Joan of Arcadia s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
Chief, I didn't mean you'd to come down, I was just calling to let you know Drug related? We don't know yet, it's only an hour old You I.
D'd her? Not yet, no purse or anything.
Chief look.
You show up on a call like this the guys are going to think you dont trust them Yeah, I wouldn't want them to think that Officer Did you get a picture of this? - What? - Boot print Osborn! Get over here Get a photo of that boot print Yes Sir.
Sir the M.
E.
just arrived Woa, wait a minute The medical examiner is just getting here Yes Sir.
Chief So tell me, she was found with that blanket already on her? no sir.
she was just lying there, out in the open You've contaminated the scene officer.
It's procedure 101 I'm sorry sir Just go get the M.
E.
He's not homicide, he's the officer on parole.
Luck of the draw He's a cop isn't he? he passed the exam I get your point and I'm gonna take care of it Just to reiterate, you showing up on the scene on a routine investigation Lt.
Daghilan, when these investigations become routine I wont have to show up any more Joan! Joan! Joan! I don't want to be late for work! why have my kids stopped listening to me? why have my kids stopped listening to me? Thank You! Mystery solved Morning Everything ok? Aw, there was supposed to be a perk to this position, like not having to go out in the middle of thenight Oh, you thought that was police business? Cute! Joan! I mean it! Kevin! Let him sleep Why? Mom, you know all that stuff in my room You know, the candles and the crystals and stuff? Yeah, don't-don't touch that.
I'm doing this experiment with light.
I want him to go job hunting today Will Really important experiment He doesn't know anybody.
Give him time to adjust Life altering stuff I'm not listening to you Luke Good to know We've been here 4 months.
Joan's adjusted, Luke's adjusted Also good to know World wont end if he sleeps another half hour, Helen Doctor was very specific about this No preferential treatment.
We all agreed If we treat him special, hell expect the world to do that I've heard all the same lectures as you Ever had a strange feeling that you are being discussed? I never get that Because you're too boring Yeah-yeah, that's what I'm thinking I, I put the classifieds there, and I circled some things What, No C.
E.
O positions available? Just as well I'd be the only one whose mother has to drive him to work You are gonna learn how to drive UH.
I already know how to drive.
That's how this all started you know what I mean.
You never mind Apparently, you don't have to do anything So, what you do, is that, you shoot these photon with a of paper There's A Pervert In The Yard! - and a pervert appears in the yard - What? I'm telling you! Uh, um, if you need any muscle, just yell He was standing right here Looking up at my window.
He was here What did he look like? I don't know.
I couldn't see his face.
He h-He had a dark coat on Pervert coat? He was here Did you notice anything else? Did you happen to see his shoes? Oh yeah, I think they were Gucci It was probably Mr.
Sellers.
He's always out early He's overly involved with his gutters It wasn't Mr.
Sellers, and last night I heard someone calling me In this weird voice, in my room Joan, there definitely wasn't anyone in your room last night I'm not crazy! Come eat your breakfast.
You're going to be late for school Please, excuse Joan from first period.
She was hallucinating Oh, Shut Up weirdo Oh, I'm the weirdo? yeah! You are Eh, Eh Enough! Lets go eat a civilized family breakfast Always good to try something new I saw him daddy Come here Abigail Dorset is the victims name.
18 years old, a run away.
She spent the last couple of nights at a teen shelter Were still looking for the next of kin The Victim was sexually assaulted, beaten and strangled.
Forensics has determined that she did not die in the location she was found Got forensics on the boot print? Government issue.
Probably Army boot Someone with a military history? It's possible.
Alright, I need you guys to hit all the teen shelters, find out if there are any missing girls Hey, How's it going? That depends, are you following me? Me, no.
Just going to school You go to my school? I've never seen you before Well, you know.
I keep a low profile I'm Joan It's nice to meet you - Here's the part were you say- your name - Let's walk this way In the opposite direction of school.
I don't think so Joan, I wanna talk to you Unless I'm missing something, we are talking I mean, I wanna be honest Who are you? I saw you today Saw me where? Outside of your house.
Look, I didn't mean to scare you Wa-wait that was YOU? That guy was an old guy Ok, this is the difficult part I don't always look the same W- What are you talking about? What do you want with me? Cause I gotta warn you, my Dad's a cop He's not just any cop, he is The Cop I know who your father is, Joan He is Will Girardi.
Born September 4th 1955, Chicago His father was Gerald Girardi, his mother was Alma Monroe He had an uneventful childhood Attended Mother Caprini High School and Morten Junior Collage After that he joined the police force in 1980 Then he met your mother, one Helen Brodie She was an art school drop out You're the middle child of three About a year and a half ago your older brother, Kevin, was in a car accident Fractured his back.
Left him a paraplegic You have one other brother.
Luke, who's 15 Your favorite color is green You love salt on Cantaloupe Jim Das broke your heart in 8th grade And, you're afraid of clowns Who are you? I've known you since before you were born, Joan I'm going to ask you one more time I am God You're What? God Don't EVER Talk To Me Again What? You've attracted the attention of the future Unabomber What am I supposed to do? You're on your own This is the last thing I need Joan! Joan? - Pouvez-vous lire le paragraphe suivant s'il vous plait? Can you read the next paragraph please? - I don't think so - Non? Pourquois Pas? Pourquois I - don't speak French Marlene? Did you see this excuse slip for Marty Wilkens? Maybe Don't you think his mother, who's a lawyer, would know how to spell either sore or throat.
She'd get one of them right I'll call him in after lunch.
Oh, look who's here Joan? Mom.
Apparently I'm getting some kind of award Oh really? Most likely to end up in Big Rig School? A lot of people would consider you working here a conflict of interest That's fascinating Ah Miss Girardi.
Let's have a chat This was really just a misunderstanding Well I look forward to being enlightened Fifth time this month Fourth! Hey God! Get lost, I mean it I know you think you mean it You know, I'm going to give my father a full description and a composite drawing of you, both before dark Maybe, he'll be too busy looking for creative ways to ground you for mouthing off in French class Are you spying on me? I'm omniscient Joan, comes with the Job Ok.
So, you're God Yes As in - God Right Old Testament, Tower of Babel, Burning bush, Ten Commandments - God I come off a little friendlier in the new testament and the Koran but uh, Yeah, same God.
.
And, I'm supposed to believe you - because? Because you have a feeling No, I don't How about you believe me if I agree to overlook that promise you didn't keep What promise? Let's see.
That you would study hard, stop talking back clean your room, and even go to church, if I recall, If I let your brother live How did you know about that? Omniscient! Look it up So - you let my brother live, and now you're here to collect? No.
I don't bargain.
That would be cruel Ok.
So, Lets say you're God Thank you I want to ask you some questions No No? No.
As a general rule, I ask the questions Are you, Are you being snippy with me? God is snippy Let me explain something to you Joan It goes like this: I don't look like this I don't look like anything you'd recognize You cant see me.
I don't sound like this.
I don't sound like anything you'd recognize You see I'm beyond your experience I take this form because you're comfortable with it It makes sense to you If I'm snippy with you its because you understand snippy Do ya get it? Sort of Good, cause I'm really not snippy I've got a great personality You'd like me Uh, I'm not religious you know It's not about religion Joan.
It's about fulfilling your nature Oh, Uh, I definitely haven't done that Exactly Uh, um well, lets say you're God Joan, I am God! Ok, well lets see a miracle Ok, How bout that? That's a tree Lets see you make one So, do you just go around, appearing to people? Um, a minor correction I'm not appearing to you.
You are seeing me Ok fine! Is it kinda weird that I have a crush on you? I'm not gonna look like this the next time The next time? I'm gonna be dropping in on you Joan Now and then Why? Lets just say I need you to do some favors Why? Do you notice how I'm not answering any of the whys? I want you to get a job, at the Skylight bookstore Its about 3 bus stops from here Managers name is Sammy.
Now, He's snippy Its important you do this pretty soon Don't ask why And if I say no? Am I gonna burst into flames? Where do you people get this stuff? Have I ever made any body burst into flames? Do as I ask.
I'll see you around Wait one more thing Soon! Joan You in? Oh no The Florida Keys We've always wanted to go there You always wanted to go there I hate sand, water and bugs And I really hate it when they all get together Ok.
How about Canada? We could do that Rail Thing Helen, Canada is where people go when they cant really afford to go on a vacation Ok, you win.
Well go visit my parents Oh! I don't think I can get away Really.
The job is too new I'm still on probation as far as this city concerned We used to always go somewhere for Christmas Well, thing how it would be for Kevin Putting him in that same old situation where he has to look at the difference He needs to start looking at something, besides MTV There's no rule that says he has to bounce back right away? It's been a year and a half since the accident If he did something If he got a job, I think he'd feel better He would? Or you would? Hey! We're doing ok We are? Your daughter is hallucinating men in the backyard Couldn't we talk about this some other time? Yeah Yeah! The thing about going away for Christmas Will, is that it would be a start And we could get up there, and we could see what the world looks like to us now I cant think more then a day ahead because I cant imagine my life, of my sons life, being the way it is forever Cant you just be happy he lived? Of course I can I'm grateful for that every day Enter Hey, What'ya doing? Rehearsing for my part in a big musical I'm studying, what else do I do? No, I won't do your math No, no, no I don't want you to do my math I just wanted to, you know, talk Right So, you're a science geek right? I prefer man of science but.
.
Do you believe in God? Sure! It's Logical It is? If you accept the special theory of relativity which I do and the laws of thermo dynamics which I do and then you throw in the fact that life is conscious which it appears to be, you know, how can you argue? Do you think it could be, you know, just walking around in the world? Like a person? Um.
Er.
You know, it's not empirically inconsistent You know because everything is energy and energy can manifest itself into any form depending on its rate of vibration So, God could like vibrate himself into the form of a really cute guy around my age? See.
I knew there was a guy in this Yes, or No.
Could it happen? As the great physics Pharaday once said.
Nothing is too wonderful to be true Hey Girl, ok, so who's the guy? What guy? I saw you talking to him after school Is he from where you used to live? Cause he is definitely not from around here Wait you saw him? Well, you were just standing out there What did he look like? Take it easy You want to know what your own boyfriend looks like? He's cute.
You hurt my arm Describe him Brown hair Corduroy Jacket Orlando Bloom-ish And it looked like you too were having a fight OH my god.
I knew it, you saw him, he is just a guy Are you ok? Yeah, I'm fine He's not my boyfriend He's some weirdo who started talking to me on the bus So, are you going to go out with him? No.
I'm telling you, he's crazy.
Thinks he's god What else is new? You fix this You do something about it right now It's a lie! They can't just print this lie It has nothing to do with us Mrs.
Dorsett We released a general statement Who released it? You? This is my baby girl Do you realize that? - Yes, I do - What's the problem This is Mrs.
Dorsett.
Abigail's mother On T.
V.
they called her a prostitute I got this off the Internet where everyone can see it This is chief Girardi Did you do this? I'm very sorry for your loss Doesn't it occur to you people that she was someone's daughter? Of course it does.
We release a general statement the press often provides the details Mrs.
Dorsett, and for that I am truly sorry I know what this means, Mr.
Girardi Call her a Hooker, nobody has to panic.
Nobody has to find who killed her This was my baby! You find him! Help for the homeless? Anything you can give God bless you Let me ask you something What is God thinking? Excuse me? What's he thinking? Um What's he up too? You know, the parking lot version Well, it's not really something I'm prepared to answer Why not, you got the collar on Says to the world you got some sorta handle on it What you're asking is complicated Well, give it a shot Starting with why he lets people suffer? I'm putting you on the spot Um, I'm sorry.
I'll just be going He's a father right, he's supposed to be a father What father wouldn't fix his kids problems if he possible could? And he's master of the universe, so he's pretty capable Is he out of ideas? Is he bored? What? Ma'am, I can see you're in a spiritual crisis and if you would like to make an appointment you could come down to my parish I would be more then happy to No, no.
I'm sorry I'm pretty emotional right now Good luck with the homeless No, wait.
Look, I'll pray for you Really! What will you say? Help that emotional woman from the parking lot Ok.
Sure What part of the fish is this anyway? I don't want to go there I'm on a diet I'm just having cake Do you want to come sit with us? Yeah, sure Well be over there Hi.
Can I get some extra tartar sauce? Sure you can baby This is a five star restaurant How come you didn't get the job? Excuse me? I think I made myself clear I told you that crush thing wouldn't be a problem Could we possibly talk about this somewhere else? Well just do what I tell you and we wont have to discuss it Couldn't be easier Move along now, your holding up the line What you need children? - Hey - Hey, what's going on? Why are you home? I took the day off work What for? Wow, see how happy they look Will my teeth be that straight too? No need to thank me Thing is, I'm afraid its going to make me too popular You could reconsider collage No.
The only reason I was going to collage was to play baseball I'm not the brains of the family Yeah, well there's still so much you could do Mom! Don't you think I wish I was one of those people who gets all jazzed about the wheelchair Olympics? I'm doing ok, considering Stop trying to make me the worlds best invalid When you were little, and I would take you to the park or a store People would stop you and tell you how beautiful I was How special you are You have this quality, everyone senses it, and I can't believe your purpose in life is over just because you lost the ability to walk Mom Walking is over rated anyways Most people try to avoid it That's why we have so much traffic and skateboards, scooters and golf carts and road rage Because of how much everyone hates walking When your sister gets home I want you to talk to her About what? She's going through something Do you think she's cracking up? No! I think she's going through something She needs a big brother That hasn't changed Hey! Hey! Mom wants me to talk to you To make sure I'm not crazy? Yep, so, are you crazy No Ok, I'm glad we had this talk Maybe.
I don't know How are you supposed to know? Is there a sign or a checklist or website? I guess it's just the usual stuff Do you believe in U.
F.
O's? Do you hear voices? Are you Michael Jackson? If voices have people attached are they still considered voices? Joan, here's the thing Mom likes normal Dad really likes normal Before my accident Luke was all they could handle in the freak for a kid department Now they've got me You're their only hope for normal That's just wrong But it sounded good though didn't it I'm sorry.
What did I do? Did you feel that? Yeah No - No I can't feel it.
No way You jerk! I felt that! Calm down.
You're wheezing Yes you are Just start over Is it moving? Is it breathing? If its moving and breathing its not dead Damn it Heidi, if it's hopping it's really not dead It's cheerful I told you we should get a rabbit for a pet It's not a pet it's food Heidi, Heidi, don't Hi, Joan Girardi I don't sell Harry Potter anything No, I'm here about the Job Yeah, the one that you were advertising Oh sorry, that's for someone who can see over the counter Well, I'm 16.
I've had lots of jobs Really? Name all 4 books in the Alexandria quartet See, now somebody might ask you questions like that And then I'd say I'll look it up in the computer I'm good with computers Yeah, everyone's good with computers, Digital cameras, cell phones, and TiVo But no one can form an objective thought to save their lives Go home, Please Hiring you would only complicate my life because I would have to rant and rave about your shabby education and I have enough to rant and rave about Was that your daughter on the phone? My wife A grown woman who is hysterical over a sick rabbit I don't need any more adolescents in my life Well, if you hire me, then you can go take care of it I know how to run a cash register and I know how to answer the phone And I can count way past ten So if you just run along and take your wife's rabbit to the vet And when you come back if I haven't burnt down the store or something you could hire me You don't happen to have any references on you? No, but I was sent by God She said, revealing her acerbic wit.
My dad's Will Girardi, he's the chief of police.
Really Don't steal anything Don't take any checks don't give any refunds I will be back at 6 Her name is Lindsay Mitchell Junior at AHS Her mother reported her missing yesterday afternoon She's been dead about 24 hours Its the same guy Same M.
O.
Foot prints a match Well, How do you want to handle this? It's your call What would you do? I'd go to medical school like my mother wanted Yeah, no kidding Baptism by napalm You wanna share this? Is that you? Come on, your getting wet You'll catch cold Look, can we think of some way to do this You know, like some kind of code word because that stunt in the cafeteria was tres un-amusing I'll give you a ride, my cars right here Wow, God has a car Yeah God has a bad car God has The Club You know, I think I'm going to walk Na, come on You don't want to do that - it's cold.
It's going to be fine - No What the hell are you doing? Why are you leaving? There was a man What, what man? A man tried to get me in his car What? What man? I thought I was going to be home by six but then the owner was late getting back I'm sorry I scared you You go and get a job Just like that Without telling any body You're always bugging Kevin to get one That's Kevin.
You're in school Some parents would say I was industrious Some parents haven't seen your report card And then there was this man, was kind of following me What?! You were saving that for later? I didn't want to upset you Too late! Why don't you let me handle this? Ok, fine.
I kinda miss the 50s I swear there was a man daddy The same man? No, a different one Why are you doing this.
Is this some kind of prank? For attention Because there is really is someone out there Joan And if there's a man following you, I need to know There is.
I mean, I think there is The one earlier, he turned out to be someone else But the one tonight, he seemed real I don't want this to be happening to me dad What is happening? You can tell me What ever it is, we'll deal with it Joan, I'll get you a doctor, a counselor, a priest We'll make it ok That's my job Look at me I'm not going to loose you, for any reason Do you understand? - Night Lieutenant.
- Good night Chief keeping bankers hours tonight? He had some family business He's a funny one isn't he He's the boss sergeant G'd night, sir Osborne, Give me a minute.
What's this? Guy was doing 60 down Grand View ran a red light, mouthed off a bit Decided I'd drag it out, not let him go You run the check on him? He's got nothing, not even a speeding ticket You let him kick him? I just thought, he mouthed off, I teach him a lesson Let's put him up over night Sir, for what? Call it resisting arrest I want to talk to him in the morning Ok.
You want to talk to the guy for running a red light? Uh, yeah.
And I want the chief to be there too Joan.
Joan! Joan.
Hi.
I appreciate what you did I mean, it was kinda stupid and you got in trouble but it was brave and I get your point I have a point? My little sister can get a job I've got no excuse So, you're shaming me back into the world But you're right It's time.
Ah, go back to sleep
D'd her? Not yet, no purse or anything.
Chief look.
You show up on a call like this the guys are going to think you dont trust them Yeah, I wouldn't want them to think that Officer Did you get a picture of this? - What? - Boot print Osborn! Get over here Get a photo of that boot print Yes Sir.
Sir the M.
E.
just arrived Woa, wait a minute The medical examiner is just getting here Yes Sir.
Chief So tell me, she was found with that blanket already on her? no sir.
she was just lying there, out in the open You've contaminated the scene officer.
It's procedure 101 I'm sorry sir Just go get the M.
E.
He's not homicide, he's the officer on parole.
Luck of the draw He's a cop isn't he? he passed the exam I get your point and I'm gonna take care of it Just to reiterate, you showing up on the scene on a routine investigation Lt.
Daghilan, when these investigations become routine I wont have to show up any more Joan! Joan! Joan! I don't want to be late for work! why have my kids stopped listening to me? why have my kids stopped listening to me? Thank You! Mystery solved Morning Everything ok? Aw, there was supposed to be a perk to this position, like not having to go out in the middle of thenight Oh, you thought that was police business? Cute! Joan! I mean it! Kevin! Let him sleep Why? Mom, you know all that stuff in my room You know, the candles and the crystals and stuff? Yeah, don't-don't touch that.
I'm doing this experiment with light.
I want him to go job hunting today Will Really important experiment He doesn't know anybody.
Give him time to adjust Life altering stuff I'm not listening to you Luke Good to know We've been here 4 months.
Joan's adjusted, Luke's adjusted Also good to know World wont end if he sleeps another half hour, Helen Doctor was very specific about this No preferential treatment.
We all agreed If we treat him special, hell expect the world to do that I've heard all the same lectures as you Ever had a strange feeling that you are being discussed? I never get that Because you're too boring Yeah-yeah, that's what I'm thinking I, I put the classifieds there, and I circled some things What, No C.
E.
O positions available? Just as well I'd be the only one whose mother has to drive him to work You are gonna learn how to drive UH.
I already know how to drive.
That's how this all started you know what I mean.
You never mind Apparently, you don't have to do anything So, what you do, is that, you shoot these photon with a of paper There's A Pervert In The Yard! - and a pervert appears in the yard - What? I'm telling you! Uh, um, if you need any muscle, just yell He was standing right here Looking up at my window.
He was here What did he look like? I don't know.
I couldn't see his face.
He h-He had a dark coat on Pervert coat? He was here Did you notice anything else? Did you happen to see his shoes? Oh yeah, I think they were Gucci It was probably Mr.
Sellers.
He's always out early He's overly involved with his gutters It wasn't Mr.
Sellers, and last night I heard someone calling me In this weird voice, in my room Joan, there definitely wasn't anyone in your room last night I'm not crazy! Come eat your breakfast.
You're going to be late for school Please, excuse Joan from first period.
She was hallucinating Oh, Shut Up weirdo Oh, I'm the weirdo? yeah! You are Eh, Eh Enough! Lets go eat a civilized family breakfast Always good to try something new I saw him daddy Come here Abigail Dorset is the victims name.
18 years old, a run away.
She spent the last couple of nights at a teen shelter Were still looking for the next of kin The Victim was sexually assaulted, beaten and strangled.
Forensics has determined that she did not die in the location she was found Got forensics on the boot print? Government issue.
Probably Army boot Someone with a military history? It's possible.
Alright, I need you guys to hit all the teen shelters, find out if there are any missing girls Hey, How's it going? That depends, are you following me? Me, no.
Just going to school You go to my school? I've never seen you before Well, you know.
I keep a low profile I'm Joan It's nice to meet you - Here's the part were you say- your name - Let's walk this way In the opposite direction of school.
I don't think so Joan, I wanna talk to you Unless I'm missing something, we are talking I mean, I wanna be honest Who are you? I saw you today Saw me where? Outside of your house.
Look, I didn't mean to scare you Wa-wait that was YOU? That guy was an old guy Ok, this is the difficult part I don't always look the same W- What are you talking about? What do you want with me? Cause I gotta warn you, my Dad's a cop He's not just any cop, he is The Cop I know who your father is, Joan He is Will Girardi.
Born September 4th 1955, Chicago His father was Gerald Girardi, his mother was Alma Monroe He had an uneventful childhood Attended Mother Caprini High School and Morten Junior Collage After that he joined the police force in 1980 Then he met your mother, one Helen Brodie She was an art school drop out You're the middle child of three About a year and a half ago your older brother, Kevin, was in a car accident Fractured his back.
Left him a paraplegic You have one other brother.
Luke, who's 15 Your favorite color is green You love salt on Cantaloupe Jim Das broke your heart in 8th grade And, you're afraid of clowns Who are you? I've known you since before you were born, Joan I'm going to ask you one more time I am God You're What? God Don't EVER Talk To Me Again What? You've attracted the attention of the future Unabomber What am I supposed to do? You're on your own This is the last thing I need Joan! Joan? - Pouvez-vous lire le paragraphe suivant s'il vous plait? Can you read the next paragraph please? - I don't think so - Non? Pourquois Pas? Pourquois I - don't speak French Marlene? Did you see this excuse slip for Marty Wilkens? Maybe Don't you think his mother, who's a lawyer, would know how to spell either sore or throat.
She'd get one of them right I'll call him in after lunch.
Oh, look who's here Joan? Mom.
Apparently I'm getting some kind of award Oh really? Most likely to end up in Big Rig School? A lot of people would consider you working here a conflict of interest That's fascinating Ah Miss Girardi.
Let's have a chat This was really just a misunderstanding Well I look forward to being enlightened Fifth time this month Fourth! Hey God! Get lost, I mean it I know you think you mean it You know, I'm going to give my father a full description and a composite drawing of you, both before dark Maybe, he'll be too busy looking for creative ways to ground you for mouthing off in French class Are you spying on me? I'm omniscient Joan, comes with the Job Ok.
So, you're God Yes As in - God Right Old Testament, Tower of Babel, Burning bush, Ten Commandments - God I come off a little friendlier in the new testament and the Koran but uh, Yeah, same God.
.
And, I'm supposed to believe you - because? Because you have a feeling No, I don't How about you believe me if I agree to overlook that promise you didn't keep What promise? Let's see.
That you would study hard, stop talking back clean your room, and even go to church, if I recall, If I let your brother live How did you know about that? Omniscient! Look it up So - you let my brother live, and now you're here to collect? No.
I don't bargain.
That would be cruel Ok.
So, Lets say you're God Thank you I want to ask you some questions No No? No.
As a general rule, I ask the questions Are you, Are you being snippy with me? God is snippy Let me explain something to you Joan It goes like this: I don't look like this I don't look like anything you'd recognize You cant see me.
I don't sound like this.
I don't sound like anything you'd recognize You see I'm beyond your experience I take this form because you're comfortable with it It makes sense to you If I'm snippy with you its because you understand snippy Do ya get it? Sort of Good, cause I'm really not snippy I've got a great personality You'd like me Uh, I'm not religious you know It's not about religion Joan.
It's about fulfilling your nature Oh, Uh, I definitely haven't done that Exactly Uh, um well, lets say you're God Joan, I am God! Ok, well lets see a miracle Ok, How bout that? That's a tree Lets see you make one So, do you just go around, appearing to people? Um, a minor correction I'm not appearing to you.
You are seeing me Ok fine! Is it kinda weird that I have a crush on you? I'm not gonna look like this the next time The next time? I'm gonna be dropping in on you Joan Now and then Why? Lets just say I need you to do some favors Why? Do you notice how I'm not answering any of the whys? I want you to get a job, at the Skylight bookstore Its about 3 bus stops from here Managers name is Sammy.
Now, He's snippy Its important you do this pretty soon Don't ask why And if I say no? Am I gonna burst into flames? Where do you people get this stuff? Have I ever made any body burst into flames? Do as I ask.
I'll see you around Wait one more thing Soon! Joan You in? Oh no The Florida Keys We've always wanted to go there You always wanted to go there I hate sand, water and bugs And I really hate it when they all get together Ok.
How about Canada? We could do that Rail Thing Helen, Canada is where people go when they cant really afford to go on a vacation Ok, you win.
Well go visit my parents Oh! I don't think I can get away Really.
The job is too new I'm still on probation as far as this city concerned We used to always go somewhere for Christmas Well, thing how it would be for Kevin Putting him in that same old situation where he has to look at the difference He needs to start looking at something, besides MTV There's no rule that says he has to bounce back right away? It's been a year and a half since the accident If he did something If he got a job, I think he'd feel better He would? Or you would? Hey! We're doing ok We are? Your daughter is hallucinating men in the backyard Couldn't we talk about this some other time? Yeah Yeah! The thing about going away for Christmas Will, is that it would be a start And we could get up there, and we could see what the world looks like to us now I cant think more then a day ahead because I cant imagine my life, of my sons life, being the way it is forever Cant you just be happy he lived? Of course I can I'm grateful for that every day Enter Hey, What'ya doing? Rehearsing for my part in a big musical I'm studying, what else do I do? No, I won't do your math No, no, no I don't want you to do my math I just wanted to, you know, talk Right So, you're a science geek right? I prefer man of science but.
.
Do you believe in God? Sure! It's Logical It is? If you accept the special theory of relativity which I do and the laws of thermo dynamics which I do and then you throw in the fact that life is conscious which it appears to be, you know, how can you argue? Do you think it could be, you know, just walking around in the world? Like a person? Um.
Er.
You know, it's not empirically inconsistent You know because everything is energy and energy can manifest itself into any form depending on its rate of vibration So, God could like vibrate himself into the form of a really cute guy around my age? See.
I knew there was a guy in this Yes, or No.
Could it happen? As the great physics Pharaday once said.
Nothing is too wonderful to be true Hey Girl, ok, so who's the guy? What guy? I saw you talking to him after school Is he from where you used to live? Cause he is definitely not from around here Wait you saw him? Well, you were just standing out there What did he look like? Take it easy You want to know what your own boyfriend looks like? He's cute.
You hurt my arm Describe him Brown hair Corduroy Jacket Orlando Bloom-ish And it looked like you too were having a fight OH my god.
I knew it, you saw him, he is just a guy Are you ok? Yeah, I'm fine He's not my boyfriend He's some weirdo who started talking to me on the bus So, are you going to go out with him? No.
I'm telling you, he's crazy.
Thinks he's god What else is new? You fix this You do something about it right now It's a lie! They can't just print this lie It has nothing to do with us Mrs.
Dorsett We released a general statement Who released it? You? This is my baby girl Do you realize that? - Yes, I do - What's the problem This is Mrs.
Dorsett.
Abigail's mother On T.
V.
they called her a prostitute I got this off the Internet where everyone can see it This is chief Girardi Did you do this? I'm very sorry for your loss Doesn't it occur to you people that she was someone's daughter? Of course it does.
We release a general statement the press often provides the details Mrs.
Dorsett, and for that I am truly sorry I know what this means, Mr.
Girardi Call her a Hooker, nobody has to panic.
Nobody has to find who killed her This was my baby! You find him! Help for the homeless? Anything you can give God bless you Let me ask you something What is God thinking? Excuse me? What's he thinking? Um What's he up too? You know, the parking lot version Well, it's not really something I'm prepared to answer Why not, you got the collar on Says to the world you got some sorta handle on it What you're asking is complicated Well, give it a shot Starting with why he lets people suffer? I'm putting you on the spot Um, I'm sorry.
I'll just be going He's a father right, he's supposed to be a father What father wouldn't fix his kids problems if he possible could? And he's master of the universe, so he's pretty capable Is he out of ideas? Is he bored? What? Ma'am, I can see you're in a spiritual crisis and if you would like to make an appointment you could come down to my parish I would be more then happy to No, no.
I'm sorry I'm pretty emotional right now Good luck with the homeless No, wait.
Look, I'll pray for you Really! What will you say? Help that emotional woman from the parking lot Ok.
Sure What part of the fish is this anyway? I don't want to go there I'm on a diet I'm just having cake Do you want to come sit with us? Yeah, sure Well be over there Hi.
Can I get some extra tartar sauce? Sure you can baby This is a five star restaurant How come you didn't get the job? Excuse me? I think I made myself clear I told you that crush thing wouldn't be a problem Could we possibly talk about this somewhere else? Well just do what I tell you and we wont have to discuss it Couldn't be easier Move along now, your holding up the line What you need children? - Hey - Hey, what's going on? Why are you home? I took the day off work What for? Wow, see how happy they look Will my teeth be that straight too? No need to thank me Thing is, I'm afraid its going to make me too popular You could reconsider collage No.
The only reason I was going to collage was to play baseball I'm not the brains of the family Yeah, well there's still so much you could do Mom! Don't you think I wish I was one of those people who gets all jazzed about the wheelchair Olympics? I'm doing ok, considering Stop trying to make me the worlds best invalid When you were little, and I would take you to the park or a store People would stop you and tell you how beautiful I was How special you are You have this quality, everyone senses it, and I can't believe your purpose in life is over just because you lost the ability to walk Mom Walking is over rated anyways Most people try to avoid it That's why we have so much traffic and skateboards, scooters and golf carts and road rage Because of how much everyone hates walking When your sister gets home I want you to talk to her About what? She's going through something Do you think she's cracking up? No! I think she's going through something She needs a big brother That hasn't changed Hey! Hey! Mom wants me to talk to you To make sure I'm not crazy? Yep, so, are you crazy No Ok, I'm glad we had this talk Maybe.
I don't know How are you supposed to know? Is there a sign or a checklist or website? I guess it's just the usual stuff Do you believe in U.
F.
O's? Do you hear voices? Are you Michael Jackson? If voices have people attached are they still considered voices? Joan, here's the thing Mom likes normal Dad really likes normal Before my accident Luke was all they could handle in the freak for a kid department Now they've got me You're their only hope for normal That's just wrong But it sounded good though didn't it I'm sorry.
What did I do? Did you feel that? Yeah No - No I can't feel it.
No way You jerk! I felt that! Calm down.
You're wheezing Yes you are Just start over Is it moving? Is it breathing? If its moving and breathing its not dead Damn it Heidi, if it's hopping it's really not dead It's cheerful I told you we should get a rabbit for a pet It's not a pet it's food Heidi, Heidi, don't Hi, Joan Girardi I don't sell Harry Potter anything No, I'm here about the Job Yeah, the one that you were advertising Oh sorry, that's for someone who can see over the counter Well, I'm 16.
I've had lots of jobs Really? Name all 4 books in the Alexandria quartet See, now somebody might ask you questions like that And then I'd say I'll look it up in the computer I'm good with computers Yeah, everyone's good with computers, Digital cameras, cell phones, and TiVo But no one can form an objective thought to save their lives Go home, Please Hiring you would only complicate my life because I would have to rant and rave about your shabby education and I have enough to rant and rave about Was that your daughter on the phone? My wife A grown woman who is hysterical over a sick rabbit I don't need any more adolescents in my life Well, if you hire me, then you can go take care of it I know how to run a cash register and I know how to answer the phone And I can count way past ten So if you just run along and take your wife's rabbit to the vet And when you come back if I haven't burnt down the store or something you could hire me You don't happen to have any references on you? No, but I was sent by God She said, revealing her acerbic wit.
My dad's Will Girardi, he's the chief of police.
Really Don't steal anything Don't take any checks don't give any refunds I will be back at 6 Her name is Lindsay Mitchell Junior at AHS Her mother reported her missing yesterday afternoon She's been dead about 24 hours Its the same guy Same M.
O.
Foot prints a match Well, How do you want to handle this? It's your call What would you do? I'd go to medical school like my mother wanted Yeah, no kidding Baptism by napalm You wanna share this? Is that you? Come on, your getting wet You'll catch cold Look, can we think of some way to do this You know, like some kind of code word because that stunt in the cafeteria was tres un-amusing I'll give you a ride, my cars right here Wow, God has a car Yeah God has a bad car God has The Club You know, I think I'm going to walk Na, come on You don't want to do that - it's cold.
It's going to be fine - No What the hell are you doing? Why are you leaving? There was a man What, what man? A man tried to get me in his car What? What man? I thought I was going to be home by six but then the owner was late getting back I'm sorry I scared you You go and get a job Just like that Without telling any body You're always bugging Kevin to get one That's Kevin.
You're in school Some parents would say I was industrious Some parents haven't seen your report card And then there was this man, was kind of following me What?! You were saving that for later? I didn't want to upset you Too late! Why don't you let me handle this? Ok, fine.
I kinda miss the 50s I swear there was a man daddy The same man? No, a different one Why are you doing this.
Is this some kind of prank? For attention Because there is really is someone out there Joan And if there's a man following you, I need to know There is.
I mean, I think there is The one earlier, he turned out to be someone else But the one tonight, he seemed real I don't want this to be happening to me dad What is happening? You can tell me What ever it is, we'll deal with it Joan, I'll get you a doctor, a counselor, a priest We'll make it ok That's my job Look at me I'm not going to loose you, for any reason Do you understand? - Night Lieutenant.
- Good night Chief keeping bankers hours tonight? He had some family business He's a funny one isn't he He's the boss sergeant G'd night, sir Osborne, Give me a minute.
What's this? Guy was doing 60 down Grand View ran a red light, mouthed off a bit Decided I'd drag it out, not let him go You run the check on him? He's got nothing, not even a speeding ticket You let him kick him? I just thought, he mouthed off, I teach him a lesson Let's put him up over night Sir, for what? Call it resisting arrest I want to talk to him in the morning Ok.
You want to talk to the guy for running a red light? Uh, yeah.
And I want the chief to be there too Joan.
Joan! Joan.
Hi.
I appreciate what you did I mean, it was kinda stupid and you got in trouble but it was brave and I get your point I have a point? My little sister can get a job I've got no excuse So, you're shaming me back into the world But you're right It's time.
Ah, go back to sleep