InSecurity (2011) s01e01 Episode Script

Whoa.
Shipping uranium from Saskatchewan to Tehran.
This is huge.
What's taking so long? Alex should be out by now.
Falcon, this is Snowman.
Any sign of Mama Bear? Copy that.
She's right next to me.
I'm Goldilocks.
That makes no sense.
Goldilocks would be in the house.
I thought you were Red Riding Hood.
That's not even the same fairy tale.
We all remember the snowman stealing porridge from the three bears.
Falcon and the Snowman.
It's a great spy movie.
I like Spy Kids.
This is Goldilocks.
You're all morons.
Mama Bear to Baby Bear.
The porridge is just right.
Repeat, the porridge is just right.
We went through this.
There is no Baby Bear.
I hate code names.
Just come get me.
Mama Bear is on the move.
We're leaving the forest.
No code names! Copy that, Mama Bear.
Great.
Good.
I was starting to think that maybe Oh.
Oh, this is not how we practised this.
Still Yalla imshi! Yalla! Oh, crap! Well now the sun ain't shinin' no more I don't know why but I've seen it before Ain't got no joy No man to lean on He leaves my soul on the floor like a doll Yeah, yeah, yeah! Ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo Hey, good job last night.
Yeah, you were really good too, Burt.
We're a great team.
What are you doing? I'm talking to Burt.
Oh.
Has Alex downloaded the photos from Eurostar? No, she's not in yet.
She didn't give them to you guys? No.
I thought she gave them to you.
We didn't pick her up.
You picked her up.
We didn't pick her up.
She was supposed to leave by the back door.
We were watching the front door.
No, no.
You were in the back alley watching the back door.
I think you mean the front alley.
Oh, crap.
Oh, crap! What are you doing? Calling Alex.
Good idea.
She'll know what alley it was.
I'm calling her to see where she is.
Also an excellent idea.
So, who are you working for? RCMP? OPP? Something else that ends in P? NDP? I have nothing to say to either of you.
Oh.
Someone's looking for you.
That's about right.
Okay, she's not answering.
Let's go through all the possibilities.
Number one, she's dead.
That's all I got.
Let's stay positive, here.
She may be unconscious or in a coma or had one hand cut off, making it impossible for her to answer the phone.
What happened to staying positive? He said one of her hands.
Oh.
Hey, guys.
Solid work on Eurostar.
Where's, uh, where's Alex? Oh, you've just missed her.
She just dropped off her coffee.
It's probably getting cold right now.
Maybe I should drink it for her.
Well, when she gets back, please tell her the deputy minister would like to debrief with her.
Nicely done.
Well, it bought us some time.
Okay, JoJo, N'udu, you check out Eurostar, okay? Burt and I will go by Alex's and see if she made it home last night.
Answer my questions! This is useless.
Maybe "The Doctor" will loosen your tongue.
Oooo, the Doctor.
Sorry.
So, is the doctor someone I should be afraid of or not? Yes, be afraid.
Be ver-ry afraid.
Oh, okay.
That didn't clear anything up.
Sorry, it's hard to stay committed to "The Doctor" thing.
Grown men weep like donkeys at the sound of his voice.
You'll pee yourself for sure.
Have fun! You're awful at this.
So, I understand someone's a little reluctant to talk.
Her bed hasn't been slept in.
Looks like Alex didn't make it home.
What's this? Leave it.
It's team evaluations.
You seen this? I said leave that.
Yeah, okay.
For sure.
It's confidential.
Yeah, sure.
Don't you wanna know what you got? No.
23.
Now, let's get to know each other a little better, shall we? Randy? Randy Nussbaum? Alex Cranston? Oh my god.
I haven't seen you since high school.
So you're a doctor now? Yeah, well, PhD.
What are the odds of us running into each other like this? You'd be surprised.
Remember Mitch McGee? Quarterback Mitch McGee? He blew out his knee out playing football in college.
Now he works as muscle for the Bidinosti brothers.
Oh, he was such a hottie.
Well, not anymore.
He's really aged.
And all that great hair, gone.
Oh, I can't believe Mitch McGee went bald.
Well, not exactly.
I scalped him.
So, Randy, you're a doctor who tortures people.
How did you get into that? Oh, the usual way, I guess.
Started on small animals, neighbourhood cats, that sort of thing.
Then Mother died.
After that it was either cruise for hitchhikers or go pro, and, well, here I am.
Well, ya look good.
So do you.
For now.
The place has been cleared out.
What is it? Pizza.
Judging by the staleness of the slice, I'd say it's been lying here for at least 20 hours.
That matches the timeframe.
Look here.
Heel marks.
The shoes that made these were ankle-length to mid-calf, stylish yet with a practical heel.
Likely on sale, coming with a second pair for half price.
Alex.
She was dragged this way.
Tire marks, here.
Look at the bruising on the tomato slice and the depth of the gravel imbedded in the cheese.
This slice was thrown from a moving vehicle, probably A 2005 Ford Explorer? How'd you figure that out? I'm lying.
I have no clue.
I just didn't want to break the roll we were on.
Let's go.
Peter's coming.
Thank you.
Hey, guys.
Hi, Peter.
You just missed Alex.
She had to step out for a moment.
Yeah, there's that perfume I like.
Yeah.
Wait a second.
What? Is she avoiding me because she caught me looking down her shirt yesterday? That was an accident.
She usually doesn't catch me.
No, no.
She's just getting some photos from last night enhanced.
Good, good, good.
What's with the, uh, confidential file, there? Oh this? It's, uh, paperwork.
Eurostar.
Crossing the t's, dotting the I's.
You know me, me-ticulous.
Nice job, nice job.
FYI, they're also good for hiding golf magazines.
See ya.
I told you to leave the file.
Got us out of a pinch, didn't it? You see that? Strategic thinking through the roof.
Well, now that we're all caught up, it seems like someone's pretty interested in uranium.
What were you doing at Eurostar? Nothing.
Let me rephrase the question.
What were you doing at Eurostar? N-n-n-nothing! Oh, really? So this camera is nothing? This earpiece is nothing? This sandwich is Wait, what is this? I was working through dinner.
It's peanut butter.
Hey hey, remember that time when Tony Macalease put peanut butter on your retainer and your mouth swelled up all big and Aah-aaah-aaah! Yes, I remember.
FYI, the guy with the battery gets to ask the questions.
Who do you work for? NNNNIIIISSSSAAAA! Oh, you're a federal agent.
That makes sense.
You were always chosen for classroom monitor in high school.
How did you get into that? Recruited out of universit-TTTTYY! Oh.
Good benefits? Dental and glasses ONCE A YEARRRR! You know, for a NISA agent, you sure give up the goods pretty easily.
I haven't told you anything you couldn't find on Facebook.
I'd have enjoyed reading that if you'd accepted my friend request.
Mmm-nnn-aaa-aaah! Cut that out.
There's not enough saliva to get a DNA reading off this.
It's hopeless.
What? What do you mean "What?" Not only are you eating evidence, it's evidence that's been lying in an alley all night.
Three-day rule.
I think you mean three-second rule.
In Ligeria, it's three days.
You Canadians are so squeamish with your best-before dates and your insistence on refrigerating dairy.
You're the one who keeps putting the ice cream in the cupboard? It's easier to drink.
Put it down.
And the pizza? Cold, a bit gravelly, and the tomato sauce is awful.
Let me see that.
That's because it's not tomato sauce.
It's tandoori paste.
It appears this pizza has traces of chili peppers and green peas.
Very unusual.
Exactly.
If we find the pizzeria that makes this We burn it to the ground.
Ah-ha.
It's a specialty pizza called the "Bombay Burn" and it's only made by one pizzeria: Sanjay's Real Italian.
I could use a tall glass of pralines and cream to wash this down.
Now, if you ever want to see your kids again, you'll answer me.
I don't have any kids.
Well, if you ever want to see your husband again.
I'm single.
Really? What's wrong with you? I mean I'm single too, but I know what's wrong with me.
Can we just get back to the physical torture, please? Oh, with pleasure.
Doctor, Mahfuz wants to see you.
Mm, fine.
Watch her.
Remind me to tell you about Lester Blackburn when I get back.
He had a sex change.
Snip, snip.
He's Laura now.
Shut-up! No, really.
Don't you get hot in that thing? Or do you have pimples? I don't have pimples.
Your nose kinda bends.
Is it deformed or something? It's straight.
Oh, so you have a goitre? Look, I'm very handsome.
This is a face women Aaah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Aaah! Hello.
I'm trapped in a warehouse.
Alex? But you were just here.
What? Where? In the washroom.
You had a coffee and a muffin.
Then there was the perfume and, uh my apologies, by the way.
I've been captured.
Trace this call.
I don't have much time.
Hey, it's Alex.
Huh? She's trapped in a warehouse.
Trace the call! Thank God she's alive.
Oh, Alex, there you are.
Why thank you.
I will keep up the good work.
Okay, I'll tell him.
That was Alex in the hallway.
What's up with you guys? On the phone, with Alex.
She's been kidnapped.
Well, it was kind of her fault.
ALEX: I'm on speaker.
What the hell? So Lester Blackburn, he's a she? Aah! Ow! Get here quick.
Help! They're gonna kill me! Alex! Alex! Did you trace the call? No.
Don't worry, kid.
We'll find her.
They're gonna kill me! There.
I've isolated two fire engines in the background and one train crossing.
Good work, Claude.
I think Alex was a little hard on ya.
That's like a 32 effort there.
A 32 effort? What are you talkin' about? Ah, you know, just leadership and stuff.
I have narrowed the audio signatures to two locations, Orleans and Westborough.
What do you think, Pete? Westborough? This one's near an industrial park.
I say we start there.
Yeah, sounds good.
Let's go.
Follow my lead.
Welcome to Sanjay's Real Italian.
Can I take your order? We're federal agents.
Oh my god.
This is so Law & Order.
Dun-dun.
We need the address of everyone who's ordered the Bombay Burn in the last 24 hours.
You found a dead body, probably a prostitute.
Traces of the pizza under her fingernails, which were sent to you in an envelope.
No.
A bag? No.
Just give us the addresses.
We don't have time to hurt you.
Ooo, harassment.
Can I have your badge numbers? I can kill you with this.
There's only one address, Thank you.
You gave my friend quite a bump on the head.
I should just kill you now.
But I don't want to, because I like you.
I've always liked you.
Your skin is as smooth as it was in high school.
Fresh fruit, mainly, lots of water.
It's a pity it's not gonna stay that way.
Ooo, I don't know.
I'm pretty disciplined about my routine.
This is delicious pizza.
Mm-hmm.
I know.
It's way better than that crappy pizza the other night.
Federal agents! Nobody move! Sit down! Where is she? Where is Alex? Tell me or I'll slice you like a star fruit.
Hello? I know this is totally 24, but a brown guy with an accent just walked in and ordered a Bombay Burn to go.
I think he's your guy.
It's not good to racial profile.
But thanks.
Wrong house.
You have a lovely home.
So you liked me? As a friend.
I didn't like you like you.
Well, maybe a little.
I just didn't wanna breach lab partner protocol.
You know, in lab class I always felt sparks whenever we reached for the same beaker.
It was an Erlenmeyer flask.
.
But, yes, me too.
How many hours do you think we spent hunched over a Bunsen burner, so close we were almost touching? The smell of dill pickle chips on your breath.
Mingling with your Body Shop kiwi lip gloss.
And the whole time I just wanted to lean over, unclip your headgear and , Whatdidyoudo? I got hungry while you were gone, so I ate my sandwich.
Whoa-ooah! Peanut butter.
It was delicious.
Bitch! Nerd! I can hear the train.
It must be the place.
You ready? Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, cowboy.
Before we run in there half-cocked, let's you and I have a little chin wag.
I don't want you puttin' me in any danger.
Shut up.
Hey, let's remember who's the 81 and who's the 23.
Burt, you really have to stop this before you get killed.
By me.
Claude, I understand that you're frustrated.
No, no, you you don't get it.
You don't understand the tests.
It's an error ranking.
See? And you've got one of the highest numbers in the agency.
I know.
And I did it all in three years.
Ah, you moron.
It's like golf.
You want a low score.
Uh, oh? You want a low Yeah.
score in golf? Ah, man, I'm gonna have to cancel that gift basket I sent myself.
Okay, come on, 81.
23? You're like a god.
Worship me later.
Let's go.
Where'd he go? He's close.
Tandoori paste.
This way.
No, I can't.
I can't.
Not so scary now, are ya, Doc? Adrenaline! What the hell? Muststop allergic reaction.
Freeze! If you guys are my 4 o'clock, you're early.
Uh, no, sorry.
We-we thought someone was being tortured.
That's kinda the idea.
Have you seen this person, ma'am? Hm.
I got lotsa girls tied up in the back.
You're free to check.
Oh, no.
I'm sure she wouldn't be here now.
Okay, uh, Burt Sweet criminy! Where do you get a diaper that big? Come on! Costco.
Sacrifice! How much for that? Are you okay? You'll have to get Alex on your own.
Yeah, right.
An 81? On my own? Alex doesn't stand a chance.
It's just a number.
I don't even pay attention to mine, even though it's one of the lowest in NISA history.
Yeah.
You're a good agent.
Well, you're an okay agent, but bad guys don't know that.
You're right.
Thanks, Claude.
Go.
Go, go.
I'd like to kill you, but I won't.
Rest up, pickle breath.
Oof! JoJo! Alex! You still have your hands! I owe Claude 10 bucks.
I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay.
I'm glad you're alive.
Sorry we didn't pick you up.
The important thing is that you found me, kind of.
Surprise! I hate you.
Drop your guns! On your knees.
Let's do this execution style.
Execution style? Okay, I know I dropped a battery on your head, but come on! What other styles are there? Gangland.
Mafia.
Ooo, uh, firing squad.
Let's do that one.
On your knees, now! Freeze! Sorry, boys, but Burt's on the job.
Ow! You idiot! I'm proud of you.
You were tough, resilient, and you managed to stop a sale of uranium to Iran.
Not bad for a day's work.
I trust my bravery today will inspire you to rethink my 81.
What are you talking about? He stole his performance evaluation from your bedroom.
You were in my bedroom? Any treats on the bedside table? Please.
It wasn't just me.
Claude was there too.
He sniffed your perfume.
Where is Claude? Important missions.
Oh! Oh, it looks like it's your work calling.
Yep, four hours later.
, That's about right.
Hello?