Mr Pickles (2013) s01e01 Episode Script
Tommy's Big Job
1 - Mm, hi.
- Todd, we need to talk.
Hey, look, a cute, little puppy doggy! - I need to tell you something.
- It's okay, Lurlene.
I found your punch card.
I know they're fake.
- Yes, but no.
- You slept with the football team again? It's okay.
Yes, but no.
I've met someone else.
You're just too nice.
I want a bad boy.
Hey! [Gasps.]
Let me in! [Breathing heavily.]
You must be Lurlene's bad boy.
- Hi! - Hey, those are fake! - You're disgusting! - I don't know this guy! Bye! It was great meeting you! No! No! Agh! [Screams.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles [metal music.]
good boy he's a dog people's best friend Die! Pickles Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! Here he comes for you Tommy: There you are! Good boy! - Hmm, this milk tastes funny.
- Beverly: Well, Tommy, our cow, Betty, is pregnant, so right now, we're - drinking soy milk.
- Stanley: Ugh! I've read that soy has estrogen in it.
- Tommy: What's that? - Stanley: Well, it's what - makes a lady a lady.
- Beverly: A little soy milk isn't going to turn anybody into a lady overnight.
[barks.]
Beverly: Oh! [Laughs.]
Mr.
Pickles.
Dad? I'm Mrs.
Milton.
My Suzie and I found this one sleeping on our farm this morning.
- Tommy: [sighs.]
- Beverly: Dad, you lost your - shoe again? - Grandpa: But Mr.
Pickles did this to me! Last night, I saw Mr.
Pickles huffing gas, then getting into the truck.
- Hey! - Next thing I know, I woke up in a crib next to a baby man at one of Mr.
Pickles' fetish parties.
A horse man whipping a pig lady starting grabbing my nipples.
Then a robed man popped out of a cake.
- Show us your face! - Grandpa: But it was Mr.
Pickles in a doctor's mask.
He started cutting people up - with a chain saw! - No! Nooo! Grandpa: He put human heads on his paws and started dancing, Then he put me in a truck with a bunch of body parts and drove me to the Milton's farm where he stole my shoe! - Hey! - And that's how I lost my shoe.
Beverly: You and your crazy stories.
- Anyway, bye now.
- Beverly: Please stop by anytime! Tommy: Dad, what do you do - when you're in love? - Stanley: Ugh, Tommy, nowadays, love is complicated, but when you really love someone, just tell them how you feel.
- Well, I'm off to work.
Bye! - Tommy: Dad's right! I'm gonna tell Suzie I love her! Come on, Mr.
Pickles! [panting.]
Tommy: Let's find Suzie's farm! Mr.
Pickles: [barking.]
Tommy: Whee! Hi! I'm Tommy, and this is Mr.
Pickles! [Cow moos.]
[squirt!.]
- Oops.
Sorry about that.
- Tommy: That's okay.
- At least it's not soy milk.
- I'm Suzie, and this is Gertie.
She's old, and her milk's going bad.
[Squirt!.]
- Oops! - Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
[Growling demonically.]
Tommy: Suzie, I wanted to tell you something.
I love you.
Look, Tommy, since my pa starting drinking again, I got to do everything around here milk the cow, feed the pigs, even pay the bills.
Come back when you got a job.
[Cow coughs.]
Tommy: Okay! Come on, Mr.
Pickles! [panting.]
Stanley: # La-la la la la la la # - # and a la la la la la la la # - Aah! [Tires screeching.]
Agh, he hit me! - He hit Wanda! - Stanley: Hey, not I did not.
A-Are you okay? At least take me to motel where Wanda live.
Stanley: [grunts.]
Listen, I'm sorry, but I really - have to get to work.
- Help! He hurt me! Stanley: [sighs.]
[Giggles.]
Wanda make a friend! [Giggles.]
Tommy: Well, Mr.
Pickles, I guess nobody will give me a job.
Jobs! Get your jobs here! - Tommy: I need a job.
- You there, step right up! - Tommy: But I'm over here.
- [Laughing.]
Well, of course you are! Right this way.
[Horse snorts.]
Sorry for the mess.
I-I-I've lost my spectacles.
So, what kind of job are you after? Tommy: I need a job that will help me pay bills 'cause Suzie Say no more! [Laughing.]
I know just the job - you need, little lady.
- Tommy: Huh?! [Sighs.]
- What happened? - Now, it's off to Jiggly Wigglies with you! Mr.
Pickles: [whimpering.]
Just go there, and soon you'll be able to pay all your bills, including this one for $20,000! [growls.]
Tommy: Come on, Mr.
Pickles! Oh, and here! Five more visits, and your next job is free! [humming.]
Beverly: Linda! What are you selling today? Uh, uh, uh, h-how about this shake-a-baby, huh?! - Beverly: A shake-a-baby? - It tell you the truth! Shake-a-baby, do birds fly? [Shouting indistinctly.]
Mm, no! [Birds chirping.]
Uh, see, that is true! Birds don't fly! I'll sell it to you for $2! That's pretty cheap for a shake-a-baby now! [Betty moos.]
Grandpa: What is it, girl? Is it time for the birth? Don't worry.
I've been taking la-Moo's classes.
[laughs.]
Oh, Betty, we have some fun.
[Betty moos angrily.]
Okay, okay, I'm ready! Here it comes! It's a [Betty moos.]
It's a my shoe! Mr.
Pickles put my shoe in [Betty moos.]
Hey! Get back here, Betty! Tommy: [humming.]
Hiya, there! Salutations, young Tommy! How you doing to damn, Tommy! Tommy: Hi, Mr.
Bojenkins! Do you know where - Jiggly Wigglies is?! - Wait, do your parents know - about your, uh hmm.
- Tommy: Thanks! Bye! Uh, that was not good, but damn, that boy got some big ol' jiggly wigglies! [Laughs.]
Oh.
[Reins snap.]
All right, now get out there - and show them your talents! - Tommy: Huh?! - Both of them! Go! - Tommy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [cheers and applause.]
[mid-tempo music playing.]
Sir, you dropped this! Here you go! You're doing a great job.
Just keep moving like us! - Tommy: Okay, like this? - [Chanting.]
Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! - Tommy: Whoa, whoa! Ohh! - Well, hell-o! [Laughs.]
[whimpering.]
[mid-tempo music playing.]
[Whimpers.]
Pickles Mr.
Pickles: [growling demonically.]
[Horse snorts.]
[panting.]
Stanley: Ah, done.
Well, I guess I should get - to tork now.
- Oh, nobody want to be my friend! - Stanley: Uh, I - Agh, help me! Please, you stay! - Stanley: But I'm late for work.
Goodbye! - But if you don't stay and watch TV show together, I tell them you raped me.
- Stanley: What?! - Help, he raped me! Stanley: Hey, shh, shh, shh! Listen, all right, all right.
[Laughs.]
Sir, the prince of saturn has - been murdered! - Sounds like a job for - Astronaut Dolphin detective.
- But, sir, Astronaut Dolphin detective was arrested after that space - goblin told you he raped her! - Get him out! [Dolphin squeaking.]
[Laughs.]
[sighs.]
Tommy: And that's why blue's - my favorite color! - [slurring.]
Oh, you're so interesting! - Say, do you believe in love at first sight?! - Tommy: I sure do! - I'm in love now! - Me too! Hey, I got an idea! Do you want to get married?! Tommy: That's a great idea! [Laughs.]
I just got to break this to my wife! Well, then you can come home and meet my Suzie! Tommy: You know Suzie?! [Burps.]
Now that Todd's out, we can be together.
Yeah, whatever.
You still got to lose those 5 pounds.
Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Who's too nice now? Die, you cheating holy smokes! Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Huh? Uh, can somebody please let me out? [whimpering.]
Hey, look, a cute, little puppy doggy! Do I wish miss Goodman would buy this shake-a-baby for $2? [Shouts indistinctly.]
No?! It really works 'cause I was wishing you would buy it for $3, Miss Goodman! Mm-Hmm! Beverly: Mrs.
Milton, back so s Oh! Can you believe my no-good drunk of a husband is leaving me - for some stripper skank?! - Beverly: Oh, dear! - All men are cheaters! - Beverly: No, not my Stanley! [Shouting indistinctly.]
Linda, I don't want the baby! - It's always wrong! - Shake-a-baby, do I have 10 fingers?! [Shouts indistinctly.]
Hmm, no? See, that is true! [Telephone rings.]
- Aah! - Beverly: Goodman residence.
Is Mr.
Goodman coming in today? I want to show him my army fort.
[Munches.]
Okay, bye! Tell Goodman under there to get to work! Beverly: Stanley never made it in to work.
- He's cheating on you! - Is Mr.
Goodman cheating on - miss Goodman?! - Beverly: Linda, please, it's always wrong! [Shouting indistinctly.]
- Oh! - Beverly: I think we'd better go find my husband.
Stop, there's his truck over there! Astronaut Dolphin detective says the space goblin killed the space prince! [Moaning.]
Wait, what's he doing now?! Astronaut Dolphin detective has fallen in love.
I should have known he'd double-cross us! Stanley: [sighs.]
Ridiculous! Now I'm leaving! But if you no stay, I tell them you rape me! [Giggles.]
Stanley: I would never touch - another woman! - Agh, help me! Stanley: [sighs.]
[grunts.]
Beverly: Stanley Goodman, how could you! - Stanley: Ah, Beverly! - Beverly: Get me out of here! - Hey! - Whoo-hoo-hoo! There goes my cheating husband with that skank! Stanley: Beverly, wait a minute! Drink your tea, Abigail.
Oh, Abigail, pretty soon, you'll - be going off to college.
- Hey, out of my way, man! - Speeders! - Get back here, you cheating drunk! - Stanley: Beverly! Slow down! - Oh, Abigail, watch out! Grandpa: Get her! [Betty moos.]
Mr.
Pickles put my shoe in that cow's lady parts! Not now, grandpa! [Imitating siren wailing.]
- Grandpa: Oh, no! - Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Tommy: Suzie! I got a job! Will you marry - Meet your new mother! - I hate you! - You're not my real mom! - I'm gonna gut you like a hog, you skank! - Beverly: Hey, that skank is my son! - Stanley: Beverly! Carry me, or I tell them you rape me! - Tommy: Hi, dad! - Stanley: Tommy?! Tommy: I'm getting married to Suzie! You cheating skank! You were supposed to marry me! Stanley: Hey, don't you ever touch my son again! Beverly: Stanley, you're out of control! Did you force your love on this woman?! He no rape me, but if you don't rape me, I tell them you rape me! [Imitating siren wailing.]
Everybody slow down! [Birds chirping.]
Now, what did I miss? [All sigh.]
[Cries.]
Oh, no! Gertie has passed on! [All sighs.]
[Betty moos.]
Tommy: Look, everybody! Betty came to tell us that her baby's coming! [barks.]
Tommy: I think you should have it, Suzie.
- Aww! - Aww, look, they rape each Other! - [coughs.]
Oops! - Tommy: Look, Betty must be having twins! [Betty moos.]
- Get out of there! - Grandpa: It was Mr.
Pickles! Beverly: Now, who wants real milk with their steak? Tommy: I do! Gertie sure is tasty! Grandpa: I don't ever want to see the inside of a cow again! Tommy: Shake-a-baby, does Suzie love me? [Grunts.]
Recharge? Oh, maybe the baby needs some milk! - Stanley: Tommy, no! - Tommy: Huh? Stanley: Um, how did you, you know, uh Tommy: You were right, dad! Love sure is complicated.
Beverly: And look at what the estrogen from that soy milk did to our son.
We'll get you to the doctor in - the morning, Tommy.
- Stanley: Judging by the way Mr.
Pickles delivered Betty's calf, seems we already have a doctor in the house.
[Laughs.]
[barks.]
Tommy: Good boy, Dr.
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles: [barks.]
Huh?! There are my spectacles! Huh?! [ominous music playing.]
Noooo! [high-pitched voice.]
Mama, mama! Baby want milky! [low-pitched voice.]
Baby want milky! Milky, milky! Pickles good boy he's a dog people's best friend Die! Pickles - I will.
- I did.
- Todd, we need to talk.
Hey, look, a cute, little puppy doggy! - I need to tell you something.
- It's okay, Lurlene.
I found your punch card.
I know they're fake.
- Yes, but no.
- You slept with the football team again? It's okay.
Yes, but no.
I've met someone else.
You're just too nice.
I want a bad boy.
Hey! [Gasps.]
Let me in! [Breathing heavily.]
You must be Lurlene's bad boy.
- Hi! - Hey, those are fake! - You're disgusting! - I don't know this guy! Bye! It was great meeting you! No! No! Agh! [Screams.]
Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles [metal music.]
good boy he's a dog people's best friend Die! Pickles Tommy: Mr.
Pickles! Here he comes for you Tommy: There you are! Good boy! - Hmm, this milk tastes funny.
- Beverly: Well, Tommy, our cow, Betty, is pregnant, so right now, we're - drinking soy milk.
- Stanley: Ugh! I've read that soy has estrogen in it.
- Tommy: What's that? - Stanley: Well, it's what - makes a lady a lady.
- Beverly: A little soy milk isn't going to turn anybody into a lady overnight.
[barks.]
Beverly: Oh! [Laughs.]
Mr.
Pickles.
Dad? I'm Mrs.
Milton.
My Suzie and I found this one sleeping on our farm this morning.
- Tommy: [sighs.]
- Beverly: Dad, you lost your - shoe again? - Grandpa: But Mr.
Pickles did this to me! Last night, I saw Mr.
Pickles huffing gas, then getting into the truck.
- Hey! - Next thing I know, I woke up in a crib next to a baby man at one of Mr.
Pickles' fetish parties.
A horse man whipping a pig lady starting grabbing my nipples.
Then a robed man popped out of a cake.
- Show us your face! - Grandpa: But it was Mr.
Pickles in a doctor's mask.
He started cutting people up - with a chain saw! - No! Nooo! Grandpa: He put human heads on his paws and started dancing, Then he put me in a truck with a bunch of body parts and drove me to the Milton's farm where he stole my shoe! - Hey! - And that's how I lost my shoe.
Beverly: You and your crazy stories.
- Anyway, bye now.
- Beverly: Please stop by anytime! Tommy: Dad, what do you do - when you're in love? - Stanley: Ugh, Tommy, nowadays, love is complicated, but when you really love someone, just tell them how you feel.
- Well, I'm off to work.
Bye! - Tommy: Dad's right! I'm gonna tell Suzie I love her! Come on, Mr.
Pickles! [panting.]
Tommy: Let's find Suzie's farm! Mr.
Pickles: [barking.]
Tommy: Whee! Hi! I'm Tommy, and this is Mr.
Pickles! [Cow moos.]
[squirt!.]
- Oops.
Sorry about that.
- Tommy: That's okay.
- At least it's not soy milk.
- I'm Suzie, and this is Gertie.
She's old, and her milk's going bad.
[Squirt!.]
- Oops! - Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
[Growling demonically.]
Tommy: Suzie, I wanted to tell you something.
I love you.
Look, Tommy, since my pa starting drinking again, I got to do everything around here milk the cow, feed the pigs, even pay the bills.
Come back when you got a job.
[Cow coughs.]
Tommy: Okay! Come on, Mr.
Pickles! [panting.]
Stanley: # La-la la la la la la # - # and a la la la la la la la # - Aah! [Tires screeching.]
Agh, he hit me! - He hit Wanda! - Stanley: Hey, not I did not.
A-Are you okay? At least take me to motel where Wanda live.
Stanley: [grunts.]
Listen, I'm sorry, but I really - have to get to work.
- Help! He hurt me! Stanley: [sighs.]
[Giggles.]
Wanda make a friend! [Giggles.]
Tommy: Well, Mr.
Pickles, I guess nobody will give me a job.
Jobs! Get your jobs here! - Tommy: I need a job.
- You there, step right up! - Tommy: But I'm over here.
- [Laughing.]
Well, of course you are! Right this way.
[Horse snorts.]
Sorry for the mess.
I-I-I've lost my spectacles.
So, what kind of job are you after? Tommy: I need a job that will help me pay bills 'cause Suzie Say no more! [Laughing.]
I know just the job - you need, little lady.
- Tommy: Huh?! [Sighs.]
- What happened? - Now, it's off to Jiggly Wigglies with you! Mr.
Pickles: [whimpering.]
Just go there, and soon you'll be able to pay all your bills, including this one for $20,000! [growls.]
Tommy: Come on, Mr.
Pickles! Oh, and here! Five more visits, and your next job is free! [humming.]
Beverly: Linda! What are you selling today? Uh, uh, uh, h-how about this shake-a-baby, huh?! - Beverly: A shake-a-baby? - It tell you the truth! Shake-a-baby, do birds fly? [Shouting indistinctly.]
Mm, no! [Birds chirping.]
Uh, see, that is true! Birds don't fly! I'll sell it to you for $2! That's pretty cheap for a shake-a-baby now! [Betty moos.]
Grandpa: What is it, girl? Is it time for the birth? Don't worry.
I've been taking la-Moo's classes.
[laughs.]
Oh, Betty, we have some fun.
[Betty moos angrily.]
Okay, okay, I'm ready! Here it comes! It's a [Betty moos.]
It's a my shoe! Mr.
Pickles put my shoe in [Betty moos.]
Hey! Get back here, Betty! Tommy: [humming.]
Hiya, there! Salutations, young Tommy! How you doing to damn, Tommy! Tommy: Hi, Mr.
Bojenkins! Do you know where - Jiggly Wigglies is?! - Wait, do your parents know - about your, uh hmm.
- Tommy: Thanks! Bye! Uh, that was not good, but damn, that boy got some big ol' jiggly wigglies! [Laughs.]
Oh.
[Reins snap.]
All right, now get out there - and show them your talents! - Tommy: Huh?! - Both of them! Go! - Tommy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [cheers and applause.]
[mid-tempo music playing.]
Sir, you dropped this! Here you go! You're doing a great job.
Just keep moving like us! - Tommy: Okay, like this? - [Chanting.]
Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! - Tommy: Whoa, whoa! Ohh! - Well, hell-o! [Laughs.]
[whimpering.]
[mid-tempo music playing.]
[Whimpers.]
Pickles Mr.
Pickles: [growling demonically.]
[Horse snorts.]
[panting.]
Stanley: Ah, done.
Well, I guess I should get - to tork now.
- Oh, nobody want to be my friend! - Stanley: Uh, I - Agh, help me! Please, you stay! - Stanley: But I'm late for work.
Goodbye! - But if you don't stay and watch TV show together, I tell them you raped me.
- Stanley: What?! - Help, he raped me! Stanley: Hey, shh, shh, shh! Listen, all right, all right.
[Laughs.]
Sir, the prince of saturn has - been murdered! - Sounds like a job for - Astronaut Dolphin detective.
- But, sir, Astronaut Dolphin detective was arrested after that space - goblin told you he raped her! - Get him out! [Dolphin squeaking.]
[Laughs.]
[sighs.]
Tommy: And that's why blue's - my favorite color! - [slurring.]
Oh, you're so interesting! - Say, do you believe in love at first sight?! - Tommy: I sure do! - I'm in love now! - Me too! Hey, I got an idea! Do you want to get married?! Tommy: That's a great idea! [Laughs.]
I just got to break this to my wife! Well, then you can come home and meet my Suzie! Tommy: You know Suzie?! [Burps.]
Now that Todd's out, we can be together.
Yeah, whatever.
You still got to lose those 5 pounds.
Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Who's too nice now? Die, you cheating holy smokes! Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Huh? Uh, can somebody please let me out? [whimpering.]
Hey, look, a cute, little puppy doggy! Do I wish miss Goodman would buy this shake-a-baby for $2? [Shouts indistinctly.]
No?! It really works 'cause I was wishing you would buy it for $3, Miss Goodman! Mm-Hmm! Beverly: Mrs.
Milton, back so s Oh! Can you believe my no-good drunk of a husband is leaving me - for some stripper skank?! - Beverly: Oh, dear! - All men are cheaters! - Beverly: No, not my Stanley! [Shouting indistinctly.]
Linda, I don't want the baby! - It's always wrong! - Shake-a-baby, do I have 10 fingers?! [Shouts indistinctly.]
Hmm, no? See, that is true! [Telephone rings.]
- Aah! - Beverly: Goodman residence.
Is Mr.
Goodman coming in today? I want to show him my army fort.
[Munches.]
Okay, bye! Tell Goodman under there to get to work! Beverly: Stanley never made it in to work.
- He's cheating on you! - Is Mr.
Goodman cheating on - miss Goodman?! - Beverly: Linda, please, it's always wrong! [Shouting indistinctly.]
- Oh! - Beverly: I think we'd better go find my husband.
Stop, there's his truck over there! Astronaut Dolphin detective says the space goblin killed the space prince! [Moaning.]
Wait, what's he doing now?! Astronaut Dolphin detective has fallen in love.
I should have known he'd double-cross us! Stanley: [sighs.]
Ridiculous! Now I'm leaving! But if you no stay, I tell them you rape me! [Giggles.]
Stanley: I would never touch - another woman! - Agh, help me! Stanley: [sighs.]
[grunts.]
Beverly: Stanley Goodman, how could you! - Stanley: Ah, Beverly! - Beverly: Get me out of here! - Hey! - Whoo-hoo-hoo! There goes my cheating husband with that skank! Stanley: Beverly, wait a minute! Drink your tea, Abigail.
Oh, Abigail, pretty soon, you'll - be going off to college.
- Hey, out of my way, man! - Speeders! - Get back here, you cheating drunk! - Stanley: Beverly! Slow down! - Oh, Abigail, watch out! Grandpa: Get her! [Betty moos.]
Mr.
Pickles put my shoe in that cow's lady parts! Not now, grandpa! [Imitating siren wailing.]
- Grandpa: Oh, no! - Mr.
Pickles: [panting.]
Tommy: Suzie! I got a job! Will you marry - Meet your new mother! - I hate you! - You're not my real mom! - I'm gonna gut you like a hog, you skank! - Beverly: Hey, that skank is my son! - Stanley: Beverly! Carry me, or I tell them you rape me! - Tommy: Hi, dad! - Stanley: Tommy?! Tommy: I'm getting married to Suzie! You cheating skank! You were supposed to marry me! Stanley: Hey, don't you ever touch my son again! Beverly: Stanley, you're out of control! Did you force your love on this woman?! He no rape me, but if you don't rape me, I tell them you rape me! [Imitating siren wailing.]
Everybody slow down! [Birds chirping.]
Now, what did I miss? [All sigh.]
[Cries.]
Oh, no! Gertie has passed on! [All sighs.]
[Betty moos.]
Tommy: Look, everybody! Betty came to tell us that her baby's coming! [barks.]
Tommy: I think you should have it, Suzie.
- Aww! - Aww, look, they rape each Other! - [coughs.]
Oops! - Tommy: Look, Betty must be having twins! [Betty moos.]
- Get out of there! - Grandpa: It was Mr.
Pickles! Beverly: Now, who wants real milk with their steak? Tommy: I do! Gertie sure is tasty! Grandpa: I don't ever want to see the inside of a cow again! Tommy: Shake-a-baby, does Suzie love me? [Grunts.]
Recharge? Oh, maybe the baby needs some milk! - Stanley: Tommy, no! - Tommy: Huh? Stanley: Um, how did you, you know, uh Tommy: You were right, dad! Love sure is complicated.
Beverly: And look at what the estrogen from that soy milk did to our son.
We'll get you to the doctor in - the morning, Tommy.
- Stanley: Judging by the way Mr.
Pickles delivered Betty's calf, seems we already have a doctor in the house.
[Laughs.]
[barks.]
Tommy: Good boy, Dr.
Pickles! Mr.
Pickles: [barks.]
Huh?! There are my spectacles! Huh?! [ominous music playing.]
Noooo! [high-pitched voice.]
Mama, mama! Baby want milky! [low-pitched voice.]
Baby want milky! Milky, milky! Pickles good boy he's a dog people's best friend Die! Pickles - I will.
- I did.