Liv and Maddie (2013) s01e01 Episode Script

No, dad, no.
Okay.
It needs to go up.
More.
More.
Up more.
Down a tiny bit.
Perfect.
Twin sister officially welcomed.
Bam! What?! Okay mom? Mm? Snack update.
Where's Liv's favorite dip? Oh, you mean this dip? You two are eating the dip?! This is Wisconsin.
You can't welcome people home without dip! You two are officially banned from the "welcome home" zone! Maddie, honey, if you're freaking out because your sister Liv is coming home, then Then we should talk.
Mom she's my twin.
My built-in best friend.
I'm not freaking out.
Of course I'm freaking out! Starting tomorrow, I'm going to school with my celebrity sis.
And we have the same face, yet she's "the cute one.
" Hey.
Hey, guys.
There's a bunch of people with cameras on our lawn.
Ohh! Oh! I'll miss you, paparazzi.
When I walk through this door, I will be just another regular I just finished the final season of my smash-tastic tv show "sing it loud" oh it was one of those super-realistic shows where kids suddenly break into song for no reason.
And I loved Hollywood, and I was offered, like, a quizzillion other shows and movies.
But I missed my family, and it was time to come home.
Aah! You stole my face! I had it first.
Ohh! Take notes.
That's what it looks like when a girl is happy to see you.
Thanks, Parker.
And this is what it looks like inside my armpit.
Ohh! Ohh! I was so worried you guys had grown up when I was away.
Yeah, there's no chance of that happening.
Uh, the people who gave you life are still waiting for their hug.
Sorry about the camera-palooza.
They're just here for my homecoming.
Oh, who cares? All my babies are under one roof.
Pull it in.
Tighter.
Family photo time.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, let me see if I can do this.
Let me just do this.
Okay.
Okay.
That's the best angle.
Pick your face up okay No, no, my good side.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm learning.
I'm learning.
Mom, if you could get my good side.
Okay.
Hold on.
Let me wait.
O-okay.
Mom.
Mom, mom, mom.
Mom okay.
Okay I got this.
Okay, people, say "dazzleberry!" Dazzleberry! Better in stereo b-b-better in stereo Okay, returning fashionista, which glasses should I go with Green purple? Mm mm mm.
If I were you, I'd go with contacts and a little bit of mascara.
How great is this? Liv and Maddie, back in the same room together? Oh, I got you a little welcome-home gift.
Ta-da! O m wowza! Take a diva moment.
Oh, yeah yeah wow we heard a noise.
Everything okay? Liv and Maddie are best friends, but being a twin can get intense.
In sixth grade, there was an incident with a curling iron.
In my defense, who sneaks up behind someone and tries to curl their hair? I have a huge scar.
It's right here.
Okay, well, it's here somewhere.
I'm gonna find it.
It's horrible.
I am so glad you're home.
There is something I have been dying to talk to you about.
This is about a boy! How do you know that? When you get nervous, you still play with that charm bracelet that I gave you.
Anyway, back to the boy.
Is he cute? Are you nosey and sparkly? Then he is cute! Okay spill.
Okay, well, his name is diggie Mm-hmm.
And he's the Captain of the basketball team.
And you know that competitive thing I get where I grind my opponents into submission? He has it, too.
Wow! Blush much? Someone has a serious case of the diggies! I do.
This is so great to talk about.
Ha ha! I'm actually kinda hoping he asks me to the dance this weekend.
And he hasn't exactly Oh! Speaking of dance.
I have the series finale of "sing it loud" do you want a sneak peek? I've tried to cut these corners tried to take the easy way I kept on falling short of something I could have gave up then but then again, I couldn't have 'cause I traveled all this way for something I take it in but don't look down 'cause I'm on top of the world, 'ay I'm on the top of the world, 'ay uh, Liv, this is great, but We were talking about diggie, so Oh, absolutely.
But in my defense, you haven't even seen the best part! 'Cause I'm on the top of the world and I know it's hard when you're falling down and it's a long way up when you hit the ground get up now, get up get up now I'm on top of the world and I know it's hard when you're falling down and it's a long way up when you hit the ground get up now, get up, get up now 'cause I'm on top of the world what did you think? I think you cut me off when I was talking about something really important to me.
Liv, you're the first person I've even mentioned diggie to.
Well, Maddie, you're the first person I've shown this to.
Except for everybody on the plane.
They all thought it was amazing.
You know what I think is amazing? I actually thought we were gonna talk about me for once.
Oh we We weren't we weren't listening.
Neither was she.
Oh, you know what? I'm just gonna hold on to this curling iron for the next few years.
Parker, what are you doing in the garage? Do mom and dad know you're awake? I doubt it.
They're too focused on Liv and Maddie to notice anything we're doing.
I spent all afternoon on the roof with a homemade catapult blasting joggers with buckets of mashed potatoes.
Ha! You know what? You're right.
They didn't say a word when I made beans and didn't clean the pot.
Okay, yeah, the two of us are using our freedom a little differently.
Okay, wait.
If we can get away with anything We should team up for something big.
You mean take the car and drive to Vegas?! Okay, smaller.
Let's put this tv in our room.
But mom and dad said that we can't have a tv in our room.
Mom and dad who? What if our room wasn't Our room? What if it was our Bro cave? Ah! Bro cave! I love it! What's a bro cave? Forget this crummy garage.
In our bro cave, we would have everything we want, and we'd never have to leave our room.
Uh, tv, food, a hot tub with a high dive.
That invisible zebra you're always talking to.
I was 4! Let it go! Bro, no parents, no twins.
Just you and me blasting mutant videogame bunnies in our underwear! Close your eyes And let me take you there.
Never gets old.
Is it just me, or is Liv moving home gonna be harder than we thought? It's not gonna be easy, but we'll make it work.
We just have to have eyes in the back of our heads.
Mmm.
Sure, there's four of them and we're outnumbered, but we are smarter than they are.
Mm, oh, yeah.
Unlike the Johnsons next door.
I'm pretty sure it was their jerk kid Ernie who hit me with a glob of mashed potatoes earlier.
Oh.
Oh! Boom.
Boom.
Boom! Send! You guys are so sweet.
Thank you so much.
I so wasn't expecting that.
Okay, mom and dad.
Initiate turtle mode! Dad coaches my basketball team, and mom's the school psychologist.
And of course Liv knew this when she was living in Hollywood.
But knowing it and feeling the shame of them walking past you in the hall are two completely different things.
Think we've embarrassed them enough? Not quite.
Hi.
Maddie.
I'm sorry about last night.
I really wasn't trying to get you all grumpelstiltskin.
That's okay.
You were just excited to show me your video.
Well, I'm glad we're okay.
Did you want to see it again? No.
What's up, Rooney? 'Sup, diggie? Oh.
So this is diggie.
Live and in person for your viewing pleasure! Oh, I I want to be a sports announcer after I play pro ball, so I'm just practicing.
With authority.
Fun.
How would you introduce me? If you're seeing double, do not adjust your screens.
It's the incomparable, the unstoppable, if she were popcorn, she'd poppable Liv Rooney! Um, approved.
So, Rooney classic, what are you doing later? Um Stuff.
Okay.
Ha.
Got it.
Well Peace out, rooneys.
"'Sup"? "Stuff"? That's how you flirt? Liv, flirting's a game, okay? If diggie knows I like him, I lose the advantage.
And if I lose the advantage, I lose.
And I don't lose! Bam! What?! Okay, stop with all the sports nonsense and listen to me.
If you want diggie to ask you to that dance, you need major help.
No.
I do not need your help getting diggie, okay? Do you hear me? Do not help.
Seriously, have you ever heard such a clear cry for help? And the easiest way for me to help Maddie Was to become Maddie.
Whoa! 'Sup, Joey? It's me Maddie.
It's not really Maddie.
It's Liv! Liv, what are you doing? Maddie and I got off on the wrong foot, so I'm gonna fix it in the way that only an actress like me can I'm gonna land her a date to the dance.
I wish I had a twin that would help me land a date to the dance.
I would call him Michael.
'Sup, diggie? 'Sup, Rooney? Stuff.
So, what do you say? You, me, dance, this weekend? Bam! What?! Oh, wow, this is kind of awkward.
Um I just don't feel that way about you.
So sorry.
Michael would have nailed that.
Hey! There is some major twin drama about to go down, and it is the perfect opportunity to complete the bro cave! Think big.
Shock me! Maybe we should Take a car and drive to Vegas! We are not driving to Vegas! Fine! Well, I do get a little thirsty eating all that popcorn.
Now that little rat brain of yours is clicking.
The bro cave was complete But it's a little trickier dragging a 200-pound fridge up the stairs than you might think.
Here's a tip.
Take the milk out of the fridge before you start moving it.
And the eggs.
Hey, fellas, I need to talk to you.
It has been an honor, soldier.
You guys holding up okay? I know your mother and I have been a littledistracted with Liv and Maddie.
Everything all right? Yeah.
You take care of those two troublemakers.
Don't give us another thought.
All right.
You're the best.
Now let go of my hand, you munch.
Mom! I seriously need to talk to you about a major family situation.
I have been waiting for this! Family meeting! Family meeting! I created family meetings to give everyone a forum to share their feelings.
Which gets crazy boring.
So I added a shot clock.
Ten seconds to say what needs to be said, then Ooh! Liv has something she wants to talk about.
So go ahead, honey.
We're listening.
Um You know, I was really just gonna have a private chat with mom, but seeing as we're all here, let me just say It is snaptastic to be home with the fam.
Missed you guys so much.
So very, very, very, very, very Much.
Wait, honey, that's what you wanted to talk about? Well, it's sweet and all, but it is a gross misuse of the family meeting.
Yeah.
No, I know.
I thought you were gonna tell Maddie That you talked to diggie About the dance Liv, what is he talking about? Maddie, I Pretend to be you and I asked diggie to the dance and he said he doesn't like you in that way.
Feels so good to get it off my chest.
Who's next? You did what? It's all right, Maddie.
Everyone will get their turn.
Yeah, and I'm up.
What I want to know is why I can't poop with the door open? Everyone in the house had changed my diaper! What are we running from, people? You pretended to be me?! Maddie, I promise I was just trying to help you.
No, Liv, you were not trying to help me.
I told you to leave diggie alone.
But the great Liv Rooney just had to step in and try and fix my life! Well, guess what? My life doesn't need fixing! Ooh, it was so much easier being your sister when you were 2,000 miles away.
I wish you never came home! Maddie! Fine, I'll go back! Liv! Good! Go! Ugh! Ugh! Liv Hollywood meant all eyes back on us.
And that means we'd have to dismantle the bro cave.
I'm gonna miss it! Liv, honey, I'm coming upstairs.
We need to talk.
Everything okay, Joey? Never better, baby.
Honey it's mom.
Mom, you're not changing my mind.
Are you sure that moving back to Hollywood is the best idea? I lived with aunt dina for four years, and it was better for everyone.
Honey, I understand that.
But let's let's dialogue it out, and we'll all make a decision together.
Oh, we weren't gonna make this decision together.
She's 15.
We're her parents.
She wasn't going anywhere, but I wanted her to feel heard.
If she tried to leave this house, I was literally going to sit on her.
Ooh! This girl is en fuego! Hey.
Hey.
I need to talk to you.
I want you to know why I said no about the dance.
Well This couldn't get any more awkward.
Out of our way! We have got a bro cave to dismantle! What do you know? Got more awkward.
I said no because I knew it was Liv.
What? Yeah.
She, um, didn't do that cute thing you do with your charm bracelet when you're nervous.
Oh I'm an athlete.
I don't get nervous.
Mm-hmm.
I know you, Maddie.
Your sister has the same face, but I know you.
Eep! So Rooney You want to go to that dance? Yes.
Just to be clear, though Hmm.
I won this, right? No.
I win because I get to take you to the dance.
Oh That's what losers say! Bam! What?! Liv, if you're leaving, you should probably take this with you.
Wow.
Remember when you two made that? "Sisters by chance, friends by choice"? It's so corny.
Liv, honey, twins are special.
Since the day you were born, it's never been just Liv and it's never been just Maddie.
It's always been "liv and Maddie.
" You'll always be sisters, honey.
But it's hard to be best friends if you're 2,000 miles away.
What, you think I'm just gonna fall to pieces over a second grade art project? Maddie All right, come on, Parker.
We have got a fridge to move.
Go! Go! Go! You know, in a weird way, we kinda have Liv to thank for this.
Yeah, you're right.
Hmm.
Liv.
Um, I have to stop her.
By the way I'm not wearing a dress to that dance.
Where's Liv? She just left.
No! She went out back to look for you.
Could have been a little clearer when I asked you the first time.
Where's Maddie? Uh, inside.
Maddie! Liv! I have to talk to you.
I have to talk to you.
Okay, yeah.
You first.
I have to catch my breath.
I don't usually do my own stunts.
Liv, what I said was mean.
I'm totally psyched you came home from Hollywood.
I'm sorry.
No, you were right.
I shouldn't have tried to fix your life.
I'm sorry.
Diggie asked me to the dance.
Get this.
He only said no because he knew it was you.
Knew it was me? Please, no.
I do Maddie better than Maddie does, okay? Bam! Who?! Wait.
Is it "bam! What?" Oh, no way! I remember when we made this.
"Sisters by chance, friends by choice.
" So corny.
So corny.
Liv, please don't leave.
You couldn't drag me away.
Oh, I am gonna lose it.
Hold it together.
Hold it together.
Vegas? Vegas! Parker, if you're not gonna close the door, at least don't make eye contact! It's only weird if you make it weird! Ooh, ooh! You starting lineup for tonight's dance Diggie and Maddie! That's cute.
Good evening Have her home by 11:00.
Okay.
Whoa! I-I think I swallowed my gum.
Am I a miracle worker? A little bit.
Photo time, so come come on down.
Um I can't do this.
You heard the girl.
She changed her mind.
Beat it.
Oh.
That's better.
Um, Maddie, this is a dance.
You can't Uh! I put a dress on.
Do not push it.
Wait.
Photo time.
Say "dazzleberry.
" Dazzleberry!