Privileged s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
What used to mean a fun night out with friends Is running rampant right here in our very own meat-Packing district.
Not since the 17th century have we rewarded such hedonism, Such vulgarity-- Man: megan! You're sounding newscaster-Y again.
[Sighs.]
I am? Crap! And i'm confused.
Weren't you supposed to cover An actual club opening? Yeah.
But instead you chose to pitch a story about clubbing in general Because You couldn't get into the club.
Ha ha,dude! Ok, it's no big whoop.
This is a way better story, trust me.
Nice shower cap, by the way.
I'm dying my hair red.
Wanna know why? Because red is bold.
Red grabs people by the collar, And it says,"promote me.
I am ready for greatness.
" It makes me think of angie everhart, Which inevitably leads to porn.
I have paid my dues, charlie.
I've done the coffee runs, I've xeroxed my butt off.
It is time that I earned some cash So I can pay off my yale loans And get started on my real life.
And if you get this promotion, Would that mean you could move out of that Smokey rat trap you call home? Huh, welcome to new york,amigo.
This rat trap costs a fortune.
And what do you mean by smokey? Boy: hey,lady! I can see your vajayjay.
Thank you.
Great.
Now I gotta pee.
So it stands to reason that versailles is the name of popular nightclubs on both coasts.
Miss whalen? It's just so bright.
Yeah,well,i just, um,i figured, Everybody loves lucille ball, But nobody ever does anything about it,right? Should I continue? Actually, i'm going to stop you.
And not because of the hair, Although I find it terribly distracting.
But you seem to have totally missed the point of the assignment,megan.
Well,on the surface,yes.
There's nothing below the surface, And that's what you're not getting.
This is a tabloid magazine.
When I ask you to cover a club, That means that I want cell phone pictures of models doing coke, Of actresses puking up their drinks While adopting children from really sad countries.
And before you ask, no,i don't want The story on the really sad country.
Sad countries,negative.
Okey-Dokey.
So next time-- There's not going to be a next time.
You're not getting the promotion,megan.
And i'm sorry, but i'm afraid that I can't keep you in your current position.
Look,you're a great girl.
We've worked together for 10 months.
Please don't cry.
Here,take this.
I'm sorry.
You know,it's just My apartment burned down last night, did I mention that? The whole seventh floor, just poof! Gone.
Yeah,so that happened.
And now this is happening.
I'm being fired from a job that I didn't even want in the first place.
Not that this isn't a great magazine, It's justit's not the kind of writing that I should be doing.
What do you want to write about,she asked, While wishing she could return to her own work.
I want to write about people that matter.
People who are changing the world through art, Or diplomacy or science.
I want to write the next great biography on hillary clinton, And dedicate it to my daughter.
You have a daughter? My future, hypothetical daughter.
Which is about as likely as my hillary interview, Considering the fact that I haven't had sex in 2 years, And i'm a homeless person with peppermint patty hair.
Oh,my god, everything is bad! Look,here's the thing.
There are no tracks.
If you want to write about fancy people, You have to travel in fancy people circles.
Get to know them.
Get them to trust you.
Thanks.
I'll just go right on home and check out fancyfolks.
Com And see if they have any available internships.
Or maybe I can help you.
Have you ever flown private before? A dear friend of mine is interviewing people at her estate in palm beach.
I'm not certain what the job entails, But i'm certain it would change your life.
I know palm beach.
It's a little too fabulous for me.
Fabulously fun,wealthy and connected.
I mean,if you get the job, you'd be mingling with the most important people in the world.
What have you got to lose,megan? Holy moly.
Megan smith.
Fantastic,you're here.
Hi,mrs.
Limoges.
Oh,call me laurel.
Solid handshake.
I like that in a woman.
You're not afraid of many things, are you,megan? Snakes.
Oh,and sharks.
But mainly just those two things.
Oh,and terrorism.
So snakes,sharks and terrorism.
Relax.
Deborah already warned me that you werequirky.
Megan: so have you always lived here? Laurel: oh,no,no,no.
I snatched up this property about 6 years ago When I was going through my real estate phase.
I grew up in hancock,maine.
That's where I met my husband.
Small town girl marries high school sweetheart.
Oh,i love that story.
Yes,it is a good one.
Right up until the part when I lost him to cancer.
We'd only been married for a few years at that point.
My daughter never even got to know him.
You have a daughter? Had.
She and her husband were killed in a plane crash 10 years ago.
I know it's a lot of tragedy to absorb in 20 seconds, But just be glad you didn't have to live through it.
I am so sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
The curator for the museum is on the line.
He says it's urgent.
The french always think it's urgent when it's about them.
Give me a second.
Oh,yeah,right here.
Bonjour,aldo.
The problem,aldo, is that you've had my favorite degas on loan for 3 years, And now you want my matisse.
I know I agreed, And you agreed to write a check for my foundation, Which I have yet to receive.
So You,uh, collect art? I dabble in everything.
But I only commit to things that truly matter.
Which brings me to why you're here.
My dear husband left me a small cosmetics company, Which I turned into a large cosmetics empire.
My daughter left me 2 grandchildren, Rose and sage.
Beautiful names, excellent spices.
It's like I have tourettes.
They're delightful teenagers.
Strong wills and good hearts.
But their grades are lousy.
They need a proper tutor; Someone who can keep their gpa u And ultimately land them 2 spots at duke.
You want me to be their tutor? I've gone through 3 already, But none of them had your academic background.
I think that's going to make all the difference.
Oh,i'm sure that it would.
It's just,um,after talking to deborah, I assumed thatthat I would be working for you.
You will be working for me.
Right.
Here's the thing-- I've never taught anyone anything.
I'm a writer.
I know.
The girls are in school most of the day.
That time is yours.
If you want to write,write.
No one's going to stop you.
You'll have a room of your own and a car at your disposal.
I'll give you 1,500 a week.
And if you succeed in getting them into duke, I'll cover the remainder of your college loans.
So what do you say,megan? Are you in? I'm in! Good.
Then it's time to meet the girls.
Uh,good morning.
Sage,get up.
I think you just tased our new tutor! Poor rumer willis.
Try not to drool on the table,honey.
It's from france.
Ah,here you go.
Have some of my coffee.
You'll feel good as new.
No offense, person I don't know, But I just got tased.
I don't think coffee's going to-- That's not coffee.
That's something only god can make.
Thank you.
Just for that, you'll be one of the first hundred people I invite to my cafe when it opens.
After my indentured servitude here is complete,that is.
Marco giordani, personal chef to madame limoges and the wicked stepchildren.
[Chuckles.]
i'm-- Huckles.]
i'm-- Your megan.
Tutor.
I know.
Can you see me in this suit? Yeah,the color,maybe not, but the cut to die,right? Um,yeah.
I'm going to see if I can get my tailor to copy it For the first event of the season.
It's only a few days away.
Oh,i'm sorry.
Do you know what the season is? A series of charity ball events Hosted by the rich and famous Whose proceeds go to the poor and miserable.
Ooh,bitchy.
I love it.
But how'd you know? Let's just say i'm familiar with the area.
Hi,you must be megan.
Look,we are so sorry-- Where are the raspberries? It's just that everybody knows not to come in our room before noon, So sage,she was just being safe by shooting you.
Oh,well Can't argue with safety.
Um,i'm megan.
Your grandmother hired me to-- We know who you are.
And p.
S.
, I puke cuter than that outfit you're wearing.
Sage,be nice.
I am.
Constructive criticism saves lives,marco.
Oh,also we're under strict orders from our photographer to get 11 hours of sleep a night.
Otherwise we would have gotten up earlier to meet you.
Your photographer? Rose and sage have a photo shoot coming up for oceanview magazine.
It's a very big deal.
In fact, Why don't you girls show megan the wardrobe choices? Versace provided the gowns.
Or we could go over the books you girls read.
Your grandmother gave me your reading list.
Oh,no, we didn't read any.
But we only had to read one, So technically, we just didn't read one, Which is a lot better than not reading all of them,right? Right.
Okey dokey.
Uh,well,school starts in 5 days.
And I noticed one of the choices was the great gatsby, Which happens to be one of my favorites.
So,um,9 chapters, 3 a day.
Two in the morning, one in the afternoon.
Leave the evening for discussion.
And then day 4, we'll construct a thesis for each of you, So when you get back to school, You'll be ahead of the curve.
Did she say okey dokey? Ok.
All right.
I--I'm really liking this plan.
All right.
What do you say you girls grab your books And meet me in the library in 4.
2 minutes? Go team baker.
Whoo! The "whoo" killed it.
Next time,no "whoo.
" Ooh.
Look at you with all the waiting.
It's so cute.
They left.
They left? But-- Calm down,honey.
They'll be back.
Besides,this is palm beach.
Live a little.
I love you,car.
Charlie? Charlie: hey,how did it go with the whole clubbing pitch? Oh,it went wellish.
So were you out all night celebrating? Not exactly.
Um,i didn't actually get that job, But deborah recommended me for another position that I did wind up getting.
Oh,i want to hear all about it.
Let me call you when I get out of work,ok? Yeah,yeah,sure,sure, but could you do me a favor before you hang up? Could you take my order? Holy crap! Look at you, your hair! What are you doing here?! Uh,well,officially, I am the new tutor for 16-Year-Old billionaires Rose and sage baker.
And unofficially, I am dying for a chowder bowl.
You work for the evil baker twins? How did that happen? Well,they're not evil.
I mean,yes,they did tase me, But,uh,that was more of a precautionary measure.
Oh,but their grandmother is amazing.
She might be my newest mentor.
I mean,maybe.
It's kind of soon to tell.
But either way, It's,um, it's a pretty sweet deal Considering the fact that I have no other options.
Yeah,my job comes with a hairnet.
I don't judge.
Does your dad know you're back? Uh,well,technically, i'm not back.
I mean,yes, i'm back in the state, But states are awfully large.
And it's not like i'm going to be running into pops At the bath and tennis club.
So he doesn't know, not telling him.
Got it.
But if I run into him-- Charlie,no.
Ok.
Ooh,the girls are back.
I gotta go.
It's just,i see him around all the time.
And your sister.
Oh,my god,charlie, please do not tell lily.
I can't even deal with that right now.
So you want me to lie to your whole family? Omission.
Just lie by omission.
Oh,and if you start feeling guilty, Remember the key point.
Which is? I'm not back.
Do not text him! I'm not.
I was just checking to see if he was texting me.
???????????? We're over him, remember? He hurt you once.
T you once.
He's lucky I didn't run him over with my car.
But if you give him the chance to hurt you again,then i'll have to kill him.
Which means i'll wind up in prison, Which means we'll never get to havevanother pinkberry moment together.
Oh,i love our pinkberry moments! What's a pinkberry moment? A conversation you weren't invited to.
Okey dokey.
Well,what do you say we hit the books? The roaring twenties await.
Well,they'll have to wait a little longer.
We still have 40 more minutes left of core work.
Ok,look,i'm not gonna play this game.
You have a book to read, And it's my job to make sure you read it.
So,jay gatsby, Daisy buchanan-- Are doomed, 'Cause daisy's a gold digger and gatsby's a scam artistvwho's probably gay anyway.
Big who cares.
I take it you did read the book.
I skimmed a few pages, and it's obvious the guy's a closet case.
Interesting theory.
Man does own a lot of shirts.
But,you know, you might want-- Let's talk about fun stuff.
Like our very own megan smith.
Graduated yale with a b.
A.
In english lit.
Thesis topic, phallic imagery In the early works of james joyce.
I take it you googled me.
Oh,we tried, but you weren't very google-Able.
You didn't even have any web images.
I know,i know, it's something I aspire to.
What about boyfriends? What about 'em? Ever had any, or is it also something you aspire to? I had one, freshman year in college.
But it turned out he was more interested in my sister lily than me.
Your sister stole your boyfriend? Sort of.
But that's not important.
Oh,that is the most tragic thing i've ever heard! That's even worse than when max threw a sheep at meon the same day that he threw a groundhog at melissa.
Ok,first of all, it wasn't a sheep, it was a ham, And second, max is a douchebag.
A douchebag who doesn't deserve me.
No.
You guys are so lucky.
I would kill to have the relationship with lily that you guys have.
It's really rare.
Almost as rare as the love between gatsby and daisy.
Um,have you guys ever heard of flappers? Our friend madison wore a flapper dress to semi-Formal last year.
Tacky,tacky,tacky.
Oh,room.
I may love you even more than car.
How's it going with my girls? Oh,great.
We're just finishing the book.
Well,actually, we're starting it.
And then we'll finish it.
There's a whole plan in place.
Well,that's fine.
But I hope you realize you're not being graded on your lesson plan.
Thank you.
You're being graded on their grades.
How they achieve that "a" is of little importance to me.
Or was I not clear about that? No.
Uh,no,you were.
Um,it makes sense.
Good.
Fantastic.
Well,i'm off to adjust the seating arrangement for the fundraiser saturday night.
As if I didn't have enough to worry about, My coordinator decided to seat governor crist next to nancy pelosi! Can you imagine? I can't imagine how you stay sane with all you have to do every day.
It's just the appearance of sanity that counts,my dear.
Remember that.
Notes on laurel limoges appearance is everyt Hey,marco,have you seen the--You're not marco.
What gave it away? Heh.
I'm sorry, i'm new here, So I don't know all the help yet.
And I just called you the help.
Which sounds really awful, but since i'm the help,too, Maybe it's less bad? Well,it depends.
Who are you helping? Oh,um,i'm sorry, i'm megan smith.
I'm the new tutor for rose and sage.
Will davis, omelet taster.
They have people here specifically to taste-- To taste omelets.
Oh,absolutely.
If laurel even smells a bad egg, it's over.
She has an incredibly sensitive olfactory system.
You're not an omelet taster.
No? How can you be so sure? I mean,there are people in this town Who remove toe fat for a living.
Do you know why? Because you can't have a pudgy pinky Sticking out of a jimmy choo.
Well,well,i see you've met our neighbor.
He's so gorgeous! So,you're the neighbor? Will likes to stop by every now and again To taste my new recipes.
This guy is an unbelievable chef.
He's the best in palm beach.
Ah,that's very nice.
Did megan tell you that she's an aspiring writer? Oh really? That's cool.
You should meet my dad.
He used to run random house before he started his own publishing company.
Really? Well,i would love to meet your dad.
I mean,i should probably work with the girls first, Well,i didn't mean now.
He's in rome.
Right.
Ok,good.
Yes,well then, when rome is done, Your dad and I will split a bagel.
Has anyone seen rose and sage? Oh,they left for their photo shoot over an hour ago,honey.
Crap.
You know what, maybe i'll just go down there.
I mean,there's gotta be some down time.
Oh.
You know That there's no way that those girls are going to do homework In the middle of their first photo shoot,right? Well,they would if they cared about their grades, Which,of course, They don't, because how lame is that,right? Look,they'll be back soon enough.
In the meantime, why don't you let me Show you around your new neighborhood? Might help you take your mind off things.
Technically,this exhibit isn't open to the public until tomorrow, But I was able to pull a few strings,and-- You are not listening to a word i'm saying, are you? I'm sorry.
I,um,i'm just really worried about the time.
I know you may think my job is stupid, But I don't have a trust fund to fall back on.
Just because I have a trust fund Doesn't mean I don't plan on working.
Well,your dad Oh,that's cool.
I guess you're broke, So you can make all kinds of assumptions about me, But if I were to do that you-- You know what You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's fine.
So what do you want to do? For work,i mean.
You want to be muhammad ali? Sports photography.
It's crazy competitive, And it's pretty lucrative,too.
But that's not why I like it.
Why do you like it? 'Cause it's all about instinct.
You take action, or you miss the moment.
And that's it.
When it's over, it's over.
There's no do-Overs.
Yeah,i tend to miss my moments.
More of a stewer than a doer, As my dad would say.
Yeah? What does your dad do? Um,drinks too much.
Wallows in the past.
You know, fun stuff like that.
Are you close with him? Not really.
You close with your dad? Not really.
Look at that-- Something in common.
Hello? Sage,are you ok? Wait,what's wrong? Ok,ok,i'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
To be continued.
Megan,thank god you're here.
Whoa,that's not a gown.
What's going on? What's wrong? We need your signature.
Apparently being under 18 is like a thing to these people.
That's the life or death situation? What am I signing? It's just a waiver.
Rose forgot to give it to laurel.
Um,hello? Yes,our guardian's here,and she's clearly over 21.
You can check her license if you want.
They were supposed to get a signature from their mother.
Grandmother.
Our mother is dead, thank you very much.
Feeling stupid yet? I'm sorry.
Their grandmother was supposed to sign the form Before they showed up.
Ok.
Why didn't you just call laurel? I tried like 5 times and she won't pick up.
But it doesn't matter, 'cause all we need is someone over 21 Who's responsible for us.
It's no big deal.
Ok,uh You know, I really don't-- I don't feel comfortable doing this.
I'm not technically their guardian, I'm just the tutor.
It doesn't matter.
Well,maybe it does.
Legally speaking.
Not that i'm a lawyer.
Are you are you a lawyer? No.
Ok.
No lawyers here, so--Ow! Oh! What are you doing? Sage,this outfit is a little much.
I mean,the girls are out to play.
Maybe you could just ask them to wear something else.
I mean,i don't think they'll mind.
Looki just don't want you to do anything that you're going to regret.
Ok,people, that's a wrap.
What? Oh That's a wrap.
The only person that's going to regret this moment is you.
???????????? Cut the girl some serious orphan slack,and I do.
I do.
I feel bad for her.
???????????? I also feel like giving her a giant wedgie.
Is that wrong? Just because she had something bad happen to her Doesn't give her the right to be a total bitch.
Your mom left you when you were 7.
Yeah,but not by dying.
By choice.
Which I used to think was worse, But now i'm not so sure.
And they didn't just lose their mother.
They lost both of their parents.
I'd be angry,too.
I wouldn't be a slutty ho-Bag, But i'd be pissed.
Just do their homework, collect your paycheck, And get some of your own writing done.
It's not your job to save these girls.
I am not trying to save them.
Ok,maybe i'm trying to save them a little.
But not in the woody allen hooker saving kind of way.
These girls are smart.
I mean, they could do so much more with their lives than they realize.
No one's really looking out for 'em.
They got drivers and trainers.
No one who actually cares.
If I can help them live up to their full potential, What's wrong with that? I mean, maybe they need me.
If you're just using them for their connections, that's cool.
I'm not using them.
Am i? I don't know.
This wasn't the plan.
The plan just, it fell apart, And i'm just trying to hold it together.
And you're making me feel like a really bad person.
I'm sorry.
It's ok.
Hey,c.
K.
I hear fergie's coming to town next weekend.
You going? I'm thinkin' about it,yeah.
Cool.
Maybe i'll see you there.
Oh,my god.
That girl totally just hit on you! What if I was your girlfriend? Well,you're not.
She doesn't know that.
C.
K.
,mr.
I'm thinkin' about it.
Since when do you have moves? Ugh,everyone changes but me.
That is not true.
You've changed.
You used to be the most focused person I knew.
Goal-Oriented, super motivated and ambitious.
But now you're all over the place.
Well,is that a good thing or a bad thing? I think it's both.
Rose? Oh,hey.
Sorry for stalking.
I just wanted to say thank you.
Um,i couldn't before because,obviously.
Sage would beat you? She's really not as tough as she acts.
No,but I was glad that you came and took over, Because I had seen that photographer's work before, And I just--I sort of just had this feeling It might go down that way.
You didn't forget to give laurel that form.
Rose,you don't have to do everything your sister wants.
You know that, right? Oh,no,no,it's not like that at all.
I mean,it is, but it's not because i'm scared of her.
I mean,i am, kind of,but That's not the main reason.
So what's the main reason? I don't want to make her sad.
'Cause if I told her that I didn't want to do The things that she wanted to do, It'd be like I was judging her.
Ok.
But what do you want to do? I want to get into duke.
I think my mom would have been Pretty psyched if that happened.
Ok.
Well,then we are going to get you into duke.
But you gotta read that book first.
Oh,i just did, and I cannot believe That daisy just left gatsby like that.
I mean,seriously, how do you just Walk away from someone that you supposedly love? People do that all the time.
I--I did it that my sister.
Yeah,but that's because she stole your boyfriend.
That's totally different.
True.
But it, you know, She could have maybe just done that To get back at me.
Get back at you for what? For leaving her alone with our sad dad.
Our mom kind of took off when we were kids, And he sucked at being a human being after that.
I-I couldn't wait to leave home, And I didn't really think twice About what that would mean for lily.
But you had to go to college.
I mean,come on, you couldn't not go to yale Just to hang out with your sister,right? Yeah.
That's what I tell myself.
But let me ask you this-- If you got into duke and sage didn't, Would you go? You have to get us both in,ok? Ok.
[Laughter.]
Megan,laurel would like to see you downstairs.
Come in,come in.
Can I get you something? You're totally fired.
Clearly,my granddaughter is upset.
I thought that was serious.
No,no,no.
You are fired, But that's not the way we let someone go.
Um,i'm not sure that I understand.
Sage was looking to work with you this evening, But apparently, you were nowhere to be found.
True or false? I mean,technically, it's true-Ish.
But I mean, if you let me explain-- No need.
It's simply not a good fit.
Your flight leaves in the morning.
Marco will fix you a treat to take with you on the plane.
Which is awfully nice of us, considering.
Considering what? Megan-- No,excuse me,laurel, but i'm talking to sage.
You clearly have no idea what's going on with your family.
Unless you wanted your only granddaughters To be photographed looking like underaged porn stars for the entire palm beach community to enjoy.
Maybe next time you'll pick up the phone when they call.
Considering what? Ugh,forget it.
No,don't stop now.
You're runnin' the show, aren't you? I mean,you decide what happens to me, what happens to rose.
But with great power comes great responsibility.
Shout out to uncle ben.
So if you're going to make all the decisions, You better understand the consequences.
You don't care about school,that's fine.
Want to do the whole wasted heiress routine? Good for you.
It's a little played out, But clearly,nobody is going to stop you.
However,you might want to consider your sister Before you drag her down the sorry path That you are so hell-Bent on cruising.
You can take it.
But i'm not so sure rose can.
Oh,and Uncle ben is spiderman's uncle,not mine.
Just--I want to make that clear.
Marco: oh,good, you're up.
I was just about to get you,but I hate seeing people sleep.
It's just one of my things.
And wrists.
I hate looking at people's wrists.
Um,why? Am I late? I thought my flight wasn't for another 2 hours.
Your flight's been cancelled.
But your hair appointment's in 20 minutes.
Lucky for you, my boyfriend owns a salon Or you never would have gotten in today.
Ok,why would I need a hair appointment? Well,you're going to the ball,cinderella.
And i've been assigned the role of your fairy.
Lucky me.
I don't think you understand.
I-- I was fired last night.
Yes,and apparently you were rehired this morning.
Laurel wants you to go the fundraiser so you can keep an eye on the girls.
Wait a minute.
This is insane.
Where's laurel? Laurel Oh,good.
You're here.
Can you hand me that stack of books there? Um,laurel, Marco told me that I wasn't fired.
That's right.
I've changed my mind.
Why? I mean, what caused that? You did.
Quite bold the way you took sage in hand last night.
I don't think i've ever seen that before.
Oh,maybe it's in the other library.
You have more than-- Wait,not the point.
Look,laurel, I cannot live this rollercoaster life, Wondering if i'm going to be fired every time I tell sage she's gotta do her homework.
Completely fair.
Which is why I drew up a contract, Barring any illegal activity on your part, I cannot fire you for the next 6 months.
And if you want to negotiate extra spa days, I'm willing to discuss it.
I don't want spa days.
I just want to do the right thing.
Me,too.
They need you,megan.
You can make a difference in their lives.
I know it's a lot to ask, But I think it could be worth it.
I will make it worth it for you.
What is that goop on your face? I'm pretty sure it's hemorrhoid cream.
Glide,dear.
Glide.
You glide.
I'm wearing heels.
If you're gonna trip, trip on him.
Marco.
Not too shabby.
Is that a compliment? Oh,my god.
You know that girl? Sort of.
She's my sister.
You never said that you had a sister.
Not surprising.
She likes to pretend I don't exist.
What are you doing here? I was invited.
What,you find it so hard to believe that I could be invited to something like this? ???????????? Gladental person.
Oh,get over yourself,lily.
I'm not judging you.
You'll have to excuse us, it's been a while.
Lily smith.
Will davis.
I live next door to megan, Oh,in new york? Uh,no,here in palm beach.
You live in palm beach? Right.
So a funny thing happened-- Did you ever live in new york? What? No, of course I did.
I just got here.
Today? Look,just because I didn't tell you that I moved here does not make me a liar.
Doesn't make you a good sister,either.
But that's old news.
Mmm! Megan! You look so pretty.
Hi,will.
Oh,so pretty.
Do you know will? Ok,and we're done with that.
Hello,i don't believe we've met.
I'm rose baker.
I'm lily.
Megan's sister.
No way.
Oh,this is so cool, I want to die! Take a number.
I can't believe that you're here! And,megan,you just look so pretty, So it's all even.
Yay to whoever did your make-Up.
Rose,um-- And look,it's not like i'm going to take sides, Because obviously I don't know the whole story, But I think that if you apologize to megan For making out with her boyfriend, Then I don't think you guys-- Wait,you have a boyfriend? Sorry.
Carry on.
You told her about evan? No-- Yeah.
Look,does it even matter? It does if you go around Only telling your side of the story, Like you always do.
Oh,please,lily.
You don't know what I do on a semi-Regular basis,let alone always.
And whose fault is that? Right,right, Because phones only work in one direction.
Good effort.
Who needs more champagne? What will it be? Oh,it'll be a cold day in hell before I apologize to her.
Even if I did make a few mistakes, It could never compare to the level of betrayal That she is capable of.
And believe me, It is a significant level of betrayal.
Brutus,judas, Brangelina! Whiskey,straight up.
It's not that big a deal.
It was totally low-Rent anyway.
That's not what I heard.
You must be so humiliated.
I can't believe the photographer just walked out like that.
That's actually not how it happened.
Were you just not pretty enough? God,i would die if someone said that to my face.
They didn't.
Well,not to your face, but obviously Um,sage sorry to interrupt, But I just wanted to let you know That annie called me back, And she wants to schedule the photo shoot for some time next week.
Everyone, this is megan smith.
Laurel recently hired her from manhattan to help rose with her school work.
Oh,what did you do in new york? Um,mainly magazine stuff.
Which is how I know annie.
You're not talking about annie leibovitz, are you? Is there any other annie worth anything? Next saturday should be fine.
Ok.
Um, i'll tell her.
Nice to meet you.
Megan? Charlie! I didn't know you were still doing this.
Yeah,uh, carlo hooks me up whenever he can.
I've been kind of strapped for cash these days, and the pay is good.
My sister is in there.
Yeah,i saw.
Are you ok? Yeah.
I'm fine.
She's probably all over will by now, but whatever.
Did you come here with that guy? Of course not.
Then how do you know him? Oh,it's a long story, but I have got to go hide.
Megan You look really pretty.
Oh,this is good.
A little me time.
I'm not doing this with you,lily.
I thought you were my sister.
[Scoffs.]
hardly.
I just came in to find out what time the shoot is.
What shoot? The leibovitz shoot.
Oh,sage,no, there isn't actually-- I was just trying to help you.
You don't think I can take care of myself? Because,spoiler alert, i've been doing it my whole life.
I take care of me and rose.
If she has a problem, she comes to me.
That's how it works.
Sage,i wasn't trying-- I know exactly what you were trying to do.
You want to play big sister all over again, And maybe this time you'll get it right.
The problem is, that position has already been filled.
You don't get to just waltz in here And take away the one person in this world who means anything to me.
So back off.
Or i'll make your life more miserable Than you can possibly imagine.
I don't respond to empty threats.
And I don't make them.
Which is why I invited your sister lily to the event tonight.
You? I just love a good reunion episode.
Congratulations on getting to keep your new job.
It's gonna be super fun.
Sage! There you are.
Come,come.
Palm beach society awaits.
Good evening.
I want to introduce you to megan smith.
Megan,this is mr.
And mrs.
Hubbard.
Hi,nice to meet you.
Senator webber and his wife sally.
Hi.
And senator
Not since the 17th century have we rewarded such hedonism, Such vulgarity-- Man: megan! You're sounding newscaster-Y again.
[Sighs.]
I am? Crap! And i'm confused.
Weren't you supposed to cover An actual club opening? Yeah.
But instead you chose to pitch a story about clubbing in general Because You couldn't get into the club.
Ha ha,dude! Ok, it's no big whoop.
This is a way better story, trust me.
Nice shower cap, by the way.
I'm dying my hair red.
Wanna know why? Because red is bold.
Red grabs people by the collar, And it says,"promote me.
I am ready for greatness.
" It makes me think of angie everhart, Which inevitably leads to porn.
I have paid my dues, charlie.
I've done the coffee runs, I've xeroxed my butt off.
It is time that I earned some cash So I can pay off my yale loans And get started on my real life.
And if you get this promotion, Would that mean you could move out of that Smokey rat trap you call home? Huh, welcome to new york,amigo.
This rat trap costs a fortune.
And what do you mean by smokey? Boy: hey,lady! I can see your vajayjay.
Thank you.
Great.
Now I gotta pee.
So it stands to reason that versailles is the name of popular nightclubs on both coasts.
Miss whalen? It's just so bright.
Yeah,well,i just, um,i figured, Everybody loves lucille ball, But nobody ever does anything about it,right? Should I continue? Actually, i'm going to stop you.
And not because of the hair, Although I find it terribly distracting.
But you seem to have totally missed the point of the assignment,megan.
Well,on the surface,yes.
There's nothing below the surface, And that's what you're not getting.
This is a tabloid magazine.
When I ask you to cover a club, That means that I want cell phone pictures of models doing coke, Of actresses puking up their drinks While adopting children from really sad countries.
And before you ask, no,i don't want The story on the really sad country.
Sad countries,negative.
Okey-Dokey.
So next time-- There's not going to be a next time.
You're not getting the promotion,megan.
And i'm sorry, but i'm afraid that I can't keep you in your current position.
Look,you're a great girl.
We've worked together for 10 months.
Please don't cry.
Here,take this.
I'm sorry.
You know,it's just My apartment burned down last night, did I mention that? The whole seventh floor, just poof! Gone.
Yeah,so that happened.
And now this is happening.
I'm being fired from a job that I didn't even want in the first place.
Not that this isn't a great magazine, It's justit's not the kind of writing that I should be doing.
What do you want to write about,she asked, While wishing she could return to her own work.
I want to write about people that matter.
People who are changing the world through art, Or diplomacy or science.
I want to write the next great biography on hillary clinton, And dedicate it to my daughter.
You have a daughter? My future, hypothetical daughter.
Which is about as likely as my hillary interview, Considering the fact that I haven't had sex in 2 years, And i'm a homeless person with peppermint patty hair.
Oh,my god, everything is bad! Look,here's the thing.
There are no tracks.
If you want to write about fancy people, You have to travel in fancy people circles.
Get to know them.
Get them to trust you.
Thanks.
I'll just go right on home and check out fancyfolks.
Com And see if they have any available internships.
Or maybe I can help you.
Have you ever flown private before? A dear friend of mine is interviewing people at her estate in palm beach.
I'm not certain what the job entails, But i'm certain it would change your life.
I know palm beach.
It's a little too fabulous for me.
Fabulously fun,wealthy and connected.
I mean,if you get the job, you'd be mingling with the most important people in the world.
What have you got to lose,megan? Holy moly.
Megan smith.
Fantastic,you're here.
Hi,mrs.
Limoges.
Oh,call me laurel.
Solid handshake.
I like that in a woman.
You're not afraid of many things, are you,megan? Snakes.
Oh,and sharks.
But mainly just those two things.
Oh,and terrorism.
So snakes,sharks and terrorism.
Relax.
Deborah already warned me that you werequirky.
Megan: so have you always lived here? Laurel: oh,no,no,no.
I snatched up this property about 6 years ago When I was going through my real estate phase.
I grew up in hancock,maine.
That's where I met my husband.
Small town girl marries high school sweetheart.
Oh,i love that story.
Yes,it is a good one.
Right up until the part when I lost him to cancer.
We'd only been married for a few years at that point.
My daughter never even got to know him.
You have a daughter? Had.
She and her husband were killed in a plane crash 10 years ago.
I know it's a lot of tragedy to absorb in 20 seconds, But just be glad you didn't have to live through it.
I am so sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
The curator for the museum is on the line.
He says it's urgent.
The french always think it's urgent when it's about them.
Give me a second.
Oh,yeah,right here.
Bonjour,aldo.
The problem,aldo, is that you've had my favorite degas on loan for 3 years, And now you want my matisse.
I know I agreed, And you agreed to write a check for my foundation, Which I have yet to receive.
So You,uh, collect art? I dabble in everything.
But I only commit to things that truly matter.
Which brings me to why you're here.
My dear husband left me a small cosmetics company, Which I turned into a large cosmetics empire.
My daughter left me 2 grandchildren, Rose and sage.
Beautiful names, excellent spices.
It's like I have tourettes.
They're delightful teenagers.
Strong wills and good hearts.
But their grades are lousy.
They need a proper tutor; Someone who can keep their gpa u And ultimately land them 2 spots at duke.
You want me to be their tutor? I've gone through 3 already, But none of them had your academic background.
I think that's going to make all the difference.
Oh,i'm sure that it would.
It's just,um,after talking to deborah, I assumed thatthat I would be working for you.
You will be working for me.
Right.
Here's the thing-- I've never taught anyone anything.
I'm a writer.
I know.
The girls are in school most of the day.
That time is yours.
If you want to write,write.
No one's going to stop you.
You'll have a room of your own and a car at your disposal.
I'll give you 1,500 a week.
And if you succeed in getting them into duke, I'll cover the remainder of your college loans.
So what do you say,megan? Are you in? I'm in! Good.
Then it's time to meet the girls.
Uh,good morning.
Sage,get up.
I think you just tased our new tutor! Poor rumer willis.
Try not to drool on the table,honey.
It's from france.
Ah,here you go.
Have some of my coffee.
You'll feel good as new.
No offense, person I don't know, But I just got tased.
I don't think coffee's going to-- That's not coffee.
That's something only god can make.
Thank you.
Just for that, you'll be one of the first hundred people I invite to my cafe when it opens.
After my indentured servitude here is complete,that is.
Marco giordani, personal chef to madame limoges and the wicked stepchildren.
[Chuckles.]
i'm-- Huckles.]
i'm-- Your megan.
Tutor.
I know.
Can you see me in this suit? Yeah,the color,maybe not, but the cut to die,right? Um,yeah.
I'm going to see if I can get my tailor to copy it For the first event of the season.
It's only a few days away.
Oh,i'm sorry.
Do you know what the season is? A series of charity ball events Hosted by the rich and famous Whose proceeds go to the poor and miserable.
Ooh,bitchy.
I love it.
But how'd you know? Let's just say i'm familiar with the area.
Hi,you must be megan.
Look,we are so sorry-- Where are the raspberries? It's just that everybody knows not to come in our room before noon, So sage,she was just being safe by shooting you.
Oh,well Can't argue with safety.
Um,i'm megan.
Your grandmother hired me to-- We know who you are.
And p.
S.
, I puke cuter than that outfit you're wearing.
Sage,be nice.
I am.
Constructive criticism saves lives,marco.
Oh,also we're under strict orders from our photographer to get 11 hours of sleep a night.
Otherwise we would have gotten up earlier to meet you.
Your photographer? Rose and sage have a photo shoot coming up for oceanview magazine.
It's a very big deal.
In fact, Why don't you girls show megan the wardrobe choices? Versace provided the gowns.
Or we could go over the books you girls read.
Your grandmother gave me your reading list.
Oh,no, we didn't read any.
But we only had to read one, So technically, we just didn't read one, Which is a lot better than not reading all of them,right? Right.
Okey dokey.
Uh,well,school starts in 5 days.
And I noticed one of the choices was the great gatsby, Which happens to be one of my favorites.
So,um,9 chapters, 3 a day.
Two in the morning, one in the afternoon.
Leave the evening for discussion.
And then day 4, we'll construct a thesis for each of you, So when you get back to school, You'll be ahead of the curve.
Did she say okey dokey? Ok.
All right.
I--I'm really liking this plan.
All right.
What do you say you girls grab your books And meet me in the library in 4.
2 minutes? Go team baker.
Whoo! The "whoo" killed it.
Next time,no "whoo.
" Ooh.
Look at you with all the waiting.
It's so cute.
They left.
They left? But-- Calm down,honey.
They'll be back.
Besides,this is palm beach.
Live a little.
I love you,car.
Charlie? Charlie: hey,how did it go with the whole clubbing pitch? Oh,it went wellish.
So were you out all night celebrating? Not exactly.
Um,i didn't actually get that job, But deborah recommended me for another position that I did wind up getting.
Oh,i want to hear all about it.
Let me call you when I get out of work,ok? Yeah,yeah,sure,sure, but could you do me a favor before you hang up? Could you take my order? Holy crap! Look at you, your hair! What are you doing here?! Uh,well,officially, I am the new tutor for 16-Year-Old billionaires Rose and sage baker.
And unofficially, I am dying for a chowder bowl.
You work for the evil baker twins? How did that happen? Well,they're not evil.
I mean,yes,they did tase me, But,uh,that was more of a precautionary measure.
Oh,but their grandmother is amazing.
She might be my newest mentor.
I mean,maybe.
It's kind of soon to tell.
But either way, It's,um, it's a pretty sweet deal Considering the fact that I have no other options.
Yeah,my job comes with a hairnet.
I don't judge.
Does your dad know you're back? Uh,well,technically, i'm not back.
I mean,yes, i'm back in the state, But states are awfully large.
And it's not like i'm going to be running into pops At the bath and tennis club.
So he doesn't know, not telling him.
Got it.
But if I run into him-- Charlie,no.
Ok.
Ooh,the girls are back.
I gotta go.
It's just,i see him around all the time.
And your sister.
Oh,my god,charlie, please do not tell lily.
I can't even deal with that right now.
So you want me to lie to your whole family? Omission.
Just lie by omission.
Oh,and if you start feeling guilty, Remember the key point.
Which is? I'm not back.
Do not text him! I'm not.
I was just checking to see if he was texting me.
???????????? We're over him, remember? He hurt you once.
T you once.
He's lucky I didn't run him over with my car.
But if you give him the chance to hurt you again,then i'll have to kill him.
Which means i'll wind up in prison, Which means we'll never get to havevanother pinkberry moment together.
Oh,i love our pinkberry moments! What's a pinkberry moment? A conversation you weren't invited to.
Okey dokey.
Well,what do you say we hit the books? The roaring twenties await.
Well,they'll have to wait a little longer.
We still have 40 more minutes left of core work.
Ok,look,i'm not gonna play this game.
You have a book to read, And it's my job to make sure you read it.
So,jay gatsby, Daisy buchanan-- Are doomed, 'Cause daisy's a gold digger and gatsby's a scam artistvwho's probably gay anyway.
Big who cares.
I take it you did read the book.
I skimmed a few pages, and it's obvious the guy's a closet case.
Interesting theory.
Man does own a lot of shirts.
But,you know, you might want-- Let's talk about fun stuff.
Like our very own megan smith.
Graduated yale with a b.
A.
In english lit.
Thesis topic, phallic imagery In the early works of james joyce.
I take it you googled me.
Oh,we tried, but you weren't very google-Able.
You didn't even have any web images.
I know,i know, it's something I aspire to.
What about boyfriends? What about 'em? Ever had any, or is it also something you aspire to? I had one, freshman year in college.
But it turned out he was more interested in my sister lily than me.
Your sister stole your boyfriend? Sort of.
But that's not important.
Oh,that is the most tragic thing i've ever heard! That's even worse than when max threw a sheep at meon the same day that he threw a groundhog at melissa.
Ok,first of all, it wasn't a sheep, it was a ham, And second, max is a douchebag.
A douchebag who doesn't deserve me.
No.
You guys are so lucky.
I would kill to have the relationship with lily that you guys have.
It's really rare.
Almost as rare as the love between gatsby and daisy.
Um,have you guys ever heard of flappers? Our friend madison wore a flapper dress to semi-Formal last year.
Tacky,tacky,tacky.
Oh,room.
I may love you even more than car.
How's it going with my girls? Oh,great.
We're just finishing the book.
Well,actually, we're starting it.
And then we'll finish it.
There's a whole plan in place.
Well,that's fine.
But I hope you realize you're not being graded on your lesson plan.
Thank you.
You're being graded on their grades.
How they achieve that "a" is of little importance to me.
Or was I not clear about that? No.
Uh,no,you were.
Um,it makes sense.
Good.
Fantastic.
Well,i'm off to adjust the seating arrangement for the fundraiser saturday night.
As if I didn't have enough to worry about, My coordinator decided to seat governor crist next to nancy pelosi! Can you imagine? I can't imagine how you stay sane with all you have to do every day.
It's just the appearance of sanity that counts,my dear.
Remember that.
Notes on laurel limoges appearance is everyt Hey,marco,have you seen the--You're not marco.
What gave it away? Heh.
I'm sorry, i'm new here, So I don't know all the help yet.
And I just called you the help.
Which sounds really awful, but since i'm the help,too, Maybe it's less bad? Well,it depends.
Who are you helping? Oh,um,i'm sorry, i'm megan smith.
I'm the new tutor for rose and sage.
Will davis, omelet taster.
They have people here specifically to taste-- To taste omelets.
Oh,absolutely.
If laurel even smells a bad egg, it's over.
She has an incredibly sensitive olfactory system.
You're not an omelet taster.
No? How can you be so sure? I mean,there are people in this town Who remove toe fat for a living.
Do you know why? Because you can't have a pudgy pinky Sticking out of a jimmy choo.
Well,well,i see you've met our neighbor.
He's so gorgeous! So,you're the neighbor? Will likes to stop by every now and again To taste my new recipes.
This guy is an unbelievable chef.
He's the best in palm beach.
Ah,that's very nice.
Did megan tell you that she's an aspiring writer? Oh really? That's cool.
You should meet my dad.
He used to run random house before he started his own publishing company.
Really? Well,i would love to meet your dad.
I mean,i should probably work with the girls first, Well,i didn't mean now.
He's in rome.
Right.
Ok,good.
Yes,well then, when rome is done, Your dad and I will split a bagel.
Has anyone seen rose and sage? Oh,they left for their photo shoot over an hour ago,honey.
Crap.
You know what, maybe i'll just go down there.
I mean,there's gotta be some down time.
Oh.
You know That there's no way that those girls are going to do homework In the middle of their first photo shoot,right? Well,they would if they cared about their grades, Which,of course, They don't, because how lame is that,right? Look,they'll be back soon enough.
In the meantime, why don't you let me Show you around your new neighborhood? Might help you take your mind off things.
Technically,this exhibit isn't open to the public until tomorrow, But I was able to pull a few strings,and-- You are not listening to a word i'm saying, are you? I'm sorry.
I,um,i'm just really worried about the time.
I know you may think my job is stupid, But I don't have a trust fund to fall back on.
Just because I have a trust fund Doesn't mean I don't plan on working.
Well,your dad Oh,that's cool.
I guess you're broke, So you can make all kinds of assumptions about me, But if I were to do that you-- You know what You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's fine.
So what do you want to do? For work,i mean.
You want to be muhammad ali? Sports photography.
It's crazy competitive, And it's pretty lucrative,too.
But that's not why I like it.
Why do you like it? 'Cause it's all about instinct.
You take action, or you miss the moment.
And that's it.
When it's over, it's over.
There's no do-Overs.
Yeah,i tend to miss my moments.
More of a stewer than a doer, As my dad would say.
Yeah? What does your dad do? Um,drinks too much.
Wallows in the past.
You know, fun stuff like that.
Are you close with him? Not really.
You close with your dad? Not really.
Look at that-- Something in common.
Hello? Sage,are you ok? Wait,what's wrong? Ok,ok,i'm on my way.
I'm on my way.
To be continued.
Megan,thank god you're here.
Whoa,that's not a gown.
What's going on? What's wrong? We need your signature.
Apparently being under 18 is like a thing to these people.
That's the life or death situation? What am I signing? It's just a waiver.
Rose forgot to give it to laurel.
Um,hello? Yes,our guardian's here,and she's clearly over 21.
You can check her license if you want.
They were supposed to get a signature from their mother.
Grandmother.
Our mother is dead, thank you very much.
Feeling stupid yet? I'm sorry.
Their grandmother was supposed to sign the form Before they showed up.
Ok.
Why didn't you just call laurel? I tried like 5 times and she won't pick up.
But it doesn't matter, 'cause all we need is someone over 21 Who's responsible for us.
It's no big deal.
Ok,uh You know, I really don't-- I don't feel comfortable doing this.
I'm not technically their guardian, I'm just the tutor.
It doesn't matter.
Well,maybe it does.
Legally speaking.
Not that i'm a lawyer.
Are you are you a lawyer? No.
Ok.
No lawyers here, so--Ow! Oh! What are you doing? Sage,this outfit is a little much.
I mean,the girls are out to play.
Maybe you could just ask them to wear something else.
I mean,i don't think they'll mind.
Looki just don't want you to do anything that you're going to regret.
Ok,people, that's a wrap.
What? Oh That's a wrap.
The only person that's going to regret this moment is you.
???????????? Cut the girl some serious orphan slack,and I do.
I do.
I feel bad for her.
???????????? I also feel like giving her a giant wedgie.
Is that wrong? Just because she had something bad happen to her Doesn't give her the right to be a total bitch.
Your mom left you when you were 7.
Yeah,but not by dying.
By choice.
Which I used to think was worse, But now i'm not so sure.
And they didn't just lose their mother.
They lost both of their parents.
I'd be angry,too.
I wouldn't be a slutty ho-Bag, But i'd be pissed.
Just do their homework, collect your paycheck, And get some of your own writing done.
It's not your job to save these girls.
I am not trying to save them.
Ok,maybe i'm trying to save them a little.
But not in the woody allen hooker saving kind of way.
These girls are smart.
I mean, they could do so much more with their lives than they realize.
No one's really looking out for 'em.
They got drivers and trainers.
No one who actually cares.
If I can help them live up to their full potential, What's wrong with that? I mean, maybe they need me.
If you're just using them for their connections, that's cool.
I'm not using them.
Am i? I don't know.
This wasn't the plan.
The plan just, it fell apart, And i'm just trying to hold it together.
And you're making me feel like a really bad person.
I'm sorry.
It's ok.
Hey,c.
K.
I hear fergie's coming to town next weekend.
You going? I'm thinkin' about it,yeah.
Cool.
Maybe i'll see you there.
Oh,my god.
That girl totally just hit on you! What if I was your girlfriend? Well,you're not.
She doesn't know that.
C.
K.
,mr.
I'm thinkin' about it.
Since when do you have moves? Ugh,everyone changes but me.
That is not true.
You've changed.
You used to be the most focused person I knew.
Goal-Oriented, super motivated and ambitious.
But now you're all over the place.
Well,is that a good thing or a bad thing? I think it's both.
Rose? Oh,hey.
Sorry for stalking.
I just wanted to say thank you.
Um,i couldn't before because,obviously.
Sage would beat you? She's really not as tough as she acts.
No,but I was glad that you came and took over, Because I had seen that photographer's work before, And I just--I sort of just had this feeling It might go down that way.
You didn't forget to give laurel that form.
Rose,you don't have to do everything your sister wants.
You know that, right? Oh,no,no,it's not like that at all.
I mean,it is, but it's not because i'm scared of her.
I mean,i am, kind of,but That's not the main reason.
So what's the main reason? I don't want to make her sad.
'Cause if I told her that I didn't want to do The things that she wanted to do, It'd be like I was judging her.
Ok.
But what do you want to do? I want to get into duke.
I think my mom would have been Pretty psyched if that happened.
Ok.
Well,then we are going to get you into duke.
But you gotta read that book first.
Oh,i just did, and I cannot believe That daisy just left gatsby like that.
I mean,seriously, how do you just Walk away from someone that you supposedly love? People do that all the time.
I--I did it that my sister.
Yeah,but that's because she stole your boyfriend.
That's totally different.
True.
But it, you know, She could have maybe just done that To get back at me.
Get back at you for what? For leaving her alone with our sad dad.
Our mom kind of took off when we were kids, And he sucked at being a human being after that.
I-I couldn't wait to leave home, And I didn't really think twice About what that would mean for lily.
But you had to go to college.
I mean,come on, you couldn't not go to yale Just to hang out with your sister,right? Yeah.
That's what I tell myself.
But let me ask you this-- If you got into duke and sage didn't, Would you go? You have to get us both in,ok? Ok.
[Laughter.]
Megan,laurel would like to see you downstairs.
Come in,come in.
Can I get you something? You're totally fired.
Clearly,my granddaughter is upset.
I thought that was serious.
No,no,no.
You are fired, But that's not the way we let someone go.
Um,i'm not sure that I understand.
Sage was looking to work with you this evening, But apparently, you were nowhere to be found.
True or false? I mean,technically, it's true-Ish.
But I mean, if you let me explain-- No need.
It's simply not a good fit.
Your flight leaves in the morning.
Marco will fix you a treat to take with you on the plane.
Which is awfully nice of us, considering.
Considering what? Megan-- No,excuse me,laurel, but i'm talking to sage.
You clearly have no idea what's going on with your family.
Unless you wanted your only granddaughters To be photographed looking like underaged porn stars for the entire palm beach community to enjoy.
Maybe next time you'll pick up the phone when they call.
Considering what? Ugh,forget it.
No,don't stop now.
You're runnin' the show, aren't you? I mean,you decide what happens to me, what happens to rose.
But with great power comes great responsibility.
Shout out to uncle ben.
So if you're going to make all the decisions, You better understand the consequences.
You don't care about school,that's fine.
Want to do the whole wasted heiress routine? Good for you.
It's a little played out, But clearly,nobody is going to stop you.
However,you might want to consider your sister Before you drag her down the sorry path That you are so hell-Bent on cruising.
You can take it.
But i'm not so sure rose can.
Oh,and Uncle ben is spiderman's uncle,not mine.
Just--I want to make that clear.
Marco: oh,good, you're up.
I was just about to get you,but I hate seeing people sleep.
It's just one of my things.
And wrists.
I hate looking at people's wrists.
Um,why? Am I late? I thought my flight wasn't for another 2 hours.
Your flight's been cancelled.
But your hair appointment's in 20 minutes.
Lucky for you, my boyfriend owns a salon Or you never would have gotten in today.
Ok,why would I need a hair appointment? Well,you're going to the ball,cinderella.
And i've been assigned the role of your fairy.
Lucky me.
I don't think you understand.
I-- I was fired last night.
Yes,and apparently you were rehired this morning.
Laurel wants you to go the fundraiser so you can keep an eye on the girls.
Wait a minute.
This is insane.
Where's laurel? Laurel Oh,good.
You're here.
Can you hand me that stack of books there? Um,laurel, Marco told me that I wasn't fired.
That's right.
I've changed my mind.
Why? I mean, what caused that? You did.
Quite bold the way you took sage in hand last night.
I don't think i've ever seen that before.
Oh,maybe it's in the other library.
You have more than-- Wait,not the point.
Look,laurel, I cannot live this rollercoaster life, Wondering if i'm going to be fired every time I tell sage she's gotta do her homework.
Completely fair.
Which is why I drew up a contract, Barring any illegal activity on your part, I cannot fire you for the next 6 months.
And if you want to negotiate extra spa days, I'm willing to discuss it.
I don't want spa days.
I just want to do the right thing.
Me,too.
They need you,megan.
You can make a difference in their lives.
I know it's a lot to ask, But I think it could be worth it.
I will make it worth it for you.
What is that goop on your face? I'm pretty sure it's hemorrhoid cream.
Glide,dear.
Glide.
You glide.
I'm wearing heels.
If you're gonna trip, trip on him.
Marco.
Not too shabby.
Is that a compliment? Oh,my god.
You know that girl? Sort of.
She's my sister.
You never said that you had a sister.
Not surprising.
She likes to pretend I don't exist.
What are you doing here? I was invited.
What,you find it so hard to believe that I could be invited to something like this? ???????????? Gladental person.
Oh,get over yourself,lily.
I'm not judging you.
You'll have to excuse us, it's been a while.
Lily smith.
Will davis.
I live next door to megan, Oh,in new york? Uh,no,here in palm beach.
You live in palm beach? Right.
So a funny thing happened-- Did you ever live in new york? What? No, of course I did.
I just got here.
Today? Look,just because I didn't tell you that I moved here does not make me a liar.
Doesn't make you a good sister,either.
But that's old news.
Mmm! Megan! You look so pretty.
Hi,will.
Oh,so pretty.
Do you know will? Ok,and we're done with that.
Hello,i don't believe we've met.
I'm rose baker.
I'm lily.
Megan's sister.
No way.
Oh,this is so cool, I want to die! Take a number.
I can't believe that you're here! And,megan,you just look so pretty, So it's all even.
Yay to whoever did your make-Up.
Rose,um-- And look,it's not like i'm going to take sides, Because obviously I don't know the whole story, But I think that if you apologize to megan For making out with her boyfriend, Then I don't think you guys-- Wait,you have a boyfriend? Sorry.
Carry on.
You told her about evan? No-- Yeah.
Look,does it even matter? It does if you go around Only telling your side of the story, Like you always do.
Oh,please,lily.
You don't know what I do on a semi-Regular basis,let alone always.
And whose fault is that? Right,right, Because phones only work in one direction.
Good effort.
Who needs more champagne? What will it be? Oh,it'll be a cold day in hell before I apologize to her.
Even if I did make a few mistakes, It could never compare to the level of betrayal That she is capable of.
And believe me, It is a significant level of betrayal.
Brutus,judas, Brangelina! Whiskey,straight up.
It's not that big a deal.
It was totally low-Rent anyway.
That's not what I heard.
You must be so humiliated.
I can't believe the photographer just walked out like that.
That's actually not how it happened.
Were you just not pretty enough? God,i would die if someone said that to my face.
They didn't.
Well,not to your face, but obviously Um,sage sorry to interrupt, But I just wanted to let you know That annie called me back, And she wants to schedule the photo shoot for some time next week.
Everyone, this is megan smith.
Laurel recently hired her from manhattan to help rose with her school work.
Oh,what did you do in new york? Um,mainly magazine stuff.
Which is how I know annie.
You're not talking about annie leibovitz, are you? Is there any other annie worth anything? Next saturday should be fine.
Ok.
Um, i'll tell her.
Nice to meet you.
Megan? Charlie! I didn't know you were still doing this.
Yeah,uh, carlo hooks me up whenever he can.
I've been kind of strapped for cash these days, and the pay is good.
My sister is in there.
Yeah,i saw.
Are you ok? Yeah.
I'm fine.
She's probably all over will by now, but whatever.
Did you come here with that guy? Of course not.
Then how do you know him? Oh,it's a long story, but I have got to go hide.
Megan You look really pretty.
Oh,this is good.
A little me time.
I'm not doing this with you,lily.
I thought you were my sister.
[Scoffs.]
hardly.
I just came in to find out what time the shoot is.
What shoot? The leibovitz shoot.
Oh,sage,no, there isn't actually-- I was just trying to help you.
You don't think I can take care of myself? Because,spoiler alert, i've been doing it my whole life.
I take care of me and rose.
If she has a problem, she comes to me.
That's how it works.
Sage,i wasn't trying-- I know exactly what you were trying to do.
You want to play big sister all over again, And maybe this time you'll get it right.
The problem is, that position has already been filled.
You don't get to just waltz in here And take away the one person in this world who means anything to me.
So back off.
Or i'll make your life more miserable Than you can possibly imagine.
I don't respond to empty threats.
And I don't make them.
Which is why I invited your sister lily to the event tonight.
You? I just love a good reunion episode.
Congratulations on getting to keep your new job.
It's gonna be super fun.
Sage! There you are.
Come,come.
Palm beach society awaits.
Good evening.
I want to introduce you to megan smith.
Megan,this is mr.
And mrs.
Hubbard.
Hi,nice to meet you.
Senator webber and his wife sally.
Hi.
And senator