Kung Fu Panda: The Paws of Destiny (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

[YOUNG PANDA LAUGHS.]
NARRATOR: The Dragon Warrior No, wait.
The Dragon Master faces an epic test to his master status.
Pirates! They've stolen the sacred Golden Peach.
Ka-pow! Huzzah! It is I, the Dragon Master! Wait, what? No, I am the real Dragon Master.
[SCREAMING.]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! We can't all be Po![CRASHING.]
Yeah, we can! Woo-hoo! Seriously? Guys, stop this! Guys! You're ruining the story! I was Po first.
And there can only be one Po at a time, okay? That's just science.
[BAO SCREAMING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
Kick him in the tenders! Grr! [ALL SCREAMING.]
Come on, guys! Master Po will be in the village any minute! We're running out of time to find the [GASPS.]
rare Bing Lunghua Orchid.
[GASPS.]
Oh! We found one! When Po shows up for the Peach Blossom Banquet, I'm gonna give it to him.
In the old times, when a Kung Fu student pledged their commitment to Kung Fu, they present a gift to a master.
Hey, ding-dongs! It looks like the shindig's about to kick off.
We're never gonna make it down in time.
[CART CREAKS.]
FAN TONG: Um Are we, uh Are we sure this is safe? Nope! [SCREAMS IN EXCITEMENT.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
I can't look.
I can't look.
I can't look I just looked.
I shouldn't have looked! [SCREAMING IN EXCITEMENT.]
LI: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the annual Peach Blossom Festival.
[BORED CHEER.]
We are honored that the Dragon Master Po [GIGGLES.]
My son Is coming here to bless our village's beloved Peach Statue.
He has a very busy blessing schedule, so this is huge for our town.
Did I mention he's my son? And he's the Dragon Master!Woah! Can we wrap this up? [LAUGHS.]
And he'll be here in our quiet, sleepy, peaceful [PANDAS SCREAMING.]
Giant peach! Coming through! Everybody out of the way! Watch out! Get out Turn! Put your butts into it! [SLOWED DOWN SCREAMING.]
We gotta jump! The Peach! [GASPS.]
[GASPS.]
Woah! What the heck happened here? [PANDAS CRYING.]
I can't see.
Master Po.
I wish to become your student.
Hold that thought.
Nobody panic! The Dragon Master is in the house! I won't let anything happen to those dumplings! I have a feeling we're in deep They always do this! [RINGING BELL.]
Oh, no! They don't fit in! Oh! Wait, help me lift this off! Oh! PANDA: Folks.
Folks.
Hey.
You can't Everybody's mad at us.
Even Master Po thinks we're screw-ups.
You think all that angry yelling is about us? [sighs.]
Yeah, Bao.
I think it's about us.
Wow! That was some festival! It was a total rager, huh? [LAUGHS.]
Thanks for reminding us, Grandma.
Aw, come on! I'm just having a little fun at your expense.
[GLASS BREAKS.]
[KISSES.]
Time for shut-eye, kiddos.
[KISSES.]
I know it hasn't been easy for you two since your parents have been gone.
And everybody in town sounds really mad at you.
I imagine you're less popular now than ever.
Gosh, I'd hate to be you right now.
Oof! Not your best pep talk, Grandma.
The good news? Everything is temporary.
Folks forget things pretty quickly.
'Night, kiddos.
[YAWNS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
We gotta do something to show everyone how sorry we are.
I got this.
I'm gonna go down there and charm everybody.
Turn on that patented Bao charisma.
Maybe pop my vest off.
Give 'em a little panda eye candy.
Can you be serious for, like, one second? We really messed up this time.
We almost blew up the whole town.
But, hey! On the bright side, everybody's talking about us.
Huh? Huh? Am I right? Yaw! Wait.
What if we went down and brought the Peach Statue back up to the village? How? I don't know.
Roll it? We've gotta do something to show everyone how sorry we are.
Right? [GROANS.]
Fine.
So how're we gettin' this bad boy all the way back to the village? Great question.
And the answer is a little something called teamwork.
Because if we work together, there's nothing we can't do.
[SCOFFS.]
Except for maybe pushing a giant stone peach up a hill.
Okay.
On three.
One, two Wait.
Is it "one, two, three, push"? Or is it "one, two, push"? Yep.
I had the same question, chief.
And should we warm up? You know, like, get a good stretch in before we One, two, three, push! Okay? [NERVOUSLY.]
Uh-huh.
All right, let's do this! One two, three, push! [ALL STRAINING.]
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[ALL PANTING.]
[PANTING.]
Nu Hai, look.
Yo, check out this place.
So baller-iffic.
This place feels a little haunted.
BAO: Dude, this place looks like a tomb! Oh! I can't wait to see all those dead bodies.
NU HAI: What do you think these statues are? "The Temple of the Four Constellations.
" "Blue Dragon.
Red Phoenix "White Tiger.
Black Tortoise.
" NU HAI: Okay, until we know what this is, nobody touch anything.
[LAUGHS.]
Like what? Like this? You're so annoying.
Can I rub my butt on it? Huh? Does that count as touching? A little butt rubbin'? Oh no, I can't control my butt.
[ALL GASP.]
Whoops! Holy underpants! [SQUEALS.]
Huh? [SCREAMING.]
What the heck was that? Yeah, what the heck was that? Those lights, and the statues And was there, like, creepy singing going on, or was that just in my head? Yeah, those lights, and Fan Tong! Buddy It would be super helpful if I was the only one freaking out right now.
Yeah.
Guys, something supernatural definitely happened in that cave.
Something scary.
We're gonna be famous, y'all! [LAUGHS.]
Uh, Nu Hai? You're glowing.
[GASPS.]
Huh? [GASPING IN EXCITEMENT.]
[LAUGHING.]
Hey.
Hey! Oh.
My hand's glowing too.
Whoopee.
What's going on? How should I know? [DOOR OPENS.]
[ALL GASP.]
I heard screaming.
It's all good, Grandma.
Yep.
Nothing to see here, old-timer.
Keep it moving.
[CHI HUMS.]
Love ya.
It's dark.
I'm old.
My hips hate me.
Go to sleep.
[SIGH AND GASP.]
You two don't even live here! Go to your home! I have failed you, Jade Tusk.
Four Panda children found the temple before us and I am sorry! I am not the one who requires the apology.
Where are they now? JADE TUSK: In Panda Village.
Jade Tusk remove this one from my sight.
Permanently.
No.
No, no, Master, please! No! Please allow me to correct her grievous mistake.
Surely the children must know how to get back into the Temple.
Then perhaps you should ask them yourself.
And do ask nicely.
Why are you kiddos so interested in the Four Constellations? It's a long story.
Here we are.
"One thousand years ago "The Four Constellations "Blue Dragon, Black Tortoise, White Tiger, and Red Phoenix "learned of a grave threat to a sacred wellspring "Some say it was the source of all chi in the universe.
"And a Dark Master had designs on harnessing that chi.
" "But even with the Dark Master gone "the Four Constellations knew all that chi "was too tempting for those with evil ambitions "So they hid the wellspring in the last place anyone would look "in the hopes four worthy Kung Fu masters "would answer the call to greatness.
" Of course, nobody even knows if any of that actually happened.
Hmm? Kiddos? Kiddos? [ALL CHATTERING.]
NU HAI: Chi powers! And then there was this eye circle thing-y.
Hey, hey, hey! Let's all just calm down and tell me what's up.
Enough jibber-jabber.
Let's cut to the chase.
You gotta teach us Kung Fu, bubba.
Master Po, the universe totally chose us to be these, like, supernatural Kung Fu masters.
And, okay, yeah.
Out loud that sounds really weird.
There was an ancient temple in a cave by the bottom of the elevator.
It was real.
BAO: Master Po I know they may not look like much But surely you can see the potential in me.
Oh, you gotta teach us.
Listen, I used to have all kinds of fun with my imagination when I was a kid.
[GULPS.]
Yeah.
I got so lonely as a kid True story, my best friend was a radish I drew a face on.
Don't tell anybody.
Please, Master Po.
We need you to teach us.
Uh Look, guys, I'd love to.
But I kinda got a lot on my plate.
I mean, like, literally.
I need to eat this while it's still hot.
Hey, I'm sorry, kids.
I was only here to bless the Peach Statue, and [LAUGHS BOISTEROUSLY.]
I get it! 'Cause food goes on plates! [LAUGHS.]
I gotta go.
Got a lot of Dragon Master responsibilities to get toWait! Master Po, no! Wait, we don't need your autograph.
We need your help.
You know what? Okay.
Should I sign something for you? You know what, just send me a postcard.
Quick! Look over there! [CLAMORING.]
Dried salty plums.
[PO GRUNTS.]
Master Oogway? But you're Wait a minute.
Is this the Spirit Realm? Am I dead? Again! Aw, jeez, I didn't even hit my head that hard! So unfair! You are not dead, Po.
I'm not? I brought you here because I needed to speak to you.
The universe has chosen you to teach these children.
I seriously doubt that.
You haven't seen these kids.
They're hopeless.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sound like anyone we know? Hmm? You mean, me? Oh, no.
No, this is different.
They're just so undisciplined.
I mean They don't know the first thing about Kung Fu.
Have you forgotten how hopeless and undisciplined and devoid of any knowledge or talent you were when we found you? Yeah, but I had you and Shifu teaching me.
I'm nowhere near as great as you guys are.
Exactly.
You are something so much better.
You are as great as you.
Whether you like it or not, teaching these children seems to be your destiny.
Without your guidance and experience, those children are doomed.
Wait.
What? Master Oogway? Master? Ready? This better be good.
I was having a really fun nightmare.
Yeah! Why are we out here in the middle of the night? This is our last chance to convince Master Po to teach us Kung Fu before he leaves tomorrow.
[ALL GASP.]
[ALL WHIMPER.]
NU HAI: Yo, snaggletooth! Soon as these goons let me go, I'm gonna pop you right in the mouth.
Little girl, simply open the cave, and you may go.
Even if I knew how to, I wouldn't.
You wanna know why [NERVOUSLY.]
Wow.
That's a heck of a weapon.
We'd prefer not to hurt you.
But we will.
We really don't know how to open it! [PO SCREAMING.]
Unhand those kids.
Right now.
And step away slowly [YELPS.]
Master Po, why didn't you just take the elevator? Oh.
Yeah.
I guess that would've been easier? Get him.
Master Po needs our help! There is no way that's true.
NU HAI: Yeaa! Ow.
Ow.
[LAUGHING.]
Come on, let's go! [SCREAMING.]
Huh? [SCREAMING IN ANGER.]
[SCREAMING IN FEAR.]
Oh, no! Oh, no! [GRUNTS.]
Hey! [GASPS.]
[NU HAI SCREAMS.]
[GASPS.]
Yeaa! [STRUGGLING.]
[FAN TONG GASPS.]
You kids need to get out of here! We're not leaving you! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
I'll be fine.
I'm the Dragon Ma [GRUNTS.]
JADE TUSK: Disappointing.
I expected so much more from the one claiming to be the Dragon Master.
Secure the panda.
He's coming with us.
NU HAI: Let him go! Dude! Aw, man! How come I'm the Turtle? [ALL LAUGHING.]
BAO: Yeah! Hey! So, I guess I need to teach you some Kung Fu.
ALL: Yeah! Woo-hoo! [THEME MUSIC PLAYING.]