Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Porn?
Ice cream.
Porn and Ice Cream
Fuck, you're so hot.
-What should we watch today?
-I found a MILF webpage. It looks cool.
No. Why would we watch that
when we can watch young chicks?
Pablo, that's gerontophobia.
-Wanna try sabayon?
-No! You and your old lady flavors.
What's your problem with old ladies?
Why don't we watch that German site
we saw the other day?
German porn freaks me out.
What if they're Nazis?
Of course they are, Ramón. They're German.
Not all Germans are Nazis, but the ones
on this page sure look like Nazis.
Why not some vintage porn?
Like from the 1970's?
That's creepy. What if they're dead?
-What the fuck?
-Pablo!
Don't worry. I spoke to the guy.
A transformer crashed. It'll be an hour.
-Okay. Bye, Pablo.
-No, wait, Ramón!
Let's do something. I don't wanna go home.
-What do you mean?
-I don't know. Let's go to a bar.
Go to a bar? We never go to bars.
What about that taxi driver's bar?
-No, that place is creepy.
-Come on. It's just an hour.
And lend me a sweater.
-Okay, but I'll take a shower first.
-Okay.
-Hey, Ceci
-Turn it off. This is Haroldo's.
You can't keep eating our food.
Who leaves a half-eaten chocolate bar
in the fridge anyway?
You have to pay the rent, Ceci.
Didn't I wire you the money?
No, Ceci. I asked you twice.
If money is so important to you
You also owe money to Haroldo.
He's had enough.
We gave him a room without a deposit.
Enough with that deposit shit.
You owe me 17,000 already.
Bring it down a notch. You are making
good money with the Uber thing.
Just because I'm Venezuelan
I'm an Uber driver?
You're not?
Not anymore. I'm a personal trainer now.
That explains the tights.
Where's my fig bar?
-Ceci!
-No wonder that's disgusting.
-Ceci!
-Next month, Haroldo's cousin
-is moving to Buenos Aires.
-Wilmar.
If you don't pay,
we'll give him your room.
Not cool!
I thought we were best friends.
Where am I from?
-Sorry?
-Where do I come from?
From
-From the South.
-No, I'm from Uruguay.
Tell your cousin to come sooner.
I'll find a new place. Don't worry.
Keep your private property,
your food, your money.
There's more to life than that.
That jacket is mine.
Can I borrow it, bestie?
BELIKA "OXFORD" BAR
SNACKS 24 HOURS
No, stop bothering me.
I've said no. Go home.
Look. I'm perfect.
I think I'll go home.
Pablo, I showered in the dark.
Okay. Fine.
GIN
It smells like someone died in here,
don't you think?
It smells like piss
Accumulated piss.
-Old piss.
-Yes.
A beer. Grab me a beer.
-I said no, Harry.
-Come on.
-Just one.
-Okay. It's the last one.
The last one. From this bottle.
-Grace! Get us some snacks!
-Come get them yourself.
Who's this cutie pie?
I can smell the perfume from here.
How do you do? I'm Ramón.
I live close, but I was afraid to come in.
No, don't worry about them.
The only one
you should be afraid of here is me.
What can I get you?
You didn't have
an uglier sweater to give me?
-It's cute!
-It's horrible.
Coffee? What a loser!
-You are.
-What?
You are a loser.
That's what I just said.
Come up with something else.
Nevermind.
Who are you?
-I thought you were someone else.
-You are drinking my gin.
Look! There're my friends!
Pretend we are friends.
-Is he looking?
-No, he fell asleep.
Thanks. You saved me.
What's up? I'm Pablo.
-Why are you winking at me?
-It's nothing.
-I'm Ramón.
-Cecilia.
I can't believe it!
-What?
-I went to school with him.
He was a loser. We always bullied him.
-Poor guy.
-Poor guy? He loved anime.
-He's hot.
-No, he's a loser. Look.
Hang on. I'll be right back.
This is amazing.
-Pablo?
-What's up, Otaku?
Otaku!
-You remember.
-Yeah.
-Sorry, I'm Nacho. Hi.
-I'm Ramón.
Cecilia.
So what's up? Still an anime fan?
Manga. Anime means they are animated.
Same thing.
No. Anyway, no, I'm not anymore.
I have a band now.
We play at Incestuous next Friday.
Incestuous?
-You know the place?
-No, I don't.
What are you doing here?
It's kind of weird, right?
It's cool. It gets better later.
It's too early.
Really?
-Yes.
-Cool.
Me and my band always rehearse
around the corner, but we never came in.
Well, they are my band.
-I didn't know you played.
-Sure.
Well, yeah, we haven't seen in years.
I didn't know you had one either.
That's true.
What kind of music do you play?
-I don't know what to say.
-I get it. I feel the same.
When they ask what music we play.
Is it rock? Well, it's not rock, but yeah.
-Totally.
-What do you play?
No. I don't play. I'm their manager.
Yes.
She's our manager.
-You guys have one?
-No, I take care of that.
Great. Look. I always carry these with me.
There you go.
They forgot to add "manager"
at the print shop. Give me a call.
Yes, she deals with the numbers.
Negotiations, booking gigs, tours
-Taxes.
-That's awesome.
So, I have to go. They're waiting for me.
I'll see you guys on Friday.
I'll put you on the list.
-Sure.
-We'll be there. Bye!
You're the best!
Manager. What a coincidence!
I'm not a manager.
-We are not musicians.
-I can see that.
And why is that?
What does he have that we don't?
He's super-hot?
He's sexy, has charisma.
You guys don't.
I can see you're different.
Not worse. Just different.
Thank you.
What do you do?
I work for an investment fund.
Basically, I help my clients
double their money.
You have savings?
I have a few dollars hidden at home.
In your sock drawer?
How did you know?
-Pablo, take out the trash.
-Not now.
I can't. I'm on house arrest.
Pablito, come see Björk at Stonehenge.
No, thanks.
To get that blurry effect, you wanna
draw circles on your cheekbone
with your brush.
Pablo, give me back my hair straightener!
Horacio?
What do you need, kid?
I have a very interesting
investment proposal for you.
I put 800 dollars and get
two other people to put 800 dollars
and a month later,
we'll all have 11,000 dollars.
Ramón, that's called a pyramid scheme.
No. It's called
a trust and friendship fund.
Look, few years ago, I got into something
similar called Fractal.
I was into LSD and it seemed
like a good idea at the time.
Long story short,
my wife doesn't speak to me anymore,
I can only see my son Nico once a month,
and I had a cornea transplant.
And the one thing I learned
on this journey called human experience
is not to stick the acid in your eyes.
It acts faster but it hurts.
I'll ask Jorge from Administration.
Yeah! Jorgito will buy that for sure.
Nicolás
Shall we buy some chocolate?
What's going on?
-We're going out.
-I can see that. Where to?
-We're going to the movies.
-Cool. What are you watching?
-They re-released Forrest Gump.
-I'll put on a bra and I'm ready.
But we only have two tickets.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-You've already seen it, right?
-Yeah.
It's the same, but in 3D.
-It's in 3D?
-Yeah.
3D makes me dizzy. I kind of hate it.
-You guys go.
-Okay.
-Let's go.
-See you.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Alone, alone, alone
One more night
In loneliness
In loneliness
-I forgot my
-Yeah.
wallet.
-Porn?
-Nope.
-You didn't bring ice cream?
-No, but I brought this.
-What, are you a musician now?
-No, I'll just say I am.
-It's empty.
-Why?
At school, we all made fun of Nacho.
And now that he's a musician, he's cool?
I don't even need a guitar.
Okay. Look.
I bought this shirt to wear
to Nacho's gig.
-No way I'm going to see Nacho.
-But we are on the list.
I want to wear my shirt.
Okay, I could bring the case.
-Let's go to the bar.
-We won't watch porn?
No. I'm done watching porn together.
We need to see porn live.
-You mean go to a film set?
-No, I mean live, with our own dicks.
Come to the bar with me.
I wanna show the case around.
Okay.
I thought my sweater was horrible.
-When did I say that?
-When you borrowed it.
No way. I love it.
-Hi, baby. You're back.
-Hi, Graciela.
-How are you?
-A guitar. Good for you!
See? It's working already.
-What can I get you?
-I'll have a latte.
RESTROOM
I need to pee. Get some beers.
No. I want a latte.
-You're such a loser.
-You are!
A latte and a beer.
-There's someone in there?
-Yes, there is.
Excuse me.
It's okay.
Musicians, right?
Always in the zone.
Thinking of tunes.
-Sure.
-In my band, we are all like that.
-Distracted.
-In your band?
Yeah.
-So you have a band?
-Yeah.
Sure. What kind of music do you play?
It's hard to explain, you know?
What is it? Do we play rock?
No, it's not rock, but yes.
-Rock.
-Yes.
Wanna get a beer?
-No, thanks.
-No.
Why?
Because I don't feel like it.
I don't know you.
Of course, we don't know each other.
That's dumb.
I'm Pablo. I'm a musician.
-Well, it's obvious.
-Right, you have a guitar.
Or maybe I have a gun.
And I'll start shooting everyone.
That's true. I haven't seen the guitar.
-It's a guitar. Really.
-It's a guitar.
Yeah, I have a guitar.
So, if you want,
I can give you my Instagram.
Yeah, sure.
Just because I like your sweater.
Melu, underscore, 666, demonized.
No spaces.
-What's up?
-Hi.
This side
or this side?
-The first one.
-Totally.
-Shall we go?
-Where?
-To Incestuous. Nacho is playing.
-No, I can't.
But we said we'd go.
I'm meeting Melanie,
the girl from the bar.
-What am I supposed to do?
-That's not my problem.
-I thought we'd hang out.
-Man, a good friend would be happy for me.
A good friend wouldn't cancel.
Since you're a musician, you're mean.
You know what?
We see each other all the time.
-We should take a break.
-I agree.
Me, too.
Of course you agree. It was your idea.
That's why I agree. It was my idea.
The cryptocurrency is digital currency
that is secured by a code
SCAMMED RAMÓN
A lot of people uses it
as savings, they put their money there
expecting its value would raise.
You can acquire them in the market or
Relax, with her meds,
she falls asleep in a second.
-Do we need to keep it down?
-No, she won't hear us. She's senile.
Yeah, and I bring people here
all the time.
-Okay, cool.
-Yeah.
-Why don't you take that
-No.
-She's my companion.
-"She"?
-Yeah.
-Does she have a name?
No, she doesn't,
but I like to have her close to me.
You're weird.
You're a musician, but you're weird.
100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700,
-There.
-Awesome.
Okay, I'll call you. Remember,
you need to bring in two other people.
Yes, I told Pablo.
But we're kind of
in the middle of a fight.
Sure.
-Okay.
-I'm very sad.
Yeah, it sucks.
I was really disappointed in him
as a person.
Maybe I had idealized him too much.
Ramón? Can I give you some advice?
I don't know you
and I don't mean to intrude,
but don't trust in people.
People are shit.
We are born alone, we die alone.
If you don't trust, you won't get hurt.
What about the trust and friendship fund?
No, that's cool.
-Thanks for helping me.
-You're welcome.
-Would you like
-What?
-to have some ice cream?
-Me?
I bought a lot and maybe you'd like some.
No, I have a lot of I'm very
-Sure, I'll have a scoop.
-Okay.
When I write songs,
I find inspiration in everyday life.
Art is everywhere, you know?
Tunes, harmonies
What I see inspires me.
That painting, this couch
Improvise a song.
Come on.
This bottle
Is beautiful
The way you look at me
Is so hot
I meant with the guitar.
No?
-Your grandma might wake up.
-No, she's sedated. Relax.
Wanna make out?
It's weird if you ask me like that.
What are you doing?
Hang on. Grandma?
Grandma?
-Play the song.
-Calm down.
-Breathe, Grandma.
-The song.
The What? The song!
-Grandma, breathe.
-Play it.
Calm down.
Grandma, calm down.
Breathe, look at me. Breathe.
That's it.
-Breathe.
-Osvaldo is here.
-What?
-No, no.
-He's not Grandpa.
-Tell her.
Sure he is. He brought his guitar.
-No
-No, Grandma. He's Pablo.
-A friend.
-Pablo.
She's right.
You look a lot like my Grandpa.
He used to play for me.
Osvaldo, play that song for me.
-No.
-What, you don't love me anymore?
Your heart is racing. Look at me.
-I don't know.
-Play something!
He played for me.
-I won't play
-Play something!
-No.
-Anything, Pablo.
-Why won't you sing?
-I'm not
Grandma Pablo!
-Play something for her!
-No, wait! No!
-Wait! No!
-She's dying!
I forgot my guitar. I forgot it.
-Why won't you sing to me?
-No.
Take me dancing.
Your voice is like an angel.
Play something. Anything!
-No!
-Play for her, Pablo!
-Play!
-I can't!
-What you were doing before.
-I can't.
-Play something
-I'm not a musician!
Grandma?
Grandma?
You killed her!
Grandma.
This bottle
Is so beautiful
The way you look at me
Grandma!
Is so hot
This bottle
Is so beautiful
The way you look at me
Is so hot
That's how she laughed at me.
She made me feel terrible.
-What an awful psychopedagogue.
-I was only ten.
Ten years old. My father had just died.
You had a hard life, Ceci.
-Hi.
-Why are you here?
Nothing. I thought about it,
and we should go out.
-Did something happen?
-Yes.
I think I killed a lady.
-No!
-Yes. It was awful, man.
Hi.
Hi.
-You have company.
-Yes, Ceci.
She's my new friend.
Listen, I wanted to I mean
Maybe I was out of
What I said before
I mean, you But no, also me
-It's not like
-Pablo,
I get it.
You want to apologize,
but you clearly have emotional issues
that are getting in the way.
Yeah.
It's cool. I forgive you.
-Cool.
-Really.
There
There, yes
-A bit lower. There.
-That's the scapula.
-Do you feel that?
-Yes, the scapula.
Why don't we go somewhere else?
Excuse us.
What's your urban tribe?
I don't know
Are you emo or otaku?
I don't know
Do you take pills or smoke pot?
Nacho, you're so hot!
Do you like this song?
I don't know
Are you into Twitter
Or do you fool around?
What are you doing, idiot?
Doucheface.
Shut up for a sec
We are all
We are all equal
That song is not theirs.
-What?
-They stole that song.
-I know a song just like that.
-By who?
I don't remember now.
I'll google it later.
Oh, man.
Thank you.
You're such a beautiful audience.
What?
Hi, what's up?
-Hi.
-What's up?
-What did you think?
-It was amazing.
Thanks, man. Do you know him?
I'll introduce you.
They are my friends. They have a band.
This is Sandro. He owns the place.
-Nice to meet you, guys.
-A pleasure.
-I need a drink.
-Wait.
-This is yours.
-Yeah, thanks.
-Okay, bye.
-Excuse me. Do you have a sec?
I'm Ceci, their manager.
Here's my card, just in case.
They forgot to add "manager"
at the print shop.
Do you play?
No, the case is empty.
-Want a beer?
-Yes, please.
-What about you? You want a beer?
-Thanks.
I'll take a latte, if you have
Wow, you were thirsty.
I just saw an old lady die.
She really died.
For real.
-I'm kidding.
-No!
I was awesome, man.
-What do you mean?
-They loved my jokes.
They weren't jokes. It was the truth.
Come on, man. I was hilarious.
They loved me.
But what you said was true.
-That's three.
-Thanks.
-It was the way I said it.
-No, it wasn't.
A toast?
I got you your first gig.
-What?
-Huh?
This Saturday at Incestuous,
at a festival for new bands.
-No, Ceci, that's insane.
-Are you crazy?
Why the sad faces? This is good news.
-No. Not at all.
-It's crazy.
I saw it so clearly.
I hate to work, I love money,
I'm a great liar, I should be a manager.
-Well, good for you.
-That has nothing to do with us.
We are not musicians.
-Who's a musician, really?
-Lots of people.
-People who play an instrument and sing.
-Nobody plays instruments.
What are you saying?
-Can you stop being so negative?
-What?
-We can't play.
-I have faith in you
-There's potential.
-Put faith in what?
Wait.
Hang on.
-It's not such a bad idea.
-Yes, it is.
No.
We'll form a band.
We'll be famous.
-I don't wanna be famous.
-Yes, you do.
Shall we toast?
THANKS
CECI
Hi, Ceci, you forgot
the money on the table.
Should I bring it over to your house?
Bye, friend.
What's your urban tribe?
I don't know
Are you emo or otaku?
I don't know
Do you take pills or smoke pot?
Do you like this song?
I don't know
Are you into Twitter
Or do you fool around?
It's up to me
Shut up for a sec
We are all
We are all the same
We are all
We are all the same