Lab Rats (2012) s01e01 Episode Script

Welcome to your new home, Mrs.
Davenport! Why, thank you, Mr.
Davenport.
Absolutely, Mrs.
Davenport.
We get it You guys are married.
It's getting old.
Wow! You got this big house just from inventing things? Mm-hmm.
Way to go, mom.
That's a husband.
What the heck is that? Oh, uh That is my latest creation.
Davenport industries' first completely interactive 3-d TV.
( Beeping, humming ) ( Organ plays "charge!" ) ( Crack of bat hitting ball, "crowd" cheering ) Watch the vase, termite! Mom, I think the little voice inside my head is back.
No, this is Eddy.
He's my smart home system.
Eddy, this is my new stepson, Leo.
Remember, I told you Leo and Tasha are moving in today? Hey, welcome.
Everything here is mine.
Uh, Leo, why don't you go check out your new bedroom? Just go straight down that hallway, and when you see the room with the video games and the action figures and the 50-foot-screen TV, keep walking That's mine.
This place is huge! I'm gonna need a GPS just to find the bathroom.
( Whooshing ) ( Electronic beeping, humming ) Hello? ( Leo screaming ) ( Bell dings ) Whoa! My new dad is Batman! ( Beeping ) Good luck getting in! That steel door is thicker than your head! ( Loud clank ) Well, there's another way to get in.
Give me back my ePod! Taylor swift mega-mix Really? I find her soothing.
( Zapping ) Oh, I know you didn't shoot that laser at me.
Oh, sorry.
It was a terrible mistake Just like your face.
Aaaaah! Aaaaah aaaaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! ( All screaming ) ( Leo squealing ) Narrator: The world's first bionic superhumans.
They're stronger than us, faster, smarter The next generation of the human race is Living in my basement? all: Aaaahhh! Okay, I don't play this card too often, but Mom!!! Leo! Leo! There you are! Oh! ( Laughing ) What is this place? Who are they? Uh They, uh, are A boy band I've been working with, um, and the twist is, one of 'em's a girl.
All right, they're part of a secret project I've been developing Genetically engineered superhuman siblings.
Tasha, Leo, meet Adam, Bree and Chase The greatest combination of biology and technology ever developed.
I don't want to brag, but I am incredibly smart.
Don't look at me I told you to stay away from Internet dating.
- So they're robots.
- Whoa! - Hey! - Oh, no, she didn't! No, Tasha, they're human, I've just given each of them a unique set of bionic abilities controlled by a microchip implant in their necks.
It sounds a lot more complicated than it is.
See, Adam is all brute strength, and Bree has speed and agility, and Chase has super-senses and a superior intelligence.
( Laughing ) Donald Hi There are children Living in our basement! This is a scientific habitat.
I mean, look at it It's got a game room and a rock wall Anything a kid could ask for.
I've created this place so they can train in the utmost of comfort and technology.
It's true.
The toilets have seat-warmers that talk.
What do they say? It varies, depending on No.
Donald, I don't know what to make of all this.
Some new wives get surprised with a honeymoon in Hawaii or a cruise.
Bionic teenagers were on our wedding registry.
Honey, they have to stay down here for their own safety.
This is all very top-secret.
But as soon as their training is complete, they'll be able to handle any crisis or problem that the world throws at them.
I want to go to the pyramids.
I want to go to Paris.
I want to go upstairs.
Hey, what are those? Time machines? No, they're not time machines.
The time machines are actually in the shop.
These are my biologically regulated atmospheric chambers where my bionic creations live and sleep and eat.
- Which reminds me, it's dinnertime.
- Yeah! ( Beeping ) Ready? ( Buzzer ) These are my patented protein pellets.
Whatever they don't catch is tomorrow's breakfast.
Okay, Chase.
Enemy grenade, three o'clock! Hey! Why does he get a force field, and I don't? 'Cause if you had one, I wouldn't be able to do this.
Okay, you guys take the rest of the day off.
I'm gonna go speak at a tech conference because I'm awesome I'm gonna have the speedboats detailed, and then I'm gonna go get waxed.
Don't judge me.
Well, I better get ready for school.
Ooh! I have always dreamed about going to school.
Passing notes, going to prom, breaking into choreographed dance numbers after math class.
Yeah.
All we do is eat, sleep, and train for missions.
We're like human lab rats.
Come on, it can't be that bad.
( Squeaking ) So, you've never left this room? That explains the haircuts.
I bet school's fun.
You know, except for books, classes, and learning stuff.
It's not fun when you're "the smart kid.
" Well, down here, smart is considered superior.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Hey, you guys should come to school with me! - You could be my bionic bodyguards! - Okay! - I'm in! - Let's go! Eddy: Not on my watch, laser brains! Aw, shoot.
We forgot about Davenport's creepy computer.
I thought it was just in the living room! Nope! I'm everywhere.
In my shower?! Yep.
And by the way, nothing needs to be that clean, sport-o.
Okay, we need to shut that thing off.
Never gonna happen, okay? Eddy is an incredibly complex and sophisticated piece of machinery.
It would take years before Ohhh- Aha! Sweet! I barely got electrocuted! Okay, come on.
If we're gonna go to school, we should shower first, because two of us really stink.
( Both sniffing ) Ohh.
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah! ( Dryer humming ) Oh, great.
You gave me your underwear by mistake.
Gross! What are you complaining about? I got the bra.
Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Ooh! ( Giggling ) I can't believe we're actually at school.
I am so excited! Oh, my first lunch lady.
She smelled like fish sticks.
Do me a favor and try to act like you've seen the world.
I have a reputation to uphold here.
Ahhh! Good to see you too, Steve! Hi! I'm Bree! I like ponies and girl things.
Did you see that? I have besties.
I can't wait to stab them in the back! Here, little lady, let me help you out with that.
Adam! Would you two quit goofing off? We're supposed to not draw attention to ourselves.
( Bell rings ) Aaaah! Aaah! Aaah! ( Screaming ) What's up with crazy? He has ultra-sensitive bionic hearing.
What was that? It's called a bell.
It rings every 40 minutes, eight times a day.
So have fun with that.
I hate gym class.
Why? Aaah! That's why.
So big deal You can't play basketball.
Chess club's where all the action's at.
What do I do? Throw it.
To someone who's looking.
Wow! You caught that with your face.
Just once I'd like to show these fools up and go all NBA in their faces.
- Then why don't you? - Look at me! There's more meat on a dog bone! Yeah, but now you have us to help you.
Huh? Wait what? No!!! These are my good drawers! Aaaaahhh!!! Aaaah! - Ooh.
- Ooh.
( Cheering ) Yeah, I got mad skills! Yeah! Hey, honey.
Oh, okay.
So we have kids living in the basement, and we walk on the furniture Got it.
The alarm in lab went off, Eddy's been disabled, and the kids are gone.
Those animals yanked my wires! And one of 'em manhandled my motherboard! Where are the kids?! Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you talking to me, or the wife you replaced me with?! You know, I might like a new pair of shoes, too! - Eddy! - Fine! They went to school with(Sneers) Leo.
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They can't go to school - Not with their glitches! - What glitches? Because they're human, their emotions can trigger their bionics.
If one of 'em gets a little nervous or upset - or even a little bit too happy - Uh-huh? They could take out everything from here to Tijuana.
What?! You did not mention this on your profile.
Come on! Announcement: Attention, students! The pep rally is starting.
Go, dingoes! Pep cheer: let's get fired up here ya go, baby.
You guys rock! Ever since gym class, everyone wants to be my friend.
And there's been a certain gentleness to my wedgies.
It's the least we could do.
You gave us our first taste of freedom.
Yeah, and our first taste of Salisbury steak.
Uh, yum.
- Where were you? - Computer lab, taking med school courses.
Guess who just became a chiropractor in the Philippines? Aw, look.
The doggy likes me.
Okay, doggy, that's enough.
Hey, I said that's enough! Hey, I'm Kavin.
Aren't you the girl that tried to make me eat a basketball in gym class? Oh! You remembered! I'm warning you, dog, you're messing' with the wrong guy! So, there's this party tonight.
You wanna go? A party? I've never been to one.
I mean, yes, I have! My whole life's a party! You're invited.
Wanna dance? - No! It's my Salisbury steak! - Grr! Grr! Why are Adam's eyes turning red? Heh heh heh Heh heh heh Oh, no! His heat vision! His what? It's a glitch.
Whenever he gets too upset his heat vision acts up! Cheerleaders: we're dingoes, we're here, there's nothing watch out! ( Screaming ) I got her! I got her! ( Thud ) Oh.
Oops.
Overshot it.
But don't worry, I know a chiropractor in the Philippines.
( Groaning ) I hope we're not too late.
Do you smell smoke? We're too late.
( Fire alarm ) People.
People.
Statistics show that if we don't panic, at least 70% of us will make it out alive.
( All screaming ) ( Screaming continues ) Oh, no! They killed Dewey dingo! Heh heh heh heh So how was school?! Get in the helicopter! Do you realize what you've done? I had to write a check to that school for 30 grand to make this go away.
For 30 grand, i'll go away.
We're sorry.
We just wanted to be normal for a day.
Oh, come on, Donald, they're just kids.
When I was their age, me and Fiona Micklejohn, we snuck and we crashed You know what? I'm not helping.
Look, I designed you guys to go on highly classified missions, not try out for the cheerleading squad.
Oh well, there goes that dream.
Look, I know you're mad, big D, but these guys performed the impossible today They made me popular.
I got game! And I cured male pattern baldness with a biology rat.
Ooh! And I got invited to my first party! By a boy! How exciting! We gotta get you clothes and shoes, and we'll do Again, not helping.
That's it.
Leo, you are banned from the lab.
And you three are to have no contact with the outside world.
No talking, no texting, no nothing.
Ooh! What about the last art of pantomime? Go to your tubes! So, do all fuzzy animals have girls inside them, or just the dingoes? If Mr.
Davenport's such a great scientist, then how come I'm not a little stronger and you're not a lot smarter? I don't know But does this hurt? Ohh! Now I'm never gonna have a boyfriend.
Guess I'll just keep fake-kissing that wall.
Oh, we've all done it! Leo, what are you doing? You're not allowed to be down here! I know.
But you know that party everyone at school's been talking about? It's in your living room!!! do the Leo! Do the Leo! Do the Leo! Do the Leo! Now just the sexy people! Whoo! Yeah! Leo, I can't believe you did this! Yeah.
I owed you guys, and since you couldn't go, I brought the party here.
Cheese curl? What about your mom and Davenport? They're at dinner.
They'll be gone for hours.
( Beeping ) Jimmy, get your head out of here.
It's a microwave.
Kavin! Is that thing throbbing? Yeah! And if it's not better by monday, they're gonna drain it.
Careful there, buddy.
That piece of cake has approximately 47 grams of sugar.
If you eat it, you'll be bouncing off the walls for hours.
How do you know that? 'Cause I just had Whoo-hoo! Raahhhh! Oo-hoo-hoo! ( Shouting continues ) Whoo-hoo! What the ( Horn honking ) Hey, you're back! How did these people get here?! You are in big trouble, mister.
Hey, everybody! Thanks for coming.
Get out!!! ( Door closes ) You kids have really done it this time.
And who gave Eddy cake?! I just wanted them to have one more night of fun before you put them back in their display cases.
Biologically regulated atmospheric chambers.
Look, the fun's over.
As of tomorrow, you're all being relocated permanently.
- What? - What? What part of "no contact with the outside world" did you not understand? Where are we going? To one of my remote research facilities where you can complete your training.
But this is home.
This is where I get my meaty-flavored pellets.
Not anymore.
Now go downstairs and pack your stuff.
This isn't fair.
They're my best friends.
Donald, when are you going to realize that they're not just science projects? They're teenagers.
Any chance we can ship her off, too? No! Okay, just checking.
I can't believe this is our last night in the lab.
I think Leo's is really gonna miss us.
Yeah, me too.
Think we should wake him up? No, let him sleep.
But he's drooling on my socks.