Pickle & Peanut (2015) s01e01 Episode Script

1 Sharks, swords, yogurt, kicks fries, smart phones, hot tubs, yeah Shades, bagels, grills, airbrush, crome, blankets, mopeds, yes Drop top, laptop, breath mints, scars Kittens, drive thru, fresh, tight pants, wide screens, tacos, wheelies freestyle, thrift stores, mini trampolines They call him Peanut They call him Peanut They call him Peanut [dog barking.]
Attention, Mjart Mart employees.
I need a clean-up on aisle one.
Two.
One, two.
One, two, one, two.
[beat boxing.]
Wah, wah, wah.
[beat boxing.]
Kitty litter, two for one.
[beat boxing.]
Mjart Mart! - Pickle, I think we're ready.
- For a bathroom break? No, man.
For a bigger audience, while we rock our party jams.
[electronic feedback whines loudly.]
Attention, Mjart Mart.
Will Pickle and Peanut please report to cereal aisle? Mr.
Mjart needs us.
Get your butt on the belt.
It's time for turbo reverse.
Whoo! At ease, boys.
Today, we are trying out a new cereal.
Spoonicorn cereal Jam some in your mouth hole I need you guys to pass these samples out by end of day.
Don't worry your pretty little face; we got it.
I love you like sons.
I could kiss you on the lips, but I won't.
Whoosh! Standing in place handing out cups of cereal sounds like fun.
No, it doesn't.
I have a better plan.
Super drenchers.
Mix, mix, mix, mix, mix.
Old lady carts.
[screeching.]
Flair! Spoonicorn! You think that's awesome? At my party tonight, I might bench press a washing machine.
[laughs.]
Hey, Laser, you havin' a party? How 'bout we come by and drop some def beats? Oh, some def beats.
Great id [blows raspberry.]
Boosh! Action, action, action.
[goofy laughter.]
I punched their bodies.
[crying.]
Aw, Pickle, wait up.
[Pickle sobbing.]
Hey, hey, come on, MC Murder Lips.
Tuck those tears away.
This zit cream is makin' me feel all tingly and weirdo.
I don't feel nothin'.
Oh, my gosh, you're so beautiful.
[buzzer sounds.]
Awww! Wait a minute, wait a minute.
That zit wasn't on my butt this morning.
- Whoa! - Whoa! Hey, little buddy, what's your name? - Greg.
- I'm a mom! Oh, my gosh! First, we're gonna pick dandelions at Jason's house.
Then we're gonna go skinny dipping at the old folks' home.
Does that sound like fun or what? Greg.
[laughing.]
Oh, who's your little friend? He's adorable.
We got a real lady magnet here.
Follow my lead.
This is Greg, everybody.
We pretty much taught him everything he knows about being awesome and partying.
In fact, you can't even call it a party if Greg's not there.
Why don't you show 'em your moves, Greg? Whoo, come on.
Hit it.
Make it bounce.
[all exclaiming.]
He's too cute.
Can I get a pic for the webnets? Duck face, duck face.
What what? What?! Friends.
Friendship bracelet, friendship bracelet.
[all.]
Aww! Uh, remember when I punched you into that zit cream, and you guys looked like a couple of slippery ghost wieners? I was wrong.
How about I let you guys perform at my party if you let me borrow Greg? Pickle, friendship tunnel.
Hey, this party could be our chance to show off our ill moves.
You sure? You know we can't trust Laser.
The guy's always makin' us look like a couple of dumb bags.
Let's just keep Greg and forget about that party.
No, man, this is our fast track to fame.
Let's see how Greg feels about this before we hand him over to that total psycho.
So what do you say, Greg? Greg.
Okay, Laser, we're in.
Time to iron your party pants.
We're gonna turn this dumper out.
Up top.
So once we're at the party, we raise the roof, and then, pump up the jams.
Hey, buddy, what is it? What's wrong? Let me into your secret garden.
I feel bad about giving up Greg.
I didn't think I'd miss him so much.
We'll give him back after the party.
Look we're not gonna be wild, free and dumb forever.
Someday we'll be old and fat and boring.
And someday, you'll be in traffic thinkin', "What if I'd done this and what if I'd done that?" We're not gonna live a life of what-ifs.
Together, we'll take on this crazy world because nothing is stronger than Wait a second.
Is that my jam comin' on the radio? And my mama goes boom shaka laka boom shaka laka, boom Boom shaka laka, boom shaka laka, boom [song continues faintly.]
Okay, man, let's get focused.
Tiger eyes.
Come on, man, those are your stinkin' baby bear eyes.
Geez Louise.
- Ah, thanks, man.
- Looks good.
Get off me! What, are you on a date? What's so great about Laser's parties anyway? Hi, boys.
Come on in.
Yoga pants, yoga pants, yoga pants.
[people laughing.]
Whoa! We're in! [imitating gunfire.]
Look, man, before we blow up this spot, let's split up and look for Greg.
That'd be really great.
Okay, but while we're at the party, - keep cool.
- [loudly.]
Greg!! - Sh.
Cooler.
- Greg! - Cooler.
- [whispering.]
Greg.
Perfect.
Okay, now go work your magic.
All right, I'm at a party, lookin' for Greg.
I've got my tiger eyes.
Hey, snacks.
Have you ladies seen my friend? He's about this tall, he has a drooly mouth.
Wanna make out? Face foot face! You have a foot face! Greg? Greg, you in here? Greg? Greg.
Huh? Greg? What the wha huh? Foot face.
You have a foot for a face.
Pickle, you have to see this.
I just met the most amazing foot face girl.
Let's honeymoon in Sacramento.
What the fart? Greg, Greg.
[distorted.]
Greg! Hey, Laser, that's my zit you're kicking.
Oh, I'm keeping Greg forever.
Duck face, duck face, duck face.
That's gonna get so many likes.
I think Laser needs a blast of Spoonicorn upside the head.
With extra zit sauce.
Science, science, chemistries, chemistries, magic, magic.
We're gonna party like this forever, pretty [imitating gunfire.]
[roaring .]
- Greg!! - Greg! Greg? My shirt it's dry clean only.
[ferociously.]
Greg!! Greg, uh-huh, he ate Laser, uh-huh [shrieks.]
Pickle, get back down here.
Greg has really strong fingers.
- This is all your fault.
- You're right, you're right.
Before I die, you should know something.
- What is it, pal? - What's up with the head band? You don't even know how to play tennis.
"Ooh, look at me.
I'm" Shut up, stupid.
I got an idea how to save your dumb life.
Beep-bop-boopa-beep.
Hey, man, it's Peanut.
I need a solid.
Look, Pickle's about to get eaten by a giant zit.
I got a plan to save him, but it's a two-man job, and I really need your help.
[laughter on TV.]
- Gotta go, babe.
- What about the pot roast? No time for pot roast, toots.
Campion horse.
Greg!! Ah, thank goodness you made it.
I need to get inside that store, but it's all locked up.
Here's my plan.
I need you to give me a boost into that vent.
Do you see it waaaaay [sirens wailing.]
Tell the foot-faced girl I said good-bye.
Hang on, baby bear.
[deep voice.]
Tiger eyes.
No, no, no, no, no! You mean you're not gonna kill me? 'Cause I'm sort of your mom.
You remembered.
Friendship bracelet, friendship bracelet.
[all.]
Awww! I only wish Peanut was here to share in all this love.
- Jam some in your face hole - Excitement, excitement.
[all.]
Ewww! Pickle, speak to me.
You saved my life.
Get that, back it up, get that, back it up Do you think Greg's gonna be okay? Oh, he'll be fine.
[grunts.]
Those guys destroyed my party.
[all booing.]
Hey, are those guys booing us? And I just saved everyone from that monster.
We actually ended up liking Greg, so everyone thinks you're a sack of butts.
However, I did score some digits, and she's got a sister.
Ladies can wait, man.
Now, we've got the big audience we always wanted.
And we're still wild, free and dumb.
[imitating gunfire.]
Let's flip on fresh mode and drop one of those sickening beats.
Boom wah wah wah wah wah.
[beat boxing.]
Peanut saved the day Greg's face is a puddle Now he's got a lady friend Whap whap whap, foot face, double date Pickle and Peanut Next episode is better [Pickle.]
Vitamins, ointment, powder, kitty litter.
Mam-mams, you must have a big baby at home, 'cause you're always buying these giant diapers.
Oh, Pickle, you're silly.
You know what? I'm always so happy to see you.
I might even give you a kiss if you weren't all wrinkly like a turtle.
You're precious.
Uh, Mam-mams, this is your 11th item, and the express lane is ten items or less.
Oh, come on, Pickle, be a sweetie bun-buns and let this one slide.
Oh, please.
Okay, but don't tell anyone our dirty little secret.
You're such a good, simple boy.
Your grandma must be proud.
She's dead.
Bye, sweetie bun-buns.
Excuse me, miss.
Impact, impact, impact.
- Whoa, wait! - Great job, Pickle.
You helped me stop this express lane rule-breaker.
She go to American jail now.
- [stammering.]
But, sir, but - Nyet, nyet, nyet.
No lady buts.
Keep up the great work, boys.
Looks like another granny goin' to the big house.
You're such a bad grandma, gonna put you in the slammer You're such a bad grandma, gonna put you in the slammer You did a dirty crime and you're gonna do the time.
What? Hey, Picks, isn't that your little old lady friend? Oh, man, jail? That sounds pretty intense.
Peanut, this is all my fault.
Don't worry.
It's probably just some old lady jail where they knit cupcakes and do pet therapy all day.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- Wrong! Old lady jail is the black heart of the devil himself, filled with the most hardcore grannies on the planet.
I should know, I just got out and barely survived.
I lost my ding-dang arm for bein' a snitch.
Oh, no! What did I do? [sobbing.]
Hey, hey.
Who needs a happy helmet? You have more boo-hoos than a ghost owl.
Hey, look, I just turned your frown upside down.
I'm a-feelin' one of my faintin' spells.
Look, man, maybe your old granny friend'll be fine.
No, she doesn't stand a chance.
And I was her sweetie bun-buns.
Pickle, old people are a dime a dozen.
They're all over the place.
Gotta make this right.
Okay, okay.
Oh, I got a plan.
You got that, warrior spirit? Warrior spirit, warrior spirit.
I think I'm ready.
Oh, excuse me, miss.
Are you still taking a nap, or can we help you? Nope.
Too rang-a-dang late.
You may have been hardcore on the outside, but as long as you're in this gray pit of despair, you're all mine.
Here's your new home.
If you're thirsty, there's the toilet.
Ca-caw, ca-caw.
Pickle, we're in.
Whooooo! - Pump it.
- Pop it.
No more wasting time.
We gotta look for Mam-mans.
Whoa, whoa, hold up.
We can't go out there like this.
Oh, it's the shawl, isn't it? I knew it was too much.
No, man, that shawl is a stunner.
In fact, if I was a grandpa, I'd be all, like, "Dang.
Give me a slice of that grandma cake.
" What is it then? We still stink like young boys.
But I got us covered.
I made this musk from mothballs, hard candy, and prune juice.
It's old lady tested and approved.
Oh, and help.
I'm trapped in a bubble.
I gotta say, granny jail ain't so bad, right? Hey, yeah.
Look at all this food.
Hm, let's see.
What am I in the mood for? Um, I think I'll try the vegetarian lasagna.
And we don't have to pay for this? [imitating gunfire.]
Hey, let's go check out the other amenities, huh? Whoa, look at this weight room.
Yeah, man, we're in prison now.
We can't walk around with a muffin top.
Gotta stay fit.
Are you ready? And begin.
And a-one.
[groaning.]
Huh? Ooh.
Hey, what is it, pal? What do you see? [sad music plays.]
You're a pretty girl, you're a pretty kitty.
- Mew.
- Meow? - Mew.
- Meow! - Mew.
- Mew, mew, mew.
[mewing continues.]
Oh, wow, and a giant yard? Aw, I should've brought my boomerang.
Hey, don't beat yourself up, man.
We can't lose focus.
Let's find your friend and get outta here.
Hey, fresh meat, you lookin' for your friend? Better warn her about Psycho Cyclops.
She's one stone cold mamma jamma.
Psycho Cyclops? I could punch grandma gut all day long.
Let's go play some bingo.
Mam-mams.
We gotta save her.
[both.]
Mam-mams, Mam-mams.
Come with us.
We're here to rescue you.
Whoa! [sniffing.]
Something don't smell right about these two ninnies.
Oh, no.
Our old lady stink is wearing off.
Mam-mams, this is Pickle and Peanut.
Run, run, save yourself.
Get outta here.
Save yourself.
Oh, you silly boys.
- I am the Psycho Cyclops.
- Oh, whoa! You two wieners got me thrown back into prison.
But, see, I'm the Queen Bee of this hive.
Oh, hey, Psycho.
Ain't that right, Lady Bees? All hail the Queen Bee.
Now you boys'll have to be my slaves.
Throw the dumper in the sweat box.
I've got plans for the pretty one.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There must be some mistake.
- Pickle!! - I thought I was the pretty one.
I can't believe Mam-mams would do this to me.
I was only trying to help her.
Now Peanut's probably dead, and I'll be stuck up in this sweat box forever.
Thanks again for these roast beef pajama pants, but I don't really understand [ferocious growling.]
[sobbing.]
Quit your ding-dang blubberin', boy.
You're the dead ghost lady from the store.
Who are you old crows? We are the mystic council of Great Grandmothers.
We know all the mysteries of life, death and banana bread.
If you wanna get out of here, - you need to find your inner grandma.
- Find my inner grandma? You need to find your inner grandma.
Find your inner grandma.
Help, help, I'm still trapped in this bubble.
I can't get out.
[all.]
Find your inner grandma.
Find your inner grandma.
Oh, somebody please help an old lady stuck in a bubble.
Find my inner grandma.
Find my inner grandma.
Grandma spirit, grandma spirit, grandma spirit! [howling.]
No, no, no.
My inner grandma's about to give you an old biddy beatdown.
Shoo, scoot.
Go git.
Dagnabit.
Bring the sting, Lady Bees.
[buzzing.]
Those old ladies are acting like bees.
They're gonna sting us.
Don't worry, I'll just go kick some granny glutes.
No, my old lady powers are fading.
Hey, don't worry.
Looky here.
Give me your big, dumb head.
Yuck.
Your belly's in my mouth.
Slappy helmet, slappy helmet, slappy helmet.
Payback, payback, payback.
Justice, justice, justice.
Young boy vengeance, vengeance, vengeance.
You boys may have taken out my Lady Bees, but now, taste the wrath of my yarn balls! Aaahh, balls! [evil laughter.]
[both crying.]
Those balls are gonna hurt so much.
What? Oh! Mew.
Meow.
[purring.]
Oh, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew.
Mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew, mew.
[mewing continues.]
Mew.
[playing gentle tune.]
Therapeutics, peutics, peutics.
Healing, healing, healing.
Hey, man, that was a real power move with that cat.
How'd you pull that off? Let's just say I did the old prison swap.
You know what I'm sayin'? The old prison swap.
Oh, pretty kitty.
Oh, you're a pretty girl.
The old prison swap.
Uh, uh, uh! Swing it back and forth, swing it back and forth Yeah, swing it back and forth Swing it back and forth, yeah It's the magic ghost grannies.
[all gasping.]
Pickle, we're all really proud of you.
You risked your own life and went to jail just to help a sweet old lady that you barely knew.
You summoned strength and courage to kick a bunch of grandmas in the teeth, - and help your weakling friend.
- Hey! You did all this with a noble heart and good intentions.
That's the makings of a ding-dang great grandmother.
Maybe even the greatest grandmother.
Honors, honors, honors.
Blessings, blessings, blessings.
[all cheering.]
Oh, here's something for your little friend.
What's this? Whoa, hey, five bucks.
Well, ladies, it's been real.
Keep your nose clean and don't get ambushed in the yard.
And where do you ladies think you're going? Oh, uh, there was a mistake.
We're actually just young boys on our way outta here.
We were just fakin' being old biddies.
[playing gentle tune.]
Oh, I'm so sorry.
My mistake.
Now get back in there before I rip your face off your butts.
Well, I'll say this about jail.
At least they have spacious showers.
You know what? That's a good point.
If we have to spend 25 to life in old lady jail, at least we're doin' it together.
That's pretty sweet, man.
If we weren't naked, I'd hug ya.
What's goin' on? Why are your arms up? - Happy helmet! - Get off me.
Gross! Help, help, I'm still trapped in this bubble.
Oh, somebody help me.
I'm a little old lady, and I'm in this bubble, I can't get out.
How's your ma? She's doin' pretty well How's your ma? Her ankles kinda swell How's your ma? I'd rather not tell - How's your ma? - Okay - How's your ma? - Okay How's your ma? Not so great, but she'll be better How's your ma? She's knitting me a sweater How's your ma? I don't think that you've even met her - How's your ma? - She's okay