Prank or Tank (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Two legends of entertainment,
Escorpión Dorado and Facundo,
have a rivalry
that's dragged on for years,
but that rivalry ends today.
These two titans have been summoned
to face ten extreme challenges
10 EXTREME
CHALLENGES
to prove, once and for all,
who's the GOAT.
In a nutshell, the coolest.
THE
COOLES
What if I refuse?
The challenges will take place
all around Mexico
and were created
by iconic people from their past
who are out for revenge.
Like Roberto Palazuelos,
who's here to get revenge
for the humiliation
these two guys put him through.
I'll get revenge on both of them.
-No, dude, I swear I can't.
-Come on, I'll help.
Each time they win, they'll get money
that will be donated to a charity.
But, if they lose,
they'll get a terrible
and humiliating punishment.
PUNISHMEN
Franco Escamilla, I hate you!
Is the world ready
for the biggest competition in history?
This is Prank or Tank.
PRANK OR TANK
To kick off this epic battle,
our gladiators meet face to face
and decide once and for all
who's a real god and who's a mere mortal.
It'll be Changoleón.
So Changoleón's my worst enemy?
-Oh, come on
-What's up, fucking son of Changoleón?
How are you?
You're my worst enemy?
-I had no idea
-What do you mean?
They told me I'd face my worst enemy.
-I didn't know it'd be my son.
-So you're my?
-Yeah, man!
-I was looking for a douche,
but not the biggest douchebag of them all.
Am I really against you?
I'm not okay with this.
All this show for this?
All for this?
Get me a different dude.
Someone that can still bend his knees
and has a little hair.
So, what's all this about?
-Who came up with this?
-500 production guys.
While they figure this out, let's recap.
Ten challenges, five punishments,
and a lot of money
that won't go to them.
Hi! How are you, gentlemen?
-Who the hell are you?
-I'm Manuel.
How are you? I'm your intern.
-Hi, Intern.
-I'm here to help
with anything you need for
-this adventure.
-I don't need
Name: Intern. Age: Could be Facundo's son.
I do a lot of stuff in this production.
For example, assisting, agreeing,
pulling on some wires
You could say I'm like mold,
I'm everywhere.
I also can smell a bit moldy.
THE INTERN
I need help. Can you switch this idiot
-for someone cool?
-No.
No, but could you help me
by signing this pretty paper?
It's a contract, yeah.
It basically says you'll finish
each and every challenge
in this competition,
especially the final punishment.
By signing, you pledge
to take your punishment.
It'll be an unbelievable punishment.
A very dangerous punishment.
Look, do you promise
I can fuck with him if I beat him?
-Of course. Sign.
-Right away.
Sign it while I get something else.
-You're in a hurry.
-There!
-Mr. Douchebag. Great.
-There it is.
-Ready?
-Learn to spell, man.
-No way!
-Lots of surprises.
First, I want you to hear
this audio message.
-Play it.
-Sure, let's listen.
Lubricate your knees.
A competition among you two? Oh, please.
If we really want to know
who's the real GOAT,
it won't be easy.
Name: Roberto Palazuelos,
AKA: El Diamante Negro.
Challenges: Heights.
Reason for revenge: Public embarrassment.
Facundo put him in a bumblebee suit
and Escorpión mocked him
in front of his followers.
Grudge level: Nine.
I'm Roberto Palazuelos. I'm an actor,
entrepreneur, and lawyer.
I'll get revenge on both of them.
Because they both
ridiculed me in the past.
And now I'll get my revenge.
I have two challenges for you
that will decide
who handles heights the best.
I'll send you the location
of the first challenge
and a clue to get you warmed up.
By the way, the loser's punishment
will be really, really good.
So, you ready for Prank or Tank?
-I'm game. For sure I'm game.
-Yeah.
-I also have this little chest.
-What's it for?
You also gonna steal it?
What's that, dude?
If you're also wondering
about the chest, let me explain.
First, the intern will show them a clue
for what to expect in the challenge.
You can swing on it, you fucking climber.
-No.
-Don't you love
swinging from vines?
-What's this mean?
-No idea.
Why'd you give it to us?
'Cause they told me to.
I'll see you at the location
Mr. Palazuelos sent you.
-Make the intern carry it.
-See you.
-Make him useful.
-The contract.
-The contract.
-Yes.
-Here.
-Yeah.
-You can keep that.
-Cool.
-Thanks.
-Thanks, man.
-Thanks.
-Now fuck off.
Will there be antidoping tests
for these challenges?
-You wouldn't pass it.
-That worries me.
-Got a car?
-No.
-Don't fuck with me!
-What?
-What the hell?
-I'm eco-friendly.
-I rode my bike.
-You got robbed.
But you wanted kids?
-You insisted.
-Yeah.
Forget the kids, ex-wife, you bastard!
I'll let you get in my car,
but don't talk to me.
-Okay?
-Okay.
Motherfucker, man!
Of all the fucking people in the world
and I'm stuck with this guy
that can't even be considered human.
You'll finally measure up
against someone on your level
-and it'll be for real.
-No way!
Get this asshole away from me!
Get me someone worth my time!
-Someone famous, at least.
-Look.
-Damn it!
-I'm a classic, man.
I'm a World Heritage asset.
El Diamante Negro sent
the coordinates for the first challenge.
After driving for a bit,
they reach the place
where they'll take the phrase,
"jumping through hoops"
to a whole new level.
-I think it's here.
-Let's see.
No fucking way. A circus, man?
That's why they got a dwarf! Come on, man.
-Is it here?
-There's the dude.
Palazuelos.
A master of heights
who doesn't forgive or forget.
What has he prepared for his revenge?
What's up, Pala?
Come in, it's here.
I'm really glad you're both game.
-For sure!
-I'm so glad.
Maybe this dude will bail out
on your challenge.
I'll give you your first two challenges.
The challenges are related to
something you don't have.
-What?
-That is
height, baby!
-Height!
-What? I mean
-There's no way.
-He's got heels.
Remember, the loser
will be punished.
I'm worried
'cause he gets high real quick.
He acts like a diva
when he gets a million views.
I'm worried about your outfits.
-Why?
-Go change.
You can't wear that.
-Should we dress up like you?
-Yeah, it's kinda tacky.
For the first challenge,
they'll face their worst fears,
heights and looking like idiots
in front of El Diamante Negro.
Balls in the Air!
BALLS
IN THE AIR
Now you'll get it, dude.
-Thanks.
-I'm a pro, man.
We've done extreme things
to Roberto Palazuelos,
particularly ridiculous things.
I think his rage stems from that
and that's why he wants us to do this.
I'm up for it
so I can humiliate that dude,
but getting punished? Fuck no!
It's time to get serious
for the first challenge.
At a height of eight meters,
you'll hold a ball between your legs
-Yeah
-And you'll toss it
into the basket.
-Okay.
-Okay?
So, who'll go first?
-This guy.
-No, he'll go first.
-The diva should start.
-No, you.
-Senior citizens first.
-Look.
Listen, listen.
I'm always prepared,
so I brought in an expert,
Dr. Volados!
Who's Dr. Volados?
This is Dr. Volados.
He has a master's degree
in flipping coins
and a PhD in super-flipping them.
God damn it, no.
Name: Dr. Volados.
Strength: Thumb master.
Batteries not included.
I'll lend you Dr. Volados during the show
so you stop arguing about
who goes first in each challenge.
-Dr. Volados.
-You'll pay his travel allowance, right?
Is that who starts?
Escorpión goes first! Yeah!
-No, I didn't choose.
-Escorpión starts!
You go first.
-I'll go.
-It's like FIFA.
Who should start, Dr. Volados?
-Okay.
-Perfect.
Come on!
-Oh, man.
-Set an example, Escorpi!
-Okay
-Thank you, Dr. Volados. Great.
I want to see you flying high!
-No way. I'll show you.
-We'll see.
Escorpión, here's
where your downfall begins.
Now people will start to realize
that you're not the "god" you say you are.
Yeah right! I'm gonna beat
fucking Facundo's ass.
I could climb up this.
-Go on.
-Wait.
-I don't think
-Shut up.
I don't think he can get up there.
Sure I can, I'm a fucking god.
-Need a push?
-Shut up, idiot.
Fucking Escorpión, right?
Don't step on your pants, dude.
If he falls, at least we have insurance.
Only one thing's for sure,
one of these guys
is gonna bust his face.
Let's go! Let's go!
I made it!
Fuck! It's horrible from up here!
Show me your hand.
I'm nervous, dude.
We'll see who's the most badass
when facing their fear of heights.
I'll enjoy watching them tremble.
-No way!
-No, dude!
No fucking way.
It's tough.
I'm tall and I can't reach it.
How am I supposed to do this?
I can't reach it, man.
Fuck, being up there
It's a tiny piece of plastic.
It's the size of a fucking cookie.
-I'll hold you.
-Fuck, man.
-I'll grab you.
-Yeah.
-I'll hold you.
-You got me?
-I got you, man.
-Ready, fucking Escorpión?
-Where're your balls?
-Come on!
FIRST SHO
-Go.
-Ready?
-One.
-One.
Two.
-Three.
-Come on.
Lift your feet!
REPLAY
How's he gonna let go now?
No fucking way.
I don't want to do it!
No way!
I shat myself!
I'm really nervous.
Check out his swag
getting down from there.
What swag Damn, man!
I should get extra credit
for that fucking somersault.
Dude!
Your turn, fucking Facundo!
-Fuck.
-Think twice next time
you dress me up as a bee!
I think the idea's
not to throw the ball
Are you fucking kidding me? I can't do it.
Hold onto me, man.
-I'll let go, yeah?
-Yeah.
Fucking Facundo scored big
when my fucking arm wrapped around
his scrawny ass body.
Escorpión's sweat
wasn't that gross
'cause it was the only way
he could hold on,
his body pressed up against mine.
-One, two, three.
-One, two, three.
REPLAY
Are you fucking kidding, Facundo?
No fucking way.
How do you feel, man?
I can't feel my legs, man.
They're cramping up!
-How do you feel?
-Like a badass.
Empowered.
With balls of steel.
Not really.
Hug me, idiot.
-I got it.
-Come on!
SECOND SHO
How big are those balls of steel?
-Ready?
-Ready. One,
two, three. Go.
Lift your feet!
-The god of the Internet!
-Balls of steel!
Oh, dude!
-I rock, man! Fuck yeah!
-No way!
Damn it!
This complicates things for me.
Fuck yeah!
-There's the camera.
-Another one.
Fuck yeah!
Kiss my ass, you bastard!
Escorpión's all empowered now.
I'm fucking great.
I even flexed my pecs, look.
Move it, fucking Facundo.
Escorpión's winning now.
Fuck, this is still really scary.
Let's go, let's go!
One, two
three!
Mess it up!
REPLAY
He's a god too!
Hey, fucking Facundo. Wait, damn it.
-Dude.
-You really surprised us.
We're tied,
but I'll beat him now, you'll see.
Escorpión's was a two-pointer,
mine went higher,
so it's a three-pointer.
Facundo saw how I did it and copied me
He used to copy me online,
and now he copies me in real life.
THIRD SHO
Well, they weren't
as good as they claimed to be
and nobody scored on their third try.
Now Palazuelos has to choose a tiebreaker.
If Palazuelos thought
he'd make me suffer, okay, he was right.
Your mind starts playing with you.
This shit moves around,
you can't reach it.
It was horrible.
We have a tie
and we can't leave it at that.
-Why not?
-Let's go to the next challenge!
-What?
-For the next challenge
TIEBREAKER: WHO LASTS THE LONGES
you'll hang from the bar up there
and we'll see which one of you
can hold on the longest.
-No.
-For real?
-Let's see who's the real badass.
-Sure.
-Gentlemen!
-You can win, if you want.
-Let's just compare our dicks.
-Yeah, okay.
No, you won.
The first challenge ended in a tie,
but we can't leave it at that.
So, who'll hold on the longest?
There are all types of rivals,
and he's no match for me.
When I'm flying high, I'm in my element.
-Fuck it.
-Bastard.
The bastard can really hold on.
Let me know when the hard part starts.
I can hold on for five hours if you want.
-Or 20.
-No idea how he'll do,
-but I'll last longer.
-I can't take it!
My balls are weighing me down!
Taking it all
He fell?
That was it? He's done?
Damn it, fucking Escorpión!
I had high hopes for you, Escorpión.
Well, I'm going up.
Basically a walk in the park.
I had a snack before going up there.
We'll see how he holds onto the trapeze
because it's covered in butter.
Take a seat, dude.
A front row seat
to watch my winning performance.
You can't even reach the bar,
you fucking kid.
I have experience.
Experience? It's a trapeze, not a dick.
I can't hold on, dude! It's greasy!
-It's greasy?
-No, dude, I'm
No, wait, dude!
-What's wrong?
-I'm slipping.
-Stop!
-No, this is a fucking joke!
-A joke?
-No! God damn it!
-No, dude!
-Put some ice on that burn.
We got it?
How long did he last?
Eight seconds? You kidding me?
It was slippery.
-I couldn't hold on.
-Slippery?
-What do you mean?
-It was greasy. I couldn't hold on.
-My hands kept slipping.
-Was it greasy?
Eat some popcorn to get over the fright.
-Fuck, no wonder.
-What, asshole?
-That's why it was greasy.
-Eat!
Come on, the whole thing
-was all greasy.
-One for me,
-one for you.
-I got ahold of the bar
and it was covered in butter.
That's why we have that powder,
that magnesium chalk, so we don't slip.
And he's complaining that it's slippery?
This is light popcorn!
Palazuelos, you decide.
The winner of this challenge
is Escorpión Dorado,
who earns 50,000 pesos for his prize pool.
-You won, Escorpión. I admit it.
-Fuck yeah.
Yeah, but at what cost?
-It's not over yet.
-What?
-What?
-Foul?
-No, no.
-Punish him!
You have another challenge.
Where's the intern? Come over here.
-Here's the chest.
-Yeah, baby.
It's just a clue
about what's in store.
Before we open it, let me say this,
revenge is a dish
-best served cold, Facundo.
-I agree.
Let's see.
-Delicious! Watermelon.
-Watermelon?
-I want some.
-We'll see if it's as yummy as you think.
They think it's food.
But when they're up there in the air,
food will be the last thing on their mind.
The next challenge is wonderful.
-I'll see you there.
-Wow.
And you know what? No crying allowed!
Are we gonna crush watermelons?
-I think so.
-We'll buff up.
-I got you beat.
-Maybe it's an eating competition.
-You beat me there.
-Let's go.
I think the watermelon's over there.
With just a watermelon as a clue,
Facundo and Escorpión head
to the next challenge
Palazuelos has in store for them,
where they'll test
their destructive abilities.
It's here. It's here.
-You sure it's here?
-That's what the map says.
It's got to be those cranes.
-Come.
-Is this really
the production level we have?
Yeah, there's a ton of stuff, man.
I don't know what Palazuelos thinks
we're gonna do here.
-He must pay for it.
-No way.
Renting cranes isn't cheap.
We get there, I see cranes, tons of stuff,
and I'm just wondering
how Escorpión will cheat
to beat me this time.
Fuck, wait a sec.
I just got a fucking audio message.
A dick pic from Palazuelos?
-Yeah, it's him.
-Mr. "Dickazuelos."
Look, watermelons.
It has to be related.
We found the watermelons,
but there has to be more.
It's about time, idiots!
For this challenge, a crane
will lift you 20 meters in the air
and you'll throw
watermelons from up there.
CHALLENGE: WATERMELON RAIN
Of course, you have to try to hit
the objects below you.
Whoever hits the most objects wins.
So, good luck.
-What the hell, man?
-Easy. Let's go.
Hey, why's there an Escorpión?
I mean, that's heresy.
I'll destroy all this
and humiliate that cum-faced asswipe.
Working hard?
We're already here
and you're barely setting it up.
-Fucking production.
-We're gonna toss a watermelon on a car?
Is there anything better
-than smashing a car?
-Right.
Look, that's you, Facundo, the whitey.
-Look.
-I turned out real good.
Son of a bitch That's hilarious.
Watermelon Rain!
WATERMELON
RAIN
We're risking our lives
for this damn show.
-Yeah!
-I'm king of the world!
At the highest point,
the crane swayed a bit
and it was a bit scary,
but the drive to destroy stuff
from up there was stronger.
Bastard!
Know what? Losers first.
-Okay.
-Do it, let's see.
-Let's see.
-I'll start with this one.
You need help picking it up?
What'll you hit?
Well the table.
-The glass table.
-Not the Escorpión?
-First the table
-Okay.
-It caught my eye.
-Smash it dude.
-Son of a bitch.
-On my first try.
But look, it's still
It's still standing.
I thought I'd be good
at throwing watermelons.
Now I'm proving it.
-My turn!
-Go.
-The microwave, it's harder to hit.
-Yeah, let's see.
-He got it, dude.
-Balls of steel!
It didn't break, but you hit it.
Know what I wanna hit?
-What?
-Your buddy Dharius's magic dust.
Beautiful!
What's better than smashing stuff?
Not even sex.
-Come on.
-The toilet! The toilet!
That's two points.
I'm a fucking god! Hell yeah!
-And I said it was a two pointer.
-Right!
He said it's worth double.
Plus, it's right there in the bowl, dude.
I'm probably
the only alpha male on the planet
that gets it in the bowl.
I'm aiming
for Escorpión.
-The Escorpión?
-Yeah.
Yeah right, calm down, man.
Hit it.
-No!
-Hey!
Why'd you hit me, asshole?
It's a straight road to victory.
That broke your heart, man.
I'll hit the kiddie pool.
The pool
You can still drink that, yeah?
Yeah, it's watermelon juice.
Guess what I'll hit. The TV.
-The TV.
-The TV.
You won't make it, man.
You're not as good as me.
Don't fall, man.
No, you won't hit it.
Almost.
I'll hit Facundo.
-Die, Facundo!
-Let him live.
Just barely!
The car?
-The car.
-Yeah, let's go.
-One, two, three.
-One, two, three.
Hell yeah!
Balls of steel!
I got it with fucking Goyugen,
and a Hadouken and another Hadouken.
And boom!
In conclusion, Facundo sucks ass.
Escorpión also wins this challenge,
adding 50,000 more pesos
to his prize pool.
He's racked up 100,000 pesos.
-Now it's Facundo's turn!
-No, idiot!
Get up.
-No!
-It won't hurt.
-Lower us!
-It won't hurt.
-No, asshole!
-Come on.
-He'll do it!
-Yeah.
No, asshole!
Stop it, dude!
-Stop!
-Hell yeah!
-Double points!
-Lower it!
Okay, I agree you won
fair and square this time.
-It was great.
-I can
-God bless everyone!
-Here.
Since he lost, Facundo will have
to go through with the punishment
that El Diamante Negro planned.
I have to accept my punishment
because this time I deserve it.
We're off on the right foot!
Let's keep it up, hell yeah!
They got some rest, it's a new day,
and it's time
for your punishment, Facundo.
-Palazuelos sent an audio message.
-Let's see.
-I knew you wouldn't bail, Facundo.
-No.
Since I know you love each other
That bastard will tattoo
whatever he wants on you.
Send me a pic of how it turns out.
-No, dude.
-Yeah.
-The tattoo studio. Fuck yeah.
-This sucks.
Facundo's been humiliated twice
this season,
but he's still got eight more challenges
to prove himself.
Now it's time for a tattoo, baby!
Pants down, please.
This is really tough, man.
I didn't get one for any ex-girlfriends.
But this is the highlight of your career.
It's the highest point
in your miserable life.
If you fuck up while we're inking you,
it'll be your fault.
"We?" This dude's tattooing me!
No, I'm gonna do it.
You're gonna tattoo me?
Yeah.
-You? No way.
-Yeah, teamwork.
You can't even write.
Damn it, no, dude.
This is a joke, man.
Hold on.
This is shit.
A tattoo's forever.
Just 'cause I reach my dick
doesn't mean I suck.
-This is fucked up.
-Sit down. Look.
-That's the tattoo?
-Yeah, look.
There it is.
-Stupid idiot.
-Stop it, dumbass.
Prank or Tank?
You're kidding,
it'll be the worst tattoo ever.
-Don't move or I'll get it wrong.
-Okay, okay.
Damn it, Escorpión! It hurts, asshole!
It really hurts, you bastard!
-Asshole!
-It's just a little mole, you wimp.
Don't be an idiot.
You tattooed my ass, dude!
You tattooed my ass, dude!
PRANK OR TANK
On this season of Prank or Tank
-You ever ridden?
-Yes.
-What's that?
-Pure manure, gentlemen.
-What?
-You're gonna kill me, man!
Fuck, it burns.
Are you gonna bail?
Yeah, I don't know why I accepted this.
It hurts to see them suffer.
But let's get to the punishment!
Yeah!
Guys!
It's your fucking chance.
These dudes always do
stupid shit for a living.
I'll teach them how to fly.
It hurts!
No pressure, no pressure.
Victory!
-Don't look.
-He's peeing, right?
It ran over me. It hurts.
-You ruined the damn show.
-No.
Why are you recording me?
-Wait.
-Why?
PRANK OR TANK