Irreverent (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Shit.
[PLEASANT MUSIC]
♪
Everybody, gather round, please.
Oh.
Come on in.
Oh, donuts.
You got hot ones?
Yeah, they kinda got hot in my bag.
And here comes the bride.
♪
Dearly beloved, we are gather here
in the presence of almighty God
and in the beautiful
waters of Clump Beach.
Matrimony is a serious undertaking,
never to be entered into lightly.
Hey, hey, hey, what's that in the water?
It's the bridal party.
No, over there.
If any here assembled
today have any objection,
speak now, or forever hold your
Crocodile! Crocodile!
- [CROCODILE CHOMPS]
- Ah!
[ALL SCREAMING]
♪
[SCREAMS]
[DISTANT SCREAMING]
[BELL TOLLING]
[ALL SCREAMING]
What happened?
A lizard took the reverend.
Not another reverend.
Third in two years.
Good luck finding another one, Peter.
We'll find one.
Where?
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Fellas.
See you found a nice
little slice of paradise.
Hey, Michael.
So wears Lorenzo then?
Lorenzo sent me.
He wants a cease fire
as much as you do, okay?
And he's willing to pay for it.
It's not an eye for an eye,
but it the 21st century, right?
All this for extinguishing
the life of two of my boys?
I know that it's a tough
pill to swallow, Michael,
but this city doesn't need another war.
Just take the money. It'll all be over.
You should listen to him, Michael.
- The hell is he doing here?
- Let me take care of this.
Guido, what are you doing, man?
Just cleaning up the last
of the mess, you know?
Guido, don't do anything stupid, okay?
- [GUNFIRE]
- Oh, come on.
Michael, I'll take care of this.
[GUNFIRE]
[GRUNTS]
Come on, man!
- Paulo.
- Guido?
Let me get to your dad first, all right?
I can talk to him, I can fix this.
- It's what I do.
- Oh, okay.
The great negotiator.
All right, I'm coming out now, yeah?
You're not gonna send me to
heaven tonight, pal, okay?
- [GUNFIRE]
- [GROANS]
Oops! Sorry, Paulo.
Paulo?
Don't be shy.
Guess I really got you, huh?
[GRUNTS]
[INTENSE MUSIC]
♪
[GROANS]
Damn it!
[PLEASANT ACAPELLA MUSIC]
♪
[OTIS RUSH'S "WORKING MAN"]
♪
I'm just a working man ♪
[SIGHS]
Who was it, Michael?
Who's got the money?
I can make this go away.
Paulo.
I'm on the midnight shift, baby ♪
And I'm getting double pay ♪
[GUNSHOT]
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
[POUNDING CONTINUES]
Lewis?
Only use one set of tools ♪
Quiet night in, I see.
[WINCES]
I'm reading things
didn't go to plan tonight.
Yeah, you could say that.
I killed Guido Montemurro.
Lorenzo's firstborn?
Mm-hmm.
I hope you have a better
plan than hiding out here.
First place they would look.
I know, Lou. I know.
I'm gonna just head out to O'Hare
and catch the first flight I can.
Take these for the pain.
What's in the overnight bag?
That would be $1.6
million of Lorenzo's money.
How are you supposed to
get that on the plane?
Oh, I'll think of something.
I gotta go.
Thank you.
Where will you go?
I don't know.
The other side of the planet?
All right. Hello.
Can I have everyone's attention please?
Can we all just gather round?
Tell me.
What is the biggest problem
facing all of us at present?
We can't keep a reverend
alive for more than two months?
Amy, respectfully, I am
holding the speaker's dolphin.
It's welded to your hand.
I want to implant a vision.
If I can ask you all to
come on a journey with me.
"Clumpy Bay"?
A resort?
Hmm, sounds more like a skin condition.
Who in their right
mind would finance that?
The sugar mill just
let off half its staff.
We can't even afford to
fix the basketball ring.
And who wants another Paradise Cove?
Botox and high-rise?
Am I wrong to want to better this town?
To put Clump on the map?
'Cause if I am, just shoot me.
Piper, can I borrow your gun please?
Can we please talk
about what this meeting
was meant to be about?
Thursday, our new minister,
Reverend Mackenzie Boyd
and his good lady wife arrive here
all the way from Chicago.
How do you know she's good?
Because she's a minister's wife.
I have a cousin in Chicago.
It reached -27 degrees in 1985.
The church has combed the
world to find this new man.
Reverend Mackenzie Boyd will be
a lightning rod for this town.
Ten to one says the new blokes dead
- in two weeks.
- Four weeks. Bull shark.
One week. Jellyfish.
Clump needs a lot more help
than a socially-challenged Bible geek.
Can we please show some respect?
So what are our plans
to officially welcome
the Reverend Mackenzie
Boyd and his good lady wife
to our town?
"Years of relentless,
unbearable boredom
"on a journey I must take alone.
With Greg."
Alone or with Greg? I mean, you can't
you can't be both.
Pilot: Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome aboard Flight 88A
from Chicago to Australia's
sunny Gold Coast.
I'll get back to you shortly
after we reach our cruising altitude
with an update.
Oh, that'll have to be
stowed overhead, sir.
Overhead is looking pretty full.
No problem. I'll take it up front.
No, no.
Uh, I'm sorry.
It's just that I
I have some medication that
I need to have access to it
during the flight, so I
will find a place for it.
- Thank you.
- Right.
Yep.
[GRUNTS]
[WINCES]
Are you married, friend?
No.
A wise man. Neither am I.
I was an hour ago.
Wife just ditched me at the airport.
I'd like you to meet Charmaine.
She's the empty seat right beside you.
Nineteen years, yeah.
Leaves me with divorce
papers and this letter.
Bon voyage!
- Sounds like a tough break.
- Oh, no, no, no.
She's alone now.
With Greg.
Alone with Greg.
Greg, the used car salesman.
$300k a year, Greg.
Mind if I ask you a question?
Did you ever hear of a used car salesman
making $300,000 a year
selling second hand Mitsubishis
and Ford Tauruses?
Oh, I apologize. Sorry about that.
How you doing there?
How are you? Mackenzie Boyd.
Are you religious at all, pilgrim?
Not even a little bit.
Mm, interesting.
- You mind?
- I don't at all.
I'm just looking for
a little peace, so
Aren't we all?
But what gives us peace?
Right? I mean, that's the
constant question of faith.
No, that's wasn't a question.
Do we believe, and, if
so, what is it we believe?
In this moment, I [CHUCKLES]
couldn't quite tell you. "Too safe."
That's what she said to me. Me, safe?
Well, let me tell you something.
You see this right here?
Oh, this right here.
This is what got in the way
of the real me, the maverick.
[GRUNTS] Manly me.
Do you mind?
Cheers.
Do you need a license to drive a Harley?
Oh, hey, listen, rest up.
Plenty of time to talk.
You have blood on your shoulder.
♪
Stop it.
Stop it right here, right now
I mean, there must be
20,000 hotels in this city,
and here we are. Are you kidding me?
What are the chances?
I'm just waiting on my room.
Hey. We're beating from the same drum.
These late check-ins, they are brutal.
I will leave you alone.
- Can I get a whiskey?
- Of course, sir.
[SIGHS] No wife, no
purpose, zero future,
all in the last 24 hours,
which is wild to me because
I tried my whole life
to be a good man, and
where does it get you?
Right? I mean, just devoted
to God who doesn't give a
cracker about me.
Is your family religious?
Not a family man.
Thank you.
You know what?
I'm not going to Clump.
That's my new parish.
It's a little pointy bit of
a town in north Queensland.
And you know what I'm gonna
do? I'm gonna head up there.
I'm gonna pick up all my
things that were sent ahead.
The boxes and bags of a wasted life.
And then I'm gonna go. [CHUCKLES]
'Cause what am I gonna
tell my flock anyway, huh?
That there's a
there's a loving God
that smiles down on you
- and takes care of you
- Hey, uh
Can we check if my room's ready?
Well, where is he? Huh?
Has anybody in here seen
God hiding in the bathroom?
I'm sorry.
[CHUCKLES] A little too loud.
Mr. Keegan, room 2200 is ready for you.
- Great.
- You know what? Uh
We're on the same floor.
I'm room 2216.
What is the universe trying to tell us?
Nothing.
The universe isn't telling you anything.
I mean, surely, you must've
figured that out by now.
There is no God. There is no Savior.
No one's coming to help you.
You are
alone.
So stop looking for God
to give you something,
and go take it for yourself.
[INTROSPECTIVE MUSIC]
♪
Hey, uh, let's, um
we're gonna do another round
for me and him.
And, uh
make it the good stuff.
♪
To new freedom.
To new freedom.
♪
Thank you.
Hey, you wanna ding-dong ditch?
No, that's too loud.
No, no, we're just we're
two men who believe in freedom!
Got got no, no, no,
come on, let me help you.
Let me help you. Let me help you.
- I'm fine.
- No, you're fine. Okay.
You're fine, no, keep it up.
Keep it up. You're doing great.
If you're fine, I am baby Jesus.
Gimme this, ready?
- [DOOR BEEPS]
- Ahh.
Ooh, scotch and painkillers,
they are not a good combo,
- so no more pills for the baby.
- Ahh!
Effective though, clearly.
[GROANS] [PILL BOTTLE RATTLES]
Your key card is there, sir.
No, no, no, no, no pills. No pills.
No pills, come on. Tuck-tuck time.
Tuck-tuck time. Tuck-tuck time. Come on.
Hush little baby ♪
Don't say a word ♪
Mama's gonna buy you ♪
To new freedom ♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
[WINCES]
[BELL TOLLS]
[TENSE MUSIC]
What the hell?
♪
No.
No. No.
No!
♪
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
Mackenzie!
Mackenzie!
[DOOR BEEPS]
Mackenzie?
♪
[BELL TOLLS]
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Everything's gonna be all right ♪
[CRACKS]
♪
Come on, let's take a ride ♪
Good morning, Father.
Uh, right. Mackenzie Boyd,
has he checked out yet?
Um
yes, we called him a
taxi four hours ago.
Do you have a cell number
for him or something?
It's really important that I reach him.
I'm afraid not.
It appears his room's
booked by a parish.
Right, yes, that is the one in Clump.
Oh!
I'm so sorry, Father.
No, no, no, no, it
was entirely my fault.
Come on, repeat the little line ♪
Do you know what he wants
to do with his vehicle?
That would be me.
They sent me here to drive it to Clump.
All right ♪
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
Do you know where Clump is?
North. Very north.
Let's listen to some blues ♪
♪
Right.
See the ocean out there?
Keep it to your right and drive.
[ENGINE REVS]
[TIRES SQUEAL]
For three days.
Let's cry, pretty mama ♪
Everything's gonna be all right ♪
♪
[DISTANT WHIRRING]
[INQUISITIVE MUSIC]
[WHIRRING CONTINUES]
Daisy.
Daise?
[CRACKLING]
Cameron, turn that thing off.
Oh, yeah.
What are you doing?
What? Nothing.
I just oh, yeah,
I'm just doing my annual
service on the bike, you know?
- Breaks and steering.
- What, here?
- Yeah.
- In the manse?
He moves in tomorrow.
Yeah, well, you know.
I figured that there's more room here.
Didn't wanna do it in my caravan.
Workshop closed.
What happened to the front door?
No idea.
I don't well, I think, uh
I think it got sold.
You'll hose this place out
and replace the bloody front door.
- Where's Daisy?
- I don't know. No idea.
Why?
Daise?
You can still stay here.
Thanks, Pipe.
What's this new guy like?
A lightning rod American.
[LIGHT ACOUSTIC MUSIC]
Now I have read my bible ♪
And I can't understand ♪
[PLAYING OVER RADIO]
How folks think that Jesus ♪
Was a sad and lonely man ♪
The waters of mine became ♪
The fruit of the vine ♪
[RATTLES PILL BOTTLE]
When Jesus turned
the water into wine ♪
♪
Jesus turned the water ♪
Go tell it on the mountain ♪
Over the hills and everywhere ♪
Go tell it on the mountain ♪
That Jesus Christ is born ♪
♪
The shepherds keep their watching ♪
O'er the silent flocks by night ♪
Behold throughout the heavens ♪
That shine a holy light ♪
Go tell it on the mountain ♪
Over the hills and everywhere ♪
[POUNDING]
Go tell it on ♪
[ZAPPING]
Unwind yourself ♪
♪
Come on and turn that soul loose ♪
Come on, baby ♪
Unwind yourself ♪
Turn your soul, soul loose ♪
Well if you can't groove ♪
And you can't move ♪
Well then, baby ♪
Well then, baby, that's no groove ♪
No, no ♪
Find yourself ♪
♪
Oh! ♪
Ah, okay.
[PHONE RINGING]
Lou, oh, thank God.
Paulo?
Man, are you crazy?
You can't call me here.
Lou, I need your help, okay?
- I got rolled.
- You got rolled?
What the hell did I miss?
I got ripped off.
Someone took the money.
You're joking, right?
He got everything.
It was the the money, my
cards, he took my clothes.
They are turning Chicago upside down
looking for you.
Yeah, look, I can get it back,
but I need just one tiny,
little favor from you.
Okay, Lou? I'm gonna need you
to help me track this asshole.
What is his name?
Mackenzie Boyd.
I'm never gonna forget that. He's a
- he's a reverend.
- [CHUCKLES]
You're telling me you
got robbed by a priest?
He was having a crisis of faith.
What's his cell?
I don't have it yet, but I will soon.
Where are you?
I'm going to the place
where he was supposed to go.
All his stuff is there,
so I'm sure that there's something there
that can help us find him.
All I need you to do is
organize a trace, please?
Of course, man.
When is the last time you slept?
Money first, sleep later.
I'm fine.
- Take care, okay?
- I will.
Hey, I appreciate you, brother.
Yeah.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Ooh. Okay.
[PROTESTORS CHANTING]
Give me the bloody key, Amy.
You've swallowed it again, haven't you?
♪
- Whoa!
- What are you doing?
Amy.
I'm not missing this.
You were gonna arrest me anyway.
Save you a trip.
- You're welcome.
- Found that key pretty quick,
didn't you?
- [LAUGHS]
- [SIREN WAILS]
How high do you want this?
- Oh, just show me first.
Six feet, eight foot.
All right, all right. It's coming up.
- [OVERLAPPING RECORDERS PLAYING]
- What are they playing, darling?
Oh, I have absolutely no idea.
Uh, "Waltzing Matilda" here.
"Star-Spangled Banner."
Does it really matter?
It has to be perfect.
When has this town ever done perfect?
And if you want perfection,
don't look at that sign.
That's not how you spell "reverend."
I thought Rever was his wife's name.
When will the people of this town
commit to the pursuit of excellence?
We do other things well, Peter.
It's like a disease, and
it just keeps mutating.
Calm down, darling.
They're early.
It's him.
Okay, people. Everyone, ladders away!
This is not a rehearsal.
I repeat Lester, get off the ladder!
Piper, what the
Oh, Piper. You're driving very fast.
Shit!
[SCREAMING]
- Uh!
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[ALL CHATTERING]
- And
- [ALL PLAYING]
♪
Oh, you way a ton.
Oh, God.
I'm happy to give him
mouth-to-mouth if he needs it.
- Can you hear me?
- Yeah.
What day is it?
Where?
Ah! Jeez!
How does somebody who looks
like that become a minister?
Amy, he's married.
I'm right here, guys.
He can get divorced. He's not Catholic.
Still right here.
Reverend? Reverend, it's me, Peter.
Are you okay?
I'm gonna need to see your license.
Uh, um
my license, right.
- You got it in your pocket?
- Right, my license
Quit it, Amy.
It got lost with all my luggage
on the flight over.
- Piper, Piper.
- Peter.
- No.
- I need to fill out a report.
- So, no license?
- No, no, I have one.
It's just not on my person.
Then you're coming with me.
- Let's go, Reverend.
- What? No. No.
Piper!
♪
Anyone give me a hand?
[PLEASANT MUSIC]
♪
Hey, officer, is it really necessary
for me to sit in the back here?
Kind of making me feel like a criminal.
Sorry. It's just protocol.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Um
So how long have you been on the force?
A few years now. I grew up around here.
Oh, yeah?
It's, uh
It's very pretty.
It is.
Spectacular sometimes.
♪
Okay, what are we doing here?
I need to process you.
Process me how?
I need to write an incident report
about your reckless
driving endangering life.
And I thought perhaps you might prefer
that we do it at the station.
Just the two of us. Problem?
[METAL BARS CLANG]
Seriously?
This won't take a minute.
She's very quick.
Do this a hundred times.
And blow one lovely long breath.
[BREATHALYZER BEEPS]
Can we talk about this, please?
Yes, of course we can.
But first, just your left thumb, please.
Just smudge that one.
I have explained everything already.
Father, forgive me,
for I am full of sin.
Now I regret whole life.
The women, gambling, alcohol.
- I want to change!
- No.
No, hey, look, if
you're trying to confess,
I'm not a
Catholic priest.
[SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE]
I am not Catholic.
I just like to confess.
Oh [STAMMERS] Really? A mugshot?
I am a church minister.
And I'm a police officer,
and you're an unlicensed driver
who failed to pull over when I signaled
- and fell asleep at the wheel.
- I was jet-lagged.
You try being on the
world's longest flight
followed by the world's longest drive.
Followed by cutting off
the power to an entire town.
Archil.
How long do I have to stay here?
You can leave now.
Peter's waiting for you outside.
Welcome to Clump.
O kay.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
♪
Reverend?
Reverend, I am beyond mortified,
and I only hope you can
find it in your heart
to forgive this town,
to be treated like a common criminal
when you're here to
restore the moral compass.
It was like his betrayal
in the garden of Gethsemane.
Where's that?
The Lord. The garden.
Oh, yeah, no, exactly like that.
The hearse is going to be okay.
A few dents. Still drivable.
Good news, I've rewired the CD player
and put the disc back in.
Great.
Hey, where's my stuff?
Waiting for you inside.
- You have a lot to unpack.
- Thanks.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
I am Peter.
Think of me as the rock
on which you may build your church.
Your support person 362 days a year.
Right.
362?
Cup Day, Wimbledon Final,
and my wedding anniversary.
Oh, and if Australia play England
in the cricket, I might
want a few hours off.
You'll join Helen and
myself for casserole tonight,
and I will run you
through your schedule.
Yeah, no thanks. I'm really tired.
It's been a long, hard day. Hoorah.
Well, when then?
Reverend? Reverend?
Look, Reverend, I know you'll be anxious
to meet everyone in your parish.
They are
Ooh.
[FLICKING LIGHT SWITCH]
Come on.
Let's see what we got here.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!
[TEARING BOX OPEN]
[CHUCKLES]
Okay.
Where are you, you little ferret?
- So is now a good time
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
How long have you guys been there?
Not long.
This is Charlotte, me fiancée.
Hi. Chad's me fiancé too, but
Oh, yeah, I kinda worked out that math.
Uh, wh what are you guys doing here?
You're gonna marry us.
Do you wanna hear our vows now?
Uh
No, no. Now's not really
a great time for me.
How about you guys come
back same time next week?
And I'll be a little bit more settled,
and I'll know that you're there.
You's are marrying us Saturday.
Peter arranged it, but.
But what?
But nothing, but.
Um
Look, don't you think you guys are
I don't know, maybe
rushing this a little bit?
This is our third go.
- At marriage?
- At a wedding.
Last two ministers
died on us. Tragic as.
Yeah, not pretty, mate.
It's gotta be Saturday.
I can't hold Chad off
me much longer, but.
Right, okay.
How about we do it tomorrow?
Yeah? You can come on by,
and we'll run through the whole thing,
and we'll make it real special.
But.
- But.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Cheers, Rev.
Yeah, we'll see you lovebirds soon.
- Yeah, tomorrow.
- Yeah!
- We know where to find you.
- Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, you do.
Wow.
Tax returns, receipts, uh
Ah, resumé.
Found you.
Ohh, jackpot.
♪
Yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
Yes!
Who are you?
- Daisy.
- Hi, Daisy.
I'm not open for business yet.
I live here.
- Excuse me?
- It's unofficial.
So you're squatting?
Reverend Dawe used to
let me when my dad's away.
That is super nice of him.
Um, but no, not anymore.
You're gonna have to find
a new place to sleep tonight
'cause I need to make a phone call.
Um, the bell tower or the
jetty at the end of the beach.
Huh?
If you wanna make a call,
those are your only options.
Great.
That's that's that's
Thanks.
Don't touch my stuff.
[DOOR SLAMS]
[LINE TRILLING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Lou, Lou, Lou, it got it, man!
I've got everything.
Let's find this prick.
I'm well. Thank you.
I'm gonna send everything through.
It might take a minute.
I've only got one bar.
I'll make some calls,
but it's gonna take some time.
This ain't no Google search.
Yeah, thanks, man.
I'm gonna call you from
the road tomorrow, okay?
Where are you going now?
Back to civilization.
Civilization is cameras and cops.
Look, the only way you gonna
survive the next 24 hours
is to stay where you are.
- I don't need
- [DIAL TONE BLARING]
- Lou?
- Paulo?
Hello?
Lewis?
Lou? Lou.
He's an enthusiastic customer.
The bloke nearly died
a couple of hours ago.
[HUMMING]
Ah!
Ooh!
[WHIMPERS]
Anyone got odds on him
for earlier than a week?
♪
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Okay. Okay.
Look, sorry everybody.
It's church business.
Yep. Okay. There we go.
Thanks, man.
[LINE TRILLING]
You are a dead man.
Paulo Keegan, my friend.
I've got your whole
life story, every name.
Every person. There is no
place you can hide from me.
I want you to know, I don't feel great
about what I did.
I mean, I think we really got along.
- Honestly, we connected.
- Okay.
And I did not set out
to steal from you, okay?
But your talk of freedom,
it was just so rallying.
You have a gift.
Yeah, okay, well, I'll tell you what.
If you come to Clump
right now with the money,
there is a chance that I won't kill you.
Wait a second, are you in Clump?
You are, you're at the church.
That's how you know all
this information, Paulo.
This is so great, yes!
You're me, and I'm you.
Ha!
I am gonna hunt you
down, and I will find you.
Well, actually, you know
what you sound like?
Yes, you sound like Liam Neeson.
Oh, in that movie "Taken."
You know, Paulo, I was thinking,
we just might be each other's angels.
- Okay.
- Think about it.
We meet, you and I,
at pretty terrible points in our lives,
but because we met, we've been
given this golden opportunity
to reinvent ourselves.
Maybe there is a God after all.
Well, if there is, you
better make peace with him
because there is not place
on Earth I won't find you
and kill you.
- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- [PLEASANT MUSIC]
♪
[PHONE CHIMES]
A new car?
Are you kidding me?
♪
Excuse me.
God! Come on!
♪
[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER]
♪
I'm very sorry for you loss, Lorenzo.
Guido was
Such a great kid.
He was a spoiled idiot.
He had no business being
there in the first place.
We can't even have an open casket.
His head looks like
a cracked watermelon.
Any word on Paulo?
Checked his apartment.
His stuff is there,
but his passport's gone.
Shame.
I always like Paulo.
Smart guy.
Probably wasn't even his fault.
But Guido is my son.
He'll have fled the country by now.
So check everyone on our payroll.
Police, officials, airport.
Doesn't matter what dark
hole Paulo's crawled into,
his head will pop up for air.
And when it does,
you will be there to cut it off.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
♪
[CHOIR SINGING]
♪