Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) s01e01 Episode Script
DDT
1 [tapping.]
[scrapes.]
Hey, you think this thing's gonna work? Yeah, man, it worked on "family matters.
" Steve Urkel walked in a nerd and came out as Stefan Urquelle.
- Yeah, Stefan was dope.
- A'ight, let's do this.
[phone ringing.]
Steve Urkel was a liar.
Lucas brothers moving company.
Kenny and Keef speaking.
Oh wait, I thought I was Kenny.
- This is Keef.
- And this is Kenny.
Oh, we can't do that.
We got another move today.
- Damn, that's you? - We'll be there in no time.
[engine starts.]
[doorbell rings.]
Look who it is, it's us.
- We're here to help you move.
- [girl slurring.]
Come on in, fellas.
Sorry for the mess.
I had a crazy moving-out party last night.
So this is my favorite room in the house the bedroom.
This is really where it goes down.
Here's a fun fact about my bed: there's a guy in it.
Oh, and here's another interesting thing about my bed, - it's made of oak wood.
- Oh snap, oak wood? Oak wood's too heavy to move by ourselves.
But we promise we're gonna move all this crap.
Even if it takes us the rest of our lives.
Yeah, we'll be we'll probably we're gonna have to take some time on this.
Yeah, uh we'll be right back.
[door closes.]
[thuds.]
[engine starts.]
- We're done.
- We're finished.
- It's a wrap.
- We're screwed.
Put a fork in it, the Lucas brothers moving company is done.
[clicks.]
The sun has set.
We're out of the moving game, son, all because of oak wood.
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
And we're back with the WWFEWCW Monday morning mania.
Holy smokes! Dave just hit Jeff with an oak-wood bed? Hoo-daddy.
Ouchie ouchie.
You see how easy it was for him to pick up that oak-wood bed? Man, I wish we were professional wrestlers.
Wait, lightbulb! I figured it out.
Instead of becoming professional wrestlers, - we'll hire one to help us move.
- That is so much easier.
[beeps, chimes.]
"Looking for a badass professional wrestler who enjoys moving oak-wood beds for little to no money come to think about it, no money.
" "And there's gonna be a dude on the bed.
" "So you gonna have to move the dude first.
So if you're interested in doing this strictly for the love" "please contact the Lucas bros.
Seriously we're not gonna pay you.
" "P.
S.
, if you know how to fix a transformation chamber, that would be dope.
" [clicks, whooshes.]
And now all we gotta do is smoke pot and wait.
And by "wait," I mean smoke pot and wait.
[exhales.]
[doorbell rings.]
[dramatic music plays.]
Well well, the Lucas brothers, Keef and Kenny.
Oh snap, it's this dude.
- It's Jake "the Snake" Roberts.
- I thought you was dead.
Here we are at your apartment, and it's the biggest move of your career.
Why!? Because everything you stand for is on the line.
Namely moving an oak-wood bed.
So I only have one question for you: Do I have the job? I need the money.
I just want to reiterate that this is a non-paying gig.
Not so fast, Jake the Snake! Oh snap, it's it's this dude.
Repossession man? What are you doing here? I saw your ad on creggslist and I'm here for the job.
- I really need the money.
- But I was here first.
I know y'all keep saying you're gonna get money, but there is no money.
Look, we all know that there's only one fair way to settle this: a wrestle off.
[dings.]
Ladies and gentlemen, live from Greenpoint, we have the battle of the century.
Fighting for the honor of moving an oak-wood bed for a drunk bitch, we got Jake "the Snake" Roberts versus the Repossession man! Wrestlers, wrestle off.
- Ha ha ha! - Ahhh! [moaning.]
- Oh! - Oh snap! [grunts.]
One, two, three! Ha ha ha! [sighs.]
[bell rings.]
Yeah, I got the job and now I'm a Lucas brother! No more student loans! He has to understand that we're broke by now, right? I think we said it enough.
I said it like three times.
[laughs.]
[grunting.]
Keef: Oh snap, here comes the D.
D.
T.
! [evil laughter.]
What does D.
D.
T.
stand for again? D.
D.
T.
stands for demonic dinner time.
Or diner time.
Demonic diner time.
[laughs.]
Wait, no no, it's dinner.
Wrong.
[yelps.]
D.
D.
T.
stands for dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane.
[grunts.]
[bell rings.]
[coughing.]
That was the dopest match ever.
Great news, Jake the Snake, you got the job.
Hey, Jake, why aren't you responding to some good news, Jake? - Jake? - Oh hey, there's Jake.
Now that I've released a giant toxic cloud of D.
D.
T.
, no one can stop me from becoming the king of Brooklyn! [laughs.]
[coughing.]
Oh man, we needed that van to help move the oak-wood bed.
I guess we gotta reverse the D.
D.
T.
[distant sirens blaring.]
In this day and age, how could anyone possibly reverse the D.
D.
T.
? [distant explosions.]
With a - With - With a reverse D.
D.
T.
! And what wrestler is best known for perfecting the move - known as the reverse D.
D.
T.
? - Stinger! [beeps, chimes.]
"Looking for the professional wrestler Stinger to reverse the effects of the D.
D.
T.
cloud covering Brooklyn by using the reverse D.
D.
T.
" "This is an unpaid internship, which means you won't get paid.
" "But if you're interested in doing it for the love, please contact the Lucas bros.
" "P.
S.
If you don't help us, we will never get our van back.
" [clicks, whooshes.]
And now for our favorite part - Waiting.
- [chimes.]
You've got email.
Stinger's voice: "Dear Lucas brothers, I've retired from wrestling.
You'll need to find another hero to get your van back.
" Damn.
I guess we gotta give up, Kenny.
- God, I love giving up.
- [chimes.]
Wait, Keef.
I just used stinger's I.
P.
address To triangulate his coordinates and track down his exact location.
And he's emailing us from - oh, he in the basement.
- That's impossible, dude.
This building doesn't have a basement.
[dings.]
I mean know it has a "B" on the [clanging.]
Ohhhh! [water dripping.]
[creatures pattering.]
- Kenny, are you creeped out? - Yeah, man, I'm scared.
[wings flapping.]
- Dinner's ready! - Yo, can we get some dinner too? - It smells real good.
- The Lucas brothers? I already told you, I'm not interested in helping you get your van back! Yeah, dude.
But if you don't help us, everybody's doomed, including your children, and your children's children.
[gasps.]
[dishes shatter.]
I'll do this, but only for my children's children's children! This is for all the little Stingers! [howls.]
[roaring.]
[creaking.]
[snake hissing.]
Well well well.
If it isn't my almost former employers, the Lucas brothers.
Say hello to Jay-Z.
He's my bitch.
- So what do you want? - We're here to reverse the D.
D.
T.
Ha! You can't reverse the D.
D.
T.
[dramatic music plays.]
But I can.
My arch nemesis, the old Stinger.
Hmph! Hell, I thought you were a family man now? Oh, I am a family man.
And as much as it pains me, I have no choice because you're so evil and you're so despicable that your antics require that I come back into this very squared circle and reverse the D.
D.
T.
- Once and for all! - Perfect.
[whistles.]
Oh, D.
D.
T.
! [rumbles.]
[gas hissing.]
[roaring.]
[bell dings.]
Ahh.
[screams.]
Ohh, cheap shot! [yelping.]
Ouch.
[rattles.]
[laughs.]
[grunting.]
Oh no.
Lucas brothers, do something.
Tag in! We can't beat a D.
D.
T.
cloud that's assumed the form - of an above-average wrestler.
- Yeah, we couldn't even move - An oak-wood bed with a dude on it.
- Yeah, we're too weak.
All you have to do is believe in yourselves! Oh really? That's all we have to do? - Believe in ourselves? - Hey, yo, dude, tag us in.
[moans.]
Yo, how do you do the reverse D.
D.
T.
again? [laughs.]
You stinkin' jabronies.
- You ready, Keef? - I'm ready, Kenny.
- Oh boy! - Hey, look at us - believing in ourselves.
- What the [cheering.]
[chirping.]
Yo, we just did it.
Hey, guys, here's the keys to your van.
I'm really sorry about all this.
It's cool, we forgive you, Jake the Snake.
- We love you.
- Now if you'd excuse us, we've gotta go move an oak-wood bed.
[grunting.]
See, we can do anything if we believe in ourselves.
Oh cool, this lady has a transformation chamber too.
- You think it works? - It will if we believe in ourselves.
[whirrs.]
[chuckles.]
Oh snap, Steve Urkel is a genius.
Heyo! Who's ready for a crazy moving-in party? [glass breaks.]
[dance music playing.]
Never be alone, together we can make it.
Oh snap! [laughing.]
[scrapes.]
Hey, you think this thing's gonna work? Yeah, man, it worked on "family matters.
" Steve Urkel walked in a nerd and came out as Stefan Urquelle.
- Yeah, Stefan was dope.
- A'ight, let's do this.
[phone ringing.]
Steve Urkel was a liar.
Lucas brothers moving company.
Kenny and Keef speaking.
Oh wait, I thought I was Kenny.
- This is Keef.
- And this is Kenny.
Oh, we can't do that.
We got another move today.
- Damn, that's you? - We'll be there in no time.
[engine starts.]
[doorbell rings.]
Look who it is, it's us.
- We're here to help you move.
- [girl slurring.]
Come on in, fellas.
Sorry for the mess.
I had a crazy moving-out party last night.
So this is my favorite room in the house the bedroom.
This is really where it goes down.
Here's a fun fact about my bed: there's a guy in it.
Oh, and here's another interesting thing about my bed, - it's made of oak wood.
- Oh snap, oak wood? Oak wood's too heavy to move by ourselves.
But we promise we're gonna move all this crap.
Even if it takes us the rest of our lives.
Yeah, we'll be we'll probably we're gonna have to take some time on this.
Yeah, uh we'll be right back.
[door closes.]
[thuds.]
[engine starts.]
- We're done.
- We're finished.
- It's a wrap.
- We're screwed.
Put a fork in it, the Lucas brothers moving company is done.
[clicks.]
The sun has set.
We're out of the moving game, son, all because of oak wood.
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
And we're back with the WWFEWCW Monday morning mania.
Holy smokes! Dave just hit Jeff with an oak-wood bed? Hoo-daddy.
Ouchie ouchie.
You see how easy it was for him to pick up that oak-wood bed? Man, I wish we were professional wrestlers.
Wait, lightbulb! I figured it out.
Instead of becoming professional wrestlers, - we'll hire one to help us move.
- That is so much easier.
[beeps, chimes.]
"Looking for a badass professional wrestler who enjoys moving oak-wood beds for little to no money come to think about it, no money.
" "And there's gonna be a dude on the bed.
" "So you gonna have to move the dude first.
So if you're interested in doing this strictly for the love" "please contact the Lucas bros.
Seriously we're not gonna pay you.
" "P.
S.
, if you know how to fix a transformation chamber, that would be dope.
" [clicks, whooshes.]
And now all we gotta do is smoke pot and wait.
And by "wait," I mean smoke pot and wait.
[exhales.]
[doorbell rings.]
[dramatic music plays.]
Well well, the Lucas brothers, Keef and Kenny.
Oh snap, it's this dude.
- It's Jake "the Snake" Roberts.
- I thought you was dead.
Here we are at your apartment, and it's the biggest move of your career.
Why!? Because everything you stand for is on the line.
Namely moving an oak-wood bed.
So I only have one question for you: Do I have the job? I need the money.
I just want to reiterate that this is a non-paying gig.
Not so fast, Jake the Snake! Oh snap, it's it's this dude.
Repossession man? What are you doing here? I saw your ad on creggslist and I'm here for the job.
- I really need the money.
- But I was here first.
I know y'all keep saying you're gonna get money, but there is no money.
Look, we all know that there's only one fair way to settle this: a wrestle off.
[dings.]
Ladies and gentlemen, live from Greenpoint, we have the battle of the century.
Fighting for the honor of moving an oak-wood bed for a drunk bitch, we got Jake "the Snake" Roberts versus the Repossession man! Wrestlers, wrestle off.
- Ha ha ha! - Ahhh! [moaning.]
- Oh! - Oh snap! [grunts.]
One, two, three! Ha ha ha! [sighs.]
[bell rings.]
Yeah, I got the job and now I'm a Lucas brother! No more student loans! He has to understand that we're broke by now, right? I think we said it enough.
I said it like three times.
[laughs.]
[grunting.]
Keef: Oh snap, here comes the D.
D.
T.
! [evil laughter.]
What does D.
D.
T.
stand for again? D.
D.
T.
stands for demonic dinner time.
Or diner time.
Demonic diner time.
[laughs.]
Wait, no no, it's dinner.
Wrong.
[yelps.]
D.
D.
T.
stands for dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane.
[grunts.]
[bell rings.]
[coughing.]
That was the dopest match ever.
Great news, Jake the Snake, you got the job.
Hey, Jake, why aren't you responding to some good news, Jake? - Jake? - Oh hey, there's Jake.
Now that I've released a giant toxic cloud of D.
D.
T.
, no one can stop me from becoming the king of Brooklyn! [laughs.]
[coughing.]
Oh man, we needed that van to help move the oak-wood bed.
I guess we gotta reverse the D.
D.
T.
[distant sirens blaring.]
In this day and age, how could anyone possibly reverse the D.
D.
T.
? [distant explosions.]
With a - With - With a reverse D.
D.
T.
! And what wrestler is best known for perfecting the move - known as the reverse D.
D.
T.
? - Stinger! [beeps, chimes.]
"Looking for the professional wrestler Stinger to reverse the effects of the D.
D.
T.
cloud covering Brooklyn by using the reverse D.
D.
T.
" "This is an unpaid internship, which means you won't get paid.
" "But if you're interested in doing it for the love, please contact the Lucas bros.
" "P.
S.
If you don't help us, we will never get our van back.
" [clicks, whooshes.]
And now for our favorite part - Waiting.
- [chimes.]
You've got email.
Stinger's voice: "Dear Lucas brothers, I've retired from wrestling.
You'll need to find another hero to get your van back.
" Damn.
I guess we gotta give up, Kenny.
- God, I love giving up.
- [chimes.]
Wait, Keef.
I just used stinger's I.
P.
address To triangulate his coordinates and track down his exact location.
And he's emailing us from - oh, he in the basement.
- That's impossible, dude.
This building doesn't have a basement.
[dings.]
I mean know it has a "B" on the [clanging.]
Ohhhh! [water dripping.]
[creatures pattering.]
- Kenny, are you creeped out? - Yeah, man, I'm scared.
[wings flapping.]
- Dinner's ready! - Yo, can we get some dinner too? - It smells real good.
- The Lucas brothers? I already told you, I'm not interested in helping you get your van back! Yeah, dude.
But if you don't help us, everybody's doomed, including your children, and your children's children.
[gasps.]
[dishes shatter.]
I'll do this, but only for my children's children's children! This is for all the little Stingers! [howls.]
[roaring.]
[creaking.]
[snake hissing.]
Well well well.
If it isn't my almost former employers, the Lucas brothers.
Say hello to Jay-Z.
He's my bitch.
- So what do you want? - We're here to reverse the D.
D.
T.
Ha! You can't reverse the D.
D.
T.
[dramatic music plays.]
But I can.
My arch nemesis, the old Stinger.
Hmph! Hell, I thought you were a family man now? Oh, I am a family man.
And as much as it pains me, I have no choice because you're so evil and you're so despicable that your antics require that I come back into this very squared circle and reverse the D.
D.
T.
- Once and for all! - Perfect.
[whistles.]
Oh, D.
D.
T.
! [rumbles.]
[gas hissing.]
[roaring.]
[bell dings.]
Ahh.
[screams.]
Ohh, cheap shot! [yelping.]
Ouch.
[rattles.]
[laughs.]
[grunting.]
Oh no.
Lucas brothers, do something.
Tag in! We can't beat a D.
D.
T.
cloud that's assumed the form - of an above-average wrestler.
- Yeah, we couldn't even move - An oak-wood bed with a dude on it.
- Yeah, we're too weak.
All you have to do is believe in yourselves! Oh really? That's all we have to do? - Believe in ourselves? - Hey, yo, dude, tag us in.
[moans.]
Yo, how do you do the reverse D.
D.
T.
again? [laughs.]
You stinkin' jabronies.
- You ready, Keef? - I'm ready, Kenny.
- Oh boy! - Hey, look at us - believing in ourselves.
- What the [cheering.]
[chirping.]
Yo, we just did it.
Hey, guys, here's the keys to your van.
I'm really sorry about all this.
It's cool, we forgive you, Jake the Snake.
- We love you.
- Now if you'd excuse us, we've gotta go move an oak-wood bed.
[grunting.]
See, we can do anything if we believe in ourselves.
Oh cool, this lady has a transformation chamber too.
- You think it works? - It will if we believe in ourselves.
[whirrs.]
[chuckles.]
Oh snap, Steve Urkel is a genius.
Heyo! Who's ready for a crazy moving-in party? [glass breaks.]
[dance music playing.]
Never be alone, together we can make it.
Oh snap! [laughing.]