King of Stonks (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
A NETFLIX SERIES
THIS SERIES IS ABOUT THE BIGGES
FINANCIAL SCANDAL IN GERMAN HISTORY.
CABLECASH INC. DEFRAUDED ITS INVESTORS AND
THE GERMAN STATE OUT OF BILLIONS OF EUROS.
SIMILARITIES WITH OTHER FRAUD CASES
ARE PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
[soft music playing]
[Felix] There is one thing
that all people have in common.
They want to reach the top.
- [camera shutter clicking]
- [Felix] But with every step upwards,
there's another person
who tries to push you back down.
- Humans are just a bunch of primates.
- [monkeys screeching]
[Felix] Everyone wants to fuck,
but no one wants to get fucked.
That's how capitalism works.
As long as everyone gets rich,
you can keep on fucking.
But as soon as you make
one little mistake,
- you're the one who gets fucked.
- [ape screeches]
[Felix] If you want to be successful,
you must always stay alert.
Because the higher you rise,
the further you can fall.
[airplane engine whirring]
- [airplane engine whirring]
- [airplane bell dinging]
[Felix]
Dying right now would really suck.
So close to the finish line.
"Co-CEO."
The job you deserve.
Boss of a publicly traded company.
What could go wrong now?
Other than a plane crash, of course.
They won't even show
your picture on the news,
because no one knows who you are.
[airplane engine whirring]
[pilot, in English] Mr. Armand,
we are experiencing
some turbulences on our descent,
so please stay seated
and fasten your seat belt.
[bell dinging]
[Felix, in German]
Dying now would really suck.
You have the only copy of
the last big presentation before the IPO.
[airplane engine whirring]
[Felix] If it doesn't make it unscathed,
it was all for nothing.
[intense music playing]
Alex, I misplaced the stick
with the presentation.
- That's never happened to me before
- [flight attendant] Sir.
but can you maybe check
if it is in my computer?
[flight attendant, in English]
Please be seated. You know the rules.
Sometimes there are
more important things than rules.
- It's not safe.
- I've just got to find this.
- Sir, please.
- [grunts]
There's a lot of turbulence.
You're going to hurt yourself.
[airplane engine whirring]
[pilot] Mr. Armand,
you are violating flight regulations.
Sir, you're putting yourself in danger.
Please stop!
The stick is more important
than life and death.
If I don't find it,
we can just as well crash.
[flight attendant] Sir, please.
You're acting recklessly.
[pilot] Sit down now.
- Sir!
- [pilot] Mr. Armand, please calm down.
[female narrator, in German]
This is Felix Armand,
and today
is the most important day of his life.
Felix is Vice President of Technology
for CableCash,
which sounds much better than it is.
Ten years ago,
as a small-time computer scientist,
he wrote a bit of software.
And now his company
is a week away from its IPO.
BUY - SELL
[female narrator]
And today, the whole world
is supposed to hear
about Felix's new position.
CEO.
Chief Executive Officer.
Or, in other words, boss of everyone.
Then he will have achieved
everything he ever dreamed of.
But only, of course,
if he manages to find his USB stick.
[Alex] Maybe in the suitcase with money?
No. Check the box
with the stuff from my old cabinet.
- It must've come with the move.
- [Alex] I just looked. Nothing.
Never mind, I'm here now anyway.
I'll look for it myself.
[elevator bell dings]
[Alex] And this is the lease
for the second floor.
If you gave me power of attorney,
you wouldn't have to sign
everything yourself.
I don't sign anything
I haven't read first.
Yeah, then you'd have to trust someone.
Perish the thought.
Want to know why?
Because then something like this happens.
What?
Magnus is Helvetica, I'm Arial.
I'm stepping into the spotlight.
Everything has to be right.
No one knows the difference, Felix.
Excuse me! Hello.
Sorry. Do you notice anything?
Here. With the lettering.
Sure. One is Arial,
the other is Helvetica.
You can tell by the "A."
Thanks.
- [man] Some people see the difference.
- Yeah.
Gotta quickly say hi to an old friend,
- then find the stick
- No, no, no, you have an interview first.
Come on, other direction.
- Five minutes!
- Yeah.
TO: MARCO
I HAVE ANOTHER MEETING.
Executive assistant to the CEO
matches my qualifications exactly.
- [soft music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
I want to feel like I can change
the world with my job.
That's why I want to join a startup.
You're the only ones in Europe
who can match companies in the Valley.
I didn't study eight semesters at Harvard
just to drown in bureaucracy
at a big firm.
LIVESTREAM TONIGH
She means Deutsche Bank. [chuckles]
- [Lückenroth chuckling]
- [Alex chuckling]
[Alex] Right? [chuckles]
[clears throat] Felix?
[Felix] And you're totally sure
that the stick wasn't still on my desk?
Good. Great. Thank you.
[chuckles, clears throat]
You'll hear from us, okay? [chuckling]
- You know the way out?
- Yes.
Thanks so much. Okay.
- Bye.
- [woman] Goodbye.
[Alex] Felix
Felix, you're the one
who needs an assistant, not me!
What should they think
when you're messing with your underwear?
- No one will work for you.
- Everyone wants to work for me.
- Come on!
- [Alex] No, no one!
What about her? She's with Telekom.
Sorry! Pardon me.
Can you come here, please? Come on!
I bet you'd love to work in finance.
[chuckles]
- I don't even have my Abitur.
- No one here has an Abitur.
[Ali] No, I had a doctorate.
- But you lost it.
- Yeah, because I didn't have my Abi.
No one needs Abitur
who isn't analyzing poems all day.
- I have my Abi and I have an MBA, so.
- Yeah, Master of Bullshit and Assholery.
Exactly. Lückenroth doesn't count.
He's a consultant from Steeler Consulting.
Look at everything I can do with him.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
- [mumbles]
- [Lückenroth chuckling]
- [chuckles]
- If he breaks, he can just be replaced.
I dropped out of school at 17
and as of this afternoon
I'll be co-CEO of a company
with 200 million in annual revenue.
I need a personal assistant.
Want the job? Can you do it?
[Sascha] But I have a contract
with Telekom.
Okay, this is Alex, our head lawyer.
She has more balls than Rudy Giuliani
and Robert Kardashian combined.
- She'll get you out of it.
- [Sascha chuckling]
- [Felix]That's it then, right? Great!
- [Sascha] Crazy!
- [Felix] Welcome to CableCash.
- Cool.
We may not be as slick and good-looking
as other companies,
but we're a family.
[instrumental music playing]
I have the USB stick at home.
Oh, fuck! Yeah, it's at my house.
Can you drive?
- Sure.
- Very good.
- [Alex] Off you go!
- [Sascha] What's on the stick?
[Alex] Only the most important
presentation our company's ever had.
It's to convince
the global financial elite
to buy our shares when we go public.
Sorry, Marco, it's urgent.
[Alex] We sell cloud-based
digital payment solutions in 40 countries,
but for internal documents
we use USB sticks.
If you want your stuff safe online,
don't put it online. Simple.
- What's that?
- [Alex] Um
Magnus's geomancer
found Earth currents in the elevator,
so it should only be used in emergencies.
This is a fucking emergency.
This is an emergency.
Our boss is a little esoteric. [chuckles]
- [Sascha] But I thought he was the boss.
- [Alex] Hm.
No.
[female narrator] This man is the boss.
Yes, Daddy is a prince. [chuckles, snorts]
- [baby crying]
- Ariane!
[female narrator] This is Magnus Cramer.
Visionary innovator. Tycoon.
Or simply, the CEO of CableCash.
The first 40 years of his life,
he was a loser.
He intends to be a winner
for the second 40 years.
["Money" by Milli Vanilli playing]
Mo-mo-mo-money rules the world
It's still the same old greed ♪
[female narrator]
Look at him. Awesome, right?
Not exactly the CEO
you'd picture at the head
of a German financial services provider.
But next to CEOs of his generation,
with their cars and huge penis rockets,
he actually seems pretty normal.
[snorts] I have to go!
With CableCash, he's planning
the biggest IPO in German history.
- Now, he is looking for his wife, Ariane.
- [baby crying]
- Ariane!
- [Ariane] Magnus?
- [Magnus] Ariane! I have to go!
- [baby crying]
- [Ariane] I'm here!
- [baby crying]
[Ariane] You're a CEO,
but you can't handle your own baby.
Where were you?
I have to be on stage soon.
Jerking off helps with stage fright.
- Is that from your crackpot makeup artist?
- Yes, I jerk him off when I'm nervous.
Magnus, I know
the IPO is a big deal for you,
but even if this all goes wrong,
we can still spend my father's money.
That'll be the day!
[Ariane]
Don't forget to let off some steam.
Money is the word
It's got that magic touch ♪
[Felix] Come on, faster!
It's right up here.
- Park there. Park there!
- [car engine revving]
- [Felix] Thanks.
- Sure.
- Money! Money! Money! Money! ♪
- [music concludes]
- [Felix] You've got to be kidding me.
- [bell dinging]
[indistinct chatter]
Sister, nephew. Alex.
- Hello!
- [Felix] They're living with me.
- What are you doing here?
- I forgot my USB stick.
I'm somehow a bit muddled,
and I can't say why.
Oh, wait! I know why!
Because my dumb sister showed up
and moved in with her butthead son,
on the most important day of my life!
[Magda] I thought you were nervous
because your company is accused
of working
with human traffickers and rapists.
- Where'd you hear that crap?
- Google Alerts.
I keep track of what they write about you.
Look, I've got "Felix Armand gay,"
"Felix Armand criminal"
and "Felix Armand dead."
This was under "criminal."
"Abuse, Human Trafficking
and Money Laundering,
the Link Between CableCash
and the Hermann Brothers' Porn Empire."
- Give that to me, you little shit!
- [laughs]
- Who is this?
- The Hermann brothers. They're harmless.
What's people's problem with porn?
Our customers shop online.
What do you think they do
with the time they save?
- [Alex] Please!
- It's true!
Now I have to find this damn USB stick
or we'll all be out
on the street tomorrow.
[Magda] It's just a presentation, Felix.
[Felix] Yes but the last one
before the IPO.
- Felix!
- Have you checked the laundry?
When I lose something,
it's usually in the laundry.
I'm not dumb enough
to put my USB stick in the laundry.
[female reporter] Companies
like CableCash are blowing new wind
into the sails of our economy.
[Felix] Idiots.
[female reporter] Business correspondent
Tom Wieland reports
- from the trade show
- [Felix clearing throat]
He actually did.
[female reporter]
Tom, how does it look there?
- [Felix] Felix Armand, CEO!
- [laughs]
[grunts]
- [Felix] Alex, come on.
- [laughs]
[Felix] We got it, let's go. Hurry up!
- When I get back here, you're gone!
- Is what it says in that blog true?
Or can you still visit
Banana-Milf guilt-free?
- What?
- Theoretically.
[Felix cheering]
- ["Money" playing over radio]
- [whistling in tune]
[phone ringing]
- [Magnus] No, not now.
- [beeps]
- [screen dinging]
- [grunts]
- [truck horn honking]
- Shit! Man!
[female operator] Please leave a message
after the beep.
- [line beeping]
- [Felix] Hi Magnus, I'm sure you're busy.
An article about us
and the porno goons has popped up.
I'll see if we can shut up
the journalist somehow.
- See you at the show.
- [car door opening]
Has she signed the NDA yet?
[car engine revving]
[Alex] It's not so bad. He has no proof.
[Felix] Yeah, but in addition to that,
our Digital Minister
has a little porno problem.
Here. "Emergency Meeting
in the Ministry of Sex."
[female narrator] The video
"Emergency Meeting in the Ministry of Sex"
can be found in the categories "German"
and "fetish" on banana-milf.com,
a popular adult entertainment site
founded by half-brothers
and nightclub owners,
Fabian and Till Hermann.
The Hermanns are CableCash's oldest
and most important customers.
But not necessarily the kind you want
as a soon-to-be publicly traded company.
Especially not one on the cusp
of closing a prestigious contract
with the federal government.
I'm not convinced by your idea.
Do you maybe have
any better arguments for me?
[female narrator] This, by the way,
is not the Digital Minister.
This is the Digital Minister,
and she really dislikes
being asked about the video because
That's her actual office.
- [laughs] Really?
- [Sascha] Of the Digital Minister?
Yes.
The janitor filmed it
while Maletzki was on vacation.
- [Alex] And what happened to the janitor?
- Forget him!
If Maletzki even hears the word "porno,”
we can forget the government contract.
- [Sascha] Uh-oh. Mr. Armand?
- Yeah?
- [Sascha] I think we have a problem.
- I I decide what's a
- [police siren blaring]
- This is a problem.
[police siren blaring]
Hey, Schumacher,
this isn't the Nürburgring. Pull over.
Yes? Drive.
Keep driving.
- [Sascha] Past them?
- [Felix] Drive!
The golden rule, if you want success,
you can't stick to the rules.
Let them prove we were speeding first.
Statement versus statement.
[male reporter]
Digital Minister
opened the Next in Tech in Düsseldorf.
Europe's biggest
digital technology exhibition
boasts 744 top-notch exhibitors
from 32 different countries
who will present
key innovations in the sector.
People are eagerly awaiting
Dr. Magnus Cramer's presentation.
His company CableCash
is being sold as the future
of the German financial sector.
[man over PA] Next stop, Trade Show.
Next in Tech visitors, please exit here.
[police siren blaring]
- Freeze!
- [Felix] Sorry, no time!
[police officer] It's a felony not to stop
when waved down.
No, it's a misdemeanor,
seventy euros and a point.
But it was her idea,
and the other one was driving.
Go easy on her. It's her first day.
[man speaking over PA]
[police officer] Who was driving? You?
- [upbeat music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
[Ms. Katz] Felix!
- Ms. Katz! Sorry, I'm in a rush.
- I just wanted to wish you luck.
You're hoping
for the contract from Maletzki, right?
- We're in the running, too.
- Uh, then she just has to decide.
- Deutsche Bank or "Banana-Milf" bank?
- [all laugh]
Tough decision, right?
Or the bank with a Nazi past
versus the one without?
Pretty simple, actually.
Felix, Germans are still less afraid
of Nazis than they are of sex scandals.
[man 1] Felix! [cheering]
[man 2 cheering]
[Magnus] Greed, ladies and gentlemen.
It is a sin to want to keep
things for oneself.
When greed joins the desire to create,
then it turns into curiosity.
[Stefanie] Psst!
[Magnus]
And that is what drives the courageous.
- [Stefanie] The master is rehearsing.
- [Magnus] Daredevils. Visionaries.
CableCash. Connecting the
[man] Sorry, I have to check
the levels again.
Can you just say something for me?
Maybe just what you had for breakfast.
- [Stefanie] The sound guy is an asshole.
- Egg, foie gras. Caviar.
A glass of champagne. And you?
- Maybe a bit more and louder.
- [Magnus] No!
I asked what you had for breakfast,
you dope!
Jizzfuck? Dickpiss?
Asspuke?
Test! Test!
[indistinct chatter]
[Magnus] You wanted to be a musician, huh?
Lacked the talent.
I'll do you a favor
and make sure you get fired.
- Felix. Hey!
- Magnus?
[Magnus] Did you see it? What'd you think?
- Great!
- I'm Hey, I'm ready.
Yeah. We just have a small problem.
A blog article appeared about us
and the Hermanns.
[Magnus] About who?
- The Hermann brothers.
- Never heard of them.
- [Felix] Magnus
- No idea.
- [metal clanking]
- [laughs, snorts]
- I'm kidding. [laughs]
- [chuckles]
But it's a real problem.
You know what?
If it can be solved without killing
anyone, it's not a problem.
Felix, we're about to do a show
for 2,000 people at Next in Tech.
Five years ago,
they wouldn't have let us in
to serve the champagne.
Now we're fucking our message
into their brains.
Yes, fucking
Maletzki has this little porno problem.
[woman 3] I'm not convinced by your idea.
Do you maybe have any better arguments?
Rule Number 34,
"If it exists, there's porn of it."
Everything. Elsa porn, Bambi porn.
She'll laugh about it.
You can't get nervous every time
some random journalist thinks we're jerks.
I'll be nervous
when no one thinks we're jerks.
Felix, you always want to be loved!
It doesn't work that way.
They should fear you!
Felix, doors are in seven minutes.
Presentation, please.
Yes.
Here's the presentation
with the new CEO structure
Yes, we'll leave that out today.
It would just overwhelm people.
We can't lose investor confidence,
otherwise the IPO will fail.
No IPO, no dough.
No dough, no CableCash.
Then I won't need a co-CEO anymore.
But we'll still sign the contract,
as agreed.
[Magnus] Contract? I have the contract
with me right here.
Of course, we'll sign it.
You're still going to be onstage.
[bell dinging]
Alex?
- [Alex] Yes? Magnus?
- Alex!
Have you heard from Elon? Is he coming?
Not yet.
[Magnus] Boom!
Felix!
[ad narrator, in English]
You deserve more.
You should be in charge of your future.
Eight billion people.
Eight billion dreams.
Eight billion ways to live a perfect life.
In a world where individual freedom
is the ultimate good,
partners are needed who understand
each and every one of those dreams.
And that's you.
You fulfill the wishes of your customers.
But who understands you?
Who dreams with you?
We do.
Of a world that no longer knows borders.
A world that we can change together,
with just one click.
- [muttering]
- [audience cheering]
[female presenter, in German] Innovator.
Visionary. Human being.
Dr. Magnus A. Cramer!
All I do is win win win ♪
No matter what ♪
Got money on my mind
I can never get enough ♪
And every time
I step up in the buildin' ♪
Everybody hands go up ♪
- [audience cheering]
- [Magnus] Hello? Oh!
Madame Minister, good evening.
You're ready, right?
Good evening!
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
- [Amira] Hello..
- [male receptionist] Yes.
- Nope. Not on the list.
- [Amira] Yes. Of course not.
Do you know what would happen
if I gave my real name?
The press would have a field day.
But I still have to get in.
It's for a good cause.
[Magnus] If I may be so bold
I want more of it.
I'm hungry! I'm greedy for data!
[audience cheers, applauds]
Sorry, that was a bit melodramatic.
That always happens
when I speak off the cuff.
My father is one
of the wealthiest men in Asia.
You know how the Asian media is?
- No. [clears throat]
- [Amira] They'd tweet it right away.
"Wallace's Daughter
Investing in German Company." Or
"Wallace's Daughter
Flirts with Trade Show Employee."
[male receptionist] No, that's
Please.
Okay.
- See ya.
- Mm-hm.
[Magnus] Galileo Galilei.
Christopher Columbus.
Thomas Edison.
- Elon Musk.
- [audience cheering]
Zoom in on her.
[Magnus] What, dear friends,
drives these four shining lights
of humanity?
The dream of a better world?
Okay, you have Maletzki.
The pious desire
for a society beyond capitalism?
[audience laughs]
[Magnus] No, no, no.
These are the visions of the greedy,
of the ever-hungry,
that move this world forward!
[audience cheering, applauding]
[Magnus] People, people, people!
The fate of the world.
That's what it's about.
We head to the future with a clear vision
and you're seeing it live.
Magnus.
We have a problem.
The journalist is in the audience.
He is in the audience.
We have to fuck him
before he fucks us, okay?
Repeat after me.
Greed has a bad image in this country.
Greed has a bad image in this country.
But another German trait
is far more harmful than greed.
But another German trait
is far more harmful than greed.
Namely, envy.
[Felix] A good friend of mine has
a terrific restaurant here in Düsseldorf,
with truly exquisite cuisine.
Although it has
10,000 good online reviews,
there is, of course, one bad review.
Everyone likes it except one person.
But which of those 10,001 reviews
does a proper German read through?
- Exactly!
- The negative one!
- Although there are many reasons one
- would endeavor
to hatefully slam a restaurant.
Perhaps he simply
doesn't like restaurants.
He has a food allergy
that always leads to flatulence.
[audience laughing]
Or he just cannot
stand that this clearly
top-quality restaurant is successful,
- unlike he himself!
- [cheering]
Even we are occasionally the victims
of online attacks.
What topic do they use to try to discredit
our up-and-coming online business?
Okay, pause.
- [woman] Magnus, we love you!
- [Felix] Pause. Hold it.
- Internet pornography!
- Internet pornography!
Wow!
[Felix] Whatever these articles say,
any idiot who visits
our Wikipedia page can read
that long before my time as CEO,
there were payments processed
in the field of adult entertainment.
That's no secret.
But we have had nothing to do
with these people for a long time.
And such content
is far from the only thing
people pay for online these days.
[Magnus] A little example of another way
money can be earned on the Internet.
[Felix] Magnus, give them the deal.
[scoffs] This isn't
yet completely official, but
Earlier this morning, CableCash
closed a far-reaching deal
with the federal government.
[audience cheers, applauds]
When the journalist talks, zoom in on him.
And you, make sure he gets a microphone.
[Magnus] passports digitally paid for
with a financial service provider
- made in Germany!
- [audience cheers]
- [Magnus] Right, buddy
- Very good.
now that you came all the way here,
I'm sure you'd like to say something.
Go on, stand up. So everyone can see you.
[audience booing]
[Magnus] Yes, we're listening.
- How do you defend yourself against
- [microphone feedback screeching]
- How do you defend yourself How do you
- [audience clamoring]
[Alex] Look, Felix.
Fuck, it's trending already.
TOM WIELAND IS CURRENTLY
FUCKING UP CABLECASH
[Alex] Woke Twitter is fully on his side.
[Magnus] We're all listening.
How do you defend yourself
against the accusation
Felix, come here.
[Tom] of providing financial services
to Manpower GmbH?
- Here's something.
- We do no such thing.
[Magnus] no such thing.
How do you defend yourself
against the accusation
that you fell for the satirical report
that VW and Daimler were merging to form,
listen to this,
- "Waimler"?
- [audience laughs]
Fabian and Till
Fabian and Till Hermann,
the operators of Internet platforms
like JizzTube, Banana-Milf.
- Zoom right in on him.
- They earn money on their sites
- on their sites
- [Magnus] Don't be so rough with him.
It was very hard for him too.
Tut, tut, tut.
- [audience booing]
- [Magnus] Goodbye, my friend. Goodbye!
Goodbye. Some people, huh? [chuckles]
So, friends
Times are changing.
And sometimes
that goes faster than we'd like.
But
with CableCash
you're ready.
- [audience cheering, applauding]
- Ready for the future.
Ready
- for the connected future. Thank you!
- [audience cheers, applauds]
[dramatic music playing]
We fucked them!
[all cheer, applaud]
[Magnus] Listen up!
Felix made sure that we got rid
of that fucking lying journalist!
- Lawbreakers, as if!
- [all booing]
[Magnus] We're now official partners
of the federal government!
[all cheering]
Your idea doesn't convince me, Magnus.
[indistinct chatter]
Do you maybe have
any better arguments for me?
Yes, of course, I saw the video too.
But I thought it was unrealistic.
Her breasts were way too small, right?
[all laughing]
- [Madame Minister] The party continues!
- [Magnus] Madame Minister, do you know
- Do you know Felix Armand?
- No.
Vice President of Technology.
He's something like my right hand.
- Yes.
- Imagine it this way.
If I'm James Bond, then he's my Q.
Well? What does your Q think of you
conjuring up our contract agreement
out of thin air,
even though it doesn't exist?
Mr. Bond?
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Madame Minister] What do we do now?
On to the afterparty?
And I don't show up
because I'm angry at you?
How would that look?
[grunts]
For years I've been rambling on
about Germany taking off
as a digital location.
But it never takes off.
And then it does take off,
and the lame minister misses the party!
As if it would come to that! Right?
[chuckles]
But I don't have to worry about
Fabian and Till Hermann being there, do I?
I mean, one photo of me
and them at the same party
and there'd be no Moneypenny
from the federal government.
And the digital rocket
will stay stuck on the launching pad.
[all hooting]
[blows raspberry]
The Hermanns? No!
Why would they be there? Right?
- Right, Felix?
- There's no reason at all.
No.
No. Come on, we'll
Here [chuckling]
People! Have you realized
that our minister is here?
[upbeat music playing]
THE HERMANNS
[crowd cheers]
Guys, we have to talk. Five minutes.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Man, brah, he was almost in me already.
- [Fabian] No, in you!
Fuck, dude, this is our club, man!
- I am really a little hurt, Felix!
- No, guys, between us nothing changes.
It's just that you're criminals,
and today we have to hide that.
But you're still our favorite customers.
Magnus agrees.
Cut it with your bullshit excuses.
- Forget it!
- You know what?
Magnus should come himself.
Batman doesn't just send
Robin to Joker, right?
Bro, in Robin II, Batman was on vacation
in Rio de Janeiro and sent Robin
- Dude, shut up!
- Excuse me.
It's filling up out there,
and the Digital Minister is here.
People. Look at you.
No, seriously. Look at you.
Now look at me.
What company wants
to work with such clowns?
No reputable bank wants to handle
payments from your masturbators.
[Fabian] If you didn't have us,
you wouldn't be able
to afford such a club at all.
I don't think you get it.
[Sascha] Hey!
Wait!
[chamber clicks]
[breathes deeply]
Shoot.
[Fabian] Felix,
we've shot people for less.
Just shoot.
If you go out there now,
the deal with the Digital Minister's dead.
Investors won't trust in us either,
so the IPO won't work.
Once the clean image is gone,
all the shit will really hit the fan,
and in two weeks we'll both be insolvent.
And before I'm bankrupt,
I'd rather be dead.
- [crowd cheering]
- Shoot.
[breathes deeply]
[Till] Felix, come on, cut the act.
Don't overreact.
We didn't shoot or anything.
- No.
- [Felix] Shit.
[laughing] Okay.
I really thought for a second
you were going to shoot me.
[laughs] Whoa! That was
That was That was pretty awesome.
And you most of all! You
[Fabian] If you're ashamed
of any of your customers,
then it should be of the mafia.
- [Felix grunting]
- [Fabian] Think about that, Felix.
One more thing.
Could you leave out the back exit?
[chimes]
["All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled playing]
All I do is win win win no matter what ♪
Got money on my mind
I can never get enough ♪
And every time I step up in the buildin'
Everybody hands go up ♪
[crowd cheers]
And they stay there
And they say yeah ♪
- And they stay there ♪
- [crowd cheers]
Felix!
I want to sign the contract!
Let's do it now. Really!
I want to sign it.
I want to sign the contract now.
- I've waited long enough.
- [Magnus] Five minutes.
Magnus, Elon's not coming.
His mother's already here.
Elon is going to come too. I feel it.
We really are the greatest, Felix!
We'll buy Deutsche Bank!
[Desi] Magnus!
- Desi!
- [Desi] What an awesome party!
- We'll put Germany back on the map!
- [Magnus] Yeah!
[Desi] Germany!
- [crowd cheer]
- [indistinct chatter]
Stay there ♪
["All I Do Is Win" playing]
- [crowd cheer]
- [indistinct chatter]
That guy's a total narcissistic asshole.
For a job like that, it's not an advantage
to be loved by everyone.
It's better to be feared.
[Amira] So you would
do the same?
If you were the boss
and he were the cute assistant?
Okay. Okay. Okay.
- Firstly, I'm not his assistant.
- Mm-mm.
Secondly
what do you want from me?
I'm searching for a man
who knows how to value money,
and who needs a woman who can handle it.
And I thought
you could maybe introduce me to one.
He can be an asshole too.
- Can I give you a piece of advice? Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
Don't get started with money.
If you get used to it,
you'll be stuck on it forever.
As for me, I'm not the type
to take advantage of someone
who's had too many gin and tonics.
[clears throat] Okay, I see.
- Yeah.
- Mm.
This is a misunderstanding.
- Okay, so?
- I have money and I want to invest it.
You have
You have money.
- [Amira chuckles]
- Not because of that, I mean
You thought the poor young lady
was looking for a rich man
who'll give her money.
But to restore your worldview,
I didn't earn it all myself, of course.
I just got it from my dad.
And how he earned it,
you don't even want to know.
I thought I needed to look out for you,
but you seem to get along fine.
Yeah, I'll go then.
I'll just go.
I really think you're not
enough of an asshole to be a good boss.
- Not enough of an asshole to be boss?
- No, not at all.
[glass shatters]
- [glass clinking]
- [laughs]
Uh careful.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, what do you say to
the two of us going somewhere quieter
To
- [Felix] to talk about investments?
- Us two?
Yes, it sounds suggestive, but I mean
How about
maybe we could talk in private.
Very professionally, and without assholes.
- Magnus!
- [snorts]
- [Amira] Hi.
- Watch out for this rascal. [laughs]
He's a sly dog.
- I would know, I discovered him.
- Magnus!
I'm discussing business here.
- Hey, you wanted to sign the contract!
- [Felix] Now?
- [Magnus] Or we can do it next week.
- [Felix] No, okay, we'll do it now.
Come on.
Here, my card. Take it.
- Card.
- Yes.
Elon's not coming.
He has to be out early tomorrow. Let's go.
Felix! How long has it been?
I couldn't get in. I wasn't on the list.
Sorry, Marco, now's not good.
- Let's talk on the phone, okay?
- [Marco] Felix, no! Not
[keys jingling]
[Magnus] Do you have a guest?
[Felix] No.
- I'll turn the alarm off quick.
- [Magnus] I have to piss.
[water splashing]
Hey! Hey!
Felix, what are you doing?
Are you crazy? What's wrong?
- [Felix] You have to go.
- Just shut the door!
[Felix] There is no door.
And I have someone there.
[Magda] Then just introduce us.
- What's up?
- It's important. You need to hide.
[Magnus] It's made for Hollywood,
it's like
Arnold Schwarzenegger
and what's that dwarf's name?
- [Felix] Danny DeVito.
- Yes, Danny DeVito.
- It's a man! You're going out with a man!
- Be quiet!
Okay. You guys go and hide.
[Magnus] If they make it a movie
without asking, I'll sue their pants off.
[toilet flushing]
[chuckles] Felix.
Well, Felix, here we are. Your big moment.
Yes. I'll get something for a toast.
- Yes, great idea.
- [Felix] Yeah?
Let's have a drink after today.
- We can sign it tomorrow.
- No.
What?
You've been saying that
for ten years now at least.
So one day more won't matter.
Magnus, we've discussed
the contract a zillion times, okay?
[Magnus] [sighing] Fine. If you say so.
I need three signatures.
You can see for yourself where.
There. Yes, on the back.
One there on the back.
Great.
Below.
One there below. And one more.
- [Felix] There!
- Yes! Thank you.
Come on.
[chimes]
- To our achievement.
- And to the future.
[dramatic music playing]
- Yes, the future. Listen up.
- Yes.
We'll discuss it now.
- Look here.
- I had a few things
This is exactly
the right position for you. [snorts]
[glass thudding]
- [Felix] Position?
- Because operating, that you can do.
COO.
- COO?
- Yes. Chief Operating Officer.
[chimes, buzzes]
[laughs]
What did I just sign?
[Magnus] Your termination agreement.
Oh!
[Magnus] I knew you wouldn't understand.
What was I supposed to do?
Two CEOs, that just doesn't work.
It confuses investors
and the agencies downgrade us.
We'd end up bankrupt
so you can satisfy your ego.
- I have no ego! Magnus, I have no ego!
- You're free to go, Felix.
Technically,
you've been unemployed since
a minute and a half ago. [scoffs]
- Felix! No!
- I'll clobber you!
You can't! I can't run around
with a black eye for the next week.
[glass thudding]
I'm giving interviews
every day until the IPO.
Pull yourself together.
- [bones cracking]
- [pants]
What was that?
[pants]
Are you going to sign it now?
Or stick with the termination?
Don't ruin our evening.
Please.
Sign it now.
Look, the two of us are like this.
Yeah? Against the rest of the world.
Against the big dogs!
[chuckles, snorts]
Come on.
- Like Batman and Robin?
- [Magnus] If not more.
If not more.
Yes, wonderful.
You sign, and then
that's done.
Can I crash here?
Filius is teething right now.
[groans]
Felix! [chuckles]
[snoring]
- [thuds]
- [snoring]
Felix! What are you doing?
Dork.
[soft music playing]
SUBJECT: MEETING ABOUT INVESTMEN
[keyboard clacking]
THURSDAY EVENING?
AMIRA
[male reporter]'s success
and that of the German fintech sector
YOUR COMPANY
[male reporter]
in the hands of Dr..
It is truly a fantastic story.
A business consultant turned visionary.
THE HERMANNS
[male reporter] And Dr.
single-handedly made a worthless startup
into the hope
of the European financial sector.
[female reporter 1] Does Germany have
its own Elon Musk?
[female reporter 2] We usually only know
such overachievers from Silicon Valley.
But we can absolutely keep up in Germany.
- Magnus A. Cramer.
- [crowd laughs]
He bathes in a tub
of testosterone every morning,
and then has one-and-a-half
grilled tiger cubs for breakfast.
[female reporter 3] In a few minutes,
we'll see whether his unique genius
can inspire investors too.
It's one of the most exciting IPOs
ever on the German stock exchange.
What convinced you in your decision?
[man 5] Can I tell people
I'm sleeping with a billionaire now?
[Amira] I lied to you.
And we can't see each other anymore,
because I have to pay off my debts first.
The room doesn't include breakfast.
[Desi]
in the FinTech Champions League.
And I'm convinced they want to win.
CABLECASH GOES PUBLIC
[male interviewer]
Let's go live to the floor in Frankfurt,
where we'll learn
how CableCash stock opens
for the first time.
[female reporter 4] We haven't seen this
in a long time, if ever, in Germany!
Believe it or not, the stock rose
straight to 110 euros!
[all cheer]
[triumphant music playing]
TO THE MOON! HOT TIP FROM MY MOTHER.
CABLECASH STONKS
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Mr. Armand!
Look, boss.
That journalist still thinks we suck.
That's not so bad.
I'll start getting nervous
when no one thinks we suck.
[triumphant music continues]
[Felix] COO.
Actually the perfect position
for you, Felix.
Magnus can play the mascot
as long as you pull the strings.
The COOs are always the important ones.
Like, for example, what's his name
Whatever.
At least you won't get fucked
if something goes wrong.
[door knocking]
And this bouquet and a card
from the Hermanns came too.
Okay. Thanks.
[triumphant music continues]
[Fabian] Brah! You won't pick up,
so we'll do it this way.
We told the cops about you and the mob,
so now you'll have more time for us.
If there's trouble,
don't take it personally.
- We'll stay pals anyway. Bye!
- [Till] Bye, brah!
No, no, no, no, no!
[all cheering] CableCash! CableCash!
[police officer 1]
Quiet please! Let the police
Please return to your desks.
What is this?
This is my COO, Mr. Armand.
He's responsible for making sure
everything is on the up and up.
I have no idea about such things,
if I'm being honest.
No, I'm coming.
[laughs]
[laughs]
["Amores Como el Nuestro"
by Jerry Rivera playing]