Pretty Smart (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

[Jayden] Ugh.
There's never anything on TV.
- Hey, everyone.
- What's up?
Hey, Claire.
When does your sister get here?
I wanna change
into something a little less blah.
- She'll be here any minute.
- Oh. So I have time.
You guys are gonna love Chelsea.
She's like a genius.
She's been in college since high school.
Guest room is ready.
I removed the stale energy with a crystal
and the carpet stain with a Tide pen.
Thanks, Solana. I can't wait!
Chelsea's moving to L.A. I'm so excited.
If you're excited, I'm excited.
And that's really exciting.
I don't wanna overwhelm her.
She's staying for a few days
until her boyfriend meets her.
Boyfriends are so slow.
When our parents separated, Chelsea and I
grew apart, and ever since then,
being close to her
is all I've ever wanted.
It's so important to dream.
And now is our chance
to finally connect and become
sister best friends forever.
SBFFs.
[doorbell rings]
She's here!
Already? No, no, no, I haven't changed!
- Chelsea!
- Hi. Whoa.
I missed you too.
Come in! Come in! Make yourself at home.
Thank you again for letting me stay here.
Of course, Chelsea.
It really is so generous.
I bought you a Victorian tea kettle
as a token of my appreciation.
But it broke into a thousand pieces
during my flight.
So I got you
this I Heart L.A. Traffic mug,
which I'm told is microwave-safe.
It's beautiful.
- Wow, your house is amazing.
- Yeah. We got a great deal
because we're subletting
from the subletter's house sitter.
Chelsea, look at what I got.
It's a puffy paint T-shirt making station!
Oh, I didn't know
you were still babysitting.
Oh, no, it's for us.
We can decorate them and write our names
on them just like when we were kids.
Oh, that's sweet.
I find I wear T-shirts emblazoned
with my name across it less these days.
Right. Right.
It's stupid. We don't have to.
- Come meet everyone.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Chelsea, this is Grant.
He's a personal trainer. We used to date,
but we had a mutual breakup.
- So now we're roommates.
- How French.
Actually Nebraska.
Nebraska, U.S.A.
- It's so great to meet you.
- Oh, wow, you're very shirtless.
And hard.
No. That's just its resting size.
This is Solana. She used to be a lawyer,
but she quit to become a healer.
Oh. That's a time-tested career shift.
So happy to share physical space with you.
I'm sensing you feel uncomfortable.
You're good.
I'm gonna make you
a garlic turmeric lemon shot.
- That's really not necessary.
- You'll drink it.
Okay.
- This must be Claire's sister.
- That's me.
It is so wonderful
for you to finally meet me.
Jayden Jay J. Michael Jiang,
but you probably know me by my handle
@JaydenJayJMichaelJiang.
- Jayden's an influencer.
- Oh, cool.
I'm actually not on social media.
What? Then how do you see
how many likes you got?
That's a good one.
Oh, you weren't?
Oh, my God, Claire.
They're all just like you.
Aw. Thanks, sis!
Wow, I am so glad you have this guest room
because I am just beat after that flight.
Yeah. You must be.
So
So hop in.
Okay.
- [bed creaks]
- Oh, oh, sorry.
We've gotta fix that.
I heard wobbling.
- Pretend I'm not here.
- Thanks, Grant.
Okay, so, what should we do?
- Um, let's play Truth or Dare.
- I'm sorry. I'm just really tired.
- Of course. Of course.
- Yeah.
- It's such a great way to catch up.
- Okay, one truth.
Yay! Okay.
Um, how did you meet your boyfriend?
Oh, Dwayne.
Well, it was my first day at my new class
in 15th Century
Comparative South American Literature
across Multiethnic Diasporic Migrations,
so obviously I was already excited.
Excuse me. Do you want us
to get off the bed?
Nope. I'm good.
Going up.
You were saying, your first day
in Diaper Migrant class?
I'm sorry. Are we just gonna
while he's?
Okay. So, Dwayne.
Uh, I walk in, I sit down, and he enters.
Tweed sport jacket, red turtleneck,
round, nearly invisible jawline.
- Hot.
- Coming down.
Yes. He's brilliant.
I began assisting him in his Ph.D. thesis,
and we couldn't help but fall in love.
Going up.
So he's wonderful to you,
and he really gets you,
and he makes you feel safe
to be yourself around him,
and he supports you
in pursuing your dreams?
Um
Yeah.
I mean, up until this point,
I've mainly been helping his pursuits,
but now that he's taken
a full-time position here at USC,
he's going to support me
while I write my novel.
Wow, listening to you two, it's like
you've been sisters your whole lives.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Actually, it's a hammer.
It's not meant to be sharp.
Besides, we don't have a shed.
Or do we, and I just never noticed?
Catch you guys later.
I cannot believe that I'm staying here.
For three whole days.
Three whole days.
Okay, my turn. Truth.
Have I told you about the time that I was
briefly the princess of Lichtenstein?
[Claire] And things just got
kind of stale with Evan.
And all that initial passion
and excitement wore off,
and we were left with nothing
but the same boring routines.
- How long were you two together?
- Eleven days.
Claire, I'm not gonna tell you this again.
You gotta wait on your tables.
Oops. I forgot. Thanks, Howard.
[sighs] Worst waitress we've ever had.
- But the customers love her.
- Of course.
Oh. What are you reading? I'm a bookworm
myself. An autodidact, if you will.
Oh, fantastic. I have been yearning
for some stimulating discourse.
It's Remembrance of Things Past,
his finest, don't you think?
Actually, I haven't gotten
to that one yet.
Right now I'm working my way
through a tremendous text.
The Da Vinci Code.
Lots of archeology, ancient religion
stuff. A lot of people don't get it.
Anyway, I'll leave you to your book.
Oh. Finally some quiet.
Hey, it's Chelsea.
- [Solana] Hey.
- Hey.
Chelsea, remember
how you mentioned the shed?
Yes. It was a determinative experience.
Right. I triple-checked, and we don't
have a shed. It's really weighing on me.
Oh. Grant, that was an off-handed comment.
- I didn't meant for it to be a thing.
- No. I'm glad you said something.
It all comes back to the fact
that my father got mad
if I didn't put away my toys.
So I used to just shove them
under the bed,
which is exactly where I keep my tools.
I got mostly smaller stuff now.
A hammer, wrench, pliers.
What if I get a lawn mower?
It'll have nowhere to go.
It's just a real bummer.
Sweetie, I get it.
My mom used to get mad at me too.
She'd say, "Smile big.
The Tucson Mall fashion show is
a launching pad for regional print work."
[cell phone rings]
I have to take this.
Dwayne, thank God.
I can't be around these people.
My brain is starting to liquefy.
Can you move your flight up a day? What?
What is it?
Tenure track at Harvard? Oh, my God.
Congratulations, honeydew.
This is everything we've ever wanted.
I'll get on a plane as soon as possible.
I can't wait of get out of What?
Sorry, I ordered
the seasonal vegetable salad,
and this is a giant steak.
Shoot, I always get those two confused.
Hey, how did your job interview go
last week?
Oh. I can't believe you remembered.
I actually got it.
Oh, that's amazing.
That's so good to hear.
Okay, let's get this order right.
You know what?
I've been vegan for nine years.
I could use the iron.
I just got dumped.
By Dwayne.
"The Rock" Johnson?
He wants to embark
on this new chapter with a clean slate.
This whole time, he was using me
for my female perspective
on Garcilaso de la Vega's ahistoricism!
It's so obvious!
Screw that guy.
For real, he doesn't deserve you.
I don't know what I'm gonna do now.
I just graduated.
I have no money, no career,
no place to live.
I don't why I'm packing. I can't go back.
I can't show my face
at the Cambridge Common.
- I'd be a pariah of the intelligentsia!
- You're nothing like a piranha.
Piranhas are vicious
and impossible to get close to.
Maybe you are like a piranha.
- But in a good way.
- This is just not how it's supposed to be.
It's just It's not how
- When I first
- Hey, hey! It's okay.
We should think of this as a blessing.
We get rid of Dwayne, and
- And you can live with me.
- Claire
No, it's perfect!
We've only just begun our SBFF bonding.
And I'm an expert at the post-breakup
ritual. We can eat pizza and drink wine.
We can watch The Princess Diaries 2!
Will you stop? None of those things
sound even remotely appealing.
I was just trying to be nice.
Yeah, well, it's easy to be nice
when things go your way.
You live in this alternate universe
where everything's easy
and everyone falls in love with you,
and vegans eat steak.
Meanwhile,
I have been toiling my whole life
- for every inch of my academic success.
- [woman moaning nearby]
- [Grant] Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Is that?
That's Grant having sex.
Don't change the subject.
It's not my fault that I'm nice
and that people like me.
Have you ever noticed how hard I work?
I've had a job since I was 16
while Mom and Dad let you do
whatever you wanted!
I couldn't have a job in high school.
The literary criticism
debate team traveled.
- [Grant] Oh, yeah. Yeah, here we go!
- [women giggling]
What is he doing in there?
When you chose to stay with me,
I thought, "Wow, Chelsea and I
are finally going to connect."
I didn't choose to stay with you.
I tried everyone I knew in L.A.
before calling you.
I mean, this is the last place
that I want to be,
as you people would say, "Literally."
Do you know why I wanted to make
puffy paint shirts?
Because the last time we did that
was my 7th birthday.
It's my favorite memory of us.
It's the way it used to be
before you started ignoring me.
You probably don't even,
as you people would say, "Recall."
Claire
- You don't understand.
- No, don't tell me what I understand.
You think I'm dumb, but I'm not.
And look around you.
I have a job, I have a place to live,
and I have a life that I love.
What do you have?
[door slams]
Wow, thank you.
Yeah, that was amazing, truly.
I'm proud of all of us.
Hoo!
You just never know who you're gonna meet
at the grocery store.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Well, I would love to take the place
for a month, if that's okay.
And as for rent,
I don't have the money, per se,
but I can make up for it
in free Latin lessons.
Hello?
Hello?
[speaks in Spanish]
There's something I want you to see.
Your glutes popping
after those lunges I showed you?
No, something else. Follow me.
But you're right. They really are.
Okay, close your eyes.
Follow me. You can come too, boo-boo.
Okay, keep them closed.
Okay. I saw how sad you were
about not having a shed for a minute
before your threesome,
so I bought you one.
What?
The guy at the store, who, by the way,
looked like Paul Giamatti, yum.
Clearly obsessed with me.
He said this is the biggest one they have.
I have the best friends.
And the best shed.
Love you, Grant.
I love you too, man.
Quick pic.
Ooh, yay. I picked this shed color
based on my skin tone
and it's working.
- I can't believe he bought you a shed.
- Your friends would do the same.
No, I don't think
anyone would buy me a shed.
For a myriad of reasons.
You okay?
Oh. Yeah, I mean,
it's just that I have nowhere to go,
and no one to turn to
because no one wants me.
I am basically a social piranha.
Oh, God, it's contagious.
You know
it's funny.
I was really bummed
about not having a shed.
And then I had sex with Jane and Tiffany.
And I still felt bummed.
Really? Because it sounded like
you were riding Splash Mountain in there.
And now I have a shed.
And don't get me wrong,
having a shed is awesome.
But it's not the shed that matters.
It's the tools inside it.
Are you teaching me a lesson
through the rhetorical device of metaphor?
I don't know.
Because if you are, and tools are friends,
and sheds are the socially constructed
expectations of success,
then I have been wasting my time
focusing on sheds instead of tools.
Wow, Grant, that's actually really wise.
Thank you.
Anytime.
Really.
Okay. Let's see, needs more
[door opens]
Hi.
Hi.
Wait, Claire.
Um
On your 7th birthday,
we made puffy paint shirts.
And yours said "Claire" in bright pink.
And you spilled Cheeto dust all over it.
You do recall!
Yeah. You were crying, you were so upset.
And then you put Cheeto dust
all over yours to make me feel better.
Yeah.
You were so sweet back then.
So why'd you stop?
What did I do wrong?
Oh.
No, no, I mean, it
It wasn't you.
Um
Do you remember after the divorce,
when Dad used to call
all the time and ask for me?
Yeah. He always liked you more.
He wasn't calling to talk to me.
He was calling to tell me
what to tell Mom.
And then she'd complain about Dad,
and I'd have to interpret it back to him.
They really put me in the middle.
Like Malcolm.
I pulled away because I wanted
to protect you from all their petty crap.
And I didn't really know
how else to do it.
I had no idea.
Let me show you something.
I was trying to match the original.
Chelsea.
Oh.
Oh, I really did miss you.
I missed you too.
Ooh.
What is that stuff?
It's hibiscus and dandelion root
to clear the toxins.
Oh.
Is it working?
No.
Look, I just wanna say
thank you to all of you
for letting me live here.
I've never been a tool before.
And it was a great idea
turning the shed into a hang zone.
Now it's a shedroom.
'Cause shedroom sounds like bedroom.
- That is so cool.
- I love that!
That is so cute!
I'm gonna make popcorn.
Does anyone want some?
- Yes.
- Sure.
And, Chels, we're gonna have to
get you on Insta, right? Yeah, it's time.
Oh, you know what?
Again, it's really not for me.
I'm of the emerging perspective
that social media creates
a paradigm of vapidness.
I am too. Of that. Uh, too.
You're on social media, aren't you?
What? No, I'm not.
It's okay. I can keep a secret.
Okay, fine. I'm addicted to Instagram.
I can't stop.
And I'm a huge Jayden Jay J.
Michael Jiang fan.
I almost freaked out when I met him.
He's the reason
I bought this plant-based lip balm.
He said it would make my lips as soft
as a baby's bottom. And he was right.
Please don't tell anybody, okay?
It's my guilty pleasure.
Why would you feel guilty
about a pleasure?
Oh.
I never thought of it that way.
Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.
I'm really looking forward
to getting closer to you.
You wanna get close to me?
Of course.
I wanna be close
to the woman I love's sister.
- I'm sorry, did you say "sister"?
- Yeah.
Claire. I'm talking about Claire.
Your sister, Claire.
- Yeah.
- I'm in love with Claire.
I got it.
Um, I just thought the breakup was mutual.
It was, but only for Claire.
- Popcorn. Extra sugar.
- Yes!
Okay, Chels. House rule:
You can't eat popcorn
unless someone throws it in your mouth.
Yes!
[shouts]
- That was so good!
- Grant.
Solana.
Screw it. Hit me.
[all cheering]
[theme music playing]