Mozart in the Jungle (2014) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
It's easier with the lips slightly wet.
In through the nose Out through the mouth.
Remember, each breath is a bridge to another breath.
Each breath is a bridge.
All right, Duncan, I think that's enough for today.
Duncan, listen to me.
Yes, Miss Rutledge.
Tomorrow's a really important day, okay? For both of us.
Everyone's coming.
Your grandmother is coming.
So can you do me a really big favor, please? Try and practice before bed just a little.
I will, certainly.
Um, did your mom leave a check? Oh.
Yeah.
- _ - _ Ew.
I hope I wasn't too fast for you.
Oh, no, I thought you were rather sluggish tonight.
After you, maestro.
- Beautiful, as always.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Joshua Bell.
Safe trip to Beijing tonight.
Well As most of you know, tonight's concert marks the final performance that I shall give as the conductor of this very fine orchestra.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, just because you won't see me here, it doesn't mean to say that I won't be here.
In fact, it's just the opposite.
I have gratefully accepted the newly minted role of executive musical director emeritus Whatever the hell that means.
Before I do go, I would just like to say a heartfelt thanks to some very special people here tonight.
They are my colleagues, my friends my family.
They are the men and women of your symphony.
Please.
And now will you please warmly welcome the woman behind the curtain, the board chairperson herself, Mrs.
Gloria Windsor? Thank you.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Thank you, Thomas, for everything.
And so as one movement ends, another must begin.
It is my honor to introduce to you someone special.
At 12 years old, he was the youngest person to ever win the Mahler Award for young conductors.
At 23, he conducted at La Scala.
At 25, he lifted the Oslo symphony out of bankruptcy and placed them amongst the finest on the world stage.
He has been courted by Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Munich, and we got him.
Please join me in welcoming a man who need only be introduced by his first name, your new conductor and musical director - Ah! - Rodrigo! Mwah.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I had to.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Does he also do children's parties? I think he's amazing.
That was a great performance tonight, maestro.
Look, Gloria, I love you, but don't ever underestimate me.
Darling, I think you go to the same hairdresser.
So I'm playing this rich-bitch gig in Sag Harbor, and the hostess is working my shaft, my balls, my shaft, my balls, and I'm totally fucking hammered off of six glasses of Riesling, and then I pass out.
- And then - Good night, boys.
- Good night.
- Good night, Cynthia.
And then chomp Hey, sexy, you going downtown? Oh, I'm sorry, Cynthia.
I'm going uptown.
Shit.
I got to be in Times Square in ten minutes.
Two-a-nights? Oh.
Oh, I remember those days.
Here, you take it.
You're fantastic.
Brroklyn, 48th.
Well, Bruno, she played you beautifully.
Bellissima, eh? Thomas, darling, over here.
- Have a good night.
- Yes.
Good night, maestro.
- Maestro.
- What? What's this? - The press release.
- Oh.
They'll need a quote from you.
but somehow we missed out on the pot of gold but we'll try best that we can to carry on My eyes! I thought that they were angels but to my surprise we climbed aboard their starship we headed for the skies singing come sail away come sail away come sail away with me, lads come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me Cynthia, you're killing me.
If it wasn't for this pretty young lady, tonight would've been a disaster.
I owe you.
- May I offer you a ride home? - Easy, Bernard.
- What's your name? - I'm Hailey.
- Hailey, you're coming with me.
- Okay.
- Deborah - You're welcome.
For what? Keeping Bernard out of your pants.
I thought I knew every oboist in town.
- I'm Cynthia.
- Cynthia Taylor, I know.
You're second cello in the New York symphony.
It's a real honor.
You drink, I hope.
To Rodrigo! Rodrigo! I just love these ideas.
They're so fresh, so innovative.
I can see.
Thomas, I'm so glad you came.
- Can we get a glass of champagne? - It won't be necessary.
I won't be staying that long.
Is this a joke? "Under the guidance of our new conductor, Rodrigo Desousa, our coming season will feature some surprising highlights, such as turning off the house lights and playing selected pieces in complete darkness.
" We hired Rodrigo to bring new ideas, a youthful point of view.
You were in on the decision.
You continue to be in on every decision that we make here.
What next? "Bring a pet to the symphony" day? Our subscribers, they're not gonna stand for Oh, put that champagne down, Sergeant Pepper.
Champagne is for celebrating, and I don't consider the erosion of a magnificent institution like this Stop being so dramatic.
I'm gonna go.
Thank you, Gloria.
Thank you.
It's been lovely.
Maestro, court, grazie.
Grazie.
Haven't you got anything to say for yourself? In English, preferably.
Emily Wu, the first violin, she played sharp 17 times in the first movement alone.
And then the horns came a bar late, which completely threw off the clarinet, and we weren't able to perceive Tchaikovsky's desired dynamic shift from bars 27 to 34.
And Bruno, Bruno Cassel, the bass player He's old.
He can barely hold his bow.
I don't know who you were torturing more me or him.
You prick.
Changes will be made.
And, maestro, I hope I don't disappoint you or the values of this great institution.
Hailey Rutledge, oboist.
Yeah, that's my parents' idea of a Christmas present, so I like the drawing.
So I have on the rocks for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- And a neat for you.
And actually, um, this round's gonna be on me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, of course.
My pleasure.
Thanks.
Cute ass, right? Totally.
I bet he's a dancer.
- They're the best.
- The best? Anecdotal evidence and my personal scientific research suggest there's a direct correlation between what a man does fora living and the way he fucks.
Mm.
Violinists, for example Yeah, come on.
They tend to come quickly.
It's all those arpeggios.
Percussionists pound you like you're in a porno.
Kind of fun for about ten minutes.
Good cardio, though.
What about them? Pianists tricky.
Typically they fall into two general groups: jazz and classical.
- I go for jazz.
- Why? Improvisation: they play off you.
Also, they're into ensembles.
_ What about, um, conductors? Too complicated.
Hailey, oboists area rare commodity these days.
Strings, on the other hand, we're like hyenas fighting over the same dead animal.
You're really good.
Thank you.
Okay, so can I get you anything else, ladies? - Your name.
- Excuse me? Your name, skinny jeans.
I'm Alex.
You look like a dancer, Alex.
Am I right? Yeah, I I am, actually ballet.
I'm training at Juilliard.
Alex, Hailey.
Hailey, Alex.
Hailey is an oboist from North Carolina.
Alex is a ballet dancer here in New York.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, yeah, you too, Hailey.
_ Uh, listen, I better be going.
Why don't you, uh, sit down and the two of you chat awhile? Oh, well, actually, we could probably share a cab, so I'm not taking a cab, but I'll call you.
- Let's stay in touch.
- Change or, uh ? - Have a fantastic time.
- Oh, thank you.
It's all good.
Your friend's awesome.
What is it, like, an $40 tip? Yeah.
You don't actually have to stay here and talk to me.
Well, hey, you know, I'm actually about to get off.
Uh, a bunch of us are probably gonna go out later.
Want to come with? Oh, I'd love that.
I just, um I have to get up so early.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
All right, well, um That's cool.
Enjoy your drink and - Drinks.
- Drinks, plural.
- - Yeah.
My loss.
This is a $350,000 cello, you asshole.
Get in.
Don't treat me like a hooker.
I shouldn't have taught you how to text.
Pop it.
Ah, my whole world is falling apart.
He's good, isn't he? Oh, well, don't tell me you wouldn't fuck him.
Oh, please.
Is this the kind of night it's gonna be? Let me out.
Forget that.
Keep going.
If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.
Yes, he's good.
He's a monster.
He's making cuts Woodwinds and Brass for now.
The union will have something to say about that.
You can't just come in and install your friends.
Oh, I doubt he has any friends.
I was him once.
You still are.
Let's get Bizet! Whoo! Oh, shit! Look who got here.
This party's about to get fucked up! You got to try my new invention.
I call it the "ganjanome.
" Nice.
Okay, I'm gonna go to bed.
Oh, just stay up a while.
Have a drink, relax, you know, go fucking apeshit.
- You go fucking apeshit.
- I am fucking apeshit! Listen, hot guys are on their way over.
Do you want me to save you one? No.
Well, there's a flutist out here, and he wants to play you in "showdown," and he thinks he's awesome, but I think you can destroy him.
No.
He said the oboe was an undernourished clarinet.
Fuck you, love you, goodnight, Lizzie.
Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! I hate you guys.
All right, okay.
Everybody shut up.
Final bets.
Oh, 20, all right.
Place your bets.
Final bets.
- Whoo! Romantic, baby.
- Two shots.
Two shots! Two shots! This is the piano arrangement.
It doesn't matter.
Boom.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Oh.
- Baroque.
Three shots! Yeah! Take that, bitch! Not bad.
Round and round it goes.
Who knows where it's gonna end up? Yes.
Yes! Yes! I got to put pants on.
Shit.
How do I look? Tranny train wreck? No, you look fine.
You look totally fine.
- Yeah? - Why? Well, those dancers are here.
One of them, Alex Merriweather, my friend says he's, like, the hottest thing at Juilliard.
I'm gonna seduce him.
- What are you talking about? - So, yeah, it was, like It's been incredibly hard since my boyfriend died.
I've been really lonely.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Is it, uh, cool if I join you guys out here? Yeah, I'm Lizzie.
This is my place.
- That's my roommate.
- Hey.
Yeah, we met.
I'm sorry about your boyfriend.
That's that's horrible.
How'd he die? Bubonic plague.
I got it, too, but I made it.
Lizzie, you better get in here.
There's kind of an emergency.
- Vomit in your victrola.
- Oh, fuck! That's an antique! Most victrolas are antiques.
I'm just gonna purel this bitch right quick, and, um, I'll find you.
You want some? Oh, no, thanks.
Smoke is the enemy.
Shit.
Sorry.
- Oh, it's freezing.
- Oh, here.
So so you play just, like, unbelievably well.
Thanks.
North Carolina, right? I'm from Nashville.
That's kinda close, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of.
It's a pretty overwhelming place, huh? Totally.
I feel like all I spend my time doing is, like, figuring out how to make money and then figuring out how to be a good roommate and a good daughter, and, like, none of it is about the art.
- So when I'm successful - You think it'll be easier? It better be.
You know I've always wondered something.
Do your lips hurt after you play like that? Um, I mean, they used to.
But now I guess they're, like, kind of used to being used, so That shit was fucking disgusting.
And Hank had an accident on your bed too.
Oh, shit.
Okay, thanks for your scarf.
Sorry.
It's freezing outside my apartment.
Feel like my tits are gonna fall off.
'Cause they're frozen.
Can I borrow that? Oh, my God.
- What the fuck, mom? - Sorry.
I sound horrible.
I suck.
But I practiced last night.
- I focused on my breathing like you said.
- Duncan, shut up.
Just just shut up.
Get me a glass of water.
I'm extremely hungover, and I'm not proud of it.
Okay, I know.
Each breath is a bridge to another breath.
Hailey, it's Cynthia.
I don't care what the hell you're doing right now.
Drop it and get over to the symphony hall.
Rodrigo is holding auditions.
They're seeing Woodwinds until 11:00.
You didn't hear it from me.
I can't fucking believe this is happening.
Okay, where were we? Hailey, go.
You can sneak out through the service elevator.
- What about your mom? - I'm not afraid of her.
And anyway, if you get that job, she'll brag to everybody that her son takes lessons from an oboist at the New York Symphony.
Get out of here.
Bye.
What do you think? - I I - Perfect, right? Yes.
Next! Grazie.
Write this down.
I want a turkey sandwich with no mayonnaise.
What does it say? Turkey sandwich with no mayonnaise.
Okay.
Thank you.
Next.
It's over, sir.
Fuck.
In through the nose Out through the mouth.
Remember, each breath is a bridge to another breath.
Each breath is a bridge.
All right, Duncan, I think that's enough for today.
Duncan, listen to me.
Yes, Miss Rutledge.
Tomorrow's a really important day, okay? For both of us.
Everyone's coming.
Your grandmother is coming.
So can you do me a really big favor, please? Try and practice before bed just a little.
I will, certainly.
Um, did your mom leave a check? Oh.
Yeah.
- _ - _ Ew.
I hope I wasn't too fast for you.
Oh, no, I thought you were rather sluggish tonight.
After you, maestro.
- Beautiful, as always.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
Good luck.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
Joshua Bell.
Safe trip to Beijing tonight.
Well As most of you know, tonight's concert marks the final performance that I shall give as the conductor of this very fine orchestra.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Now, just because you won't see me here, it doesn't mean to say that I won't be here.
In fact, it's just the opposite.
I have gratefully accepted the newly minted role of executive musical director emeritus Whatever the hell that means.
Before I do go, I would just like to say a heartfelt thanks to some very special people here tonight.
They are my colleagues, my friends my family.
They are the men and women of your symphony.
Please.
And now will you please warmly welcome the woman behind the curtain, the board chairperson herself, Mrs.
Gloria Windsor? Thank you.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Thank you, Thomas, for everything.
And so as one movement ends, another must begin.
It is my honor to introduce to you someone special.
At 12 years old, he was the youngest person to ever win the Mahler Award for young conductors.
At 23, he conducted at La Scala.
At 25, he lifted the Oslo symphony out of bankruptcy and placed them amongst the finest on the world stage.
He has been courted by Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Munich, and we got him.
Please join me in welcoming a man who need only be introduced by his first name, your new conductor and musical director - Ah! - Rodrigo! Mwah.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I had to.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Does he also do children's parties? I think he's amazing.
That was a great performance tonight, maestro.
Look, Gloria, I love you, but don't ever underestimate me.
Darling, I think you go to the same hairdresser.
So I'm playing this rich-bitch gig in Sag Harbor, and the hostess is working my shaft, my balls, my shaft, my balls, and I'm totally fucking hammered off of six glasses of Riesling, and then I pass out.
- And then - Good night, boys.
- Good night.
- Good night, Cynthia.
And then chomp Hey, sexy, you going downtown? Oh, I'm sorry, Cynthia.
I'm going uptown.
Shit.
I got to be in Times Square in ten minutes.
Two-a-nights? Oh.
Oh, I remember those days.
Here, you take it.
You're fantastic.
Brroklyn, 48th.
Well, Bruno, she played you beautifully.
Bellissima, eh? Thomas, darling, over here.
- Have a good night.
- Yes.
Good night, maestro.
- Maestro.
- What? What's this? - The press release.
- Oh.
They'll need a quote from you.
but somehow we missed out on the pot of gold but we'll try best that we can to carry on My eyes! I thought that they were angels but to my surprise we climbed aboard their starship we headed for the skies singing come sail away come sail away come sail away with me, lads come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me come sail away, come sail away come sail away with me Cynthia, you're killing me.
If it wasn't for this pretty young lady, tonight would've been a disaster.
I owe you.
- May I offer you a ride home? - Easy, Bernard.
- What's your name? - I'm Hailey.
- Hailey, you're coming with me.
- Okay.
- Deborah - You're welcome.
For what? Keeping Bernard out of your pants.
I thought I knew every oboist in town.
- I'm Cynthia.
- Cynthia Taylor, I know.
You're second cello in the New York symphony.
It's a real honor.
You drink, I hope.
To Rodrigo! Rodrigo! I just love these ideas.
They're so fresh, so innovative.
I can see.
Thomas, I'm so glad you came.
- Can we get a glass of champagne? - It won't be necessary.
I won't be staying that long.
Is this a joke? "Under the guidance of our new conductor, Rodrigo Desousa, our coming season will feature some surprising highlights, such as turning off the house lights and playing selected pieces in complete darkness.
" We hired Rodrigo to bring new ideas, a youthful point of view.
You were in on the decision.
You continue to be in on every decision that we make here.
What next? "Bring a pet to the symphony" day? Our subscribers, they're not gonna stand for Oh, put that champagne down, Sergeant Pepper.
Champagne is for celebrating, and I don't consider the erosion of a magnificent institution like this Stop being so dramatic.
I'm gonna go.
Thank you, Gloria.
Thank you.
It's been lovely.
Maestro, court, grazie.
Grazie.
Haven't you got anything to say for yourself? In English, preferably.
Emily Wu, the first violin, she played sharp 17 times in the first movement alone.
And then the horns came a bar late, which completely threw off the clarinet, and we weren't able to perceive Tchaikovsky's desired dynamic shift from bars 27 to 34.
And Bruno, Bruno Cassel, the bass player He's old.
He can barely hold his bow.
I don't know who you were torturing more me or him.
You prick.
Changes will be made.
And, maestro, I hope I don't disappoint you or the values of this great institution.
Hailey Rutledge, oboist.
Yeah, that's my parents' idea of a Christmas present, so I like the drawing.
So I have on the rocks for you.
- Oh, thank you.
- And a neat for you.
And actually, um, this round's gonna be on me.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah, of course.
My pleasure.
Thanks.
Cute ass, right? Totally.
I bet he's a dancer.
- They're the best.
- The best? Anecdotal evidence and my personal scientific research suggest there's a direct correlation between what a man does fora living and the way he fucks.
Mm.
Violinists, for example Yeah, come on.
They tend to come quickly.
It's all those arpeggios.
Percussionists pound you like you're in a porno.
Kind of fun for about ten minutes.
Good cardio, though.
What about them? Pianists tricky.
Typically they fall into two general groups: jazz and classical.
- I go for jazz.
- Why? Improvisation: they play off you.
Also, they're into ensembles.
_ What about, um, conductors? Too complicated.
Hailey, oboists area rare commodity these days.
Strings, on the other hand, we're like hyenas fighting over the same dead animal.
You're really good.
Thank you.
Okay, so can I get you anything else, ladies? - Your name.
- Excuse me? Your name, skinny jeans.
I'm Alex.
You look like a dancer, Alex.
Am I right? Yeah, I I am, actually ballet.
I'm training at Juilliard.
Alex, Hailey.
Hailey, Alex.
Hailey is an oboist from North Carolina.
Alex is a ballet dancer here in New York.
- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah, yeah, you too, Hailey.
_ Uh, listen, I better be going.
Why don't you, uh, sit down and the two of you chat awhile? Oh, well, actually, we could probably share a cab, so I'm not taking a cab, but I'll call you.
- Let's stay in touch.
- Change or, uh ? - Have a fantastic time.
- Oh, thank you.
It's all good.
Your friend's awesome.
What is it, like, an $40 tip? Yeah.
You don't actually have to stay here and talk to me.
Well, hey, you know, I'm actually about to get off.
Uh, a bunch of us are probably gonna go out later.
Want to come with? Oh, I'd love that.
I just, um I have to get up so early.
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
All right, well, um That's cool.
Enjoy your drink and - Drinks.
- Drinks, plural.
- - Yeah.
My loss.
This is a $350,000 cello, you asshole.
Get in.
Don't treat me like a hooker.
I shouldn't have taught you how to text.
Pop it.
Ah, my whole world is falling apart.
He's good, isn't he? Oh, well, don't tell me you wouldn't fuck him.
Oh, please.
Is this the kind of night it's gonna be? Let me out.
Forget that.
Keep going.
If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.
Yes, he's good.
He's a monster.
He's making cuts Woodwinds and Brass for now.
The union will have something to say about that.
You can't just come in and install your friends.
Oh, I doubt he has any friends.
I was him once.
You still are.
Let's get Bizet! Whoo! Oh, shit! Look who got here.
This party's about to get fucked up! You got to try my new invention.
I call it the "ganjanome.
" Nice.
Okay, I'm gonna go to bed.
Oh, just stay up a while.
Have a drink, relax, you know, go fucking apeshit.
- You go fucking apeshit.
- I am fucking apeshit! Listen, hot guys are on their way over.
Do you want me to save you one? No.
Well, there's a flutist out here, and he wants to play you in "showdown," and he thinks he's awesome, but I think you can destroy him.
No.
He said the oboe was an undernourished clarinet.
Fuck you, love you, goodnight, Lizzie.
Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! Hailey! I hate you guys.
All right, okay.
Everybody shut up.
Final bets.
Oh, 20, all right.
Place your bets.
Final bets.
- Whoo! Romantic, baby.
- Two shots.
Two shots! Two shots! This is the piano arrangement.
It doesn't matter.
Boom.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Oh.
- Baroque.
Three shots! Yeah! Take that, bitch! Not bad.
Round and round it goes.
Who knows where it's gonna end up? Yes.
Yes! Yes! I got to put pants on.
Shit.
How do I look? Tranny train wreck? No, you look fine.
You look totally fine.
- Yeah? - Why? Well, those dancers are here.
One of them, Alex Merriweather, my friend says he's, like, the hottest thing at Juilliard.
I'm gonna seduce him.
- What are you talking about? - So, yeah, it was, like It's been incredibly hard since my boyfriend died.
I've been really lonely.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Is it, uh, cool if I join you guys out here? Yeah, I'm Lizzie.
This is my place.
- That's my roommate.
- Hey.
Yeah, we met.
I'm sorry about your boyfriend.
That's that's horrible.
How'd he die? Bubonic plague.
I got it, too, but I made it.
Lizzie, you better get in here.
There's kind of an emergency.
- Vomit in your victrola.
- Oh, fuck! That's an antique! Most victrolas are antiques.
I'm just gonna purel this bitch right quick, and, um, I'll find you.
You want some? Oh, no, thanks.
Smoke is the enemy.
Shit.
Sorry.
- Oh, it's freezing.
- Oh, here.
So so you play just, like, unbelievably well.
Thanks.
North Carolina, right? I'm from Nashville.
That's kinda close, I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kind of.
It's a pretty overwhelming place, huh? Totally.
I feel like all I spend my time doing is, like, figuring out how to make money and then figuring out how to be a good roommate and a good daughter, and, like, none of it is about the art.
- So when I'm successful - You think it'll be easier? It better be.
You know I've always wondered something.
Do your lips hurt after you play like that? Um, I mean, they used to.
But now I guess they're, like, kind of used to being used, so That shit was fucking disgusting.
And Hank had an accident on your bed too.
Oh, shit.
Okay, thanks for your scarf.
Sorry.
It's freezing outside my apartment.
Feel like my tits are gonna fall off.
'Cause they're frozen.
Can I borrow that? Oh, my God.
- What the fuck, mom? - Sorry.
I sound horrible.
I suck.
But I practiced last night.
- I focused on my breathing like you said.
- Duncan, shut up.
Just just shut up.
Get me a glass of water.
I'm extremely hungover, and I'm not proud of it.
Okay, I know.
Each breath is a bridge to another breath.
Hailey, it's Cynthia.
I don't care what the hell you're doing right now.
Drop it and get over to the symphony hall.
Rodrigo is holding auditions.
They're seeing Woodwinds until 11:00.
You didn't hear it from me.
I can't fucking believe this is happening.
Okay, where were we? Hailey, go.
You can sneak out through the service elevator.
- What about your mom? - I'm not afraid of her.
And anyway, if you get that job, she'll brag to everybody that her son takes lessons from an oboist at the New York Symphony.
Get out of here.
Bye.
What do you think? - I I - Perfect, right? Yes.
Next! Grazie.
Write this down.
I want a turkey sandwich with no mayonnaise.
What does it say? Turkey sandwich with no mayonnaise.
Okay.
Thank you.
Next.
It's over, sir.
Fuck.