging.
I feel like my brain
Oh, fish breath, turn
round, stop scribbling.
I've got something to tell you.
What?
I'm in so much shit.
My mother phoned the school.
Fuck.
Did she report us?
Oh, yeah, save your own skin.
Not like that. You know what I mean.
No, just me.
How does she even know?
She's been counting them,
apparently. It's like, get a life,
font color="#00ff
You're telling me,
I got up this morning to this.
Really some shit.
Here, let me see, let me see.
I want to see you when
I get back from work, Mum.
God. What's she going to do?
Jesus, I knew something like this
font color="#fff
Babe, don't worry,
it'll be fine, OK?
Right, a bit of hush, please?
First things first, gentle reminder,
you need to have your poems
in by 12 tomorrow.
I don't want to be in
the anthology, Miss.
Well, that's good, Priest,
because I highly doubt you will be.
Oh, my Godare you pregnant?
In your chair, Priest.
All right, don't shout.
It's compulsory that you all turn
one in, so, no excuses.
If you tell me your dog ate it,
you best bring the dog's stool
font color="#00f
Yeah, but Miss, if one of us wins,
do we actually get paid?
Or is this just slave labour?
The poem gets printed
in the anthology Ooh!
..that's your payment. OK.
Fame, and the respect of your pee
Yeah, I'd rather the money, thanks.
Enough lip, Gwyndaf.
Jane Eyre, page 45.
BELL RINGS
Loser.
Fuck off.
Yeah?
Why you dangling like the drip
who never dropped?
Can I show you this?
I wrote something
else after we spoke.
Thought you said
it was slave labour?
Well, I'm a wit, ain't I?
No jobs, no prospects.
In this green land of ours,
Mind your manners or your mam will
mind your knackers.
Black soot smeared face,
back broken with labour.
But still he can't afford a pint,
leccy off No light./fo
Did you read it all? No.
Oh. Is it OK?
It's not about OK, Bethan.
What? I know I said grit,
but I meant your grit.
Speak from your heart.
It's all I want.
That's art.
OK.
DOOR CLOSES
Hurry up, what are you doing?
Writing your diary? Uh, no./fo
I haven't done the biology homework.
I'm not waiting for you.
Fine, I'll be in now.
You run, I run, we all run.
Blind, deaf, dumb, the big dick
The big dick of society
blowing its
PHONE RINGS
Hiya, Nan.
Where's my girl?
I'm here.
Good. Well, I'm down the caravan.
I lost three games of bingo,
and now I just had a tikka pasty
that tasted like arseholes,
so that's £1.50 down the hoop.
And then
Nan. ..I turns my blower on
and sees you've been ringing my
dinger off the hook.
You know me, Beth,
I never looks at it Nan!
What? Hang on
What's the matter?
She's back in.
Ohfucking toot my chute.
Well, what have they said?
I don't know, yet.
I'm going down the hospital
after school.
Bethan, I can't get back today.
I've got no wheels.
Peg leg Roger brought
me down on the moped.
Well, it's fine,
it's not your fault, don't worry.
All right, love you loads.
Love you too.
All right, stay strong.
See you tomorrow.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Diabetes is approaching,
creeping up on you today.
We're doing ropes, Marine style!
Oh, Bethan Gwyndaf.
Answer me this, yeah?
If you can't be bothered
to get in here on time,
why should I, hmm?
No, really.
Give me one good reason.
Cos you're the one getting paid.
All right, enough.
You lot of trophy for turning up,
waste of oxygen, rats in my sewer
crawling around
Do you know, if any of you lot
had as much get up and go
as I've got in my little toe,
this country might have lower rates
of heart disease, and yet here I
font color="#
helping you all out,
you bunch of losers.
Stop it! Oh, I'm sorry.
Something funny, Travis Beams?
Cos heart disease
is no joke, my boy.
No, erm, Miss, it's just
Thought I saw a fly
SHE SNORTS
And what's funny about a fly, hmm?
HE EXHALES
Exactly.
Check your smiles
at the door, please.
Go.
Come on, knees up.
We're all slowly catching diabetes.
One, two, one, two.
Come on, you've got a grip
like wet spaghetti, girl.
It's ripping my skin off.
Snowflakes, the lot of you!
Come on!
Right, right, down you get.
Hang on, I can't
I'm going to fall
Now, who's next?
Oh, my God, babe?
What?
Gutted! Look, Auntie Flo's in town.
Beth, your minge is leaking.
All right. Priest, stop it!
You can go and get changed./font
Miss, you've got to sort that. I'm
not touching that rope.
I ain't touching nothing.
Oh, my God. Disgusting.
Are you OK? Disgusting.
Urgh, I can smell it as well.
Shut up, Priest. Beth, man.
That's embarrassing!
Oh, my God. She's got afternoon
school as well.
Beth, no-one's going
to remember tomorrow.
Priest has been calling me
Jam Rag Knickers all day.
What were you thinking?
It's PE 101 - always a fresh tampon.
Yeah, thanks for making
sure everyone noticed, by the way.
Babes, do you reckon
Blocher has a vibrator?
Yeah, sure.
I bet she's worn it down to a nub.
Don't want to go home, my mother's
going to bore my tits off with a
font color=
What tits? What would
you know about tits?
Can I come to yours?
Can't, Dad's tonight.
Cool, thanks for nothing.
Beth, hook me up, just for an hour?
I wish, I've been summoned
to my mother's study when I get in.
Fuck it!
Let's just run away.
You say that every day, babe.
We could just hitchhike,
wherever, seriously, I don't care.
Yeah, we'll go to the place
in Italy that Beth said.
Yeah, gladly! But for now my mother
wants rosemary, dickhead.
Message you in a bit?
I'll probably be dead. Love you!/font
Let's do it. I want a doughnut.
Yes, I want a doughnut./fon
Make it two. Are you actually going
to get a doughnut? /font
I need one And don't want
to feel guilty about it.
What is she doing?
What are you doing?
Buying veg. What are you doing,
prostituting yourself?
Whatever.
No school kids. What makes you think
I'm a school kid?/font
Oh, regular Ken Dodd, is it?
And you want two.
Out! Sorry, please can I just get
some rosemary for my mam?/
I'll leave my bag.
Make it quick.
Thanks.
Bag!
Sorry, just a few other bits.
Lychees. Yeah, I know.
Oh, you know, do you?
Why's your gob catching flies, then?
That's just my face.
My mother sent me a list,
she wants rosemary and lychees.
You're a liar, like every other teen
turd who comes in here trying
font color="
What are you calling
me a teen turd for?
Want to taste this, turd breath?
Quit fingering my goods, or I'll be
fingering you to the police?
Oh, yeah?
Why don't you go
and finger yourself?
You rotten
Before I knock you out!
Suck on them, you stupid old bat.
She's right, though.
I've been telling lies
since I was eight years old.
Gemma Jones came round my house
and saw my dad had a wardrobe full
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She laughed at me and then told
everyone at primary school.
I said she was lying and it
was her dad who had the pornos
and everyone believed me.
I did feel bad, though,
because her dad is quite nice,
whereas my dad is the maddest
bastard you will ever meet.
Oi!
Yeah?
Where's your mother?
Hospital.
I want to kill him.
HE RETCHES
Every morning, he coughs
his snot in the sink,
and I want to stab him in the back,
just take a knife and hack at him.
You shouldn't have done that.
She wasn't very well.
Get some chips.
BELL RINGS
Hiya, hiya, sorry.
I'm here to see Trina Gwyndaf.
Would you like to put your stuff
in the locker? Yeah, yeah./
All right, Mam? All right, love.
Thanks for coming in.
Of course. Come here.
You need to wash that, you've got
egg on it, or something.
Yeah, I will.
Nana's going to come in tomorrow.
She's been down the caravan. font color="#ffff0
That's nice. Yeah.
Nice weather for it.
You been all right today?
No, not really, Beth.
Sectioned now. That's it.
Yeah.
Locked ward.
Yeah.
What have you done to me?
I'm sorry, Mam.
I got you some pop, I did.
Stupid bitch!
See what you've done?
You've delivered me
in the eye of the storm here.
There's cameras everywhere!
Watching me.
Everything gets reported back.
They're not even nurses.
Yes, they are.
Some of them are, not all of them.
Been sucked in!
APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS
Trina. What's the matter?
OK, come out, Bethan.
Don't touch my daughter! Beth!
Behind me, now!
No-one's going to hurt her.
Put the chair down, Trina.
We're not going to hurt her
Touch my daughter and I'll kill you!
Will you come out? Step outside!
Step outside!
SHE SCREAMS
Sit! Help me, someone! font color="#00ff
Trina, you're in a safe place
SHE SCREAMS
We can help you, Trina.
SHE SCREAMS
Don't Don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me We won't.
Beth!
TV: Strengthening as we go through
the night, gale force gust
There will be further heavy rain,
it will move out of Scotland
and push into the north of England
and Wales overnight tonight.
A little bit quieter
in the south-east,
and not quite as cold,
but we start off tomorrow morning
w
It could be a pretty dismal
early morning rush-hour.
Now it'll still be windy
in Scotland, but if you look at the
font color="#00ff0
Do you want a drop of pop, Mam?
I told you I had a baby
girl who died?
She was prettier than you.
Breezy for all of us and eventually
we'll start to see more cloud
font color="#
Perhaps the rain arriving here
a little bit later on.
Charlotte Church is
the voice of an angel.
By 2007, she'd sold over
10 million records, worldwide.
Right.
That's amazing.
"THE ONE SHOW" THEME
Sorry, just got to send
a message on here.
Well, hello and welcome to a
brand-new week here on The One Show
font color="#00
And Matt Baker.
Now, if you were putting together
your list of dream dinner
party guests, well,
there are certain qualities
you'd want all of them
to share, aren't there?
Yes, well, I would say
they'd have to be funny.
Probably intelligent.
Well-informed
Charlotte Church's 2005 album,
Tissues and Issues,
sold more than 300,000 copies.
Please welcome Joanna
Lumley and Ian Hislop!
Where did he get the tux?
You happy with yourself?
Gas is off!
Guess what I did last night?
I don't know, waxed your fanny?
Shut up. We saw Chicago last night.
The musical?
Yeah, it's on in town.
I want to come. Me too!
What? My mother brought me a
brochure, I'll bring it in for you
font color="#ff
Apparently, right, in dance school,
what they do is they sit
on your thighs
so it tears all the muscle
All right, dykey? Give them here.
All right? All right, Priest?
Trying to ignore me, are you? No.
Last time I saw you,
I was licking you right up!
SHE LAUGHS
Shut up!
Fucking hell, when did
your tits get so big?
It's called puberty.
When did your mouth get so big?
Oh, you're fucking cheeky,
aren't you? Ooh! font co
Hi, Beth. What? Oh, hiya!
Did you see Ms Morgan's e-mail?
Oh, no, not yet, I've been eating.
I had a pasty.
Oh, my God, shut up. Have a look.
You've been selected
for the anthology.
What? I have?
Yeah, I just read it.
It's brilliant.
Seriously, you should
be really proud.
My God, that's amazing!
Well done, Beth!
Consmatulations, you fat bab.
HE LAUGHS
Bye, Priest. You're an ape.
You're ugly!
Maybe come and sit with me
in English?
Talk about "rate yourself", and Loz
Chapman, she fucked a sausage.
THEY SNOR
Here we go, Beth
"Please join me in congratulating
Bethan Gwyndaf who's been
font color="#ffff0
Blah, blah, blah, boring. All right.
"You are a bond,
the glue that binds
"The knot that ties
two warring sides
"Oil and water, these bricks
and mortar, the wrong daughter."
What the fuck? What?
Morgan laps that shit up.
I've got her eating out of this.
She fucking loves it!
THEY LAUGH
This programme contains very strong
language and some scenes which
font color="#
A seagull flew in and landed,
gold shimmer on her wings.
Bird in me roaming freely.
This is love.
Then seagull flies away,
gone for every day.
This is love.
So, is she in love with a seagull?
Well, it's a metaphor, obviously.
Right.
Have you been in love before?
I don't know.
Just be honest.
Give us something real, bit of grit.
Whatwhat part?
Right, I've got a bowl of soup
in th
See you in a bit.
What did she say, then?
Come on, tell me.
She loved it.
Did she actually?
Yeah.
Well, a little bending of the truth
never hurt anyone, did it?
What?
Don't pull me like that, you dick.
Well, get up, then!
Wasn't ready.
Right. This is what you've got to
do. Don't hit her.
OK, so you've got your bare
feet on the grass
and then you've got to just let the
negative charges run down into the
font colo
Trav? Yeah.
I'm not signing your petition.
Why?
Because it's made up shit!
It's not! Scientists have done
We're making ourselves sick with
these rubber soles, separating us
font color="
I signed it, but you owe me because
Mrs Blocker caught me with my phone
font colo
"Is that phone more interesting than
me?" You know the face she does.
"Is that phone more interesting than
me?" This is so good.
"Cos if it is,
by all means, get out." One!
Have you seen it when she wears the
drawstring bag? Oh, my Go
It looks like, like, a fly
on an elephant's back.
You're such a dick. Ew! It went out
your nostrils and all./
You're a dick.
Oh, my God.
What's Poppy doing
with Lorraine Chapman?
I'll tell you this for nothing,
Poppy is a CUNT!
Shut up.
Right, Lorraine was in the
newspaper, and now Poppy wants to be
font color="#00f
Yeah. So, she's transparent.
Lorraine Chapman had sex
with a frozen sausage.
I thought she was taking chemistry
A-level two years early.
So? She's still fuck a sausage.
You haven't heard the best bit.
Apparently, it snapped inside her.
Oh! I know. font c
How fucking long was the sausage?
Right, fuck this,
this is boring now.
Right, bitches, take it.
Oh, not again.
What's in this? Lyds, why do you
have to take it that one st
Alprazolam is a form of
benzodiazepine. What do you want, a
Come on. OK.
See you on the other side.
Right then, boys. Yeah!
MUSIC: Hallelujah
# 13 days since you left me
wondering what it all meant
# Was I just something for
the moment?
# 21 questions weighing on my brain
# I wanna dance
till I'm drunk on the feeling
# Dance like it's my #
Oh, no. My God.
# ..my first time
# I wanna dance till I
speed up the healing
# Get up, shake it till I find
# Somebody like you. #
I just like it
when it's just the three of us.
Yeah.
In the summer, my parents have got a
house in Italy, we should go.
Imagine.
That would be amazing.
Yeah, I could get a tan.
Oh, oh, there we go. There it goes.
I'm going to go. Will you get her
home? OK, yeah. fo
Bye, love you. Bye, Lydia.
Lydia!
Drugs are for mugs.
Some crusty old dick said that.
But I'm inclined to agree.
STAIR CREAKS
Fuck's sake.
CAR HORN BLARING
LOUD MUSIC OUTSIDE
Dad?
Dad! What are you doing?
It's Mum! She is out in the road.
Leave the mad bitch out there.
Mum, come in the house.
Come on.
Look at the neighbours.
Mum, you're freezing.
Just come in and have a cup of tea.
font color="#ffffff"
Mum. Mum!
Come on. You've got to go and see
your uncle Dai. He knows a
Please, will you just put this on?
Your father's brother Dai, he knows.
He knows.
# How does it feel
to treat me like you do?
# When you lay
your hands upon me. #
Hey! Shut up, will you!
Sorry, love.
Come down and join us,
why don't you?
You're waking people up.
You want to deliver my pies or what?
I can deliver your pies.
Not a bother. Twats!
# Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. #
Please, Mum!
Please, Mum.
Please, will you just come with me?
Why do you look so scared?
I'm the strongest woman in
the world.
MUSIC: Blue Monday by New Order
# To say what I need to say
# But I'm quite sure that
you'll tell me
# Just how I should feel today #
OK.
I've got you really
tight, all right?
Come on.
You're going to be fine, yeah?
Come on, come on. Right.
We're just going to sit
in this room, all right?
OK, come on.
Come on over here.
You can rest your legs, look.
There you go. Pull your nightie
down. There you go.
Excuse me, sorry to bother you, erm,
is there a doctor on duty?
My mum's not very well.
I'll get the senior nurse.
Jack!
Hiya, love.
I'm Nurse Digby. Who's this?
Mum, is it?
Yeah, it's my mum.
She's been here before.
She's got bipolar.
OK.
You on your own?
What's your name?
Come and dance with me, baby.
Mum, hang on a minute.
What's your name, love?
Trina Gwyndaf,
queen of the fucking world.
OK. Crisis team, please.
Why don't you take a seat here?
OK.
Absolutely hanging.
I feel like my brain
Oh, fish breath, turn
round, stop scribbling.
I've got something to tell you.
What?
I'm in so much shit.
My mother phoned the school.
Fuck.
Did she report us?
Oh, yeah, save your own skin.
Not like that. You know what I mean.
No, just me.
How does she even know?
She's been counting them,
apparently. It's like, get a life,
font color="#00ff
You're telling me,
I got up this morning to this.
Really some shit.
Here, let me see, let me see.
I want to see you when
I get back from work, Mum.
God. What's she going to do?
Jesus, I knew something like this
font color="#fff
Babe, don't worry,
it'll be fine, OK?
Right, a bit of hush, please?
First things first, gentle reminder,
you need to have your poems
in by 12 tomorrow.
I don't want to be in
the anthology, Miss.
Well, that's good, Priest,
because I highly doubt you will be.
Oh, my Godare you pregnant?
In your chair, Priest.
All right, don't shout.
It's compulsory that you all turn
one in, so, no excuses.
If you tell me your dog ate it,
you best bring the dog's stool
font color="#00f
Yeah, but Miss, if one of us wins,
do we actually get paid?
Or is this just slave labour?
The poem gets printed
in the anthology Ooh!
..that's your payment. OK.
Fame, and the respect of your pee
Yeah, I'd rather the money, thanks.
Enough lip, Gwyndaf.
Jane Eyre, page 45.
BELL RINGS
Loser.
Fuck off.
Yeah?
Why you dangling like the drip
who never dropped?
Can I show you this?
I wrote something
else after we spoke.
Thought you said
it was slave labour?
Well, I'm a wit, ain't I?
No jobs, no prospects.
In this green land of ours,
Mind your manners or your mam will
mind your knackers.
Black soot smeared face,
back broken with labour.
But still he can't afford a pint,
leccy off No light./fo
Did you read it all? No.
Oh. Is it OK?
It's not about OK, Bethan.
What? I know I said grit,
but I meant your grit.
Speak from your heart.
It's all I want.
That's art.
OK.
DOOR CLOSES
Hurry up, what are you doing?
Writing your diary? Uh, no./fo
I haven't done the biology homework.
I'm not waiting for you.
Fine, I'll be in now.
You run, I run, we all run.
Blind, deaf, dumb, the big dick
The big dick of society
blowing its
PHONE RINGS
Hiya, Nan.
Where's my girl?
I'm here.
Good. Well, I'm down the caravan.
I lost three games of bingo,
and now I just had a tikka pasty
that tasted like arseholes,
so that's £1.50 down the hoop.
And then
Nan. ..I turns my blower on
and sees you've been ringing my
dinger off the hook.
You know me, Beth,
I never looks at it Nan!
What? Hang on
What's the matter?
She's back in.
Ohfucking toot my chute.
Well, what have they said?
I don't know, yet.
I'm going down the hospital
after school.
Bethan, I can't get back today.
I've got no wheels.
Peg leg Roger brought
me down on the moped.
Well, it's fine,
it's not your fault, don't worry.
All right, love you loads.
Love you too.
All right, stay strong.
See you tomorrow.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Diabetes is approaching,
creeping up on you today.
We're doing ropes, Marine style!
Oh, Bethan Gwyndaf.
Answer me this, yeah?
If you can't be bothered
to get in here on time,
why should I, hmm?
No, really.
Give me one good reason.
Cos you're the one getting paid.
All right, enough.
You lot of trophy for turning up,
waste of oxygen, rats in my sewer
crawling around
Do you know, if any of you lot
had as much get up and go
as I've got in my little toe,
this country might have lower rates
of heart disease, and yet here I
font color="#
helping you all out,
you bunch of losers.
Stop it! Oh, I'm sorry.
Something funny, Travis Beams?
Cos heart disease
is no joke, my boy.
No, erm, Miss, it's just
Thought I saw a fly
SHE SNORTS
And what's funny about a fly, hmm?
HE EXHALES
Exactly.
Check your smiles
at the door, please.
Go.
Come on, knees up.
We're all slowly catching diabetes.
One, two, one, two.
Come on, you've got a grip
like wet spaghetti, girl.
It's ripping my skin off.
Snowflakes, the lot of you!
Come on!
Right, right, down you get.
Hang on, I can't
I'm going to fall
Now, who's next?
Oh, my God, babe?
What?
Gutted! Look, Auntie Flo's in town.
Beth, your minge is leaking.
All right. Priest, stop it!
You can go and get changed./font
Miss, you've got to sort that. I'm
not touching that rope.
I ain't touching nothing.
Oh, my God. Disgusting.
Are you OK? Disgusting.
Urgh, I can smell it as well.
Shut up, Priest. Beth, man.
That's embarrassing!
Oh, my God. She's got afternoon
school as well.
Beth, no-one's going
to remember tomorrow.
Priest has been calling me
Jam Rag Knickers all day.
What were you thinking?
It's PE 101 - always a fresh tampon.
Yeah, thanks for making
sure everyone noticed, by the way.
Babes, do you reckon
Blocher has a vibrator?
Yeah, sure.
I bet she's worn it down to a nub.
Don't want to go home, my mother's
going to bore my tits off with a
font color=
What tits? What would
you know about tits?
Can I come to yours?
Can't, Dad's tonight.
Cool, thanks for nothing.
Beth, hook me up, just for an hour?
I wish, I've been summoned
to my mother's study when I get in.
Fuck it!
Let's just run away.
You say that every day, babe.
We could just hitchhike,
wherever, seriously, I don't care.
Yeah, we'll go to the place
in Italy that Beth said.
Yeah, gladly! But for now my mother
wants rosemary, dickhead.
Message you in a bit?
I'll probably be dead. Love you!/font
Let's do it. I want a doughnut.
Yes, I want a doughnut./fon
Make it two. Are you actually going
to get a doughnut? /font
I need one And don't want
to feel guilty about it.
What is she doing?
What are you doing?
Buying veg. What are you doing,
prostituting yourself?
Whatever.
No school kids. What makes you think
I'm a school kid?/font
Oh, regular Ken Dodd, is it?
And you want two.
Out! Sorry, please can I just get
some rosemary for my mam?/
I'll leave my bag.
Make it quick.
Thanks.
Bag!
Sorry, just a few other bits.
Lychees. Yeah, I know.
Oh, you know, do you?
Why's your gob catching flies, then?
That's just my face.
My mother sent me a list,
she wants rosemary and lychees.
You're a liar, like every other teen
turd who comes in here trying
font color="
What are you calling
me a teen turd for?
Want to taste this, turd breath?
Quit fingering my goods, or I'll be
fingering you to the police?
Oh, yeah?
Why don't you go
and finger yourself?
You rotten
Before I knock you out!
Suck on them, you stupid old bat.
She's right, though.
I've been telling lies
since I was eight years old.
Gemma Jones came round my house
and saw my dad had a wardrobe full
font color="#
She laughed at me and then told
everyone at primary school.
I said she was lying and it
was her dad who had the pornos
and everyone believed me.
I did feel bad, though,
because her dad is quite nice,
whereas my dad is the maddest
bastard you will ever meet.
Oi!
Yeah?
Where's your mother?
Hospital.
I want to kill him.
HE RETCHES
Every morning, he coughs
his snot in the sink,
and I want to stab him in the back,
just take a knife and hack at him.
You shouldn't have done that.
She wasn't very well.
Get some chips.
BELL RINGS
Hiya, hiya, sorry.
I'm here to see Trina Gwyndaf.
Would you like to put your stuff
in the locker? Yeah, yeah./
All right, Mam? All right, love.
Thanks for coming in.
Of course. Come here.
You need to wash that, you've got
egg on it, or something.
Yeah, I will.
Nana's going to come in tomorrow.
She's been down the caravan. font color="#ffff0
That's nice. Yeah.
Nice weather for it.
You been all right today?
No, not really, Beth.
Sectioned now. That's it.
Yeah.
Locked ward.
Yeah.
What have you done to me?
I'm sorry, Mam.
I got you some pop, I did.
Stupid bitch!
See what you've done?
You've delivered me
in the eye of the storm here.
There's cameras everywhere!
Watching me.
Everything gets reported back.
They're not even nurses.
Yes, they are.
Some of them are, not all of them.
Been sucked in!
APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS
Trina. What's the matter?
OK, come out, Bethan.
Don't touch my daughter! Beth!
Behind me, now!
No-one's going to hurt her.
Put the chair down, Trina.
We're not going to hurt her
Touch my daughter and I'll kill you!
Will you come out? Step outside!
Step outside!
SHE SCREAMS
Sit! Help me, someone! font color="#00ff
Trina, you're in a safe place
SHE SCREAMS
We can help you, Trina.
SHE SCREAMS
Don't Don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me We won't.
Beth!
TV: Strengthening as we go through
the night, gale force gust
There will be further heavy rain,
it will move out of Scotland
and push into the north of England
and Wales overnight tonight.
A little bit quieter
in the south-east,
and not quite as cold,
but we start off tomorrow morning
w
It could be a pretty dismal
early morning rush-hour.
Now it'll still be windy
in Scotland, but if you look at the
font color="#00ff0
Do you want a drop of pop, Mam?
I told you I had a baby
girl who died?
She was prettier than you.
Breezy for all of us and eventually
we'll start to see more cloud
font color="#
Perhaps the rain arriving here
a little bit later on.
Charlotte Church is
the voice of an angel.
By 2007, she'd sold over
10 million records, worldwide.
Right.
That's amazing.
"THE ONE SHOW" THEME
Sorry, just got to send
a message on here.
Well, hello and welcome to a
brand-new week here on The One Show
font color="#00
And Matt Baker.
Now, if you were putting together
your list of dream dinner
party guests, well,
there are certain qualities
you'd want all of them
to share, aren't there?
Yes, well, I would say
they'd have to be funny.
Probably intelligent.
Well-informed
Charlotte Church's 2005 album,
Tissues and Issues,
sold more than 300,000 copies.
Please welcome Joanna
Lumley and Ian Hislop!
Where did he get the tux?
You happy with yourself?
Gas is off!
Guess what I did last night?
I don't know, waxed your fanny?
Shut up. We saw Chicago last night.
The musical?
Yeah, it's on in town.
I want to come. Me too!
What? My mother brought me a
brochure, I'll bring it in for you
font color="#ff
Apparently, right, in dance school,
what they do is they sit
on your thighs
so it tears all the muscle
All right, dykey? Give them here.
All right? All right, Priest?
Trying to ignore me, are you? No.
Last time I saw you,
I was licking you right up!
SHE LAUGHS
Shut up!
Fucking hell, when did
your tits get so big?
It's called puberty.
When did your mouth get so big?
Oh, you're fucking cheeky,
aren't you? Ooh! font co
Hi, Beth. What? Oh, hiya!
Did you see Ms Morgan's e-mail?
Oh, no, not yet, I've been eating.
I had a pasty.
Oh, my God, shut up. Have a look.
You've been selected
for the anthology.
What? I have?
Yeah, I just read it.
It's brilliant.
Seriously, you should
be really proud.
My God, that's amazing!
Well done, Beth!
Consmatulations, you fat bab.
HE LAUGHS
Bye, Priest. You're an ape.
You're ugly!
Maybe come and sit with me
in English?
Talk about "rate yourself", and Loz
Chapman, she fucked a sausage.
THEY SNOR
Here we go, Beth
"Please join me in congratulating
Bethan Gwyndaf who's been
font color="#ffff0
Blah, blah, blah, boring. All right.
"You are a bond,
the glue that binds
"The knot that ties
two warring sides
"Oil and water, these bricks
and mortar, the wrong daughter."
What the fuck? What?
Morgan laps that shit up.
I've got her eating out of this.
She fucking loves it!
THEY LAUGH