Party Tricks (2014) s01e01 Episode Script
The Announcement
Can we just cut down on the glare a bit? Yeah, yeah.
Test, test.
One, two.
Test, test.
One, two.
One, two.
It's a sweltering election eve here in Victoria.
Three, four.
Cara, am I sweating a bit? Are we on before or after the weather? Is she there yet? Pete, go again.
They said she's here.
We're calling again.
Hi.
I'm so sorry.
We couldn't figure out a way to get up here.
Kate Ballard.
David McLeod.
20 seconds.
Where would be a good place to position these? Uh, look, the frame's just the cityscape and us, so I'm not sure if they're gonna work.
Just hold still.
A little bit sweaty there.
Uh, well, your producer did confirm with us that we could position these prominently, so 10 seconds.
Look, with, uh, this background and your face, quite frankly it's a much better sell.
Here we go.
Careful of squinting.
Let's cross now to our man braving the heat, David McLeod.
That's right, Angie.
It's a sweltering election eve here in Victoria.
If you think you're suffering from election fatigue, spare a thought for this woman, Kate Ballard.
It's her first election running for the seat of Richmond.
Kate, tell us, how are the exhaustion levels? Oh, well, David, I can't say I've had much sleep over the last month.
But I have had the privilege of visiting hundreds of local homes, a really remarkable experience.
Just a rough estimate, Kate - how many babies have you kissed this month? Um, I can't say I've kissed a lot of babies.
But it is it is .
.
it's so it's so heartening to see people genuinely responding to Rob Hutchens.
Very powerful message.
The Victorians that I speak to are just so passionate about world-class healthcare, innovative schools, uh, modern infrastructure Take it away.
They're tired of seeing the state go backwards with the current government.
And in Rob Hutchens they're seeing a compassionate, strong leader with real vision for Victoria.
Would you just like to throw back to Ange in the studio? Sorry? There you have it, Ange.
Happy voting.
And if things don't work out tomorrow, rest assured Ms Ballard is available for prime time hosting.
Back to you.
Thank you, David.
Or should I say, thank you, Ms Ballard.
Hang on.
Not clear.
Very informative.
We'll be back after the break with all the weekend weather.
And we're clear.
What just happened here? You were looking down the barrel.
Sorry? Well, it's kind of like I'm the interviewer.
Normally you'd just look at me.
Well, never at any point did you say that.
I just assumed you'd be across it.
Were you gesturing behind me? No.
No, I was listening.
Attentively.
OK.
I may have hammed it up a little bit, but it was live TV.
You know what it's like.
Actually, that was my first experience of it, so no.
Ooh.
Well, I want to speak to Carrie about this, because she really should be across this stuff.
Well, we should go through everyone else she's got booked in, because I don't want to be another joke to some inane, drunk prick.
I'm not drunk.
I mean, inane? Fine.
Prick? Well, you know, it's a matter of opinion, but I can assure you I am sober.
I'll call you back, John.
Look, if it's any consolation, I thought you'd come up really well.
You made me a sight gag.
No.
You were just a bit nervous.
Maybe a touch earnest, but attractive.
Not so bad, is it? It's pretty much the combo Princess Diana had.
Princess Diana wasn't a politician.
No.
But if she was, she would've won.
Landslide.
Goodbye.
Sorry.
What was your name again? David.
McLeod.
Right.
If you ever need any tips or media training I'll keep that in mind.
Can you flag his name and make sure we never do another interview with him again? He's actually really popular.
Really? With who? Everyone.
Not like she's a serious contender anyway.
Premier Kate Ballard today announced a $1.
8 billion boost in health funding.
In the School participation is not a platform from which we launch ourselves across And another fiery day in Parliament, as the government again struggled to pass its education reform bill.
Kate Ballard vigorously defended the reform, calling it the only sensible option.
And it's on this basis that I fully support this bill.
Premier Kate Ballard with her husband Geoff Ballard greeting guests at the opening of the Living Melbourne exhibition at the Museum of Victoria.
The Premier wore a blue satin jacket, her husband donning a Hugo Boss suit.
In her It's coming.
15 minutes.
Promise.
I'm not ringing about the speech, although the arts ministry are going mental about it.
Yeah.
Half an hour at the most.
I've called a crisis meeting.
No doubt she'll want you here, so you'd better get in here pronto.
Crisis meeting? Did you manage to hear breakfast radio this morning? Not all of it.
Well, Neil Thorby went on a lovely little attack.
Called Kate "childless and out of touch, "with no right to spend your money.
" Really?! Is that actually what he said, or is that what he said plus a little bit of Wayne hysteria? Word-for-fucking-word.
Well, I'm not really seeing anything online.
Morning drive.
Shaun says it's on morning drive right now.
Hang on.
Thorby is again under fire I think you'll agree with me that Kate doesn't have an image problem.
She's got an image emergency.
Yeah.
Shh, shh, shh.
I got it.
.
.
overhaul, the embattled opposition leader labelled Kate Ballard childless and out of touch.
This is a woman with a rich construction magnate for a husband, and no children, spending billions of taxpayer dollars.
Now, does she know what it's like to struggle with school fees or supermarket bills, household Yeah, alright.
I'm coming in.
The Premier has yet to respond.
Just if it was an inch longer, you know, she wouldn't look so severe.
Yeah, the shape makes her face look pointy.
Mmm.
Good figure, though.
Yeah.
No kids.
Mmm.
Hey.
I didn't think you'd be up.
Yeah.
I kinda wish I wasn't.
Did you actually come to bed last night? Yeah, but then I woke up at three and decided to rewrite the launch speech, and then I don't know what happened.
Hey, are you guys across this whole attack from Thorby, the childless thing? Yeah.
We're already doing a report, an opinion piece, two cartoons, and a photo gallery.
Please tell me the vibe on it is 'Thorby's a dick'.
Mostly.
I mean, Twitter's gone all feminist ragey, but some shock jocks are saying it's a legitimate point.
And there is an online poll, "Which Disney villainess does Kate Ballard most resemble?" You guys gonna respond? Well, Wayne's called a crisis meeting, so probably.
Look, I'm just about to head in, so Is it worth me getting stuff for dinner tonight, or is that just a ridiculous notion? Yeah, probably ridiculous, but get stuff anyway.
Say nothing, Kate, to Thorby, you're endorsing his Arts education speech? Half an hour after this.
How long's this going to take? I'm more than happy to respond, Wayne.
But my response is not going to be some tacky personal interest story, curled up with my husband, talking about how relatable we are.
I mean, if I saw something like that Yeah, but we're not talking about you.
We're talking about the general public, who are starting to think that you're a bit of an amphibian.
An amphibian? I mean, cold-blooded.
What's the word for cold-blooded creatures? I think it's reptiles.
Oh, good.
Well, at least I'm a vertebrate.
Oliver.
Do you have any legitimate suggestions you'd like to share? Well, my initial thought was that we respond with a Woman's Day couple spread.
You and Geoff in matching knitted jumpers.
And kittens? Should we have kittens? Yeah, and maybe you could record a duet.
A cover of Two Strong Hearts.
Oh, hilarious.
Very funny, both of you.
Sorry, do we have the actual interview? I only heard a grab.
Just the once through this time, thanks, Wayne.
This is a woman with a rich construction magnate for a husband, and no children, spending billions of taxpayer dollars.
Now, does she know what it's like to struggle with school fees or supermarket bills? Household expenses? So, are you saying that because she's a woman with no children No, what I'm saying is it's easy to be casual about debt in her position.
Hardworking people with families know every dollar counts.
Well, it seems I'd just go idealistic with it.
I'd just say, "I believe a good leader could come from any background.
"They could be married or unmarried.
"They could have a dozen children or none at all.
"The only requirements" Are a clear vision, and the courage and tenacity to turn that vision into a reality.
And maybe the best time to respond would be tonight at the arts education thing.
Maybe with Geoff by your side possibly, when you say it.
Ann-Marie? Yep? Could you please talk to Geoff and see if he's available to be with me at the launch tonight? Sure.
Alright.
Thanks, gentlemen.
I've got to head to cabinet.
Ollie, arts education speech? Yes.
Done.
Virtually.
Almost.
Be waiting for you after cabinet.
What? I totally delivered just then.
You semi-delivered.
I got you an idealistic speech with her husband by her side all warm and cosy.
What more do you want? I can think of a few things.
Hmm.
Hmm.
What? Oh, it's Tom.
How is your little boyfriend in the press gallery? Can you not refer to him as my little boyfriend? Ah.
What? What? What's he saying? Oh.
Sorry, everyone, to keep you waiting.
Paula, would you mind if we shifted transport forward on the agenda? Have you heard the news? Thorby? The childless thing? No.
He's just announced he's stepping down from the leadership.
Bailey challenge? Dunno.
There's a press conference this afternoon.
You've seen? Ollie just heard a rumour floating around the press gallery, but it's weird.
What? You know David McLeod? The journo? Head of MPEC? Yes.
Yes, I know him.
Well, the rumour is it's him.
That's impossible.
You serious? That's the rumour.
He doesn't have a seat in Parliament.
It can't be.
I know it sounds dodgy, but that's what Ollie heard.
What would you like to do? When's the press conference? Where are you? We're here.
Just to your right.
OK.
What is she wearing? Matilda! How are you? Good, good.
Mwah.
I'm a bit nervous.
Ah, you'll be fine.
So, did you bring the dress with you? Uh, no, actually.
I tried the dress on again last night.
It wasn't working.
I tried, like, three mirrors.
Yeah.
Dad agreed.
The first outfit's just so important, you know? OK.
Well, your dad's just this way.
OK.
So, are you, uh, starting to get, like, kicking and stuff now? I've had kicks for weeks.
I'm getting full somersaults now.
Weird.
So, Matilda, I'm just a little concerned about .
.
well, the heels, for example.
Oh, are they not working? Oh, no.
They're great.
It's just, well, we can't have you towering over your dad.
Oh, nah.
Nah.
I'm still, like, heaps shorter.
Even in the shoes.
Dad.
Dad! Oh, Tilly.
How are you, sweetheart? Good.
Uh, haircut? Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you reckon? Uh, it's alright.
It's a bit Lego man.
Wow.
Mmm.
Thumbs-down from the style police.
See? Still taller.
Let's keep moving.
Dad, now.
Now.
Now's really good.
Ah! Alright.
Hey, don't worry.
I'm not going t post them.
Matilda, would you mind if I just went over a couple of things with your dad? Would you like a water or a juice, or? I'd love a coffee.
OK.
Lucas, would you mind? I went over it again.
That last line is still far too generic.
We need something more personal I dunno, to make it more personal.
Before that, Matilda's outfit.
Yeah? We can't have her up there beside you looking like that.
Looking like what? David, she looks 22.
Yeah.
I hate to tell ya, so do most 16 year olds these days.
She looks like a 22 year old going to a nightclub to pick up.
Sorry.
It's just given how heavily we're going on the good father angle, I think it might play the wrong way.
Alright.
Make some changes.
Just pull back on the make-up or something.
It's more than the make-up.
What's this? Nothing.
Actually, I was just thinking that no, no.
Just Now that I'm actually seeing the space, I'm wondering if the best positioning of you, Matilda, is actually the very front row.
That way you'd have eye-contact with your dad.
We'd get shots of him looking at you.
It'd be very emotional.
You hate the dress.
No.
I don't hate the dress at all.
Dad.
You saw the other dress and you agreed.
It wasn't working.
I took pictures.
Just come with me.
But Dad, if I'm not up on stage, I won't be on TV.
I know.
It won't be the I'm sorry, Matilda.
It's just that every detail today Can you just give us a minute? Thanks.
OK, but we really do only have 15 minutes.
Long macc for Matilda.
It's still the exact same plan, Paula.
We've just divided into different stages.
Which means four more years until we do level crossings.
Look, I know it's not as sexy as the airport link, but that is actually the critical issue.
Uh, Premier.
There's no point in having a spectacular transport plan if we're not actually in government to implement it.
Premier.
Sorry.
The opposition press conference.
Starting any time .
.
now.
Alright.
Can we pick it up tomorrow? Just waiting now for Neil Thorby's official resignation, and for the announcement of the new opposition leader.
It's Tom.
It's Tom.
Hey.
Are you there? Do you know who it is? No, but Duncan Guthrie just walked in.
Who? The Liberal kingmaker, merchant banker dude.
Wearing a lovely Italian suit.
Wh-what's he saying? Who is it? Duncan Guthrie's just walked in.
I think he's had his hair especially blow-dried, and he looks nauseatingly happy.
Oh, come on, Thorby! Still no word.
Duncan Guthrie's just stretched himself there.
She coming? Don't know.
Is she alright? She's making some adjustments, but she will be coming on stage with me, and she will be standing beside me.
OK.
She'll be out in a minute, and I think it's best if you're not here when she returns.
David, I'm just trying to protect her.
And you.
The first impression is Well, look at you.
You handsome bastard.
Duncan, how are you? Looks like we made it, eh? No leaks.
Apparently not.
She runs a tight ship, this one.
Yeah.
That she does.
Mr Guthrie.
Now, I've read the speech.
It's fucking great.
Hits all the right notes.
You just relax into it.
Gonna be a bit of history today.
Now, where's that gorgeous daughter of yours? She'll be out in a minute.
Shh.
Here's Thorby.
Here's Thorby.
Here he is.
Here he is.
Hey, turn it up.
Turn it up.
Turn it up! As I'm sure you are aware Turn it up.
Kate? Kate? Just this morning I announced my intention to resign as leader of this party and as the member .
.
for the great seat of Mount Waverley.
Blah, blah, blah.
Come on, Thorby! Give us the juice.
.
.
the right one for my family, and I know that I am leaving the party in the best possible hands.
OK, alright.
Here we go.
This is it, this is it.
Shh, shh, shh.
Stepping up to the role of interim leader will be my very capable deputy, Mr Trevor Bailey.
What? Interim? And to contest the seat of Mount Waverley, and to spearhead our campaign .
.
I'm thrilled to be giving my 100% endorsement to a man who needs no introduction.
Beginning his career as a celebrated journalist, he's gone on to provide an invaluable contribution to public life.
Sweet mother of fuck.
.
.
as chairman of the Melbourne Public It is McLeod! They're fucking airlifting him in.
Kate! Kate, you wanna see this! .
.
a centenary medal winner for his remarkable work on Oh, yes.
A real Mother Teresa.
.
.
and 2012 King of Moomba.
Yes! Shit on a rock.
King of Moomba?! It is my great honour to welcome to the stage a great Australian .
.
Mr David McLeod.
Kate.
OK.
Top tweet, "David McLeod jumps into politics.
"Humphrey B.
Bear slated for deputy.
" Where's Trevor Bailey, the so-called interim leader? Is he even fucking there? Probably just been put on life support.
For over a decade now, I've worked in the political arena.
I've interviewed politicians, negotiated major events.
I've lobbied and I've listened.
I've listened very carefully.
And I'd reckon like most people, I've been pretty frustrated.
I'd look at this current government and I'd see constant infighting, gross inefficiencies, pointless red tape, and billions of dollars of waste.
And Tilly here, well, she'd hear me yelling at the TV, "Is there anyone in power who's actually there for Victorians?" OK, here we go.
We're gonna play the dad card.
I'm gonna love this.
And Matilda, well, you know how teenagers have that annoying little habit of quoting you back to yourself? Yep! I'm already loving it.
Matilda said something to me that I always say to her.
She said "Don't just sit there and complain.
"Get up and do something.
" Oh.
Thank you, Mr Brady.
Now, believe me.
I understand the magnitude of the challenge I'm committing to.
I understand it, and I respect it.
But I'm committing to it, because I can no longer sit by and watch this great state slip further and further backwards.
I'm committing to it, because I want Matilda, as I want all of our children, to inherit a Victoria as brilliant and as prosperous as I know it can be.
A place where a fairly average kid from Doncaster can go on to get his mug on the telly, to build businesses, to sit on boards .
.
and to live life to its fullest potential.
That's the Victoria that we can all achieve if we are willing to embrace change.
Translation, "I'm gonna make my rich friends richer.
" Just on a personal note Oh, yeah, 'cause everything else was so impersonal.
.
.
I just want to acknowledge my late wife Alison.
A woman who taught me what was really important .
.
in life.
And it made me realise that I needed to step up.
Wow.
Thank you.
Well, there we have it.
Media identity David McLeod, now in the race for State Premier.
With the election campaign about to begin, pundits have been Are you? Sorry.
.
.
a win for Premier Kate Ballard, but this announcement of Alright.
I want everything we've got on McLeod.
And we congratulate Mr McLeod.
No.
We say, "We're looking forward to hearing his plan for" No.
We're not going to offer our congratulations.
I just think it's a quintessential Kate Ballard response.
A counter-response A game show host has just been put up for Premier.
I think we can afford to have some attack.
He never hosted a game show.
If my memory serves me correctly, there were swivelling numbers and a blonde.
Don't underestimate him, Wayne.
Hang on.
Where are we meeting Geoff? At the front, when we pull up.
What, in front of the media? What's wrong with that? You just have to get out and kiss your husband hello.
It's not like you have to perform Giselle.
It's been a very big day, and I'd prefer it if my first interaction with my husband wasn't on Sky News.
Alright.
I'll deal with the press.
I'm sorry.
Ah, student string quartet.
How Oh, my God.
.
.
tuneful.
There he is.
There's Geoff.
Good.
What a fucking day.
Just let me kill the strings.
You OK? Mm-hm.
Just trying to catch my breath.
Yeah.
I'm hearing that Duncan Guthrie couldn't get anyone in the party to be his puppet, so he's wheeled in a mate.
Unbelievable.
Kate, did you see it coming? What do you want to say to Mr McLeod? Were you shocked? Oh, like everyone else, yes.
I was surprised.
This is a very unorthodox arrangement.
Party leaders are supposed to have extensive Parliamentary experience.
I think questions should be asked, and they will be.
Are you concerned about running against such a popular personality? This isn't the Logies, Andrew.
It's a state election.
I think the public are smarter than that.
Mr McLeod has interviewed you on several occasions.
What's your impression of him? David McLeod has always struck me as being .
.
intelligent and driven.
But does that mean he's remotely qualified to be the Premier of Victoria? Absolutely not.
OK, thank you.
Thank you very much.
That'll be it for this evening.
We'll chat to you next week.
Hey.
I didn't wait.
I'm half a bottle in.
I think I smell.
Have a shower.
I saved you some stir-fry.
Did I miss the news? Yeah.
I don't know if I'd call it the news.
It was, like, 23 stories on David McLeod, and the lotto numbers.
Did they say anything about Kate? They did play an old interview she did with David.
Just shots, really.
They didn't play sound.
What was the vibe in there with Kate? I dunno.
Some people were like, "This is a joke! "It's ridiculous!" Other people were like, "Well, he's very popular.
" But Kate was, um What? I dunno.
She was weird.
I didn't really get a read on her.
But I didn't get any time alone, so I couldn't Go into full BFF mode? No.
You see, I'm not her BFF.
Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not! Yeah, you are.
Her PA, and her in-house shrink, and her office man candy.
Hey.
I don't blame her.
I get it.
She's got this old dude husband, so she likes a bit of young dude hanging around.
You know I've still got to work tonight.
At least two hours.
Yeah, me too.
What are you doing? Oh, just I couldn't sleep.
My head's spinning.
Try half a Xanax.
Drug pusher.
I'm telling ya.
Get the sleep drug sorted now.
You'll thank me when you're in the campaign.
Because you're such an ambassador for good sleep.
You're not reading all the coverage, are you? You know, you can't judge anything now.
That's the peak of it for them.
Peak of it? They pulled off a big stunt, made a big noise that got everybody watching.
But there'll be a backlash.
I give it 11 days.
That's very specific.
Lunch time on the 10? Possibly.
I'll set my alarm.
Shut it down.
Mmm.
Come to bed.
OK.
I'm sorry.
Hello? I'm sorry to call you.
What time is it? 4:30.
Almost.
Sorry.
Could you meet me in the office? What? Now? Hi.
Morning.
G'day.
I went on a mission to find decent caffeine at 5am.
The mission was a failure, but I did get my cardio for the month.
I had an affair with David McLeod.
When? Mainly in the middle of last decade.
Maybe a bit earlier.
Right, so .
.
played out for a while? There were a few .
.
flare-ups.
But it's not ongoing? No.
No.
I haven't spoken to him in I don't know how long.
Not since I've been Premier.
Does Geoff know? No.
No-one knows.
At all.
It just happened so unexpectedly.
Our paths crossed, and It's almost guaranteed to come out, isn't it? It's pretty good.
Stephen Haynes had a foursome at Melbourne Uni.
Who's Stephen Haynes? Secretary to the Commissioner for Gaming Regulation.
Oh, right.
It's actually good for me to know that.
I keep thinking .
.
and I know I'm paranoid, because I haven't slept, but .
.
he moves in those circles.
David, with Duncan Guthrie.
They've probably had a day in a corporate box, boozed, and he's blabbed about us.
And Guthrie's thought, "Oh, this is a knockout blow.
" And they're just gonna wait for an opportune moment to The week before election.
Oh, this is going to be the end of me.
I mean, that's it.
I'm gonna be a trivia question.
Feel free to disagree.
No.
Sorry.
No.
Not necessarily.
Yes.
It would be a very considerable blow, but OK, look.
Alright.
Here's what's gonna happen.
Right now, I am going to get some caffeine.
Just from the kitchenette.
I'll be two seconds, and then I will return, and we will start listing options.
We're not going to write anything down.
Verbally stating options.
All the options.
And we will chart a strong course of action like always.
You're here bright and early.
Yeah.
So are you.
Oh, this is what time I always arrive.
Really? Yes.
What are you doing here? I asked him to come in.
Just to get a jump on the transport launch.
Right.
Well, don't forget you've got a live radio interview at 7:15.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna have a shower.
What are you wearing? Oh, I just threw it on.
You do work for the state's parliament, Oliver.
Hello.
I'm in the bathroom suite.
Can you meet me in here? Oh, that's not gonna look suspicious.
Just walk with confidence.
Carry a printout or something.
You realise you're now risking a "Sprung with the speechwriter in the toilet" scandal on top of your "I fucked the opposition leader" scandal? Sorry.
OK, so Options.
Yeah.
Let's start with the most obvious one.
You do a full public confession.
Traditionally with scandals, better to confess than be sprung.
Yep.
Yes.
Let's just step through it.
Yeah.
Step through it.
We'd want to do it relatively quickly.
As soon as we could, really.
Right.
So, I I'd wipe my schedule.
I'd go right home.
I'd tell Geoff, and then Fuck! And then you and I would reconvene and craft a speech trying to own it.
Own it? Defuse it? Somehow.
Whilst also accepting the full gravity.
Let's go to option two.
We gamble that it might not break, and proceed as planned.
He did go hard on the family man angle yesterday.
Which, I mean, if you were planning to break a big sex scandal, you would not position yourself like that, would you? There is a certain honour about David.
He's not what you think.
I'm gonna have to go.
But Ollie .
.
could you just jot down some ideas, very discreetly, for option one.
The confession? Not that I'm necessarily going to opt for that.
If I can just if I could just see the words.
Yeah, sure.
And .
.
I need you to know .
.
that this is the only time I have ever done anything remotely like this.
I know.
I know.
Who ended it? Did you end it? Or was it him? It was just .
.
cut off.
So, we'll just head through the main entranceway here.
Morning.
As you can see, already decked out with yesterday's press.
"Early poll, Victoria pumped for Premier David".
It's almost like I wrote that one.
Actually, that poll was conducted by an affiliate of my PR firm.
Oh.
Right.
Through here, your speechwriters.
Jonathan and Leigh, both very talented former journos.
Oh, g'day.
And Amanda Barrymore, who is on loan from the Prime Minister's office.
Good.
He owes me a favour.
In here we have our logistics team.
James, Anna, Jess and Leon.
In charge of keeping you strictly on schedule.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you, and apologies in advance, OK? Heading up our advertising agency Don't get up.
Don't get up.
Sallyanne, Tommy and Jason, who you know.
You can get up.
There we go, Jase.
Good to see you, mate.
How are you? Great you're on board.
Well, a very wise friend once told me the secret to politics.
That is, just remember everyone's name you work with, and one detail about them.
We may be in trouble.
But seriously, Charlotte speaks so very highly of each and every one of you, and as I've learned, you pass the Charlotte Wynn test, then you all must be pretty fucking magnificent.
But I just want you to know that I'm going to give this everything.
I'll go where you want, for as long as you want.
I'm leaving absolutely nothing on the floor until the very last minute.
Until we have this election 100% won.
Thank you very much.
Cathy, Stephen, George, Kylie, Sophie, Jordan, Bryony, Jonathan, Leigh, Amanda, James, Anna, Jess, Leon, Tommy, Jase, Sallyanne Les Leon Len kidding.
Lucas.
Ballard's live on radio.
Follow me.
Lucas.
Thank you one and all.
Thank you.
I really do see this campaign as a fantastic opportunity to present our plan for the state.
So, no, Jon, we won't be changing our approach, because, frankly, it doesn't matter if we're up against Neil Thorby or David McLeod or Justin Bieber.
For us, it really is all about the plan.
Some people have already said if McLeod wins, we'd end up with a puppet Premier.
What do you say to that? Well, look, I'm not going to speculate on how Mr McLeod might operate as Premier.
But speaking for myself, I came to this position with over 12 years' of parliamentary experience behind me.
I began as a local member for Richmond, then I became a Parliamentary Secretary, Minister, Deputy Leader, and it's been my privilege to serve as Premier for the last year and a half now.
I have learned at every stage firsthand the grit and ingenuity that's required to make the changes that Victorians have voted for.
To run for office with no qualifications whatsoever, well, that's just not something I can imagine.
Well, it's certainly going to be an interesting campaign.
Premier Kate Ballard, thank you very much for your time.
Thanks, Jon.
Now a quick traffic check.
Some No qualifications whatsoever? Jeez, I love it when a career politician, 15 years in the one bloody building, calls me unqualified.
David, it's fine.
See her chipping away for years at things.
I pick up the phone.
Two phone calls.
Job done.
We always knew they were gonna hammer the inexperience thing.
Now, these are briefing notes.
Responses to everything they're gonna say, from inexperience, to single fatherhood, to the 2006 sexism controversy.
The chicken wing comment? It's covered.
60% still call it "very amusing".
Now, I've had three of the best PR minds working on this for four months, and I can assure you we are covered for everything.
Well, you're never covered for everything, are you? Covered for all but the most inconceivable curveball.
Well .
.
we'll see, won't we? Follow me, please.
Bring your phone.
I've just got a text message from an unidentified number.
Could you call it for me? 0499 209 947.
If they answer, just say, "Wrong number," hang up.
"Hi, this is David McLeod.
Leave me a message.
" It's David.
Message bank.
What did the text say? It said, "Nice interview.
"Don't you think we should meet up?"
Test, test.
One, two.
Test, test.
One, two.
One, two.
It's a sweltering election eve here in Victoria.
Three, four.
Cara, am I sweating a bit? Are we on before or after the weather? Is she there yet? Pete, go again.
They said she's here.
We're calling again.
Hi.
I'm so sorry.
We couldn't figure out a way to get up here.
Kate Ballard.
David McLeod.
20 seconds.
Where would be a good place to position these? Uh, look, the frame's just the cityscape and us, so I'm not sure if they're gonna work.
Just hold still.
A little bit sweaty there.
Uh, well, your producer did confirm with us that we could position these prominently, so 10 seconds.
Look, with, uh, this background and your face, quite frankly it's a much better sell.
Here we go.
Careful of squinting.
Let's cross now to our man braving the heat, David McLeod.
That's right, Angie.
It's a sweltering election eve here in Victoria.
If you think you're suffering from election fatigue, spare a thought for this woman, Kate Ballard.
It's her first election running for the seat of Richmond.
Kate, tell us, how are the exhaustion levels? Oh, well, David, I can't say I've had much sleep over the last month.
But I have had the privilege of visiting hundreds of local homes, a really remarkable experience.
Just a rough estimate, Kate - how many babies have you kissed this month? Um, I can't say I've kissed a lot of babies.
But it is it is .
.
it's so it's so heartening to see people genuinely responding to Rob Hutchens.
Very powerful message.
The Victorians that I speak to are just so passionate about world-class healthcare, innovative schools, uh, modern infrastructure Take it away.
They're tired of seeing the state go backwards with the current government.
And in Rob Hutchens they're seeing a compassionate, strong leader with real vision for Victoria.
Would you just like to throw back to Ange in the studio? Sorry? There you have it, Ange.
Happy voting.
And if things don't work out tomorrow, rest assured Ms Ballard is available for prime time hosting.
Back to you.
Thank you, David.
Or should I say, thank you, Ms Ballard.
Hang on.
Not clear.
Very informative.
We'll be back after the break with all the weekend weather.
And we're clear.
What just happened here? You were looking down the barrel.
Sorry? Well, it's kind of like I'm the interviewer.
Normally you'd just look at me.
Well, never at any point did you say that.
I just assumed you'd be across it.
Were you gesturing behind me? No.
No, I was listening.
Attentively.
OK.
I may have hammed it up a little bit, but it was live TV.
You know what it's like.
Actually, that was my first experience of it, so no.
Ooh.
Well, I want to speak to Carrie about this, because she really should be across this stuff.
Well, we should go through everyone else she's got booked in, because I don't want to be another joke to some inane, drunk prick.
I'm not drunk.
I mean, inane? Fine.
Prick? Well, you know, it's a matter of opinion, but I can assure you I am sober.
I'll call you back, John.
Look, if it's any consolation, I thought you'd come up really well.
You made me a sight gag.
No.
You were just a bit nervous.
Maybe a touch earnest, but attractive.
Not so bad, is it? It's pretty much the combo Princess Diana had.
Princess Diana wasn't a politician.
No.
But if she was, she would've won.
Landslide.
Goodbye.
Sorry.
What was your name again? David.
McLeod.
Right.
If you ever need any tips or media training I'll keep that in mind.
Can you flag his name and make sure we never do another interview with him again? He's actually really popular.
Really? With who? Everyone.
Not like she's a serious contender anyway.
Premier Kate Ballard today announced a $1.
8 billion boost in health funding.
In the School participation is not a platform from which we launch ourselves across And another fiery day in Parliament, as the government again struggled to pass its education reform bill.
Kate Ballard vigorously defended the reform, calling it the only sensible option.
And it's on this basis that I fully support this bill.
Premier Kate Ballard with her husband Geoff Ballard greeting guests at the opening of the Living Melbourne exhibition at the Museum of Victoria.
The Premier wore a blue satin jacket, her husband donning a Hugo Boss suit.
In her It's coming.
15 minutes.
Promise.
I'm not ringing about the speech, although the arts ministry are going mental about it.
Yeah.
Half an hour at the most.
I've called a crisis meeting.
No doubt she'll want you here, so you'd better get in here pronto.
Crisis meeting? Did you manage to hear breakfast radio this morning? Not all of it.
Well, Neil Thorby went on a lovely little attack.
Called Kate "childless and out of touch, "with no right to spend your money.
" Really?! Is that actually what he said, or is that what he said plus a little bit of Wayne hysteria? Word-for-fucking-word.
Well, I'm not really seeing anything online.
Morning drive.
Shaun says it's on morning drive right now.
Hang on.
Thorby is again under fire I think you'll agree with me that Kate doesn't have an image problem.
She's got an image emergency.
Yeah.
Shh, shh, shh.
I got it.
.
.
overhaul, the embattled opposition leader labelled Kate Ballard childless and out of touch.
This is a woman with a rich construction magnate for a husband, and no children, spending billions of taxpayer dollars.
Now, does she know what it's like to struggle with school fees or supermarket bills, household Yeah, alright.
I'm coming in.
The Premier has yet to respond.
Just if it was an inch longer, you know, she wouldn't look so severe.
Yeah, the shape makes her face look pointy.
Mmm.
Good figure, though.
Yeah.
No kids.
Mmm.
Hey.
I didn't think you'd be up.
Yeah.
I kinda wish I wasn't.
Did you actually come to bed last night? Yeah, but then I woke up at three and decided to rewrite the launch speech, and then I don't know what happened.
Hey, are you guys across this whole attack from Thorby, the childless thing? Yeah.
We're already doing a report, an opinion piece, two cartoons, and a photo gallery.
Please tell me the vibe on it is 'Thorby's a dick'.
Mostly.
I mean, Twitter's gone all feminist ragey, but some shock jocks are saying it's a legitimate point.
And there is an online poll, "Which Disney villainess does Kate Ballard most resemble?" You guys gonna respond? Well, Wayne's called a crisis meeting, so probably.
Look, I'm just about to head in, so Is it worth me getting stuff for dinner tonight, or is that just a ridiculous notion? Yeah, probably ridiculous, but get stuff anyway.
Say nothing, Kate, to Thorby, you're endorsing his Arts education speech? Half an hour after this.
How long's this going to take? I'm more than happy to respond, Wayne.
But my response is not going to be some tacky personal interest story, curled up with my husband, talking about how relatable we are.
I mean, if I saw something like that Yeah, but we're not talking about you.
We're talking about the general public, who are starting to think that you're a bit of an amphibian.
An amphibian? I mean, cold-blooded.
What's the word for cold-blooded creatures? I think it's reptiles.
Oh, good.
Well, at least I'm a vertebrate.
Oliver.
Do you have any legitimate suggestions you'd like to share? Well, my initial thought was that we respond with a Woman's Day couple spread.
You and Geoff in matching knitted jumpers.
And kittens? Should we have kittens? Yeah, and maybe you could record a duet.
A cover of Two Strong Hearts.
Oh, hilarious.
Very funny, both of you.
Sorry, do we have the actual interview? I only heard a grab.
Just the once through this time, thanks, Wayne.
This is a woman with a rich construction magnate for a husband, and no children, spending billions of taxpayer dollars.
Now, does she know what it's like to struggle with school fees or supermarket bills? Household expenses? So, are you saying that because she's a woman with no children No, what I'm saying is it's easy to be casual about debt in her position.
Hardworking people with families know every dollar counts.
Well, it seems I'd just go idealistic with it.
I'd just say, "I believe a good leader could come from any background.
"They could be married or unmarried.
"They could have a dozen children or none at all.
"The only requirements" Are a clear vision, and the courage and tenacity to turn that vision into a reality.
And maybe the best time to respond would be tonight at the arts education thing.
Maybe with Geoff by your side possibly, when you say it.
Ann-Marie? Yep? Could you please talk to Geoff and see if he's available to be with me at the launch tonight? Sure.
Alright.
Thanks, gentlemen.
I've got to head to cabinet.
Ollie, arts education speech? Yes.
Done.
Virtually.
Almost.
Be waiting for you after cabinet.
What? I totally delivered just then.
You semi-delivered.
I got you an idealistic speech with her husband by her side all warm and cosy.
What more do you want? I can think of a few things.
Hmm.
Hmm.
What? Oh, it's Tom.
How is your little boyfriend in the press gallery? Can you not refer to him as my little boyfriend? Ah.
What? What? What's he saying? Oh.
Sorry, everyone, to keep you waiting.
Paula, would you mind if we shifted transport forward on the agenda? Have you heard the news? Thorby? The childless thing? No.
He's just announced he's stepping down from the leadership.
Bailey challenge? Dunno.
There's a press conference this afternoon.
You've seen? Ollie just heard a rumour floating around the press gallery, but it's weird.
What? You know David McLeod? The journo? Head of MPEC? Yes.
Yes, I know him.
Well, the rumour is it's him.
That's impossible.
You serious? That's the rumour.
He doesn't have a seat in Parliament.
It can't be.
I know it sounds dodgy, but that's what Ollie heard.
What would you like to do? When's the press conference? Where are you? We're here.
Just to your right.
OK.
What is she wearing? Matilda! How are you? Good, good.
Mwah.
I'm a bit nervous.
Ah, you'll be fine.
So, did you bring the dress with you? Uh, no, actually.
I tried the dress on again last night.
It wasn't working.
I tried, like, three mirrors.
Yeah.
Dad agreed.
The first outfit's just so important, you know? OK.
Well, your dad's just this way.
OK.
So, are you, uh, starting to get, like, kicking and stuff now? I've had kicks for weeks.
I'm getting full somersaults now.
Weird.
So, Matilda, I'm just a little concerned about .
.
well, the heels, for example.
Oh, are they not working? Oh, no.
They're great.
It's just, well, we can't have you towering over your dad.
Oh, nah.
Nah.
I'm still, like, heaps shorter.
Even in the shoes.
Dad.
Dad! Oh, Tilly.
How are you, sweetheart? Good.
Uh, haircut? Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you reckon? Uh, it's alright.
It's a bit Lego man.
Wow.
Mmm.
Thumbs-down from the style police.
See? Still taller.
Let's keep moving.
Dad, now.
Now.
Now's really good.
Ah! Alright.
Hey, don't worry.
I'm not going t post them.
Matilda, would you mind if I just went over a couple of things with your dad? Would you like a water or a juice, or? I'd love a coffee.
OK.
Lucas, would you mind? I went over it again.
That last line is still far too generic.
We need something more personal I dunno, to make it more personal.
Before that, Matilda's outfit.
Yeah? We can't have her up there beside you looking like that.
Looking like what? David, she looks 22.
Yeah.
I hate to tell ya, so do most 16 year olds these days.
She looks like a 22 year old going to a nightclub to pick up.
Sorry.
It's just given how heavily we're going on the good father angle, I think it might play the wrong way.
Alright.
Make some changes.
Just pull back on the make-up or something.
It's more than the make-up.
What's this? Nothing.
Actually, I was just thinking that no, no.
Just Now that I'm actually seeing the space, I'm wondering if the best positioning of you, Matilda, is actually the very front row.
That way you'd have eye-contact with your dad.
We'd get shots of him looking at you.
It'd be very emotional.
You hate the dress.
No.
I don't hate the dress at all.
Dad.
You saw the other dress and you agreed.
It wasn't working.
I took pictures.
Just come with me.
But Dad, if I'm not up on stage, I won't be on TV.
I know.
It won't be the I'm sorry, Matilda.
It's just that every detail today Can you just give us a minute? Thanks.
OK, but we really do only have 15 minutes.
Long macc for Matilda.
It's still the exact same plan, Paula.
We've just divided into different stages.
Which means four more years until we do level crossings.
Look, I know it's not as sexy as the airport link, but that is actually the critical issue.
Uh, Premier.
There's no point in having a spectacular transport plan if we're not actually in government to implement it.
Premier.
Sorry.
The opposition press conference.
Starting any time .
.
now.
Alright.
Can we pick it up tomorrow? Just waiting now for Neil Thorby's official resignation, and for the announcement of the new opposition leader.
It's Tom.
It's Tom.
Hey.
Are you there? Do you know who it is? No, but Duncan Guthrie just walked in.
Who? The Liberal kingmaker, merchant banker dude.
Wearing a lovely Italian suit.
Wh-what's he saying? Who is it? Duncan Guthrie's just walked in.
I think he's had his hair especially blow-dried, and he looks nauseatingly happy.
Oh, come on, Thorby! Still no word.
Duncan Guthrie's just stretched himself there.
She coming? Don't know.
Is she alright? She's making some adjustments, but she will be coming on stage with me, and she will be standing beside me.
OK.
She'll be out in a minute, and I think it's best if you're not here when she returns.
David, I'm just trying to protect her.
And you.
The first impression is Well, look at you.
You handsome bastard.
Duncan, how are you? Looks like we made it, eh? No leaks.
Apparently not.
She runs a tight ship, this one.
Yeah.
That she does.
Mr Guthrie.
Now, I've read the speech.
It's fucking great.
Hits all the right notes.
You just relax into it.
Gonna be a bit of history today.
Now, where's that gorgeous daughter of yours? She'll be out in a minute.
Shh.
Here's Thorby.
Here's Thorby.
Here he is.
Here he is.
Hey, turn it up.
Turn it up.
Turn it up! As I'm sure you are aware Turn it up.
Kate? Kate? Just this morning I announced my intention to resign as leader of this party and as the member .
.
for the great seat of Mount Waverley.
Blah, blah, blah.
Come on, Thorby! Give us the juice.
.
.
the right one for my family, and I know that I am leaving the party in the best possible hands.
OK, alright.
Here we go.
This is it, this is it.
Shh, shh, shh.
Stepping up to the role of interim leader will be my very capable deputy, Mr Trevor Bailey.
What? Interim? And to contest the seat of Mount Waverley, and to spearhead our campaign .
.
I'm thrilled to be giving my 100% endorsement to a man who needs no introduction.
Beginning his career as a celebrated journalist, he's gone on to provide an invaluable contribution to public life.
Sweet mother of fuck.
.
.
as chairman of the Melbourne Public It is McLeod! They're fucking airlifting him in.
Kate! Kate, you wanna see this! .
.
a centenary medal winner for his remarkable work on Oh, yes.
A real Mother Teresa.
.
.
and 2012 King of Moomba.
Yes! Shit on a rock.
King of Moomba?! It is my great honour to welcome to the stage a great Australian .
.
Mr David McLeod.
Kate.
OK.
Top tweet, "David McLeod jumps into politics.
"Humphrey B.
Bear slated for deputy.
" Where's Trevor Bailey, the so-called interim leader? Is he even fucking there? Probably just been put on life support.
For over a decade now, I've worked in the political arena.
I've interviewed politicians, negotiated major events.
I've lobbied and I've listened.
I've listened very carefully.
And I'd reckon like most people, I've been pretty frustrated.
I'd look at this current government and I'd see constant infighting, gross inefficiencies, pointless red tape, and billions of dollars of waste.
And Tilly here, well, she'd hear me yelling at the TV, "Is there anyone in power who's actually there for Victorians?" OK, here we go.
We're gonna play the dad card.
I'm gonna love this.
And Matilda, well, you know how teenagers have that annoying little habit of quoting you back to yourself? Yep! I'm already loving it.
Matilda said something to me that I always say to her.
She said "Don't just sit there and complain.
"Get up and do something.
" Oh.
Thank you, Mr Brady.
Now, believe me.
I understand the magnitude of the challenge I'm committing to.
I understand it, and I respect it.
But I'm committing to it, because I can no longer sit by and watch this great state slip further and further backwards.
I'm committing to it, because I want Matilda, as I want all of our children, to inherit a Victoria as brilliant and as prosperous as I know it can be.
A place where a fairly average kid from Doncaster can go on to get his mug on the telly, to build businesses, to sit on boards .
.
and to live life to its fullest potential.
That's the Victoria that we can all achieve if we are willing to embrace change.
Translation, "I'm gonna make my rich friends richer.
" Just on a personal note Oh, yeah, 'cause everything else was so impersonal.
.
.
I just want to acknowledge my late wife Alison.
A woman who taught me what was really important .
.
in life.
And it made me realise that I needed to step up.
Wow.
Thank you.
Well, there we have it.
Media identity David McLeod, now in the race for State Premier.
With the election campaign about to begin, pundits have been Are you? Sorry.
.
.
a win for Premier Kate Ballard, but this announcement of Alright.
I want everything we've got on McLeod.
And we congratulate Mr McLeod.
No.
We say, "We're looking forward to hearing his plan for" No.
We're not going to offer our congratulations.
I just think it's a quintessential Kate Ballard response.
A counter-response A game show host has just been put up for Premier.
I think we can afford to have some attack.
He never hosted a game show.
If my memory serves me correctly, there were swivelling numbers and a blonde.
Don't underestimate him, Wayne.
Hang on.
Where are we meeting Geoff? At the front, when we pull up.
What, in front of the media? What's wrong with that? You just have to get out and kiss your husband hello.
It's not like you have to perform Giselle.
It's been a very big day, and I'd prefer it if my first interaction with my husband wasn't on Sky News.
Alright.
I'll deal with the press.
I'm sorry.
Ah, student string quartet.
How Oh, my God.
.
.
tuneful.
There he is.
There's Geoff.
Good.
What a fucking day.
Just let me kill the strings.
You OK? Mm-hm.
Just trying to catch my breath.
Yeah.
I'm hearing that Duncan Guthrie couldn't get anyone in the party to be his puppet, so he's wheeled in a mate.
Unbelievable.
Kate, did you see it coming? What do you want to say to Mr McLeod? Were you shocked? Oh, like everyone else, yes.
I was surprised.
This is a very unorthodox arrangement.
Party leaders are supposed to have extensive Parliamentary experience.
I think questions should be asked, and they will be.
Are you concerned about running against such a popular personality? This isn't the Logies, Andrew.
It's a state election.
I think the public are smarter than that.
Mr McLeod has interviewed you on several occasions.
What's your impression of him? David McLeod has always struck me as being .
.
intelligent and driven.
But does that mean he's remotely qualified to be the Premier of Victoria? Absolutely not.
OK, thank you.
Thank you very much.
That'll be it for this evening.
We'll chat to you next week.
Hey.
I didn't wait.
I'm half a bottle in.
I think I smell.
Have a shower.
I saved you some stir-fry.
Did I miss the news? Yeah.
I don't know if I'd call it the news.
It was, like, 23 stories on David McLeod, and the lotto numbers.
Did they say anything about Kate? They did play an old interview she did with David.
Just shots, really.
They didn't play sound.
What was the vibe in there with Kate? I dunno.
Some people were like, "This is a joke! "It's ridiculous!" Other people were like, "Well, he's very popular.
" But Kate was, um What? I dunno.
She was weird.
I didn't really get a read on her.
But I didn't get any time alone, so I couldn't Go into full BFF mode? No.
You see, I'm not her BFF.
Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not! Yeah, you are.
Her PA, and her in-house shrink, and her office man candy.
Hey.
I don't blame her.
I get it.
She's got this old dude husband, so she likes a bit of young dude hanging around.
You know I've still got to work tonight.
At least two hours.
Yeah, me too.
What are you doing? Oh, just I couldn't sleep.
My head's spinning.
Try half a Xanax.
Drug pusher.
I'm telling ya.
Get the sleep drug sorted now.
You'll thank me when you're in the campaign.
Because you're such an ambassador for good sleep.
You're not reading all the coverage, are you? You know, you can't judge anything now.
That's the peak of it for them.
Peak of it? They pulled off a big stunt, made a big noise that got everybody watching.
But there'll be a backlash.
I give it 11 days.
That's very specific.
Lunch time on the 10? Possibly.
I'll set my alarm.
Shut it down.
Mmm.
Come to bed.
OK.
I'm sorry.
Hello? I'm sorry to call you.
What time is it? 4:30.
Almost.
Sorry.
Could you meet me in the office? What? Now? Hi.
Morning.
G'day.
I went on a mission to find decent caffeine at 5am.
The mission was a failure, but I did get my cardio for the month.
I had an affair with David McLeod.
When? Mainly in the middle of last decade.
Maybe a bit earlier.
Right, so .
.
played out for a while? There were a few .
.
flare-ups.
But it's not ongoing? No.
No.
I haven't spoken to him in I don't know how long.
Not since I've been Premier.
Does Geoff know? No.
No-one knows.
At all.
It just happened so unexpectedly.
Our paths crossed, and It's almost guaranteed to come out, isn't it? It's pretty good.
Stephen Haynes had a foursome at Melbourne Uni.
Who's Stephen Haynes? Secretary to the Commissioner for Gaming Regulation.
Oh, right.
It's actually good for me to know that.
I keep thinking .
.
and I know I'm paranoid, because I haven't slept, but .
.
he moves in those circles.
David, with Duncan Guthrie.
They've probably had a day in a corporate box, boozed, and he's blabbed about us.
And Guthrie's thought, "Oh, this is a knockout blow.
" And they're just gonna wait for an opportune moment to The week before election.
Oh, this is going to be the end of me.
I mean, that's it.
I'm gonna be a trivia question.
Feel free to disagree.
No.
Sorry.
No.
Not necessarily.
Yes.
It would be a very considerable blow, but OK, look.
Alright.
Here's what's gonna happen.
Right now, I am going to get some caffeine.
Just from the kitchenette.
I'll be two seconds, and then I will return, and we will start listing options.
We're not going to write anything down.
Verbally stating options.
All the options.
And we will chart a strong course of action like always.
You're here bright and early.
Yeah.
So are you.
Oh, this is what time I always arrive.
Really? Yes.
What are you doing here? I asked him to come in.
Just to get a jump on the transport launch.
Right.
Well, don't forget you've got a live radio interview at 7:15.
Yeah.
I'm just gonna have a shower.
What are you wearing? Oh, I just threw it on.
You do work for the state's parliament, Oliver.
Hello.
I'm in the bathroom suite.
Can you meet me in here? Oh, that's not gonna look suspicious.
Just walk with confidence.
Carry a printout or something.
You realise you're now risking a "Sprung with the speechwriter in the toilet" scandal on top of your "I fucked the opposition leader" scandal? Sorry.
OK, so Options.
Yeah.
Let's start with the most obvious one.
You do a full public confession.
Traditionally with scandals, better to confess than be sprung.
Yep.
Yes.
Let's just step through it.
Yeah.
Step through it.
We'd want to do it relatively quickly.
As soon as we could, really.
Right.
So, I I'd wipe my schedule.
I'd go right home.
I'd tell Geoff, and then Fuck! And then you and I would reconvene and craft a speech trying to own it.
Own it? Defuse it? Somehow.
Whilst also accepting the full gravity.
Let's go to option two.
We gamble that it might not break, and proceed as planned.
He did go hard on the family man angle yesterday.
Which, I mean, if you were planning to break a big sex scandal, you would not position yourself like that, would you? There is a certain honour about David.
He's not what you think.
I'm gonna have to go.
But Ollie .
.
could you just jot down some ideas, very discreetly, for option one.
The confession? Not that I'm necessarily going to opt for that.
If I can just if I could just see the words.
Yeah, sure.
And .
.
I need you to know .
.
that this is the only time I have ever done anything remotely like this.
I know.
I know.
Who ended it? Did you end it? Or was it him? It was just .
.
cut off.
So, we'll just head through the main entranceway here.
Morning.
As you can see, already decked out with yesterday's press.
"Early poll, Victoria pumped for Premier David".
It's almost like I wrote that one.
Actually, that poll was conducted by an affiliate of my PR firm.
Oh.
Right.
Through here, your speechwriters.
Jonathan and Leigh, both very talented former journos.
Oh, g'day.
And Amanda Barrymore, who is on loan from the Prime Minister's office.
Good.
He owes me a favour.
In here we have our logistics team.
James, Anna, Jess and Leon.
In charge of keeping you strictly on schedule.
Hello.
Thank you.
Thank you, and apologies in advance, OK? Heading up our advertising agency Don't get up.
Don't get up.
Sallyanne, Tommy and Jason, who you know.
You can get up.
There we go, Jase.
Good to see you, mate.
How are you? Great you're on board.
Well, a very wise friend once told me the secret to politics.
That is, just remember everyone's name you work with, and one detail about them.
We may be in trouble.
But seriously, Charlotte speaks so very highly of each and every one of you, and as I've learned, you pass the Charlotte Wynn test, then you all must be pretty fucking magnificent.
But I just want you to know that I'm going to give this everything.
I'll go where you want, for as long as you want.
I'm leaving absolutely nothing on the floor until the very last minute.
Until we have this election 100% won.
Thank you very much.
Cathy, Stephen, George, Kylie, Sophie, Jordan, Bryony, Jonathan, Leigh, Amanda, James, Anna, Jess, Leon, Tommy, Jase, Sallyanne Les Leon Len kidding.
Lucas.
Ballard's live on radio.
Follow me.
Lucas.
Thank you one and all.
Thank you.
I really do see this campaign as a fantastic opportunity to present our plan for the state.
So, no, Jon, we won't be changing our approach, because, frankly, it doesn't matter if we're up against Neil Thorby or David McLeod or Justin Bieber.
For us, it really is all about the plan.
Some people have already said if McLeod wins, we'd end up with a puppet Premier.
What do you say to that? Well, look, I'm not going to speculate on how Mr McLeod might operate as Premier.
But speaking for myself, I came to this position with over 12 years' of parliamentary experience behind me.
I began as a local member for Richmond, then I became a Parliamentary Secretary, Minister, Deputy Leader, and it's been my privilege to serve as Premier for the last year and a half now.
I have learned at every stage firsthand the grit and ingenuity that's required to make the changes that Victorians have voted for.
To run for office with no qualifications whatsoever, well, that's just not something I can imagine.
Well, it's certainly going to be an interesting campaign.
Premier Kate Ballard, thank you very much for your time.
Thanks, Jon.
Now a quick traffic check.
Some No qualifications whatsoever? Jeez, I love it when a career politician, 15 years in the one bloody building, calls me unqualified.
David, it's fine.
See her chipping away for years at things.
I pick up the phone.
Two phone calls.
Job done.
We always knew they were gonna hammer the inexperience thing.
Now, these are briefing notes.
Responses to everything they're gonna say, from inexperience, to single fatherhood, to the 2006 sexism controversy.
The chicken wing comment? It's covered.
60% still call it "very amusing".
Now, I've had three of the best PR minds working on this for four months, and I can assure you we are covered for everything.
Well, you're never covered for everything, are you? Covered for all but the most inconceivable curveball.
Well .
.
we'll see, won't we? Follow me, please.
Bring your phone.
I've just got a text message from an unidentified number.
Could you call it for me? 0499 209 947.
If they answer, just say, "Wrong number," hang up.
"Hi, this is David McLeod.
Leave me a message.
" It's David.
Message bank.
What did the text say? It said, "Nice interview.
"Don't you think we should meet up?"