Moonshine (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
(RECORD CRACKLING)
(LIGHT CLICK)
("BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYS)
♪♪♪
Seems as though I've lived my life ♪
On the bad side of the moon ♪
To stir your dregs
and sittin' still ♪
Without a rustic spoon ♪
Now come on people, live with me ♪
Where the light has never shone ♪
And the harlots flock
like hummingbirds ♪
I don't understand
why Psycho gets to drive!
You don't even have a licence.
This is Nova Scotia.
There's no one on the roads.
I am on the roads.
This is oppression!
This is my life,
this is my life, my life ♪
NORA: This is Nora
Finley-Cullen at Cove FM,
and where do I begin
with the summer fun?
You can catch the male-forward
stylings
of the Moonshine House Band
this Saturday night.
Stay tuned for the family smackdown.
My big sis, Lidia, is back in town.
- (STRESSED EXHALE)
- Welcome home, sucker.
Or if you feel like saying
goodbye to Felicia Finley,
and I know you don't,
her memorial is this Sunday
at the Moonshine,
followed by a lobster supper.
All you can eat.
Sittin' on the bad side
of the moon ♪
(MOANING)
This is my life,
this is my life, my life ♪
(MOANING GROWS LOUDER)
(SQUEALS)
This is my life,
this is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my
life, my life ♪
(LAUGHING, CHATTERING)
This is my life, this is my life, ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life, ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, This is my life, ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
(VACATIONERS LAUGH AND CHATTER)
No, I'm sorry, the
weekend is fully booked.
No, we don't do online reservations.
Well, I like to vet
our guests personally.
It is quaint.
Yes, I'm writing your number down now.
(KETTLE CLANKS)
First in line if anything
should come up.
(SIGHS)
- Didn't like the sound of him.
- You seen Rhian, Hon?
Number Eight needs mowing.
No, and you don't want to
when her sister shows up.
Rhian doesn't know Lidia's coming?
Slipped my mind.
- Ryan?
- MIA.
Outhouses need painting,
the golf cart's brakes are shot,
and the septic's backed up.
And the lobster pound's calling,
- looking for their cheque.
- And we're full up.
So it's all good.
No clue where Lidia
and the kids are gonna sleep.
And you know how she is.
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
- How is she?
- (LAUGHS)
- ELEANOR: Grandpa! Grandma!
- Hello!
- Hey!
- Uncle Sammy!
Hey Grandpa, how ya doin'?
- It's so good to be home!
- Oh, is it now?
It was when I practiced that line.
(ALL LAUGH)
Don't leave me alone with them.
Neil! Neil Young!
- Neil, come here, boy!
- I got it.
- Okay.
- Is it fair he gets a pet?
No! What do I get? Not a car.
Oh, just like your mother at that age.
- I'm nothing like my mother.
- Exactly like your mother.
I'm talking about these two.
- Where's Daniel?
- Business is nuts.
He's trying for a standby
outta Newark.
Well, I bought your brothers
and sisters a subscription
- to that magazine.
- Mom.
Celebrity architects in the family.
- They're proud.
- Yeah, did they say that?
(LAWNMOWER WHIRS, CLANKS)
(LAWNMOWER CREAKS)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
Great to see you too, Rhian.
No fighting this weekend.
Aunt Felicia deserves
a peaceful send-off.
♪♪♪
How do you feel about
a room with a view?
(WOMAN LAUGHS DISTANTLY)
♪♪♪
(GRASS RUSTLES)
It feels like a meth trailer.
We're here for two days.
Oh, journals. Juicy!
Wait, is this
Meth trailer horror movie!
Are these her ashes?
Hmm, well, it was-is her home.
No wonder she lived alone.
She lived alone because
she was a shunned lesbian
with undiagnosed bipolarism,
forced to turn to grain alcohol
and "Jeopardy!" to cope.
Makes sense you ran away.
Going to college is not running away.
And yet, you never came back.
Out of respect for your grandparents,
for the next 48 hours,
we are proud Finley-Cullens.
Capisce?
A six-pack, and
a potato gun? Ha, ha!
Now we're talkin'! (CRASHES) Boom!
This is my life, this is my life, ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, This is my life, ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
(FIREWORKS BOOM, CROWD CHEERS)
(PAPER RUSTLES)
(MUFFLED CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYING)
(PAPER RUSTLES, EXHALES)
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE)
(FIREWORKS WHISTLE)
(MUFFLED BOOMS)
Ugh!
(MUFFLED CHEERING)
(FIREWORKS BOOM)
(MUFFLED CHEERING)
(BOOK RUSTLES)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(DOG GROANS)
(SOFT KISS)
(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS IN THE DISTANCE)
(FLOOR CREAKS)
(COVERS RUSTLING)
Eleanor!
Ah! Oh! Wha-? Ohh!
(GASPS) Ewwww!
Ohh! (SIGHS)
(FIREWORKS BOOM, CHEERING)
(LAUGHING AND HOLLERING)
Oh, let's go!
So Rhian thought I had
anchored the wharf.
Wait! Lidia thought that he had
Oh, I'm sorry, you go!
I just love this part.
- Turns out, no one did.
- No one!
Before we knew it,
we were halfway to Chester
with nothin' but a Nor'easter,
and one mother of a bong!
(RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)
Lidia! I'm tellin' 'em
about the floating wharf!
Everyone, this is my
beautiful sister, Lidia.
Big-time New York architect.
Gonna be on the cover of a magazine.
- ALL: Lidia! Yeah!
- (CLAPPING)
Nice night for a bonfire,
except it's 3:00 in the morning.
There's no clock on the
beauty of human connection.
I have heard so much about you!
You are nothing like Rhian described.
You are so pretty.
- Bed, now!
- (HUFFS)
Come on, Lids, let's all
swim out to the wharf,
- like old times.
- Yeah!
How 'bout you not drown my child?!
I'm just showin' her
who our people are.
Oh, everyone knows who our people are.
It-it's true, babe. They do.
MAN: Whoa, look out!
Watch out! Watch out!
- Get outta the way!
- Brakes!
- Somebody help-ah! Oh! Aaah! Oh!
- (THUDS)
- Ohhh
- WOMAN: Oh, my gosh!
I heard a crunch.
Did you hear a crunch?
WOMAN: Get it off him!
- I'll take the front.
- It never changes around here.
Well, with time, support,
and regular meetings!
Not buying the rehab schtick, Ry.
No, me neither, I'm not
really an AA kinda guy.
No, you take pride
in being a screw up!
- Better than a fun sponge!
- Three, two, one! Oh!
Ugh!
(SPECTATORS GASP)
Ah (SIGHS)
- Hey!
- (ALL CHEER, CLAPPING)
- WOMAN: Woo! Yeah!
- LIDIA: Sir? You okay?
I can't feel my face.
- Now you got a story to tell!
- (CHUCKLES)
- MAN: Woo!
- Aaah!
(SIRENS BLARE DISTANTLY)
(SIREN WAILS, APPROACHING)
Ambulance. That was fast.
(SIREN WAILS)
- Mom. Dad!
- PARTYGOERS: (CONCERNED MURMURS)
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(SIGN CREAKS)
(BEADS JINGLING)
Ah minor stroke.
No nerve damage, as far
as the doc can tell.
A stroke?
Yeah, the stress of losing
Felicia, I guess.
That and mixing wine with
the old blood pressure meds.
Blood pressure? Hold on,
did you know she was sick?
No, 'cause no one tells me
anything around here.
Ask Nora, she's your sister.
Oh yeah, my sister
when there's a crisis.
Uh, this place is a crisis,
every damn day!
You're a freakin' tourist.
Uninvited, I might add!
Okay, we still have
a business to run, right?
So, I'll cover the desk, the phones.
Good. Your Mum needs quiet. No stress.
And keep the riffraff out.
- Well, that narrows it down.
- Uh, the injured camper?
All good. Until the screech wears off.
I will deal with the roadkill.
BEA: Lidia?
RYAN: Oh, she's awake.
Good luck?
Oh, favourite daughter.
♪♪♪
I should kill you myself.
It was a mini stroke.
You know, like those tiny
little Halloween Kit Kats.
(LAUGHS) One, two, doesn't count.
Mom, I know we don't talk much,
but you need to tell me these things.
Oh, you have enough to worry about
with the kids, your work,
your marriage.
- (DISHES CLATTER)
- My marriage is fine!
"Standby outta Newark."
If that is not a code for
bullshit, I don't know what is.
You don't need to know
every little thing
that happens around here.
Ryan, back in rehab,
Nora appears to have abandoned
ship, Aunt Felicia, dead.
Anything else I don't need to know?
Kimmy from Save Easy
sent over some Oolong.
- Yeah, that'll help.
- You're right.
(KETTLE CLATTERS)
Let's spend the weekend
settling old scores.
Dig up the hatchet.
Life happens, Lidia.
And then, you pretend it didn't.
No, you get on with it,
one day at a time.
Look, maybe it's time to slow down.
You've always wanted to go
to Nepal, see the pyramids.
I've never wanted either
of those things.
But what if you did? Do you wanna die
- behind that reception desk?
- Me on a camel. (CHUCKLES)
Well, then, learn Mandarin,
collect skulls, start a cult.
Mom, if you sold the Moonshine,
you'd have the money
to take it easy, retire.
Who'd buy this old sinkhole?
I don't know, same kind
of suckers who bought it
the first time around?
Piss off, dear.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
♪♪♪
NORA: We'll continue
our chat with hometown
celebrity architect, Lidia Bennett,
after this not-so-classic masterpiece
of mandatory CanCon.
(SWITCH CLICKS)
So did you know Mom was sick?
I only found out because
I was stealing downers,
and found her blood pressure pills,
which she then tried to pass
off as laxatives.
What is it about this family
and denial?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
(SCOFFS) It's geographical cyanide
The Moonshine killed Aunt Felicia,
and now it's killing our parents.
Rhian would kill them if
meant she'd get to take over.
Oh yeah, and her first day as boss,
she'd fire the rest of the family
and build an effigy
of herself on the lawn.
(SIGHS) Maybe now
that Ryan's outta rehab?
Yeah, perhaps not.
- Sammy?
- Yeah, sure, crush his dreams.
You could lend a hand.
But it's a people job. I hate people.
- What about you?
- Me?
Here? Yeah! I'll be lucky
if I survive the weekend.
The last thing I do
is take over the
- Is that a hickey?
- No!
It is! It's a hickey!
- Oh my God, are you 16?
- Shut up!
Now I know why you weren't
picking up the phone.
- You don't know anything.
- Hmm!
- Is it serious? Tell me.
- Ugh!
Fred the ferry man? Septic Stan?
First cousin?!
- Married.
- Oh!
- True love.
- Your Finley-Cullen
dysfunction is my
Finley-Cullen dysfunction,
just with better shoes.
You're like some demented
tornado chaser.
Yeah, maybe, but this tornado
has a massive dick,
which I would chase
all the way to PEI, baby!
(KNOCKING)
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh, right.
(LAUGHS)
Ooooh, and now a word
from Pepe's Pizza on the Shore Road!
("FLY AT NIGHT" BY CHILLIWACK PLAYS)
♪♪♪
Well, we fly by night
it's like a rocket flight ♪
And baby, that's
just what it's for ♪
(MOTOR RUMBLES)
Yeah, we fly by night
it makes you feel all right ♪
You keep coming back for more ♪
(TOWELS THUD)
We're really very sorry
about the golf cart incident.
And if there's anything
that we can do
Oh, water, for the shower?
Uh
Oh, Rhian Finley-Cullen.
I'm Oscar Wallace.
Oscar with the no water,
and the Moonshine-inflicted
injury-Wallace.
Ha, it's fine.
I'm fine! I shouldn't have been
underneath that golf cart
in the first place. (LAUGHS)
I'll see about getting you
that shower.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(SIGHS)
Pissy little bitch.
(INSECTS BUZZING)
What the
(INSECTS BUZZING)
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(FOLIAGE RUSTLES)
(LEAVES RUSTLE)
(HOSE THUDS, DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Huh?
(SNIFFS)
♪♪♪
(SCREAMS) Ryaaaaan!
New revenue stream?! What's your plan,
dispensary at the fish and chip shop?!
- Are you using again?
- Only professionally.
Magic mushrooms are illegal!
We could lose our licence.
I was gonna tell you.
Part of my commitment
- to honest communication.
- Tell me what,
that you stole the lobster
money to buy gear
- for your grow-op?!
- Uh, no!
I borrowed the lobster money to
buy gear for my grow-op,
and Crystal loaned me the rest!
She hooked me up with this sweet deal.
Is Rehab-Ho-Bambi gonna bail
us outta jail, too?!
You're married to a cop.
Figure it out.
LIDIA: Hey, sorry I'm late,
I couldn't find
- where Dad moved the paint.
- Behind the propane shed.
Now she's painting things?
Uh, I need something to keep me busy,
other than yelling at Mom.
Uh, by the way, you won't
recognize the outhouse.
Ooh, did you hire a fancy
New York doorman,
and I hope you checked
with the co-op board.
What's so urgent even
wise-ass showed up?
Felicia's will.
She left a will?
Huh! Who inherits her bar tab?
- Ah, that would be me.
- Okay!
- Yep, alcoholic.
- Well
this shouldn't take long.
(PAPER RUSTLES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(READS) "I, Felicia Finley,
being of sound mind and body"
ALL: Hah!
"Do solemnly swear this
is my last and only
will and testament.
To Bea and Ken, I leave my trailer."
- Ours to begin with.
- "To Nora, my ham radio."
Baller! I always wanted that sucker.
"To Ryan, my golf cart,
since his brakes are for shit."
Sweet!
"Sammy, my hatchback.
Brakes also for shit."
Dreams do come true.
To Rhian, my luggage.
Since you know that kind,
decent husband
will kick you out at some point.
- Okay, are we done here?
- OTHERS: Ooh!
As for my piece of The Moonshine
- What?
- What?
Uh, when we were strapped for cash,
we used to pay her with shares.
How many shares?
43 percent!
ALL: (GASPS) Oh! What?
Which I leave to my least-hated niece.
(GASPS)
- Lidia.
- RHIAN: Oh!
♪♪♪
Are you kidding me?!
- Ohhh! Oh! Oh!
- (LAUGHS)
Uh
(THUD, RECEDING FOOTSTEPS)
May she finally turn this shithole
into something worth a damn.
- BEA: No way
- (PLAYING CHORDS ON PIANO)
(LOUD, DISSONANT NOTES)
What?
NORA: It is gonna be a scorcher today.
You can expect sizzling 30 degrees,
with a UV index of,
take your clothes off,
'cause yeah, it's only
gonna get hotter.
Rhian! Rhian, please stop!
You know there was nothing sound
about Aunt Felicia's mind,
or her body!
Perfect Lidia with her perfect life
gets what she wants,
whenever she wants;
- to hell with everybody else!
- You think I asked for this?
(ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
You've always wanted what's mine.
- Not true!
- Lower bunk.
- I was afraid of heights!
- My prom date?
He had an ex-wife and kids.
You should be thanking me!
(EXHALES) Rhi, please!
This is not a me-versus-you thing!
No, it's a you-versus
Ryan-Sammy-Nora-and-me thing.
You lost your right to
this place when you left.
(SIGHS)
I'll talk to Mom and Dad.
I'm gonna fix this, I swear!
This is how the war starts, Lidia.
No, I'm sorry, it's already started!
I'm already snorkel-deep
in the shit trench,
and a sniper's fart
from takin' you down!
(ENGINE RUMBLES)
(REVS ENGINE)
Oh!
(EXHALES HEAVILY) Arghhh!
CRYSTAL: Ryan, who kissed Rhian's butt
to get a job cleaning cabins,
so she could help you
- with your grow-op?
- You did.
Okay, and who drove you around
- when you lost your licence?
- Which time?
Oh, uh, when we went
to see the skinny singer.
Celine Dion!
Right, right, right, right, right!
And who-who stuck by you
when you got fired by your own father,
and then helped you write
your "I'm sorry, Daddy" speech,
because that is what you do
when you're part of a team,
and one team member can't pay
their half of the rent!
- Crystal!
- No, let me finish, okay?
It is important
that I am able to express
my authentic feelings, and be heard!
(SIGHS)
Right! Oh! Okay, sorry.
(GIGGLES) Um, no.
I just um oh! I-okay.
I was thinking that if Lidia
doesn't want her shares,
maybe we could have them?
Us?
- Uh huh. Yeah!
- Run this place?
But you don't even like it here!
Well yeah, no, but if we're ever gonna
get respect and be something
We have to respect ourselves
and strive to be better.
This could be our chance
to accomplish stuff.
- Like, we could be in charge.
- Oh!
Yeah, and I know, like,
Lidia's on like,
- a whole 'nother level.
- Yeah.
But that level could be ours, too.
Like, don't you wanna be
on that level?
- Yeah!
- Yeah! Me, too!
Do my back?
♪♪♪
Ah, my good luck amp.
Been with me longer than my wife.
- Ha! Which one?
- Moncton Money, Rush '82.
- Signals Tour.
- Hey, kid knows his stuff.
You in a band?
Uh, I don't really perform.
Oh, tragic waste of hair, man.
Finn, here, is the family savant.
I compose, mostly.
Just classical.
My Dad wants me to apply to Juilliard.
Yeah, that'll get ya laid.
This coming from the guy
who hasn't changed his set list
- in I don't know, 30 years?
- Well, we're in a cover band!
Yeah, please teach this
burnout some new tricks.
I dunno, I kinda like the old stuff.
Huh? Hey, we need some help
backstage with the show
tomorrow night, tune some guitars,
fetch some beer, and uh,
fend off the groupies!
That sounds lit.
- Kid thinks I'm lit.
- (CHUCKLES)
Ah
(EXHALES NOISILY)
Is she smoking?!
- Mom!
- I don't wanna hear it.
Maybe you could time things.
We can bury you with Felicia
on Sunday, save me a trip.
Anything else you'd like to discuss?
Yes, actually. Aunt Felicia's will.
I don't know what she was thinking.
- Huh, did anyone?
- I need to talk to a lawyer,
get those shares back to you and Dad,
or-or split them up between
Ryan and Rhian, Nora.
Good idea.
Mom, I live in New York,
I have the kids, I have the firm.
I can't be responsible for this place.
(READS) "The future of clean design:
Bennett Architecture."
And who is that?
Our associate, Marcie.
Somebody's got eyes for Daddy.
♪♪♪
Standby outta Newark?
- (HURRIED FOOTSTEPS THUD)
- (REGRETFUL EXHALE)
♪♪♪
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- Ah, you made it.
Pfft, barely.
I see we got the executive
suite. Any perks?
Yep, Aunt Felicia's journals.
Everything you never wanted
to know about Fox Den.
Turns out she had a lover named Jill.
Oh, and um
the dead woman's on the shelf.
Ugh. How is your mother?
Fine. Maybe. Who knows?
Ugh! But she did make sure
everyone in town
got a copy of this.
As she should.
What?
Oh, I just wish you would've
chosen a cover photo
where the intern wasn't
eye-banging my husband.
Come on! She's a kid.
It's not a thing.
Does she know it's not a thing,
because the magazine cover
doesn't know it's not a thing.
This magazine cover
just got us two new clients.
- Really?
- Yes!
A MoMA extension, and a Getty.
Changed our flight so we could
hit the ground running,
- first thing Monday.
- Wow, okay.
- That's something.
- Yeah, it's our something.
You and me.
I'm sorry.
Just being around my family
makes me nuts!
(CHUCKLES)
The sooner I'm outta here, the better.
(CHAINS JANGLE, PUNCHING THUDS)
(GRUNTS WITH EFFORT)
(THUDDING, BREATHING HEAVILY)
Do you want supper before the dance?
Gotta work. Lobster isn't
gonna boil itself to death.
Not that I should be doing
anything with the lobster,
since we can't pay for it,
since my idiot brother
spent the money on drugs.
Pretend I didn't hear that.
It's not Lidia's fault
that Felicia left her
half of this place.
She said she'd fix this.
Things don't get fixed
around her, Ter.
They get patched,
stop-gapped, jerry-rigged,
duct-taped, and then they
explode all over again,
and there is raw sewage
on the dance floor.
You're not always a victim, Rhi.
Nope. Just the afterthought.
(HARD PUNCHING THUDS)
(PANTING) I'm the queen
of summer fun, goddammit!
Not Lidia, me! (HARD PUNCH)
Mom is sick, Dad is 70.
They still have a majority.
What would it take to get
power of attorney?
I'm gonna grab a slice.
- Ter!
- (FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH)
Oh, for Christ's sakes!
You know I'm off carbs!
(GRUNTS)
(CRICKETS CHIRP)
(WAVES LAP)
(MUSIC PLAYS, PEOPLE CHEER)
- MAN: Come on, yeah!
- WOMAN: Yeah!
Everybody get up and dance!
Always this busy?
Only game in town.
Same original crowd,
same original smell.
You know, the guy at the door
told me you used
to race around this place
in a red convertible.
You called it The Lobster.
He said, "Once she got
her claws into you"
Cherry B. God, I loved that car.
'Til I didn't.
(LOUD KNOCKING)
Finn, come on!
(KNOCKING)
You too, huh?
Door guy just took my fake ID.
My brother's in there,
and won't let me in.
Yet another example of the patriarchy
shitting on my social life.
You're a Finley-Cullen, right?
My Mom is. Was.
Not by choice.
Can your Mom get us in?
I once bought a vape pen
from a senior at school,
she sent a DEA agent to his house.
(BANGING)
(DOOR CLICKS OPEN)
What?
You think I wouldn't hook
a brother up, if he asked?
You mean your "psycho"
brother? I'm working.
Come on!
Hey, I'm Michael.
- Finn.
- I'm a Lotta fun, Finn.
Uh look, this is a bar,
and I'm not even old enough to
be here,
so I'm sorry.
- Whatever. It's cool.
- No, it's not!
(DOOR SLAMS)
What's the point of family
if they can't help you
do illegal shit?
Well, I scored this bad boy
off your Uncle Ryan.
Big deal. I want some action.
Do you know lobsters eat
each other alive?
That's what happens when
you jail living creatures.
You deny them their right
to roam free,
they go all cannibal.
It's their only form of protest.
They can oppress us.
Can't incarcerate our souls.
♪♪♪
(SIZZLES)
Yeah.
Isn't that right, little buddies?
(SIZZLES)
Okay, so, we made our appearance.
Time to go?
I promised Finn we'd stay
to hear the band.
Finn's with the band?
Daniel, he's coiling cable.
- He's with family.
- Yeah, he's with your family!
(BAND PLAYS, CROWD CHEERS)
Ohhhh I need you ♪
Dance?
(SCOFFS) Not without booze.
(CROWD CHEERS)
- Wooo! (APPLAUSE)
- Okay!
(CELL PHONE DINGS)
(CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
BRUCE: You may remember this
one from back in the day.
I'm not sure I do, though.
(PLAYING "TIME HAS COME TODAY"
BY THE CHAMBERS BROTHERS)
♪♪♪
(SQUEALING, WHIRRING)
(TRUCK RUMBLES)
(LAUGHS)
Time has come today ♪
The industrial crustacean
complex will not oppress you
anymore, little guys!
(BOTH LAUGH)
Woo!
I don't care what others say ♪
They say we don't listen anyway ♪
Time has come today ♪
Hey! ♪
♪♪♪
Ohhh! ♪
The room has changed today ♪
You okay?
Nope. (BELCHES)
I'm thinking about the subway ♪
Hey! ♪
My love has blown away ♪
Hey! ♪
My tears have come and gone ♪
Hey! ♪
Oh, my Lord I have to roam ♪
- Come on, now!
- Hey! ♪
I have no home ♪
Hey! ♪
I have no home ♪
Hey! ♪
♪♪♪
- (ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFF PLAYS)
- WOMAN: Yeah!
♪♪♪
Now the time has come ♪
I'm not sure this the best
time to ask Lidia
- about giving us the shares.
- Why? She's having fun!
Oh, that is not fun.
That is a meltdown.
- Her husband person
- Daniel?
Yeah, he reminds me
of a guy I used to date,
the tattoo artist,
he was cheating on me with a woman
who made custom leather stuff,
and I found out halfway
through my mermaid sleeve.
That's why she has no tail?
Mhmm. It is my reminder
to never trust a man
who wears a belt more
expensive than my car.
Now the time has come ♪
My sister seems emotional,
which makes me emotional.
Care to share?
- No.
- That Gucci?
This has been a good talk,
but I'm leaving.
I don't like what you're doing to her.
I-I'm just curious,
do they give you a punch card
at rehab?
Nine stays, you get the tenth
one for free?
Daniel, leave him alone.
My God! One day with
these degenerates,
and-you know what, never mind.
- Unnnh!
- Oh!
No one calls a Finley-Cullen
a degenerate!
(ONLOOKERS LAUGH)
Except a Finley-Cullen.
Do not make this a thing.
(CROWD LAUGHS)
(LAUGHING)
Ugh!
(RYAN AND CRYSTAL LAUGH LOUDLY)
(DOOR BURST OPEN)
Daniel!
(SIGHS)
- Do you love her?
- No.
Maybe.
I don't know.
♪♪♪
Oh! Ow!
- Time has come today ♪
- CROWD: Yeah!
And when healthy communication
can't be achieved, violence
can be very effective!
You're a dead man! Ah!
- (ONLOOKERS SCREAM, SHOUT)
- Wheeee! Whoa!
- (WATER BURBLES)
- Be free!
I've been loved and put aside ♪
Time! ♪
I've been crushed
by a tumbling tide ♪
No!
Aaaah!
And my soul has been
psychedelicized ♪
Time! ♪
(LAUGHS) Oh!
Now the time has come ♪
Time! ♪
There are things to realize ♪
- Yaaaaah!
- Get out of here!
Time has come today ♪
(LIGHT CLICKS OFF)
Time has come today ♪
(PLAYS CHORDS IN HARMONY)
Time has come today ♪
Time has come today ♪
♪♪♪
Time has come today ♪
Time has come today ♪
- Yaaaaah!
- Ah!
(HARD PUNCHING THUD)
(HARD PUNCHING THUD)
(CROWD CHEERS THE BAND)
(HARD PUNCHING THUD)
(RETCHES, VOMITS LOUDLY)
(COUGHS, GASPS)
(RETCHES, VOMITS)
(SIGHS)
(LID SQUEAKS)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
(DEEP SIGHS)
(SOBS)
(WAVES LAP)
(SEAGULLS CRY)
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(BOTTLES CLANK)
(SIGHS)
I got you a present
at the church sale.
You went into a church?
You didn't burst into flames?
(CHUCKLES)
It's a cozy for your boxed wine.
Oh, I'll add it to my collection.
Is that
Yep. Mom asked me to clean
out the news stand,
and
(RIPS) every mailbox in town.
(FIRE CRACKLES)
Mom, you didn't have to
It's a little bit chilly today.
Mhmm.
Well, good a time as any
to suit up for this memorial.
Least I can do for Felicia
is not show up in a bathrobe.
So heard I missed a party last night.
Oh, I'm not even gonna ask
where you were.
- Good! That's your shitshow.
- (SIGHS)
You okay?
Am I okay?
Well, my daughter's an anarchist,
my son's so stressed
about college applications,
he's clinically depressed,
uh, my marriage might be over,
and I stole the emotional
support dog's sedatives
and washed them down with mini vodkas,
so, yeah, I'm doing great.
This is progress.
No, this is failure.
Everyone thinks my life
is some success.
It's just a goddamn mess.
Of course, it is, okay?
You're a Finley-Cullen.
It's like, our thing.
(LAUGHS)
(CLICKS)
(CASSETTE RATTLES)
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS)
Felicia wanted it simple.
A bit of food, family, no fuss.
- But if anybody has a few words,
- (YAWNS)
What the hell is she gonna do
about it now?
(LAUGHS)
Lidia.
♪♪♪
LIDIA: I, um
(EXHALES)
I haven't had much contact with
Felicia since I left home.
She scared the shit outta me.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
But this weekend,
I stayed in her trailer,
and I got to know her a little better.
Felicia didn't talk much,
but she did write.
And given the choice of "High Times,"
or her inner thoughts hmm!
So, here's what I know.
She collected the things
people left at the beach,
and cared for these memories,
until they met again.
And hair combs. Though, God knows why.
She'd always wear this hideous hat.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
(SIGHS)
She dug bad sci-fi,
Alex Trebek,
and owls, so many owls.
(LAUGHS)
She dreamt of travelling
to Nepal and Egypt,
but she never did.
She stayed here,
at the Moonshine.
Because she loved someone deeply,
and that someone loved her back.
Felicia knew what people
said about her,
but he didn't care.
It was her truth.
And she lived it.
How many of us are brave
enough to do that?
♪♪♪
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(FOOTSTEPS RUSTLE IN THE FOLIAGE)
♪♪♪
- RYAN: What?!
- (ALL LAUGH)
ALL: Oh! Here we go. Wow!
♪♪♪
♪♪♪
Up your kilt, Felicia!
(GUN CLICKS, ASHES PATTER)
(GUN CLICKS, ASHES PATTER)
(GUN CLICKS, ASHES PATTER)
(GUN CLICKS, ASHES PATTER)
(BIRDS CHIRP)
♪♪♪
- ALL: Woo! Yes! Yay!
- Alright! Woo-hoo!
(APPLAUSE)
(FAMILY CHEERS AND APPLAUDS)
(SIGHS)
♪♪♪
That eulogy.
It sounded something like
Lidia missing this place.
(CHUCKLES) Never thought
I'd see the day.
Huh! Thoughts?
Emotions?
I hope no one expects lobster.
Well, lobsters come, lobsters go.
The kids got their kicks.
She would've loved it.
(CHUCKLES)
Maybe it's time we started
taking it easy, huh?
Step back, let the kids run things.
(CHUCKLES)
Just that easy, hand over the keys.
Why not?
Do you want them to know
the truth about this place?
We can't keep secrets forever.
Well, forever is not today.
Sure. Sure.
Stop worrying, my love, I've got this.
Do ya now?
(SEAGULLS CRY)
Hi, Mom.
I'm sorry,
you know, about Felicia
and everything.
Really?
Ah! Then the rooks are exposed.
Ah, man. My pawn.
Pawns are exposed by my rook.
Bishop to D3,
I can put my knight here.
No, checkmate.
If you're thinking about
suing, don't bother.
There's nothing to take
but a bum septic,
and four decades worth
of lost and found.
Or, I suppose, you could whore
out my idiot brother.
I'm not really the litigious type.
Huh.
Okay, then.
No loitering.
(RADIO PLAYS SOFTLY)
Somewhere, somehow ♪
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
Hey.
MOIRA: How's the little fishing
trip going, Oscar?
Fishing trip? More like whale hunt.
Harpoon's locked and loaded.
No business is this dysfunctional.
I know it's them. I can feel it!
I've gone out on a limb
for you. If this screws up
It's not gonna happen.
Finley-Cullens are going down,
and it will be glorious.
I'm going to ruin their lives.
(BUTTON BEEPS)
(CAR DOOR SLAMS)
Well, we should hit the ro
Why aren't you ready?
Where are the kids?
Oh
Damn it, Daniel, the only
reason I put up with your lies
for as long as I did is
because it's my lie, too.
I pretend that things
would get better,
that we would turn a corner,
that that stupid magazine
cover would be my chance
to be seen as an equal.
My God!
All those years, supporting you.
Doing the dog work,
the bullshit bathroom renos,
kitchens, juggling the kids,
just swallowing my pride!
Even when I knew,
I knew you were sleeping
with a woman that I trained.
We-we can talk about this
when we get home. Please!
This is my home.
You can't be serious.
Moonshine is mine.
Ah, 43 percent mine.
You wanna run this dump?!
I wanna rebuild it.
We have six new client
meetings this week!
Yeah, I'm sure you
and Marcie will do just fine.
Oh, wow!
Okay, anything else?!
Yeah.
(KEYS RATTLE)
Return the car.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(CAR STARTS, RUMBLES)
(RUMBLES, GRAVEL CRUNCHES)
♪♪♪
(SIGHS)
(GRASS RUSTLES)
("THE CHAIN" BY FLEETWOOD MAC PLAYS)
Listen to the wind blow ♪
Wait, where the eff is she going?
Why isn't she in the car?
Why aren't you in the car,
Lidia?! (TAPPING)
No! No!
No! No! No! No! No!
No!
Oh! No! No!
Noooo!
And if you don't love me now ♪
You will never love me again ♪
I can still hear you saying ♪
You would never break the chain ♪
And if you don't love me now ♪
You will never love me again ♪
(LOUD SPLASH)
(WATER BURBLES)
You would never break the chain ♪
(NEVER BREAK THE CHAIN) ♪
♪♪♪
(WATER BURBLES)
(SPLASHES)