It's Bruno! (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1 ["Best Friend" playing.]
Getting at the highway Looking for another way To break away from mine every day 'Cause I know that you face it you're mine You say thoughts that reflect from my mind We get lost recollecting your touch You're my best friend You're my best friend Maybe look the side way Looking for a straighter way To take away my lonely day 'Cause I know that you face it you're mine You say thoughts that connect to my mind We get lost with reflecting your touch You're my best friend Bruno! Bruno! Bruno! Yep! Yes, Bruno Down.
Good boy.
Cute dog.
You have a nice dog as well.
Angie.
Sit.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Sit.
Good boy, Bruno.
Angie.
Down.
Good girl, Angie.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno.
Down.
Bruno, down.
All the way down.
No, down.
Have a nice day, sir.
Bruno.
You've gotta go down when I tell you go down, buddy.
Huh, this ain't over.
[woman.]
Oh! Look at the puppy.
You see it? Hello.
Hey, sweetheart.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hey, hey, hey! Don't touch my dog.
What's wrong with you? I'm just petting your dog.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Excuse me! She's a human being.
Yeah, did you like that? No, I didn't.
I don't like you petting my dog either, and this is a human being as well.
Come on, Bruno.
[sighs.]
[man.]
Charlie! [kisses.]
Stop with the Charlie shit.
His name's Bruno.
 It's Bruno.
His name's Charlie like his daddy named after me.
His daddy? I'm his daddy, and his name is Bruno.
Everybody on the block knows his name is Charlie.
I named him.
- You named my dog? - Come on! Every time I say Charlie [kisses.]
he responds to me.
He even looks like a Charlie.
Stop calling my fucking dog Charlie, all right? It's Bruno.
You understand? It's Bruno.
I love him.
That's good.
I love him.
- It's Bruno.
- Charlie.
All right.
I'll see you later, Charlie.
My little Charlie Junior.
[kisses.]
Beautiful dog.
Five Dollar Friday Five dollar Friday Today's Five Dollar What's today? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch the damn cart.
Don't kick the motherfucking merchandise.
You almost hit Bruno with that thing.
Well, Malcolm, maybe Bruno shouldn't take up so much space on the goddamn sidewalk.
I got a business to run here.
A business? You call this a business? You're selling stolen shit out of a stolen shopping cart.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's all the accusations? I have you know Carl's cart is a certified vendor with a city-approved permit.
Oh, okay.
Let's see the permit.
I don't feel like going through the paperwork right now.
There's no city that's giving Crackhead Carl a permit to sell stolen shit.
I would prefer you just call me Carl.
The shit that I smoke does not need to be put in front of my name.
What if I called your dog ball-licking Bruno? Now, is there anything that you like? Because today is five dollar Friday.
Everything five dollars off.
Five dollars off a steak.
Five dollars off a plunger.
- Five dollars off a laptop.
- I'd like for you to get Carl's cart off the fucking sidewalk when you see Bruno.
Fuck you, Malcolm! Passing up on all these Gifts What's good, Leslie? Don't ask me shit you don't want the answer to.
Yeah, nice to see you, too.
Um Where's the turkey meat? No one bought that fancy stuff but you, so it wasn't worth having.
That's what Bruno eats.
I bought enough to pay the light bill here.
No, you didn't.
The light bill is more.
Go to the supermarket like everyone else.
You know they don't let dogs in there.
This is Bruno's spot.
This is not Bruno's spot.
This is my spot.
You want a small bag of chips? A Snapple? A loosie? A Phillies? Some lotto numbers? You come here to my bodega.
You want some fancy-ass meat, fresh produce, broccoli, whatever the hell you eat? You go to the supermarket.
Whatever.
Carl's cart We're not a supermarket! What the fuck? ["Una Voce Poco Fa" playing.]
[singing in Italian.]
Come on.
You know the rules.
- No dogs allowed.
- Come on.
Let my dog in your supermarket.
You know my dog.
He's not gonna do anything.
Okay, so if you tell it to sit and stay, it'll listen? Yeah.
Bruno, sit.
You see? He sits.
Stay? Yeah, he'll stay.
Good, then he could sit and stay his ass out there.
Have a good day.
Come on, Bruno.
All right, Bruno.
Come on.
I want you to stay here.
Okay, buddy? I want you to stay here.
All right? You're gonna be a good boy.
I'll be right back.
Stay, okay? I love you.
I love you.
Stay.
Oh, hey.
I guess we like the same kind of meat.
[chuckles.]
This ain't your bedroom, you know? We're in the supermarket.
Come on.
Oh, hell no! Hey! Hey! You son of a bitch! Hey! What are you doing? You stealing my dog? No, this is my dog.
What are you talking about? This is my dog.
No, this is my dog.
Are you nuts? You just took him from me.
It's my dog.
No, it's my dog.
[Spanish pop music playing.]
What are you doing, kid? What are you doing? - Who raised you? - [man.]
I raised him.
Is there a problem here? Why's he dancing? When there's music, he dances.
You raised him? Yeah.
That's my boy.
[cracking.]
No, there's no problem here.
Come on, Bruno.
Let's go.
Better not be.
Okay, break it down.
Do that thing.
[laughs.]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I like.
Hey, Charlie! - [man 2.]
What up, little Charlie? - Everybody on the block knows his name is Charlie.
[man 2.]
Learn your fucking dog's name, man.
What the fuck you doing? - Keep pushing.
- That's right.
Keep it moving.
[car horns honking.]
[sighs.]
Bruno.
You've got to go down when I tell you go down, please.
You can't embarrass us.
[sighs.]
Bruno.
Please.
Down.
Charlie? Down? [Malcolm.]
You wanna change my dog's name, huh? You wanna mess with my life? Oh, this ain't over.
["Speak to the Wind" playing.]
What's up? Oh, you again, huh? That's right.
Bruno.
Sit.
Angie.
Sit.
Bruno.
Down.
Angie.
Down.
Bruno.
Roll over.
Angie.
Roll over.
Roll over.
Roll over, Angie.
You have a nice day now.
Angie, roll over! Roll over, Angie! [distorted.]
Charlie! Oh, shit!