Mohawk Girls (2014) s01e01 Episode Script

1 That's the last of it.
Did you dress up to meet my aunt? I always look this good It's pretty cool that you moved in with her, so that she won't be alone? Thanks.
It's the right thing to do, you know, with my uncle parading around town with that arm candy.
Yeah, Randy's little sister? What is she, 19? That's just gross.
And so disrespectful to your aunt.
I do, I do, I do! You're Mohawk and you're amazing.
When I'm ready to have kids, I am coming for your sperm.
Maybe we should have a practice run.
Oh yeah? Bailey, I'm home.
Thunder, I presume.
Nice to finally meet you.
Auntie velma, why don't we get dressed and then I can introduce you guys properly.
Okay, sure.
Auntie! Okay, okay.
I sure hope things work out between you two.
Thanks.
But if it doesn't, I'm always free.
[Opening theme music.]
mohawl girls - 01x01 welcome to our world day one of my move back to the rez! Well, not really a move back.
Used to come here as a kid to visit my dad's family but haven't been here since he was since I was eleven.
Um, behind me is the old village, and I do remember that.
And this is oh, I don't remember monster trucks here before Woah, oh my God.
Hey, excuse me, um, when did you guys get condos here? - That's somebody's house! - What?! Weirdo.
Woah.
I think I'm gonna give myself a new highlight.
Maybe pink? Something fab.
Something me.
Who is he? Uh, there's no guy.
Okay, there's a guy.
But I am not telling you.
You are just going to judge.
I wouldn't! Unless it was judge-worthy.
Coffee please.
Iced coffee.
And carrot cake please.
Must be lonely up on mount judgemore, miss perfect.
I just can't stand all the awful things outsiders say about us.
We need to be beyond reproach.
Okay, okay, there's no audience here, so you can just give it a rest okay? My point is we can't just do whatever we want.
Or go to bed with whomever! Speaking of bed, check this out.
Myrezlove.
com.
You should totally check it out.
Come on, you need a little bit of romance in your life.
Plus it might help loosen you up a little bit.
Yeah, right, and meet some axe murderer? No thanks.
Oh.
My.
God.
There is some crazy hat girl out there.
Have you seen her? Who the hell is that? Where does she think she is "Sex & the City?" Hat girl is a freak! Are you sure you're ready for this? Cause my dad can be Just, just don't let him get to you.
Be strong.
But don't be too strong.
Don't worry, it'll be fine.
At least I'm dressed this time.
So whatever happened to holding hands? Dad this is Thunder.
How's it going? I heard you met my sister already.
You know back in my day, a girl would need a ring for you to get that far.
Yeah, it's a little early for Bailey and I, but, maybe down the road Dad! Hatskwi, I'm only teasing him.
You can take it.
Can't you, Cloudy? It's Thunder.
And that depends On what? If you can take it too.
Ooh, I like this one.
So tell me, um, Thunder, who are your parents? Joe and Catherine Montour.
Ah, Joe and Catherine.
Good family.
Too good.
You and Bailey are second cousins.
What? The Edge.
Now.
Can't.
Still at work.
Bailley! Emergency! - What's going on? - Thunder's her second cousin.
Oh my God.
Didn't you check? Of course I checked! My auntie said there was no family connection.
But my dad just told me that my great uncle or something, on his deathbed, admitted to a secret affair with Thunder's grandmother before she got married.
And they had a baby, Thunder's dad.
So Thunder's dad is my uncle's son.
Bottom line, Thunder and I are second cousins! Uh, maybe being with your cousin isn't so bad? Third, fourth cousins maybe.
But second cousins, no way! There are twenty thousand of us left, right? And we all have big families.
We can all trace back to being cousins some way or another.
I'm just saying [Wedding sounds-cheering.]
I'm not having troll babies with my second cousin! I can't believe I have to start all over again.
What the hell?? I'm giving you one warning, Caitlin.
You stay away from Butterhead.
What? I would never I mean it, ya slut.
Okay, so I hooked up with him.
What were you thinking? Vicky is crazy.
- Do not mess with her.
- And he's gross.
No he's not! And they're not even together anymore okay, they broke up.
He just hasn't moved out yet.
See, I told you, you would judge.
But you don't even know him, okay? He's sweet.
And he's gorgeous.
And he could have any girl that he wants and he chose me.
This town is too small.
How are we supposed to rebuild the Mohawk nation if all the guys around here are either Butterheads or cousins? What about This is fun! Yeah, the dating site for axe murderers.
Whoa, there are so many guys! - What's the point? - I mean they probably live far away.
Oh wait stop on that one.
He is cute! Hey girls, what's up? Here's the thing you need to know about me, alright? For me, family is everything.
So if you wanna see if you and me can be family Then come by the Petrie Correctional Facilities.
I get out in like 10 days.
Alright, show me some love! Hey, and don't be late, alright.
I hate that! Next.
He looks good.
I'm well-educated, attractive, have a great job and am looking for a like-minded woman to rock my world.
Purely fun and sex.
No strings attached.
Next! That's the guy from the coffee shop! Hi girls.
You may have seen me on the Powwow trail.
I'm newly single and want to show you my moves.
I've got great rhythm and my drum is big, or so I've been told.
How about a little preview Ewww! He touches our food.
Okay, see? Butterhead's not so bad after all.
They're all the same everywhere.
Except Thunder.
I'm gonna be alone forever! Hello! My tota said I could just walk in.
She told me there were some cool girls here so I came to introduce myself.
I'm Anna.
Oh, you're Ruth's granddaughter? The one from New York So your mom's white? Yeah! I'm going to live here and go to university in Montreal.
It's awesome that it's so close, and McGill has a great philosophy program.
Philosophy! That's indulgent.
You should be studying something that will help our people.
She is not our people.
Caitlin! Well, I'm going to a friend's party in the city and I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to come.
Okay.
Well, I'll see you around I guess.
Hey.
A word of advice that outfit might work in New York but around here, you gotta tone it down a notch.
Or ten.
Can't you at least let the girl settle in before we attack her? Did you see what she was wearing? Who just walks in someone's house like that? Hold on! What? It's a small town.
We're just not used to this.
The girls are nice enough.
They'll come around.
So you're going to the city? Yeah.
Where I won't be mocked and insulted.
Can I come? I really need to get out of here for a while.
Are you going to leave your wisecracks to yourself? Promise.
- You going to go like that? - Yeah.
Okay.
Woah, woah.
This is it? You said a party.
This is a bunch of people standing around.
This looks lame.
It looks like a party to me! There's Leon.
I met Leon in New York like a few years ago.
Before he moved here.
He's awesome.
And he's so cute! Come on.
Leon! So good to see you baby girl.
Oh my God, you look amazing.
I took a class on kant back in the day The critique of proofs on the existence of God.
Still not sure what that means.
I'm really excited to explore nihilism and existentialism.
Philosophy really challenges one's traditional paradigm of thought, eh? I know! Oh my God, totally.
It makes me want to go back, like Didn't you fail the first time? No (Laughs) Hey.
So Anna tells me you're Mohawk.
Yeah, yeah.
You're so lucky not to pay taxes, way to scam the system! If anyone is scamming, it is your people! Your ancestors showed up all half-dead and pathetic.
What do my people do, huh? Hey, we teach you, we accept you, we welcome you.
And what do your people do? You betray us over and over and over again and now you have the best rental deal in history.
So your people are the lucky ones! Ow! Sorry, sorry, are you okay? Watch where you point that thing! I presume you're talking about the guitar case? I hope you're not leaving.
Yeah, I'm leaving.
Oh well stay, have another drink.
You shouldn't go out injured, it could be dangerous.
Yeah, well it could be more dangerous if I stay.
Are you scaring away my guests? This is your place.
Yeah.
Well actually my friend Leon came to crash about a year ago and he never left, so I guess it's our place now.
But stay! Please, I'll show you around, I'll give you the tour.
And no that's not some lame attempt to try to get you into the bedroom, alright? So you're sure you don't want to come out tonight? Have a little bit of fun? Believe it or not, there are more important things than just having fun.
Lame-o! You know the only kind of guys you are going to attract like that are the bad ones! Kay, you deserve so much more.
Thanks, mom.
I'm serious! Butterhead's a dog.
I hope you're not planning to To what? To find a man? To fall in love? To have all these cute little babies that will love me forever? Yeah, I'm looking for that.
I can't wait for that.
[Guitar playing.]
And that's all I've got.
Not bad.
If you like the whole charming, talented musician thing.
Yeah well in my one semester in law school, I learned one very important thing.
And that is to flee.
I just realized that I wouldn't be happy unless I was writing music.
You know, and what's the point of doing anything if you're not happy, right? So now I play gigs with my friends when we can.
We actually have some pretty serious fans.
Like three of them, but really really serious.
What about you, I mean, what's your scoop? Are you from here originally? Yeah.
I'm from Kahnawake.
I'm Mohawk.
Oh wow.
Yeah I don't pay taxes, deal with it.
Okay.
I actually, I don't really know a lot about your culture.
But I would love to learn.
I'm a very good pupil.
Well I'm a very strict teacher.
Oh yeah, well I will bring an apple.
It's going to take more than that to get an A-plus.
Like what? A white guy! Everyone will call you a traitor.
You'll get kicked off the rez! I'd be so ashamed! I can't wait to tell everybody! Traitor! What don't you understand? I can't date a white guy.
Seriously? Yeah, seriously.
And neither can you.
Or a black guy.
But why? Look, I didn't write the rules.
Me and Leon are just friends anyway.
Look, tonight was fun.
I needed an escape and I got one.
But it's back to reality.
And if you want be part of it, this whole free spirit, snooty cocktail thing, it's gotta go.
Mohawks are tough, we're warriors.
I can be tough too! Purely fun and sex, no strings attached.
Hey! What happened? Oh, nothing! Okay, it's not mine.
[Outside.]
Get your ass out here Caitlin! Uh, so I hooked up with Butterhead again, but he was really sweet this time, until he puked on me.
You're going to pay for messing around with my man, ya skank! Bring it on, Vicky, it's two against one.
- Come on! - No way.
Fine.
I can do this myself.
- Caitlin! - You.
Crazy.
Bitch.
You locked the door? You chicken shit.
I'm not afraid of you Vicky.
Well prove it! Come down here and say it to my face, ya skank.
Butterhead is not yours anymore, Vicky! He's mine! Let's go! (Yelling) Eee! Stop, leave my neighbour alone.
Get the hell out of here hat girl and go back to where you belong! I belong here! Oh yeah? (Yelling) Hey, hey, break it up! Vicky, we warned you last night already.
But she started it.
Yeah, well, we're bringing you in this time.
When I get out I'm coming for you, hat girl! You mess with her, you mess with all of us.
Are you okay? This place is really different from what I remember.
My parents denied it.
But even if we are second cousins, it's not like we grew up together.
It's not like we're family-family, and I want to be with you, Bailey.
I miss you.
I miss you too.
No.
I really do have to start all over.
I'll see you around Cuz.
What did he say? I have to go inside.
You're covered in barf, though, - I don't want you to touch me.
- Ew! Oh my God! Music