Pennyworth (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1 Good afternoon.
You're on my land.
- Yes, pet, I know.
- Oh, do you? Well, clear off with you, then.
- And what if I don't? - Ah.
Another one of these bloody animal rights oiks, are we? No.
Animals don't have rights.
Steady, boy.
Nobody has rights, really, do they? It's every bugger for himself as far as I can see.
Are you mad? Do you know who I am?! I should hope so, duck.
If you're not Lord Longbrass, I'm in for a right bollocking.
Are you? Are you?! - Yes.
- Yeah.
Not so chuffy now.
- Who are you? - I'm nobody, me.
You have been a bad boy.
You've to come with us.
No.
No.
No! Ah! Let go! It's my day off.
I could be at home with my feet up.
Gaffer says no, it's job on.
We've to come out here, roadworks all the bloody way, to fetch you.
Now, don't you be giving me any trouble, or I'll be vexed.
Never mind the petrol money.
Will they reimburse me? Will they heck.
Sláinte you bastard.
It's only Johnnie Walker, sorry.
He's the second chap to kill himself this year.
What? I thought it was a car crash.
Broad daylight.
A lamppost.
Best driver in the regiment.
Bollocks.
You see, when I go, save me a drop of the good stuff, eh? None of this cheap shite.
Sometimes I wish I was back in the jungle.
Oh, give over, Daveboy.
There's a whole world out there for us.
We're free men.
You've been watching too much telly.
You're doing well, then, are you, Alfie? Yeah.
Can't grumble, Bazza.
I've started up a security firm.
Business cards and all that.
It's early days.
Dear boy, you are way too softhearted to be a businessman.
Hey, I can be hard when I need to be.
You remember those Malaysian pirates? Yeah, fair play.
Th-They were good lads.
Too soft, Alfie.
You'll be eaten up.
Yeah, well, we'll see, won't we? Tossers.
Wake up, brothers and sisters! The beast of discord is coming to bathe in our blood! Brother will fight with brother! Father will fight with son! Your houses will burn! - Evening.
Uh, may I? - Uh, sure.
Thank you.
My apologies.
- Thank you.
- Good evening.
Good evening.
Pennyworth, you're opening the door too abruptly.
We open like so.
With discreet panache.
- Discreet panache it is, sir.
- Anyway, I need you downstairs.
You went back to what you knew So far removed From all that we went through We just got here.
I'm not leaving.
Finish up your drink She says she doesn't want to leave.
Are you deaf, mate? No, my hearing's 100%, actually.
- Now, Patricia, get up.
We're leaving.
- No.
Good evening, madam.
Gentlemen having a pleasant evening? Sir, this woman here is my sister, and these gentlemen are Well, I don't know who they are or what their agenda is, but she's drunk, and I would like to take her - to a safe place.
- Jesus, Tommy.
You followed me all the way to goddamn Europe? What kind of a weird fascist are you? I am here on business, Patricia.
Aren't you all grown up.
I don't know this man.
You can go.
That true, miss? He's your brother? And what if he is? Well, there's nothing more important than family, is there? Apart from your health, of course.
Right, lads? A lot of front for a door monkey.
Don't be like that.
You've got to have your health, haven't you? Exercise, fresh air.
That's the thing.
A good long walk.
Ah.
My apologies.
You either come with me - or take ahold of yourself.
- Let me go.
Help.
- Some help, please, someone.
- 'Cause you're drunk.
- No.
- You're embarrassing me.
- No.
- No need to embarrass Oh! Patricia! Control yourself.
You've hit the man.
Taxi.
No, please don't cry, we're getting you out of here.
- I'm sorry.
- You're coming home.
Stop crying.
- I'm fine.
- You are embarrassing me.
In London, in public.
- I'm sorry.
- Get in, please.
Behave.
I am so sorry.
I didn't get your name.
Uh, Pennyworth, sir.
Alfred Pennyworth.
Thank you so much for your assistance, Alfred.
I apologize for my sister's behavior.
I hope you're not too seriously hurt.
No, I'm fine, sir.
Thank you.
You're bleeding.
Oh, really? Yes.
Uh, I Fudge.
Out of cards.
Um let me give you my phone number.
If you have any medical expenses or any other issues, then please call me.
I accept full liability.
And, um, no need to involve the lawyers.
It was a pleasure meeting you, Albert.
Uh, Mr.
Wayne.
My card.
Pennyworth Security.
Fantastic.
Thank you, Albert.
Leave me alone.
- Your drunkenness is very embarrassing.
- I don't know you.
- Who the fuck are you? - We're in London.
Need a hanky? Oh.
Thank you.
Did someone hit you? Oh, Thursday night is always a bit naughty.
Usually I duck.
Alfred.
Esme.
Has it stopped? Yes.
I'll, um I'll have this cleaned.
Thank you.
I'll get it back to you Saturday, if you'd like.
I don't work Saturdays.
Me neither.
We could meet in the park.
It's gonna be a nice day.
That's rather forward of you.
No.
I saw the weather forecast.
Sunshine.
At Downing Street today, the prime minister asked the general public to help in the unexplained disappearance of Lord Rupert Longbrass.
Rupert is a dear friend and valued colleague.
We are deeply concerned, - and we are praying for his safe return.
- Jesus, the bloke.
We are confident Scotland Yard will get to the bottom of this.
What a fucking mongoose.
Fuck-Fucking Rupert Longbrass.
Fucking Raven Society.
Fuck the No-Names.
What is the Raven Society? What's a No-Name? Don't you worry your pretty head, my dear.
Don't be bloody patronizing.
Rupert is a banker.
Looks after money for the Raven Society.
They're lunatics who want to overthrow the government and set up a fascist utopia.
The No-Name League are fools who want to overthrow the government and set up a socialist utopia.
- Why don't you arrest them all? - No.
No, no, no, no.
We allow them to continue so long as they don't make too much noise.
And Rupert's abduction is far too noisy.
Maybe he ran away abroad, or jumped in the sea, or off the bridge.
No.
No such luck.
No, some hidden springs are winding.
Dark wheels are turning.
Oh.
My dear friend.
I am deeply saddened to see you in such circumstances.
Why, Rupert? Why did you betray us? Go to hell, Harwood.
We have people close to you.
Very close.
So we know that you talked to someone about our plan, but we don't know who.
So that's why we're here.
I need a name.
And I, I need to understand did you just become afraid? Not for myself.
Afraid for my country, of what you'll do if given the chance.
Well, you were wrong to be afraid.
We have glorious days ahead of us.
Here we are.
In this room.
I wasn't wrong.
Who did you talk to? Give me a name.
Hmm? Daveboy.
Bazza.
Everyone all right? - Aye.
- Yeah.
You? Yeah.
Look.
We'll have a brew and then we'll head for the river.
Get her going then, Daveboy.
Eh? How come it's always me that's got to make the tea? - I'm not your fecking gran.
- Go on.
Tastes better when you make it.
Aye.
Uh, that's because I spunk in it, Spanish reminds you of your dad.
Oh, yeah? Well, at least I know who my dad is.
Hey, sit down, Spanish.
- Blood? - Yes, Mum.
This belongs to a woman.
Yes, Mum.
And so the sordid debauchery begins.
Whose blood is it? Don't worry; it's mine.
- Oh, that's all right, then.
- What can you expect? Out all hours wrestling yobbos.
I'm not It's a business, I'm starting a business.
Business.
Where's your capital? Where's your staff? Where's your profits? - You're a bouncer.
- Security consultant.
Your family name and war record, you could find a very nice position in a good household.
Chauffeur, head footman.
World's your oyster.
Do right, you're a butler before you're 40.
But no.
I want to be my own man.
Meaning I'm not? I didn't say that.
Nobody's their own man, son.
Not me, not you, nobody.
- Times change.
- No, they don't.
Oh, hush up, the pair of you.
You'll be giving me the migraine.
Who's this woman, then? What woman? Here you are, then.
Here I am.
Oh.
Thank you.
So, dancing, eh? - That must be a lark.
- Oh, not really.
We're just writhing about; it's frightfully vulgar.
Ah.
Looks good to me.
Well, it pays the rent.
I won't be dependent on my father.
Just your old man, is it? My mother died when I was young.
- Oh.
- She was a dancer, too.
Well, I started off at Sadler's Wells, and, um, well, then I got too hippy.
I'm an actress now.
Well, actor.
Trying to be.
Oh.
That's why you talk like that.
Like what? Well, I thought you was acting la-di-da 'cause dancers, they don't need to talk posh, do they? But acting that's different.
Part of the job, innit? I'm not talking posh.
This is my normal accent.
And it's a bloody good one.
So, you're an actress, then? Yeah, just silly things, so far.
But, um, I'm in a play at the moment, actually, - which might be quite good.
- Oh.
Well, the part's good, anyway.
It's just in some grotty little pub theater, - but you never know.
- I like a good play.
What's that one with the, um pirate and the crocodile? - Peter Pan? - Yeah, that's the one.
I saw it in the army.
The crocodile, he's always creeping up on people.
"Behind you!" You'd swear it was a real animal.
It's a bloody good show.
You were in the army? Ten years.
I'm against all that.
Against all what? Wars.
Army, killing.
The whole grotesque charade.
Have you ever you know? Now and then.
You've killed people? Came with the job.
How could you? Didn't it bother you? Still does.
When my sergeant major gave me my first gun, he said, "This is not your gun.
"This is the queen's gun.
And these bullets, they're the queen's bullets.
" I was working for the queen.
Makes it all right, do you see? No.
No, not really.
Well I'll have no more to do with it now.
Violence.
No more.
Peaceful life for me.
You've no worries there.
You do seem like a gentle man.
So go on, then.
Give us some of your play.
- Oh, God, no.
- Oh, go on, please.
- No, no, no.
Really, no.
- Well, what's your character called? "The sister.
" The sister.
Big part, is it? You're blind, Johnny.
Blind.
You don't see me, damn you.
You see only a mask.
A glittering, mirrored mask of your own dark, polluted soul.
- Oh, steady on.
- "Don't cry.
" Don't cry? Fuck you, Johnny.
I would drown you in my tears if I could.
I would kill you.
Anyway.
It's just something like that.
No crocodiles, then? No.
No animals at all, I'm afraid.
Well, that was very good.
I was scared.
Thank you.
Hello, love.
Would you like a boiled sweet? I saw your last varsity match.
Took four wickets.
Quite the glamour boy.
All the women were madly in love.
We often wondered why you married Philippa.
A barren marriage, is it not? What a terribly bleak phrase that is.
Leaves a hole, I'd imagine.
Emotionally.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's Philippa who has the problem, not you.
You're perfectly capable of siring children.
No.
No? You're not? Hmm.
Perhaps we've been given some faulty information.
Sykes, come in! Good day to you, young man.
Now, don't be afraid.
No one wants to hurt you.
But this is a matter of national importance.
So I'm going to ask you to be totally honest with me.
What's your name? Martin, sir.
Martin Falconer.
What's your father's name? You're a bastard, aren't you? Yes, sir.
I-I am.
My father's a very important man.
I'm not He's not at liberty to acknowledge Stop.
Yes, thank you, Martin.
That's enough.
You're a very brave boy and you've done your country a great service.
Thank you, Sykes.
Fine young man.
You must be very proud.
Give me the name.
Thomas Wayne.
Hmm.
Hello, Mother.
Yes, I put her on the plane about three hours ago.
She was spitting mad, but sober at least.
My work is going fine, thank you.
I believe that I might've uncovered a large fraud.
In fact, I'm working on it right now, so maybe I should just Oh? Did she? Well, send her my regards.
No, Mother.
Just my regards.
Go and tell those useless buggers they missed.
He's away.
Bloody idiots.
I'm nervous about meeting your parents.
Are you? - No.
- I am.
Why do you like me? What sort of question's that? Jolly easy one, I should think.
You make me feel like anything is possible.
Good answer.
- Just in time.
- Well, I was gonna say I like your boobs, but I thought better of it.
I'm learning, see? Fair play.
Now you.
You're very alive.
Well, that's not saying much, is it? "Alive"? You could leave me for that potted plant.
No, seriously.
Sometimes, I don't feel very alive.
You bring me back to life.
That's the best thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's very nice to meet you at last, Esme.
Where did you get those earrings? They're very unusual.
Oh, thank you, Mrs.
Pennyworth uh, Mary.
Um, they're from India.
Oh.
Alfred was in India, weren't you? Brought me back a lovely tablecloth.
Didn't tell me that.
He won medals there.
- Nish, Mum.
- Well, you did.
He's so modest.
Never talks about what he did.
Rules, Mum.
Esme, what, what does your father do? He's a vicar, Mr.
Pennyworth.
Well, more of a dean, of Salisbury.
Ah.
More of a dean.
Of Salisbury.
More beef, Esme? No, thank you, Mary.
It's ever so scrumptious, though.
What does your father think of your acting career? Don't mind him, Esme, he'll be rude if he likes.
It's a perfectly polite question, love.
Acting's a respectable profession nowadays.
Uh, my father doesn't approve, Mr.
Pennyworth.
But he's willing to let me try.
He believes that young people should have adventures.
Good for him, eh? Adventures.
He approves of Alfred, then, does he? I'm sure he'll like Alfred very much.
Oh, he's not met him? But you think he'll like him? Good.
Oh, I'm sure they'll have a great deal to talk about.
My word, yes.
A great deal.
I think you've had enough sherry, Dad.
Who's to say? Who's to say? So sorry, Esme.
It's quite all right.
Listen Don't apologize.
You have a wonderful family.
You should be very proud of them.
No, I wasn't gonna apologize.
I am proud of them.
I was just gonna say I'm not my family.
I'm not my dad.
You know, uh, they're a part of me, yeah, but they're not all of me.
And you're not just a vicar's daughter, either, are you? No.
No, I'm not.
But it made me think about us.
Yeah, I was thinking, too.
As soon as I get my first good contract, we should rent a flat.
We'll move in together.
Ez? Alfred, I love you so much.
And I wish, I-I wish we could just go away and live on a desert island together, but we can't.
We're here.
What's wrong with here? One day, I want to be married.
And I want to have a nice little house with a garden and children and a dog and all of that.
We can have that.
Alfred, you work in a nightclub.
I have plans.
You know I have.
Well, what's our future? Where is this going? How are we going to live? What if we end up poor, squabbling - in some squalid little flat - Look, I'm gonna make something of myself, Ez.
I am.
I know you are.
Well, I hope you are.
I think we both come from different worlds, and I think it's too difficult.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to go.
Alfie! Alfie! Alfie! Esme! Alfie! Call us when you've got Thomas Wayne.
We'll do a swap.
You've got till tomorrow.
Who's Thomas Wayne? There's been a kidnapping.
- Is that right, sir? - My girlfriend, Esme Winikus.
Uh, she was took by a blond lady in a gray car, no plates, took her off the street.
Slow down, son.
- Have you been drinking? - No.
Here.
They left a note.
Look.
One moment, sir.
Yeah.
Oi? Hello? Hello? What you playing at? Old Bill can't help you.
Fetch Thomas Wayne like I told you.
I don't know who he is.
For Esme's sake, I hope you're lying.
What a smasher she is, eh? - Skin like silk.
- I swear to God Bring us the yank.
The yank? What's wrong? Nothing, Mum.
Business.
Oh, that's good.
Business is good, isn't it? I'll put the kettle on, then.
The service requested is not available.
Please replace You watch.
The bitch will miss that gate.
Mr.
Batley? I'm gonna say a name.
And you are gonna tell us everything you know about that name.
Understand? Thomas Wayne.
Renting Wexdale Farm.
I put in high-voltage cabling, he didn't say what for.
Paid in cash, quick as you like.
Nice chap.
Yank.
Thanks for your time.
Cheers.
No.
You all right? Magic.
Auld lang syne, eh? Daveboy, you understand that we're not here to blot anyone? Oh, aye.
Aye, understood.
Piece of cake, Alfie.
No dogs, no sentries.
Hands on your head, now! You're Thomas Wayne? No.
I am Thomas Wayne.
- Anyone else here? - No.
Where's your phone? Uh Well, whatever you're being paid, I am willing and able to pay far more.
Name a price.
- Quiet.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, h-hold on, now.
He said "name a price.
" Hush.
- Hello.
- I have him.
Smashing.
Meet us at Wormwood Scrubs, east gates - in two hours.
- No, I need more time.
Make it dawn.
Dawn, then.
Now let me speak to Esme.
Sorry, duck.
It's more than my job's worth.
And if you're thinking of any skullduggery, think on.
Tell me everything you know about these people who want you.
I don't know who they are.
You're the doorman from that nightclub, aren't you? Excuse my memory.
- What was your name? - Never you mind.
Talk.
I'm a financial forensics analyst.
I recently discovered a banking fraud, a-a large, illicit transfer of money evidently connected to some far-reaching criminal conspiracy.
I don't know who the conspirators are yet, but they have already tried to kill me.
I assume Esme is somebody very close to you, so I can't appeal to your compassion or your avarice, but I do appeal to your reason.
If they kill me, they have to kill you.
They can't afford to have any loose ends.
The stakes are too high.
There will be no "exchange.
" That's possible.
If you have some alternative plan, I'm happy to listen.
I am not qualified to formulate such a plan.
No.
I can't think of anything either.
You, Bazza? Nothing comes to mind.
Um, you're not gonna ask my opinion, no? Fair play.
You got a better plan? No.
I might've though.
It's the principle.
Cheer up, pet.
Shall I make you a nice cupper and a biscuit? It'll sort you right out.
I didn't do anything.
I don't know anything.
Please don't hurt me.
Relax.
I won't bite.
We've other staff for that.
Hey, your boyfriend, he's a right character, isn't he? He thinks you've got gold knickers on, that one.
Is Esme your wife? No.
Girlfriend? Well, as it happens, she dumped me about a minute before your friends took her.
Well, why would she do that? Not good enough for her.
Well, perhaps you're better off without her.
Perhaps you're selling our lives for an unworthy woman.
Uh, you'll, you'll forgive my bluntness.
I don't want to die.
Married, are you? No.
Wait, I don't want to know.
I'm not.
Well, good.
I ask one favor.
In the unlikely event that you survive me, please tell my parents that I faced death honorably.
Really? That's what you want to say? Why not? Well, it's your shout, mate.
I'll do my best to keep you alive, but if things go pear-shaped, I'll tell them that.
And it's true.
You've been very decent about all this.
My name's Alfred Pennyworth, by the way.
Well, Mr.
Pennyworth, I urge you to reconsider.
Everyone in the car, step out with your hands raised.
Let me see Esme! She's not there.
Step out of the car with your hands raised.
I told you.
Not until I see her.
Step out of the car.
Do it now! Okay.
Okay.
We're coming.
Get down on the floor and brace yourself.
Hear tell you're a dancer, are you? - Speak up.
- Yes.
Any good? Not really.
Go on.
I'll bet you're a right cracker, innit you? I love dancing, me.
Hello? Your team is all fucked.
This is completely bloody unnecessary! Bet some of these lads have wives and children.
Oh, I know.
Bless.
What do you want to do now? Start again.
Same deal.
Wayne for Esme.
Only this time, don't fuck about.
If you do, Wayne goes to the U.
S.
Embassy.
Where and when? Let me speak to Esme.
There's no deal if I don't speak to her.
Hello? Esme, are you all right? No.
- Have they hurt you? - No.
Okay.
Look, everything's gonna be all right.
- I'm coming to get you.
- Yes.
Please.
No one's gonna hurt you.
It's just a misunderstand Where and when? Camden Town tube station.
6:00 this evening.
Well, holy moly, guys, can't you see? They're going to do the exact same thing again.
- She won't be there.
- Oh.
You don't think so? I can assure you.
She will not be there.
Oh, we're safe now, boys.
Fucking Napoleon's here.
Lads? One of you is taking us to Esme sharpish, or there'll be serious grief.
I'm not messing about.
I mean it.
Alfie, man.
Step over here.
Step over here.
Right.
You heard the man.
Now which one of you two grizzling bastards wants to live? Fuck you! Jesus.
Why'd you do that? That was a convincer.
Now your man's convinced, isn't he? Aren't you? Harwood House.
Sussex.
In the basement.
See? No bother.
We're not bloody animals.
Oh, fuck.
Alfred, was that wrong? Well, I just did it.
That's me, eh? Something's gotten hold of my heart Keeping my soul and my senses apart Something's gotten into my life Cutting its way through my dreams like a knife Turning me up Turning me down Making me smile And making me frown Bitch! You! Help! Help! I'm being held captive! Very sorry, Your Lordship, sir.
- Won't happen again.
- Take her back downstairs.
Tell Mr.
Parslow to take charge of her.
And you go home.
Immediately.
Your incompetence will be dealt with tomorrow.
Sir.
I'm sorry about the intrusion, ladies and gentlemen.
My work for the country is honorable and necessary.
Sometimes ugly.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to cut the evening short.
Thank you for coming.
Mr.
Aziz, sir.
All of them are wearing these.
Raven Society.
Just our ruddy luck.
Be a dear.
Call the Downing Street wallahs and tell them we have a problem.
If you don't hear from me in one hour, then you take him to the American Embassy.
If the swap's still on, I'll call the phone box.
Three rings means bring him in.
Righto.
And no coming in after me unless I ring three times.
- That's an order.
- See him.
- When were you promoted? - An order.
- If I may, sir - No, you may not.
- Okay.
- One hour.
Then go to the embassy.
Hello.
You will be Miss Winikus.
What are you going to do? Oh, I don't decide what I do.
That's what the governor does.
Sit down there, will you please, miss? Sit.
Good evening, madam.
Tell me, where would I find the young lady captive? If you please? Thanks.
You might gorge on this dairy product.
Seven letters, ending in "R.
" Please.
Please, I beg of you, just let me go.
I do understand your frustration, miss.
There's a proper hoo-ha upstairs.
We'll get started soon as they sort it out.
Fuck off and die.
Cheddar.
Thank you for coming, Alfred.
My name is Lord Harwood.
How do you do? Have you heard of the Raven Society? You run a gang of herberts with guns.
The Old Bill are scared of you.
You're some kind of secret gestapo.
Not at all.
We have no silly Gothic regalia or skulls.
Just dedicated patriots with no need for public acclaim.
And you're the top man, are you? A simple foot soldier.
If I don't call my colleagues inside the next ten minutes, they're coming in.
Well, unless you have a battalion of colleagues, I rather fancy that we'll survive.
Please understand, I wish neither you nor Esme any harm.
All I want is Thomas Wayne.
Or rather, his silence.
And I will have it.
With your help or without.
So why are we talking then? Your army report states that you're a quartermaster in the Catering Corps.
That's not strictly true, is it? The army never lies.
SAS, I presume? Hmm? - You tell me.
- I think you know, Alfred, that this great nation of ours is at war with itself.
The forces of order and virtue battling - extreme evil.
- Still mustn't grumble.
You know what this country needs? Love.
Only the love of true patriots can pull this country out of the vile quagmire of immorality and corruption and sin into which it has fallen.
And the battle begins very soon.
- What battle? - Well I speak figuratively.
Technically, you'd have to call it a coup d'état.
What do you think of that? As a rule, if you have to use French words for something, I don't like it.
We will take back this country from the corrupt weaklings in the name of the queen and of strong British patriots.
Does the queen know? No.
Not yet.
But if Her Majesty does not wish for the moral rebirth of this country, then there are many in the royal family who certainly do.
We will succeed.
But the struggle will be hard and cruel, as all noble struggles are.
We'll need men like you.
- Strong men.
- You're offering me a job.
No.
A mission.
And what would I be doing, exactly? Radical change inevitably requires a degree of physical force.
Violence, you mean? Well, that is your métier, is it not? There you go again.
That was foreigners, for the queen.
You're talking about British people? Traitors.
Criminals and deviants.
You bring me Thomas Wayne to prove your commitment, Esme's released, scot-free.
I'll bring you Wayne, and I'll join your society, but you let Esme go first.
And lose my only bargaining chip? I don't think so.
Well, what's to stop you topping us all as soon as you have Wayne? What have I just been saying to you? You are far too important a person to be topped willy-nilly.
I need you.
Your country needs you.
Make the call, Alfred.
When your friends bring back Wayne, Esme will be released.
Call them.
Call them.
Damn it.
Wait.
I'll get out here.
Uh, Davey, you heard him, there's no going in after.
I'm not deaf, am I? It's your awful driving, Bazza, makes me sick.
I'd sooner walk.
It's a long way home, Daveboy.
Uh, well, you know me, always up for a good tab.
Jesus.
If shite occurs, and you're playing "Lili Marlene" for me, make mine an Islay single malt.
Not too peaty.
What is he doing? Being Celtic.
I'm waiting, Alfred.
Lovely color, this brandy.
Now, I don't like doing violence and I don't like you, mate.
I strongly suspect that you're gonna tuck us up.
In fact, I know you will.
It's a shame.
Your trust I could've earned, but a squeamish soldier is not something I can use.
Pity.
You're a good man, and Esme deserves none of this.
Hi.
Uh, good evening, gentlemen.
Give me a damage report.
Alfie! It's me! Daveboy! Saving your sassenach arse again! Ah! You pig! Sorry about your friends, but it's a war and there will be bloodshed.
Yeah.
That's true.
Drop it.
Where are the keys? Thanks.
Think about what you're doing, Alfred.
Davey.
Where's the yank, - you daft bastard? - He's safe.
Don't worry.
You shot a granny? Alfred! Turn away.
Esme.
You all right? No.
I want to go home.
Good morning, madam.
Gentlemen.
Detective Inspector Aziz, Scotland Yard.
Come with me.
It's all right.
Spot of bother? Hello again.
Hello.
Where's Esme, then? I don't know.
Get away, you just rescued her.
Where is she? - She left me.
- Oh.
There's gratitude, eh? Little minx.
Now I'm sorry, miss, I don't know your name.
Whatever it is that you want, I will try and sort it out, but you don't need to bring my mum and dad into it.
No.
I don't.
But that's just me.
Vindictive.
Bloody deviant.
Don't talk to her, Alfred.
Now then, be nice, and mind you don't keep creeping towards me like that, or I'll have your mum's guts all over this nice settee.
I like your mum.
She's got gumption.
- Haven't you? - You're not well, love.
You need doctors.
Cheek.
I'm fit as a fiddle, me.
It's you looks a bit peaky.
- Where's Esme? - Honestly, I don't know.
I wish I did.
Tell them to go away.
Go away! Alfie, it's me.
- Hmm.
- Alfie? We need to talk.
Anyone opens their gob, shoot Mum.
Alfie, please just come and talk to me.
Alfie? Alfie? Hello, pet.
You can stop worrying.
There she is.
Oh, I thought you'd left him.
I told her.
I said, "That lad thinks you've got gold knickers on.
" Put that gun in his ear.
Yeah, it's okay, it's okay.
Last time I saw this lass, she made me look a right clown.
Didn't you, eh? Why? Why? I was nice to you, wasn't I? I could've done all sorts, but I didn't, - did I? - I apologize.
Apology not accepted.
I hate snobby cows like you.
All the same.
Show a bit of kindness, and they treat you like dirt.
Miss, can I ask you something? Shut it, you! I'm not dirt, Esme.
I'm a human being like you.
I've got feelings.
I see that now.
Oh, so she sees it now.
So you admit you thought I was dirt before.
No.
No, I never thought that.
You little liar.
- Please don't do that.
- Or else what? Mind that, love.
Come.
Prime Minister, the American ambassador's on the phone.
Thank you, Roger.
Hank, how splendid to hear from you.
Oh, thank you so much, Hank.
It's most kind of you to cry cavey.
We know all about that little situation, and we've taken care of it.
Yes.
A storm in a teacup.
Mm.
Well, a few disgruntled civil servants will lose their pensions, no doubt.
But otherwise, no harm, no foul.
Cheerio.
Dear me, James.
Here's a pickle, eh? How are we going to keep this quiet? I've been promoted to a permanent posting.
If I have any security needs, I thought perhaps you and I could come to some kind of arrangement.
An annual contract perhaps.
Well, that's very amiable of you.
I thought you'd resent me, abducting you and that.
No.
No hard feelings.
Just the highest respect for your competence.
Your business jolly near got us killed.
She's not wrong.
What is your business exactly? The company I work for works for the government of the United States of America, under the strictest standards of honor and justice.
Ah.
You're a hat job.
- Pardon? - A spook.
A foreign intelligence officer.
CIA? Well, I can assure you, I am nothing of the sort.
Swear on your mum.
My mother is not germane here.
I am not a hat job.
Right.
Well, I can see your mind is made up.
I shan't keep you.
Though, I must tell you, I'm not easily discouraged.
I will be back.
Thank you for your warning, Mr.
Wayne.
But Alfie doesn't need a job.
He'll have plenty of business opportunities once he gets his medal.
He's going to be a national hero.
I'll see you out, shall I? I won't bite.
I'm very grateful to you, Alfred.
Deeply grateful.
Promise me one thing.
Of course, Your Majesty.
Anything.
Promise me your silence.
Were it known, this terrible episode would shake the nation.
You must never tell a soul what you did for your country.
Never, ma'am.
Not a soul.
I promise.
My dear, loyal friend, I fear dark times lay ahead, and loyalties will be tested.
I'll be back! I'll be back!