Kaboul Kitchen (2012) s01e01 Episode Script
The Girl With The Big Suitcase
September 11, 2001 The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center collapse, George Bush's America goes to war thousands of American soldiers fly away to Afghanistan.
A few days later, Jacques Chirac brings France into the conflict.
Facing the military deployment, Ben Laden takes refuge in the mountains and the Talibans give up the capital city.
As soon as Kabul was back in order, NGO and UN agencies organize to rebuild a ruined country.
Thousands of Westerners land on Kabul with only one goal save the country.
I'm a damn fool, I chose the wrong job Why did I do public relations Run a restaurant in Kabul, then you'll talk But, your Kaboul Kitchen brings you a lot of money It brings US a lot of money.
By the way, you ever heard of Colonel Amanullah? He wants to stand for the parliamentary elections.
He wants me to deal with his campaign.
Go and ask Max.
I'll rather tell him no Why? Cause he's a drug dealer and a war criminal.
Wait, they emerge from 20 years of war and a third of their economy is based on the opium trade What did you expect??? To better than a thug parliament.
What you say is beautiful.
Take that, Mother Teresa, Your share and good luck to tell him no.
As tactfully as possible! that's good! Boss, the Ali brothers are at the gate.
Two minutes Habib! Who's that? My alcohol suppliers, I was beginning to be scared stiff.
Sorry.
"They're our richness, Let's help them.
" Sorry Jacky, we don't have the goods.
Maybe in two days.
It's been two weeks that it's two days We can explain, you know I'm going to the NGO 'Fight for the Afghan Dignity', do you know it? 'Fight for the Afghan Dignity'? The Kaboul Kitchen? Yeah, the Kaboul Kitchen! Yes Ma'am, yes, yes, yes! You know Jacky? The boss of the Kaboul Kitchen.
Yes a little It's normal, Jacky knows all the pretty western women.
Please ma'am.
What have I told you, Habib? You told me to wait for the Ali brothers and to bring them in your office.
And, does this lady look like to the Ali brothers, Habib? No, but Go back and wait for them outside, and hurry up if you don't wanna end at the goats asses! You want something? You don't recognize me? No, why, should I? Maybe, I'm Sophie, your daughter.
Timing : ZrueK "THE GIRL WITH THE BIG SUITCASE" Don't worry, I haven't heard from you in 13 years, I didn't expect an emotional firework.
Good evening miss, is this old man annoying you? Clear off, Damien.
Where will you sleep? Have you got a place? Of course, you did not think I would rely on you! I've learnt to live without you! Get in! Put your scarf on! How old are you now? 25?? Oh, hum.
And what do you do in Kabul? Humanitarian work.
For who? Fight for the Afghan Dignity.
Ah, you're gonna work for the Bovicourt Foundation.
So what??? No, nothing.
Good luck.
I'm brave Where do I drop you? At the NGO, their boss is awaiting me.
Are you sure? Yes.
Good.
Hello Victor, it's me, Sophie.
I'm right in front of the NGO, I feel like we misunderstood.
Hum, call me back.
I probably know where to find him.
Where? Get in! Thanks.
After the Unicef, no, no, don't coun't on me guys Victor, let me introduce you Sophie, I believe you had an appointment.
Hello Oh shit!!! uhm, I'm sorry Sophie! I had completely forgotten Well, you found on your own, well uhm The Kabul Rush Avenue.
Welcome to Kabul.
And, where do I sleep? Oh yeah, I had to deal with that too, today.
Well, actually, you had to get Jane's room, who had to go to Boris's place, but Boris's got a girl now, so, what we can do is that you can sleep in Camille's room, if she agrees I mean Forget it Victor, we'll do otherwise.
You'll take my room, it'll be simpler, right? Victor, this is my daughter.
I'll be gone by tomorrow, don't worry.
I'm not worried.
Resa will show your room.
Resa Miss, follow me please, I will show you your room.
Good night, Good night, Sophie.
We've just sold our last beer, boss, it sucks the ass.
I'll settle this tomorrow, ok Habib? Inch Allah! Inch Allah.
That's it.
Salam.
Ah, Jacky, Salam Jacky.
We need to talk.
So, will you tell M.
Amanullah that I would have loved to work for him but, unfortunately, we have a lot of work here in Afcom now.
Sorry.
My boss says that he needs you, the Americans told him you were the best.
That's very kind of them, but I don't deserve such credit, we're the only communication agency in Kabul, so Go.
Yes, my Jacky.
It's funny you're calling Guess who's just left my office? Amanullah's right-hand man.
Axel, I don't care about Amanullah, come right now to the restaurant, we have a big problem.
Those motherfuckers of Ali brothers want 20 % of the restaurant.
Just to supply us in alcohol, but they're completely out of their mind!? All the contrary, they've played their game very well, and tomorrow I'm broke.
You're exaggerating a little there It's alright, you'll find another alcohol supplier.
May I remind you that alcohol is forbidden in this country, that they're barely tolerating me and only because I grease them very often I'm telling you we're in trouble and we'll take weeks before putting up again another stable channel.
So, what do we do? Are we stuck? Maybe not.
There's another place where there is alcohol.
Uhm, the Amercican embassy.
You want me to call them? You finally get it.
Remember that it's also your restaurant and that it'd be good if you could participate.
Ok, it's alright.
I'm calling Karl right now.
How is your daughter? Good, I don't know, I didn't see her this morning, I don't know what she's doing.
You didn't tell me she was pretty? Focus on our problem, you hear me? She got a man in France? Alcohol, aaalcohoool! Yeah.
Especially right now.
My friend, Don't tell me you're hesitating Sorry, I'm sorry for having a moral.
Moral my ass! Those elections are going to be a nest of hassle.
Because what do you think it is, running a restaurant with cocktails, a swimming pool and girls in bikinis in the most Muslim country in the world, Do you think it is holidays? We share the earnings, it's about time we share the troubles.
Alright.
Good We created this maternity hospital a year ago.
It remains one of the best projects of the foundation till this day.
Yes, I knew about the project.
This is what made me want to come.
There was an article in 'Le Monde'.
(Le Monde is a French newspaper that is comparable to the Guardian, or the Times) Yes, on our chairwoman, Solange de Bovicourt.
Is that her? Yeah.
She's the wife of a Swiss billionaire.
From Monaco, yeah.
that's it No, she's a very generous woman, but well Not always the best ideas in the world.
What's that? 300 pairs of skis, with boots and sticks During a trip to Chamonix, she thought it'd be great to give skis to the Kabul children, there's snow in Kabul in winter, and it's mountainous, so These are the donations from the Avoriaz and Megève ski resorts.
She also planned the nursery slopes There you go, the layout, so I must send her a report on the advance of the project, and I need somebody to help me to write it.
You must be joking?! No, the project will be called ' Ski Without Borders'.
But I wanted to work on a school project.
Yes, so you're going to work on a ski school project.
But a ski school, here , it's completely impossible Yes, that's the idea they must get, right? So, you do me something good and then we'll talk of your school project, after.
Victor, we have a problem.
Camille, this is Sophie she's the one who'll handle the ski project.
Great, Victor, I can't stand it anymore, the kids have stoned a clown again.
Ahhh, heavy shiiiiitttt!!! A clown? To know that I was complaining about my ski school project I'm Sophie, Sophie Robert.
I've just arrived from Paris, that's my first job in the humanitarian, and I've just finished writing a PhD on education being an essential factor in the fight against violence and poverty.
I'm Camille, I'm from Belgium and I'm a Lesbian.
By the way, the clowns are my project, so if you want us to be friends, don't mistake me with the bullshits of the boss, right? Good afternoon, Miss Sophie.
Good afternoon Sayed, miss I'm the head waiter.
Do you want to have lunch? Yes.
Follow me.
Best table in the garden.
Please.
Enjoy your meal Thanks.
Najib, where do we stand about the wine? Only 12 bottles left boss.
The corked ones we stocked, do we have them still? Yes.
Right, you take them out, you put them in jugs and you serve them to the Americans.
Right boss.
Ok, Willkommen gentlemen ! How do you do Hanz? (very good in German) Sehr gut, Sehr gut How are you doing? A table for three? Follow me.
Eine moment bitte.
(one moment please ) You're crazy to take this table! And all alone, moreover! Why didn't you go inside? There're plenty of seats, and you bother nobody! It doesn't matter Jacky, we'll sit down somewhere else.
No, no, no, no no problems, it's just my daughter.
Sit down, is it alright? Sit down.
Just a second, I'm coming back.
Thank you.
She was in the garden because of me, you know.
That was a real stupid thing, Sayed, she's not the queen of England.
No, just your daughter.
Let me invite you, it'll make me happy.
And excuse me for what happened before.
You don't need to apologize.
You got your restaurant to run, I understand.
Was it good? Not really, but I was told it was worse elsewhere.
If it was possible, I would like to book a table for tonight, 7.
30.
But, certainly.
And I'll pay my bill! No.
Yes, I insist.
See you tonight.
You say no, then you say yes, you're a funny little man, aren't you? Very good, now tell me, how will you make me win? How I WILL try to make you win, in the first place, Colonel.
Well, the first thing is to have a good picture, right? My lieutenant has thought of that.
Uhm, yes but no, there it's too warlike, right, it's it's not close enough to the people.
The war with the Soviets is finished since a little while.
No, well Colonel, you are a candidate in one of the poorest district of Kabul, right? The people out there, what do they long for? They long for more security, more well-being, It's alright, you understand what I'm saying ? You need to promote a more positive image.
So, let me show you this, it's the poster of your rival who's a candidate in the same district as you, and me the idea it was a little bit closer to what I hadin mind.
There.
What do you think of that? You're right, this poster is a bad poster.
It was an idea of my lieutenant, a very bad idea, Axel The Americans just supplied us.
They really treated us right!? Well, they can.
Look at that! You put me in a real big shit, Jacky! This guy is dangerous.
Ah, he did that to impress you.
Well guess what, it works.
What do you think will happen to you? The guy is surrounded by the Americans, you got Karl with you, he just wanted to be funny, that's all.
Relax.
Waitthatthat's what you call funny! Let's call it Afghan humour! Well I'm not laughing.
If you preferred the New-Yorker Jew humour, you shouldn't have come to Kabul.
Axel, making money here is quite risky, and without alcohol, I'm closing up.
You want us to close? No, so well, here we are.
Take that, The others are around the swimming pool, I finish tidying up and I come to celebrate that with you, right? You know boss, Amanullah.
sucks a lot of the ass! Yes, I know Habib!! Stop saying that everything sucks the ass, people don't say that, right? Are we having the queen of England? You have nothing to do right now, ok? Hello Victor, it's Jacky.
Jacky, ah yes Well, in fact, I've just seen her driver there and she said she'd rather go on foot.
Yeah, wait, of course he told her that, we all told her, Jacky.
But what do you want him to do, she's come of age, isn't she Yeah, It's true you're right no right, I'm to blame, but wait, Jacky! it's not so so dangerous, right put things into perspective a little Put things into perspective, my ass! I can see she's not your daughter, right! It's alright, don't you think you overreact a little.
She's just arrived, she knows nothing of the city, she doesn't speak a word of Dari and I am the one overreacting.
And if she got lost, what do we do? Well you know the saying, one lost, ten found.
You're really stupid, aren't you? But we can call the embassy, if you like! Or the army? Thank you, that's great, I feel support.
That's good.
But she will come, don't worry.
Good evening, Martine, it's me, Jacky.
I'm calling you about Sophie.
Sayed, tell the gard to take the pick-up and to go all the way down to the NGO.
You want me to go with them? No, thank you.
But you're completely crazy or what!! You don't walk alone at night in Kabul! But you're a real DUMB COW OR WHAT!!!! Wow, who do you think you are to preach me?? Calm down, Jacky.
It's not because you fucked my mum for two years that it makes you my father.
Little children, little troubles, big children, big troubles.
Martine, it's me again, Jacky.
Nonothing happened to her, don't worry.
But still, we were not far from a big problem, right .
-I knew that,why did she need to go to Kabul! - Look at that, look at that! That is Afghan humour, that He draws his gun out, shoots it, and now she's with a bullet in her head But leave it, your colonel is a fucking crazy guy! But I can't, Jacky's right, we need him! Axel, I'm coming, I've got a good news for you.
We'll give shares of the restaurant to the Ali Brothers.
I've just negotiated, not 20, but 15 percent.
Are you sure? Yes, I thought about it, I don't want you to end up a bullet in the head, we give the Americans the alcohol back, and you get out of the clutches of the colonel crazy.
Ok, well, that's very nice Jacky, but uhm, why? Why what? Well, I don't know, you never shit on a pile of dough like that.
But I told you, I do it for you! You were right, this colonel is a real nest of hassle, and about hassles, I've got enough of them.
Because your daughter's here? It's got nothing to do with it, nothing really, and even though, considering what I told her mother yesterday, she's not going to stay for long.
Oh, noI started to get a feeling with her But you didn't talk to her! You don't need to talk to feel that Nonsense, well listen, I'll call Karl and you're going to tell your colonel that you're giving it up, right? Right.
Hello.
.
Bush! This is Georges, and that is Bush.
They're very nice.
So, what do you think of my house? It's big! And, do you like it? Yes, a lot.
And so, you don't want to work for me anymore? Uhm, it's not that simple, uhm Colonel.
Sit down! Yes.
.
uhm no, what I Doing an electoral campaign is doing a communication campaign, and to really communicate, you have to really understand each other.
It's the same in a rekationship, you see? And So, we have problems with our relationship? No, no, no, no! what I mean is, that we you and I, don't have the same moral values, right, uhm You're a man of the East, I'm a man of the West, so that's a little awkward, you see? No.
Never mind, what I mean is, that we don't have the same culture, culturally speaking, I mean Culturally? you're a little joker, aren't you, the little French! Very well, we're going to talk 'Culture'.
This is what we agreed on, 100 000 dollars.
Now, it's 200 000.
Do we understand each other now, culturally? That'svery generous of you Colonel, but 100 000 more because I believe we do have the same moral values, you and me.
At that price, you'll become president for sure, No, no, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.
No, Colonel, it's not about money Ahhh make up your mind and decide.
Remember, my friend, that I must be elected in a district where people can't read, write, think and that for them, I'm already a hero.
500 000 dollars.
So, yes, no, niet, da? Good! Ok! We're going to work together, but only on one condition.
We stop scaring people and playing with guns all the time, right.
You're going to be a deputy, Colonel.
It's time you begin to act like one.
You and me, we're going to do great job, partner.
Come, let me embrace you.
Take your culture! Thank you.
I had 500 000 dollars right in front of me, on the table, what did you want Is it so? Because now, in front of you, you got your associate who'd really like to smash you.
Ah, it's alright, you, uhm NO! So now Kabul is being bombed?! This is not exactly what I told your mother.
No, that's true, you also told her that I had nearly been kidnapped and that NGOs were the favorite targets of the Talibans.
Well, I'm leaving, uhm Mum is completely panicked, she really got crazy on the phone, it was as if I was twelve.
Your mother is right to worry.
Kabul is dangerous.
Stop this, you are the dangerous one! Your restaurant is a real provocation in this country! If I was a Taliban, I'd choose this place to explode myself, for sure.
Now you see it's dangerous to stay here.
Well, uhm, so basically you don't want me in Kabul? No, that's not the point, it's just that Then that's good because I intend to stay.
And good news, I'll live with you.
You owe Mum more than 13 years of alimony, so I will not bother me.
I'll eat here everyday, at breakfast, lunch and dinner, at your best table, and I'll take the most expensive dishes.
You owe me that, don't you? Daddy! " irc.
otaku-irc.
fr #kyoto-fansub and ask Zruek or Eigo-no-sensei ^^ "
A few days later, Jacques Chirac brings France into the conflict.
Facing the military deployment, Ben Laden takes refuge in the mountains and the Talibans give up the capital city.
As soon as Kabul was back in order, NGO and UN agencies organize to rebuild a ruined country.
Thousands of Westerners land on Kabul with only one goal save the country.
I'm a damn fool, I chose the wrong job Why did I do public relations Run a restaurant in Kabul, then you'll talk But, your Kaboul Kitchen brings you a lot of money It brings US a lot of money.
By the way, you ever heard of Colonel Amanullah? He wants to stand for the parliamentary elections.
He wants me to deal with his campaign.
Go and ask Max.
I'll rather tell him no Why? Cause he's a drug dealer and a war criminal.
Wait, they emerge from 20 years of war and a third of their economy is based on the opium trade What did you expect??? To better than a thug parliament.
What you say is beautiful.
Take that, Mother Teresa, Your share and good luck to tell him no.
As tactfully as possible! that's good! Boss, the Ali brothers are at the gate.
Two minutes Habib! Who's that? My alcohol suppliers, I was beginning to be scared stiff.
Sorry.
"They're our richness, Let's help them.
" Sorry Jacky, we don't have the goods.
Maybe in two days.
It's been two weeks that it's two days We can explain, you know I'm going to the NGO 'Fight for the Afghan Dignity', do you know it? 'Fight for the Afghan Dignity'? The Kaboul Kitchen? Yeah, the Kaboul Kitchen! Yes Ma'am, yes, yes, yes! You know Jacky? The boss of the Kaboul Kitchen.
Yes a little It's normal, Jacky knows all the pretty western women.
Please ma'am.
What have I told you, Habib? You told me to wait for the Ali brothers and to bring them in your office.
And, does this lady look like to the Ali brothers, Habib? No, but Go back and wait for them outside, and hurry up if you don't wanna end at the goats asses! You want something? You don't recognize me? No, why, should I? Maybe, I'm Sophie, your daughter.
Timing : ZrueK "THE GIRL WITH THE BIG SUITCASE" Don't worry, I haven't heard from you in 13 years, I didn't expect an emotional firework.
Good evening miss, is this old man annoying you? Clear off, Damien.
Where will you sleep? Have you got a place? Of course, you did not think I would rely on you! I've learnt to live without you! Get in! Put your scarf on! How old are you now? 25?? Oh, hum.
And what do you do in Kabul? Humanitarian work.
For who? Fight for the Afghan Dignity.
Ah, you're gonna work for the Bovicourt Foundation.
So what??? No, nothing.
Good luck.
I'm brave Where do I drop you? At the NGO, their boss is awaiting me.
Are you sure? Yes.
Good.
Hello Victor, it's me, Sophie.
I'm right in front of the NGO, I feel like we misunderstood.
Hum, call me back.
I probably know where to find him.
Where? Get in! Thanks.
After the Unicef, no, no, don't coun't on me guys Victor, let me introduce you Sophie, I believe you had an appointment.
Hello Oh shit!!! uhm, I'm sorry Sophie! I had completely forgotten Well, you found on your own, well uhm The Kabul Rush Avenue.
Welcome to Kabul.
And, where do I sleep? Oh yeah, I had to deal with that too, today.
Well, actually, you had to get Jane's room, who had to go to Boris's place, but Boris's got a girl now, so, what we can do is that you can sleep in Camille's room, if she agrees I mean Forget it Victor, we'll do otherwise.
You'll take my room, it'll be simpler, right? Victor, this is my daughter.
I'll be gone by tomorrow, don't worry.
I'm not worried.
Resa will show your room.
Resa Miss, follow me please, I will show you your room.
Good night, Good night, Sophie.
We've just sold our last beer, boss, it sucks the ass.
I'll settle this tomorrow, ok Habib? Inch Allah! Inch Allah.
That's it.
Salam.
Ah, Jacky, Salam Jacky.
We need to talk.
So, will you tell M.
Amanullah that I would have loved to work for him but, unfortunately, we have a lot of work here in Afcom now.
Sorry.
My boss says that he needs you, the Americans told him you were the best.
That's very kind of them, but I don't deserve such credit, we're the only communication agency in Kabul, so Go.
Yes, my Jacky.
It's funny you're calling Guess who's just left my office? Amanullah's right-hand man.
Axel, I don't care about Amanullah, come right now to the restaurant, we have a big problem.
Those motherfuckers of Ali brothers want 20 % of the restaurant.
Just to supply us in alcohol, but they're completely out of their mind!? All the contrary, they've played their game very well, and tomorrow I'm broke.
You're exaggerating a little there It's alright, you'll find another alcohol supplier.
May I remind you that alcohol is forbidden in this country, that they're barely tolerating me and only because I grease them very often I'm telling you we're in trouble and we'll take weeks before putting up again another stable channel.
So, what do we do? Are we stuck? Maybe not.
There's another place where there is alcohol.
Uhm, the Amercican embassy.
You want me to call them? You finally get it.
Remember that it's also your restaurant and that it'd be good if you could participate.
Ok, it's alright.
I'm calling Karl right now.
How is your daughter? Good, I don't know, I didn't see her this morning, I don't know what she's doing.
You didn't tell me she was pretty? Focus on our problem, you hear me? She got a man in France? Alcohol, aaalcohoool! Yeah.
Especially right now.
My friend, Don't tell me you're hesitating Sorry, I'm sorry for having a moral.
Moral my ass! Those elections are going to be a nest of hassle.
Because what do you think it is, running a restaurant with cocktails, a swimming pool and girls in bikinis in the most Muslim country in the world, Do you think it is holidays? We share the earnings, it's about time we share the troubles.
Alright.
Good We created this maternity hospital a year ago.
It remains one of the best projects of the foundation till this day.
Yes, I knew about the project.
This is what made me want to come.
There was an article in 'Le Monde'.
(Le Monde is a French newspaper that is comparable to the Guardian, or the Times) Yes, on our chairwoman, Solange de Bovicourt.
Is that her? Yeah.
She's the wife of a Swiss billionaire.
From Monaco, yeah.
that's it No, she's a very generous woman, but well Not always the best ideas in the world.
What's that? 300 pairs of skis, with boots and sticks During a trip to Chamonix, she thought it'd be great to give skis to the Kabul children, there's snow in Kabul in winter, and it's mountainous, so These are the donations from the Avoriaz and Megève ski resorts.
She also planned the nursery slopes There you go, the layout, so I must send her a report on the advance of the project, and I need somebody to help me to write it.
You must be joking?! No, the project will be called ' Ski Without Borders'.
But I wanted to work on a school project.
Yes, so you're going to work on a ski school project.
But a ski school, here , it's completely impossible Yes, that's the idea they must get, right? So, you do me something good and then we'll talk of your school project, after.
Victor, we have a problem.
Camille, this is Sophie she's the one who'll handle the ski project.
Great, Victor, I can't stand it anymore, the kids have stoned a clown again.
Ahhh, heavy shiiiiitttt!!! A clown? To know that I was complaining about my ski school project I'm Sophie, Sophie Robert.
I've just arrived from Paris, that's my first job in the humanitarian, and I've just finished writing a PhD on education being an essential factor in the fight against violence and poverty.
I'm Camille, I'm from Belgium and I'm a Lesbian.
By the way, the clowns are my project, so if you want us to be friends, don't mistake me with the bullshits of the boss, right? Good afternoon, Miss Sophie.
Good afternoon Sayed, miss I'm the head waiter.
Do you want to have lunch? Yes.
Follow me.
Best table in the garden.
Please.
Enjoy your meal Thanks.
Najib, where do we stand about the wine? Only 12 bottles left boss.
The corked ones we stocked, do we have them still? Yes.
Right, you take them out, you put them in jugs and you serve them to the Americans.
Right boss.
Ok, Willkommen gentlemen ! How do you do Hanz? (very good in German) Sehr gut, Sehr gut How are you doing? A table for three? Follow me.
Eine moment bitte.
(one moment please ) You're crazy to take this table! And all alone, moreover! Why didn't you go inside? There're plenty of seats, and you bother nobody! It doesn't matter Jacky, we'll sit down somewhere else.
No, no, no, no no problems, it's just my daughter.
Sit down, is it alright? Sit down.
Just a second, I'm coming back.
Thank you.
She was in the garden because of me, you know.
That was a real stupid thing, Sayed, she's not the queen of England.
No, just your daughter.
Let me invite you, it'll make me happy.
And excuse me for what happened before.
You don't need to apologize.
You got your restaurant to run, I understand.
Was it good? Not really, but I was told it was worse elsewhere.
If it was possible, I would like to book a table for tonight, 7.
30.
But, certainly.
And I'll pay my bill! No.
Yes, I insist.
See you tonight.
You say no, then you say yes, you're a funny little man, aren't you? Very good, now tell me, how will you make me win? How I WILL try to make you win, in the first place, Colonel.
Well, the first thing is to have a good picture, right? My lieutenant has thought of that.
Uhm, yes but no, there it's too warlike, right, it's it's not close enough to the people.
The war with the Soviets is finished since a little while.
No, well Colonel, you are a candidate in one of the poorest district of Kabul, right? The people out there, what do they long for? They long for more security, more well-being, It's alright, you understand what I'm saying ? You need to promote a more positive image.
So, let me show you this, it's the poster of your rival who's a candidate in the same district as you, and me the idea it was a little bit closer to what I hadin mind.
There.
What do you think of that? You're right, this poster is a bad poster.
It was an idea of my lieutenant, a very bad idea, Axel The Americans just supplied us.
They really treated us right!? Well, they can.
Look at that! You put me in a real big shit, Jacky! This guy is dangerous.
Ah, he did that to impress you.
Well guess what, it works.
What do you think will happen to you? The guy is surrounded by the Americans, you got Karl with you, he just wanted to be funny, that's all.
Relax.
Waitthatthat's what you call funny! Let's call it Afghan humour! Well I'm not laughing.
If you preferred the New-Yorker Jew humour, you shouldn't have come to Kabul.
Axel, making money here is quite risky, and without alcohol, I'm closing up.
You want us to close? No, so well, here we are.
Take that, The others are around the swimming pool, I finish tidying up and I come to celebrate that with you, right? You know boss, Amanullah.
sucks a lot of the ass! Yes, I know Habib!! Stop saying that everything sucks the ass, people don't say that, right? Are we having the queen of England? You have nothing to do right now, ok? Hello Victor, it's Jacky.
Jacky, ah yes Well, in fact, I've just seen her driver there and she said she'd rather go on foot.
Yeah, wait, of course he told her that, we all told her, Jacky.
But what do you want him to do, she's come of age, isn't she Yeah, It's true you're right no right, I'm to blame, but wait, Jacky! it's not so so dangerous, right put things into perspective a little Put things into perspective, my ass! I can see she's not your daughter, right! It's alright, don't you think you overreact a little.
She's just arrived, she knows nothing of the city, she doesn't speak a word of Dari and I am the one overreacting.
And if she got lost, what do we do? Well you know the saying, one lost, ten found.
You're really stupid, aren't you? But we can call the embassy, if you like! Or the army? Thank you, that's great, I feel support.
That's good.
But she will come, don't worry.
Good evening, Martine, it's me, Jacky.
I'm calling you about Sophie.
Sayed, tell the gard to take the pick-up and to go all the way down to the NGO.
You want me to go with them? No, thank you.
But you're completely crazy or what!! You don't walk alone at night in Kabul! But you're a real DUMB COW OR WHAT!!!! Wow, who do you think you are to preach me?? Calm down, Jacky.
It's not because you fucked my mum for two years that it makes you my father.
Little children, little troubles, big children, big troubles.
Martine, it's me again, Jacky.
Nonothing happened to her, don't worry.
But still, we were not far from a big problem, right .
-I knew that,why did she need to go to Kabul! - Look at that, look at that! That is Afghan humour, that He draws his gun out, shoots it, and now she's with a bullet in her head But leave it, your colonel is a fucking crazy guy! But I can't, Jacky's right, we need him! Axel, I'm coming, I've got a good news for you.
We'll give shares of the restaurant to the Ali Brothers.
I've just negotiated, not 20, but 15 percent.
Are you sure? Yes, I thought about it, I don't want you to end up a bullet in the head, we give the Americans the alcohol back, and you get out of the clutches of the colonel crazy.
Ok, well, that's very nice Jacky, but uhm, why? Why what? Well, I don't know, you never shit on a pile of dough like that.
But I told you, I do it for you! You were right, this colonel is a real nest of hassle, and about hassles, I've got enough of them.
Because your daughter's here? It's got nothing to do with it, nothing really, and even though, considering what I told her mother yesterday, she's not going to stay for long.
Oh, noI started to get a feeling with her But you didn't talk to her! You don't need to talk to feel that Nonsense, well listen, I'll call Karl and you're going to tell your colonel that you're giving it up, right? Right.
Hello.
.
Bush! This is Georges, and that is Bush.
They're very nice.
So, what do you think of my house? It's big! And, do you like it? Yes, a lot.
And so, you don't want to work for me anymore? Uhm, it's not that simple, uhm Colonel.
Sit down! Yes.
.
uhm no, what I Doing an electoral campaign is doing a communication campaign, and to really communicate, you have to really understand each other.
It's the same in a rekationship, you see? And So, we have problems with our relationship? No, no, no, no! what I mean is, that we you and I, don't have the same moral values, right, uhm You're a man of the East, I'm a man of the West, so that's a little awkward, you see? No.
Never mind, what I mean is, that we don't have the same culture, culturally speaking, I mean Culturally? you're a little joker, aren't you, the little French! Very well, we're going to talk 'Culture'.
This is what we agreed on, 100 000 dollars.
Now, it's 200 000.
Do we understand each other now, culturally? That'svery generous of you Colonel, but 100 000 more because I believe we do have the same moral values, you and me.
At that price, you'll become president for sure, No, no, no, I'm joking, I'm joking.
No, Colonel, it's not about money Ahhh make up your mind and decide.
Remember, my friend, that I must be elected in a district where people can't read, write, think and that for them, I'm already a hero.
500 000 dollars.
So, yes, no, niet, da? Good! Ok! We're going to work together, but only on one condition.
We stop scaring people and playing with guns all the time, right.
You're going to be a deputy, Colonel.
It's time you begin to act like one.
You and me, we're going to do great job, partner.
Come, let me embrace you.
Take your culture! Thank you.
I had 500 000 dollars right in front of me, on the table, what did you want Is it so? Because now, in front of you, you got your associate who'd really like to smash you.
Ah, it's alright, you, uhm NO! So now Kabul is being bombed?! This is not exactly what I told your mother.
No, that's true, you also told her that I had nearly been kidnapped and that NGOs were the favorite targets of the Talibans.
Well, I'm leaving, uhm Mum is completely panicked, she really got crazy on the phone, it was as if I was twelve.
Your mother is right to worry.
Kabul is dangerous.
Stop this, you are the dangerous one! Your restaurant is a real provocation in this country! If I was a Taliban, I'd choose this place to explode myself, for sure.
Now you see it's dangerous to stay here.
Well, uhm, so basically you don't want me in Kabul? No, that's not the point, it's just that Then that's good because I intend to stay.
And good news, I'll live with you.
You owe Mum more than 13 years of alimony, so I will not bother me.
I'll eat here everyday, at breakfast, lunch and dinner, at your best table, and I'll take the most expensive dishes.
You owe me that, don't you? Daddy! " irc.
otaku-irc.
fr #kyoto-fansub and ask Zruek or Eigo-no-sensei ^^ "