Mo (2022) s01e01 Episode Script
Hamoodi
1
["Sitting Sideways" playing]
Boys in a daze ♪
Sitting sideways, boys in a daze ♪
Sitting sideways, boys in a daze ♪
On a Sunday night
I might bang me some maze ♪
Paul Wall, baby
It's the People's Champ ♪
I'm something like a baller ♪
The candy paint dripping off of
The old-school Impala ♪
I'm with that Big Bank Hank
That Poppa Joe and box ♪
Trunk bump like chicken pox
Turn the bass up just a notch ♪
You see them blades chopping
You see that trunk popping ♪
that diss me in the club
The same in the parking lot bopping ♪
They see me in the Jag
Acting bad with T. Farris ♪
Open mouth and showcase ice
And you gon' see about 20 karats ♪
I'm with that Gu U on 5-9-double-O
In the Tahoe ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[in Spanish] Hi, José. What's up, asshole?
- How are you doing that so fast?
- These new LCD screens are pretty easy.
A couple screws and an attachment,
and you're there.
Mo, where are those iPhone cases?
[in Spanish] Hurry up, asshole.
This gringa's waiting for us.
- More specific. Which cases?
- [in English] iPhone 13.
[in Spanish] Next to the Samsung cases.
The ones with Selena.
[in English] Rest in peace.
[in Spanish] Rest in peace. [kisses]
- José will ring you up. Have a great day.
- [woman] You too.
- [in Arabic] Mo, I need to speak to you.
- [in English] What?
[in Arabic] You're speaking Arabic?
[in English] Speaking Arabic
in front of customers is not a good sign.
[in Arabic] ICE raided our other store.
Put it right in our ass.
Another infraction and we're shut down.
I'm so sorry, Mo.
- [in English] You firing me?
- You don't have a work permit. Sorry.
- What about José? He can't be legal.
- No, José is legal.
Yeah, fuck you, I'm legal. I married in.
You should marry Maria.
She's fine as hell, and she's a mechanic.
So she got them oily hands.
Don't talk about her hands
or anything about her. He's disgusting.
- Imagine his search history.
- Please.
- He just did this.
- Look, no jerking off in public. Stop.
How will you run things?
It's my place. I run
I mean, it's your place, but I run it.
My asylum case is coming up soon.
Don't worry.
- How long have you been waiting? 20 years?
- Twenty-two, actually. 22 years.
Inshallah, it works out,
and you come back.
I wouldn't if I had a work permit.
Listen, come on. I'm so sorry.
I wish I could have done more.
[in Arabic] My blessings to your family.
[in English] Not the first time
ICE has run me out of a job.
- Damn, they gonna do you like that?
- Yeah, man.
I'm gonna miss you.
I wish I could say the same, puto.
- Cabrón. All right.
- [José] Asshole.
[soft music playing]
I'm telling you,
if I see Ramón's ass crack one more time.
Don't wanna hear about asses.
I don't wanna see them.
I've tried everything. Nothing works.
This guy's crack is relentless.
Get him on oil changes.
Hide him under the car.
Hm, not a bad idea.
You gonna retire that?
Hang it up like a jersey?
I'm gonna keep it.
I don't want my mom to know I got fired.
- You haven't told her?
- [Mo] No.
I'll figure out my next move,
and then I'll tell her.
What? Why're you looking at me like that?
[in Spanish] Why that face?
[in English] You don't know my mom.
- Because you never let me see her.
- You saw her a week ago.
I said hello and goodbye, like always.
Two years.
Two years dating,
and we've never had dinner.
- You want her to grill you again?
- [Maria] I can't take her religious shit?
"Maria, why do you Catholics
worship the three gods?"
My mom turned into the Godfather?
"You broke my heart, Sonny.
You broke my heart." What are you doing?
- Who is this person? [laughs]
- [laughs]
What is the Trinity? Explain.
- [in Spanish] The Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
- What is it? No, don't do that. Good lord.
- Kiss it, kiss.
- No, it neutralize it.
What's it about? Want me to wear a hijab?
Is that what this is about?
I mean, a hijab is optional.
What about cutting out pork first?
- No pastor?
- Or work on your titty cleavage?
You were just complaining
about butt cleavage.
Titty cleavage. Okay! Why don't you start
with the basic Muslim package first?
Are you calling me basic? Huh?
Any of this basic? This basic to you?
- [kissing]
- No.
- Hm?
- Mm-mm.
[kissing]
- Besides, you don't even go to mosque.
- All right, get off me.
Can't mention mosque, okay?
It's the anti-Viagra.
We were getting freaky.
Now I'm thinking about my family.
It's fucked up.
You should go to church with me someday.
You could use a good confession.
You know, nuns wear hijab,
and they're not basic.
It's the OG hijab.
[soft music playing]
[in Arabic] Everything here
is made from plastic.
I want authentic wooden baking molds.
Everything here is made in China.
Habibi!
Watch what's in front of you.
You'll drop my lamps.
You have 100 lamps
and none are plugged in.
Those are antiques.
Antiques? It has a Target sticker
for $11.99. Don't exaggerate.
So people know the bargain I got.
Come, Hamoodi wants to say hello.
- [woman] Come here, habibi.
- Come. May God keep him happy.
- He just got back from work. Say hi.
- Hello.
Peace and blessings. Hello.
Hi, habibi.
Looks like you're gaining weight.
Okay. All praise due. Everything's well.
For the love of God, move the camera back.
All I see is your nose. Much better.
You need to take care if you want to find
a good woman that's loveable and sweet.
Mom, let me leave.
He's not dating anyone
named Aysha or Khadija
because he is with a Mexican girl.
Not only that, she's Christian too.
[gasping] What are you saying?
Is it true, Hamoodi?
Unbelievable.
- She might convert. You never know.
- God willing.
Hadi wants the Samsung Galaxy.
Can you get me one from work? We'll pay.
I can't take money from my cousin.
What are you talking about?
I promise on my eyes and head.
No money or anything.
- You sure?
- Of course I am.
I have to go, Mama, please.
- God give you wellness.
- And may God give you wellness.
Did you see what I am dealing with?
As I told you,
the wooden molds and a tin of olive oil.
I want the wooden molds
and also a tin of olive oil.
[soft music playing]
[door opens]
- [sighs]
- [cat purrs]
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- Working on my eye contact.
Yeah.
- Hey, Hamoodi?
- [in Arabic] Yeah, habibi?
I need you to get Meow Munch Original.
It's the only brand Crystal eats now.
What do we do
with the Perfect Portions we got?
I also need you to return that.
I don't have time for this.
I'll get it for you when I can.
If you don't get it in time
- I'll tell Mom about your tattoo.
- Please don't, okay?
[in Arabic] Mom, Hamoodi distorted
his body with a tattoo.
- Everything is great.
- Sameer, keep it down! I'm watching TV.
He's joking with you. [laughs]
[in English]
I'll get your stupid cat food.
My cat's not stupid.
No, not the cat, I love Crystal.
Crystal loves you, too. Okay.
[in Arabic] Peace be upon you.
Peace be upon you.
[in English] Go ahead.
- [in Arabic] May God keep you safe.
- You too.
[soft guitar music playing]
[sighs]
- [man 1] You Zionists drive me crazy.
- You can huff and puff until you're blue,
but in 1947, the UN presented a plan
offering both sides their own country.
It began, devised by European colonists
who seized the land in the first place.
Rabin, Arafat,
you done recording your podcast?
Let's table the peace talks.
- Peace? Don't you talk about peace.
- [in Arabic] Calm down.
[in English] Enough drama, okay?
I already got fired.
- Lost your job? What did you do?
- [Mo] Yeah.
I didn't do anything, why me?
Rahman's other store got raided by ICE.
- He got scared and let me go.
- No balls, that guy.
Here, guys. Okay, we got the hummus,
we got a side of chickpeas.
Lemon juice. Very sexy, huh?
Learn English, kid. Hummus ain't sexy.
Shee foo, man. Shee foo.
Look at him.
How he does his hummus. So particular.
[in Arabic] A true native.
The love of my heart.
I'm real. It's in my blood.
[in English] They have a new snack-cup
hummus now. It's not bad.
It's a damn war crime.
I'm triggered by this.
- It hurts. Like a cyst on my scrotum.
- What will you do for work?
Back to selling bootlegs and counterfeits.
- What else?
- Why do you need to sell that crap?
I'm good at it. Will you hook me up?
Selling is the only thing
I can do without papers.
Aba has a suit shop,
why don't you go and work for him?
- I'd love to.
- [Nazeer] Of course.
Kid's a natural salesman.
But what am I, a charity?
He wants to sell merch. Introduce him.
It's just a side hustle.
I'll look for other jobs.
Listen, Mo, your father
- [in Arabic] God have mercy on him.
- Amen.
[in English] He wouldn't want you
getting in trouble.
I'm not gonna get in trouble. Okay?
I need to support my family.
I don't wanna sell this shit.
Should I start whoring out on the streets?
I have to beg? After whoring,
knocking door-to-door. You want that?
- [in Arabic] I'll help you. I'll call.
- You'll call?
Thank you. [kissing].
[chuckles] Happy now?
[in English] I'm happy. I'd be really
happy if we'd go back to 1967 borders.
Ten million Palestinians exiled.
- What about our right to return?
- 1967?
That was a war. You lost it.
- What did you say now?
- We'll never reach a deal with that
[upbeat music playing]
Hey, how you doing, bro?
Hey, I'm not your dad, bro.
Don't have to be mad at me.
How you doing, ma'am?
I like your outfit.
I have something that'd go with that.
That goes very well with that.
You don't need [chuckles]
You don't need me. Have a nice day.
Work all day ♪
And I pray and I pray ♪
Work all day ♪
Thinkin' back on a young boy ♪
With the world in his hands ♪
- [Mo] How're you doing? Beautiful weather.
- Yeah, it is.
- We're lucky. You got orthopedics?
- Yes, sir.
Slow down. Don't hurt yourself.
What are they, nine and a half?
Son of a bitch, right again.
They're my old trusties.
- They're doing a number on your back, huh?
- God, my lower back is killing me.
Same here.
Until I switched over to Yeezys.
My back pain disappeared.
Thank you, Yeezus, I say.
- Let me show you something.
- [man] Oh no, I
Holy shit, you got a store in there.
- I'm an entrepreneur. Look at this.
- Good for you.
Thank you. Designer yet orthopedic.
[laughs] That doesn't look like anything
I'd wear. They look like alien's shoes.
They're from whatever planet Kanye's from,
but don't judge until you try them on.
Come on.
Come on in for a moon landing.
Ain't gonna take 30 seconds of your time.
- Here we go. Gotta look after your back.
- Yeah, that I do.
Here you go. Give them a try.
- [man] All right.
- [Mo] They're genuine recycled algae.
- [man] Whoa!
- [Mo] Yeah.
[man laughs] Whoa!
Oh, my goodness, look at
Son, these shoes are golden. How much?
Aftermarket, these go for about $350,000.
- Let me get
- [Mo] Whoa.
I'm willing to sell them for $200.
Son, I can't tell my wife
I paid $200 for a pair of algae shoes.
I smell what you're stepping in, okay?
So I'll sweeten the pot.
Now, for $300
I know. Hold
Hold on a second, hear me out.
I'll throw in this Chanel purse.
Now, this will retail well over $1000.
You ain't gonna find
a better replica than this.
She won't know the difference.
- This is not real?
- No. [chuckles]
Don't be selling bags
that are fake as hell.
These are high-quality replicas.
Have some respect for my shit.
That's the problem.
They look a little too real.
Remember Fat Phillip? Just got jammed up
for selling fake Louis Vs.
They hit him with a felony.
Nothing criminal about what I do.
Kanye thinks I'm stealing from him?
- He's busy designing moccasins for NASA.
- I don't care about him. I care about you.
You can get into trouble.
That's not entirely true.
She voted for Kanye.
- You voted for Kanye?
- He's a freethinker.
The only one
that wasn't bought out by Wall Street.
- Self-made man.
- Wow.
You're a wild nigga.
You know how Mo and I became brothers?
His dad died around the same time
my pops went to jail.
- And we got tattoos of our dads' names.
- I didn't know you had one like Mo.
[man] Guess he forgot to tell you.
He also forgot that he used to drive me
to visit my pops when he was in jail.
He definitely forgot
what the inside of a jail looks like.
- Bro, chill. Nobody's going to jail.
- They'll send you back to Palestine first.
I never been to Palestine.
I don't have citizenship there,
I don't have it here.
I'm like a refugee free agent.
I don't even have a fucking passport.
All I have is my asylum claim.
- And Chanel bags.
- What are you saying?
- You got us and your family.
- Exactly.
That's why
I gotta take care of them today.
I gotta do what I gotta do
until I have my own business,
buy my own piece of land,
and do things the right way.
- You'd do terrible in jail.
- What are you saying? I'd flourish.
Form alliances,
join the Muslims, do Friday prayers.
- You cried at my cousin's quinceañera.
- It was emotional. She became a woman.
Bro, you're a big dude,
but you know you're just
cuddly.
Super cuddly.
- Facts. That's true.
- [Maria] You are, though.
But I would kill it in prison, though.
For real. I'd sell loosies,
I'd get some cigarettes from the outside,
start using the yeah, uh-huh.
- I'd start using the security guards
- You just took food to the mouth.
People who get fed by their girl,
they don't do good in prison.
It's a different situation. She's my girl.
I'm trying to give you my strategy.
- [man] Look at this.
- Chill. I'm not doing that.
- There's a plane coming. A plane.
- [laughs] Stop playing, I don't like it.
- There's a plane. Airplane. Look at you.
- [laughs]
[vibrant music playing]
Hear me now ♪
Check, check, check out my melody ♪
I got the killer flow
Call it lyrical felony ♪
I got more melanin than Melanie ♪
So motherfuck
What a fuck-boy is tellin' me ♪
I'm lit, so they inhalin' me ♪
Since I'm iller, no man be triller ♪
No woman no cry
Fuck her, I didn't feel ♪
Crystal's gonna be happy.
Take a shot of tequila ♪
Selector, come back
Rewind, now wheeler ♪
[woman] Hello, sir.
Would you like to try
some chocolate hummus?
- The fuck you say to me?
- What?
Did you say chocolate hummus?
You know what you just did?
You insulted my grandmother. Yeah.
"Fuck your lineage.
To hell with your culture."
Lo siento,
I did not know hummus was Mexican.
It's not Mexican. It's Palestinian.
You know what?
There's a lot of misinformation out there.
- It's not your fault.
- You always carry that around?
Yeah, some people carry hot sauce,
I carry olive oil.
Not just any, it's Palestinian.
Next level.
Oh, it's gonna be so good. I can't wait.
The pita's for the hummus.
[chuckles] That's not hummus.
That's a damn shit emoji.
Would you put chocolate on guacamole?
No, I don't think so.
Trust me. All right.
- Mm! Uh-huh!
- [woman] It's not bad.
It's really good.
[gunshots]
- [man 1] Look out!
- [man 2] He's got a gun!
- [man 3] Get down!
- [man 4] Someone call 911!
- [gunshots]
- [people screaming]
[sirens blaring]
[Sameer] I need you to get some
Meow Munch Original for Crystal.
[woman] Would you like
some chocolate hummus?
[man 1] Damn, he got shot in some Yeezys?
[man 2] Not the 500s Triple-black?
- What's going on?
- [medic] You fainted, sir.
What? Why does my arm hurt?
[medic] That's the bullet wound.
You were shot.
What? I got shot?
I got shot and you led with,
"You fainted"?
It's just a graze. You'll be fine
once they treat it at the hospital.
- No hospitals.
- No, sir, you were in a mass shooting.
- You're in shock. You need a hospital
- I said no hospitals.
It's not a mass shooting.
Only three people got shot,
it takes four to be mass.
Yeah, but the shooter also got shot,
that's four people.
- So it's a mass.
- No, the shooter doesn't count.
Hey, assholes,
I'm refusing medical attention.
I'm uninsured. I'm not paying $5000
for an ambulance ride. No fucking way.
[groans]
Well, Bilal, that brings us down
to three victims.
I guess it's definitely not a mass now.
[Mo groans]
[panting]
Goddamn you, Crystal,
and your fucking Meow Munch!
You're really lucky, man.
This just missed your brachial artery.
- [Mo] I got shot!
- Bro, you got grazed.
- A bullet went through my arm. I got shot.
- Here, man, hit that.
I don't mess with lean.
Took too many Houston legends,
Pimp C, Big Moe, DJ Screw.
Does it look like we trying to get lit?
For the pain.
You have something I can bite down on?
[screaming]
All right, fuck it.
Hey, slow down. Slow down. Baby steps, Mo.
Damn.
[exhales]
Hey, I'll send you home
with a few bottles.
Should be enough to get you through.
Just mix it with soda and candy,
you're gonna be straight.
Just don't go crazy with it.
- [sighs] Thank you, bro.
- [Chien] I got you.
- How much do I owe you?
- No, you good. This one's on the house.
Crazy-ass White people.
[somber music playing]
[squeaking]
[in Arabic] I've been trying to call you
all evening, and you didn't answer.
What's happened?
- Go to sleep, Mama.
- What happened?
- Go back to sleep!
- What's going on? What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
- [gasps]
What is this?
- [in English] Nothing happened.
- [in Arabic] Talk. What happened?
[in English] I got attacked by a stray
dog. That's all. Pit bulls are everywhere.
No. Mohammed.
[in Arabic] Say the truth. What happened?
[in English] I got shot, okay?
- Shot?
- Yes.
Sit.
[Mo groans]
Who shot you?
Did a gang bang you?
[scoffs] I didn't get gang banged, Ma.
I was grocery shopping
for Sameer's cat food,
some crazy White guy came in,
started shooting.
[grunts] Be careful.
[in Arabic] Don't worry. Don't worry.
[in English] Don't worry, Mo.
Hamdulilah, it's only a graze.
Just clean it and take off
this shirt when you go
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is that?
- Just calm down.
- Hamoodi, what is that?
- A tattoo, Mohamad?
- I got shot, and you focus on the tattoo?
- [in Arabic] What's wrong with you?
- [in English] A graze will heal.
But a tattoo,
is a disgrace on your life forever.
- Of course!
- You even know what's on it? What is it?
Look at it.
[somber music playing]
[sighs] I got it four years
after he passed away.
[in Arabic] Baby, sweetheart.
[in English] Before you were born,
we barely got out of Palestine,
then alhamdulillah, we escaped Kuwait.
And now we are safe here in America.
And, sweetheart,
you come shot while shopping for cat food.
- What is this? Sweetheart
- [Sameer] Oh, Hamoodi
You won't believe this,
but Crystal started eating
Perfect Portions, so
never mind the Meow Munch.
[laughs]
[sighs]
Oh, shit.
[meows softly]
[singing in Arabic]
[boy shouts]
["Sitting Sideways" playing]
Boys in a daze ♪
Sitting sideways, boys in a daze ♪
Sitting sideways, boys in a daze ♪
On a Sunday night
I might bang me some maze ♪
Paul Wall, baby
It's the People's Champ ♪
I'm something like a baller ♪
The candy paint dripping off of
The old-school Impala ♪
I'm with that Big Bank Hank
That Poppa Joe and box ♪
Trunk bump like chicken pox
Turn the bass up just a notch ♪
You see them blades chopping
You see that trunk popping ♪
that diss me in the club
The same in the parking lot bopping ♪
They see me in the Jag
Acting bad with T. Farris ♪
Open mouth and showcase ice
And you gon' see about 20 karats ♪
I'm with that Gu U on 5-9-double-O
In the Tahoe ♪
[upbeat music playing]
[in Spanish] Hi, José. What's up, asshole?
- How are you doing that so fast?
- These new LCD screens are pretty easy.
A couple screws and an attachment,
and you're there.
Mo, where are those iPhone cases?
[in Spanish] Hurry up, asshole.
This gringa's waiting for us.
- More specific. Which cases?
- [in English] iPhone 13.
[in Spanish] Next to the Samsung cases.
The ones with Selena.
[in English] Rest in peace.
[in Spanish] Rest in peace. [kisses]
- José will ring you up. Have a great day.
- [woman] You too.
- [in Arabic] Mo, I need to speak to you.
- [in English] What?
[in Arabic] You're speaking Arabic?
[in English] Speaking Arabic
in front of customers is not a good sign.
[in Arabic] ICE raided our other store.
Put it right in our ass.
Another infraction and we're shut down.
I'm so sorry, Mo.
- [in English] You firing me?
- You don't have a work permit. Sorry.
- What about José? He can't be legal.
- No, José is legal.
Yeah, fuck you, I'm legal. I married in.
You should marry Maria.
She's fine as hell, and she's a mechanic.
So she got them oily hands.
Don't talk about her hands
or anything about her. He's disgusting.
- Imagine his search history.
- Please.
- He just did this.
- Look, no jerking off in public. Stop.
How will you run things?
It's my place. I run
I mean, it's your place, but I run it.
My asylum case is coming up soon.
Don't worry.
- How long have you been waiting? 20 years?
- Twenty-two, actually. 22 years.
Inshallah, it works out,
and you come back.
I wouldn't if I had a work permit.
Listen, come on. I'm so sorry.
I wish I could have done more.
[in Arabic] My blessings to your family.
[in English] Not the first time
ICE has run me out of a job.
- Damn, they gonna do you like that?
- Yeah, man.
I'm gonna miss you.
I wish I could say the same, puto.
- Cabrón. All right.
- [José] Asshole.
[soft music playing]
I'm telling you,
if I see Ramón's ass crack one more time.
Don't wanna hear about asses.
I don't wanna see them.
I've tried everything. Nothing works.
This guy's crack is relentless.
Get him on oil changes.
Hide him under the car.
Hm, not a bad idea.
You gonna retire that?
Hang it up like a jersey?
I'm gonna keep it.
I don't want my mom to know I got fired.
- You haven't told her?
- [Mo] No.
I'll figure out my next move,
and then I'll tell her.
What? Why're you looking at me like that?
[in Spanish] Why that face?
[in English] You don't know my mom.
- Because you never let me see her.
- You saw her a week ago.
I said hello and goodbye, like always.
Two years.
Two years dating,
and we've never had dinner.
- You want her to grill you again?
- [Maria] I can't take her religious shit?
"Maria, why do you Catholics
worship the three gods?"
My mom turned into the Godfather?
"You broke my heart, Sonny.
You broke my heart." What are you doing?
- Who is this person? [laughs]
- [laughs]
What is the Trinity? Explain.
- [in Spanish] The Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
- What is it? No, don't do that. Good lord.
- Kiss it, kiss.
- No, it neutralize it.
What's it about? Want me to wear a hijab?
Is that what this is about?
I mean, a hijab is optional.
What about cutting out pork first?
- No pastor?
- Or work on your titty cleavage?
You were just complaining
about butt cleavage.
Titty cleavage. Okay! Why don't you start
with the basic Muslim package first?
Are you calling me basic? Huh?
Any of this basic? This basic to you?
- [kissing]
- No.
- Hm?
- Mm-mm.
[kissing]
- Besides, you don't even go to mosque.
- All right, get off me.
Can't mention mosque, okay?
It's the anti-Viagra.
We were getting freaky.
Now I'm thinking about my family.
It's fucked up.
You should go to church with me someday.
You could use a good confession.
You know, nuns wear hijab,
and they're not basic.
It's the OG hijab.
[soft music playing]
[in Arabic] Everything here
is made from plastic.
I want authentic wooden baking molds.
Everything here is made in China.
Habibi!
Watch what's in front of you.
You'll drop my lamps.
You have 100 lamps
and none are plugged in.
Those are antiques.
Antiques? It has a Target sticker
for $11.99. Don't exaggerate.
So people know the bargain I got.
Come, Hamoodi wants to say hello.
- [woman] Come here, habibi.
- Come. May God keep him happy.
- He just got back from work. Say hi.
- Hello.
Peace and blessings. Hello.
Hi, habibi.
Looks like you're gaining weight.
Okay. All praise due. Everything's well.
For the love of God, move the camera back.
All I see is your nose. Much better.
You need to take care if you want to find
a good woman that's loveable and sweet.
Mom, let me leave.
He's not dating anyone
named Aysha or Khadija
because he is with a Mexican girl.
Not only that, she's Christian too.
[gasping] What are you saying?
Is it true, Hamoodi?
Unbelievable.
- She might convert. You never know.
- God willing.
Hadi wants the Samsung Galaxy.
Can you get me one from work? We'll pay.
I can't take money from my cousin.
What are you talking about?
I promise on my eyes and head.
No money or anything.
- You sure?
- Of course I am.
I have to go, Mama, please.
- God give you wellness.
- And may God give you wellness.
Did you see what I am dealing with?
As I told you,
the wooden molds and a tin of olive oil.
I want the wooden molds
and also a tin of olive oil.
[soft music playing]
[door opens]
- [sighs]
- [cat purrs]
- Why are you looking at me like that?
- Working on my eye contact.
Yeah.
- Hey, Hamoodi?
- [in Arabic] Yeah, habibi?
I need you to get Meow Munch Original.
It's the only brand Crystal eats now.
What do we do
with the Perfect Portions we got?
I also need you to return that.
I don't have time for this.
I'll get it for you when I can.
If you don't get it in time
- I'll tell Mom about your tattoo.
- Please don't, okay?
[in Arabic] Mom, Hamoodi distorted
his body with a tattoo.
- Everything is great.
- Sameer, keep it down! I'm watching TV.
He's joking with you. [laughs]
[in English]
I'll get your stupid cat food.
My cat's not stupid.
No, not the cat, I love Crystal.
Crystal loves you, too. Okay.
[in Arabic] Peace be upon you.
Peace be upon you.
[in English] Go ahead.
- [in Arabic] May God keep you safe.
- You too.
[soft guitar music playing]
[sighs]
- [man 1] You Zionists drive me crazy.
- You can huff and puff until you're blue,
but in 1947, the UN presented a plan
offering both sides their own country.
It began, devised by European colonists
who seized the land in the first place.
Rabin, Arafat,
you done recording your podcast?
Let's table the peace talks.
- Peace? Don't you talk about peace.
- [in Arabic] Calm down.
[in English] Enough drama, okay?
I already got fired.
- Lost your job? What did you do?
- [Mo] Yeah.
I didn't do anything, why me?
Rahman's other store got raided by ICE.
- He got scared and let me go.
- No balls, that guy.
Here, guys. Okay, we got the hummus,
we got a side of chickpeas.
Lemon juice. Very sexy, huh?
Learn English, kid. Hummus ain't sexy.
Shee foo, man. Shee foo.
Look at him.
How he does his hummus. So particular.
[in Arabic] A true native.
The love of my heart.
I'm real. It's in my blood.
[in English] They have a new snack-cup
hummus now. It's not bad.
It's a damn war crime.
I'm triggered by this.
- It hurts. Like a cyst on my scrotum.
- What will you do for work?
Back to selling bootlegs and counterfeits.
- What else?
- Why do you need to sell that crap?
I'm good at it. Will you hook me up?
Selling is the only thing
I can do without papers.
Aba has a suit shop,
why don't you go and work for him?
- I'd love to.
- [Nazeer] Of course.
Kid's a natural salesman.
But what am I, a charity?
He wants to sell merch. Introduce him.
It's just a side hustle.
I'll look for other jobs.
Listen, Mo, your father
- [in Arabic] God have mercy on him.
- Amen.
[in English] He wouldn't want you
getting in trouble.
I'm not gonna get in trouble. Okay?
I need to support my family.
I don't wanna sell this shit.
Should I start whoring out on the streets?
I have to beg? After whoring,
knocking door-to-door. You want that?
- [in Arabic] I'll help you. I'll call.
- You'll call?
Thank you. [kissing].
[chuckles] Happy now?
[in English] I'm happy. I'd be really
happy if we'd go back to 1967 borders.
Ten million Palestinians exiled.
- What about our right to return?
- 1967?
That was a war. You lost it.
- What did you say now?
- We'll never reach a deal with that
[upbeat music playing]
Hey, how you doing, bro?
Hey, I'm not your dad, bro.
Don't have to be mad at me.
How you doing, ma'am?
I like your outfit.
I have something that'd go with that.
That goes very well with that.
You don't need [chuckles]
You don't need me. Have a nice day.
Work all day ♪
And I pray and I pray ♪
Work all day ♪
Thinkin' back on a young boy ♪
With the world in his hands ♪
- [Mo] How're you doing? Beautiful weather.
- Yeah, it is.
- We're lucky. You got orthopedics?
- Yes, sir.
Slow down. Don't hurt yourself.
What are they, nine and a half?
Son of a bitch, right again.
They're my old trusties.
- They're doing a number on your back, huh?
- God, my lower back is killing me.
Same here.
Until I switched over to Yeezys.
My back pain disappeared.
Thank you, Yeezus, I say.
- Let me show you something.
- [man] Oh no, I
Holy shit, you got a store in there.
- I'm an entrepreneur. Look at this.
- Good for you.
Thank you. Designer yet orthopedic.
[laughs] That doesn't look like anything
I'd wear. They look like alien's shoes.
They're from whatever planet Kanye's from,
but don't judge until you try them on.
Come on.
Come on in for a moon landing.
Ain't gonna take 30 seconds of your time.
- Here we go. Gotta look after your back.
- Yeah, that I do.
Here you go. Give them a try.
- [man] All right.
- [Mo] They're genuine recycled algae.
- [man] Whoa!
- [Mo] Yeah.
[man laughs] Whoa!
Oh, my goodness, look at
Son, these shoes are golden. How much?
Aftermarket, these go for about $350,000.
- Let me get
- [Mo] Whoa.
I'm willing to sell them for $200.
Son, I can't tell my wife
I paid $200 for a pair of algae shoes.
I smell what you're stepping in, okay?
So I'll sweeten the pot.
Now, for $300
I know. Hold
Hold on a second, hear me out.
I'll throw in this Chanel purse.
Now, this will retail well over $1000.
You ain't gonna find
a better replica than this.
She won't know the difference.
- This is not real?
- No. [chuckles]
Don't be selling bags
that are fake as hell.
These are high-quality replicas.
Have some respect for my shit.
That's the problem.
They look a little too real.
Remember Fat Phillip? Just got jammed up
for selling fake Louis Vs.
They hit him with a felony.
Nothing criminal about what I do.
Kanye thinks I'm stealing from him?
- He's busy designing moccasins for NASA.
- I don't care about him. I care about you.
You can get into trouble.
That's not entirely true.
She voted for Kanye.
- You voted for Kanye?
- He's a freethinker.
The only one
that wasn't bought out by Wall Street.
- Self-made man.
- Wow.
You're a wild nigga.
You know how Mo and I became brothers?
His dad died around the same time
my pops went to jail.
- And we got tattoos of our dads' names.
- I didn't know you had one like Mo.
[man] Guess he forgot to tell you.
He also forgot that he used to drive me
to visit my pops when he was in jail.
He definitely forgot
what the inside of a jail looks like.
- Bro, chill. Nobody's going to jail.
- They'll send you back to Palestine first.
I never been to Palestine.
I don't have citizenship there,
I don't have it here.
I'm like a refugee free agent.
I don't even have a fucking passport.
All I have is my asylum claim.
- And Chanel bags.
- What are you saying?
- You got us and your family.
- Exactly.
That's why
I gotta take care of them today.
I gotta do what I gotta do
until I have my own business,
buy my own piece of land,
and do things the right way.
- You'd do terrible in jail.
- What are you saying? I'd flourish.
Form alliances,
join the Muslims, do Friday prayers.
- You cried at my cousin's quinceañera.
- It was emotional. She became a woman.
Bro, you're a big dude,
but you know you're just
cuddly.
Super cuddly.
- Facts. That's true.
- [Maria] You are, though.
But I would kill it in prison, though.
For real. I'd sell loosies,
I'd get some cigarettes from the outside,
start using the yeah, uh-huh.
- I'd start using the security guards
- You just took food to the mouth.
People who get fed by their girl,
they don't do good in prison.
It's a different situation. She's my girl.
I'm trying to give you my strategy.
- [man] Look at this.
- Chill. I'm not doing that.
- There's a plane coming. A plane.
- [laughs] Stop playing, I don't like it.
- There's a plane. Airplane. Look at you.
- [laughs]
[vibrant music playing]
Hear me now ♪
Check, check, check out my melody ♪
I got the killer flow
Call it lyrical felony ♪
I got more melanin than Melanie ♪
So motherfuck
What a fuck-boy is tellin' me ♪
I'm lit, so they inhalin' me ♪
Since I'm iller, no man be triller ♪
No woman no cry
Fuck her, I didn't feel ♪
Crystal's gonna be happy.
Take a shot of tequila ♪
Selector, come back
Rewind, now wheeler ♪
[woman] Hello, sir.
Would you like to try
some chocolate hummus?
- The fuck you say to me?
- What?
Did you say chocolate hummus?
You know what you just did?
You insulted my grandmother. Yeah.
"Fuck your lineage.
To hell with your culture."
Lo siento,
I did not know hummus was Mexican.
It's not Mexican. It's Palestinian.
You know what?
There's a lot of misinformation out there.
- It's not your fault.
- You always carry that around?
Yeah, some people carry hot sauce,
I carry olive oil.
Not just any, it's Palestinian.
Next level.
Oh, it's gonna be so good. I can't wait.
The pita's for the hummus.
[chuckles] That's not hummus.
That's a damn shit emoji.
Would you put chocolate on guacamole?
No, I don't think so.
Trust me. All right.
- Mm! Uh-huh!
- [woman] It's not bad.
It's really good.
[gunshots]
- [man 1] Look out!
- [man 2] He's got a gun!
- [man 3] Get down!
- [man 4] Someone call 911!
- [gunshots]
- [people screaming]
[sirens blaring]
[Sameer] I need you to get some
Meow Munch Original for Crystal.
[woman] Would you like
some chocolate hummus?
[man 1] Damn, he got shot in some Yeezys?
[man 2] Not the 500s Triple-black?
- What's going on?
- [medic] You fainted, sir.
What? Why does my arm hurt?
[medic] That's the bullet wound.
You were shot.
What? I got shot?
I got shot and you led with,
"You fainted"?
It's just a graze. You'll be fine
once they treat it at the hospital.
- No hospitals.
- No, sir, you were in a mass shooting.
- You're in shock. You need a hospital
- I said no hospitals.
It's not a mass shooting.
Only three people got shot,
it takes four to be mass.
Yeah, but the shooter also got shot,
that's four people.
- So it's a mass.
- No, the shooter doesn't count.
Hey, assholes,
I'm refusing medical attention.
I'm uninsured. I'm not paying $5000
for an ambulance ride. No fucking way.
[groans]
Well, Bilal, that brings us down
to three victims.
I guess it's definitely not a mass now.
[Mo groans]
[panting]
Goddamn you, Crystal,
and your fucking Meow Munch!
You're really lucky, man.
This just missed your brachial artery.
- [Mo] I got shot!
- Bro, you got grazed.
- A bullet went through my arm. I got shot.
- Here, man, hit that.
I don't mess with lean.
Took too many Houston legends,
Pimp C, Big Moe, DJ Screw.
Does it look like we trying to get lit?
For the pain.
You have something I can bite down on?
[screaming]
All right, fuck it.
Hey, slow down. Slow down. Baby steps, Mo.
Damn.
[exhales]
Hey, I'll send you home
with a few bottles.
Should be enough to get you through.
Just mix it with soda and candy,
you're gonna be straight.
Just don't go crazy with it.
- [sighs] Thank you, bro.
- [Chien] I got you.
- How much do I owe you?
- No, you good. This one's on the house.
Crazy-ass White people.
[somber music playing]
[squeaking]
[in Arabic] I've been trying to call you
all evening, and you didn't answer.
What's happened?
- Go to sleep, Mama.
- What happened?
- Go back to sleep!
- What's going on? What are you hiding?
- Nothing.
- [gasps]
What is this?
- [in English] Nothing happened.
- [in Arabic] Talk. What happened?
[in English] I got attacked by a stray
dog. That's all. Pit bulls are everywhere.
No. Mohammed.
[in Arabic] Say the truth. What happened?
[in English] I got shot, okay?
- Shot?
- Yes.
Sit.
[Mo groans]
Who shot you?
Did a gang bang you?
[scoffs] I didn't get gang banged, Ma.
I was grocery shopping
for Sameer's cat food,
some crazy White guy came in,
started shooting.
[grunts] Be careful.
[in Arabic] Don't worry. Don't worry.
[in English] Don't worry, Mo.
Hamdulilah, it's only a graze.
Just clean it and take off
this shirt when you go
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is that?
- Just calm down.
- Hamoodi, what is that?
- A tattoo, Mohamad?
- I got shot, and you focus on the tattoo?
- [in Arabic] What's wrong with you?
- [in English] A graze will heal.
But a tattoo,
is a disgrace on your life forever.
- Of course!
- You even know what's on it? What is it?
Look at it.
[somber music playing]
[sighs] I got it four years
after he passed away.
[in Arabic] Baby, sweetheart.
[in English] Before you were born,
we barely got out of Palestine,
then alhamdulillah, we escaped Kuwait.
And now we are safe here in America.
And, sweetheart,
you come shot while shopping for cat food.
- What is this? Sweetheart
- [Sameer] Oh, Hamoodi
You won't believe this,
but Crystal started eating
Perfect Portions, so
never mind the Meow Munch.
[laughs]
[sighs]
Oh, shit.
[meows softly]
[singing in Arabic]
[boy shouts]