October Faction (2020) s01e01 Episode Script
Presidio
1 - [CLICKING.]
- [SNARLING.]
- [GUNFIRE.]
- [SCREECHING.]
[BLEEPING.]
[HELICOPTER FLYING OVERHEAD.]
[SIGHS.]
[BLEEP.]
[BLEEP.]
Head office already wants an update? That was quick.
Dad's dead.
Heart attack.
- What? When? - Yesterday.
Oh, my God, honey.
Okay.
I can make travel arrangements, pick up the kids from school.
We can be there by tomorrow.
- [GROWLING.]
- Wow.
Goin' home.
Talk about scary shit.
[SNARLING.]
Come on, babe.
Show a little backbone.
[GROWLING.]
[BOY.]
Yeah, Grandpa's death was definitely foul play.
Trust me.
This'll be good.
Consider, okay, reclusive grandfather, mysterious town rich guy suddenly faceplants in the shower.
I mean, authorities can call it "natural causes" all they want, but any watcher of classic television knows how this ends.
The local British novelist reveals the whole thing to be a carefully-planned crime.
[MAN SPEAKING JAPANESE THROUGH EARPHONES.]
[IN JAPANESE.]
I just hope Angela Lansbury is at the funeral.
She's one classy lady.
Wrote is how you learned Japanese? Three seasons of The A-Team in Mandarin Beijing was my bitch.
I thought they used Rosetta Stone.
'80s-era TV's way more effective, Dad.
Tell head office.
Think of all the insurance you could sell - with your corporate terrorist friends.
- Hey! We're not corporate terrorists, and we don't sell insurance, Geoff.
Right.
Sorry.
It's "risk assessment".
Remember, we're here to pay our respects to Grandpa and then it's sayonara Barington, copy? Solid copy.
[DAD.]
Can we have the ID badges back, please? They're company property.
So, how are you two feeling about the new school? I'm diggin' it.
I already joined the senior year Facebook page.
Viv? The science labs are pretty dope.
I like that it's close to Nakanoshima Park.
What else? The Mr.
Donut on Naniwa Ward is killing it with their choco-ring game.
What about students? Anyone interesting in your year? It's only been three weeks.
I know, but we agreed that you'd make more of an effort this time It's a new language, a new school.
- Some slack is not unwarranted - to connect with people.
You do realize the insanity of being on my back because I use school to expand my mind, - not posting Instas and fake friends? - Hey! We know you're a straight-A student.
What you need practice at is people.
You promised you'd try.
You go pee, I'll try to get some gas.
Viv.
Let's go check it out.
Hello? - [SHOP DOOR BELL RINGS.]
- Can we get some gas? - [MUSIC PLAYS.]
- I'm a real catch! [GEOFF.]
What is this? Yeah, I'm hooked.
Oh, this is definitely coming home with me.
[VIV.]
What is this? Destiny is not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice.
If seek you your fate, the Oracle Omari can tell you what is to be.
Do you wish to know your fortune? Crap-tacular.
[WHIRRING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[MOTHER.]
This is taking forever.
Hey! Need a fill up.
Take your business somewhere else.
- [SHOP DOOR BELL RINGS.]
- Is there a problem? Her.
She's not welcome here.
What did you say? - What's goin' on? - Not worth it, honey.
Come on.
- Kids, back in the car.
- Racist much? Viv.
Now.
Babe, let's go.
It's your lucky day, pal.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Welcome home, Dad.
Must be nice to be back at Wayne Manor.
Hm.
Hey, Viv, what are the chances of there being wi-fi? [VIV.]
Let's hope so.
[MAN.]
Where the hell have you been, young man? I went to visit Seth in the city.
It's two a.
m.
! Why didn't he drive you home? Where'd you get this? Fred? [FATHER.]
Frederick! Where's your brother? - [MOTHER.]
Where is Seth? - [VIV.]
Dad! I really need to pee.
[FRED.]
All right, let's get this over with.
- Three days, babe.
- Mm-hm.
[CREAKING.]
[GEOFF.]
Well, at least now we know why Dad didn't get along with Gramps.
The tapestries alone in this place are grounds for abuse.
Look at this.
[WOMAN.]
Knock, knock! Hello? [GASPS.]
There they are! The prodigal family returns.
My deepest condolences to all of you.
What a total and horrific shock this must've been.
- Samuel was a - I'm sorry? - You are? - Sandra St.
Claire.
I'm handling your father's estate and have been named - as executor of his will.
- Terrific.
This is my wife, Deloris.
Hello.
And welcome to Barington-on-Hudson.
You don't remember me, do you? Dee-Dee Lang? Class of '87.
The only black girl? Deloris Lang.
My God, of course.
[CHUCKLES.]
Our kids, Geoff and Vivian.
- And how old? - 17.
[BOTH, IN UNISON.]
Twins.
Oh! Interesting.
[LAUGHS.]
My daughter Madison is the same age as you two.
I have her every other weekend.
Three years divorced.
Don't ask.
Total nightmare situation with my ex.
But while you're here, you should all do a playdate or uh, hookup, or whatever they call it these days.
- We'd be delighted.
- We're only gonna be here a few days, so Next time.
Uh A copy of Samuel's will, including provisions for funeral arrangements, which I've already taken care of personally.
Plus a sealed codicil left solely for you.
At some point, not now of course, we should discuss upkeep and conservation - for the house and estate - We're selling it as soon as possible.
So, you pick a realtor and price it to go quick.
[GASPS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- [SAMUEL.]
God! That girl is not Presidio material! Why Jesus, you're barely material and you're one of us.
[SCOFFS.]
You made that pretty clear.
Margaret, talk some sense into the boy.
For God's sake, Fred.
Joining Presidio is a huge step for anyone.
It existed longer than this country.
It's not for the faint of heart.
It was good enough for Seth.
Seth? Seth was strong and look what happened to him.
But, you Listen, you are gonna have a hard enough time living up to your name.
But if you drag this girl into it, it'll only make it much more difficult.
I wasn't asking permission.
Oh! - [SAMUEL.]
Frederick! - [MARGARET.]
Frederick! [FEMALE VOICE.]
Agent Deloris Shabaz Allen identified.
Weapons check.
Accessing inventory.
Agent Frederick Charles Allen identified.
Launch main interface.
Do you require further assistance? No, thanks.
I've got this.
Upload everything to New York HQ and then initiate permanent shutdown protocols.
Please confirm Agent Samuel Allen no longer wishes to retain this post? Agent Samuel Allen is dead.
Incoming communication - from New York headquarters.
- [BLEEPING.]
Edith Mooreland.
[EDITH.]
Do you believe in karma, Agent Allen? Should I? I need to believe on some level that the universe punishes evil.
Oh, he wasn't an evil man, Edith.
A stubborn prick? Definitely.
Mm I think there's a little bit of evil in all of us.
That's how we get the job done.
Your father was a good agent.
He taught me everything I know.
Um It's bad luck to speak ill of the dead.
Although, in this case, I think I'll make an exception.
Well, I'm sorry I won't be there to hear your eulogy.
I, uh, uploaded everything he had here to New York.
Most of the data's actually pretty old.
I don't think Samuel had been very active since he vacated his seat on the board.
He kept the portal out of habit more than anything else.
Presidio agents never retire, you know that.
What? There's no retirement package? Well, would you really take one if there was? No one likes being on the outside looking in.
Not after doing what we do.
How are Deloris and the kids holding up? Can we stop pretending this is a big tragedy? I'm transferring the both of you to Oslo.
All signs point to a highly active October.
Sat-tracking data pinpoints hotspots at the Finnish-Russian border.
I know you just got settled in Japan, - but I need my top agents on this.
- When? Thursday.
I thought Octobers were getting better the past few years - and we were turning the tide? - We are.
Just not this year.
Do you know what I love about working for you, Edith? It's your sense of timing and occasion.
My condolences.
From what I hear, the old man essentially just drove Grandma away.
Can you blame her? Being married to a shut-in must've been a blast.
Oh, I'm sure Margaret wasn't the easiest to get along with.
I doubt seven years in Boca softened her up much.
[VIV.]
Nope.
- Think she'll come to the funeral? - [SCOFFS.]
No.
Interesting.
Wonder what's inside.
Yes! I can feel the mystic energies coming from within.
[INHALES.]
On the other side of this door are more shitty antiques.
And you've joined the war on science.
Hey, guys! It's gettin' late.
I got a few more things to do here, so why don't you guys go back to the hotel? - What? - [GROANS.]
No.
Seriously? We stay in hotels everywhere, and here's an actual house, where you've actually lived, and you want us to go get a room that would probably look like a Jackson Pollock painting if you put a blacklight in it? Ugh.
Not everyone hates this place as much as you do, Dad.
Some of us might actually wanna know a little more about our family history.
Okay.
- Do you want to know? - Yeah.
Your ancestors helped found this country, built this house, now we're gonna sell it.
End of history lesson.
You know what, Dad, I have to agree with Viv on this one.
I find the Motel 6 option ten times creepier than this.
Okay, so posting up here is not the worst idea.
We've gotta do a more thorough scrub for weapons and tech, set it up for a Presidio clean-out team And Geoff's not wrong about the Motel 6.
[FRED.]
All right.
Get your stuff.
Grab a room.
Who wants pizza? - [GEOFF.]
Really? - Yeah.
[BOTH, IN UNISON.]
I get the bigger room.
[VIV LAUGHING.]
[CICADAS CHIRPING.]
[SIGHS.]
[CREAKING.]
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[SOBBING.]
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry! [VIV.]
Dad hasn't cried yet.
Not in front of you.
It's just It was his father.
[SIGHS.]
Your dad and Grandpa Samuel had a complex relationship.
- They hated each other.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You know, I think that Grandpa Samuel believed he was doing what was right for your dad, but obviously he sees it differently.
And you disagree? [SIGHS.]
I think I don't know.
I think that being a parent is hard and not always black and white.
- Except in our case, of course.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I just can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you or Dad.
Oh, sweetie, it goes both ways.
But I know we'd do it differently.
Even so, I think Dad is sad, even if he won't show it.
Well, everyone shows their sadness differently.
So, I think the best thing we can do for your father is let him know we're here for him when he's ready.
Might be a long wait.
Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- This is it.
Yeah.
Okay, this one? Or this? Come on.
We're not funeral directors, Dad.
Let's I don't know, spice things up a little bit.
Look.
I like this one.
I found it in Grandpa's closet.
It belonged to my brother.
- Seth, right? - Mm-hm.
How old were you, uh when he Hm, about the same age you are now.
How did he die? He was in a club in Manhattan.
Someone stabbed him.
There.
I pick up these thoughts [SIGHS.]
That looks good.
Bury them in darkness [MAN.]
A reading from the book of Romans, chapter six Shackle them with kid gloves Fasten my cloak Therefore we are buried with Him by baptism into death - Tryin' not to notice - as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father The fire inside - That roars - Even so, we also should walk in the newness of life.
- Underneath this skin - Samuel Allen's deeds of generosity were as deeply rooted and as numerous as the years - since his ancestors first settled here.
- Underneath my breath - He was a patron of Barington-on-Hudson.
- There's a sea of reticence Underneath [CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
Jesus, she's here.
Oh! Oh, please tell me he's still dead.
Great timing.
Funeral's over.
Oh, darling, I died a thousand deaths with that man and none of you ever came to those funerals.
And besides, I can't stand the ass-kissing.
God, this town's so full of parasites.
But I'll be closin' the bank on that shit, tout de suite.
Where are Deloris and the kids? Getting ice cream downtown, girding their loins for, you know, some superficial party, what we used to call "Saturday.
" Oh, how I miss those soirées we used to throw here.
I am stunned by how much younger you look every year.
Is there anything left in the trust fund or is it all just in this sort of vicinity? First of all, beauty has no price.
And to answer your question, you greedy little prick, there's plenty.
I'll be upstairs resting until this charade's over.
Are you skipping the wake too? Yeah? Why show up at all? I'd like to spend a little time with my grandchildren.
James! God knows it's been a while.
Wait, you're staying? Is that a problem? Mother, why are you really here? Why do you think, darling? I want the house.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
[MARGARET.]
Oh, Henry, stop Viv! - You remember Sandra.
- From yesterday? - [DELORIS.]
Yeah.
- Sure.
O-M-G, I love what you're wearing.
[GIGGLES.]
Maddy! Maddy, honey! Come.
Maddy, why don't you take Vivian to meet your friends? They're just a fantastic group, really.
Jesus Christ, Mother, it's Madison.
[WOMAN.]
Yes.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm gonna find some booze.
Geoff! Hey, Geoff! Come here.
Come on.
This is my son, Geoff.
Meet, uh - Bill Mishra.
- Yeah.
Future mayor, Bill Mishra.
Am I right? - That's the plan.
- It's nice to meet you, sir.
My son, Phillip.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Swell party, yeah? The salmon mousse is almost edible.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
- [WOMAN.]
Hi! Yeah, I'm so I'm sorry about [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Awkward.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, stranger.
- Holy shit! - [LAUGHS.]
Look who it is! Oh! How long has it been? Uh - 15? 20 years? - Mm, it's been a while.
[SIGHS.]
I I should've called more.
Or just, at all.
- I'm sorry.
- It's life, right? I'm over it.
I just wanted to say hey and offer you my sympathies.
I mean, you not only lost a father-in-law, - but also - [LAUGHS.]
You hated him, didn't you? - Despised the man.
- Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no! Ah, you married into the family.
Well, it got me out of this fuckin' town.
Hey, I chose to stay.
Made some new friends, which I'm sure you did too, travelin' all over like a fancy-ass bitch.
Oh, yeah, the insurance crowd.
- Phew! - [CHUCKLES.]
Zero glamour.
Trust me.
What about you? Well, uh, as it happens I got your dad's old job.
Wow.
He'd be really proud.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Thank you.
- Same office? - Same chair.
It's Barington-on-Hudson, honey.
Nothin' ever changes.
I'm sure you're noticing that.
Actually, we stopped at Hudson Auto - to get gas on the way in yesterday.
- Mm? Basil's dad practically told me to get the fuck off his property.
Yeah, don't take it personally.
His dad never really recovered after Baz went away.
What do you mean? - [WOMAN.]
I'm so sorry.
- You don't know.
- [FRED.]
My bad.
- [WOMAN.]
No, don't - Come here.
- [WOMAN.]
I'll clean it up.
Do you remember that fire at Killigan's Pharmacy? Turns out it was Baz.
Did seven years upstate.
B and E, arson Seeing any of his old friends kinda sets the old man off.
[FRED.]
I'll drink to that.
Get a waiter? Now you and Fred Allen That I did not see coming.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[DELORIS.]
Yeah, he he grows on you.
Looks like he's havin' fun.
Uh Yeah, so I'm You go.
It's great to have your family in the area.
Maybe we all can get to do some things together.
- Hi, hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Bill Mishra.
- Nice to meet you.
- My wife.
- It's nice to - I'm gonna steal him away.
- See you later.
- Chat with you later.
- I'm in trouble, aren't I? [BIRDSONG.]
- Okay, okay.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Whew! - Whoo! [SIGHS.]
Hey, was that Gina Fernandez back there? Sheriff Gina Fernandez now.
Shit! She looks good.
Okay, easy, tiger.
- Oh! - [SIGHS.]
Only my family could be the founders of a place so entirely full of ass-kissing fucktards.
I mean, I'm serious, man, all they want is his money.
I don't mind it, actually.
- It was nice to see Gina.
- Come on, Dee.
This was like a living hell for you.
You are drunk at your father's wake.
I realize being back here stirs up a lot of emotion for you, - but avoiding them - No, no Don't psychoanalyze me.
Don't psychoanalyze me.
I'm not in the mood.
Oh, right, because you have a "special mood" for introspection.
My father was a self-absorbed asshole.
What do you want? Tears? What I want from you is an actual conversation, Fred.
Something that you've been avoiding for a long time.
Though I would I would settle for you not being plastered in front of our kids.
Oh, wow! Dad is loaded.
Yeah, we're having a private conversation, honey.
But "loaded" is the right word.
Oh, my How are you, pumpkin? I'm I'm good.
How are you? - Oh, God.
- Okay.
- [GIGGLES.]
- Oh! Okay.
Hi, Dad.
So, um the caterers are freaking out because, apparently, we're out of Prosecco and wine.
- Hm! - Also, the snack-per-snob ratio is dangerously low.
Well, tell 'em Here.
Tell 'em we'll go pick up supplies.
Uh, first of all, isn't that their job? Secondly, should you be driving? Ye And your dad needs some air.
Your mom will drive.
I will supervise.
Okay.
Don't be long.
People are starting to sober up.
- [SIGHS.]
- Except Dad.
Sorry I'm a dick.
You know what? Screw the rental.
[ENGINE REVS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Kiss my ass, Barington! Let it go, keep it comin' Oh Oh! - Ooh - Oh, my God! Oh, look at that.
- That brings back memories.
- Aww! - I miss that old thing.
- Aah! Aww! Bring her on over.
Whereas I missed this - Hey! - [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, God.
I'm goin' home I'm goin' home [DELORIS.]
So, do you think they have any idea? [FRED.]
No! They have no idea.
- Mm.
- I mean, if those fuckers knew what my dad really did What our real business was Oy, oy they wouldn't be askin' for money.
No, they'd run screaming.
[CHUCKLES.]
"Aah! Monsters! God, no, help me!" [COUGHS.]
Oh! Damn.
Do you know, if [COUGHS.]
if my mom wants it, she can have it.
- What? - The house.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's just one huge-ass freakin' lie.
I swear to God, man, I can't wait to get the hell outta Dodge.
What? You think we're any different? Everything we do, our work, our past - It's all a lie.
- No, it's not the same.
Bullshit, Fred.
Our kids don't even know who we are.
- They don't know who they are.
- Yeah, and they never will.
- Oh, because it's too dangerous? - Damn right.
Now, what if it's too dangerous not to tell them? Like, if the world we know comes knocking, they are not prepared, Fred, - and they are not little kids anymore.
- Well, sweetie, then we protect them.
- You know what I mean.
- I know what you're doing is ruining a fine buzz off this very fine weed.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- We are not done talking about this.
- Come on.
- We are not done talking about this.
- [OLD MAN VOICE.]
My daddy just died.
- [LAUGHS.]
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
- That was so lame.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What? - I smoke? Do you remember the last time we were in this car - and we got high? - Oh, God! - That was good.
- Stay on mission, Agent Allen.
- Oh, Jesus.
- I'm goin' home [LAUGHS.]
I'm goin' home - Okay, it's going - Six dollars, all right.
- Okay.
Oh - Let's get some of this.
- Do me a favor, go get liquor.
- Oh, ah - Oh! - Oh, I'm gettin' these.
My faves.
Shit! - I smell sulfur and copper in the air.
- Yeah, I smell it, too.
And we have no decent weapons and no proper scanners.
Well, then we gotta go old-school.
[BLEEPING.]
- [HIGH-PITCHED BLEEP.]
- Got 'em.
There's two of them.
Oh, and they've picked a target.
Oh, this just got better.
Should've stayed in the car.
That weed was good.
Why do you get that and I get this? Because you're drunk, babe.
Selfish.
I used to be an ad man, you know.
Yeah.
Like Full corporate for 15 years.
I made EVP.
I was getting year-end bonuses, the works.
You know that, uh spot for, uh J-Money's Pink Lemonade? When your thirst takes a hit! - J-Money's gonna get you - Money - Yeah! I know that.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
- Hm? - Ah - Yeah, I mean It's not so good I admit it.
But the year-end bonus from that? Now, that was lit! Yeah.
What does "lit" even mean? So, let me guess, good money, hours suck? Ah, burnt out, man.
- Yeah? - And then the next 20 years - was, like, pfft - More of the same? Yeah.
So I was just, "Fuck it".
I traded in my stock options, got a bitchin' Airstream.
- Hit the road with the missus.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Huh? Besides, they don't make 'em like they used to.
You know, real classics? - Five, five, five, 22, 22! - 22 Pizza Gino brings it hot to you! Bom, bom - We're open late - Ooh-ooh-way-eeh [BOTH LAUGH.]
Yeah! Pizza Gino! Love it! - Yeah! - Yeah, the classics you remember.
Oh, my Lord, yeah.
[SIGHS.]
It's all shallower now.
There's no pride.
There's no joy.
- And social media - Oh, my God.
Don't get me started.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm - [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You don't have to do this, you know.
Me and the wife, we could just hit the road.
We were never here.
We don't really do "catch and release", for obvious reasons.
What reasons, though? - Well - 'Cause we're dangerous? - We're predators? - Mm.
Did you know we are vegetarians? Our kind, we don't eat meat because killing and eating helpless animals is disgusting.
You are not helpless.
We're endangered and we're being hunted until our ecological purpose is meaningless.
Hey, buddy, I know what your purpose is.
That's why I got a job.
What I'm trying to say is you don't have to be like the rest of Presidio.
You seem like a decent guy.
So let my wife and I walk out of here.
We go back to our lives, you go back to yours No harm, no foul.
What about him? What about that guy? Hangin' like a piece of beef.
He is both harm and pretty foul.
He had heart disease and untreated diabetes.
- We did him a favor - Can't let you go.
- Yeah, you can.
- No, I can't.
Yes, you can.
Mm-mm.
[SIGHS.]
Jesus, man, it's Saturday.
[SCREECHING.]
I promise that you will never, ever, see me or my wife ever again.
[SIGHS.]
Nice conversation? That's the J-Money Pink Lemonade guy, right there.
[GROWLING.]
- Oh.
- [FIRES.]
[VIV.]
Please let this nightmare end.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, but the nightmare's just beginning.
- Grandpa's will? - Mm-hm.
- You're shameless.
- Curious.
Plus, Dad shouldn't be leaving important documents where it's so easy to find.
Which for me is, like, anywhere.
And? The only thing clearly stipulated here is that Sandy St.
Claire can't read a legal document to save her Chardonnay-soaked life.
Grandma should be on the warpath.
Make this town forage elsewhere for money.
Well, the free ride's definitely over.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Not that we get anything out of it.
But we're family.
[SCOFFS.]
Are we? Look around, Viv.
Do you see any evidence of us as part of the Allen legacy? This place is white privilege HQ.
Turns out we're not invited.
My mom says the old dude hid, like, millions of dollars somewhere in this house and that he was super-cray paranoid about it.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
[IN JAPANESE.]
The funeral guy.
Still? You're so thirsty it's borderline pathetic.
Madison! Hey, girl! Listen, um I could get into a lot of trouble for saying this, but we heard that rumor too.
In fact, we were gonna try to talk to our grandfather via a real-life séance.
Séances freak me out.
- We should totally do one.
- Right? And you know who's the shit at contacting the dead? This girl.
What? Actually I Really? 'Cause I'm so not into any bullshit right now.
No! I mean, I know what a séance is, but Viv, stop being so modest, okay? Her and the old man were like this.
Hive mind.
So, unless you guys are digging this whole festival of parents I'm down.
- Let's do it.
- Awesome.
Well, I will join you as soon as I get us some cocktails.
Love it.
You're so nice! You are! What are you doing? [IN JAPANESE.]
You need to practice with people.
I will murder you for this.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right, expert.
Lead the way.
- Whew.
- [SIGHS.]
I'm not sure what those two were doing out here, but an S and D team should sweep the area.
I'll call it in.
- That was not my best work.
- Ah.
You think the local law will buy it? Yeah, you sliced open the guy's carotid artery to hide the bite marks, took off an earlobe, carved a pentagram into his ass If the cops don't think "serial killer," I'm, you know, opening up some Texas-themed salad bar.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Thanks, honey.
That dress was new.
By the way, I had him.
- You didn't have him, Fred.
He had you.
- Yeah.
- Better than being back at the house.
- Wow! Can we end the pity party, please? 72 hours and we're back in Osaka.
Oslo.
Edith had us transferred again.
- You are fucking kidding me.
- Nope.
We just got the kids into good schools.
Do you know how hard it is to get into a good school in Japan? - I know.
- It's impossible! But we did it! - And now, fu fucking Oslo? - Yeah.
Some Norwegian monsters need killing.
No, we're not going.
What? - [GASPS.]
- Presidio gives us a mission, we take it.
That's the way it works, Deloris.
You know damn well why we can't go to Oslo.
Because it just happened again.
You are off your game, and you know it.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
It's not just you, it's both of us.
25 years nonstop.
We are burned out.
And now with Samuel gone, I can tell you've you've lost your taste for it.
My dad is not the reason I joined Presidio I know.
It was Seth.
But you wanted Samuel to care.
And now you're positive both of them are sitting up there judging your ass.
- I don't need that in a partner.
- I'll get my swing back.
No, it's not just about your swing.
It's about the kids.
It's about us.
So, what do you want from me? Time, Fred.
To tell Geoff and Viv the truth about Presidio, about what's out there Ju Uh, everything.
[STARTS ENGINE.]
It's usually better to do this at night.
[MADISON.]
Well, no pussying out on us now.
Or would you rather sneak off and speak Chinese with your brother? Phones away or his spirit won't come.
Grandpa Samuel we gather here in the hope for a sign of your presence.
Please feel welcome to enter our circle when you're ready.
[UNDOES ZIPPER.]
Hey! What the fuck? Spirits of my blood show a sign if you can hear.
[ALL GASPING.]
- [GIRL.]
Guys? - Oh What the fuck? [GASPS.]
What the hell is her problem? [GASPS.]
[SOBBING.]
[BOY.]
Oh, my God - [GASPING.]
- [GIRL.]
Stop it! Just make it stop! - [GIRL 2.]
Let's get out of here.
- Let's go.
- Get the fuck off me.
- Jesus! Fucking freak! - Jesus Christ! - Let's get out of here.
- [BOY.]
Crazy! - [GIRL.]
What I don't know!
- [SNARLING.]
- [GUNFIRE.]
- [SCREECHING.]
[BLEEPING.]
[HELICOPTER FLYING OVERHEAD.]
[SIGHS.]
[BLEEP.]
[BLEEP.]
Head office already wants an update? That was quick.
Dad's dead.
Heart attack.
- What? When? - Yesterday.
Oh, my God, honey.
Okay.
I can make travel arrangements, pick up the kids from school.
We can be there by tomorrow.
- [GROWLING.]
- Wow.
Goin' home.
Talk about scary shit.
[SNARLING.]
Come on, babe.
Show a little backbone.
[GROWLING.]
[BOY.]
Yeah, Grandpa's death was definitely foul play.
Trust me.
This'll be good.
Consider, okay, reclusive grandfather, mysterious town rich guy suddenly faceplants in the shower.
I mean, authorities can call it "natural causes" all they want, but any watcher of classic television knows how this ends.
The local British novelist reveals the whole thing to be a carefully-planned crime.
[MAN SPEAKING JAPANESE THROUGH EARPHONES.]
[IN JAPANESE.]
I just hope Angela Lansbury is at the funeral.
She's one classy lady.
Wrote is how you learned Japanese? Three seasons of The A-Team in Mandarin Beijing was my bitch.
I thought they used Rosetta Stone.
'80s-era TV's way more effective, Dad.
Tell head office.
Think of all the insurance you could sell - with your corporate terrorist friends.
- Hey! We're not corporate terrorists, and we don't sell insurance, Geoff.
Right.
Sorry.
It's "risk assessment".
Remember, we're here to pay our respects to Grandpa and then it's sayonara Barington, copy? Solid copy.
[DAD.]
Can we have the ID badges back, please? They're company property.
So, how are you two feeling about the new school? I'm diggin' it.
I already joined the senior year Facebook page.
Viv? The science labs are pretty dope.
I like that it's close to Nakanoshima Park.
What else? The Mr.
Donut on Naniwa Ward is killing it with their choco-ring game.
What about students? Anyone interesting in your year? It's only been three weeks.
I know, but we agreed that you'd make more of an effort this time It's a new language, a new school.
- Some slack is not unwarranted - to connect with people.
You do realize the insanity of being on my back because I use school to expand my mind, - not posting Instas and fake friends? - Hey! We know you're a straight-A student.
What you need practice at is people.
You promised you'd try.
You go pee, I'll try to get some gas.
Viv.
Let's go check it out.
Hello? - [SHOP DOOR BELL RINGS.]
- Can we get some gas? - [MUSIC PLAYS.]
- I'm a real catch! [GEOFF.]
What is this? Yeah, I'm hooked.
Oh, this is definitely coming home with me.
[VIV.]
What is this? Destiny is not a matter of chance, but a matter of choice.
If seek you your fate, the Oracle Omari can tell you what is to be.
Do you wish to know your fortune? Crap-tacular.
[WHIRRING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[MOTHER.]
This is taking forever.
Hey! Need a fill up.
Take your business somewhere else.
- [SHOP DOOR BELL RINGS.]
- Is there a problem? Her.
She's not welcome here.
What did you say? - What's goin' on? - Not worth it, honey.
Come on.
- Kids, back in the car.
- Racist much? Viv.
Now.
Babe, let's go.
It's your lucky day, pal.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Welcome home, Dad.
Must be nice to be back at Wayne Manor.
Hm.
Hey, Viv, what are the chances of there being wi-fi? [VIV.]
Let's hope so.
[MAN.]
Where the hell have you been, young man? I went to visit Seth in the city.
It's two a.
m.
! Why didn't he drive you home? Where'd you get this? Fred? [FATHER.]
Frederick! Where's your brother? - [MOTHER.]
Where is Seth? - [VIV.]
Dad! I really need to pee.
[FRED.]
All right, let's get this over with.
- Three days, babe.
- Mm-hm.
[CREAKING.]
[GEOFF.]
Well, at least now we know why Dad didn't get along with Gramps.
The tapestries alone in this place are grounds for abuse.
Look at this.
[WOMAN.]
Knock, knock! Hello? [GASPS.]
There they are! The prodigal family returns.
My deepest condolences to all of you.
What a total and horrific shock this must've been.
- Samuel was a - I'm sorry? - You are? - Sandra St.
Claire.
I'm handling your father's estate and have been named - as executor of his will.
- Terrific.
This is my wife, Deloris.
Hello.
And welcome to Barington-on-Hudson.
You don't remember me, do you? Dee-Dee Lang? Class of '87.
The only black girl? Deloris Lang.
My God, of course.
[CHUCKLES.]
Our kids, Geoff and Vivian.
- And how old? - 17.
[BOTH, IN UNISON.]
Twins.
Oh! Interesting.
[LAUGHS.]
My daughter Madison is the same age as you two.
I have her every other weekend.
Three years divorced.
Don't ask.
Total nightmare situation with my ex.
But while you're here, you should all do a playdate or uh, hookup, or whatever they call it these days.
- We'd be delighted.
- We're only gonna be here a few days, so Next time.
Uh A copy of Samuel's will, including provisions for funeral arrangements, which I've already taken care of personally.
Plus a sealed codicil left solely for you.
At some point, not now of course, we should discuss upkeep and conservation - for the house and estate - We're selling it as soon as possible.
So, you pick a realtor and price it to go quick.
[GASPS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- [SAMUEL.]
God! That girl is not Presidio material! Why Jesus, you're barely material and you're one of us.
[SCOFFS.]
You made that pretty clear.
Margaret, talk some sense into the boy.
For God's sake, Fred.
Joining Presidio is a huge step for anyone.
It existed longer than this country.
It's not for the faint of heart.
It was good enough for Seth.
Seth? Seth was strong and look what happened to him.
But, you Listen, you are gonna have a hard enough time living up to your name.
But if you drag this girl into it, it'll only make it much more difficult.
I wasn't asking permission.
Oh! - [SAMUEL.]
Frederick! - [MARGARET.]
Frederick! [FEMALE VOICE.]
Agent Deloris Shabaz Allen identified.
Weapons check.
Accessing inventory.
Agent Frederick Charles Allen identified.
Launch main interface.
Do you require further assistance? No, thanks.
I've got this.
Upload everything to New York HQ and then initiate permanent shutdown protocols.
Please confirm Agent Samuel Allen no longer wishes to retain this post? Agent Samuel Allen is dead.
Incoming communication - from New York headquarters.
- [BLEEPING.]
Edith Mooreland.
[EDITH.]
Do you believe in karma, Agent Allen? Should I? I need to believe on some level that the universe punishes evil.
Oh, he wasn't an evil man, Edith.
A stubborn prick? Definitely.
Mm I think there's a little bit of evil in all of us.
That's how we get the job done.
Your father was a good agent.
He taught me everything I know.
Um It's bad luck to speak ill of the dead.
Although, in this case, I think I'll make an exception.
Well, I'm sorry I won't be there to hear your eulogy.
I, uh, uploaded everything he had here to New York.
Most of the data's actually pretty old.
I don't think Samuel had been very active since he vacated his seat on the board.
He kept the portal out of habit more than anything else.
Presidio agents never retire, you know that.
What? There's no retirement package? Well, would you really take one if there was? No one likes being on the outside looking in.
Not after doing what we do.
How are Deloris and the kids holding up? Can we stop pretending this is a big tragedy? I'm transferring the both of you to Oslo.
All signs point to a highly active October.
Sat-tracking data pinpoints hotspots at the Finnish-Russian border.
I know you just got settled in Japan, - but I need my top agents on this.
- When? Thursday.
I thought Octobers were getting better the past few years - and we were turning the tide? - We are.
Just not this year.
Do you know what I love about working for you, Edith? It's your sense of timing and occasion.
My condolences.
From what I hear, the old man essentially just drove Grandma away.
Can you blame her? Being married to a shut-in must've been a blast.
Oh, I'm sure Margaret wasn't the easiest to get along with.
I doubt seven years in Boca softened her up much.
[VIV.]
Nope.
- Think she'll come to the funeral? - [SCOFFS.]
No.
Interesting.
Wonder what's inside.
Yes! I can feel the mystic energies coming from within.
[INHALES.]
On the other side of this door are more shitty antiques.
And you've joined the war on science.
Hey, guys! It's gettin' late.
I got a few more things to do here, so why don't you guys go back to the hotel? - What? - [GROANS.]
No.
Seriously? We stay in hotels everywhere, and here's an actual house, where you've actually lived, and you want us to go get a room that would probably look like a Jackson Pollock painting if you put a blacklight in it? Ugh.
Not everyone hates this place as much as you do, Dad.
Some of us might actually wanna know a little more about our family history.
Okay.
- Do you want to know? - Yeah.
Your ancestors helped found this country, built this house, now we're gonna sell it.
End of history lesson.
You know what, Dad, I have to agree with Viv on this one.
I find the Motel 6 option ten times creepier than this.
Okay, so posting up here is not the worst idea.
We've gotta do a more thorough scrub for weapons and tech, set it up for a Presidio clean-out team And Geoff's not wrong about the Motel 6.
[FRED.]
All right.
Get your stuff.
Grab a room.
Who wants pizza? - [GEOFF.]
Really? - Yeah.
[BOTH, IN UNISON.]
I get the bigger room.
[VIV LAUGHING.]
[CICADAS CHIRPING.]
[SIGHS.]
[CREAKING.]
[CLOCK TICKING.]
[SOBBING.]
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry! [VIV.]
Dad hasn't cried yet.
Not in front of you.
It's just It was his father.
[SIGHS.]
Your dad and Grandpa Samuel had a complex relationship.
- They hated each other.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You know, I think that Grandpa Samuel believed he was doing what was right for your dad, but obviously he sees it differently.
And you disagree? [SIGHS.]
I think I don't know.
I think that being a parent is hard and not always black and white.
- Except in our case, of course.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I just can't imagine what I'd do if I lost you or Dad.
Oh, sweetie, it goes both ways.
But I know we'd do it differently.
Even so, I think Dad is sad, even if he won't show it.
Well, everyone shows their sadness differently.
So, I think the best thing we can do for your father is let him know we're here for him when he's ready.
Might be a long wait.
Yeah.
- [SIGHS.]
- This is it.
Yeah.
Okay, this one? Or this? Come on.
We're not funeral directors, Dad.
Let's I don't know, spice things up a little bit.
Look.
I like this one.
I found it in Grandpa's closet.
It belonged to my brother.
- Seth, right? - Mm-hm.
How old were you, uh when he Hm, about the same age you are now.
How did he die? He was in a club in Manhattan.
Someone stabbed him.
There.
I pick up these thoughts [SIGHS.]
That looks good.
Bury them in darkness [MAN.]
A reading from the book of Romans, chapter six Shackle them with kid gloves Fasten my cloak Therefore we are buried with Him by baptism into death - Tryin' not to notice - as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father The fire inside - That roars - Even so, we also should walk in the newness of life.
- Underneath this skin - Samuel Allen's deeds of generosity were as deeply rooted and as numerous as the years - since his ancestors first settled here.
- Underneath my breath - He was a patron of Barington-on-Hudson.
- There's a sea of reticence Underneath [CAR DOOR SLAMS.]
Jesus, she's here.
Oh! Oh, please tell me he's still dead.
Great timing.
Funeral's over.
Oh, darling, I died a thousand deaths with that man and none of you ever came to those funerals.
And besides, I can't stand the ass-kissing.
God, this town's so full of parasites.
But I'll be closin' the bank on that shit, tout de suite.
Where are Deloris and the kids? Getting ice cream downtown, girding their loins for, you know, some superficial party, what we used to call "Saturday.
" Oh, how I miss those soirées we used to throw here.
I am stunned by how much younger you look every year.
Is there anything left in the trust fund or is it all just in this sort of vicinity? First of all, beauty has no price.
And to answer your question, you greedy little prick, there's plenty.
I'll be upstairs resting until this charade's over.
Are you skipping the wake too? Yeah? Why show up at all? I'd like to spend a little time with my grandchildren.
James! God knows it's been a while.
Wait, you're staying? Is that a problem? Mother, why are you really here? Why do you think, darling? I want the house.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
[MARGARET.]
Oh, Henry, stop Viv! - You remember Sandra.
- From yesterday? - [DELORIS.]
Yeah.
- Sure.
O-M-G, I love what you're wearing.
[GIGGLES.]
Maddy! Maddy, honey! Come.
Maddy, why don't you take Vivian to meet your friends? They're just a fantastic group, really.
Jesus Christ, Mother, it's Madison.
[WOMAN.]
Yes.
Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm gonna find some booze.
Geoff! Hey, Geoff! Come here.
Come on.
This is my son, Geoff.
Meet, uh - Bill Mishra.
- Yeah.
Future mayor, Bill Mishra.
Am I right? - That's the plan.
- It's nice to meet you, sir.
My son, Phillip.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Swell party, yeah? The salmon mousse is almost edible.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
- [WOMAN.]
Hi! Yeah, I'm so I'm sorry about [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Awkward.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, stranger.
- Holy shit! - [LAUGHS.]
Look who it is! Oh! How long has it been? Uh - 15? 20 years? - Mm, it's been a while.
[SIGHS.]
I I should've called more.
Or just, at all.
- I'm sorry.
- It's life, right? I'm over it.
I just wanted to say hey and offer you my sympathies.
I mean, you not only lost a father-in-law, - but also - [LAUGHS.]
You hated him, didn't you? - Despised the man.
- Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, no! Ah, you married into the family.
Well, it got me out of this fuckin' town.
Hey, I chose to stay.
Made some new friends, which I'm sure you did too, travelin' all over like a fancy-ass bitch.
Oh, yeah, the insurance crowd.
- Phew! - [CHUCKLES.]
Zero glamour.
Trust me.
What about you? Well, uh, as it happens I got your dad's old job.
Wow.
He'd be really proud.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Thank you.
- Same office? - Same chair.
It's Barington-on-Hudson, honey.
Nothin' ever changes.
I'm sure you're noticing that.
Actually, we stopped at Hudson Auto - to get gas on the way in yesterday.
- Mm? Basil's dad practically told me to get the fuck off his property.
Yeah, don't take it personally.
His dad never really recovered after Baz went away.
What do you mean? - [WOMAN.]
I'm so sorry.
- You don't know.
- [FRED.]
My bad.
- [WOMAN.]
No, don't - Come here.
- [WOMAN.]
I'll clean it up.
Do you remember that fire at Killigan's Pharmacy? Turns out it was Baz.
Did seven years upstate.
B and E, arson Seeing any of his old friends kinda sets the old man off.
[FRED.]
I'll drink to that.
Get a waiter? Now you and Fred Allen That I did not see coming.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
[DELORIS.]
Yeah, he he grows on you.
Looks like he's havin' fun.
Uh Yeah, so I'm You go.
It's great to have your family in the area.
Maybe we all can get to do some things together.
- Hi, hi.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Bill Mishra.
- Nice to meet you.
- My wife.
- It's nice to - I'm gonna steal him away.
- See you later.
- Chat with you later.
- I'm in trouble, aren't I? [BIRDSONG.]
- Okay, okay.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Whew! - Whoo! [SIGHS.]
Hey, was that Gina Fernandez back there? Sheriff Gina Fernandez now.
Shit! She looks good.
Okay, easy, tiger.
- Oh! - [SIGHS.]
Only my family could be the founders of a place so entirely full of ass-kissing fucktards.
I mean, I'm serious, man, all they want is his money.
I don't mind it, actually.
- It was nice to see Gina.
- Come on, Dee.
This was like a living hell for you.
You are drunk at your father's wake.
I realize being back here stirs up a lot of emotion for you, - but avoiding them - No, no Don't psychoanalyze me.
Don't psychoanalyze me.
I'm not in the mood.
Oh, right, because you have a "special mood" for introspection.
My father was a self-absorbed asshole.
What do you want? Tears? What I want from you is an actual conversation, Fred.
Something that you've been avoiding for a long time.
Though I would I would settle for you not being plastered in front of our kids.
Oh, wow! Dad is loaded.
Yeah, we're having a private conversation, honey.
But "loaded" is the right word.
Oh, my How are you, pumpkin? I'm I'm good.
How are you? - Oh, God.
- Okay.
- [GIGGLES.]
- Oh! Okay.
Hi, Dad.
So, um the caterers are freaking out because, apparently, we're out of Prosecco and wine.
- Hm! - Also, the snack-per-snob ratio is dangerously low.
Well, tell 'em Here.
Tell 'em we'll go pick up supplies.
Uh, first of all, isn't that their job? Secondly, should you be driving? Ye And your dad needs some air.
Your mom will drive.
I will supervise.
Okay.
Don't be long.
People are starting to sober up.
- [SIGHS.]
- Except Dad.
Sorry I'm a dick.
You know what? Screw the rental.
[ENGINE REVS.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Kiss my ass, Barington! Let it go, keep it comin' Oh Oh! - Ooh - Oh, my God! Oh, look at that.
- That brings back memories.
- Aww! - I miss that old thing.
- Aah! Aww! Bring her on over.
Whereas I missed this - Hey! - [CHUCKLES.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, God.
I'm goin' home I'm goin' home [DELORIS.]
So, do you think they have any idea? [FRED.]
No! They have no idea.
- Mm.
- I mean, if those fuckers knew what my dad really did What our real business was Oy, oy they wouldn't be askin' for money.
No, they'd run screaming.
[CHUCKLES.]
"Aah! Monsters! God, no, help me!" [COUGHS.]
Oh! Damn.
Do you know, if [COUGHS.]
if my mom wants it, she can have it.
- What? - The house.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's just one huge-ass freakin' lie.
I swear to God, man, I can't wait to get the hell outta Dodge.
What? You think we're any different? Everything we do, our work, our past - It's all a lie.
- No, it's not the same.
Bullshit, Fred.
Our kids don't even know who we are.
- They don't know who they are.
- Yeah, and they never will.
- Oh, because it's too dangerous? - Damn right.
Now, what if it's too dangerous not to tell them? Like, if the world we know comes knocking, they are not prepared, Fred, - and they are not little kids anymore.
- Well, sweetie, then we protect them.
- You know what I mean.
- I know what you're doing is ruining a fine buzz off this very fine weed.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- We are not done talking about this.
- Come on.
- We are not done talking about this.
- [OLD MAN VOICE.]
My daddy just died.
- [LAUGHS.]
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
- That was so lame.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
- What? - I smoke? Do you remember the last time we were in this car - and we got high? - Oh, God! - That was good.
- Stay on mission, Agent Allen.
- Oh, Jesus.
- I'm goin' home [LAUGHS.]
I'm goin' home - Okay, it's going - Six dollars, all right.
- Okay.
Oh - Let's get some of this.
- Do me a favor, go get liquor.
- Oh, ah - Oh! - Oh, I'm gettin' these.
My faves.
Shit! - I smell sulfur and copper in the air.
- Yeah, I smell it, too.
And we have no decent weapons and no proper scanners.
Well, then we gotta go old-school.
[BLEEPING.]
- [HIGH-PITCHED BLEEP.]
- Got 'em.
There's two of them.
Oh, and they've picked a target.
Oh, this just got better.
Should've stayed in the car.
That weed was good.
Why do you get that and I get this? Because you're drunk, babe.
Selfish.
I used to be an ad man, you know.
Yeah.
Like Full corporate for 15 years.
I made EVP.
I was getting year-end bonuses, the works.
You know that, uh spot for, uh J-Money's Pink Lemonade? When your thirst takes a hit! - J-Money's gonna get you - Money - Yeah! I know that.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Yeah.
- Hm? - Ah - Yeah, I mean It's not so good I admit it.
But the year-end bonus from that? Now, that was lit! Yeah.
What does "lit" even mean? So, let me guess, good money, hours suck? Ah, burnt out, man.
- Yeah? - And then the next 20 years - was, like, pfft - More of the same? Yeah.
So I was just, "Fuck it".
I traded in my stock options, got a bitchin' Airstream.
- Hit the road with the missus.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Huh? Besides, they don't make 'em like they used to.
You know, real classics? - Five, five, five, 22, 22! - 22 Pizza Gino brings it hot to you! Bom, bom - We're open late - Ooh-ooh-way-eeh [BOTH LAUGH.]
Yeah! Pizza Gino! Love it! - Yeah! - Yeah, the classics you remember.
Oh, my Lord, yeah.
[SIGHS.]
It's all shallower now.
There's no pride.
There's no joy.
- And social media - Oh, my God.
Don't get me started.
- Mm, mm, mm, mm - [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
You don't have to do this, you know.
Me and the wife, we could just hit the road.
We were never here.
We don't really do "catch and release", for obvious reasons.
What reasons, though? - Well - 'Cause we're dangerous? - We're predators? - Mm.
Did you know we are vegetarians? Our kind, we don't eat meat because killing and eating helpless animals is disgusting.
You are not helpless.
We're endangered and we're being hunted until our ecological purpose is meaningless.
Hey, buddy, I know what your purpose is.
That's why I got a job.
What I'm trying to say is you don't have to be like the rest of Presidio.
You seem like a decent guy.
So let my wife and I walk out of here.
We go back to our lives, you go back to yours No harm, no foul.
What about him? What about that guy? Hangin' like a piece of beef.
He is both harm and pretty foul.
He had heart disease and untreated diabetes.
- We did him a favor - Can't let you go.
- Yeah, you can.
- No, I can't.
Yes, you can.
Mm-mm.
[SIGHS.]
Jesus, man, it's Saturday.
[SCREECHING.]
I promise that you will never, ever, see me or my wife ever again.
[SIGHS.]
Nice conversation? That's the J-Money Pink Lemonade guy, right there.
[GROWLING.]
- Oh.
- [FIRES.]
[VIV.]
Please let this nightmare end.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, but the nightmare's just beginning.
- Grandpa's will? - Mm-hm.
- You're shameless.
- Curious.
Plus, Dad shouldn't be leaving important documents where it's so easy to find.
Which for me is, like, anywhere.
And? The only thing clearly stipulated here is that Sandy St.
Claire can't read a legal document to save her Chardonnay-soaked life.
Grandma should be on the warpath.
Make this town forage elsewhere for money.
Well, the free ride's definitely over.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Not that we get anything out of it.
But we're family.
[SCOFFS.]
Are we? Look around, Viv.
Do you see any evidence of us as part of the Allen legacy? This place is white privilege HQ.
Turns out we're not invited.
My mom says the old dude hid, like, millions of dollars somewhere in this house and that he was super-cray paranoid about it.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
[IN JAPANESE.]
The funeral guy.
Still? You're so thirsty it's borderline pathetic.
Madison! Hey, girl! Listen, um I could get into a lot of trouble for saying this, but we heard that rumor too.
In fact, we were gonna try to talk to our grandfather via a real-life séance.
Séances freak me out.
- We should totally do one.
- Right? And you know who's the shit at contacting the dead? This girl.
What? Actually I Really? 'Cause I'm so not into any bullshit right now.
No! I mean, I know what a séance is, but Viv, stop being so modest, okay? Her and the old man were like this.
Hive mind.
So, unless you guys are digging this whole festival of parents I'm down.
- Let's do it.
- Awesome.
Well, I will join you as soon as I get us some cocktails.
Love it.
You're so nice! You are! What are you doing? [IN JAPANESE.]
You need to practice with people.
I will murder you for this.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right, expert.
Lead the way.
- Whew.
- [SIGHS.]
I'm not sure what those two were doing out here, but an S and D team should sweep the area.
I'll call it in.
- That was not my best work.
- Ah.
You think the local law will buy it? Yeah, you sliced open the guy's carotid artery to hide the bite marks, took off an earlobe, carved a pentagram into his ass If the cops don't think "serial killer," I'm, you know, opening up some Texas-themed salad bar.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Thanks, honey.
That dress was new.
By the way, I had him.
- You didn't have him, Fred.
He had you.
- Yeah.
- Better than being back at the house.
- Wow! Can we end the pity party, please? 72 hours and we're back in Osaka.
Oslo.
Edith had us transferred again.
- You are fucking kidding me.
- Nope.
We just got the kids into good schools.
Do you know how hard it is to get into a good school in Japan? - I know.
- It's impossible! But we did it! - And now, fu fucking Oslo? - Yeah.
Some Norwegian monsters need killing.
No, we're not going.
What? - [GASPS.]
- Presidio gives us a mission, we take it.
That's the way it works, Deloris.
You know damn well why we can't go to Oslo.
Because it just happened again.
You are off your game, and you know it.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
It's not just you, it's both of us.
25 years nonstop.
We are burned out.
And now with Samuel gone, I can tell you've you've lost your taste for it.
My dad is not the reason I joined Presidio I know.
It was Seth.
But you wanted Samuel to care.
And now you're positive both of them are sitting up there judging your ass.
- I don't need that in a partner.
- I'll get my swing back.
No, it's not just about your swing.
It's about the kids.
It's about us.
So, what do you want from me? Time, Fred.
To tell Geoff and Viv the truth about Presidio, about what's out there Ju Uh, everything.
[STARTS ENGINE.]
It's usually better to do this at night.
[MADISON.]
Well, no pussying out on us now.
Or would you rather sneak off and speak Chinese with your brother? Phones away or his spirit won't come.
Grandpa Samuel we gather here in the hope for a sign of your presence.
Please feel welcome to enter our circle when you're ready.
[UNDOES ZIPPER.]
Hey! What the fuck? Spirits of my blood show a sign if you can hear.
[ALL GASPING.]
- [GIRL.]
Guys? - Oh What the fuck? [GASPS.]
What the hell is her problem? [GASPS.]
[SOBBING.]
[BOY.]
Oh, my God - [GASPING.]
- [GIRL.]
Stop it! Just make it stop! - [GIRL 2.]
Let's get out of here.
- Let's go.
- Get the fuck off me.
- Jesus! Fucking freak! - Jesus Christ! - Let's get out of here.
- [BOY.]
Crazy! - [GIRL.]
What I don't know!