Kid Cosmic (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

[boy] Woo-hoo!
[dramatic music plays]
[alarm wailing]
[speaking alien language]
[console beeping]
-[system powering down]
-[alarm wailing]
[energy humming]
[speaking alien language]
[Kid] Yes, finally!
[opening theme music plays]
Hello, destiny!
[singer vocalizing]
[imitates laser fire]
Yeah!
Yeah!
[vocalizing] Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hi-yah! Hi-yah! [chuckles]
Thanks, Papa G!
I'm off to save the day!
Go get 'em, Kid!
[grunts]
[chuckles]
[panting]
Ah, I'm a monster!
Whoa! No, Rosa, no! I got
important news to tell the town!
No! Let's play!
Heroes don't have time to play.
Besides, you're too little!
[Rosa] I'm not little!
[Kid] Not in the road.
Stay safe, citizen!
[grunting]
[groans]
[woman clears throat]
[clears throat]
Jo!
Refills.
Ugh!
Don't ugh me. No coffee, no customers.
Aw, Mom, Carl, Carla, and Carlos
aren't going anywhere.
They've been in those spots forever.
I don't know about that now.
There was that time
Carlos sat over there.
Ah, it was a wild adventure.
You want adventure? Look!
Discount airfare to New York!
Hollywood! Boise!
Who wants to go tear it up in Boise?
Woo-hoo!
Who wants refills?
[customers] Woo-hoo!
Ugh!
Sorry, honey. 
That's as wild as it gets around here.
-[door swings open]
-Fair patrons of Mo's Oasis Cafe!
-Oh no!
-Oh yes!
I've stumbled onto something big.
-A crashed spaceship…
-Gotcha!
…has bestowed me
with five Cosmic Rings of Power!
-[groans]
-[Kid] And I shall use them
to save everybody from evil…
[dishes clatter]
…alien invaders!
You're the invader!
-Hi-yah!
-[clattering]
Oh no!
Huh. Your super rings just look like
rocks glued to hex nuts.
Aha! Good catch, Carla! [grunts]
That's because they are.
'Cause it looks way cooler
when I do this!
[Kid] Hoo-wah! Ha! Ka-sha!
Hope the glue didn't ruin their powers.
[customers laughing]
Oh no.
[clattering]
Oh no!
I know what you're thinking.
Cosmic Rings?
Like in movies and comic books?
Yes, exactly! But this?
This is real!
I'll discover their powers,
and whenever alien invaders
rear their ugly heads,
if they have heads,
I'll be there! Yes, I will.
Yes, I will. Yes, I will.
Yes! Maybe a call
to your grandpap will teach you not to--
-[rings]
-Mo’s Oasis, “Like No Other Place Is,"
-how can I help?
-span style="style2"I'd like a to-go order.
[man whistles] Hamburg, order up!
-Eighteen short stacks, 12 tall stacks--
span style="style1"-What are you doing? We got him.
Four hamburgers, six burgers with cheese,
not cheeseburgers,
five cheeseburgers,
and the trout almandine.
How long does that take?
[grunting]
-[yells]
-[screams]
-Have no fear…
-[door bells jingle]
…Kid Cosmic is here!
[door bells jingle]
Jo!
People of Earth! Found power rings
from space. Don't know how they work.
Gonna activate them so I can
protect Earth from evil space aliens.
Okay.
Let's do this.
-[energetic rock music playing]
span style="style2"-Hi-yah!
Hi-yah!
Hi-yah!
Hmm.
Hi-yah! Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
[exclaiming]
Maybe I gotta go faster.
[exclaims]
[grunts]
Secret code word!
Activate! Go, ring, go!
Do your thing, ring!
Duh, they're from space! Talk alien talk.
[speaking gibberish]
Maybe it's out of juice.
Aw, come on! The earth is watching.
What am I doing wrong?
Behold the power
of the Cosmic Ring of Power!
Hi-yah!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Ha ha!
It's working! It's--
[truck horn blares]
Ah!
[grunting]
Sorry… people of Earth.
It's just… 
sometimes things make me mad.
And I just gotta remember,
like Papa G says…
"Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
Freakin' out? Breathe it out."
[exhales]
[energy hums]
Wha-- What? It's working! It's--
Whoa!
Wow!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
This is amazing and terrifying!
Whoa! Ah!
[groans]
Dumb Kid getting caught.
Dumb Mom making me clean up after him
and pay for the food I ordered.
Oh, I'll show her.
Gonna eat this trout so hard…
Ow!
[Kid screaming, grunts]
This one makes you fly!
Woo-hoo!
The ring is real?
Are there more? 
Where did you get them? How do they work?
Yes. Five, from a crashed spaceship.
I don't know. I explained this earlier.
Yeah, but I kind of, sort of thought
you were being weird like always.
Oh.
You didn't help me
to save the town from evil aliens?
Look, Kid…
You helped me just to help me?
Wanna see something cool?
[Jo] Is this your home?
No, my headquarters.
Though I often sleep and eat here, so yes.
Behold the other Cosmic Rings of Power.
Each capable of bestowing the wearer
with amazing abilities.
These three-- Wait, three?
There were four!
-What villainous villain--
-Activate!
Ring powers go.
Zip-zap-zim! Something else spacey!
One, that's not how they work.
Two, give it back!
It's probably really dangerous
in the wrong hands.
Which is why we should
test them out together.
You need help in case of a class-ten
introversal
exploda-magorium scenario, right?
Of course, you're right!
Get used to it, Kid. Now…
How do I make something happen?
-Relax.
-I don't want to relax.
I want superpowers!
No, listen. You gotta want it…
But not span style="style2"want it.
I know it's hard not to think
about having superpowers, but don't!
And you will.
Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
-[energy humming]
-Eh?
[sighs]
[Jo screams]
[Jo screams]
I hate meditating!
Oh, it's not so-- Bad!
So, so bad!
Oh, Jo. Sweet Jo.
Your noble sacrifice will be remembered.
[Jo screams]
Cool! Teleportation portals!
I'm coming, Jo!
[repeating]
Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
[screams]
[screaming]
Kid! What's going on out here?
Everything cool?
[Kid] Just using my superpowers
to help Jo get her head back on!
[Papa G] Okey-doke!
Whoo! Comin' around! And again!
Starting to feel a little sick.
Oh, that's so crazy but so cool!
[gasps]
[Jo screaming]
[grunts]
Ugh!
-Ah!
-[Kid yelling]
Yes! We have… mastered our abilities.
[Kid vomiting]
Now we do what we were meant to,
save our town from galactic threats.
-Leave town for adventure.
-[both] What did you say?
Why would we leave? This place has it all:
good people, good eats.
Met them, eaten that. 
We could see the world, do something big.
Like save our town from galactic threats!
Please! What "galactic threats" 
are gonna attack this place?
[gasps]
Yes! So, invading scum!
-Whoa!
-[Jo screams]
Let go! Heroes don't hide!
He didn't do it right.
He's supposed to declare his name,
planet of origin, and evil intentions
before opening fire.
See? This guy goes on
for a page and a half. There are rules!
This isn't the comics.
This is real life and we're about to die!
-[snarls]
-[both scream]
Ah!
[alien grunting]
What's your name?
Where are you from? Who do you work for?
What's his name? Or hers?
Are you a her? How does it feel
to be defeated by Kid Cosmic
and his sidekick Jo?
Sidekick?
[speaking alien language]
Cállate, dame los anillos o muere!
Fermez-vous,
donnez-moi les anneaux ou meurs!
Halt die Klappe,
gib mir die Ringe oder stirbst!
Damare,
watashi ni ringu o atae tari, shinu!
Shut up! Gimme the stones or die!
[both] Oh!
[both scream]
[alien] Ah!
No! [strains]
-We did it!
-Woo-hoo!
You cut that guy in half, sorta!
-I saw you get caught--
-Heroes don't get caught!
No, you were cool too.
When you grabbed me and ran away--
Heroes don't run away!
-[gasps]
-[creature snarls]
-Ah!
-[roars]
We can make an exception!
[repeating] Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Call off your stooge, you menace!
My what now?
That giant-dog-monster-alien thing.
What? Another alien? Already?
Yeah! It was a black, furry, 
evil alien death dog of doom!
It's wired up to some kind of crazy
mind-control collar. So call it off!
Ah! It's starting sooner than I expected.
The Great Leader thought
we had a jump on this.
I gotta stop you before it does. [grunts]
Kid, I don't think he's controlling that.
But the invasion!
They're bad guys and we're good guys.
They come, and we stop them
and save the day, right?
Foolish Earthlings!
You think there's just one bad guy?
Those stones possess powers
every evil being in the universe
would kill for!
Soon as they realize
the stones are here,
they'll come to this weird, little planet
to fight a cosmic war to get them.
Your Earth is doomed!
Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna form a team
of the best heroes on Earth.
We're gonna use the rings
to stop all of you,
no matter how many there are. Right, Jo?
-Where are you going?
-Out of here!
This went from a place where nothing
happened to way too much happening!
-But we were chosen to protect the Earth.
-No! We were just having fun!
You know who swears to protect people?
The cops. The military. The government.
Let them handle this!
No, they can't know!
[Jo] Why not?
They'll just take it away!
No one believes I do anything right.
I just want a chance
to prove I'm more than…
Just the weird kid down the road?
With these powers,
we can stop bad things from happening.
Besides, people like us
never get a chance to have adventures.
If the world ends today,
all we'll have been was--
Just a waitress.
And the really cool kid down the road.
Ugh!
Okay, fine. We'll be heroes…
Whoo!
Ow! Watch it!
Sorry, sorry!
If we do this,
we're not telling anybody.
Not the cops, the government,
military, town. Nobody.
Especially my mom!
If she finds out, she'll kill me
before evil aliens do. Got it?
Got it.
It's like having secret identities.
So, what's the plan?
Plan?
[creature snarling]
[Kid] Whoa!
Oh!
Um…
Okay, but you're not gonna like it.
[Kid] Hey!
Get away
from that lovingly-prepared entree!
[beeping]
[snarls]
[screaming]
This isn't running away,
it's saving the day!
Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
Freakin' out? Breathe it out.
Ah!
Who wants it?
Who wants my Ring of Power?
You do! You do!
[grunting] Give it!
You're gonna have to blast me first.
You gonna blast me? You gonna blast me?
Or are you too chicken?
[clucks]
I have no idea what that means, 
but it sounds offensive. You are so dead!
Good. Let's do this.
-I hope this works!
-I hope this works! I hope this works!
Let's… do… this!
-[Kid laughs]
-We did it!
Yes! Yes! Yes! It totally worked!
-Way to go, Jo.
-Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
[alien] You'll never survive.
You're just nobodies
on a little, nowhere planet.
Your Earth is doomed.
Nuh-uh, because we shall
band together with similar heroes,
pure of heart and noble of purpose
to wield the Cosmic Rings of Power,
and together--
Hey, I was still speeching!
[both] Ha!
[alien] You realize
you could've used that to destroy me?
You guys are really bad at this.
-[groans]
-We'll get better.
[alien] You won't!
[Jo's mother screams]
They're perfect!
Exactly like the ones my mother had
in the diner when I was growing up!
Oh!
[gasps] The creamer.
-Super rare.
-[door bells jingle]
And where have you been?
I went to the junkyard to talk to the kid.
He's really not that bad.
That scene earlier? He's actually
making a space movie around town.
-Told him I'd help out.
-What?
You always say he needs looking after.
Maybe I can keep him out of trouble.
And out of the diner.
[door bells jingle]
Jo! Help! Big danger! Come on!
Part of the movie.
Cameras everywhere. Be right back!
You gave Rosa a ring?!
Ah! I'm not little! I'm--
No, she took it. I couldn't stop her.
But together we can!
Let's go, Jo!
Time to save the--
[Rosa laughs]
-[Jo] Let me save you.
-[Kid] Heroes don't need saving!
[closing theme music plays]
Listen up
You kids with nothing to do ♪
Here's a brand-new dance
I wanna tell you all about ♪
If you wanna get down ♪
Hold your arms horizontal
Shake your elbows around ♪
[vocalizing]
Call me Kid ♪
Dance like you're from outer space ♪
Oh, your legs don't matter
Just as long as they move ♪
Yeah, wave 'em around
Like you're in gravity boots ♪
Bend your shoulders double over
Let your backbone fly ♪
Shake whatever's left of you
From side to side to side to side ♪
[vocalizing]