Once Upon a Time... Happily Never After (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

[narrator] Once upon a time
in a not-so-distant land,
there was an innocent young man
named Diego.
And in his search for love,
he risked the fate of an entire town.
Soledad, the princess
and future heiress to the throne,
had fallen deeply in love with him,
even though he was just a poor fisherman.
[groans, heavy breathing]
We don't have much time.
Did you bring condoms?
No, I didn't think
we were going to have sex.
But I told you I'd make you see stars.
Holy cow!
So that's what you meant.
What's wrong?
Won't the future king expect you to be
- A virgin?
- Yes.
Virginity is a social construct, Diego.
- We're not in the Middle Ages.
- Actually, we are.
Everyone knows that love
isn't the monarchy's priority.
I'm part of the monarchy,
and love's a priority for me.
It's extra large. Is that okay?
Yeah. Sure, of course.
Yes.
You could be the next king.
[giggles]
No way. I'm a poor fisherman.
And I only have eyes for you.
[narrator] That's how our story began.
The joy of Diego, the poor fisherman,
would become the misery
of everyone in town.
Fátima, tyrannical queen
She's cruel and really mean ♪
She is beyond compare ♪
They found us.
That condom's
way too big for you, kid.
[horse neighs]
Distract them.
She's so strong and vengeful ♪
She is beyond compare
There is no one more powerful ♪
Stand aside.
How dare you?
Honey, please don't embarrass me
in front of the boys.
[guards shout]
Her Majesty Queen Fátima!
[suspenseful music plays]
[sniffs]
[Queen Fátima] Where is he?
[Soledad] Who?
I can still smell the stench of fish.
[sniffs]
[Queen Fátima] Where is he?
You're scaring the unicorn.
When will you understand?
That boy is beneath you.
- What will your
- My mother?
She knows everything. She knows
my love doesn't follow stupid rules.
[guards] Her Majesty the Mexican Queen!
Darling.
Listen to your mother, darling.
I'm listening to you.
Your other mother.
We're at war, Soledad.
We can't afford to have rumors
about whether the heiress
is screwing a fisherman.
The common folk could use such weakness
to rise up in arms against the monarchy.
They're not rumors.
I am, in fact, screwing him.
[gasps]
Never say that again.
[Soledad] I'm actually in love with him.
My heart swells when he looks at me,
and his touch makes me feel alive.
Damn, that's so sweet.
Diego's the one, and I'll be with him,
even if I have to jump from a tower
and lie shattered on the ground.
Soledad, please don't be so melodramatic.
Anselmo.
Your Majesty.
Go after him.
Head to the lake and wait there.
We'll seize him at dawn.
[guards] Onward!
[guards] We're off to make him headless
The boyfriend of the princess ♪
That poor fisherman! ♪
He will die penniless ♪
[thunder claps]
[narrator] That night, they decided
to seek help for Diego,
never imagining
that the worst was yet to come.
No.
- He can't stay here.
- It's the only safe place for him.
There's another way.
I'll go to war.
[woman laughs]
[Diego] I'm serious.
You?
- You're as fragile as a flower.
- [Anselmo] War is for men.
Going to war is my only chance
to earn the queens' trust.
They think I'm not worthy
of their daughter.
No one knows how long the war will last.
If you go, you'll likely die.
I must take the risk
if I want a life with her.
Tell me,
what do you fear?
That the queens will use my absence
to convince Soledad to marry someone else.
I fear that
over time, her heart will get confused
and she'll fall in love with someone else,
despite knowing
that I'm the love of her life.
Very moving, Fragileboy.
Very moving.
[groans]
[poignant music plays]
There's a solution.
This is the spell of the blue dragon.
But like with every spell
there are dangers. [chuckles]
You'll give it to the princess
for her to look after.
As long as the blue dragon lives,
she won't fall for anyone else.
How does that sound?
Okay, but
What if something happens to the dragon?
- Or if something happens to me?
- Well
In that case,
neither she nor anyone in this town
will ever be able to fall in love.
[whisper] Ever
No. Wait a second. That's not fair.
Careful, Fragileboy.
Love isn't always fair, you know?
[woman chuckles]
Look.
[suspenseful music plays]
This amulet will protect you.
No one will be able
to kill you in the war.
Once you reunite with the princess,
you must both go to the lake
and release the blue dragon
before the pink moon sets.
That's it.
The spell will be broken.
I'm sorry, but this all seems
so complicated, so I don't know.
Well then, do what you want.
That's impossible.
- Whenever I hear her voice
- Yes, you're so in love.
Don't go taking off the amulet
at any time, Fragileboy.
As long as you wear it,
you will be blessed with light.
But for anyone else,
it will bring only darkness.
[narrator] Diego accepted the deal,
and the spell fell upon the town,
rendering all its inhabitants
unable to love again.
WANTED
I'll care for it with all my heart,
but I'd rather you didn't leave.
Don't worry. Everything will be all right.
[female voice] Sole!
He has to go now.
I'll be back.
If you don't come back ♪
Every single ocean will run dry ♪
And I will wait alone ♪
Lost in the depths of a fading memory ♪
If you don't come back ♪
My will shall become weakened ♪
And I will stay at home ♪
With my dragon watching the horizon ♪
[electronic music plays]
[narrator] In order to break the spell,
three conditions had to be met.
The lovers must be reunited
in this or another life,
they must release the dragon
into the lake together,
and it must be during a pink moon,
which occurs every seven years.
Many years have passed,
and many mistakes
have been made in this tale.
While the fisherman's face
has kept its resemblance to Diego,
the princess's face
has been interpreted incorrectly,
making the search for her
more complicated.
And all because he never came back.
"Or at least not until now."
"Hundreds of years passed,
and countless stories of heartbreak
played out."
"Yet every pink moon,
the town still holds out hope
that the two lovers
will one day meet again."
"And so we live unhappily
ever after."
The end.
I thought it was a kids' tale.
- Let's see the dragon.
- Yes.
Isn't that the fisherman's rifle?
Yes. Fragileboy had a weapon,
and it still works.
- [tourist] Can we see the dragon or not?
- Yes, let's go.
I have a question. Is it true
that the princess's appearance is wrong?
- That's not true. Mamen, the dragon.
- Sure.
How long do dragons live?
Around 600 years, give or take.
Really? Then it must be on its last legs.
- Let's see it. That's why we're here.
- Yes.
Actually, you might be
the last people to see it.
Remember, no flash photos.
Yeah, it gets spooked.
Ladies and gentlemen,
La Soledad Hotel
presents to the world the blue dragon.
[horn blows]
- Where is it?
- There's nothing there.
[knocks on glass]
It must be taking a nap.
[Mamen] Candela.
What?
It's not taking a nap. Look.
It's dying.
And the cash register is empty.
What do we do?
- Try to sell something. Come on.
- Okay.
While the dragon wakes up,
I'll show you Froilán's dagger.
We also have dragons
you can take home with you, T-shirts
Enamora.
- [moaning]
- [sirens wailing]
[tires screech]
Wait.
Wait. Let's take a break.
- Did you come yet?
- No.
When I do, you'll know about it, honey.
- Don't forget you only have one hour.
- No.
I told Candela until I came.
- Candela didn't
- [woman 1] What happened?
What happened to her? What
Oh, Enamora!
- Did she kill herself?
- No, ma'am. She's alive.
What a relief.
Oh, God!
- Who's the suicide attempt?
- [dog barks]
Enamora, the singer
who lives in the hotel.
[dog barks]
Simona, you're stinking up the place
with that fish stench.
- What are you doing here?
- Nothing. I had an issue with
Mind your own business!
- I need clean sheets.
- Oh yeah? Change them yourself. Go on.
- Did she kill herself?
- No.
Another failed attempt.
- I can't believe it!
- [door bangs]
Things were bad enough.
I'm trying to help out
by bringing in some money.
I thought you were looking
for the princess.
This gives the hotel a bad reputation.
[woman 1] Maxi, get back here
or I won't pay! I didn't come yet.
[Maxi] I'm sorry. You will, just you wait.
[woman 1] I'd better.
Only half. You did the boat trip
and heard the tale.
It's a rip-off
without a photo of the dragon.
- Here. This is yours.
- No, it's okay.
- I'll come back tomorrow.
- You can't go on the boat again.
- But you'll do the tour?
- Yes.
- What's going on?
- Nothing. Look.
Careful. Take it slow.
[pulsating music plays]
[paramedic 1] We're losing her.
Watch it. She'll crash into the door.
[screams]
Today is the day. I had a vision.
Virgin of Guadalupe, grant this miracle.
Let the spell be broken.
- [paramedic 2] Can we go?
- Thank you. Go ahead.
Don't worry.
No photos, please. No photos.
Thank you very much. Thank you for coming.
See you again soon. Thank you.
Yes, you can go now.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- Let's go.
- [sirens wail]
AMBULANCE
[woman 1] Where are you going?
- [Maxi] Mom!
- I warned you!
- No orgasm, no money!
- What's she talking about?
- Assholes.
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
- Ignore her, Mother.
- She heard about the suicide and
- She lost it.
Mamen, I saw Simona.
- Did she pay for her room?
- Her boat flooded.
What with Simona's stench
and Enamora's suicide attempts,
- tourism is going to hell.
- Yep.
[man] Enamora, the singer?
She's staying here?
Can you please leave?
The tour's canceled. Thank you.
Enamora and the dragon
are a blessing for the town.
The dragon is dying.
- It's dying?
- Yes.
What do we do?
If it dies, we'll have to get a fake one.
We can't stop this gravy train. Okay?
The tale of the timeless lovers
is what keeps this place afloat.
- How will we make a living?
- This is a dire situation.
But Enamora is a distinguished guest.
And poor Simona needed our help.
We might not be able to fall in love,
but we don't have to be heartless.
You're right, Mother.
The people united will never be defeated.
What if this weekend,
during the pink moon,
we get our miracle
and the lovers are reunited?
Did you talk to Enamora?
Does she still think
Maxi is the reincarnated lover?
I am.
I signed autographs earlier
and posed for photos. They love me.
- Oh, my boy.
- Nonsense.
She said she had a vision.
- What?
- A vision?
She said you should keep an eye out.
Soledad will arrive today.
- Soledad?
- [man 1] Good afternoon.
[woman 2] Hello.
Hi there.
My goodness.
Hello.
Hi.
[suspenseful music plays]
- Name?
- Antonio Gamero.
Antonio Gamero.
- [crack]
- Excuse me.
According to the legend,
no one in this town can ever fall in love
until she's returned to the lake.
Until who's returned?
The blue dragon, of course.
The lovers must release it together
before the end of the pink moon.
Pink moon?
It's an incredible phenomenon
that occurs every seven years.
And it just so happens it's this Sunday.
That's why the dragon festival
is so important this year.
The whole town's hoping
they'll be able to love again.
- Antonio!
- What?
Come. Come here.
[suspenseful music plays]
- It's gone.
- What?
Nothing. Never mind.
Look. You look just like the princess.
- You're right.
- It's uncanny.
- Yeah.
- Spitting image.
Can we get a room, please?
She's in the tale, too,
and it's yours for just 15 euros.
- Ma'am, please.
- Yes, of course.
Antonio
Gamero.
- Mrs. Gamero, your name?
- It's Juana. And I'm not Mrs. Gamero.
- You're not?
- We're not in the Middle Ages.
So you're not Mrs. Gamero.
Gamero's wife, then?
I'm nobody's wife.
Can you just check us in
under my name, please?
Separate beds
so that the princess feels more liberated?
No, a double bed.
Oh, I see.
[bells rings]
[ringtone]
Edurne? Yes, sweetheart.
Sorry I didn't call earlier.
I just arrived.
The town is unremarkable,
but the hotel is quite charming.
The food? No, I haven't tried it yet.
My coworkers and I
are about to grab a bite downstairs.
[bangs fist]
One moment.
Juana, I'll be quick.
I'm tired, Antonio.
You said it'd be like when we were dating.
It's just a phone call.
You can't have everything.
- I don't want everything. I just
- One moment. Just a second, that's all.
And how's our boy?
[horn beeps]
[tires screech]
[over PA] Welcome, ladies and gentlemen!
It's only two days until
Thank you very much.
The tip isn't included.
Good job, Maxi! That's the spirit!
Making the most of the season!
I guess there are advantages
to looking like Diego, huh?
- What's your name?
- Alejandro.
Great. Let's do this.
Right, let's see.
[shutter clicks]
One more. Perfect.
That's enough. Thank you.
Maxi, in your room. Desperate woman.
Is she hot?
[stammers]
Just desperate. You can't have everything.
I thought we wanted win-win deals.
- Maxi, you have to kiss her.
- No.
Why not? Aren't you Diego's reincarnation?
Diego was a romantic.
Exactly. I can't kiss someone
I don't have feelings for.
You have to charge extra, Candela.
No, the price has already been negotiated.
Take her to the concert after.
Enamora's concert?
Yeah, she was discharged two hours ago.
Go on. Do it for the sake of the hotel.
And yours?
[Candela laughs]
Yeah, and for my sake.
And for yours, your mom's, and everyone's.
These are hard times.
Besides,
after this pink moon, we're all doomed.
The boyfriend experience.
What was that again?
Candela!
I recall the song ♪
Feels like just yesterday
In the station, running along ♪
In this life, it can't be
But maybe in our next lives ♪
The train goes so quickly
It takes me to another place ♪
Wishing to come back so badly
Tears running down your face ♪
So much in jeopardy
Your mothers didn't realize ♪
[upbeat music playing]
Now what will I do
Without you for so long? ♪
When our love is nothing more
Than a maybe ♪
Maybe ♪
But we still have
The memories and the tears ♪
- Which floor?
- I don't know!
Desperate client.
- I'm in luck.
- What are you doing?
Sorry, Candela told me
- I have to go.
- We have to kiss.
I don't want trouble with Candela.
The boyfriend experience is fine by me.
Get me out of here.
It wasn't forever ♪
Once upon a time ♪
Once upon a time ♪
Once upon a time happily never after ♪
[Antonio] Juana, you're back.
I'm sorry, my love.
I know this is hard.
And I've said this before.
But this time, I mean it. I'm leaving her.
I want to be with you, Juana.
I swear, I'm leaving her.
This time, I will.
It's true this time.
I'm leaving her. I'm
Apologies, sir.
I came to bring you this.
And to see if you needed anything.
- Do you need anything?
- No, I'm fine. Thanks.
Well, you say "fine,"
but you don't really seem fine.
I mean, I overheard you.
You can leave now, please.
Certainly, sir. Say no more. Of course.
Listen
Is she the love of your life?
Absolutely.
Are you scared of losing her?
More than anything else.
Then you're in the wrong place.
Why?
Well, couples break up in this town.
We're cursed.
We can't fall in love.
Well, we can love, sure.
For example, I love my daughter, Goya.
I cheated on her.
I cheated on the love of my life.
A crazy night.
I got another woman pregnant.
Want a toke?
Yeah, just a little one.
Thank you. Very kind of you.
Thank you.
One single night
versus a years-long relationship.
One night?
You're very fertile!
Life's unfair, you know?
I'd give anything to turn back time
and stop all of this from happening, but
now
that other woman is my wife.
And she
She's the other woman.
But not for much longer.
- You're leaving your wife.
- Correct.
You're good-looking,
sure.
You have a history together, sure.
But she's going to leave you.
This joint is having a bad effect on you.
Anyway, you should probably
ignore what I just said.
In this hotel, we have too few guests
and too many stories.
But yours will be
another story of heartbreak.
I mean, she looks just like the princess.
Okay, that's enough.
Juana is not a princess,
and you're not right in the head.
Please leave.
Of course, sir. My pleasure.
But if you want my advice,
you should start packing.
She's going to leave you.
[thunder claps]
- Who was he?
- It's a long story.
Don't worry, my services are confidential.
[indistinct shouts]
- You look just like
- You chose wrong.
I don't choose anything.
That's Candela's job.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
I'm an atheist.
Candela said you wanted
the boyfriend experience.
- This is what boyfriends do.
- I should go back.
- I thought you wanted everything.
- [bangs]
- [screams]
- Enamora?
Enamora!
Yeah, that's why we're here.
Maybe this is only artificial ♪
[Juana] It's her!
The legend lives, even though
she tried to kill herself earlier.
What? Why?
- She's tormented by something.
- Right.
We're all tormented somehow.
We just have to trust
that everything will be okay in the end.
And if it's not okay, it's not the end.
But I don't want
To avoid it like before ♪
And it makes me soar ♪
Like an eagle
That's flying totally free ♪
Far ahead of the storm
Over the valley ♪
Like the wind
When it blows through the city ♪
On a set course
Not looking back or going askew ♪
There's something about you ♪
And it makes me soar ♪
Maybe this will only last ♪
A bit longer ♪
They say that what goes up ♪
Must come back down to the floor ♪
Like the sun among the clouds ♪
Sinking towards the horizon ♪
Knowing that tomorrow
It will rise again ♪
And it makes me soar ♪
Like an eagle
That's flying totally free ♪
Far ahead of the storm
Over the valley ♪
- [thunder rattles]
- [snoring]
- [wind howls]
- [thunder rumbles]
Hey! Who's there?
[switch flicks]
Step away from the dragon!
- Goya!
- Maxi!
- Juana!
- Antonio!
- [thunder claps]
- [gasps]
[squeaks]
[microphone buzzes]
[screams]
Subtitle translation by: Katie L Ward