Mrs. Fletcher (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1 [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
WOMAN: I'm not sure when she's due.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES.]
PORN ACTRESS: [MOANING, SCREAMING.]
Oh, my God! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, like that.
Yeah, just like that.
Oh, my God.
[PANTS.]
Oh, fuck! Christ, it's so fucking deep in my ass.
- [MOANING.]
- [SLAPPING.]
So fucking far up that ass.
[MOANS.]
Mrs.
Fletcher! PORN ACTOR: Shit! Fuck! Hi! [PORN ACTRESS SQUEALS.]
PORN ACTRESS: Oh, my God, baby! Fuck! That's fucking in ["MRS.
FLETCHER" THEME MUSIC PLAYS.]
[LAUGHS.]
GEORGE RAFFERTY: Okay.
I'm sorry.
I I I, you know, you just scared me.
I thought it was something bad.
It's not good, George.
I mean, you have to understand, the craft ladies were beading bracelets while your father was watching porn at full blast.
So, what's the big deal? Everybody watches porn.
Uh Not in public.
I think what I'm suggesting to you is that when older people start to lose their inhibitions, it could be a sign of a more serious - neurological condition.
- Hold on.
You a doctor? Are you even a nurse? No, I am not even a nurse.
I know this might be hard for you to hear, but I think now might be a good time for you to start looking for other arrangements - for your father's care.
- I can't afford other arrangements for my father's care.
Okay? Can you just cut him a break? He's an old man, my mother's dead.
Okay? He can only eat soup.
He has no pleasures in life.
You have any idea what that's like? Maybe making dreamcatchers isn't enough to get a guy through his whole fucking day.
I'm not trying to take away his pleasure, George, he just can't watch porn in front of the craft ladies! I'll make sure to tell him that.
Nice chat.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
EVE FLETCHER: Okay, so, this is your Nighttime clothes will be in this, okay? BRENDAN FLETCHER: Hey, don't do the new iPhone update, 'cause it just totally fucks up older phones.
Okay, good to know.
[CHUCKLES.]
So Uh Uh I say now we gotta tackle your desk.
Which I have been yelled at for touching before.
So, I'm gonna need some guidance here.
- Uh Earth to Brendan.
- Yeah, what? I don't know what you want me to do with all this crap.
- Um - Okay, so, like this.
Take it or leave it? - BRENDAN: Take.
- Take.
Okay.
Are you sure? Does this thing need to be driven in a car from one place to another? Right, I guess it might not fit in the van.
I don't wanna micro-manage your stuff.
I know If you love it, you love it.
I just feel like That was pretty easy.
Done.
EVE: [SIGHS.]
Wow.
Well, thank you for all your help.
I couldn't have done it without you.
- [SIGHS.]
I'm just tired of this.
- EVE: Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you tired of lying down? Do you need to go lie down? Whoa.
This is like my last night at home, Mom.
- Do you really wanna do this? - Do you? - I'm sorry.
- BRENDAN: That's okay.
- Are you hungry? - Mm-hm.
EVE: I think I'm hungry.
Mm.
- Oh, I should've cut your hair.
- Oh, my God.
All you wanted was pasta.
The only thing that you would put in your mouth - was pasta with red sauce.
- [BRENDAN CHUCKLES.]
Oh, please, find some protein.
[BRENDAN GRUNTS.]
- Protein bars, and pasta.
- [SCOFFS.]
No! - [BOTH LAUGH.]
- Yeah.
Well try not to fill up, 'cause maybe somebody - went out and got you - [DOOR OPENS.]
[SING-SONG.]
some celebratory cupcakes! Uh I [CLEARS THROAT.]
can't right now though, 'cause I gotta meet Troy and Wade.
That's cool, right? - Uh - [BRENDAN SIGHS.]
- Yeah, but - Last night, so I just figured - I should see them.
- EVE: No, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should hang out with your friends.
I actually gotta go.
Um Thanks for dinner - for packing my stuff.
- Yeah.
EVE: Okay.
Well, have fun.
[SNIFFLES.]
Not too late though, Brendan, okay? - It's a really big day tomorrow.
- BRENDAN: Yeah.
- Yeah, I know.
- Okay.
- Love you.
- All right.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
["COUNTIN' UP" BY RICO NASTY PLAYS.]
Bitch, I'm comin' The fuck? Whoa! Kenny! Yeah! I'm the bitch with the long hair and the top off [INDISTINCT PARTY CHATTER.]
BRENDAN: Look at you, big motherfucker! Yo.
Hi! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
Yes! Hi.
Bro, you are so feelin' it right now.
- You can see it in his eyes.
- I'm not! [LAUGHS.]
- It's obvious! - [ALL LAUGH.]
- True.
- Yeah, it's true.
[BOY SCREAMS.]
CROWD: Oh! [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- CROWD: Oh! Okay, okay.
[CELL PHONE BUZZES.]
- [SIGHS.]
- [CELL PHONE BUZZES.]
[EXHALES.]
Hey.
TED FLETCHER: Hey.
Uh Just wanted to check in.
Our little guy's going to college! [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
- EVE: Mm-hm.
- How are we holding up? Um Well, "we" are working hard.
Well, I just wanna say, I you've done such an amazing job with him.
He's a He's a great kid, and you deserve all the credit for that.
Oh, thanks, Ted.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's very nice.
TED: How's the packing going? You know, I'm trying to shove our kid's life into the back of my car [SCOFFS.]
by myself.
Uh-huh.
That's cool.
[SIGHS.]
What's up, Ted? TED: Uh So, yeah, regarding tomorrow.
Jonathan's doctor rescheduled his appointment so I won't be able to, uh make it over there to help load the van, unfortunately.
Are you kidding me? You're not even gonna come over to say goodbye? It just It's out of my hands.
This guy is the autism diet guy.
It's a a thousand-year wait just for a consult.
Does Brendan know? I'll text him later.
Are y - Are you sure you're not mad? - Bye, Ted.
Fuckin' fuck! - JANE: Get in here.
- Thank you.
EVE: God.
I am so used to being rejected by him, but it's like, come on, tonight? This It's our last night.
Kids are so cruel.
On Greta's last night she slept at a friend's house.
- [GROANS.]
- And I just went in my closet and I saw that she took my favorite jacket.
- The one with the - Yes! - What a little - Bitch! Yes! - [EVE SCOFFS.]
- [JANE SIGHS.]
- Do you have any snacks? - No.
After we dropped her, I just got rid of everything good.
Oh, that's smart.
I'm gonna do that.
You know what? I have to say, I'm looking forward to this.
Like, we're free from our kids.
We finally get to do what we wanna do.
[WINE POURING.]
I can't do exactly what I want.
[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY.]
But I did sign up for a class.
Oh, God, are you making pottery? It's called "The Personal Essay" - at Eastern Community.
- JANE: [SIGHS.]
Oh, boy.
Okay, why are you reacting like I told you that I just found a lump? Because I'm not understanding why the second Brendan's out of the house you wanna do homework.
Thought it sounded exciting to me.
I was I opened the catalog and I I don't know It It grabbed me.
Okay.
I was gonna do this tomorrow, but I feel like, whatever, it's happening now.
Now is the time.
[GROANS.]
Very little something.
- Jane - [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, this is lovely.
Yeah, I know.
That was 41 dollars.
- Oh! Very generous price point! - Well, I love you.
Aw! Oh.
"Breathe.
" JANE: All right.
Okay.
But I think maybe you should listen to the candle.
Mm.
I breathe.
I know, but go home, take a long bath, turn your brain off, and just think about opening up to new things.
[EVE SIGHS.]
- Okay, like like what? - Like fun.
Like a handsome contractor.
Mm-hm.
Do you know one? - No.
- Mm-hm.
I didn't think so.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Look I just want you to meet some new people.
- [SIGHS, GROANS.]
- You are a skinny MILF goddess.
Oh, God, I hate that expression.
I know, but it's true.
- Lean in.
- Oh, I hate that one more.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're gonna be okay.
Gonna be okay.
["FOR THE RECORD [OOYY REMIX.]
" BY OOYY FT.
HDBEENDOPE PLAYS.]
Now I gotta up price on y'all Snake eyes on dice for y'all Shoulders on ice for y'all - [CROWD CHEERING.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hey.
Guess who? Wh I thought you left for college? No, n Leaving tomorrow.
Yeah.
- Well have a great time.
- Wait.
Yo, Becca? What's wrong? You don't You don't like me anymore or something? Yeah, I love guys who fuck me for a whole semester and then pretend I don't exist.
I honestly thought that, like, if we hooked up over the summer that I would miss you too much when I had to leave for school.
Right? Oh, well great.
Now you don't have to miss me at all.
BRENDAN: Hey, you look really pretty.
Becca, you look good.
You look great.
Do you really think it's that easy? You tell me I'm hot and then I forgive you for treating me like shit? I dunno.
Maybe? - Goodbye, Brendan.
- [LAUGHS.]
Oh, shit! - Hello.
- Fuck off.
Yeah, fuck off.
All right.
["MY FAVORITE RULE" BY MIR FONTAINE PLAYS.]
Bet my pictures on the Gram they help you masturbate I've got shooters on my team - Brendan? - Brendan, yo.
- Open your mouth.
- Fat chance! I'm Aaron fucking Rogers, bitch! You know it! - Hold up bro.
- TROY: Oh, shit! - What the fuck? - Spitzer! Hold up, hold up.
Fuck! Oh, shit.
My bad.
That one was an accident, actually.
Hold on.
Oh, no, I'm being attacked by a cool guy with - candy.
- [TROY AND WADE LAUGH.]
I got it.
Oh, shit.
Couldn't you just bully me online? It's like what people do now.
- [CANDY CLATTERS.]
- Way more fun in person.
- Mm.
- BRENDAN: Right? You know you're gonna get to college and everybody's going to see exactly what you are, right? [MUSIC CONTINUES.]
That is deep stuff, Julian.
Deep.
- Yeah.
Yup.
- BRENDAN: Don't Don't Don't Don't Wait Wait Julian, Julian, Julian, Julian.
I'm I'm I'm sorry, okay? Shit, homie, I I don't know what to say.
Like I feel like, uh, I was a dick to you, like, all through high school.
Yeah? Yeah.
Mm.
Uh I didn't mean anything by it.
I'm sorry, okay? Then why were you like that? - Ah Is that your phone? - JULIAN SPITZER: Yeah Why don't we just end on a good note, take a picture? Take a selfie, yes? Here.
Let's just take a picture.
- No.
Stop.
- Yes.
It's fine.
Just go.
[SCREAMS MOCKINGLY.]
High school forever! - Nothing? Okay? - Can I have my phone? - Yes.
- [JULIAN GASPS.]
- Fucking asshole! Fuck.
- [LAUGHTER.]
You need some rice.
You need some rice.
TROY: That is savage! - STUDENT: That sucks.
- [LAUGHTER.]
[SCOFFS.]
["SAMESQUAD" BY P-LO PLAYS.]
If the squad ain't with me then it ain't right [MUSIC CONTINUES THROUGH CAR STEREO.]
BRENDAN: All right, you doinks.
TROY: See you, bro.
- Be good.
- Peace, bitch! - Don't forget us.
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
Same squad, same squad, same squad Droptop coupe, dodge raindrops Big bag plays on FaceTime If the squad ain't with me then it ain't right Same squad, same squad, same squad Droptop coupe, dodge raindrops - - Big bag plays on FaceTime If the squad ain't with me then it ain't right Same squad, same squad, same squad - - Cross move quick like A.
I.
- - Chain shine bright like daytime Stack big bread like waist high - - I don't do lames Lil' bitch watch out like 2 Chainz I done swerved in a new lane If the squad ain't with me then it ain't right Ay, ay, ay, ay [CAMERA CLICKS.]
[MESSAGE SENT NOTIFICATION.]
[MUSIC CONCLUDES.]
[SIGHS.]
Brendan? - [STAMPS FEET.]
- God damn it.
Brendan.
It [MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh, sh [GROANS.]
[PANTS.]
Fine.
[MUTTERS.]
- [BICYCLE BELL RINGS.]
- EVE: Oh, my God! Oh, sc Sorry, you scared me.
- BECCA: Morning, Mrs.
Fletcher.
- Oh, please don't call me that.
Shouldn't you be wearing a helmet? Helmets are gross, Mrs.
Fletcher.
You know what else is gross? A traumatic brain injury.
- Is he home? - Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry.
- We're just about to - I only need a minute.
Okay.
Wh I'm gonna go get gas, and y you tell him that he needs to be out here and ready by the time I get back.
Hey.
BRENDAN: Hi.
Good morning.
Good morning.
I, uh got your picture.
Yeah? Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- Sorry I was mean last night.
That's okay.
Can I make it up to you? Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I've missed you.
I Same.
Oh, fuck! [GASPS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- EVE: Hey, Brendan.
Now's time to come downstairs.
Party's over.
[MUFFLED HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
Brendan, this is unacceptable! [STAMPS FEET.]
Okay.
[BRENDAN GROANS.]
BRENDAN: Oh, fuck yeah! Suck that cock, bitch.
Dirty fucking slut.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
BECCA: Bye, Mrs.
Fletcher! Enjoy the empty nest.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
Hey, remember we we used to We used to drive this way every Saturday morning on the way to hockey practice.
- Do you remember? [CHUCKLES.]
- Mm.
Remember how freezing it was? It would always still be dark when we got there.
- Oh, you hated that.
- Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Remember you were so happy when I quit.
Oh, God, I was thrilled.
- So - Can I turn some music on? Uh Sure.
["PYREX" BY SHINE SINATRA PLAYS.]
So Anyway, you never complained.
You were such a tough little guy.
Now you're a big guy.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Sorry.
[MUSIC STOPS.]
I I guess what What I'm trying to say is, I I think there are things that you might say to a girl that could scare her.
With Without you even realizing it.
I mean, look, I know you're not a virgin, right? You know? And I know there's porn and movies and you know, all these songs about hoes and bitches, and, you know, that's You know, that's what it is.
So, I I guess that What I'm trying to say is, that I think one of the most important things for you to always remember e especially now, y you know, in this day and age I mean, in life really, is that y is that y you have to be nice to women.
[SIGHS.]
Did you Do you understand what I'm saying? Yeah.
[SOFTLY.]
Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
["PYREX" BY SHINE SINATRA CONTINUES.]
Got me chillin', quit your bitchin' On my dick, go ba-ha-listic Okay, Mom.
We'll show this fine young man to his room now.
- Okay.
Let's do this.
- CREW LEADER: Not you, Mom.
You need to move your vehicle to the visitor's lot.
But I need to help him unpack.
First you need to move the vehicle, Mom.
- Yeah.
- People are waiting.
Uh [SIGHS.]
I'm a single parent.
He's my only child.
This is a really big deal for us.
BRENDAN: Mom.
Just It's It's cool.
It's fine.
Just go move the car.
- Don't worry, Mom.
- Right? We'll take good care of your baby.
- Yeah.
- All right.
I'll be back.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
- Wait, one second.
One second! - [TIRES SCREECH.]
[HORN HONKS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Yeah.
Okay.
Jerk.
ZACK: So, it's at 25 pounds right now, right? Turn the dial.
Boom.
Boom! Now it's at 40.
- BRENDAN: Whoa.
- Yeah.
Too bad these max out at fifty.
Oh, shit.
You trying to lift more than that? Uh Actually, I lift 50 pounds every time I take a piss.
ZACK: Ah, you should get that checked out, dude.
BRENDAN: I should.
EVE: Oh, sorry.
Did I walk into a dorm room or a gym-nahsium? - [EVE CHUCKLES.]
- Hey, Mrs.
Fletcher.
I'm Zack.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Oh, hi, nice to meet you, Zack.
Hi.
You can call me Eve, - if you want to.
- All right.
Eve.
Okay, well just Let's get you unpacked.
[BRENDAN AND ZACK LAUGHING.]
BRENDAN: I sent like four, 'cause I wanted her to get the message.
Pretty cozy, huh? Uh Yeah.
Looks good in here.
Love it.
EVE: Brendan.
Brendan? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I brought it.
Ah, you didn't have to.
Oh.
Well Here it is, so Oh, one last thing I, uh Uh The woman at the store said that you barely have to water it.
- Oh.
- Cool.
Uh Is there anything else I can do for you guys? - Uh - No, I think that's good.
Yeah.
Can't take you guys out to lunch or anything? Uh Yeah.
Were you I'm I'll walk you to the elevator.
Okay.
It's a nice plant, Mrs.
Fletcher.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks, Zack.
- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah, you too.
[MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS.]
[STUDENTS CHATTING INDISTINCTLY.]
- EVE: Aw! - Okay.
EVE: Okay.
I love you so much.
- Ah, uh I love you too.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS.]
- EVE: Okay.
- BRENDAN: Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS.]
- BRENDAN: All right.
- Okay.
- Bye.
So, promise to text me once a day.
Okay.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
CREW LEADER: You okay, Mom? I'm not your mom, you smug fucker! [SIGHS.]
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
DELIVERY MAN: Here you go.
- Have a good night.
- Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS.]
[PORN ACTOR AND ACTRESS MOANING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
[PORN ACTRESS MOANING.]
PORN ACTRESS: Oh, my God, yes! - [SLAPPING.]
- Yes.
Yes! ["MESMERIZING" BY LIZ PHAIR PLAYS.]
[PORN ACTRESS CONTINUES MOANING.]
You ready? - I'm fucking ready.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- I think I'm this way.
All right.
- I'll see you, dude.
- Peace.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
JULIAN: Uh Is this Personal Essay? My phone's all messed up; I can't see the number.
Oh, yeah.
I guess this means we're classmates.
I'm Eve.
- I'm Julian.
- Hi.
[WHISPERS.]
Hey.