Post Mortem: No One Dies in Skarnes (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[flies buzzing]
[woman gasps softly]
[crow cawing]
Gonna throw up?
[man retching]
[gasps]
Just give me two seconds.
- [train horn blares]
- [sighs]
[sighs]
[man sighs]
[yawns]
This can't be your first, surely.
No, but I know her.
Well, knew her, that is.
We were in the same class
at primary school.
You two dated for a while, was it?
- Wh No, no, no.
- [chuckles] No.
[sighs] She was always so careful.
I don't understand how she ended up here.
Certainly looks like
it was a natural death.
Out here?
- [woman] Yeah.
- [crows cawing]
People walk straight across
this field as a shortcut.
[man] Do you think it's a little strange?
It's just so frustrating, sending 'em
for an autopsy on "a little strange."
Blows the budget, you know? But
Dead young woman in a field.
We don't have a choice. [sniffs]
[man] When's the ambulance due?
What do you think it'll do, Reinert?
- Transportation
- You watch too many films, don't you?
In films, the ambulance comes
to pick up the bodies.
They even use blue lights,
as if it's a matter of life or death.
It's too late. They're dead.
Yeah, but who's going
to deal with her, then?
[folk music plays]
HALLANGEN FUNERAL AGENCY
[man 1] Two.
Three. Hm.
Three. That's three behind the counter.
- [man 2] What about the blue one?
- Yes, the blue one's there.
[man 2] Fine, good. Okay.
Plus 30
Good. Plus six.
[whistles softly] 39.
There are 39 urns here upstairs.
[man 2] 39? And then check
- What about the caskets, then?
- Yep.
[humming]
And here, we have [whistles softly]
One, two
We have five of casket number 21.
Five Hold on. Five 21s.
And then we have
one mahogany-stain cherry wood special.
So Christmas is safe, then.
But no one dies here in Skarnes.
- [inhales] Hm?
- [phone plays "Ride of the Valkyries"]
- Police time.
- Ah.
- [chuckles] Uh-huh! Right?
- [laughs]
- Aah!
- [laughs]
- Yes, this is
- [whispers] Yeah. Yes, of course.
This is Hallangen Funeral Agency,
and you're speaking to Arvid.
[man 1 whispers] Finally!
- Og det er manda' morra blues ♪
- [humming along]
Hm? Yep. Ah
Manda' ♪
- Morra blues ♪
- Hm?
Tømmer kaffekoppen ♪
Legger på en snus ♪
Yes, thank you.
Til manda' morra blues ♪
[sighs]
Hm?
[Reinert] The funeral agency
cannot pick up
Live Hallangen.
Why'd you say that?
[Reinert] Hallangen Funeral Agency.
Live Hallangen.
[Arvid] Even though
it's your sister we are picking up
a funeral agent
navigates life like a swan.
[sniffles]
Controlled and elegant
on the surface, while at the
While at the same time, the legs
are working fast as hell. I know that.
- [Arvid] Hm.
- [sighs]
[crow cawing]
Odd. Remember.
One, and two three.
[Arvid grunting]
[sighs]
[man] Let's see, then.
[grunting]
[woman] So. Found in a field
on the outskirts of Skarnes.
[man] Know what they used to say
about Skarnes?
- [woman] No.
- In the '90s, they used to say,
if you're gonna kill someone,
do it in Skarnes.
- [woman] Why?
- [man] Because the police were lazy.
- Or are lazy?
- [woman] Huh.
[man] I see no signs
of superficial damages,
no trauma to the upper body,
the legs or the head.
[woman] Oh.
I hate to say it,
but this looks like a natural death.
[woman] Of a female in her early 30s?
[man] A mild illness, a sudden seizure,
blood clot caused by birth control pills,
- or maybe an overdose.
- [scoffs] Yeah. But we're still
[man] Obviously,
we'll still do the autopsy.
- It is our job, after all.
- Hmm.
[man] It costs half a year's budget
for these little sheriff's offices
to send bodies for an autopsy.
So the Skarnes police
become known for how they
[woman] Huh.
- [man] What?
- [woman] That's strange.
[man] What?
[woman] Bleeding from the deceased,
post mortem.
- [man] What?
- Yes, look.
[man] Oh.
[scalpel clatters]
[woman] What?
[man] Nothing.
It's just strange, that's all.
- [woman] That's what I said.
- [man] So what?
It's not like me writing "That's strange"
is stealing your brilliant observation
that it was strange.
[sighs]
- [woman scoffs]
- [man] You gonna continue?
- Or is it a little strange for you?
- [woman] No, it's not too strange for me.
[man] Good.
Then we declare Live Hallangen open
[woman sighs]
Then we declare Live Hallangen
- [crunch]
- open.
[screaming]
[gasping and coughing]
- [man] Oh
- [woman] Uh
[Live groaning and coughing]
[man] What the hell?
[Live panting]
[man] Aaah!
[screams]
A NETFLIX SERIES
[opening song in Norwegian plays]
POST MORTEM:
NO ONE DIES IN SKARNES
[fly buzzing]
HALLANGEN FUNERAL AGENCY
[printer whirring]
[phone buzzes]
Hello, this is Arvid.
[man] Yes, hi.
Are you Live Hallangen's closest relative?
- Yes. Yes, I am.
- Yeah, listen, uh
It's a little hard to explain
what has happened here,
uh, if it's a routine error or a miracle.
She's not dead. She woke up at forensics,
and has been transferred for observation
[hangs up]
[sighs] Fuck.
[machines bleeping softly]
Odd?
- Hi.
- [Live] Hi.
[chuckling] Hi.
What's so funny?
Yeah. [chuckles]
[sighs]
- [bleep]
- [phone rings outside]
- [Live sighs]
- [chuckles]
What are we doing here?
- You don't remember?
- [door opens]
Hi, Live.
[Live] Hi.
- [doctor] So, you're awake.
- [Live] Yeah.
- How are you feeling?
- [Live] Yeah
- Tip-top.
- Would you look up for me?
- Yeah.
- What have you got to check?
[Odd] You were dead.
Or we thought you were dead.
Huh?
Yeah, some joggers found you
in the field by the old barn, and then
they called the police,
then the police put in the call to us,
and we came and
had to collect you,
then we took you to pathology
and you woke up on the dissecting table.
Came Came to collect?
What are you talking about?
What, you and Papa?
I mean, who else?
[doctor] So, just as Odd said,
you were found in a field, and, uh
we think you must have had
some kind of seizure,
perhaps while you were out walking.
Do you happen to remember
if you were out walking?
Um
No.
I guess that was yesterday?
- Uh, or was it?
- [doctor] On Thursday evening.
What's today, then?
Today is Monday.
[Live gasps]
How could you possibly think
that I was dead?
Medically speaking, it can occur because
of hypothermia, that's a sort of cooling.
It can cause suspended animation.
With hypothermia, the body temperature
falls drastically,
and all the bodily functions,
the cellular metabolism, slows down a lot.
It can be life-threatening.
The heart can stop.
We've had cases
where the heart stopped for seven hours,
in the most serious cases.
Hey, Odd. Can you go and tell Judith
and Reinert that Live is awake, yeah?
- Yeah.
- They're waiting in the cafeteria.
- All good, yeah.
- Great.
- Could you get me a drink?
- [Odd] Yep.
[PA beeps]
[Odd sighs]
- [Arvid] Hello?
- Papa?
- Hi, Odd.
- She's awake now.
Hmm. Is she different?
She seems great, actually.
A little tired, of course, but, um
You can come now, she's fine.
- Hmm. No.
- No, or
- Or yes?
- I'll see you at home.
- See you at home, then.
- Yes.
- Bye.
- Yeah, okay.
Huh.
For a while, I'd like you to come
for check-ups, if you wouldn't mind.
So we can take blood tests
and keep an eye on you.
Yeah, absolutely. Uh
Yeah, but it still doesn't make any sense.
What is wrong with me?
Oh, it's nothing.
All your tests are absolutely fine.
So if you're up for it,
you can be discharged today.
Yeah
Only if you feel ready, that is.
Where are you going?
To find the chocolate machine, of course.
[sighs]
Hmm. Yeah, it was a bit of a shock,
of course, but, you know
[chuckles]
- Hey, you.
- Hey.
The police want a chat with you,
so I'll be in your room, yeah?
Yeah.
- Hi, there.
- Bunkering up for the winter?
- Don't you want a couple more?
- Um
Life is often proved to be too short
- to choose just one chocolate.
- [snorts]
Have you got five minutes?
- Yeah
- Yeah.
[clears throat]
I have your clothing for you.
From the pathology lab.
Yeah, ta.
Yes, well. You must allow us to be clear.
We apologise for the situation.
Let's not forget, we are responsible..
For sending me for an autopsy
when strictly speaking, I wasn't as dead
as one should be when they're sent there?
Well, in our defence,
you looked very dead.
Very.
What we wanted to say now is [sighs]
What it is, you see
As you know, the press will want
to make a case out of this, right?
- The local paper?
- No. The whole shebang.
TV 2, NRK. They want to make a sensational
case out of this little business.
Yeah. "Police send living girl
for an autopsy and to be buried
by her own family."
- Ahem!
- Or something.
Pfft.
- Isn't that exactly what you did?
- Yeah.
- Uh, no.
- No.
[laughs]
- Mm-hm.
- Don't forget,
we were only trying to take care
of you the whole time, Live.
[both sigh]
I mean, she seems angry with me now.
Mmm.
- I mean, you know?
- [sighs]
- No?
I just felt there was
a negative energy between us.
[Judith sighs]
- Fuck, man.
- [sighs]
[coughs]
So how long did it take before, uh
Papa started making funeral arrangements?
Picking flowers, measuring caskets?
And what was he going to play?
"You Raise Me Up," was his decision.
That's not funny.
Not trying to be.
I'm talking about a funeral.
Imagine
You raise me up ♪
So I can stand on mountains ♪
- You raise me up ♪
- [laughing] Oh, Odd!
- To walk on stormy seas ♪
- [laughs] Aah! Odd!
I'm strong ♪
- When I am on your shoulders ♪
- That's enough!
I guess it's lucky that I didn't die.
That would've been horrific.
- [chuckles]
- Wouldn't it?
Then it goes, like [imitates drums]
Key change!
[both] You raise me up ♪
So I can stand on mountains ♪
[Live laughing]
- [doors close]
- [Live] Gosh, looks like a right mess.
- Hah!
- [yelps]
- For fuck's sake!
- Careful!
I'll just go up to Papa to say hi.
Do that.
Papa?
Papa?
[knocks]
Papa?
[rattles doorknob]
What's going on?
Hmm I think he just feels pretty bad
because he didn't realise you were alive.
You know,
he's been doing this for a while,
but he's used to picking up dead people.
He's not used
to them coming back. [chuckles]
- No. I guess..
- [door opens downstairs]
- [woman] Hello.
- [Odd] Hi, dear.
- [woman] No, I'm good. Oh.
- [Odd] I've got it.
- [woman chuckles] Thanks.
- [bottles clanking]
- Hello.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi.
- Hi. It's so good to see you.
Gosh. Is there any wine left
for anyone else in town, do you reckon?
No. Um
When they've died and come back, only then
is it their turn to get the wine.
[both laugh]
[muffled laughter]
[woman] They can't drink our
[thump]
CHLOROFORM
[sighs]
[birdsong]
[water running]
- Odd?
- Yeah?
You sure you didn't find my jewellery
- that I mentioned, then?
- [Odd] Yeah.
I'm pretty sure
we didn't find your necklace,
or your telephone charger, or headphones.
Yeah, well, I don't always go around
with my charger and headphones.
Are you eating chocolate before dinner?
Odd, I've just come back from the dead,
and I'll do whatever I want to.
Yes, but Rose is about
to cook a whole moose.
[chuckles] You big kid.
You're a big kid.
I'm not the one who's 32
and living in my childhood bedroom.
No, you're the one that keeps insisting
that I don't move away.
- [thunder rumbling]
- [crows cawing]
[Odd] Shall I go up and get Papa?
No, my God, he's probably coming soon.
Everyone at work says hi. They're
really glad to hear the news, Live.
They're all really glad
that you're not dead.
[water running]
That's so lovely to hear.
- [sighs]
- [crockery and cutlery rattling]
Hi.
There you are.
Papa, everything's fine.
Is it just me,
or is it really dark in here?
- [Rose] Almost there.
- [gas hisses]
[flame catches]
[hissing and crackling[
[loud crackling]
- [Rose] And dinner is served.
- [Arvid] No, thanks, I'm not hungry.
[Odd] Papa?
Sorry, I need some fresh air.
[door closes]
Um
Yeah.
[Odd] Hm.
- Hm.
- [Rose sighs]
[door creaks]
[sighs]
[Rose muffled] There are all sorts
of reactions that just seem strange.
[Odd] Well, rather special
circumstances caused this.
She woke up on an autopsy table.
- It's not strange she has trouble
- Yes, but doesn't she seem
- [loud and clear]different?
- [Odd] She was in suspended animation!
- [Rose, muffled] But she seems
- [Odd] Of course.
- Of course she does.
- [Rose] But don't you think
[loud and clear] she seems strange?
- [Odd] I agree. But
- [Rose] It doesn't seem like you agree.
- You're not listening to me.
- [Odd] Okay. Can
- [muffled]end this conversation
- [Rose] I don't
[Rose sighs] Okay, fine,
but I think we shoud
- [Odd] It's stressful for everyone.
- [Rose] Oh, Jesus. She can't hear us.
- [Odd] No. But it's still
- [Rose] Okay
[muffled argument continues]
[train horn blares]
[thumping]
[rumbling]
[low rumbling]
[screaming]
[screams and gasps]
[panting]
[rumbling]
[woman] By the time you hear this,
I will be dead.
For good, this time.
[breathing shakily] I have really tried,
for you
and for the children,
but I have no other choice.
Take care of yourself.
And you have to take care
of our children, Arvid.
Should you ever see my darkness in Live
You have to keep an eye on her.
Look for the change that you saw in me.
You have to keep an eye on her.
Look for the change that you saw in me.
POLICE
[panting]
[banging on door]
[Live yells] Hello!
[banging continues]
Reinert!
[keys jingling]
- [bleep]
- [Live gasps]
- What's happened? Are you okay?
- Someone tried to kill me.
- What, now?
- Not now! By the barn. Where you found me.
I'm starting to remember.
Someone attacked me.
- Uh Okay.
- You're not going to do something?
I think you need some rest, yeah?
- Live.
- [groans]
[sighs]
- Live. Wait there.
- For what? You don't believe me.
No, it's not that. It's not that.
It's just, you weren't injured.
The doctors didn't find a sign
of you being attacked, did they? Huh?
I don't have any explanation for this.
I just know what I'm starting to remember.
- Right.
- Even if you
- you think I'm absurd.
- No.
No. No, I absolutely don't, Live.
[dog barking]
Have a nice evening, yeah?
I mean, considering the circumstances.
They took a necklace off me.
[Reinert] Who?
No, I don't know who they were.
But I
know I had my necklace on me.
And Mum's old wedding ring,
that I wear all the time,
without exception.
But now it's gone.
The most important thing,
though, you're safe now. Yeah? Hmm?
The most important thing
is that it doesn't happen again, isn't it?
Hmm.
- Good night.
- Hmm.
Where have you been?
Uh
- Well, I
- Are you feeling all right?
- Hmm.
- [sighs]
Okay.
The man who followed you home
- Yeah?
- Yes, was that Reinert?
Yeah.
How's Reinert doing?
Uh Well, I suppose.
I didn't especially ask him.
Huh.
- Papa?
- Hm?
What's going on?
Would have been nice to have seen you
at least once in hospital,
after you had driven me
to the autopsy, you know?
Huh
You didn't even look me in the eye
when I came home.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
[folk music playing faintly]
Se Norges blomsterdal ♪
Farvel, du kvalme fangekrog ♪
Den vilde graneskog ♪
Er nu så dejlig sval ♪
Tra-la-la-la, la-la ♪
Ja, lysteligt det er i Nord ♪
Blandt fjeld og li og fjord ♪
Blandt fjeld og li og fjord ♪
Odd?
Live?
Ja, lysteligt det er i Nord ♪
Blandt fjeld og li og fjord ♪
What are you doing?
I'm attempting to get rid
of the smell of a man
who lay on some heating cables
for a couple of weeks before coming to us.
- I laid him here.
- [rattling and buzzing]
Then that piece of shit conked out,
stuff started running down on him,
which ended up on the floor, and now
the stench is stuck under the bloody lino.
Four months ago, but, uh [sighs]
he's still with us.
The lingering smell, anyway.
[tape player whirring]
[light bulb buzzing]
I don't understand what's the matter.
It's not always easy to understand him.
But, uh you know what he's like.
How it is in this line of work. You can't
be too oversensitive, otherwise,
- then you just won't handle it.
- Oversensitive?
- Him?
- Huh.
It's not that. No, he's completely weird.
- [sniffing]
- He hasn't even asked anything.
He obviously doesn't care. But he's
desperate to hear how Reinert's doing.
Reinert?
Yes! He followed me home
from the police station earlier.
The first thing Papa says to me is,
"How's Reinert doing?"
What were you doing at the police station?
- Are you okay? Nothing's happened?
- No, I was just walking by.
- Oh, yeah?
- Saw he was standing there.
He's relieved I'm not dead,
and I'm still alive.
Or he'd be forced to start
a full-on murder investigation.
Oh, Reinert would have loved
a murder investigation in Skarnes.
- Believe me.
- [chuckles]
But who would want to do that anyway?
Kill me?
I haven't done anything,
not one thing, not ever,
that would make someone hate me so much.
[screaming]
[gasping]
I've lived
an average life.
[gasps and groans]
So if someone really was
attempting to kill me,
I must have been a random victim
or something, don't you think?
Yeah, I think you ought to,
for your own good,
cut down on your true crime podcasts
from now on.
Hmm?
Hey, police did say that they couldn't
find anything criminal, didn't they?
Yeah.
Wasn't it just one of those weird
accidents, a little seizure or something?
Yeah.
- Probably was, yeah.
- Yeah.
Hm.
[making creaking sound]
- [chuckles]
- Aah!
Double death?
[moaning]
- [laughs] You were scared!
- No.
Yeah, you were, I saw you.
- [laughs]
- You're not that good an actor.
Yeah, but you know, there's something to
be said for these near-death experiences.
Something that makes you think,
you know, what you have
- and what you don't have in your life.
- Mmm.
Like a job, or family,
friends, deadly enemies.
That kind of thing.
I almost wish there was
a killer on the loose in Skarnes.
- You'd have something to do, at least.
- My point.
[Arvid] Live?
Yeah?
Would you come in here for a bit?
[door creaking]
[muffled yelps]
- [Arvid grunting]
- [Live yelling]
[Odd clears throat]
[sighs]
Odd.
What is it?
- I mean, fuck that!
- What is it?
- You've just been working.
- Yeah, but I scrubbed myself.
Yes, but you smell of AntiBac
and formaldehyde.
- That's no better, is it?
- [scoffs]
- AntiBac is no better than a corpse?
- No.
- I disagree.
- No, it's not.
Hmm-hmm-hmm!
No, don't even think about doing that now.
- You stink!
- [laughing] I'll sleep on the sofa.
You will shower,
as I am ovulating.
[Live screaming]
It's all right. It's all right.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- [whimpering]
I'm sorry.
[sighs] I'm sorry.
[Arvid sighing]
Shit.
Ready
[thumping]
[Arvid panting]
[thumping downstairs]
Papa?
Uh Yeah?
- Hi.
- Hi.
What are you doing?
I'm heading down to the crematorium
to tidy up the equipment store.
I can't sleep when I know
those candlesticks haven't been polished.
- Okay. Drive safely, then.
- Yeah.
Hmm.
[sighs]
Ooh-la-la!
[both chuckle]
- Now you smell good.
- Thanks.
Very good, actually. Mmm.
- What is it?
- [sighs]
I wonder if I really should
have gone with Papa.
- You're thinking about Arvid now?
- Mm-hm.
Odd!
Those candlesticks are normally up to me.
Tell me, honestly.
Do you think he was having a dig?
[sighs]
[engine rumbling]
[Odd sighs]
It's too late, anyway. He's leaving.
So bloody typical of him
that he can't wait until morning.
- Then, I wouldn't mind doing them.
- I know. You're right, he's thoughtless.
- Shall we fuck?
- Yeah, yeah.
He's already left, so
[clattering]
[engine rumbling]
[creaking]
[whimpers]
[gasps]
[gasping]
[yelling]
[clattering]
- [creaking]
- [Live] Help! Please, help!
Help!
[gasping]
Help me!
- Help!
- [thumping]
Help me!
[screams]
[rumbling]
[clanking]
Help!
Will somebody help me get out of here?
[screaming]
Help! Help!
[gasping]
[screaming] Help!
[wailing]
Help!
Help! Help!
[screaming and sobbing]
Help!
[screaming] Help!
Help! Help!
[screams]
[gasping]
[groaning]
[yelling]
[screaming]
[coughing]
[panting]
Papa?
[gasps]
It was you who Oh!
[Arvid] No. No, it wasn't me.
And I don't know who killed you that day.
You were dead.
And then, when you woke up again,
then there was no other choice.
I had to do it
for your own sake.
For my own sake?
If only you knew
what Madeleine had to go through
- If only
- How dare you?
- What does Mum have to do with this?
- I didn't stop it, or help Madeleine!
Papa. You're sick.
Come home with me to the apartment,
and I'll show you.
And then you will understand
that you are not
what you believe you are.
[Live shrieks]
[lamp buzzing]
[phone plays "Ride of the Valkyries"]
- [Rose] Odd
- Have you seen my phone?
- [Rose] No!
- [Odd] Oh, it's charging.
- [Rose] I just fell asleep.
- [Odd] If someone calls early, it's work.
- [Rose sobbing] Please!
- Oh, It's work. [clears throat]
[Rose] Shh!
- Uh
- [Rose groans]
Hallangen Funeral Agency,
you're through to Odd.
Yes.
A corpse? Yeah.
Well, that's good, right? [chuckles]
I was just kidding. But, um
Where is it, then?
Mmm?
Live?
[crying] It's Papa