Mrs Sidhu Investigates (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Right.
Let's-get-going.
Everybody glide. Glide, glide!
Glide to the beat. That's it!
With me! Yes! Come on!
Here he is! "The Boss" man!
Move over, Danny,
time for some vitamin T!
When I say Tony, you say!
T! Whoo!
T, T, T, T, T, T!
T, T, T, T, T, T!
T, T, T, T, T, T!
Forgive me for multitasking,
Tony, but these onions
won't caramelise themselves.
First sign of madness, that.
What is? Where are you going?
Out. Bye mum!
But you've only just got
home.
What is the first sign of madness?
Do you know, Tony?
What about you Mr. Aubergine?
Oh.
Today we're going global.
Whooo!
L.A., can you hear us?!
Whooo!
is calling!
Whooo!
We're joined today by
Sharpetone's very own
pumping power couple,
Krissie and Preston Jones!
Show them love! Show them some love!
Weights up, weights up, weights up!
Five, six, seven, eight
Push, push, and squeeze and squeeze.
And squeeze, squeeze!
Three times sprint gold medallist.
The Queen!
Lori McKenzie!
Eight, seven, six,
five, four, three,
two and
Hola?
Hello?
Gloves? Kinky.
And hygienic.
Huh? No, No, No!
Come on, punk!
Make my day.
You?
Now, I don't normally deep
fry this early in the morning,
but you really must try these as well.
Oh!
And that is my son, Tez.
Uh!
I am so sorry, Simon and Sonia!
He doesn't normally live here.
No worries, Mrs. Sidhu.
We're just so grateful you
got our wedding menu sorted
before our flight home.
It's all bloody
delicious, isn't it, babe?
So, you say there's one
more goodie to sample?
Oh um, actually those
are for my contract
at Sharpetone Health Club.
Blackened cod balls in
coriander infused gram flour.
Thought you might like to try one.
Oh, no thanks I don't really like fish.
Oh, go on. Just try it.
Um
Hm.
It's like the sea.
It's, it's like the sea on holiday
when I was little.
Never say never, Sonia darling.
Right.
Well deffo stick
cod balls on our menu.
Although, could we call them something
a little less anatomical maybe?
I am so sorry, Simon, but um,
I'm not gonna be catering your wedding.
Look, if this is about money
Oh, no. It's because there
isn't going to be a wedding.
Simon, every time you
touch Sonia she flinches.
You mention the word
"wedding," and she looks like
a nervous whippet about to
bolt for the hills of Slough.
And of course, she can't tell you
because everything's booked,
the flights for family
from India and Australia, plus
that non-refundable deposit
on your overpriced venue which,
you know, is a three-star hotel
pretending to be an Elizabethan
manor just because they have
fake beams and one very
depressed peacock in the garden.
- Mum!
- But
It's much lonelier to
be in a bad marriage
than just alone.
You'll thank me one day.
Of course, I could be wrong. But
Mm.
Fine.
Thank you, Mrs. Sidhu.
Hm!
Wow!
Why do you do this, mum?
- Do what?
- This.
Minding other people's business
and freaking them out when you do.
Last week I caught Mrs.
Ramgaria from number 60
trying to hang garlic above our door.
Well yeah, Mrs. Ramgaria is an old boot
who thinks widows should sit in a corner
crying "Hai Hai" and waiting to die.
And, give me a hand
with these, will you?
Mum. Day off. Down time.
I, uh, thought your
day off was Thursday?
- They changed it.
- Hm.
Gig economy, innit?
No secrets in Slough with
the Illumin-aunties around.
You should know that by now.
It was a stupid job anyway!
Right. Well
better find another one then.
Again. Now some help, please?
I blame you for this.
Two years I've been dealing
with our son on my own.
He wasn't like this
when you were around.
Actually, what am I saying,
he totally was a little sod.
Mum! Hurry up!
Laters, pops. Mum.
Widows United. Yay.
Here.
Morning.
When you go to sleep at night ♪
And the stars are shining bright ♪
And your day has
been weary and long ♪
Just know not far away ♪
Someone will say that they miss you ♪
While you're away ♪
I'm not one for sulking ♪
Drowning in my tears ♪
But I can't help but
feel a little blue ♪
If it weren't me out there ♪
In a big old blue sea ♪
I'd be singing the same song to you ♪
I'll miss you while you're ♪
Morning, Tony.
I need every department
to do a thorough stock take.
Tony, are you listening
to me? We are losing money.
If we're aiming for a global franchise,
you've got to speculate to accumulate.
Excuse me, sorry, Mr.
Sharpe. I am a huge fan.
Thank you, erm
Mrs. Sidhu, of Sidhu's High Class
Catering, Slough and Environs.
I um I actually did your
Fat To Fit In Twenty Days
webinar during lockdown.
Right.
- Sorry, Mrs. Singh.
- Sidhu.
You'll need to speak to
Liz, our restaurant manager.
You can wait over there.
Hm.
Later.
Auntie?
Ranibeti!
Oh! Look at you, you're so
thin. You're skin and bone!
Are you eating properly?
When are you getting married?
There, got all the auntie
schtick out of the way.
You are getting married!
- Aah!
- Ssssh!
Oh, my goodness! Who is he? He
better be good enough for you.
He is. His name is Rajesh.
God, it's been a bit of a whirlwind.
We only met three months
ago but, we just fit.
- Morning, Rani.
- Hey.
His family's a bit
traditional but you know,
I'm not marrying them so?
Well, you already have a
caterer for your big day.
My gift to you. Aw!
Your mama would have
been so proud and happy.
Yeah. Shall I give you a grand tour?
- Of course.
- Come on.
Our sauna.
Ooh, lovely, very clean.
But that bossy woman with the laptop
That's Wanda, Tony's business partner.
She seems to think this
place was losing money.
You sure this is the right career move?
Chill auntie. I'm doing great.
You know who this is?
Oh, yeah.
Lori McKenzie, gold medallist.
Oh, I love her yoghurt ads.
"The Taste of The Alps
in a recyclable pot!"
Well, you are looking at
her new massage therapist.
Oh! That is wonderful!
She's here.
Rani.
Sorry, duty calls.
The kitchen's are straight
past the reception.
- Will you be alright?
- Oh, no, I'll find it.
- You go, I'll be fine.
- Okay. Okay.
Erm I'm so sorry,
just give me a moment.
I'm sure I had it.
I'm so sorry. Just a mistake.
Apologies.
It was here, it's always here.
I'm so sorry.
When did you last have it?
I don't know where it's gone.
Let me just check behind the desk.
I'm so sorry, I'll be right back.
Isn't there a spare card?
I'm just checking.
I'm sorry, you got a spare card?
Thanks.
Apologies.
Okay. Let's go.
Call the police!
Chief Inspector Burton, a word.
I'm just on way to Sharpetone, sir
Won't take long.
Firstly, good to have you back, Pete.
Well it's it's good to be back, Al.
And, Sorry to hear about you and Janine.
Ptch! Yeah.
- Do you want to talk about it?
- God no!
Thank Christ. Good man.
That's what counselling's
for, apparently.
- We done?
- Uh, no.
- There's a second thing.
- A what?
After the firstly I
mentioned previously?
Right, cause I've got
two rapidly cooling
dead bodies that I need to check on
The chief doesn't want you
working on this one, Pete.
Um, he's still dealing with
the fall out after your last
- Screw up.
- Case.
And screw up.
But, look.
I know, we all know, you
were under enormous pressure
and your sources let you down.
Yeah, so what is it?
- Report to traffic duty?
- No!
Report to double murder duty.
Sorry, um
am I off the case, or on it?
On it! You just interrupted.
I was about to tell you how
I was fighting your corner
with the chief super and I stuck
my neck out for you but you
Ruined it again. Yeah.
Well, shall I just go?
You're not much bothered either way?
Right, you have four options.
You can teach at the police college.
Buy some slippers,
take early retirement.
Or stay on here and do a good
job at the job you once loved.
And the fourthly?
Do a crap job, and you're out. We clear?
Crystal, sir.
Look, Pete.
I really am sorry about you and Janine.
I met my second wife at 55.
So, never too late.
Already is.
So very tragic. Did you know them?
No.
Yes.
What's it matter now?
Some big shot's arrived.
Should get things moving.
Sir, been covering for
you. All under control.
Yeah, I heard. Thanks, serge.
Oh. Be careful, don't mix them up.
I've introduced a new
colour coding system.
Brilliant. So what?
Red for stabbings and blue for drowning?
No, I Good one, sir.
Ah! You must be in charge.
I can always tell when the boss arrives.
- Chief Inspector Burton.
- Wanda Norris.
When do you think we
might get back to normal?
This is all highly inconvenient
for our blue chip clients.
Yeah, murder is so
socially awkward, isn't it?
But we're gonna've to close the
building to the public today.
And you'll have to stick
around to make statements.
Right. Thank you, inspector.
I'll let everyone know.
Get everyone logged and
verified. You got time of death?
We're waiting on the
post-mortem results.
- CCTV?
- None in the gym.
Exclusive clientele.
Yeah, no one wants their
sweaty arse on YouTube.
No.
But there was a live-streamed
class on at the time.
Okay, get me the
footage. Get me a coffee.
Yes, sir. This way.
- Thank you.
- Sir.
Alright? No one
puts the baby in the coroner.
Evans!
What, they sent us Evans for forensics?
Corner, coroner.
Ah. Ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Send me the most in-experienced back up
and then watch me crash and burn.
- Hm.
- Sir.
It was out of order how you
took the rap on our last job.
Everyone said so. It's
not gonna happen, again.
I won't let it. So let's do this.
- Where's my coffee?
- It's coming, sir.
Forensics are done, statements next.
- Statements?
- Oh, yeah.
The whole beautiful machine in action.
Dan King. He's one of
the fitness instructors.
Comes in for a massage,
gets an unexpected haircut.
Has he been formally identified?
Yep. Wallet intact. But
still no sign of his phone.
The other victim is Oscar Hernandez.
Night cleaner. He hears a noise
Comes in to see what
all the fuss is about
Gets his own short back and sides too.
You remember him, sir?
Oscar "Make My Day" Hernandez.
Foiled a mugging last December.
- Pensioner.
- Oh, yeah.
Christmas have-a-go hero.
But, no happy endings this time. Hm?
Oh! It looks like King was
expecting his own happy ending.
Yeah, but the question
is, who else was involved?
Oh!
Somebody's not doing their job.
Ay. Blood stained swipe entry card.
Although some
distance from the bodies.
Dropped in a panic?
You don't have to swipe out, only in.
Rani Toor.
Works at the spa.
Rani Toor.
Here's the list of everyone who signed
into the spa last night.
Rani Toor was here.
Uh, no. Rani was off sick yesterday.
Then why did she swipe
in at 8:59 last night?
- I don't know.
- Oh. What's this?
Oh, that came for Rani yesterday.
Like I said, she was off sick.
There's a gift card inside.
Addressed to Dan King.
Full house.
So, where do we find Ms. Rani Toor?
Um, I can check the system,
see where she might be?
Why didn't you tell me any of this?
- Because it doesn't make sense!
- Were you here last night?
Anyone could have nicked
my swipe card, auntie.
That's not what I asked you.
Can anyone help me find a Mrs. Sidhu?
Stay here. I'll see what I can find out.
Hi, you must be Liz.
Hello, I'm Mrs. Sidhu.
I'm sorry to be joining
you on such a sad day.
You must still be in shock.
Do you know what happened?
No. No idea.
Oscar seemed like such a nice man.
And Dan, well, Dan was Dan,
but neither of them deserved this.
Well in the, in the bad times,
good food is essential.
- These do look amazing.
- Thank you, Liz.
It's my Indian tapas. Less
than 500 calories a plate.
- But not these I presume?
- Hah.
Sadly no. Indian sweets
intended for a wedding.
Hm, lovely.
You know, I'm sure we
have met somewhere before.
How long have you been
catering manager here?
A while.
Look, I'm supposed to be helping Wanda,
and I'm meant to be getting
that inspector a coffee so
I'll do it. You go, please.
I warn you, I hear he's a grumpy sod.
Oh. I eat them for breakfast.
I'm sure we'll get along fine.
No, no, no, that'll
be fine. I'll be right back.
Oh!
What am I covered in?
I am so sorry! It's your coffee.
- It's my special turmeric latte!
- It's napalm.
Turmeric is a-is a natural
internal antiseptic,
it's very good for blood pressure.
Yeah, well, it's not
bloody working is it?
And hangovers.
You are Chief Inspector
Burton, and I am Mrs. Sidhu,
caterer here and Rani Toor's auntie.
- Where is she?
- Can we have a little chat first,
- then I'll tell you in a minute?
- Sorry?
Oh. And you really should
soak that shirt straight away.
Turmeric stains are as stubborn as I am.
Can I just direct your attention
to that mop by the exit door?
No, you may not!
- Ah
- Give me that!
I have known Rani her entire
life and she's not a murderer.
- Or a mopper, actually.
- Again with the mop.
Right, so Rani Toor is your niece?
Oh. No, no. I'm not her "auntie" auntie.
Her mother was my best friend.
It's a cultural thing?
Look, if-if Ms. Toor
has nothing to hide
then why is she so worried
about talking to me?
Clearly you didn't grow up
brown in West London, did ya?
Are you going to tell me where she is?
Or do I have to arrest
you for obstruction?
Auntie, tell them I didn't do anything!
- Inspector!
- Chief Inspector.
Chief Inspector, you
can't arrest someone
on coincidence and no evidence!
She's not arrested, yet.
But we have a lot to discuss.
Trace evidence, CCTV, dodgy alibis.
And a small matter of massage
oils sent to the victim.
I never ordered that!
So, what's your "evidence," Mrs. Sidhu?
Ah! That doesn't involve mops?
But I can still help
you. I-I-I notice things.
I know people!
- Mint?
- Sir.
You ever see any TV
shows made in the 70's?
Apparently, it was the
golden age of the quirky cop.
They had the cowboy detective,
and the fat detective
- Plus sized now, sir.
- Yeah, whatever.
Now meet lady caterer detective.
This hot pot's delicious.
I confess. I done it.
Yeah, it sounds crazy
but it might just work.
Bye, Mrs. Sidhu.
And Ineverdo hotpots!
You're still here, and you ate from
"Colonels Chuck Chuck Chicken Cottage?"
Couldn't ask you to cook again, mum.
Mainly 'cause you wasn't around.
Your cousin's in trouble.
Been taken to the police station.
What, Bunty?
Bitoo?
No, not Bally?
He won't last a day in the nick.
- Not with his asthma.
- Rani!
- Oh. Pretend cousin.
- Eh, No! She's like family.
And she needs our help. Don't you care?
Tez!
There's always someone that
needs your help, isn't there?
Whether they want it or not.
And we both need our space.
One of us has to be
the bigger person here.
So to recap, you said
you were home alone
the night Dan King died?
You took a sick day?
Like I said, it was the
office party the night before.
Felt a bit weird that day.
Really rough.
Happens, doesn't it?
Massage oil addressed to the victim,
Dan King, from you.
Your swipe card, found
at the murder scene.
And your scissors,
found buried in the chest
of Oscar Hernandez's.
Does that just happen too?
I told you, I didn't order that oil.
And why wouldn't I have given
it to him that day if I had?
Those scissors are kept
in the massage room,
and I lost my swipe card.
Okay, interview with Ms. Rani Toor
terminated at 10:54 p.m.
Yes?
Ms. Toor, I'm gonna need
you to come back in tomorrow
at 10:00 a.m. sharp to
discuss further evidence.
Can I have my phone back?
Afraid not, no.
I'll see you tomorrow.
I don't know what to do.
But I know what you'd do.
Sorry, you did mean
go and save Rani, yeah?
Yeah, I That's what I thought.
I was just checking. Okay, night.
I've been so worried, and why
are you on your friends phone?
What happened?
New evidence?
What? Oh, look, just a, gimme a second.
Tez!
Breakfast! I'm going!
Do you want me to come with you?
I really need to talk to
that Inspector Burton anyway.
If he'll listen.
No, I don't mind.
Rani?
Hello? R
Lori, listen, please, please!
No! You listen.
I've got my last European
championship coming up,
how am I supposed to focus
with all this going on?
I was just saying to Wanda,
how we realise our
sponsorship deal with you
is not nearly generous enough.
- Tony!
- Wanda.
Hi, you've reached Amelie Cox.
I can't get to the phone
but leave me a message.
Sorry, this place is a mess.
Oscar was meant to clean
it yesterday. But
You mean Oscar was supposed
to do it the day he died?
Yeah. We're down to one cleaner now.
I've brought the
wrong box up, excuse me.
Five, six, seven
Oh, no! Oh, I am so sorry.
That was totally my fault.
Let me help you! Uh?
Claudia.
Oh, go on then. Grab
those towels over there?
I'm, ah, Mrs. Sidhu.
Chef, caterer and new here.
So, um, I was wondering
I've got a class to teach in
here! Get a move on, will you?
Oh! Avoid that pillock.
- We call him Angry Bird.
- I see.
And he's a shedder. Look at that.
That's just from his running machine.
It's like cleaning up after a bear.
Hm! Oh, yes, I know, yuck.
My husband had a back
like a welcome mat.
So, um, the other night
I work days.
But you heard about our night cleaner?
Poor Oscar. Hard worker.
He was studying accountancy
in his spare time.
He was a book-keeper
in Columbia apparently.
Hm, and did you notice
anything different
last time you saw him?
No. Well, it's a silly thing.
- Yes?
- He had a new keyring.
It looked like a, a
naff little plastic skeleton.
But he was showing it off to everyone.
I know he needed money to get his nephew
and sister out of Colombia,
he said that keyring
was his lucky charm.
- A new keyring?
- Yes.
- In the shape of a skeleton?
- Hm.
Fascinating. Anything else?
What about his cleaning routine?
Anything he did different
that fateful night?
Oh, I don't know. Wanda does the rotas.
Oh, and I imagine
she's very approachable.
Nah. She's a cow. Anyway,
I'm gonna change this water.
'Scuse me.
Now it's obvious, Ms. Toor,
from your phone records
that you were in an intimate
relationship with Dan King.
Why didn't you think to mention this?
We split up about four months ago.
I dumped him because
he was cheating on me.
He came back to mine late
one night, drunk and
I just knew.
The famous female intuition?
That and the love bites on his chest,
and the lipstick on his boxers.
He couldn't even remember who she was.
I didn't think our history was relevant.
Not relevant?
That you were an ex-lover
of one of the murder victims?
I know, I should have said something.
I just wanted to
wipe that bit of my life.
I'm engaged now. I'm happy.
- Finally.
- Congratulations.
Well, maybe you can
explain these text messages
sent to Dan King, by you
a mere eight weeks ago?
"How could you do this, you bastard?
Can't believe you, you scumbag!
Tosser.
I could kill you."
Mate, if you spent as much time
on your abs as you did your hair
you'd maybe be half as fit as Krissie.
Your girlfriend is fit.
I'll tell you what,
I've got about an hour
until my next client, how
about you come and help me
work off these extra pounds?
That's more like it.
Dickhead.
Amelie, we have ten
listed on the invoice
and there are only seven here.
Where are the other three?
- Err
- Wanda, is it?
Yes, what?
I can see I've caught you at a bad time.
I do apologise.
I-I'm not having a great day myself.
Actually, it's
it's coming up to my mother's
death anniversary so
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.
I think I'm just gonna go home
and cuddle my big old stupid cat.
- I'm more of a dog person.
- Oh, me too.
My cat's stupid but my dog,
he, he always knows when
I need a bit of puppy love.
I lost my mum last year.
That's when I got Spartacus.
Oh, ho! Adorable!
- Double time?
- Yeah.
I'm gonna enjoy this.
Hm. So, on that day
Oscar's shift was moved
later to accommodate
Tony's live gym class with L.A.
- Hm.
- Why do you want to know?
Just fancied myself as
a bit of a detective.
Stick to cooking.
You're brilliant at that.
Everybody glide. Glide, glide!
Glide to the beat. That's it!
With me! Yes! Come on!
Now you're not telling
us something, Ms. Toor,
and unless you start to talk
Yes?
For the tape, DS Mint
has entered the room.
I am DS Mint entering the
room. Sorry to interrupt, sir.
I need to ask Rani a
couple of questions.
How did Dan get on with Preston?
- Why do you ask?
- It's in my job description.
Peas in a pod.
Two laddy lads together.
Actually, Dan tried it
on with Krissie once.
Preston hated that.
So, would you say Preston
Jones was jealous of the victim?
He threatened to punch Dan.
Anyone who even looked at her.
Did he?
Sir, I need to speak to you outside.
The live-stream footage shows
Dan King leaving the
class halfway through.
And Preston Jones following
shortly afterwards.
Okay.
Right, we go back to the
gym, we talk to Preston.
De Vries wants a report
by the end of today,
and at the moment we've got nothing.
This could be good.
Let her go and tell her not to go far.
Yes, sir.
Come on! Harder!
Not man enough for this, no?
Can't cut it can you, T?
You're all talk and no jockstrap.
- Inspector!
- Not you, not now.
Preston Jones, where?
- Um
- Come on.
I think I saw him go
to the gym with Tony.
- This way?
- Yes. Straight down there.
No!
- Jesus Christ!
- No. Oscar Hernandez.
In case you hadn't heard, he's dead.
And if he wasn't, he'd be in prison.
- What's this?
- It's a memory stick.
It's a stick with memory on it.
Thank you for clearing that
up. If you'll excuse me.
Wanda has a similar one for
the accounts system here.
She's frantic that stock
keeps going missing.
This one belonged to Oscar Hernandez.
He needed money to get his
family over from Columbia.
I think he was stealing from the gym,
and the evidence is on here.
And I think
you need to get a life, Mrs. Sidhu.
Yeah!
Never mind, mate. It happens.
Not to me. But it happens.
Are you alright?
Yeah, I'm fine, yeah.
Good. We need to talk.
Follow me. Chop chop.
So
you told us you were
in the live-stream class
the night Dan King died.
Now what you failed to mention
how
What you failed to mention was the fact
that you left the class halfway through,
not long after Dan King did.
Yeah, well, I went to the toilet.
For half an hour?
What? Problem with the Lycra?
Yeah, alright, okay? I left
the class to meet up with Rani.
We've been having a thing
but I arranged to meet her
that night to break it off.
Okay so, you lied to the police
during a double murder investigation
to cover up an affair?
Didn't want Krissie to find out.
She's my whole world. Alright?
If she found out, she'd leave me.
Yeah, well, she's gonna find out
when you testify in court, isn't she?
Which I presume you would do?
- Uh, yeah.
- Okay. That's it.
I need to go. I'll be in touch.
Seriously? Beard like
that, two women on the go?
Plus, lying through his teeth.
Yeah. Half an hour to break up?
In my experience, twenty seconds tops,
and that includes the begging.
Speak to Rani.
See is she'll confirm his
alibi which she will do,
because they're both hiding something.
On it.
Mmm.
You're right.
Oscar was hacking our system, look here,
makes it look like he
ordered ten rowing machines,
we actually only ordered seven,
he pockets the nine grand difference.
As I understand it, he was trying
to get his family out of Colombia.
No excuse. Little toe-rag.
I came from nothing, look at me now.
Well, it's good to hear you
remember what that feels like.
I've been tracking this for months.
You solve it in a day.
Inspector, you're a genius.
Well, I-I-I don't know about that.
Neither do I.
I mean, obviously the inspector
knows that all good police work
is team work, isn't it?
Sorry, Mrs. Sidhu, do
you need to be in here?
What did you say to the police?
They're seriously thinking
I'm a suspect now, Preston.
I'm sick of this. I'm telling
them what happened that night.
Yeah, well, I presume I
don't have to remind you
why you can't do that?
Besides, you should be thanking me.
I told them we were together.
What?
Yeah, I said we were doing the dirty
and we met up to break it off.
So you're fine.
Just don't mess it up now, yeah?
Hey, babe!
No, just some routine questioning.
Yeah, it's all done, it's all fine
- What did Rani say?
- Ah, you were right.
She confirmed Preston's alibi.
Said they were both nervous
about their other halves finding out.
Nervous enough to risk
going down for murder?
Nah. Doesn't fly.
Why are they protecting each other?
Anything back from post-mortem?
Yep. Dan King had five deep stab wounds.
Not easy with a pair of scissors.
Right, so someone was pretty
passionate about hurting him.
- Have you found King's phone?
- Not at the moment.
But the killer's had
plenty of time to dump it.
But Rani's texts were pretty hard core.
Uh, bitter dumped ex.
Yeah, we all say things we regret later.
Anyway, it's circumstantial.
My gut is saying Rani didn't do it.
And my guts, as we know,
should shut the hell up.
The super? Four missed call
Shouldn't you take that?
No. Let's get back to the station.
Here you go, darling.
Masala chai.
The ginger helps nerves and digestion.
Thank you.
You know, trapped truth
is like trapped wind.
It will always find a way out,
usually at the most inconvenient time.
In a crowded lift. Or once in
a seniors yoga class in my case.
You still haven't told me why
the police called you in again?
Auntie
I was here.
The night of the murders.
But not in the spa.
- I was I met up with
- Preston. I know.
You know?
My mum was right, you are a witch.
And you have always had such
terrible taste in men, Rani.
Honestly, you've got a whole
biscuit box to choose from
and you go for the stale custard cream,
and those horrible ones
that look like they've got
dead flies in them.
- Garibaldi?
- Yeah, that's the one.
Sorry, who's the Garibaldi here?
Dan! Dan King is the Garibaldi!
You think I'm double dunking?
Well, triple dunking
if you count Rajesh.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just asking
No.
You're assuming.
Just like everyone else in Slough.
You know, I've-I've had it for years.
"Look at that Rani, no
parents, not married,
running around living a, a life."
'Course I'd have two, three
blokes on the go, right?
Even though I'm engaged now, to
a nice boy from a good family,
and that's still not enough
to make me respectable?
No. I I didn't mean
You know, most of the burned witches
were just independent, single women.
I thought you'd know what it feels like
to be judged and condemned.
I do.
I'm sorry.
And I believe you.
But, there's still something
you are not telling me.
So tell me. Please.
It's complicated.
- I can't think!
- But you must.
The police have got no firm
suspects and they will be back.
Is there anywhere you can
lay low for a few days?
- With somebody you can trust?
- Oh
Maybe. With my friend Amelie.
But the police told me to stay put.
You leave Inspector Burton to me.
Okay?
Inspector. You wanted evidence.
Not that you deserve this,
but it's all in there.
This is a recipe for crab korma.
Read the rest. Oh, don't be so stubborn.
Come on, inspector, it is
just an hour of your time.
And we both know that you owe me.
- Fine. One hour.
- Great. It's not far.
I'll drive.
Sir, you're not seriously hot footing it
with the crazy hotpot lady?
Mint, sometimes, if you
want someone to shut up,
you've got to listen to 'em first.
Belt up!
Here we are.
You can stay as long as you like.
Thanks, Amelie.
- It's just been so crazy.
- I know.
I don't have my clothes.
I need my things.
Hey. Don't risk it.
- I'll drive to your flat.
- Would you?
- 'Course.
- Thanks so much, Amelie.
You and my auntie are the only people
who have got my back right now.
Yeah, thanks.
Listen
everyone knew what Dan was like.
I didn't do it.
Of course.
Okay.
Bear with me for just
a minute, inspector.
I-I just want to show you something
I've been thinking about.
So inspector.
Uh-huh.
What makes you think this
was a crime of passion?
Well, Dan King had five
deep stab wounds to the chest
and the heart area, so,
I'd say jealousy's a motive.
Maybe, yeah. But how about
So normally, Oscar starts his
cleaning routine in the gym,
but that night the class runs
late, so he starts in the spa.
He hears a noise, he rushes
towards the treatment room.
Oh, but no, he's still holding his mop.
So he puts the mop up against
the treatment room door,
rushes inside and
But we know the mop
was at the back door.
- Not the treatment room door.
- Mm-mm.
I know it was by the
treatment room door.
Because there was a stain.
So who moved the mop?
Right, so they didn't want
to leave footprints so,
the killer mopped behind
them as they left, yeah, so?
So, do these sound like
the actions of a young woman
who has just killed her
lover in moment of rage?
Move the carrom board, please.
Oh, no, no, no, no, I
don't have time to eat.
Oh, don't be silly.
Food isn't just fuel.
It's history. It's
memory. It's communication.
And, it's getting cold. So eat.
Tom Yum soup with lemongrass,
fresh ginger and shrimp.
And you will love it.
A career in the police never appealed?
It might have once upon a time, but
my mother was widowed when I was 13,
so my life choices and my
world changed overnight.
But I would say that our jobs
are quite similar, inspector.
Oh yeah?
Do you know what my
favourite Ted Talk is?
- Mmm?
- "The Brain In Our Gut."
Also known as the
enteric nervous system.
Two thin layers of a
hundred million nerve cells
in our gastric tract.
That is brain cells in our stomachs.
And they need good
food to work properly.
And they speak to us. All the time.
Nausea when you're nervous, butterflies
when you fall in love, cramps
when you fall out again.
I think it's where intuition lives.
I mean, there's a reason it's
called gut instinct right?
- Good chefs have it.
- And good coppers too.
- And the worst thing we can do
- Is ignore it yeah.
- Apple crumble cake?
- Oh, no, no, not for me.
No, I really, really have to go.
Oh. Okay, um, well, let
me drop you somewhere.
No! Please.
Um I prefer to walk. But,
thank you, Mrs. Sidhu. Thanks.
Oh, um, inspector you,
you forgot something
Took your time.
- You searched Dan King's locker?
- Yeah. Nothing in it.
In fact, there was nothing
of his in the whole club.
Right, and that didn't
strike you as strange?
Yeah. It is.
- Have you been eating garlic?
- Just drive, sergeant.
Back to the gym.
Oh.
Ah!
So Dan King was leaving then, was he?
What makes you think that, inspector?
Well, all his personal effects removed.
Him being replaced on
the "Elite" programme.
You don't kill someone for being a prat.
Least I wouldn't. If I did,
I'd be topping people all day.
Anyway, I was on stage
almost the whole time.
Yeah. Almost being the operative word.
I went to get some water.
What did you fall out over? Women?
Seems to be the running theme here.
I sacked Dan. His extra
curricular activities
were becoming embarrassing.
Inspector, if we want
to terminate someone,
we go to human resources.
Sir, we've found Dan King's phone.
Rani sent a message
asking him to meet her
at the spa the night he died.
Right. Where can I find
Rani Toor now, please?
- Oh, she's gone.
- She what? When?
About lunchtime. Same time as you.
I'll get officers to check her flat.
I've been played, haven't I?
Tom Yum soup and carrom board!
I bloody fell for it!
Oh, good. Tez, you're not going
back to yours tonight are you?
Can't live without me, innit?
Well, as you begged so nicely.
Good, because I am way behind
on this Sharpetone order,
so you can start by chopping
those onions, please?
They make me cry.
And everything you cook makes me smell.
Doesn't stop you eating it, does it?
All your life I have stood in
this kitchen cooking for you,
and you can't even boil an egg.
What's that say about you?
I hate eggs. Always have.
They give me the runs.
What does that say about you, mum?
I'll get my things.
Inspector, has there been
a development in the case?
Mrs. Sidhu, I am arresting
you for perverting
the course of a police enquiry.
- Oh, don't be silly!
- What's going on?
Oh, don't forget to turn
the gas off under the daal!
- Mum!
- Your supper is under foil by the bread bin!
Take the foil off before
you put it in the oven.
Forty minutes, 160 fan.
Where is Rani Toor?
- Where did she go?
- Rani has got alibi!
Preston told you!
Well, we have reason to believe that
Ms. Toor's gonna meet Dan
at the spa the night he died.
And we have evidence.
Ever since we met,
you've been leading me
a merry dance, haven't ya?
Mops.
Keyrings.
Accounts. Soup.
She didn't do it. I know it.
And so you do, in your guts.
You're letting the real killer get away.
Well, now I know how you drove
your husband to a heart attack.
Or maybe you just drove
him to the shops, yeah,
yeah, that'll do the trick.
And your wife left you
and now your best
friend lives in a bottle!
Wake up before it's too late.
You tell me where she is.
Why don't you lock her up, Mint?
Yeah, let's see how a night in
the cells refreshes that memory.
- Sir?
- Do it.
Arterial fat. That's
what killed my husband.
You might want to get that
blood pressure checked out.
Nothing much changes.
Nothin' in here!
Now you lock me in, daddy!
You've been inside before?
In and out my whole life.
Prefect day.
- How're you?
- Hey.
Oh, hiya.
- Hi
- It's, uh, Amelie.
I, uh, I spilled drinks
on you at the works do?
But I sent flowers to say sorry.
- Oh, was that you?
- Did they not put a card in it?
I literally told them to send one.
- I'm so sorry!
- No, it's okay.
Just another excuse for
Preston to do his nut.
I'm so sick of it.
Yeah, but you two though, you're
like, perfect Insta couple
Yeah. Exactly. We're a
brand. But only as a pair.
So guess I'm stuck
with him for now, right?
Joking. Obvs.
Yeah, it's fine. Everyone's
pretty on edge at the moment.
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- So awful what's happened.
You know, the police have been
interviewing Rani for hours?
Have they? Huh.
That explains why Preston's
been sniffing round her.
Always finds the damsels in distress.
Yeah, but she really is though.
Poor girl, everyone's
gossiping about her,
she probably lost her job.
And she's always
suffered with depression.
I'm pretty worried
about her to be honest
I had no idea.
That sucks.
Alright, that's it. Self-care time.
Now that we can finally
use the spa again.
- I'm gonna have a seaweed wrap.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Ah, sounds like a great idea.
Me too, and a hot stone massage.
Ooh.
And one of those Elemis
Frangipangy sets from the shop.
For both of us. My treat.
What? Amelie, can you afford this?
Listen, occasionally, daddy
picks up a few treats for me
and my friends, so shall we?
Sir. I don't think you should
have locked Mrs. Sidhu up.
Why not? She's been doing my job. Badly.
And I think you need to see this.
Chief Inspector Burton! My office. Now!
You have been avoiding me.
And now our main suspect
Rani Toor, has somehow
managed to disappear!
Care to tell me who screwed up?
Yeah, me. My misjudgement.
Size 11, sir.
- What?
- Slippers.
If I'm to step down, I may as well
have the appropriate footwear.
Resignation accepted.
Ah, God. You were once
a very good cop, Pete.
I hoped you would get a
last chance to show it.
I thought I put the "do
not disturb" sign out.
- You're free to go.
- Of course I am.
And how am I supposed to get home?
I'll give you a lift.
Well, you better take me straight
to the health club, inspector.
Thanks to you, I've lost my
pay-check and my contract.
Look, I had no idea who your father was.
- Mm-hm.
- He was a legend.
Why didn't you say something?
Because my father taught me
justice is blind and carries scales.
No favours because of who you are.
Well, you won't get any from me.
- Did you read it?
- Hm.
Yeah, I'd like to say it was a complete
train wreck of insane gibberish.
- Oh.
- But I can't.
True, there are random
flights of speculation.
And too many pointless recipes.
Having said that, there are some
genuine moments of inspiration.
Thank you. I think.
Has it changed your mind about my niece?
Well, it looks like the
case will be passed over.
I-I'm moving on, elsewhere.
I am genuinely sorry about Rani.
Well. It's not over yet.
And I'm not giving up on her.
- Didn't think you would.
- But, I'm sorry you're leaving.
You're a good man and I
don't often say that to blokes
who've locked me up.
Oh, my word.
I've been so stupid.
- I wouldn't say stupid
- Yeah, I've-I've got to go.
Unbelievable.
These look delicious, Tez.
Go on, give it a try then.
- Are you mad?
- Oi, what you doing?
Better than prison food.
I'm so sorry, I thought I
saw a fly on your cod ball.
All okay?
All great as usual.
I mean, you you cooked all of this?
It's easy. Dunno why you
make it look so complicated.
- Uh-huh.
- What were you arrested for?
Mental driving in an offensive cardigan?
No! I was, I was trying to help Rani.
Ah, she's one pretend cousin too far.
Still. Least I got myself a bad ass mum.
Yeah, well, don't get any ideas.
One "badass" in the
family is quite enough.
Liz, I have remembered.
You are Liz Claydon, body
builder of the year 2016?
- Why didn't you tell me?
- To be honest Mrs. Sidhu.
I don't like to talk about it.
It wasn't a good time,
the pressure, the drugs.
I made a choice to look
after myself and move on.
I couldn't end up like the
people here, like Preston.
I'm surprised he's not rattling
the amount of steroids he must be on.
Yeah, he's a bit extra.
Thank you, Liz.
And you are beautiful
because you've survived.
We all need to hear that.
You move quickly, Krissie.
Nice work though! Aim high!
- Bed the boss, yeah!
- What is the matter with you?
We just talking!
- Jog on, Preston.
- Yeah, chill, Preston.
You're an embarrassment.
Preston! Stop it!
Do you want some?!
- Do you want some?!
- Okay!
Tony!
- Come on then!
- Preston! Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it! Someone stop them!
Or do something! Somebody
call someone! Please, Preston!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Don't touch my head!
- Don't!
- Okay, okay, okay!
What's that? What's that? Get off!
- No, Krissie!
- What is that?
- Don't look!
- It's from his head!
- What is that?
- What's happened to you?
- Krissie, I love you!
- Love? You don't love me!
You disgust me. And you scare me!
Hair loss. Aggression. Paranoia.
All side effects
from steroids.
What does that explain
the jealousy? Gas-lighting?
Messing around with Rani?
All Rani was doing that night
was helping me fix my hair.
Dying my greys.
Okay?
We've been doing it regularly.
To help me feel normal!
So she was fixing your hair
the night of the murder?
Oh, my God.
What, you knew that girl was innocent?
And you were gonna let her take
the rap, because of your hair?
Okay, can we calm down?
Mint, squad car, ASAP.
Give me that!
You are gonna watch while I wipe
every bit of me from your phone.
We are done!
Tell Rani the good news
and get her home. Okay?
- Okay. On it.
- Preston?
Why did Rani protect you?
What did you threaten her with?
Oh, my God.
I think I know.
- Show me.
- It's Dan and Rani. Disgusting.
Looks like blackmail, Mr. Jones.
- Spread the word, okay?
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Blackmail and perverting
the course of justice.
Good work, inspector.
Shame you couldn't find
the actual murderer.
Go out with a bang,
rather than a whimper.
This is all so
toxic for my reputation
my legacy.
I can't stay, Tony. I'm sorry.
- Lori, please.
- Come on.
I have to think of my fans here.
I represent hope to them.
I want them to care about themselves,
not pump themselves full of drugs.
I hear you.
I hear you.
- Why isn't Rani picking up?
- Yep.
The Tez-meister saved the day.
It's funny, if I still had my old job
I would have been working nights.
Lucky for you, my schedule changed.
What?
He changed his routine to
collect blackmail money.
Oscar was the one who
was lured to the spa!
Thank you, Tez!
The hair, mum? Cuh.
Tez! What's the biggest
fear of your life?
Aliens.
Not alien invasion, but
literally the film "Aliens"
will be rebooted by a
second rate director.
I think the biggest fear in
anyone's life is not being seen
and not being loved.
Rani needs me now, and I have to go.
But what about all the food?
I mean, it shouldn't,
it's nearly done, you just
turn the oven off in ten minutes,
and turn the bhajis in the fryer in two.
But I can't do all
that without a recipe.
Tez, you got this. I see you.
- And I love you.
- Go!
- Do your thing, mum.
- Okay.
With my compliments.
- Burton.
- Inspector?
Oh, thank God, don't resign yet,
you are gonna to want to hear this.
Sidhu, are you driving?
Yes, and I've just realised.
I have made a huge mistake.
- What, just the one?
- Oscar didn't get in the way.
He was always the intended victim.
He wasn't forced to change his routine.
He changed it deliberately.
Mirror, signal, manoeuvre and continue.
Tony is spending money like it's water,
and someone is exploiting
it to pass off bogus invoices
and pocket the money.
But to keep it up, they
need two sets of accounts.
One for the audit kept on a memory key,
and one black set on
a second memory key.
But, oh, no, they lose
their memory stick.
Who's gonna find it?
The cleaner, of course.
Now Oscar can't pull off a
complex fraud but he knows
when he's looking at black accounts.
He needs money to bring his
family over from Colombia,
so now he's got leverage to make some,
by blackmailing the fraudster.
Next morning, he makes
sure everyone gets a look
at his fancy new keyring.
It's bait for whoever's
fiddling the numbers.
And it's not long before he gets a bite
a text asking him to meet in the spa.
Right, so he arranges a late
night meet up at the spa!
Yes, yes, Oscar is the intended victim,
but the killer has a plan
to frame someone else, Rani,
so they want Dan to
look like the target.
The killer gets hold of Rani's phone,
sends Dan a text inviting
him for a private massage,
the next night, and deletes
the text straight after
so she won't see it.
Right, so someone
must've spiked Rani's drink
at the works party, which meant
she wouldn't be at work the next day
and wouldn't bump into Dan.
Exactly, inspector! So
Dan turns up ready for fun.
Oscar arrives, hears his screams,
charges in and gets the same treatment.
So the stage is set, a
womaniser, a jealous lover,
and a good Samaritan who got in the way.
But Oscar has
taken some precautions of his own.
He's hidden the memory stick.
So who had access to the
accounts and Rani's phone,
and who is living a life
beyond their apparent means?
And who did Dan cheat with on Rani?
Thanks, Amelie. Thank God this is over.
I have a little surprise for you inside.
- Oh, okay.
- No, allow me.
Still got your keys!
Always the quiet ones. Where is she?
Should be at Rani's flat by now.
- I'm nearly there.
- What?
No, no, you wait for back
up. Sidhu? Mint! Car, now!
Yes, sir!
Oh, my God.
Amelie.
I do love your sound system by the way.
Feel like we need some music, you know?
Get me in the zone. I
really like this one.
What is all this?
Amelie!
Hey! Stop it!
Amelie, look, I like
you. But, not in this way.
Oh, you really love yourself, don't you?
What?
No wonder you couldn't
stop stealing money.
- Me?
- A little here, a little there.
So you could have a few nice things.
None of this stuff is mine, it's yours.
Your dad buys it for yo
There is no dad, is there?
But it's all caught up
with you now, hasn't it?
The debts, the police,
and the final nail
Dan cheating on you.
You?
God, what a let down he was.
- Literally.
- You?
You were the one night stand with Dan?
Amelie, you need help.
No, Rani, you do.
Everybody knows you're suicidal.
Mainly because I keep telling them.
I-I rushed over to tell
you, you're in the clear.
But you know you did it.
And you just can't cope with the guilt.
Such a shame I didn't get
here in time, before
you slashed your wrists.
No!
I'm outside Rani's flat now.
- Help! Help!
- Who's that?
- Rani?
- Look, wait there.
Do not go in!
- The door's locked!
- Good.
You've got a spare key, haven't ya?
Sidhu? Mrs. Sidhu!
Foot down.
No!
And the good news is, me
and Krissie are friends now.
And your tragic suicide is
gonna bring us even closer.
I'm not armed.
- Auntie!
- I I-I just want to talk.
Sorry, what is this?
Super-Gran to the rescue? Love it.
What you gonna do,
curry me into submission?
Yeah Yeah, I grew
up pretending to laugh
at jokes like that.
I-I mean, it's exhausting
isn't it, Amelie?
Being so desperate to fit in,
like using your lunch money
to buy friends in the playground.
I used to do that too, but, you know,
when the money runs
out, so do the friends.
- So you had to keep going.
- Just just stop, old lady.
- Just, stop.
- Don't, auntie. Stay there.
Oscar, he was a single
blow, but Dan, wow,
that-that must have been tough.
Five deep angry wounds,
how did you make it
look like a crime of passion?
How did Dan react when he saw
that it was you and not Rani?
He didn't even recognise
you. Another invisible woman.
Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry.
- Just get back!
- Leave her alone!
Get out of my head, "auntie."
This is why Rani's gonna kill you.
And then, kill herself
because you just wouldn't shut up!
Okay, drop it. Drop the knife.
Get it! Wait, wait, wait!
Mint, are you okay?
Think I caught my coccyx on landing,
but otherwise, fine, sir.
Okay, take her away.
- Amelie Cook, you have the right to remain silent.
- Here. Take that.
- Nice one, Mint. Good work.
- Thanks, sir.
Don't touch me!
So why didn't you tell me
that Preston was blackmailing
you with that, his film?
You saw it.
Dan liked to record his conquests.
Send them to his grubby little friends.
Like Preston.
I didn't even know I was being filmed.
Preston said he'd put it online
if I didn't keep his secrets.
Rajesh would have seen
it, his family, everyone.
So you would rather be charged
with murder than let a man
Slut shame me. Yeah.
My God. Well, what does
that say about us all?
Now you listen to me, if
Rajesh judges you for this,
he is not man enough for you.
The shame is theirs, not yours.
Never ours okay?
- It's Rajesh.
- Go, go.
Hi, babe.
- Calm down. Calm down.
- God, please get off me!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
I haven't done anything wrong!
'I haven't done anything!
I haven't done anything!'
- Well, that was, uh
- Our first collar together!
How exciting was that?!
Unbelievable.
- Cheers, see you at the station.
- See you there, sir.
- Nooo!
- Congratulations, Pete!
So uh, what changed
your mind about leaving?
It feels good to get the win again, sir.
Ah!
What's this? Codename "Soup"?
Hmm. It's a new source
which I can't reveal for now.
Right, well, I look
forward to when you do.
Welcome back, inspector. Again.
'm Lori McKenzie, three
time gold medalist,
inviting you on our
exciting new initiative.
But first, let me introduce you
to Sharpetone's brand new ambassador.
I'm Liz Claydon, and I'm living proof
of the harm body image can do.
"Take a Step" isn't about
having the perfect body.
It's about taking a step
in the right direction.
Go for a jog, take a walk,
anything you can do that's sustainable
Whatever your level.
Cut. Well done, that was great.
So this is both of your faults really.
You left me at 13, made me stronger.
You left me at 55 and even
though it hurt like hell,
you set me free.
Is it okay to say
that I finally like it?
If I can pull you away from the
cupboard of death for a moment?
- Shrine, if you don't mind.
- Whatever.
Now the screen's frozen.
Something's burning.
And my sheets need changing. You coming?
Great to have a man
about the place again.
Night-night.