Occupation (2009) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1 (EXPLOSIONS) (CLANGING) (EXPLOSION) That was an RPG.
Bollocks it was an RPG.
That was small arms, mate.
(CLANGING) (EXPLOSION) Now that was an RPG.
Our target is an enemy unit firing from a window one block south of us.
They've got 6 Platoon engaged in the streets outside.
(EXPLOSION) The flats are residential so there's civilians all over the show.
So we need to evacuate the corridors before we engage with the ragheads.
Yeah? (EXPLOSION) What's it look like up there, sir? (GUNFIRE) Let's get out there and mix it, eh? Gotta be better than being in 'ere.
No heroics.
We don't lose anyone.
Pairs, fire, manoeuvre.
Right? Right, Hibbsy? Sergeant.
Go easy, Bruno.
They've only ever seen a black man on a box of rice.
They're Arabs.
It's whitie they'll be aiming at! It's just the unit, so we keep it tight.
Huh? Any questions? We're ready back here, sir.
'Enemy suppressed.
Standby to dismount left.
The target flat is one block along.
'Standby.
' 'OK.
Clear to go.
' Dismount left.
Let's have 'em.
# Love, love is a verb # Love is a doing word Fearless on my breath Bollocks! (CHILDREN SHOUTING) Whoa! Whoa! No.
No! All right! All right! Stop giving them stuff, Taff! I'm trying.
How do you say hello? Salaam.
Saddam? Salaam! Give me that.
Here, look! Go! Go! The target's a block down.
Come on! Move! Could get tasty, lads, so keep your eyes open.
Spike, Danny, corner! Get in! Shit! The wrong block! (GOAT BLEATING) Hey! Danny! (GUNFIRE DROWNS SPEECH) I can see 'em! In the window.
OK, that's the flat.
Moving in.
Move! Go! Move! (GUNFIRE) We're going through the green door.
(DISTANT GUNFIRE) Go! Go! (SPEAKS ARABIC) (Go! Come on!) That's got to be all the civilians evacuated, eh? I think so.
Let's get into them.
(GUNFIRE) (GUNFIRE FROM FLAT) (SPEAKS ARABIC) (GUNFIRE) (WHISPERING) Jelly babies.
Jelly babies.
Jelly babies (GUNFIRE) I surprise myself sometimes.
Grenade! (SCREAMING) (EXPLOSION) (MAN SCREAMING) (COUGHING) Joe, this is Hotel 2-0.
Contact.
We're out.
Spike? (GROANING) Yeah.
Bruno? Yeah.
Taff? Hibbsy? Danny? Both enemy are Elvis, blew themselves up.
Suicide? Nah.
Just stupid.
(GROANING) Bloody hell! It hurts! That's what happens, Taff.
They shoot, we get hurt! Hotel 2-0, contact at 1520 hours.
Location, Block 7 in Red 20.
Two times enemy dead, two times casualties requiring cas-evac.
Over.
Don't look at it, Taffy.
Don't look at it.
There's nothing to see down there.
Look at me, Taffy.
That's it.
Look at me.
That's it.
Come on.
Remind me to bring a mobile to the next war I fight.
My name is Mike.
I'm gonna help you.
What's your name? I'm Mike! We'll get it sorted.
We'll get it sorted.
There you go.
Hibbsy, how are you doing? I can't hear anything, Mike.
My earslike on a plane.
Danny, check Hibbsy.
Try the radio again.
Hotel 2-0, we have casualties.
Request transport! Over.
Where's transport? (DOG BARKING) A dog called Transport? What are the odds on that, eh? MAN: You boys in some sort of trouble? What are you lot doing down here? Who cares? Sergeant Erik Lester, 28 Marine.
Your boy looks like he needs to move fast.
I can take him and a few others.
What about the kid? Soldiers first.
You know the drill.
Soldiers first.
Taffy's pissing blood.
I'll stay with the girl.
I know you Brits like to make a committee on everything, but our humvee's becoming a talking point.
Get it fucking sorted! Now, let's go! Right.
Spike? You stay with Mike.
Yeah.
Get the fuck out! Go on! Get the fuck out! We've got cover.
Spike! Spike, stairway! Here.
Here.
(GIRL MOANING) Oh, God Oh, my God! What am I doing? It's all right, love.
We can't stay here, Mike! It's all right, love.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's all right.
I'm gonna help you.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
All right, all right.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) Is it clear? Is it clear? Is it clear? Yes, it's clear.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) (WOMAN WAILING) Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me? Anyone speak English? I need some help! Can anybody help me here? Can you help me here? WOMAN: Try to stay calm.
I am calm.
Spike, stay there.
Yeah.
No, you're not.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) The building we were in five blocks away.
She's been unresponsive for five minutes.
She's had 10mg of morphine 20 minutes ago.
I know.
I can read.
Bring her over here.
Come on! (SPEAKS ARABIC) Are you all right? Me? Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Really? You always look as bad as that? (SHOUTING) What are these guys doing? Where are they going? Looting.
Here! Here! You, here! (SPEAKS ARABIC) (COCKS GUN) Take those, OK.
Give me that.
Next time I'll put a bullet in your arse.
Do you believe that, eh? Bloody scum! They're just children.
They don't know any better.
Well, thanks for the gratitude(!) Well, if you want some gratitude, you can give me the rest of those cigarettes.
Sure.
Sure.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) Bad for you.
Yeah.
Average life expectancy for a smoker is 55.
Life expectancy in Basra is 35.
I thought if I started smoking I might live longer.
Huh! Wh? When will they operate? There won't be an operation.
How do you mean? We don't have the equipment.
Or the surgeons.
We'll just make her comfortable.
And then what? What do you think? I'm sorry.
(COW MOOS) So, the question is, Swifty, when you get home, do you go shag, steak, beer, blow? Or beer, shag, beer? What? I'm never going back there.
You might have to.
You've got another two years left.
Unlike me and our deaf friend here.
So, what do you think? Shag first? Or a beer just to take the edge off? So you can extend your lovemaking beyond that magical ten-minute barrier? Wanker! Fancy a pint before we head home? Of course.
(SHOUTING) (LAUGHTER) (CHEERING) WOMAN: 'Bet you saw some terrible things out there.
' Yeah.
Attack Of The Clones with DVD extras was a pretty low point.
You know what I mean.
Truth is, there isn't a soldier that doesn't want a war.
That's what you train for, innit? If you didn't get to fight in a war, you'd be like El Hadji Diouf.
Is that someone you killed? No.
He plays for Liverpool, but he never gets a game.
Why are you always changing the subject? How much was it? 40? 60, for the Splash and Dash.
I'm, er I'm glad you got back in one piece.
Thanks.
He's back! He's 'ere! It's good to see you! Yeah, you too.
It's good to see you! You too.
Hi, Dad.
Ah-h! 'Ello! Hello! You all right? Yeah, you? I'm very good.
You all right? Looking good.
All right? Good.
(LAUGHTER) Here.
You go ahead Presents! Presents.
I've got some presents! Here he is! Here's the man of the hour! How are you, son? Good.
Are you all right? Oh, come here! Oh, look at you! Oh, you've lost weight! That's the squits-and-grits diet for you, innit? So, you can hear all right, then? What?! Can you still hear all right, then?! It's a perforated eardrum, I'm all right.
I know you didn't want a party.
It's just a few people.
Yeah.
Just a few drinks and food and music, but not a party.
All right, sarky Lil? Come on! (IMITATES FANFARE) Here he is.
(CHEERING) You all right, mate? He's here! What the bloody hell's that? Bill Pendlebury did it.
It's great, in't it? Bill Pendlebury? What, do I know him? Course you do! Used to have a window round.
Now he's a financial adviser.
Oh, right.
THAT Bill Pendlebury, yeah.
(KNOCKING) Da-da! Bloody hell! Bloody hell! All right? What kept you? Taffy, how are you, lad? See this! Watch Steve Austin! Do-do-do-do-do-do.
That's brilliant, innit? Oh, man! (All right, man?) (Yeah.
) All comrades together.
I've said the same to Aliya, Mike.
Anything political or controversial and you refer it back to me.
You got that, Aliya(?) Oh, Mike.
Have you got any cigarettes for me? It's a children's hospital.
We have sort of rules about that in this country.
Mike! This is about Maysa, the mercy dash, the hospital fundraising, not the whys and wherefores of the war, no specifics about the incident.
Don't mention the war.
I get it.
You're a hero.
I'm just the poor beggar who gets sacked if this goes wrong.
(CHATTERING) Here you are, Danny.
Here's a refreshment for you.
I shouldn't but I will.
That's my motto.
So, have you got anything lined up? No, not yet.
I've only been out five minutes.
What about you? Hairdresser or a brain surgeon.
Hey, you, get out! Haven't made me mind up.
You've got to do something.
We both have.
You ain't got the legs for a brain surgeon.
Remember that Yank that helped us out in Basra? Aye.
He's over here recruiting.
For what, the US Marines? I wouldn't hold out much for YOUR chances.
No.
His name's Lester.
He's getting into you know, security work.
What about you, Taff? Have you got anything in the pipeline? He's training for Riverdance.
I'm setting up as an electrician.
Got the training, haven't I? Good electricians are always in demand.
Yeah, but he's Welsh.
I mean, he'll rewire your house, but he'll shag all your pets.
(LAUGHTER) Hey, you'd have been better off learning a trade while you were in.
I did, I'm a machine gunner.
Plenty of work for you in Longsight, then.
(LAUGHTER) It's all right for you, Taff.
At least you got invalided out with a proper injury.
It really softens the blow, like(!) So, if you lot were still serving, would any of you go out there again? Course I would.
Yeah.
Katy, don't start! We can't go out there and not finish the job, can we? And what would that be? Finishing the job, how would that work? You haven't been out there, love.
You wouldn't understand.
(DAD) Can we just stop talking like this and have a drink, eh? Like civilised people? Please? Come on, sort them out.
I think it was about a couple of miles in the end.
In the midday heat.
At the height of the battle.
Single-handed.
You ran with Maysa in your arms all the way.
What were you saying to her? I don't speak much Arabic.
Any Arabic.
(LAUGHTER) Any Arabic.
And Maysa doesn't speak any English, so I just talked about my kids and home.
Football.
City or United? United.
(INAUDIBLE) Dr Nabil here really did all the hard stuff.
Not me.
Doctor What do you mean by security work? In Iraq? No, I'm I just got back, Lester.
My head's all over the place.
Hold on.
I'm I'm not saying I've got other plans, I'm just saying it's gonna take time to (TV IS ON) All right, I'll give you a call.
All right.
How many more Maysas are out there? A lot more.
Except most of them are not as lucky.
Which is why Mike and Aliya came up with the idea of twinning Basra University Hospital with St Luke's Children's Hospital.
How does Maysa like England so far? She likes England a lot.
Especially the rain.
(LAUGHTER) She's come to the right place! So Maysa wasn't chosen to be flown to the UK because her injuries were, in fact, inflicted by Coalition forces? I Mike, please Iraqi people are grateful for the British forces.
I mean, terrible things happen in a war.
Everyone is trying to do something to help.
And if it's just to make ourselves feel better, but Maysa gets the help she needs, then it looks like it is only a problem for you, sir.
Anybody else want to get a word in? What's her name again? Drumsomething or other.
They do make good doctors, don't they? Mm.
Was it all right? I don't look too stupid? You were great! I'm proud of you.
Yeah.
Nice one, Dad.
You were great.
Cor! Look at the size of him! Keep growing like that and you'll make the Paras! Mike! Joke.
Oh, here we go! Don't try it, Dad! It's a weapon of mass destruction.
I didn't marry her for her baking.
Bloody good job.
(THEY LAUGH) Here, tell you what.
Why don't you two nip out and get some pizzas? And take your time.
All right? That can't mean what I think it does, can it? Ew! Do you want another one, Mum? Eh? Shall I get you a soft one? Those bastard toffee ones'll have your plate out! Here you are.
Eh? It's only a chocolate.
I do.
I know I know you do.
Mum! I do.
I know you do.
Dorothy, are you being a naughty girl for your lad? I was trying to get her to sit down.
Oh, she's a lively girl, aren't you, Dorothy? No, you don't, sweetheart.
Come on, sit down.
Ben! Mum, sit down.
Dorothy, you all right? Hello, son, how are you, love? I'm fine, thank you, ma'am, but I think you've danced enough for one day.
Come on.
She'll do anything for Ben.
Won't you, Dorothy? He's me son, you know.
He's in the Army.
He doesn't half make me proud.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to get into this thing? (HE SIGHS) It must be the jetlag.
Give over.
It's just lovely to have you to hold.
It's funny, really.
Cos on the flight home, you spend your time saying what you'll do to your missus when you get in.
What it is to feel special! It's just lads' talk, nothing to get worried about.
I'm not worried.
Well, something's getting your goat.
I can hear it in your voice.
Where are you going? They'll be back with the pizzas soon.
Won't they? Hey, mate! Hang on.
Here you are.
Treat yourself.
I can't take that.
I'm glad someone's being nice to her.
It can't be easy, working here day in and day out.
I can't take your money.
You know, the rules and that Any chance of getting us an ounce, then? You what? I'm after a bit of dope, so I just wondered if you could help us out.
Oh What makes you think I know anything about dope? You're working here with a smile on your face.
So it's either gotta be dope or Jesus.
Sorry, mate.
Any chance of any whizz? (HE MOUTHS) (SNORTING) (MUMBLING) "He's my son, you know?" "He don't half make me proud!" (TURNS MUSIC UP) (SNIFFING) Fuck off! (MUMBLING) (GLASS BREAKING) (KEYPAD BEEPS) Lester, it's Danny.
It's a yes, mate.
I want in.
Wooooo! Where you off? I'm going to Danny's thing.
I thought you told him you weren't interested.
I'm not, but, you know, I said I'd go.
Yeah, all right.
I'm only saying.
I'll see you later.
I won't go if you don't want me to.
I didn't say I didn't want you to.
I'll see you later.
See you, then.
Boom! (HE CHUCKLES) If this was Iraq, you'd be a dead man.
So would you in that suit, Lester.
I had this suit handmade in Bahrain.
If we don't take ourselves seriously, nobody else will.
We? You mean it, then, the partnership thing? Baghdad is full of guys like us trying to get security work.
Milk? Yeah.
Basra, the south.
That's where the gap in the market is.
And they love the English.
I need me an Englishman to make it work.
Well, why this Englishman? I've seen you stay cool in a shit storm, Danny.
You know what you're getting yourself into when the bullets start flying.
You don't lose it.
Matter of fact, I'll go as far to say it's your natural habitat.
If I knew what that meant, I'd be flattered.
Hmm.
So, we partners? Yeah.
Now, all we have to do is convince the rest of the world that we're a legitimate business and not just two fellas with two guns and a suitcase.
Every business in Iraq is two guns and a suitcase right now.
Chin-chin, Mary Poppins! (LAUGHTER) So, this is the great British countryside you talk about so much? Huh! It's not much.
But you can be pretty sure there won't be a roadside bomb.
I wish you could have seen my home when I was growing up.
I wish you could have seen it then.
The Venice of the Orient, I heard.
And now you're teasing me, yeah? No, no, I'm not.
Really.
Tell me.
I want to know.
There was a creek near Hasha that was all under shade.
And when I was a girl, all the family would meet and spread a carpet for a picnic, and there'd be dancing and swimming and drumming.
Yeah? All we children would set off on our own and get lost for the day in the date forest.
It can be good again.
We can make it right.
Yeah, I hope so.
Just not sure how gone the Feyadeen are on date forests.
Most of them are just boys who've been led astray.
Nothing more dangerous than a boy who's been led astray, believe me.
The Army's full of them.
Gilgamesh.
What you seek, you will never find.
What? It's a very old Iraqi story.
Gilgamesh is searching for eternal life, and then his friends tell him Tells him what? No.
You will tease me again.
I won't, I promise.
Tell me, I want to hear it.
He says Let your every day be full of joy, love the child that holds your hands, let your wife delight in your embrace, for these alone are the concerns of humanity.
That's what he says.
Is there anyone here who didn't look at the suffering of the people in Iraq, the sewage in the streets, the starving children, the run-down hospitals in a country dripping with oil, and think, "How the heck are we gonna turn this around?" Because I KNOW I did.
Me, too.
And I thought, "Should we be asking the Army to be protecting businessmen? "Should the public foot the bill for that?" "Hell, no!" Well, if you come on board with me and Danny, this is your chance to put things right in that country - for the Iraqis, for yourself and for those comrades who were killed or injured.
So, it's like a charity mission(?) Pacific Solutions.
That's pacific as in peace and Pacific as in ocean.
It's catchy - you can't argue with that.
So, you and Danny know what you're doing, yeah? You and Danny can run this kind of business, can you? If we deliver the military skills, the business side will take care of itself.
The point is, the Iraqi army has been shut down overnight because it was full of Saddam's men.
So no shortage of funds for the right people who can protect those determined to get Iraq back on its feet.
And everyone here can be a part of that.
So what's the going rate for a mercenary these days? Risk management operative, actually.
Oh, risk management operative.
Ask yourself this So what's the going rate for a good man these days? Up to 1,000 a day.
(MURMURING) And we'll earn every cent.
NOW you've got their attention.
Any questions? Some of us are still serving.
Still gonna be recruiting when we get out? Recruitment will be ongoing.
Will we have to buy our own equipment? How's your mum and dad? Yeah, sound, thanks, yeah.
Why did you bother turning up if you were just gonna make snide comments? Wanted to see how you were selling it.
He's just giving the lads the chance to make a few quid.
I thought you were leaving soldiering behind.
What else can I do, Mike? We can't all be heroes.
What? Face in the papers, gong on your tit, you know, and a promotion.
All on the back of your mercy dash.
I wouldn't mind, they weren't even your jelly babies.
What What are you getting at? Are you saying I was glory hunting? No-one's saying anything.
We were all at the same ruck, Mike.
We took Taff and you took the little girl.
You're the one that got all the attention, not us lot! Don't have a go at me for trying to make something out of the shit we left behind! It's not you I'm worried about.
It's the likes of him! I'm offering him a job.
What are YOU offering him? What, so you would take me on, if I ever decided I wanted to do it? Even with a medical discharge on my record? That's what I've told you, lad.
I'll look after you.
Hibbsy, there's a job for anybody daft enough to listen to this patter.
It's like Lester says, you can smell a lack of ambition in some people.
"It's like Lester says"! Listen to yourself! If he was selling the steam off his shit, you'd be buying.
If you weren't a mate, I'd twat you now.
Don't let being a mate stop you! OK, then.
There'd be a lot of steam off his shit, though.
Have you seen the size of him? (LAUGHTER) You could power a small third-world country with all that steam.
(LAUGHTER) Scud missile! (CHEERING) (CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH) # Through the windswept coastal trees Where the dead come rising from the sea She's been moved to ward A3.
Look, I'm not gonna pretend it's the most interesting job in the world, but you have fun with the punters, banter with the lads.
It's good money for standing around.
What's it like out there, then? Did you kill anybody? (TV PLAYS) Look who it is! (HE CHUCKLES) All right, big one? You been growing? No, you been shrinking! Welcome to Paradise, Danny! Welcome to Paradise! Our boardroom's over there.
Executive bedroom's over in that corner.
The bathroom's next to us, here.
Now, the internet is down that corridor, the door locks on the inside.
You already met Serge.
This is Andre.
I don't know what God was thinking when he made Ukrainians, but he sure gave 'em bigger cojones than the rest of us, that's for sure! What's the rent on this place? That's just it.
Zilch.
It's all under CPA control.
CP what? Coalition Provisional Authority.
That's US-run until the Iraqis are ready to take over.
And they're letting businesses have premises rent-free to keep the looters away.
Looks like the looters have already been here.
This is perfect - low profile, spitting range from the British camp, so you won't get too homesick.
Car's here.
Hey.
All right, mate? This is Yunis.
Translator and all-round fixer.
This is Danny.
Are you old enough to be out on your own? I'm 32.
Never! Yeah! Sanctions, mate.
I have been eating nothing but aubergines for the last ten years and now these Americans are here, I can grow myself a big, juicy butt and get diabetes.
.
.
Huh? Best thing about these people, Danny - great sense of humour.
(GUNFIRE AND SHOUTING) You'll get used to that.
What was it? Oh, don't worry.
It's only Feyadeen.
They can't shoot straight.
That's why we call them Spray-and-Pray! What did I say? Kid cracks me up.
(THEY CHUCKLE) Is this me? Don't unpack.
You're coming with me.
Where? Going to Baghdad, sign a contract with the CPA.
You've landed a contract already? When did that happen? Some time tomorrow.
Hang on.
They don't even know we exist? Not yet, but don't worry about it.
We'll sweet-talk 'em.
Church was built in 1834, was paid for by Lord Vernon.
Design characteristic of late Torkington, of course.
Of course! And the car park was re-tarmacked in the '80s by rough and foul-mouthed Irishmen.
I see! So there is a family connection? Ah! Excuse me! This is the cultural part of the tour.
Sorry.
I didn't expected you to know so much about churches.
Oh, yeah.
I sang in a church choir as a boy.
It was a good way of meeting girls.
You sang? Really? I find that hard to believe.
Do you mind? I was gonna be the next Val Doonican.
And who is Val Doonican? What, he never made it big in Basra? I think maybe there are parts of your culture that I will never understand.
What? Why are you looking at me? Why that man is looking at me? You've got a cigarette in your mouth.
What? If there is a God, then I think he knows already I smoke.
Give it here.
Give it here.
Give.
Give! What are you doing? It's an old trick my dad taught me.
Here.
(SHE GASPS) Sorry.
She's not from round here.
.
.
Come on, you.
Come on.
Come on.
(DISTANT SHOUTING) DANNY: What's all the shouting about? Oh, water, electricity, fuel.
People are getting pretty pissed.
See, we have an approved contractor list for the Al Basrah province.
I'm afraid your company name doesn't appear to be on it.
Well, you better look again.
I've had personal assurances.
I don't know who promised you, Mr Lester, but I am responsible for commissioning private security operatives across the four southern provinces.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
How old are you, Mr Davies? I'm 32.
Everyone's 32! And were you ever in the military? I don't think that's relevant.
I'm responsible to the Provisional And were you ever in the military? Don't patronise me, Mr Lester.
I AM aware of the extent of my responsibility.
Are you? Let me show you something.
Come on! So, what are we looking at? The future of Iraq.
Go ahead.
Take a look.
Well, I'll be You still gonna tell me I have no idea? How much is here? At the moment? Just under 2 billion.
This money has been entrusted to us by the UN to spend on behalf of the Iraqi people.
Two billion?! Last week, it was in a vault in New York and now it's here.
It's Iraq's money, but it's my feeling that we are better placed to spend this money than the Iraqis.
We know how a market economy works, after all.
We certainly do.
So, you need to spend this money as fast as you can before some mad mullah gets elected and spends it all on mosques and AK-47s? The Madhi Army are getting a grip at the moment, but then they are the only place people have to turn.
But if the hospital rebuilding programme can push ahead, protected by the right security firms, then we might loosen the radicals' grip.
That's what we're saying.
You know, we're a trustworthy company.
I don't mean to be racist, but there's a lot of cowboys out there.
We've got bidders for the hospital reconstruction programme arriving daily.
We need to transfer them from Basra airport to the Tigris hospital north of Al Amarah and back to the airport.
Are you giving us the job? See how you go.
No mess-ups and you make the approved contractor list.
If it is as dangerous as you say, we're gonna want top billing on that contractor list.
That's doable.
What happens if it doesn't work out? We'll arrange for your remains to be flown home.
(THEY LAUGH) What the fuck?! We're up and running! Yeah? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) MAN: Have a good night, ladies.
Don't do anything I wouldn't.
Hey, Lee, I got a nosh off that one last week for letting her into the VIP.
Sorry, mate, no trainers.
He got in with trainers on.
But he's not ugly.
I'm not ugly.
You will be if you keep standing there in my firing line.
Go on.
Do one.
I miss it, all right? I miss it.
I don't blame you, son.
I suppose you'll never get that camaraderie anywhere else.
I've never wanted to do anything else but soldiering.
But I thought the Army discharged you? Right, it's still soldiering, but just not with the Army.
Well, you've lost me.
You haven't lost me.
Right, you know Danny, who came to the party? Yeah.
I've known him since I joined up.
Him and this Yank have set up as private contractors.
Not to be confused with mercenaries.
No, not Oh Private military contractors, yeah? It's different now.
It says it all there.
Iraq needs good soldiers for security while they get the rebuilding done.
And will you see action? I'll be helping ordinary people.
Yeah, this is to get the country moving.
Protecting people building hospitals.
And it pays more.
Yeah, all right, it pays more.
But if I'm going to end up like Taffy, then I should at least have something to show for it.
You'll still have crack with the lads? (SHE SCOFFS) Look, it's what I want to do, right? Oh, it's what you want to do? That makes it all right, then.
Well, at least I'm doing something! Yeah? At least I'm not just sitting on my arse, taking the piss and changing nothing! Oi.
Oi! What? What are you laughing at? You haven't got a clue what you're talking about, so why are you listening to her? Where are you going? Just going to the gym.
I was worried you were going to take me to another of your wonderful parks.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
I just I didn't want you to think I was, um You know? You are what? Er, I can't think of the right way of putting it.
Um I just didn't want you seeing me cos you think you have to.
Because of Maysa in the hospital, and all that.
So you thought I was only interested in you because of your penicillin? No, no.
I'm not saying that.
So, why do you think I want to see you? Same reason I want to see you, I hope.
And what's that? What? I just can't stop looking at you.
This is wrong, isn't it? Yeah.
I think it is.
Just now, you whispered something.
Habeeb? Habibi.
My love.
Habibi? To a woman you say, "Habibti.
" Habibti.
Hmm.
Zawaj muta.
What's that? Temporary wife.
Pleasure wife.
Is that what you think this would have been? I'm teasing you.
This isn't a joke to me.
Now we are squabbling like a proper couple.
We can be a proper couple.
You're married.
And I have to go home.
But if you could staywould you? It's my home.
And Anyway, your life is here, your family.
Isn't that what came in our head just then? What if you did stay here? I don't know.
What if you got a job for a while? Don't talk like this.
Don't talk like this! Oh, come on! Come on.
It's not such a bad offer, is it? Is it? And I just rub it in? Yeah, you just rub it in.
Face, neck, arms.
Leave your feet and your ankles till last or you'll sweat it off.
What shall we do about me cock? Leave it small and pink.
The suntan won't fool anyone.
Streaking like mad.
If you're as dark as Andy Cole, you've gone too far.
You need to stop around Paul Ince.
(LAUGHTER) What? Come here, man.
It's not even on the back of your neck.
If they're close enough to see the back of my neck, I'm dead meat anyway.
If we do this right, nobody's going to get near us.
Get kitted out.
Bloody hell! Americans make the best body armour in the world and Russians make the best machine guns.
Tells you everything you need to know about the Cold War.
It's like being in the British army, innit, but with equipment.
Right, this is some serious shit we're in today, boys.
We're going to places where they've started to kidnap people for fun.
Yunis will tell you.
Yep.
Bandit country.
Always has been.
One Mr Burgess is bidding to rebuild eight hospitals and ten clinics.
We get this right, and we really get this right.
We get it wrong, you're looking at star billing on Al Jazeera in an orange jumpsuit.
(LAUGHTER) We go in right through the Shia flats His grades started slipping when you went away.
Well, maybe he's just not the school type, you know? That's what I've been trying to say.
Maybe I'm like Dad.
Just tell him to knuckle down, tell him he's got to do better.
(SIGHING) Look, son.
Even if you join the Green, you're gonna want some qualifications, you know? You don't want infantry I don't believe I'm hearing this! The whole point of him doing well at school is that he DOESN'T end up in the Army.
What, and end up like me, you mean? Yeah.
If you like! What's wrong with ending up like me? Do you wanna tell me? You go out to some shit hole and you hate it, you come back home and you hate it! It's not exactly a recipe for a happy life.
For your information, Basra is not a shit hole.
It's full of forests and picnics and poems, and all sorts of stuff.
Sorry, I didn't realise you'd turned into David soddin' Attenborough(!) I'll try harder at school, all right? I'll try harder! Right, are you happy now? It might save your legs if we get shot at.
It's me head I'm worried about.
(SQUEAKING) We shouldn't be hanging around here much longer.
Last time I was here, I was walking around these streets talking to people.
What do you expect? No electrics, no water.
Ali Babas everywhere.
It's not all our fault.
Well What you need to know is that the Sunnis and the Shi'ahs, they hate each other, but they hate you more.
What about you? That's my religion.
I don't believe in anything else.
How have you managed this? You're only about 12, aren't you? Ali, Shahida and Yasin.
And my wife Fatima.
Doctor, engineer, lawyer.
No messing with guns for them.
Lovely family.
I'm a lucky man.
DANNY: Right, let's get going.
Yeah? I'm glad I'm working with a lucky man.
Yeah, OK.
Let's go.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING) I think you're too late.
What do you mean, too late? Yeah.
Sorry, they left yesterday.
Left? What do you mean, left? They went home.
To Iraq? All right? So, you build hospitals, then, Mr Burgess? Well, I finance the building of hospitals.
I don't literally build them.
How much would you get for, like, putting this place to rights? Danny, customer discretion.
Just ignore him, Mr Burgess.
Huh! I intend to.
What? NICKY: You're going back? Can't you just say no? What can I do? They're short of medics out there.
What about Territorials? I thought they were dripping with medics? It's different for them, isn't it? They can't keep going back every six months.
They've got normal jobs to do.
Lucky them! What's that supposed to mean? That's what you promised me before the kids were born, Mike.
A normal job! LESTER: OK.
Hold on.
This might be a little bumpy.
Why aren't we going back the same way? Cos it they saw us leave, it'd give them the chance to plant an IED and neg us on the way back.
Oh, shit, we've lost them.
We've lost Yunis and Hibbsy.
They'll catch up.
Just keep moving.
Shit.
Road block.
Is there a problem? No, it's OK, it's OK.
Don't worry.
It's not fair on men, that, is it? What? Pull a women in a veil, you take a risk.
You won't know what's under there till you get them home.
Like pulling a woman in a power cut.
Shut up, Danny.
Something doesn't smell right.
Is there something wrong? Shit.
What the hell? Get down! Get down! (GUNFIRE) (SCREAMING) DANNY: Drive! Go, go, go! Drive! Fucking drive! Drive! Fucking drive! (CONFUSED SHOUTING) (LESTER GROANS) Stay down! Fucking drive! Keep going! Come on! Keep praying, Mr Burgess.
You keep praying.
Lester, stay with me.
Come on, stay with me.
Lester! Fuck! (WAILING) Lester! Lester! (GROANING) Mr Burgess, it's OK.
Lester! Lester! Contact 1300 hours.
Vehicle engaged by small arms.
We have casualties and need assistance to Red 7.
.
.
Lester! Lester! Lester! Lester! It's OK, Mr Burgess.
I'm going to get help.
OK? It's OK.
Protocolprotocolprotocol Lesterprotocol We've been ambushed! Ambushed! We've got two T1s and a T2.
Whoa! We've been ambushed.
Look! We've been ambushed! No! No, no, no! It's all right.
I'm English.
I'm English.
I'm one of youse.
No, English! No, no.
Look, look! See? It's OK.
I'm English.
I'm Stop! Oh, fuck it! No! No! No! No! No! No! Stop the I'm fucking English! I'm English! English! I'm English! I'm English! I'm English I'm from Kirby! Have you seen this doctor around? .
.
I can't get her out of my head.
You get measured up for a dishdash and live happily ever after? No chance.
I'm gonna find her.
People change! People turn out not to be what you thought they were! There is no right in this country.
It's just wrong and wronger.
I need you to bend some rules.
Do that and I'll tell you where your Iraqi girlfriend is.
Please don't lie to me.
DANNY: It's what you want, innit?
Bollocks it was an RPG.
That was small arms, mate.
(CLANGING) (EXPLOSION) Now that was an RPG.
Our target is an enemy unit firing from a window one block south of us.
They've got 6 Platoon engaged in the streets outside.
(EXPLOSION) The flats are residential so there's civilians all over the show.
So we need to evacuate the corridors before we engage with the ragheads.
Yeah? (EXPLOSION) What's it look like up there, sir? (GUNFIRE) Let's get out there and mix it, eh? Gotta be better than being in 'ere.
No heroics.
We don't lose anyone.
Pairs, fire, manoeuvre.
Right? Right, Hibbsy? Sergeant.
Go easy, Bruno.
They've only ever seen a black man on a box of rice.
They're Arabs.
It's whitie they'll be aiming at! It's just the unit, so we keep it tight.
Huh? Any questions? We're ready back here, sir.
'Enemy suppressed.
Standby to dismount left.
The target flat is one block along.
'Standby.
' 'OK.
Clear to go.
' Dismount left.
Let's have 'em.
# Love, love is a verb # Love is a doing word Fearless on my breath Bollocks! (CHILDREN SHOUTING) Whoa! Whoa! No.
No! All right! All right! Stop giving them stuff, Taff! I'm trying.
How do you say hello? Salaam.
Saddam? Salaam! Give me that.
Here, look! Go! Go! The target's a block down.
Come on! Move! Could get tasty, lads, so keep your eyes open.
Spike, Danny, corner! Get in! Shit! The wrong block! (GOAT BLEATING) Hey! Danny! (GUNFIRE DROWNS SPEECH) I can see 'em! In the window.
OK, that's the flat.
Moving in.
Move! Go! Move! (GUNFIRE) We're going through the green door.
(DISTANT GUNFIRE) Go! Go! (SPEAKS ARABIC) (Go! Come on!) That's got to be all the civilians evacuated, eh? I think so.
Let's get into them.
(GUNFIRE) (GUNFIRE FROM FLAT) (SPEAKS ARABIC) (GUNFIRE) (WHISPERING) Jelly babies.
Jelly babies.
Jelly babies (GUNFIRE) I surprise myself sometimes.
Grenade! (SCREAMING) (EXPLOSION) (MAN SCREAMING) (COUGHING) Joe, this is Hotel 2-0.
Contact.
We're out.
Spike? (GROANING) Yeah.
Bruno? Yeah.
Taff? Hibbsy? Danny? Both enemy are Elvis, blew themselves up.
Suicide? Nah.
Just stupid.
(GROANING) Bloody hell! It hurts! That's what happens, Taff.
They shoot, we get hurt! Hotel 2-0, contact at 1520 hours.
Location, Block 7 in Red 20.
Two times enemy dead, two times casualties requiring cas-evac.
Over.
Don't look at it, Taffy.
Don't look at it.
There's nothing to see down there.
Look at me, Taffy.
That's it.
Look at me.
That's it.
Come on.
Remind me to bring a mobile to the next war I fight.
My name is Mike.
I'm gonna help you.
What's your name? I'm Mike! We'll get it sorted.
We'll get it sorted.
There you go.
Hibbsy, how are you doing? I can't hear anything, Mike.
My earslike on a plane.
Danny, check Hibbsy.
Try the radio again.
Hotel 2-0, we have casualties.
Request transport! Over.
Where's transport? (DOG BARKING) A dog called Transport? What are the odds on that, eh? MAN: You boys in some sort of trouble? What are you lot doing down here? Who cares? Sergeant Erik Lester, 28 Marine.
Your boy looks like he needs to move fast.
I can take him and a few others.
What about the kid? Soldiers first.
You know the drill.
Soldiers first.
Taffy's pissing blood.
I'll stay with the girl.
I know you Brits like to make a committee on everything, but our humvee's becoming a talking point.
Get it fucking sorted! Now, let's go! Right.
Spike? You stay with Mike.
Yeah.
Get the fuck out! Go on! Get the fuck out! We've got cover.
Spike! Spike, stairway! Here.
Here.
(GIRL MOANING) Oh, God Oh, my God! What am I doing? It's all right, love.
We can't stay here, Mike! It's all right, love.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's all right.
I'm gonna help you.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
All right, all right.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) Is it clear? Is it clear? Is it clear? Yes, it's clear.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC) (WOMAN WAILING) Can anybody help me? Can anybody help me? Anyone speak English? I need some help! Can anybody help me here? Can you help me here? WOMAN: Try to stay calm.
I am calm.
Spike, stay there.
Yeah.
No, you're not.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) The building we were in five blocks away.
She's been unresponsive for five minutes.
She's had 10mg of morphine 20 minutes ago.
I know.
I can read.
Bring her over here.
Come on! (SPEAKS ARABIC) Are you all right? Me? Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Really? You always look as bad as that? (SHOUTING) What are these guys doing? Where are they going? Looting.
Here! Here! You, here! (SPEAKS ARABIC) (COCKS GUN) Take those, OK.
Give me that.
Next time I'll put a bullet in your arse.
Do you believe that, eh? Bloody scum! They're just children.
They don't know any better.
Well, thanks for the gratitude(!) Well, if you want some gratitude, you can give me the rest of those cigarettes.
Sure.
Sure.
(SPEAKS ARABIC) Bad for you.
Yeah.
Average life expectancy for a smoker is 55.
Life expectancy in Basra is 35.
I thought if I started smoking I might live longer.
Huh! Wh? When will they operate? There won't be an operation.
How do you mean? We don't have the equipment.
Or the surgeons.
We'll just make her comfortable.
And then what? What do you think? I'm sorry.
(COW MOOS) So, the question is, Swifty, when you get home, do you go shag, steak, beer, blow? Or beer, shag, beer? What? I'm never going back there.
You might have to.
You've got another two years left.
Unlike me and our deaf friend here.
So, what do you think? Shag first? Or a beer just to take the edge off? So you can extend your lovemaking beyond that magical ten-minute barrier? Wanker! Fancy a pint before we head home? Of course.
(SHOUTING) (LAUGHTER) (CHEERING) WOMAN: 'Bet you saw some terrible things out there.
' Yeah.
Attack Of The Clones with DVD extras was a pretty low point.
You know what I mean.
Truth is, there isn't a soldier that doesn't want a war.
That's what you train for, innit? If you didn't get to fight in a war, you'd be like El Hadji Diouf.
Is that someone you killed? No.
He plays for Liverpool, but he never gets a game.
Why are you always changing the subject? How much was it? 40? 60, for the Splash and Dash.
I'm, er I'm glad you got back in one piece.
Thanks.
He's back! He's 'ere! It's good to see you! Yeah, you too.
It's good to see you! You too.
Hi, Dad.
Ah-h! 'Ello! Hello! You all right? Yeah, you? I'm very good.
You all right? Looking good.
All right? Good.
(LAUGHTER) Here.
You go ahead Presents! Presents.
I've got some presents! Here he is! Here's the man of the hour! How are you, son? Good.
Are you all right? Oh, come here! Oh, look at you! Oh, you've lost weight! That's the squits-and-grits diet for you, innit? So, you can hear all right, then? What?! Can you still hear all right, then?! It's a perforated eardrum, I'm all right.
I know you didn't want a party.
It's just a few people.
Yeah.
Just a few drinks and food and music, but not a party.
All right, sarky Lil? Come on! (IMITATES FANFARE) Here he is.
(CHEERING) You all right, mate? He's here! What the bloody hell's that? Bill Pendlebury did it.
It's great, in't it? Bill Pendlebury? What, do I know him? Course you do! Used to have a window round.
Now he's a financial adviser.
Oh, right.
THAT Bill Pendlebury, yeah.
(KNOCKING) Da-da! Bloody hell! Bloody hell! All right? What kept you? Taffy, how are you, lad? See this! Watch Steve Austin! Do-do-do-do-do-do.
That's brilliant, innit? Oh, man! (All right, man?) (Yeah.
) All comrades together.
I've said the same to Aliya, Mike.
Anything political or controversial and you refer it back to me.
You got that, Aliya(?) Oh, Mike.
Have you got any cigarettes for me? It's a children's hospital.
We have sort of rules about that in this country.
Mike! This is about Maysa, the mercy dash, the hospital fundraising, not the whys and wherefores of the war, no specifics about the incident.
Don't mention the war.
I get it.
You're a hero.
I'm just the poor beggar who gets sacked if this goes wrong.
(CHATTERING) Here you are, Danny.
Here's a refreshment for you.
I shouldn't but I will.
That's my motto.
So, have you got anything lined up? No, not yet.
I've only been out five minutes.
What about you? Hairdresser or a brain surgeon.
Hey, you, get out! Haven't made me mind up.
You've got to do something.
We both have.
You ain't got the legs for a brain surgeon.
Remember that Yank that helped us out in Basra? Aye.
He's over here recruiting.
For what, the US Marines? I wouldn't hold out much for YOUR chances.
No.
His name's Lester.
He's getting into you know, security work.
What about you, Taff? Have you got anything in the pipeline? He's training for Riverdance.
I'm setting up as an electrician.
Got the training, haven't I? Good electricians are always in demand.
Yeah, but he's Welsh.
I mean, he'll rewire your house, but he'll shag all your pets.
(LAUGHTER) Hey, you'd have been better off learning a trade while you were in.
I did, I'm a machine gunner.
Plenty of work for you in Longsight, then.
(LAUGHTER) It's all right for you, Taff.
At least you got invalided out with a proper injury.
It really softens the blow, like(!) So, if you lot were still serving, would any of you go out there again? Course I would.
Yeah.
Katy, don't start! We can't go out there and not finish the job, can we? And what would that be? Finishing the job, how would that work? You haven't been out there, love.
You wouldn't understand.
(DAD) Can we just stop talking like this and have a drink, eh? Like civilised people? Please? Come on, sort them out.
I think it was about a couple of miles in the end.
In the midday heat.
At the height of the battle.
Single-handed.
You ran with Maysa in your arms all the way.
What were you saying to her? I don't speak much Arabic.
Any Arabic.
(LAUGHTER) Any Arabic.
And Maysa doesn't speak any English, so I just talked about my kids and home.
Football.
City or United? United.
(INAUDIBLE) Dr Nabil here really did all the hard stuff.
Not me.
Doctor What do you mean by security work? In Iraq? No, I'm I just got back, Lester.
My head's all over the place.
Hold on.
I'm I'm not saying I've got other plans, I'm just saying it's gonna take time to (TV IS ON) All right, I'll give you a call.
All right.
How many more Maysas are out there? A lot more.
Except most of them are not as lucky.
Which is why Mike and Aliya came up with the idea of twinning Basra University Hospital with St Luke's Children's Hospital.
How does Maysa like England so far? She likes England a lot.
Especially the rain.
(LAUGHTER) She's come to the right place! So Maysa wasn't chosen to be flown to the UK because her injuries were, in fact, inflicted by Coalition forces? I Mike, please Iraqi people are grateful for the British forces.
I mean, terrible things happen in a war.
Everyone is trying to do something to help.
And if it's just to make ourselves feel better, but Maysa gets the help she needs, then it looks like it is only a problem for you, sir.
Anybody else want to get a word in? What's her name again? Drumsomething or other.
They do make good doctors, don't they? Mm.
Was it all right? I don't look too stupid? You were great! I'm proud of you.
Yeah.
Nice one, Dad.
You were great.
Cor! Look at the size of him! Keep growing like that and you'll make the Paras! Mike! Joke.
Oh, here we go! Don't try it, Dad! It's a weapon of mass destruction.
I didn't marry her for her baking.
Bloody good job.
(THEY LAUGH) Here, tell you what.
Why don't you two nip out and get some pizzas? And take your time.
All right? That can't mean what I think it does, can it? Ew! Do you want another one, Mum? Eh? Shall I get you a soft one? Those bastard toffee ones'll have your plate out! Here you are.
Eh? It's only a chocolate.
I do.
I know I know you do.
Mum! I do.
I know you do.
Dorothy, are you being a naughty girl for your lad? I was trying to get her to sit down.
Oh, she's a lively girl, aren't you, Dorothy? No, you don't, sweetheart.
Come on, sit down.
Ben! Mum, sit down.
Dorothy, you all right? Hello, son, how are you, love? I'm fine, thank you, ma'am, but I think you've danced enough for one day.
Come on.
She'll do anything for Ben.
Won't you, Dorothy? He's me son, you know.
He's in the Army.
He doesn't half make me proud.
Do you have any idea how long it takes to get into this thing? (HE SIGHS) It must be the jetlag.
Give over.
It's just lovely to have you to hold.
It's funny, really.
Cos on the flight home, you spend your time saying what you'll do to your missus when you get in.
What it is to feel special! It's just lads' talk, nothing to get worried about.
I'm not worried.
Well, something's getting your goat.
I can hear it in your voice.
Where are you going? They'll be back with the pizzas soon.
Won't they? Hey, mate! Hang on.
Here you are.
Treat yourself.
I can't take that.
I'm glad someone's being nice to her.
It can't be easy, working here day in and day out.
I can't take your money.
You know, the rules and that Any chance of getting us an ounce, then? You what? I'm after a bit of dope, so I just wondered if you could help us out.
Oh What makes you think I know anything about dope? You're working here with a smile on your face.
So it's either gotta be dope or Jesus.
Sorry, mate.
Any chance of any whizz? (HE MOUTHS) (SNORTING) (MUMBLING) "He's my son, you know?" "He don't half make me proud!" (TURNS MUSIC UP) (SNIFFING) Fuck off! (MUMBLING) (GLASS BREAKING) (KEYPAD BEEPS) Lester, it's Danny.
It's a yes, mate.
I want in.
Wooooo! Where you off? I'm going to Danny's thing.
I thought you told him you weren't interested.
I'm not, but, you know, I said I'd go.
Yeah, all right.
I'm only saying.
I'll see you later.
I won't go if you don't want me to.
I didn't say I didn't want you to.
I'll see you later.
See you, then.
Boom! (HE CHUCKLES) If this was Iraq, you'd be a dead man.
So would you in that suit, Lester.
I had this suit handmade in Bahrain.
If we don't take ourselves seriously, nobody else will.
We? You mean it, then, the partnership thing? Baghdad is full of guys like us trying to get security work.
Milk? Yeah.
Basra, the south.
That's where the gap in the market is.
And they love the English.
I need me an Englishman to make it work.
Well, why this Englishman? I've seen you stay cool in a shit storm, Danny.
You know what you're getting yourself into when the bullets start flying.
You don't lose it.
Matter of fact, I'll go as far to say it's your natural habitat.
If I knew what that meant, I'd be flattered.
Hmm.
So, we partners? Yeah.
Now, all we have to do is convince the rest of the world that we're a legitimate business and not just two fellas with two guns and a suitcase.
Every business in Iraq is two guns and a suitcase right now.
Chin-chin, Mary Poppins! (LAUGHTER) So, this is the great British countryside you talk about so much? Huh! It's not much.
But you can be pretty sure there won't be a roadside bomb.
I wish you could have seen my home when I was growing up.
I wish you could have seen it then.
The Venice of the Orient, I heard.
And now you're teasing me, yeah? No, no, I'm not.
Really.
Tell me.
I want to know.
There was a creek near Hasha that was all under shade.
And when I was a girl, all the family would meet and spread a carpet for a picnic, and there'd be dancing and swimming and drumming.
Yeah? All we children would set off on our own and get lost for the day in the date forest.
It can be good again.
We can make it right.
Yeah, I hope so.
Just not sure how gone the Feyadeen are on date forests.
Most of them are just boys who've been led astray.
Nothing more dangerous than a boy who's been led astray, believe me.
The Army's full of them.
Gilgamesh.
What you seek, you will never find.
What? It's a very old Iraqi story.
Gilgamesh is searching for eternal life, and then his friends tell him Tells him what? No.
You will tease me again.
I won't, I promise.
Tell me, I want to hear it.
He says Let your every day be full of joy, love the child that holds your hands, let your wife delight in your embrace, for these alone are the concerns of humanity.
That's what he says.
Is there anyone here who didn't look at the suffering of the people in Iraq, the sewage in the streets, the starving children, the run-down hospitals in a country dripping with oil, and think, "How the heck are we gonna turn this around?" Because I KNOW I did.
Me, too.
And I thought, "Should we be asking the Army to be protecting businessmen? "Should the public foot the bill for that?" "Hell, no!" Well, if you come on board with me and Danny, this is your chance to put things right in that country - for the Iraqis, for yourself and for those comrades who were killed or injured.
So, it's like a charity mission(?) Pacific Solutions.
That's pacific as in peace and Pacific as in ocean.
It's catchy - you can't argue with that.
So, you and Danny know what you're doing, yeah? You and Danny can run this kind of business, can you? If we deliver the military skills, the business side will take care of itself.
The point is, the Iraqi army has been shut down overnight because it was full of Saddam's men.
So no shortage of funds for the right people who can protect those determined to get Iraq back on its feet.
And everyone here can be a part of that.
So what's the going rate for a mercenary these days? Risk management operative, actually.
Oh, risk management operative.
Ask yourself this So what's the going rate for a good man these days? Up to 1,000 a day.
(MURMURING) And we'll earn every cent.
NOW you've got their attention.
Any questions? Some of us are still serving.
Still gonna be recruiting when we get out? Recruitment will be ongoing.
Will we have to buy our own equipment? How's your mum and dad? Yeah, sound, thanks, yeah.
Why did you bother turning up if you were just gonna make snide comments? Wanted to see how you were selling it.
He's just giving the lads the chance to make a few quid.
I thought you were leaving soldiering behind.
What else can I do, Mike? We can't all be heroes.
What? Face in the papers, gong on your tit, you know, and a promotion.
All on the back of your mercy dash.
I wouldn't mind, they weren't even your jelly babies.
What What are you getting at? Are you saying I was glory hunting? No-one's saying anything.
We were all at the same ruck, Mike.
We took Taff and you took the little girl.
You're the one that got all the attention, not us lot! Don't have a go at me for trying to make something out of the shit we left behind! It's not you I'm worried about.
It's the likes of him! I'm offering him a job.
What are YOU offering him? What, so you would take me on, if I ever decided I wanted to do it? Even with a medical discharge on my record? That's what I've told you, lad.
I'll look after you.
Hibbsy, there's a job for anybody daft enough to listen to this patter.
It's like Lester says, you can smell a lack of ambition in some people.
"It's like Lester says"! Listen to yourself! If he was selling the steam off his shit, you'd be buying.
If you weren't a mate, I'd twat you now.
Don't let being a mate stop you! OK, then.
There'd be a lot of steam off his shit, though.
Have you seen the size of him? (LAUGHTER) You could power a small third-world country with all that steam.
(LAUGHTER) Scud missile! (CHEERING) (CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH) # Through the windswept coastal trees Where the dead come rising from the sea She's been moved to ward A3.
Look, I'm not gonna pretend it's the most interesting job in the world, but you have fun with the punters, banter with the lads.
It's good money for standing around.
What's it like out there, then? Did you kill anybody? (TV PLAYS) Look who it is! (HE CHUCKLES) All right, big one? You been growing? No, you been shrinking! Welcome to Paradise, Danny! Welcome to Paradise! Our boardroom's over there.
Executive bedroom's over in that corner.
The bathroom's next to us, here.
Now, the internet is down that corridor, the door locks on the inside.
You already met Serge.
This is Andre.
I don't know what God was thinking when he made Ukrainians, but he sure gave 'em bigger cojones than the rest of us, that's for sure! What's the rent on this place? That's just it.
Zilch.
It's all under CPA control.
CP what? Coalition Provisional Authority.
That's US-run until the Iraqis are ready to take over.
And they're letting businesses have premises rent-free to keep the looters away.
Looks like the looters have already been here.
This is perfect - low profile, spitting range from the British camp, so you won't get too homesick.
Car's here.
Hey.
All right, mate? This is Yunis.
Translator and all-round fixer.
This is Danny.
Are you old enough to be out on your own? I'm 32.
Never! Yeah! Sanctions, mate.
I have been eating nothing but aubergines for the last ten years and now these Americans are here, I can grow myself a big, juicy butt and get diabetes.
.
.
Huh? Best thing about these people, Danny - great sense of humour.
(GUNFIRE AND SHOUTING) You'll get used to that.
What was it? Oh, don't worry.
It's only Feyadeen.
They can't shoot straight.
That's why we call them Spray-and-Pray! What did I say? Kid cracks me up.
(THEY CHUCKLE) Is this me? Don't unpack.
You're coming with me.
Where? Going to Baghdad, sign a contract with the CPA.
You've landed a contract already? When did that happen? Some time tomorrow.
Hang on.
They don't even know we exist? Not yet, but don't worry about it.
We'll sweet-talk 'em.
Church was built in 1834, was paid for by Lord Vernon.
Design characteristic of late Torkington, of course.
Of course! And the car park was re-tarmacked in the '80s by rough and foul-mouthed Irishmen.
I see! So there is a family connection? Ah! Excuse me! This is the cultural part of the tour.
Sorry.
I didn't expected you to know so much about churches.
Oh, yeah.
I sang in a church choir as a boy.
It was a good way of meeting girls.
You sang? Really? I find that hard to believe.
Do you mind? I was gonna be the next Val Doonican.
And who is Val Doonican? What, he never made it big in Basra? I think maybe there are parts of your culture that I will never understand.
What? Why are you looking at me? Why that man is looking at me? You've got a cigarette in your mouth.
What? If there is a God, then I think he knows already I smoke.
Give it here.
Give it here.
Give.
Give! What are you doing? It's an old trick my dad taught me.
Here.
(SHE GASPS) Sorry.
She's not from round here.
.
.
Come on, you.
Come on.
Come on.
(DISTANT SHOUTING) DANNY: What's all the shouting about? Oh, water, electricity, fuel.
People are getting pretty pissed.
See, we have an approved contractor list for the Al Basrah province.
I'm afraid your company name doesn't appear to be on it.
Well, you better look again.
I've had personal assurances.
I don't know who promised you, Mr Lester, but I am responsible for commissioning private security operatives across the four southern provinces.
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
How old are you, Mr Davies? I'm 32.
Everyone's 32! And were you ever in the military? I don't think that's relevant.
I'm responsible to the Provisional And were you ever in the military? Don't patronise me, Mr Lester.
I AM aware of the extent of my responsibility.
Are you? Let me show you something.
Come on! So, what are we looking at? The future of Iraq.
Go ahead.
Take a look.
Well, I'll be You still gonna tell me I have no idea? How much is here? At the moment? Just under 2 billion.
This money has been entrusted to us by the UN to spend on behalf of the Iraqi people.
Two billion?! Last week, it was in a vault in New York and now it's here.
It's Iraq's money, but it's my feeling that we are better placed to spend this money than the Iraqis.
We know how a market economy works, after all.
We certainly do.
So, you need to spend this money as fast as you can before some mad mullah gets elected and spends it all on mosques and AK-47s? The Madhi Army are getting a grip at the moment, but then they are the only place people have to turn.
But if the hospital rebuilding programme can push ahead, protected by the right security firms, then we might loosen the radicals' grip.
That's what we're saying.
You know, we're a trustworthy company.
I don't mean to be racist, but there's a lot of cowboys out there.
We've got bidders for the hospital reconstruction programme arriving daily.
We need to transfer them from Basra airport to the Tigris hospital north of Al Amarah and back to the airport.
Are you giving us the job? See how you go.
No mess-ups and you make the approved contractor list.
If it is as dangerous as you say, we're gonna want top billing on that contractor list.
That's doable.
What happens if it doesn't work out? We'll arrange for your remains to be flown home.
(THEY LAUGH) What the fuck?! We're up and running! Yeah? (INDISTINCT CHATTER) MAN: Have a good night, ladies.
Don't do anything I wouldn't.
Hey, Lee, I got a nosh off that one last week for letting her into the VIP.
Sorry, mate, no trainers.
He got in with trainers on.
But he's not ugly.
I'm not ugly.
You will be if you keep standing there in my firing line.
Go on.
Do one.
I miss it, all right? I miss it.
I don't blame you, son.
I suppose you'll never get that camaraderie anywhere else.
I've never wanted to do anything else but soldiering.
But I thought the Army discharged you? Right, it's still soldiering, but just not with the Army.
Well, you've lost me.
You haven't lost me.
Right, you know Danny, who came to the party? Yeah.
I've known him since I joined up.
Him and this Yank have set up as private contractors.
Not to be confused with mercenaries.
No, not Oh Private military contractors, yeah? It's different now.
It says it all there.
Iraq needs good soldiers for security while they get the rebuilding done.
And will you see action? I'll be helping ordinary people.
Yeah, this is to get the country moving.
Protecting people building hospitals.
And it pays more.
Yeah, all right, it pays more.
But if I'm going to end up like Taffy, then I should at least have something to show for it.
You'll still have crack with the lads? (SHE SCOFFS) Look, it's what I want to do, right? Oh, it's what you want to do? That makes it all right, then.
Well, at least I'm doing something! Yeah? At least I'm not just sitting on my arse, taking the piss and changing nothing! Oi.
Oi! What? What are you laughing at? You haven't got a clue what you're talking about, so why are you listening to her? Where are you going? Just going to the gym.
I was worried you were going to take me to another of your wonderful parks.
No, no, no.
Not at all.
I just I didn't want you to think I was, um You know? You are what? Er, I can't think of the right way of putting it.
Um I just didn't want you seeing me cos you think you have to.
Because of Maysa in the hospital, and all that.
So you thought I was only interested in you because of your penicillin? No, no.
I'm not saying that.
So, why do you think I want to see you? Same reason I want to see you, I hope.
And what's that? What? I just can't stop looking at you.
This is wrong, isn't it? Yeah.
I think it is.
Just now, you whispered something.
Habeeb? Habibi.
My love.
Habibi? To a woman you say, "Habibti.
" Habibti.
Hmm.
Zawaj muta.
What's that? Temporary wife.
Pleasure wife.
Is that what you think this would have been? I'm teasing you.
This isn't a joke to me.
Now we are squabbling like a proper couple.
We can be a proper couple.
You're married.
And I have to go home.
But if you could staywould you? It's my home.
And Anyway, your life is here, your family.
Isn't that what came in our head just then? What if you did stay here? I don't know.
What if you got a job for a while? Don't talk like this.
Don't talk like this! Oh, come on! Come on.
It's not such a bad offer, is it? Is it? And I just rub it in? Yeah, you just rub it in.
Face, neck, arms.
Leave your feet and your ankles till last or you'll sweat it off.
What shall we do about me cock? Leave it small and pink.
The suntan won't fool anyone.
Streaking like mad.
If you're as dark as Andy Cole, you've gone too far.
You need to stop around Paul Ince.
(LAUGHTER) What? Come here, man.
It's not even on the back of your neck.
If they're close enough to see the back of my neck, I'm dead meat anyway.
If we do this right, nobody's going to get near us.
Get kitted out.
Bloody hell! Americans make the best body armour in the world and Russians make the best machine guns.
Tells you everything you need to know about the Cold War.
It's like being in the British army, innit, but with equipment.
Right, this is some serious shit we're in today, boys.
We're going to places where they've started to kidnap people for fun.
Yunis will tell you.
Yep.
Bandit country.
Always has been.
One Mr Burgess is bidding to rebuild eight hospitals and ten clinics.
We get this right, and we really get this right.
We get it wrong, you're looking at star billing on Al Jazeera in an orange jumpsuit.
(LAUGHTER) We go in right through the Shia flats His grades started slipping when you went away.
Well, maybe he's just not the school type, you know? That's what I've been trying to say.
Maybe I'm like Dad.
Just tell him to knuckle down, tell him he's got to do better.
(SIGHING) Look, son.
Even if you join the Green, you're gonna want some qualifications, you know? You don't want infantry I don't believe I'm hearing this! The whole point of him doing well at school is that he DOESN'T end up in the Army.
What, and end up like me, you mean? Yeah.
If you like! What's wrong with ending up like me? Do you wanna tell me? You go out to some shit hole and you hate it, you come back home and you hate it! It's not exactly a recipe for a happy life.
For your information, Basra is not a shit hole.
It's full of forests and picnics and poems, and all sorts of stuff.
Sorry, I didn't realise you'd turned into David soddin' Attenborough(!) I'll try harder at school, all right? I'll try harder! Right, are you happy now? It might save your legs if we get shot at.
It's me head I'm worried about.
(SQUEAKING) We shouldn't be hanging around here much longer.
Last time I was here, I was walking around these streets talking to people.
What do you expect? No electrics, no water.
Ali Babas everywhere.
It's not all our fault.
Well What you need to know is that the Sunnis and the Shi'ahs, they hate each other, but they hate you more.
What about you? That's my religion.
I don't believe in anything else.
How have you managed this? You're only about 12, aren't you? Ali, Shahida and Yasin.
And my wife Fatima.
Doctor, engineer, lawyer.
No messing with guns for them.
Lovely family.
I'm a lucky man.
DANNY: Right, let's get going.
Yeah? I'm glad I'm working with a lucky man.
Yeah, OK.
Let's go.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING) I think you're too late.
What do you mean, too late? Yeah.
Sorry, they left yesterday.
Left? What do you mean, left? They went home.
To Iraq? All right? So, you build hospitals, then, Mr Burgess? Well, I finance the building of hospitals.
I don't literally build them.
How much would you get for, like, putting this place to rights? Danny, customer discretion.
Just ignore him, Mr Burgess.
Huh! I intend to.
What? NICKY: You're going back? Can't you just say no? What can I do? They're short of medics out there.
What about Territorials? I thought they were dripping with medics? It's different for them, isn't it? They can't keep going back every six months.
They've got normal jobs to do.
Lucky them! What's that supposed to mean? That's what you promised me before the kids were born, Mike.
A normal job! LESTER: OK.
Hold on.
This might be a little bumpy.
Why aren't we going back the same way? Cos it they saw us leave, it'd give them the chance to plant an IED and neg us on the way back.
Oh, shit, we've lost them.
We've lost Yunis and Hibbsy.
They'll catch up.
Just keep moving.
Shit.
Road block.
Is there a problem? No, it's OK, it's OK.
Don't worry.
It's not fair on men, that, is it? What? Pull a women in a veil, you take a risk.
You won't know what's under there till you get them home.
Like pulling a woman in a power cut.
Shut up, Danny.
Something doesn't smell right.
Is there something wrong? Shit.
What the hell? Get down! Get down! (GUNFIRE) (SCREAMING) DANNY: Drive! Go, go, go! Drive! Fucking drive! Drive! Fucking drive! (CONFUSED SHOUTING) (LESTER GROANS) Stay down! Fucking drive! Keep going! Come on! Keep praying, Mr Burgess.
You keep praying.
Lester, stay with me.
Come on, stay with me.
Lester! Fuck! (WAILING) Lester! Lester! (GROANING) Mr Burgess, it's OK.
Lester! Lester! Contact 1300 hours.
Vehicle engaged by small arms.
We have casualties and need assistance to Red 7.
.
.
Lester! Lester! Lester! Lester! It's OK, Mr Burgess.
I'm going to get help.
OK? It's OK.
Protocolprotocolprotocol Lesterprotocol We've been ambushed! Ambushed! We've got two T1s and a T2.
Whoa! We've been ambushed.
Look! We've been ambushed! No! No, no, no! It's all right.
I'm English.
I'm English.
I'm one of youse.
No, English! No, no.
Look, look! See? It's OK.
I'm English.
I'm Stop! Oh, fuck it! No! No! No! No! No! No! Stop the I'm fucking English! I'm English! English! I'm English! I'm English! I'm English I'm from Kirby! Have you seen this doctor around? .
.
I can't get her out of my head.
You get measured up for a dishdash and live happily ever after? No chance.
I'm gonna find her.
People change! People turn out not to be what you thought they were! There is no right in this country.
It's just wrong and wronger.
I need you to bend some rules.
Do that and I'll tell you where your Iraqi girlfriend is.
Please don't lie to me.
DANNY: It's what you want, innit?