Mad (2010) s01e01 Episode Script
Avaturds & CSiCarly
Hey, yabba, boy, yamma Mad! Mad! Welcome to Pandora.
This is a Na'vi avatar.
They are fierce, and they are savage.
Just don't tap on the glass, 'cause it freaks 'em out.
Now, the guy who was scheduled to take this avatar died from a cat allergy Ah So instead, we're goin' with his brother, Jake Smelly.
Is that the best the military can do? Well, we were gonna send the A-Team, but they wouldn't fit in the pod.
Ooh, I pity the pod.
Uhh.
Better send Smelly.
Man your pod, Smelly, and good luck.
Wow.
I look just like the Na'vi.
Dr.
Grace, how'd you duplicate them so perfect What? It took a few tries to get it right, ok? Luckily everything on this planet is Blue! Run, Jake! Uhh.
I think I just crapped in my shell.
Obviously you're more of a cat person.
I am Neytiri of the Na'vi.
We are a peaceful clan who are at one with nature.
Clearly.
These are my people.
We live under the tree of souls with our clan leader, our spiritual leader Ahh.
And our music leader.
Everyone's a critic.
Why did you bring me back? To remind you.
Your mission is help us obtain this precious mineral known as stupidnamium.
Stupidnamium? What moron came up with that? In order to fly, you must join with the banshee that chooses you.
How will I know which one chooses me? It will try and kill you.
I got him when he wasn't lookin'.
That's not exactly what I meant, but the job is done.
Your initiation is finished.
Is that ceremonial paint? No.
It's banshee poo.
It's all over the place, and we don't know what to do with it.
I I must confess something, Neytiri.
This body is just my avatar.
Where is your real body? Safely protected in the transpod.
Everyone, listen.
I know I've been here for 3 months and probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the sky people want to destroy your tree.
Guess I should have put that at the top of the list.
Step aside, Smelly.
You had your chance.
Is that your latest military robot, Quaritch? No.
It's the Bluetendo, actually.
Got it for my birthday.
Uhh! Hello, kitty.
You can hiss all you want, but I'm protected inside this robotic suit.
What? I said Oh.
I see what happened.
Jake.
I see you.
I see you.
No, get me to the ICU.
Oh.
Uh, of course.
You saved us, Jake Smelly, and as a thank you, we will make you our king.
Aah! This is one small step for Ah, man.
Houston, we have a poo-poo.
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The Bieber bowl's special patented design allows you to just bop, bowl, and you're biebered.
Just look how adorable.
Plus, if you like it, we'll send you a new bowl each month so you can look like Zac, Moisés, that guy, blondie, his brother, and him.
So start shampooing now.
The Bieber bowl.
Our operators are waiting to adore you.
Also available in adult sizes.
Mad! Oh, that looks great, man.
She's gonna love that tattoo.
Transformers.
You have your favorites, but here are some rejected ones that didn't make the cut Autopot Aah! Aah! Mowertron I will destroy the Headgear, the orthodontic transformer Ooh.
And Click, the transformer who can hide anywhere.
Honey, have you seen the remote? Have you checked in the sofa cushions? Ohh! Rejected transformers.
Now you know why they're less than meets the eye.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair so that I may climb thy golden stair.
Raah! Disney's direct to DVD presents I miss you, mom.
It's good to share your feelings.
Mommy? "Zombi.
" My heart won't stop thumping.
I think I just skunked myself.
What the For a limited time only I didn't mean anything by shooting you.
It's just a sport.
Because pretty soon, this DVD goes back into the vault.
Go get him, mom.
"Zombi," part of the Fawn of The Dead DVD collection.
It's time for celebrity birthdays.
Today's celebrity birthdays include Spongebob's own Mort Jenkins.
Before landing the role of jellyfish number 56, Mort was hired to build sets for the local production of "The Sting.
" He got bit by the acting bug, and the rest, as they say, is fishstory.
And let's give a big birthday cheer to Evelyn Crawford, better known for her leg acting in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Finally, Ernie Zacks, the stunt double for both Zack and Cody on "The Suite Life on Deck," turns 53 today.
Go get 'em, Ernie.
And that's today's celebrity birthdays.
Ah.
"Go to jail.
" Oh, no.
Looks like mom's goin' to jail, everyone.
- What the - All right.
No.
Wait.
Th-there's been a misunderstanding.
I need to call my lawyer.
All right, Larry.
Your turn.
Mad.
It's time for another round of where's Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga has decided to attend this high school pep rally.
Can you find her? Is that her? What about here? Here? Whoo! Could it be What about here? There? Nope, there she is.
- Mad.
- Mad.
- Mad.
I love it.
Whah! Aah! Ooh! We did a lot today.
We sure did.
Sinestro! Spreading things to others is not healthy.
- But I - If you made Susan here yawn, it means you're contagious.
Bobby Johnson, you gave me yawn.
What should we do? Well, for $5.
00, I can cure you with my yellow power ring.
Ok.
Thanks, Sinestro.
Heh heh heh.
Suckers.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine, CSI.
Manager Joe Williams, TGIX.
We found a dead body at table 6.
All right, we're gonna need this place emptied out.
Hey, everyone, we're gonna sing the birthday song.
Works every time.
Headquarters is sending over another team to help.
Something about injecting new blood into a tired old fossil.
We're here! Who are you? I'm Carly.
And I'm Sam.
We're shooting a web series.
Shooting it? I'd say it's dead.
Yaah! What's your problem, Freddie? He's standing on my foot.
Sorry about that.
Let's get this guy in a body bag.
Why put him in a body bag when we can put him in a Noodle net! That's disgusting.
He's gonna be surrounded by worms soon anyway.
Mmm.
Tasty.
How 'bout you guys start looking for fingerprints? I found 10.
You know, if you stopped goofin' around, maybe you'd learn somethin'.
The victim is an old man who - What are you doing? - Tapin' myself.
Maybe I can help.
See, now that's the attitude.
Everyone, please.
Maybe it's best if we split up.
Great.
We'll take the upper right part of the screen.
We figured it out! - Was it the fish? - Nope.
He was 95 years old.
Happy birthday, dead guy.
So we can go home? Not before we have dessert with our new partners.
In that case, have the cobbler.
It's to die for.
Yaah! Sorry.
I have big feet.
This is a Na'vi avatar.
They are fierce, and they are savage.
Just don't tap on the glass, 'cause it freaks 'em out.
Now, the guy who was scheduled to take this avatar died from a cat allergy Ah So instead, we're goin' with his brother, Jake Smelly.
Is that the best the military can do? Well, we were gonna send the A-Team, but they wouldn't fit in the pod.
Ooh, I pity the pod.
Uhh.
Better send Smelly.
Man your pod, Smelly, and good luck.
Wow.
I look just like the Na'vi.
Dr.
Grace, how'd you duplicate them so perfect What? It took a few tries to get it right, ok? Luckily everything on this planet is Blue! Run, Jake! Uhh.
I think I just crapped in my shell.
Obviously you're more of a cat person.
I am Neytiri of the Na'vi.
We are a peaceful clan who are at one with nature.
Clearly.
These are my people.
We live under the tree of souls with our clan leader, our spiritual leader Ahh.
And our music leader.
Everyone's a critic.
Why did you bring me back? To remind you.
Your mission is help us obtain this precious mineral known as stupidnamium.
Stupidnamium? What moron came up with that? In order to fly, you must join with the banshee that chooses you.
How will I know which one chooses me? It will try and kill you.
I got him when he wasn't lookin'.
That's not exactly what I meant, but the job is done.
Your initiation is finished.
Is that ceremonial paint? No.
It's banshee poo.
It's all over the place, and we don't know what to do with it.
I I must confess something, Neytiri.
This body is just my avatar.
Where is your real body? Safely protected in the transpod.
Everyone, listen.
I know I've been here for 3 months and probably should have mentioned this earlier, but the sky people want to destroy your tree.
Guess I should have put that at the top of the list.
Step aside, Smelly.
You had your chance.
Is that your latest military robot, Quaritch? No.
It's the Bluetendo, actually.
Got it for my birthday.
Uhh! Hello, kitty.
You can hiss all you want, but I'm protected inside this robotic suit.
What? I said Oh.
I see what happened.
Jake.
I see you.
I see you.
No, get me to the ICU.
Oh.
Uh, of course.
You saved us, Jake Smelly, and as a thank you, we will make you our king.
Aah! This is one small step for Ah, man.
Houston, we have a poo-poo.
Tired of getting haircuts that don't get you noticed? Introducing the Bieber bowl, the new hair-styling bowl that'll make your look go from being just out to just-in.
The Bieber bowl's special patented design allows you to just bop, bowl, and you're biebered.
Just look how adorable.
Plus, if you like it, we'll send you a new bowl each month so you can look like Zac, Moisés, that guy, blondie, his brother, and him.
So start shampooing now.
The Bieber bowl.
Our operators are waiting to adore you.
Also available in adult sizes.
Mad! Oh, that looks great, man.
She's gonna love that tattoo.
Transformers.
You have your favorites, but here are some rejected ones that didn't make the cut Autopot Aah! Aah! Mowertron I will destroy the Headgear, the orthodontic transformer Ooh.
And Click, the transformer who can hide anywhere.
Honey, have you seen the remote? Have you checked in the sofa cushions? Ohh! Rejected transformers.
Now you know why they're less than meets the eye.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair so that I may climb thy golden stair.
Raah! Disney's direct to DVD presents I miss you, mom.
It's good to share your feelings.
Mommy? "Zombi.
" My heart won't stop thumping.
I think I just skunked myself.
What the For a limited time only I didn't mean anything by shooting you.
It's just a sport.
Because pretty soon, this DVD goes back into the vault.
Go get him, mom.
"Zombi," part of the Fawn of The Dead DVD collection.
It's time for celebrity birthdays.
Today's celebrity birthdays include Spongebob's own Mort Jenkins.
Before landing the role of jellyfish number 56, Mort was hired to build sets for the local production of "The Sting.
" He got bit by the acting bug, and the rest, as they say, is fishstory.
And let's give a big birthday cheer to Evelyn Crawford, better known for her leg acting in the Tom and Jerry cartoons.
Finally, Ernie Zacks, the stunt double for both Zack and Cody on "The Suite Life on Deck," turns 53 today.
Go get 'em, Ernie.
And that's today's celebrity birthdays.
Ah.
"Go to jail.
" Oh, no.
Looks like mom's goin' to jail, everyone.
- What the - All right.
No.
Wait.
Th-there's been a misunderstanding.
I need to call my lawyer.
All right, Larry.
Your turn.
Mad.
It's time for another round of where's Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga has decided to attend this high school pep rally.
Can you find her? Is that her? What about here? Here? Whoo! Could it be What about here? There? Nope, there she is.
- Mad.
- Mad.
- Mad.
I love it.
Whah! Aah! Ooh! We did a lot today.
We sure did.
Sinestro! Spreading things to others is not healthy.
- But I - If you made Susan here yawn, it means you're contagious.
Bobby Johnson, you gave me yawn.
What should we do? Well, for $5.
00, I can cure you with my yellow power ring.
Ok.
Thanks, Sinestro.
Heh heh heh.
Suckers.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine, CSI.
Manager Joe Williams, TGIX.
We found a dead body at table 6.
All right, we're gonna need this place emptied out.
Hey, everyone, we're gonna sing the birthday song.
Works every time.
Headquarters is sending over another team to help.
Something about injecting new blood into a tired old fossil.
We're here! Who are you? I'm Carly.
And I'm Sam.
We're shooting a web series.
Shooting it? I'd say it's dead.
Yaah! What's your problem, Freddie? He's standing on my foot.
Sorry about that.
Let's get this guy in a body bag.
Why put him in a body bag when we can put him in a Noodle net! That's disgusting.
He's gonna be surrounded by worms soon anyway.
Mmm.
Tasty.
How 'bout you guys start looking for fingerprints? I found 10.
You know, if you stopped goofin' around, maybe you'd learn somethin'.
The victim is an old man who - What are you doing? - Tapin' myself.
Maybe I can help.
See, now that's the attitude.
Everyone, please.
Maybe it's best if we split up.
Great.
We'll take the upper right part of the screen.
We figured it out! - Was it the fish? - Nope.
He was 95 years old.
Happy birthday, dead guy.
So we can go home? Not before we have dessert with our new partners.
In that case, have the cobbler.
It's to die for.
Yaah! Sorry.
I have big feet.