Knight Squad (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

1 Whoa Hey, hey, hey Oh, oh, oh, oh Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey Oh, oh Na, na, na, na Hey, hey, hey Astoria Castle's beautiful.
Hey, why are you in my wagon? Remember when I politely asked you to give me a ride to knight school? - No.
- Neither do I.
[GRUNTS.]
See ya! [GROWLS.]
I'm gonna miss us! Wazow! ALL: Oh! Nailed it! MAN: People of Astoria! I am comin', comin', comin' through.
I am Sir Gareth the Often Injured.
- [CLANK.]
- Ow! [CLANK.]
There is an opening in our legendary knight school.
Do you have what it takes to defend our kingdom from Riker and his evil army? You know it! Wasn't really asking.
This is kind of part of my speech.
Phoenix Squad is looking to add a new member.
Will it to be you? Yeah! Another fake question.
Got it, yeah.
You'll get the chance to train alongside Ciarra the Brave, Mistress of Kicks.
And master of whatever this is called.
- [CLANK.]
- [GASPING.]
[WHOOSH.]
[CLANK.]
Prudence the Powerful.
She may only be a quarter giant, but she has giant strength.
[YELLS.]
I'm gonna be the first giant to become a knight.
It was almost my uncle, but then he stepped on his teacher.
And finally, Warwick.
His father and his grandfather were both knights.
Yup, I'm a third-generation knight, first-generation stud.
And I'm super fast with my feet.
[CLANK.]
I-I-I'm still working on my hands.
Sign-ups shall begin momentarily.
Can I get a cheer for Astoria? ALL: For Astoria! What, so it's okay for them to answer? I told you these wannabes had to beg for a new member.
Oh, hi, Ciarra.
I was just talking about how lame you are.
Must've been a short conversation.
Up top, Prudy! Ow! Sorry.
Hello, Sir.
The name's Arc, and I've dreamed of becoming a knight since I was a baby.
Now, my first toy was a dagger.
My second was a first aid kit.
Well, it sounds like you have wonderful parents.
But you do know that knight school's only for those descended from noble Dragon Bloods.
Of course! You think I'd climb Spider Mountain, cross the Zombie Swamp, and hitch a ride on a sweaty ogre's wagon without knowing all the details? [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, that would be pretty dumb.
Yeah.
All I need now is your class fee, which is 2,000 gold pieces.
Shut your one good eye! I mean let me go collect my allowance.
I'll be back in 72 years.
Hey, hey hey Whoa, oh, oh hey Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh Oh Whoa, oh, oh hey Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, we will be here We are the Knight Squad Hey Hey, hey, hey Paid the fee, check.
Good with a sword, check.
Looks like a knight Close enough.
All right, am I in or am I so in? Oh, you are so in! [LAUGHS.]
Welcome to knight school.
Nice to have you on the Phoenix Squad, Arc.
Hope you last longer than the guy you replaced.
Hey, you're just in! Now class, I need one squad to volunteer to help with today's lesson.
Watch this.
- Boo! - [SCREAMS.]
Phoenix Squad, I'll take your pathetic childlike screams as a yes.
Too easy.
that danger lurks where you least expect it.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Guys, that statue just came to life and he looks like a meanie! We can take him.
Draw your swords! That's a stone warrior.
Swords won't work on him.
- I got this.
- But we're a team.
Shh, let the boy do his thing! STONE WARRIOR: [GRUNTS.]
Time for you to meet my friend, Cliff.
No, na, na, na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na Yes! Oh, yes! That was Cliff! Because you threw him off a cliff! [LAUGHS.]
Extra credit for heroic wordplay.
Your squad can now select a bonus quest.
[WHOOSH.]
CIARRA: Yes! Yeah, sweet! A bonus quest! I'd be more excited if I knew what that was.
It's a chance to get extra points, which we desperately need.
But we're in last place.
If we fail the quest, we'll be kicked out of knight school.
Do you know how disappointed my dad will be if I get kicked out? My name is WARwick, not Peacewick.
Well, let's do an easy one.
What's the Quest of the Golden Dagger? It's just the hardest one.
Very hard.
Your squad must retrieve my golden dagger from the mighty beast who stole it.
He also stole my left hand.
This one's this one's metal.
[CLANKING.]
So is my, uh, left butt cheek.
Story for another day.
Way to go, Arc.
Now we just have to pick a quest by the end of the day.
If you make it to the end of the day, that's a Phoenix Squad new guy record.
That's strange.
The princess has that exact same ring.
Uh she's a princess.
She has things.
That's what they do.
They have things.
Okay, why are you being so weird? Okay, the running away didn't make it any less weird.
Hey hey, hey It's okay.
Your secret's safe.
Actually, I think Arc figured it out.
No, he didn't.
Aah! You're not allowed in my room! I mean, the princess's room.
Drop the act, all right? I've been to the Pixie Crystal River.
I know that ring can transform you and that you're the - KING: Princess? - What he said.
Now would be a good time to press that ring.
[TINKLING.]
- Whoa! - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Princess, there's something I need to know.
Does this new crown make me look younger? Like a prince.
What would I do without you, sweetie? So what were you saying about not being the princess? Okay, I'm the princess.
I can't believe you found out.
No one in this kingdom knows.
This is so cool! I'm hanging out with a princess.
What should I do? Bow, curtsy? That curtsy looks like you're taking a poop.
And what kind of Dragon Blood doesn't know how to act around a princess? Wait a second.
You're not a Dragon Blood.
Of course I am! I'm Sir Arc, the guy who did not sleep behind the castle last night.
You're right, I'm not a Dragon Blood.
Then who are you? The truth is my homeland was captured by Riker's army.
The only way I can save my people is by becoming a Knight of Astoria.
But they don't let people like me become knights.
You're not the only one.
My dad is so worried about my safety, he won't let me go to knight school.
Up until a year ago, I still slept in my crib.
Good night, my little baby.
I am a teenager! [GROANS.]
You're a princess.
I mean, that's gotta be great.
Don't get me wrong.
It rocks.
I have a 24-hour snack catapult.
Corn dog! [WHOOSH.]
I wanna be a princess! But being a knight has always been my dream.
That's why I have to pretend to be Ciarra.
Wow.
We both have the same dream.
You know, maybe we can help each other.
Think about it.
I know your secret.
And I know yours.
You're wearing ladies' battle pants.
I am? Well, I make it work.
It would be nice having someone watch my back.
But how do I know I can trust you with my secret? It's not like you have a choice.
Mm, I can lock you in the tower for the rest of your life.
Yeah, let's go back to the trust thing.
Ah, oh Na, na, na Arc, you're gonna love the Tasty Trunk.
And it's owned by a warlock, so everything is served with a side of what the heck.
You mean like a tree gnome giving me the stink eye? With Arc on our squad, we're one step closer to becoming knights and convincing the princess to be my boo.
Warwick has a crush on the princess.
What do you think about that, Ciarra? I have a feeling he's not her type.
Actually, I think they'd make a cute couple.
Thanks, Arc.
You know nothing, Ciarra.
So, you guys hear there's some skinny weirdo sleeping behind the castle? Man, am I thirsty! Are you guys thirsty? 'Cause-'Cause I'm thirsty.
Uh, four vanilla floats, please.
- [WHOOSH.]
- [TINKLING.]
Well, hello there, Team Last Place.
Oh, hi, I'm Sage, the nicest girl in knight school.
Yeah, you're not creepy at all.
- I'm Buttercup! - Quiet, But.
So, have you guys figured out what quest you're gonna fail? Sage, you're just jealous 'cause our squad is lit now that we have Arc.
Well, if you're so lit, then why don't you take on the Quest of the Golden Dagger? [GASPING.]
[CLANK.]
Unless you're scared.
Uh, breathe, Ciarra.
Don't let her send you into a Sage rage.
Oh, come on.
I thought you were the Phoenix Squad, not the Chicken Squad! Bak-bak-aah! You know what? We're the Phoenix Squad.
We're gonna get that golden dagger.
That's right.
I said it! Oh no, I said it! You sure did! And when you fail you're gonna get kicked out of knight school.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you guys.
Just kidding! You're the worst.
It's my birthday! [GIGGLES.]
All right, guys, I know the Phoenix Squad has been in the toilet.
Wait, who told him about my accident? Oh, not what you're talking about.
But maybe, just maybe, we can defeat the beast with sweet moves like this.
[WHOOSH.]
Wazow! Wazow? Arc's the thief! Yeah, he is.
He stole my flip moves.
Na, na, na, na Na, na, na, na, na, na Who's ready to get their quest on? What was that thing you yelled out in the Tasty Trunk? Wazow? Yeah, it's like my catchphrase.
Imagine if "whassup" and "wow" had a baby, that beautiful child is "wazow.
" You know who else said that? The guy who stole my tiara.
What? Someone stole my catchphrase and your tiara? Man, that guy sounds like a real jerk.
I know it was you.
Okay, it was me.
But I needed to steal your tiara so I could go to knight school.
You are the only person I've ever trusted with my secret, and you lied to my face.
Okay, you're right.
I'll-I'll never do it again.
How can I believe anything you say? Without trust, you can't be a part of the Phoenix Squad.
Wait.
Did you just kick me out of the squad? You kicked yourself out.
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[HOWLING.]
[LOUD SNORING.]
There's the cave where the beast sleeps.
We really shouldn't be doing this without Arc.
Yeah, well, Arc said he's quitting knight school to become a a moat lifeguard.
But we need him.
I'm useless ly pleading for you to forget that I said that.
He's gone.
And the Phoenix Squad will be gone too if we don't get the dagger back by the end of class.
[SNORING.]
All right! Time to wake the beast up and let him know breakfast is here.
Did you get me those noise fairies? Yup! They were on sale at the Fairy Queen.
- [POP.]
- [TINKLING.]
Buttercup? This jar says "Nose Fairies," not "Noise Fairies.
" That explains why they were on sale! Oh.
Oh no, I think I'm gonna sneeze! Take cover! [PANTS.]
Ahh Achoo! - [RUMBLING.]
- [GROWL.]
[GROWL.]
Heh! Works for me.
[STOMPING.]
Prepare for the biggest fight of your life.
[CLANKING.]
[GROWLS.]
Against the tiniest creature ever.
[GROWLS.]
PRUDENCE: He's so cute! I just wanna pinch his widdle cheeks! [GROWLS.]
Oof! We've got another meanie on our hands! - [GROWLS.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Arc! Thank you, I will have a seat.
Why so glum? You look like me after that goblin swallowed my kneecap.
It's my squad.
They went to fight the beast without me.
But they took Warwick? Oh.
Bold choice, okay.
Well, it's a long story.
But Ciarra doesn't trust me anymore because I stole her her-her-her favorite sword move, the stab 'n dab.
Arc, do you know the difference between trust and my left hand? Trust is something that you can get back.
[CLANKING.]
Well, Ciarra's never gonna forgive me.
Not if you don't get off your sorry rump and give her a reason to.
A true knight never quits on his squad.
Warlock! Two club sodas.
[TINKLING.]
Put it on my friend's bill.
Okay, he disarmed us and knocked us off our feet, but we ran him down! [GROWLS.]
We have to run.
But if we leave, we'll never become knights.
But we'll be alive, which is pretty cool too.
Man, I wish Arc was here.
Wazow! Aah! Whoa, am I wizard? You came back? Well, a true knight never gives up on their squad.
Warwick, you're the fastest.
Get back to class and tell them we're coming with the dagger.
No problem, guys.
You can count on me.
[SIGHS.]
He's totally going the wrong way.
So? Since I saved you and all, think I can have a second chance? But this isn't the time to talk about it.
What? Are you still mad at me? I'm mostly disappointed.
He's mad.
[GROWLS.]
Okay, looks like the two of us are gonna have to take him down.
We've gotta get in his head.
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
You're looking at a full day's worth of knight school training coming at you, buddy! Yeah, what do you got that we don't got? [WHOOSH.]
Fire! He's got fire! Yeah! [WHOOSH.]
What are we gonna do now? Okay, I-I think I know how we can do this together, but you're gonna have to trust me.
[TINKLING.]
Excuse me, woodland creature.
Your princess has come to challenge you to a dance battle.
[DANCE MUSIC.]
Now! - Take that! - Wazow! - BEAST: [GROANS.]
- [THUD.]
Okay, that was pretty awesome, except for when you stole my catchphrase.
You can have "wazow" back when I get my tiara back.
And that is why you never try to milk a horse in battle.
Oh no, where are Arc and Ciarra? [YELLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
BOTH: Nailed it! I believe this belongs to you.
[CHUCKLES.]
My beloved golden dagger! [LAUGHS.]
Thank you! I don't mean to brag, but I was there too.
[CHUCKLES.]
Phoenix Squad, you have aced the quest.
We worked so hard to eliminate them, and now they're right back in it! So does that mean you don't want these leftover nose fairies? [TINKLING.]
Aah Sorry! I'll pick them out! Thanks again for coming to help, Sir Arc the Trustworthy.
Now that name is completely lame.
What about Sir Arc the Guy Getting Chased by an Ogre? - I don't get it.
- You will! Come back here, you! Hey, don't break him! We need him! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Oh Na, na, na