Nuclear Family (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

Okay, are you guys comfortable?
This looks good.
- Okay, that's nice.
- Is that nice?
So, tell me, just briefly
describe your names
and, of course, your
relationship to Ry.
- To Ry? You mean, you?
- Yeah. To Ry.
Is this all gonna be, like,
in the third person or something?
It depends. It's really up to you
how you want to do it.
- I'm Sandy Russo and I'm your mom.
- Okay.
Good.
It kind of describes it.
And I'm Robin Young
and your mother also.
I was born in 1981.
Robin had a very
difficult pregnancy.
When she finally had me,
apparently I had come out
and I'm all red and bruised up,
and Robin starts crying
when she looks at me
and she says to Russo
"she's so ugly, no one's ever
going to love her as much as I do."
The irony is that I was not ever
a child who wasn't deeply loved.
If anything, I was
loved too much.
NUCLEAR FAMILY
Episode 1
Robin and Russo.
B cam, marker.
So just, first, let's just
talk about your relationship
and what having children
has meant to you in your life.
Everything.
Having children
- I can't imagine life without children.
- I can't either.
I don't know what we'd be doing
or what we'd be caring about,
or what we'd be
passionate about.
Driving around in a sports car?
Like, I don't get it.
I mean, with you
guys, it sounds trite.
There's no way to even
capture what it means.
There's no one I would
rather be with in the world
than the three of you
that are my family.
I always describe my parents as, like,
Romeo and Juliet, but Juliet and Juliet.
'Cause they literally, they met, and
they describe the moment they met.
And it was such a moment.
It was the President's
Weekend in February 1979.
And, rather than hang around
New York for this long weekend,
I thought I'll go up and
visit a friend in Boston.
And I was living in Boston,
and I wanted to move.
And a friend said,
there's this cool apartment.
You might like it there.
I went upstairs.
It was, like, the third floor, and I
knocked on this apartment door.
And this voice said, "Come in."
And I walked into this kitchen, and
sitting at the kitchen table was Russo.
And no one else was there.
And it was like, who is this?
It was immediate.
Like a bomb.
It was a thunderbolt.
I don't even know what it was.
So we spent an hour in the kitchen,
just the two of us together.
I kept saying, "My friend will be out
in a minute to talk apartment with you."
But meanwhile we were both
secretly thrilled.
So we were getting into it with
each other, asking questions
and where are you from.
And then the question I asked
her that really sealed the deal was,
so what have you done lately
to make your parents unhappy?
Growing up, I was
just this little tomboy.
And I just felt like I was always
observing life,
and I couldn't picture my life
as a grown-up fitting into
the world that I saw around me.
I couldn't imagine getting married and
living this life that my mother lived.
I was always looking at the
clock like I was perpetually bored.
And when I finally did come out,
it was almost as if I was viewing
the world before in black and white
and suddenly everything
burst into colour.
So then when I met Russo, it was just
like this is what I've been waiting for.
Me too.
It was like, oh my God.
And I was, and then I had
to go back to New York,
and I was terrified of losing her.
This is February.
In April I moved to New York.
And all of our friends said, what are
you doing? Slow down. You're crazy.
Everyone said, ah, you can't
do that, and she's so young.
And we just kept saying,
oh no, we love each other.
Leave us alone.
I remember at one point we met with
Russo's best friend from law school.
Russo had invited me
to Windows on the World
at the top of the World Trade
Center to meet Robin.
I had never been there before.
I don't think Russo had either.
But that's how she wanted
to introduce Robin to me,
'cause it was, this is the love
of my life.
She was crazy for her,
and I liked Robin right away.
She's way quieter,
more serious, but solid.
I did think she was young.
But they're clearly gonna be,
you know, together for a long time.
We lived in West Village.
It was very gay.
We used to hang out
at Bonnie and Clyde's,
which was a gay bar on the bottom
and a lesbian restaurant on the top.
We hung out at that lesbian
restaurant for a reason.
Because New York was kind of ugly
on the streets then, and it was scary.
One time, some guy kept following
us down the block and screaming.
"you fucking lezzo!"
There was always
the threat of violence.
bouquets of flowers and the
candles at the door of the Ramrod bar.
They're really symbols of the mourning,
the feeling of mourning for the two dead
and the others that have been
shot down here on West Street.
Many of the people here see it
as an attack on the gay community.
I want to live my life. I don't want
to be killed on these streets.
This is ridiculous!
Mom would never hold my hand.
I was always terrified to hold
mom's hand on the street.
Or put my arm around her.
No, it's not worth it.
It's too dangerous.
In the gay community, we were
creating a new world, you know.
We were creating a
world of gay liberation.
And, your parents
were a part of that.
Russo and I had such
a close relationship.
We could talk about anything and did.
I guess she had been saying
to me on the phone
she's very happy, she loves Robin
she's glad she came out.
But now I'm never going
to be able to have children.
And Russo, she was worldly,
and she had lived a life,
and she had had
two husbands.
She knew a lot more about
herself and life and politics.
She knew what she wanted.
I wanted kids since I myself was
a kid. I've always wanted kids.
With my second husband,
I tried to get pregnant.
And I was so desperate to have it
work and have a life,
and I was trying for about two and
a half years and couldn't, didn't.
You know, I also realize that that was
a blessing because I was a lesbian.
And then, when I finally came out,
it was never on my radar again
that I would have kids.
Gay couples just
didn't have kids.
Coming out, being gay, meant that
you were not gonna have children.
It was almost like you were giving up
that right to have a family,
and that was sad.
I moved to California, and I
was in a woman's bookstore
in the Mission in San Francisco.
And I saw a little pamphlet
stapled on the sides with a pink cover
that said something like,
"We can make our own babies,"
or something like that.
I bought it and when Russo and Robin
came to visit, I said, look, you can!
You can have children.
She gave us a little pink, mimeograph
thing that two women had written.
With, like, homemade little
drawings pen and ink.
Like, really hokey.
And the pamphlet was like,
Sarah and Emily are lesbians
who want to have children.
How to artificially
inseminate without a doctor.
And when you think
about it, it's so simple.
And it just opened up
this incredible door.
We could have children.
So they were talking about
who could be the donor?
Who could fill that role?
And that meant who's a man who's
a good guy and has good genes,
and would be willing to do this
under those terms.
You can't really imagine a
straight man wanting to do that.
We wanted gay men as donors because they
were simpatico with what we were doing.
The culture certainly
was pre-HIV.
No one knew about HIV, and it was a very
wild, loose culture in the gay community.
And, I think for these guys at the time
it was like, oh, they want my sperm.
It was great.
They loved the idea.
It was like a feather
in their cap or whatever.
I also think they liked the idea
of helping create gay families.
It was like this whole new thing
and they were on the cutting edge.
My girlfriend knew this
guy named Jack Colve.
I thought he was very intelligent,
good looking and a mench of a guy.
Cris had told us that he spoke
five languages or seven languages.
He was very smart.
And we liked the idea of the donor
being in San Francisco,
which was going to be far away.
I said to Robin, "You go and interview
him, 'cause I'm too nervous to do it."
You waited in the car and I went into his
house and met with him for not very long
and helped him fill out
this health questionnaire.
And sort of made the deal,
and came out and went
you know, we got a guy.
But what was important to us
that we did work out with him was
No rights, no responsibility.
The only thing we asked,
would it be okay
if the kid wants to call you
in the future.
And we didn't think
that much past that.
We started with me
because of my age.
We used an artichoke hearts jar.
You know the artichoke
hearts you buy in a little jar.
And the reason that we like to use this
one is because it has a wide mouth.
So we cleaned that out and we gave
it to him and said, here, this is
This is for you.
The person who picks up the sperm
and brings it to you
arranges with the man a specific
time on a specific day.
He'd call and say "Come over and get
it." And he handed me a little paper bag,
because it said in the pamphlet that you
should keep the sperm in a dark place.
I like to put it in a sock as so,
and that keeps it protected from light
and it keeps it warm.
And I just put it right here
and I drive to the person's house.
A friend of mine drove so I could
keep it warm and next to my body.
- So I fill it up.
- Mom would fill it up.
from the artichoke
thing and she's lying down and
Insert it.
So we get back to New York
and she misses her period.
And so we go for a pregnancy
test, and it was positive.
Like, she got pregnant.
And then nine months
later Cade was born.
We had this wonderful baby.
It was just magic.
She was this just perfect child.
You know this delicious baby.
And we said, all right,
let's do it again.
We wanted each
of us to have a child.
And you also chose
to have different donors.
Yeah, because it just felt odd
if our kids can't genetically
be related through us
It didn't make any sense
that they should be genetically
connected through the donors.
Some other way.
Genetics were not sort
of the focus of our family here.
We also didn't want any
one donor to have such a role.
It was such a potential power.
So I went on a
search for another donor.
And I introduced them to one guy who
we went on a picnic at Golden Gate Park.
He didn't know he was
being vetted for being a donor.
He just thought we were
friends, and we were going out.
And he was wonderful.
This was a very, very sweet guy.
But, we turned him down
because he wasn't very attractive.
We wanted someone good looking.
We thought let's pick someone cute.
So, I think the next
person I thought of was Tom.
Smart, tall, dark and handsome.
Really nice personality.
Very political out.
He would walk into a room and
everyone would sit up and take notice.
He was charismatic, he was kind,
and he was astonishingly good looking.
You can't just wave a wand
a close down 14 businesses
He was this rising star
of an attorney.
Everybody in the gay community
knew Tom.
Tom was the foremost lawyer
protecting gay people.
He worked harder than
any lawyer I ever knew.
And he did cases that really
changed the legal landscape.
One of his big cases was Peg's Place,
a woman's bar.
People had gotten beat up
and he sued the cops.
He never shied away from being
progressive and outspoken
in what his beliefs were.
And Tom was attracted
to the idea, as a gay man,
of helping lesbians
have families.
He really identified with these women
wanting to build a family
that they envisioned
on the terms that they wanted.
And he agreed,
and we were delighted.
And Robin got pregnant
and then they had us.
Voila.
Coming out and meeting Robin
and having our babies was like
just a second chance for me.
And it was just wonderful.
People knew we were lesbians
because we were totally out.
We felt like it
was very important to be out.
But in so many ways
we were this traditional family.
People laugh.
You know, we really are
mom and mom and the kids.
- And
- The dogs. And the van.
And driving the kids to school.
Robin stayed home
and took care of us,
and Russo went to work
and was a lawyer.
My memory of childhood
is very, sort of rosy.
It was very magical and
there was a lot of playfulness.
I remember Russo and Robin were proud
of what they had and what they built,
and so protective of everybody's role
and everybody's part in making sure
both you kids saw each
of them equally.
And, I really admired that.
Because there were no
gay families when I was growing up.
None.
Cookie said, I'd really like you
to meet my friends, Russo and Robin
cause Cookie and I were talking
about having children.
And I really wanted to hear your moms'
experience with creating a family.
Because I don't think
anybody thought of a gay family.
There wasn't this idea, they have
two same-sex parents and children.
I don't think anybody even
thought that that happened.
Not then.
It was always some
other way to try to define it.
People looked at your family and said,
they're friends and they're hanging out.
Oh, maybe they're sisters.
There was always some contortion
of what that arrangement was.
It wasn't even comprehensible
that, oh, it's two moms and their kids.
And people used to get really angry
at us if we wouldn't answer questions.
People would say,
oh, whose is she?
And, we would say, both of ours.
Really, which one is the mother.
And we'd say, we both are.
And they'd go, uh, I mean,
who's the real mother or
We both are.
And we made it an absolute family
policy not to answer that question.
It's like, excuse me, we'll define
our reality and our life.
People always ask, so what
was that like, having two moms?
And I'm always like, well, I don't
really have much to compare it to.
Hey, can I get
a kiss or anything? Love you.
It's not like, first I had a mother and
a father, and then I had two mothers.
Get a nice car shot.
Mom!
Mom!
It's hard to see it as a strange thing
because it's normal to me.
Explaining that to people became
just a part of daily life, really.
And now I realize that it's people's
own ignorance and sense of disbelief,
and steadfast hold
to the notion of the dad
as this all-encompassing,
wonderful creature,
and a biological tie as the most
important thing in the world.
Now the issue is, with the American
family under attack by divorce,
by separation,
and by promiscuity in our culture.
Now homosexuals say that family
is what you make it. I disagree.
For thousands of years, the family
as traditionally understood
has proven to be the most effective
means of providing a good civilization.
Every other kind of arrangement
has been tried
and nothing has ever worked
as successfully
as what these people derisively
call the traditional family.
It's just ridiculous, you know.
These people seem to think
that it doesn't matter if a kid
has two dads or two moms,
or three dads or one mom,
or maybe an armadillo for a mother.
Nobody asks kids in straight families if
they ever wish that they had two moms,
or if they ever wish
that they had two dads.
It's annoying for kids like me
to constantly explain, no.
Biology isn't
the end all and be all.
Ok, so let's go back to the donors.
So the first few years we had
no contact to the donors.
Right.
And maybe just talk about, what you
sort of expected for that relationship.
We had pictured somehow that
you guys would ask about
who's my father or want information
about your biological fathers,
like in high school
or something.
That it would come up
as, sort of, teenagers.
Well instead, Cade
was going to preschool
and everyone was talking
about their daddy.
And she came home and said, "Do I
have a daddy? Who's my daddy?"
Like wanting to know
where she fit in with this.
So we said: you don't have a daddy, you
have nice men who helped make you.
Cade was very precocious
and she wanted more information.
Then we wrote to the donors and asked
if they would mind sending pictures.
And they were very sweet, and
both sent pictures of themselves.
And we showed you both.
This is the man who
helped make you, Cade.
And this is the man who
helped make you, Ry.
But the pictures, sort of, weren't
satisfying Cade's curiosity enough.
Cade was very concrete and linear
and, you know, could read a book
and had those kinds of skills.
And you were off in La La Land.
Cade was asking questions and
Well, what's he like and,
you know, where does he live.
Our commitment to our kids
before we had them
was to always tell them the truth,
and not to withhold information
from them
when they wanted to know it,
appropriate to their age.
We just wanted to be honest
with them about everything.
And some of that came off
of my experience as a kid
because I didn't know
who my biological father was.
Grandma.
They're not marked.
Grandma?
- Hi!
- Hi! Ry!
My darling Ry!
Your house looks so clean!
Oh, here. This you gotta see.
Steeplechase. Do you know
anything about Cornell?
This is an original artifact
from Steeplechase,
and this is my darling,
darling daughter when she was,
I think she was about
two years-old, yeah.
- I just had it framed. Isn't it pretty?
- It's beautiful.
Tell me about how you got
pregnant with my mom.
This is something that I've kept
under wraps for many, many years
because it's always been
very difficult to talk about it.
When I was 18, I got pregnant.
And, I really didn't have that much
experience with boys at that time.
And, the father, he denied it,
and I never saw him again.
I wrote to him every day,
and I never, never received
an answer from him.
And despite all the Commie-lefty
philosophy of my grandparent's home,
they were horrified that
my mother had an illegitimate child,
and they sent her off to a home
on Staten Island to have this kid.
And I was put in a foundling hospital,
so I didn't go home with my mother.
And, after the foundling hospital,
I went to a few foster care homes
and it wasn't until I was five that
I got to move in with my mother.
It was a whole new
environment for me.
They were loud, they argued,
they were Jewish, you know.
It was a very spontaneous,
warm, open household.
And my grandparents lived
there, my mother lived there.
So, it was this very
active, lively environment.
But, everybody else knew who their
father was, good, bad or otherwise.
And it was just this piece
of information
that my mother was so adamant
to keep from me.
And she never wanted to look back,
never wanted to discuss it.
And for the next whatever
years until I was, like, 35,
I just was tortured
about who I was.
So I decided to pursue figuring
out who my biological father was.
By then I was an adult,
and didn't even have fantasies
about a relationship
or anything like that.
I just wanted the facts.
And so I met with what
was my half-brother,
and he told me that my father
was an abusive alcoholic.
The guy died on
the bowery a drunk.
And that was
the end of the story.
- And that was your father.
- And that was my father.
From that time on, Russo said, "If I
have children or when I have children,"
"I will never let that happen, that
they will not know who their father is."
And, this is what's important to this
situation, and everything that happened.
It sort of became apparent to mom
and me that maybe now was the time
that I didn't want to
make it secretive and
Or mysterious, or
You know, so we thought maybe
we should see if he'll meet you.
We booked a trip
to California, like a vacation.
And we went out
and met them both together.
It was very important to us
that both of you meet both men,
and that neither of the men be more
important to either one of you.
We just wanted
to keep that sense of equality.
Both donors were very tentative
and respectful,
and there was something
really nice about it.
And, we appreciated their willingness to
honor that promise that they had made.
They became, like friends of
the family who live in California
who we would see
occasionally, you know.
When they were coming through
New York, we would see them.
If we were going, we had other
friends, obviously, in California,
so we would go to California.
And it worked out that we saw them
sometimes, and it was fine.
Yeah.
So we went out this morning for a walk
in the rain, down that path there
Our family would visit Tom and Jack
throughout our childhood,
several times a year.
Often it would be vacations.
Some break that
we had in school.
We'd all go rent
a house together
Come on.
usually in Long Island
or Stinson Beach, California.
Jack, Cade's donor, didn't often come to
those visits because he was an alcoholic
and he was unable
to connect to the rest of the family.
He visited once and he was drunk,
and I wrote him a letter.
And I said, "You can't come visit
when you're drunk."
You know, you're kind of a different
person and it's not good.
And I think he
took offense to that.
But like every drunk, he kind
of hid it and tried to mask it.
There wasn't a lot
of contact after that.
The famous Easter egg hunt.
So, generally, the visits
would be just with my donor.
It would be my moms,
me, Cade, Tom and Milton.
Tom was with a man named Milton.
And Milton had been married to
a woman, and had a son, Jacob,
who lived with his mother.
I'm here because your wretched dog
bit me this afternoon,
and I hate that wretched
animal creature thing.
Well, you see, I can read minds.
Milton had a video camera.
So, on those visits a lot of
the time we would film fairytales.
I see a lady with
And stories
that Cade and I knew and loved.
My daughter
Dorothy has run away.
We'd all have our alter egos
of who we kind of wanted to be.
They must be
over the rainbow.
Are you a good witch
or a bad witch?
I'm not a witch at all.
Ry, what happened?
- I got wet.
- How did you fall?
What I remember vaguely is that there
was some tension between the adults
about Tom treating
the girls equally.
- Are you wet yet?
- Yes.
Your mothers said that Tom needed
to treat both you and Cade equally,
and he did as best as he could.
- Say hi.
- Hi.
Tom's daughter.
But it didn't come
naturally to him.
Hey, now you want to talk to Cady?
I have to be equal.
He was deliberate about it.
But, my memory, at least, is that it was
clear that Tom fell in love with you.
Being around you brought out
the playful side of Tom,
the ridiculously goofy side of Tom.
What are you going to do, Ry?
That's very scary there, Tom.
Do you want me to get you your cup?
Suddenly, this tall, well-spoken
charismatic lawyer
was turning you upside down,
and on the floor rolling around.
And he let down his guard.
I had never seen Tom pay
any attention to a child or a dog,
or anything except
for work and his friends.
And, you know what I mean,
but like, nothing like with you.
And I think that's because
he had a biological connection
to you and not to Cade.
I said to him whatever you do,
you have to do it equally for both kids.
And he said, sure,
sure, sure, sure, sure.
But he was more
and more focused upon you.
I think when he entered
into the original agreement,
he thought that it wouldn't
mean anything to him.
And he'd say hi when you were
five and pat you on the head.
He didn't think I am going to fall
in love with this child
and become part of another family.
Here's the kitchen.
Who's that?
- Jacob.
- It's Jacob.
Sleeping away on the couch.
Now Jacob, why don't you do
Captain Hook for the camera.
No thank you, Tom.
Let's go get him.
Go get him.
Tickle him into doing it.
Do it!
Come on!
Yes!
You know, your moms wanted you
and your sister to be treated equally.
Well, it may not have
been possible, I don't know.
Yes!
I have two kids,
both of whom I love.
I don't treat them equally
because they're not the same person
and they don't want the same things,
and they don't ask for the same things.
Well, Cinderella, you lazy girl.
I know that Tom wanted to treat
both of you as equally as he could.
What's she doing
dancing with that prince?
I thought we were
going to dance with him.
Because he wanted to respect
the rules of your mothers' family
as it was suggested to him.
What are they doing?
I'm furious.
So, I think somewhere underneath
those articulated tensions
are the real tensions.
There's subtext.
- Can you articulate the subtext?
- I can't.
I wouldn't dare to articulate
the subtext for Robin and Russo.
Our very last day here.
Russo shows signs of wear and tear.
- Would he be quiet?
- A little sand under your eyes.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
The problems started to happen
because they had all this contentious
relationship with Milton.
I don't remember how many times
but there were, like, at least two,
maybe three times when they got
furious with Milton.
There's our intrepid sailor
out on the ocean.
Over time, Milton
just inserted himself
into the relationships
more and more.
So Russo, do something.
I'll light a cigarette.
This is the most exercise
she's gotten all week.
And he would say things to you,
like, call Tom "daddy"
and he was just imposing his own idea
of what our family was on all of us.
- Hi Tom.
- Are you having a good time here?
I was until these two
girls stopped cooperating.
As parents, we were
unhappy with the dynamic.
And so the last night of their
visit, we went out for dinner.
In fact, Jacob, Milton's
son was babysitting you.
And we went out to dinner and
we said as gently as we could
Maybe we could slightly change
how we saw each other, you know.
Instead of all staying in a house
together we could meet at a resort
and each have our own rooms
and come and go a little more freely,
but still spend time together.
And we were discussing it
It just blew up,
and they just got furious
like we were rocking some boat
that they did not want rocked.
It was a little bit like where do you
girls come off telling us what to do.
Which was pretty alarming.
We were trying
to make it nice
and, we just want to change things
a bit to work better for everybody
and it's just like, whoa!
They left in a huff the next
morning got in a cab.
They left without
saying goodbye.
I mean it was bizarre.
The fact that they allowed
themselves to get that angry,
that they thought they had
the right to be so pissed off
at what we were suggesting
was scary to us.
It's like, what's going on here.
FEBRUARY 1988
SLEEPING BEAUTY
Written and directed by RY & CADE
CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Ry Russo-Young, Cade Russo-Young,
Thomas Steel, Milton Estes
I was not aware of the
arguments between the adults.
But it's always sounded to me
like it went sour
and it was about
their relationship,
the relationship between Tom and Milton
and my moms started to deteriorate.
Queen and King, you didn't invite
me, Maleficent the Evil,
to see your pretty
little daughter, aren't you.
Robin and Russo said to Tom,
we don't want to see Milton anymore.
We don't want him around
our children anymore.
You will prick your finger
on a spindle and die!
What was Tom's reaction to that?
He didn't like it, and it was
very awkward for him and Milton.
Maleficent, you old hag!
And that was very
difficult on Tom.
- My darling.
- We need to start dancing.
But he didn't let anything get
in the way of ever seeing you.
I remember Tom had the point of view
that he wanted to keep visiting.
But, I think there came
to be a point where my dad, Milton,
he started to feel like this
was heading into
like a place where if you go
to New York without me,
and if you continue down this path,
it's not gonna go well.
And Tom felt like he had to go
to New York without my dad,
or else he was terrified that it was
gonna lead to oblivion for him.
He would come here and
visit without Milton, you know.
And he resented it.
We were like close
friends before this.
And now it's sort of changed
so that after dinner and after you
guys were in bed,
he would sort of retreat to his guest
room and read, you know.
- He did it for like a year or two.
- It was less.
But it was clear he wanted
as little to do with us as possible.
I think I was in denial
and didn't quite get that.
One of the things that was originally
discussed at that first meeting with him
was he said I'm not
gonna tell my family about this.
- And we said, great.
- Fine with us.
We don't want any relatives,
spinning some idea
about their son has a child,
and this was perfect.
So, now, cut to when you were nine.
Tom said that he wanted
to take you girls
up to his grandmother's
90th birthday
in Yuba City
in the middle of California,
and all the Steel family
were gonna be there.
You know, there's forty
of them or something like that.
Tom was one of 10 siblings.
10 kids and their husbands and
wives, and children and all that.
They have a huge house.
We used to call it the Ponderosa.
It has a lake and water
skiing and all that stuff.
And he wanted to take you girls
there and introduce you to his family.
He wanted you to come to this event, and
your moms said, only if we can come too.
Like, okay, we would think
about it,
but if we did it, it would
have to be the whole family.
And then you introduce your family
to this family that you helped make.
And, he didn't like that idea.
He didn't want to do that.
I assumed that we were invited too.
Why wouldn't we be?
And then he made it clear
that he didn't want us there.
So everyone's gonna be there
with their parents,
but our kids will be in this situation
without their parents.
Like, it doesn't make sense.
And then we asked more questions,
and it was clear that his family didn't
even know about your existence.
And when we asked
what he was going to tell them,
he said, I haven't
figured that out yet.
Well it seems to be something
that runs in the family.
And, Russo and Robin
just flipped out at Tom's idea.
Okay.
The girls are not going to meet
the Steels, absolutely not.
You don't understand who our family
is, if you could even suggest it.
They were alarmed by this
because I think by then
they were already a little concerned
about his attachment to you.
And, at that point, allowing you guys
to go there with him.
I'm bringing my kids. This is
my daughter and my stepdaughter
would present a different definition
of the family than what was true.
Your family was your mothers and
you guys, and he was an outsider.
Tom got very insistent, and we
had these back and forth phone calls.
And then it got more heated. It finally
got to the point where I was saying,
Why don't you come back to New York
and we'll talk about it in person?
Because I just felt like
we were forgetting
like he was forgetting our whole
relationship and the whole history,
and our promises to each other
and what this was all about.
I kept thinking, we have
an understanding.
We have an original understanding.
And this, this isn't working.
And they said to him, you
don't know your place, you know.
You have blown up everything.
And, we're not gonna talk
to you about any of this anymore.
Your moms tried
to stop the relationship.
My dad wrote letters.
Tom wrote letters.
We were a little afraid.
It was a good deal of fear
about power dynamics.
He wrote that it's a parental
relationship, that he's a father.
He said, you expect me to keep
going on like this forever,
but I want the relationship to grow
and deepen and become something else.
He changed his mind.
It was like, where do you come
off interfering with our family.
Grandma, in those days Russian women
and girls wore a scarf around their
I said to Russo and Robin, you've
been so proud all of these years
that you were building a new, different
kind of family, which you have done.
Now you've had a fight
in the family.
One member of the family wanted to
do something that you have vetoed.
It's vetoed.
It's over.
But that doesn't mean
you cut someone off.
And I feel a special
responsibility
because I was part of what
brought you into the world
by introducing Tom to Russo
and Robin, and made it happen.
I feel like I was among the grown-ups
who fucked this up so badly for you.
We have our little country
house up in the Catskills.
And I was up there with you
and Cade, and mom was in the city
'cause she had to work that week.
It was in August.
And then a car pulled
into our driveway,
and I remember this woman getting
out of the car and saying to me,
"Are you Robin Young?"
And I said, "Yeah."
And, I remember she apologized.
She said, "I have no idea
what this is about, but I'm sorry."
And I was served with papers.
And I read them.
It was pretty clear.
I was being sued, me, for you.
For paternity
and immediate visitation.
They wanted you
in California immediately.
And I had to tell you guys.
You were nine and 11.
We were in the kitchen
and I remember Cade was holding
a bottle of cranberry juice.
And she dropped it.
And there was cranberry
juice all over the kitchen floor.
And the three of us were on our hands
and knees crying
with the paper towels mopping up
the cranberry juice.
So I called mom. I read her
everything that I had.
She said, "Put the kids
in the car and come home."
Well, I asked her
to read me the papers.
And I said, who's the lawyer
on the paper who was suing her?
And it was a lawyer that I knew.
Progressive, you know.
The name was Paul Gulielmetti
and the woman in his office was Ellen
Gesmer, who was handling the case.
And I called him, and I said
do you know who you're suing
'cause maybe he didn't know
Robin's name.
He certainly knew mine,
but my name wasn't on the papers,
'cause I wasn't a legal parent.
And I said, Paul,
do you know who you're suing?
And he said, yeah,
we had a really hard time
deciding the ethics of this,
if we should take this case.
But yes, I know who we're suing.
And I hung up the phone on him.
So I remember driving back to the city,
sort of like a maniac, and mom was there.
And by now, I was furious
because Milton called
and left a message
on our answering machine.
And he said we could meet
at their lawyer's office.
He said their lawyer could
draft this little document
and then you could bring Ry and a little
suitcase, and we'll settle this on paper
and then we'll take Ry
back to California with us.
And it was just like, whoa!
They had no idea what
- I think they underestimated us.
- Totally.