Nowhere Boys (2013) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
Season 1, Episode 1 What are you doing? - It's pawpaw.
It's fruit, right? - It's for itchy crotch.
That doesn't sound good.
We should get moving.
Come on.
Now.
Killer storm.
Run! Faster, nerd, faster! ___ Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air, elements that we don't share.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again Felix! Cut it out.
Hey, Oskie, want to hear my rad new song? Sure.
Felix, get your father.
Get your father! - Dad! - We need to go.
I'm fine, Mum.
Really, I want to go to school.
- He says he's fine.
- Well, the thermometer says differently.
- Have you got the car keys? - Where did you leave them? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Here they are.
You need to make your own lunch and pack the dishwasher too.
- Did you sign my permission form? - What form? - Mum! - Great song.
Ken, can you call Dr Atkin? Can you forge my mum's signature? - Or we could just not go.
- It's compulsory.
Come on, Ellen.
Forgery is your superpower.
And I should be using it for pure evil, like identity theft, - not some dumb bushwalk.
- It'll be fun.
We'll hang out together, make cutting, insightful observations about our fellow students, except it will be in nature.
- I hate nature.
- I arranged for us to be together.
- Pen.
- Thank you.
Oh, hey - want to listen to this new song I wrote? Water, fire, earth and air - That's good! - It is, isn't it? Sarah, open up! Come on, Sarah.
I know you're in there, come on! - You're gonna be late for school.
- You're gonna be late for work.
You're three weeks late with the rent again.
- Just duck out the back.
- Not with him at the door.
Sarah, I know you're in there.
I know you can hear me.
I'll deal with it.
Come on, Sarah.
Seriously.
Don't tell the whole town about my private business.
- Is that what this is about, Phil? - Well, no, Sarah.
Why don't you hassle my ex for the child support he owes? If Gary paid his debts, I could pay mine and the world would be a better place.
Yeah.
Well, you know that I can't get it from Gary.
Welcome to my world.
Jakie? Have a good one, huh? My dad's a loser.
What can I say? Bye, Sarah.
I'm not sick, Nonna! I'm sorry, Mr Bates, we just don't think it's a good idea.
Andy has so many allergies.
Bush is bad place! Many poison things sting you.
You probably die.
Look, behind you! Come back, you silly boy! - Catch your brother! - Watch out! Your high-impedance filter should be before your low-pass filter.
No, it shouldn't.
Dad! Mum and Nonna won't let me go on the school excursion.
And, if I don't go, it could impact my future.
I might not even get into medicine.
Tell me, how does a bushwalk relate to medical studies? - Or law! - Either one.
Team building.
Team dynamics? Working in a team! Come on, Dad.
Bear Grylls's mum would have let him go.
Oh, man, that drive was scary.
- Your brother's doing very well.
- He went through a stop sign, Mum.
And he nearly hit a woman with a walking frame.
I'd have got her if she didn't move so fast.
Hey, hey! Are we still capturing our stunt? Oh, yeah, man, I should get the camera.
- Mum, I'm dedicating it to you.
- What a suck.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
And, Sam, I've got a special feast planned for tonight.
- Lamb roast? - With barbecue sauce.
- Yeah - Sweet! - Sam, say hello to Mia.
- Ooh, Mia! See you later, suckers.
Say hi, Sam Have a good day.
Boy band's here.
"Ooh, I'm so good-looking.
Everyone loves me.
" - He's such an air-head.
- His girlfriend is so far up herself.
Good morning, bushwalkers.
Ready to leave your comfort zones? Andy, you made it.
Hand me your permission slips before you get on the bus.
Thank you, Andy.
Although I don't like the look of those clouds.
And he scores goal for Bremin! - Awesome goal.
- Jack, you hit the post? Beat it, freak! Oops, sorry.
I thought it was your head.
Alright, everyone on the bus.
- After you, Andy.
- Bates! Favouritism.
Jacob, it's 'sir' to you.
Permission slip, please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Sorry! Sorry.
Sorry.
Is that the stink of rotting flesh? When's the last time you rejects had a shower? - So funny - Yeah.
- Do you remember what day it is? - Um Friday? It's our anniversary.
Oh, a year.
Already.
Wow! It's awesome, babe.
Thank you.
Hey, I'm shooting a sponsorship video tomorrow and I'm gonna be skating a 12-stair rail.
Hey, come along and cheer.
You're gonna look great.
Thanks.
OK, listen up - welcome to the year-10 science excursion, which is quite literally a walk in the park, the Bremin Ranges National Park.
In groups of four, you will orienteer a 7km walk to a pick-up point marked on your map.
You are expected to identify flora and, with any luck, fauna.
Now In the interests of breaking down social barriers and as a little treat for me, I have preselected the groups, so don't expect to be with any of your friends.
- She freaks me out.
- Who? Witch lady.
Maybe she'll turn us into zombies.
I think she'd starve if she ate your brains.
Funny.
OK, Year-10s, form groups of four as I call out your names.
Daniel, Alexis, Tammy, Mike.
Mia, Trent, Dylan and Ellen.
- I thought we were together.
- He must've changed it.
Next is Christian, Michelle, John and Kathy.
Join your group, Ellen.
I'm not going! Then we have Jake, Sam and they are with Andy and Felix.
Brains and brawn.
Excellent choice, sir.
Seriously? Sir, are you right in the head? - No, I'm your teacher, Jake.
- Hey, brainy dude Which leaves Shirley, Madeline and Brian.
Come on, let's hitchhike back to town.
I heard that, Ellen, and no, obviously.
Now one member from each team, come and get a map and a compass.
You will orienteer.
- Did you get a map? - Got it.
At the third marker, lunch and refreshment will be provided.
Aim to be there by 1:30 pm or miss out.
And I expect you all to be at the fourth and final marker by 4pm on the dot.
No late-comers.
Yeah.
And how am I supposed to win with these netballers? It's a team-building exercise, Jack, it's not a race.
- It's always a race.
- Let's do it.
Come on.
Can't you just go a little faster? I could if I wasn't carrying twice my body weight in food.
Wait up! You know this is a half-day stroll, right, not a five-day trek.
In my family, this is travelling light.
- What is this? - Chicken's feet.
Ooh, disgusting! Bear Grylls drinks liquid squizz from a camel's stomach.
What is wrong with you? - What's with the hole? - It's a poncho, obviously In case it gets cold.
I'll poncho you to death if Trent beats us.
Get it? Sure.
No poncho.
Come on, we can still win.
I guess we'd better humour him.
- What about recording the flora? - Trees, trees and more trees.
'Eucalypts proliferate.
' Yo, losers! I can't believe he beat us.
Footie coach says, when you're going through hell, keep going.
That was Winston Churchill.
Goths say, if you're going through hell, stop, 'cause you've arrived.
Look, Trent's beating us, and he's got real girls on his team.
I resent that.
If you want to win so much, there's a short cut.
This way.
Good one, Dracula.
Let's go.
Maybe it's not such a good idea to leave the path.
- Can I see that map? - Just concentrate on keeping up.
- Short cut to where? - Well, it looked like a short cut.
I'M the map guy.
- We should have brought a GPS.
- Nothing.
We're officially nowhere.
- Meaning, we're lost.
- Great.
Well done, freak.
We're not lost.
He's slipping! Is everyone OK? - Whoa! - Did anyone see my backpack? - Or the map? - You lost the map? - You're the map guy! - Totally failed there, dude.
- Bear Grylls would find a river.
- Why, to get nude and eat a slug? Waterways lead to civilisation.
My dad reckons that if you point the 12 when you watch at the sun, north is halfway between the hour hand and 12.
But I guess he wasn't wearing a digital.
Come on.
- Food break.
- Again? - What is wrong with your metabolism? - Guys Come on.
Let's go.
Mr Bates! What time is it? - It's 4:08.
- They'll wait for us, right? There's your bag, Andy.
We've been walking in circles.
Does it have any food in it? I could eat my own arm.
You know, your body can't digest its own flesh.
- I was joking.
- Oh.
- They'll send a search party - Or a helicopter.
- Hey, we're gonna be on the news! - Bear Grylls would light a fire.
Any idiot would light a fire.
Haven't you ever been camping? My family's from Singapore.
We don't camp, we shop.
Mr Bates! Mr Bates! - I'm freezing.
- Yeah.
I wouldn't mind a poncho right about now.
Do you think we'll starve to death before we're rescued? Like the rugby team that crash-landed in the Andes? - What rugby team? - Just Forget I said that.
Said what? It was freezing cold, supplies were running low, and - And? - What? They ran out of food and had to eat each other.
A-alive? The ones that died in the crash.
They were cannibals, not zombies.
- What does human flesh taste like? - Shut up! - Did they cook it? - No fire.
They had to eat it raw, like sushi.
- Sashimi.
Sushi has rice.
- Oh, my Mum makes the best fried rice.
What was that? Have you guys heard that story about the giant panther living in this forest? It's totally a myth, dude.
Man.
Rain! - I like the rain.
- Come on! How about some music to just cheer us up? Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air, elements that we all share.
Water, wash our sins away.
Earth, guide us to a place.
Wind brings with it fear.
Flames of fire, we must face.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again.
That was supposed to be cheerful? Great.
What are you doing? - It's pawpaw.
It's fruit, right? - It's for itchy crotch! That doesn't sound good.
We should get moving.
Come on.
Killer storm.
Run! Run! It's getting closer! Faster, nerd, faster! This way! - Whoa! Whoa! - Don't attack us! Hang on, you're attacking me, aren't you? - No, we're lost.
- And we're starving.
And being chased.
By nature.
Well, there's nothing there now.
Oh, no, help yourself.
- It's like, a tornado was chasing us.
- Ah Now that IS unusual.
This makes no sense whatsoever.
Not everything out here is easily explained.
- Hey, what about us? - I was literally starving to death.
- Do you know what 'literally' means? - It means you're a selfish-guts.
- Sorry, dudes.
- Not to worry.
The Henriettas have plenty more.
Where did you find the solar panels? Oh, I, ah, I scavenged them from a dump.
- Awesome.
- Can you tell us how to get to Bremin? Better still, I can take you there.
___ Thanks, Roland.
From now on, you be careful in that forest, boys.
Thanks, Roland.
That thing that was chasing us, it was weird.
You're not wrong.
Dreamtime stories are all about evil spirits in the bush.
That's superstition, not science.
Science doesn't explain everything, Andy.
- And superstition does? - Stop it, you two.
Not much of a reception.
Where's the cameras and the newspapers? Oh! Reception.
- None.
Have you guys got any? - Must be out of credit.
Does our disappearances and miraculous reappearance seem like a bit of a non-event to you? - Normal for me.
- Weird for me.
Yeah, well, my Mum will be freaking out.
So I'm out of here.
You have a good life, losers.
No, we can't just separate.
We just had a classic male-bonding experience.
- Brief man hug? - No way.
See you in school, then.
I've never seen you or you.
I don't know you or you.
Either of you talk to me, and I'll crush you.
Well, I need food.
See you, brainiac dude.
Goth dude.
I thought we bonded.
On the upside, we didn't resort to cannibalism.
See ya.
Bye, guys.
Mum! Woo! And the crowd goes crazy as he returns from the wild.
- Shh! Keep it down! - Really? Is that all you have to say? I'm back.
- Back from where? - Yeah, so we smell.
Viv! Hey, Oskie.
- How'd it go at the doctor's? - What doctor? - Dr Seuss, what do you think? - What are you talking about? - Mum was pretty sure you were sick.
- Me? What's your problem? - You can stand! - Yeah.
And I can walk too.
One step, two steps.
- Oscar, what happened? - How do you know my name? Who are you? Stay away from me, alright?
It's fruit, right? - It's for itchy crotch.
That doesn't sound good.
We should get moving.
Come on.
Now.
Killer storm.
Run! Faster, nerd, faster! ___ Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air, elements that we don't share.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again Felix! Cut it out.
Hey, Oskie, want to hear my rad new song? Sure.
Felix, get your father.
Get your father! - Dad! - We need to go.
I'm fine, Mum.
Really, I want to go to school.
- He says he's fine.
- Well, the thermometer says differently.
- Have you got the car keys? - Where did you leave them? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.
Here they are.
You need to make your own lunch and pack the dishwasher too.
- Did you sign my permission form? - What form? - Mum! - Great song.
Ken, can you call Dr Atkin? Can you forge my mum's signature? - Or we could just not go.
- It's compulsory.
Come on, Ellen.
Forgery is your superpower.
And I should be using it for pure evil, like identity theft, - not some dumb bushwalk.
- It'll be fun.
We'll hang out together, make cutting, insightful observations about our fellow students, except it will be in nature.
- I hate nature.
- I arranged for us to be together.
- Pen.
- Thank you.
Oh, hey - want to listen to this new song I wrote? Water, fire, earth and air - That's good! - It is, isn't it? Sarah, open up! Come on, Sarah.
I know you're in there, come on! - You're gonna be late for school.
- You're gonna be late for work.
You're three weeks late with the rent again.
- Just duck out the back.
- Not with him at the door.
Sarah, I know you're in there.
I know you can hear me.
I'll deal with it.
Come on, Sarah.
Seriously.
Don't tell the whole town about my private business.
- Is that what this is about, Phil? - Well, no, Sarah.
Why don't you hassle my ex for the child support he owes? If Gary paid his debts, I could pay mine and the world would be a better place.
Yeah.
Well, you know that I can't get it from Gary.
Welcome to my world.
Jakie? Have a good one, huh? My dad's a loser.
What can I say? Bye, Sarah.
I'm not sick, Nonna! I'm sorry, Mr Bates, we just don't think it's a good idea.
Andy has so many allergies.
Bush is bad place! Many poison things sting you.
You probably die.
Look, behind you! Come back, you silly boy! - Catch your brother! - Watch out! Your high-impedance filter should be before your low-pass filter.
No, it shouldn't.
Dad! Mum and Nonna won't let me go on the school excursion.
And, if I don't go, it could impact my future.
I might not even get into medicine.
Tell me, how does a bushwalk relate to medical studies? - Or law! - Either one.
Team building.
Team dynamics? Working in a team! Come on, Dad.
Bear Grylls's mum would have let him go.
Oh, man, that drive was scary.
- Your brother's doing very well.
- He went through a stop sign, Mum.
And he nearly hit a woman with a walking frame.
I'd have got her if she didn't move so fast.
Hey, hey! Are we still capturing our stunt? Oh, yeah, man, I should get the camera.
- Mum, I'm dedicating it to you.
- What a suck.
I wouldn't miss it for the world.
And, Sam, I've got a special feast planned for tonight.
- Lamb roast? - With barbecue sauce.
- Yeah - Sweet! - Sam, say hello to Mia.
- Ooh, Mia! See you later, suckers.
Say hi, Sam Have a good day.
Boy band's here.
"Ooh, I'm so good-looking.
Everyone loves me.
" - He's such an air-head.
- His girlfriend is so far up herself.
Good morning, bushwalkers.
Ready to leave your comfort zones? Andy, you made it.
Hand me your permission slips before you get on the bus.
Thank you, Andy.
Although I don't like the look of those clouds.
And he scores goal for Bremin! - Awesome goal.
- Jack, you hit the post? Beat it, freak! Oops, sorry.
I thought it was your head.
Alright, everyone on the bus.
- After you, Andy.
- Bates! Favouritism.
Jacob, it's 'sir' to you.
Permission slip, please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Sorry! Sorry.
Sorry.
Is that the stink of rotting flesh? When's the last time you rejects had a shower? - So funny - Yeah.
- Do you remember what day it is? - Um Friday? It's our anniversary.
Oh, a year.
Already.
Wow! It's awesome, babe.
Thank you.
Hey, I'm shooting a sponsorship video tomorrow and I'm gonna be skating a 12-stair rail.
Hey, come along and cheer.
You're gonna look great.
Thanks.
OK, listen up - welcome to the year-10 science excursion, which is quite literally a walk in the park, the Bremin Ranges National Park.
In groups of four, you will orienteer a 7km walk to a pick-up point marked on your map.
You are expected to identify flora and, with any luck, fauna.
Now In the interests of breaking down social barriers and as a little treat for me, I have preselected the groups, so don't expect to be with any of your friends.
- She freaks me out.
- Who? Witch lady.
Maybe she'll turn us into zombies.
I think she'd starve if she ate your brains.
Funny.
OK, Year-10s, form groups of four as I call out your names.
Daniel, Alexis, Tammy, Mike.
Mia, Trent, Dylan and Ellen.
- I thought we were together.
- He must've changed it.
Next is Christian, Michelle, John and Kathy.
Join your group, Ellen.
I'm not going! Then we have Jake, Sam and they are with Andy and Felix.
Brains and brawn.
Excellent choice, sir.
Seriously? Sir, are you right in the head? - No, I'm your teacher, Jake.
- Hey, brainy dude Which leaves Shirley, Madeline and Brian.
Come on, let's hitchhike back to town.
I heard that, Ellen, and no, obviously.
Now one member from each team, come and get a map and a compass.
You will orienteer.
- Did you get a map? - Got it.
At the third marker, lunch and refreshment will be provided.
Aim to be there by 1:30 pm or miss out.
And I expect you all to be at the fourth and final marker by 4pm on the dot.
No late-comers.
Yeah.
And how am I supposed to win with these netballers? It's a team-building exercise, Jack, it's not a race.
- It's always a race.
- Let's do it.
Come on.
Can't you just go a little faster? I could if I wasn't carrying twice my body weight in food.
Wait up! You know this is a half-day stroll, right, not a five-day trek.
In my family, this is travelling light.
- What is this? - Chicken's feet.
Ooh, disgusting! Bear Grylls drinks liquid squizz from a camel's stomach.
What is wrong with you? - What's with the hole? - It's a poncho, obviously In case it gets cold.
I'll poncho you to death if Trent beats us.
Get it? Sure.
No poncho.
Come on, we can still win.
I guess we'd better humour him.
- What about recording the flora? - Trees, trees and more trees.
'Eucalypts proliferate.
' Yo, losers! I can't believe he beat us.
Footie coach says, when you're going through hell, keep going.
That was Winston Churchill.
Goths say, if you're going through hell, stop, 'cause you've arrived.
Look, Trent's beating us, and he's got real girls on his team.
I resent that.
If you want to win so much, there's a short cut.
This way.
Good one, Dracula.
Let's go.
Maybe it's not such a good idea to leave the path.
- Can I see that map? - Just concentrate on keeping up.
- Short cut to where? - Well, it looked like a short cut.
I'M the map guy.
- We should have brought a GPS.
- Nothing.
We're officially nowhere.
- Meaning, we're lost.
- Great.
Well done, freak.
We're not lost.
He's slipping! Is everyone OK? - Whoa! - Did anyone see my backpack? - Or the map? - You lost the map? - You're the map guy! - Totally failed there, dude.
- Bear Grylls would find a river.
- Why, to get nude and eat a slug? Waterways lead to civilisation.
My dad reckons that if you point the 12 when you watch at the sun, north is halfway between the hour hand and 12.
But I guess he wasn't wearing a digital.
Come on.
- Food break.
- Again? - What is wrong with your metabolism? - Guys Come on.
Let's go.
Mr Bates! What time is it? - It's 4:08.
- They'll wait for us, right? There's your bag, Andy.
We've been walking in circles.
Does it have any food in it? I could eat my own arm.
You know, your body can't digest its own flesh.
- I was joking.
- Oh.
- They'll send a search party - Or a helicopter.
- Hey, we're gonna be on the news! - Bear Grylls would light a fire.
Any idiot would light a fire.
Haven't you ever been camping? My family's from Singapore.
We don't camp, we shop.
Mr Bates! Mr Bates! - I'm freezing.
- Yeah.
I wouldn't mind a poncho right about now.
Do you think we'll starve to death before we're rescued? Like the rugby team that crash-landed in the Andes? - What rugby team? - Just Forget I said that.
Said what? It was freezing cold, supplies were running low, and - And? - What? They ran out of food and had to eat each other.
A-alive? The ones that died in the crash.
They were cannibals, not zombies.
- What does human flesh taste like? - Shut up! - Did they cook it? - No fire.
They had to eat it raw, like sushi.
- Sashimi.
Sushi has rice.
- Oh, my Mum makes the best fried rice.
What was that? Have you guys heard that story about the giant panther living in this forest? It's totally a myth, dude.
Man.
Rain! - I like the rain.
- Come on! How about some music to just cheer us up? Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air.
Water, fire, earth and air, elements that we all share.
Water, wash our sins away.
Earth, guide us to a place.
Wind brings with it fear.
Flames of fire, we must face.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again, walk upon this earth again.
Walk upon this earth again.
That was supposed to be cheerful? Great.
What are you doing? - It's pawpaw.
It's fruit, right? - It's for itchy crotch! That doesn't sound good.
We should get moving.
Come on.
Killer storm.
Run! Run! It's getting closer! Faster, nerd, faster! This way! - Whoa! Whoa! - Don't attack us! Hang on, you're attacking me, aren't you? - No, we're lost.
- And we're starving.
And being chased.
By nature.
Well, there's nothing there now.
Oh, no, help yourself.
- It's like, a tornado was chasing us.
- Ah Now that IS unusual.
This makes no sense whatsoever.
Not everything out here is easily explained.
- Hey, what about us? - I was literally starving to death.
- Do you know what 'literally' means? - It means you're a selfish-guts.
- Sorry, dudes.
- Not to worry.
The Henriettas have plenty more.
Where did you find the solar panels? Oh, I, ah, I scavenged them from a dump.
- Awesome.
- Can you tell us how to get to Bremin? Better still, I can take you there.
___ Thanks, Roland.
From now on, you be careful in that forest, boys.
Thanks, Roland.
That thing that was chasing us, it was weird.
You're not wrong.
Dreamtime stories are all about evil spirits in the bush.
That's superstition, not science.
Science doesn't explain everything, Andy.
- And superstition does? - Stop it, you two.
Not much of a reception.
Where's the cameras and the newspapers? Oh! Reception.
- None.
Have you guys got any? - Must be out of credit.
Does our disappearances and miraculous reappearance seem like a bit of a non-event to you? - Normal for me.
- Weird for me.
Yeah, well, my Mum will be freaking out.
So I'm out of here.
You have a good life, losers.
No, we can't just separate.
We just had a classic male-bonding experience.
- Brief man hug? - No way.
See you in school, then.
I've never seen you or you.
I don't know you or you.
Either of you talk to me, and I'll crush you.
Well, I need food.
See you, brainiac dude.
Goth dude.
I thought we bonded.
On the upside, we didn't resort to cannibalism.
See ya.
Bye, guys.
Mum! Woo! And the crowd goes crazy as he returns from the wild.
- Shh! Keep it down! - Really? Is that all you have to say? I'm back.
- Back from where? - Yeah, so we smell.
Viv! Hey, Oskie.
- How'd it go at the doctor's? - What doctor? - Dr Seuss, what do you think? - What are you talking about? - Mum was pretty sure you were sick.
- Me? What's your problem? - You can stand! - Yeah.
And I can walk too.
One step, two steps.
- Oscar, what happened? - How do you know my name? Who are you? Stay away from me, alright?