Queenie (2024) s01e01 Episode Script

This programme contains
strong language,
discriminatory attitudes and
language, sexual references,
and sensitive themes some
viewers may find upsetting.
Things I should have
done today - had a wax,
not had an argument with Tom,
and prepared for my pitch.
How long is this gonna take? As long
as it needs. So, what do you do?
Isn't it enough that
she can see inside me?
Does she need to know
about my day job as well?
I work at a newspaper, I'm
the social media assistant.
Basically, I collect
Ah, that's a fancy career.
Well done, you.
Anyway, this might
feel uncomfortable.
If you'll just
breathe in for me.
Really? I mean,
surely it's just a
SHE WINCES Might
feel uncomfortable?
Why don't they just stick a
camera on a dildo and use that?
Actually, Ow, ow, ow. Sorry,
that really hurts, you know.
I'm sure you're fine,
strong girl like you.
How many sexual partners
do you have, Queenie?
Now, how did we get
here? Why is she asking?
Are there a load of guys just
hanging around in my uterus?
It's just the one. Tom.
How long have you been
with Tim? Uh, it's, uh
Tom and I have been
together for three years.
He he wants us to buy a
house next year, actually.
But it might be too
much of a commitment?
You found it yet? It's just,
I forgot to tell my boss
I had an appointment.
I'm just gonna go get a
second opinion. Bear with.
Second opinion? On my vagina?
PHONE VIBRATES Hmph.
That's never a great sign.
Come and take a look at this.
See what you make of it.
She's just in here.
CURTAINS DRAWING
What does that look like to you?
I'm right, aren't I?
I'm not a betting man,
but if I had to put
money on it, yeah.
Sorry, what you putting money on?
Yeah. Yes, there's that cheeky coil.
A little bit north of position.
Look at that.
Hmm. Thought so.
Saskia, take a look at this. OK.
Saw a guy mopping up
some sick on the way in.
Maybe they should
get him in here, too.
Could one of you tell me
what's going on, please?
Sorry. What did you
say your name was?
Is she fucking serious?
I've said it before and
I'll say it again, Linda,
until Jesus comes down
to take me back to Him -
I will never, ever
trust a Gemini man.
Prayer might help you, but
Gemini men you can't trust.
Religion and the zodiac.
She's cooking on gas today.
And if you do, more fool you.
Because you see me? Neither of their
two personalities will catch me.
Mm. Anyway, take care,
darling. Nice to meet you.
Good luck with your
fibroid dem. Uh, thank you.
What did they say? Sorry.
Nothing. Come on, let's go.
What dem say? I'm fine. Come on,
Aunty Maggie, let's go.
I'm gonna be late for work.
Look, I know the people dem
must have said something to you.
You weren't in there
singing Kumbaya, were you?
What did they say? Come on,
Aunty Maggie, nothing. Come on.
Do you need to talk to
strangers about their fibroids?
Shush. Why you can't
No, apparently my, erm
..my cervix is shallow, so it's
just a lot of navigations. That's
HUSHED: I've already told you, we
do not talk about our V in public.
It's not my V, it's my cervix.
And w
This is what happen when you
run around with Gemini boy,
you start talking
explicitly in public.
V this and V that,
and no talk of G-O-D.
You weren't raised that way.
OK, when you say
Gemini boy, uh
..you mean white boy, don't you?
I cannot speak for your
interpretations, Queenie.
You know what I mean.
Right, let me get you
to work. Hey, Aunty
INDISTINCT CONVERSATION
Look at you!
Stop it, Mummy! Uh-oh
It's OK. Um, I'm gonna get
the bus. I need the air.
Why don't you come see
your grandma this Sunday?
Every single time I see her, she
complains that she hasn't seen you.
I saw her a few weeks ago. Also,
it's Tom's mum's birthday today,
so I'm gonna be at their
house this weekend.
You're worried about
his mother's birthday,
and you don't speak to your own?
If I run away right now, I wonder
if she'll chase me up the road
or just let me get to work.
Call me if you need me, Queenie.
Physical touch? Not one
of my love languages.
OK. Thank you, Aunty.
WOMAN SHOUTING
Don't end up like Patsy!
Patsy couldn't afford the rent.
I told her to keep
praying, yeah,
but you know how it
goes around here.
Sorry, I'm I'm
actually running late.
To every purpose
there is a season.
To every time under heaven!
Grandma always said that
the day Patsy had to pack up
and leave, Brixton would
take its last breath.
Hey, Queenie.
It's Big-Batty Queenie.
It's been a while, innit?
Where you been? I ain't seen
you in the ends for a long time.
I moved. Live with
my boyfriend now.
Boyfriend, yeah?
How's your wife?
It's complicated. Mm.
Sure it is. See you later.
Hey, Queenie!
You got my number, innit?
Call me when you're ready.
I know you're a good
girl waiting to turn bad.
Adi Malik, mouth bigger
than the rest of him.
Mary Seacole, Margaret
Busby, Olive Morris,
Claudia Jones, Khadija Saye -
black women through time whose
stories and contributions
to society deserve to
be mainstream and
Ugh. Every single time.
"Khadija Saye. Black women
through time whose stories
"and contributions
to society have"
Ugh.
So, if my last period
was on the 7th
Focus, Queenie.
Focus. All right?
We're pitching about
black women in time,
not about misleading
menstrual cycles.
Mary Seacole, Margaret
Busby, Olive Morris,
Claudia Jones, Khadija Saye.
This is what I'm at
The Daily Reader to do.
I'm going to change the world.
But not today.
Hey. Keep your head
up. You got this.
The new boy makes one good
pitch and he's giving me advice?
You're almost there,
but maybe we can work
on your delivery?
Queenie, could I
grab you for a sec?
Thank you for
finally joining us.
I'm I'm sorry.
My advice? Yeah.
Keep doing what you're
meant to be doing.
You're the social media
assistant for a reason.
That, you are good at.
But keep on pitching.
One day, we'll find
something that works, OK?
OK.
Oh, and if I can get two
children ready for school,
have a meeting with
my divorce lawyer,
and still be in work on
time, I think you can manage.
I just don't want it.
I told you, I don't want
it. Thank you, Sophie.
Oh, yeah, just call Queenie.
Yeah, when they want someone
to teach them to dance
at the Christmas office
party, call Queenie.
Or when they want someone to make
a Spotify playlist, call Queenie.
But when I wanna talk about things
that actually matter it's
Ah, milk
This one isn't new.
Darcy. What?
Told you about this.
Oh, sorry. Yeah?
Sorry.
Had your appointment this
morning, didn't you? I'm fine.
You sure? You were meant to get
here ages I'm fine. I'm fine.
What you doing after work?
Do you wanna get some dinner?
Oh. It's Tom's mum's birthday,
and we had a huge argument
again this morning,
so I actually have to go.
Darcy, we're ready for you. OK.
It'll be all right.
Yeah? Mm-hmm.
Catch you in a bit.
I'll tell Darcy tomorrow.
Can we forget about
this morning, please?
Yeah.
GENTLE CLATTERING FROM INSIDE
Oh, my God. Today was
fucking awful. Oi. Hmm?
Keep the expletives down to a
minimum, please? My gran's here.
Oh, she survived World War I, I'm
sure she'll survive my swearing.
Are you gonna tell me why
your day was so awful then?
Time for dinner, kids. Oh.
Later. Let's do this. OK.
Why is this family so
afraid of seasoning?
Me and Queenie have, uh, got
you something you're gonna love.
Oh. Haven't we, Queenie?
Shit. I hope someone in
that hospital likes perfume.
Uh, which we will give to
you the next time we see you.
You two being here is enough.
You came all this way.
Rich, pour Queenie
some more wine.
Oh. No, no. It's fine.
You're not pregnant,
are you? No. What? No.
What? No I'm not. No, I'm not,
I'm not, I'm not pregnant.
If you two had children,
I have to admit,
they would be lovely.
Colour of milky coffee.
And if we're in luck, they'll
have your eyes, Queenie,
which are just gorgeous,
all those lashes,
but they'd get Tom's
lovely straight nose.
It's a bit, uh, unexpected.
What do you mean a miscarriage?
It is rare, but
unfortunately it does happen.
Uh, further suggested by
the pregnancy test you took
which came back positive.
Adam, why don't you
go and get the cake?
Nose like his granddad. Oh.
It would be nice for something
of ours to be passed on,
given the baby
will be half-caste.
Grandad had such a
fine nose Leave it.
This old bitch wants to
be a grandma to my baby
when she's over here doing a racial
ether of what it's gonna look like.
And he was so hardworking.
Different to the youth of today
One day, I'm just gonna say
Well, hopefully you'll
be dead and gone
long before you even
get to meet it. GASPING
SHE SCREAMS Whoa.
Fuck.
Ugh.
She always makes such
a mess, that girl.
DOOR SLAMS
I should have
handled that better.
He should have
handled that better.
There you go. Ugh. Geez.
You scared me. Ow.
What's going on with you?
What your gran said wasn't
OK. But you know that, right?
And you know it's not OK to tell
my gran that you hope she's dead
by the time we have kids, right?
She's from a different
generation, Queenie.
Fine, but you're not. This is
what I was saying this morning
All right, OK, listen, listen.
No, I don't wanna get into this.
OK? Like, it's late,
I've been drinking.
Well, there's always a reason
that you're not on my side, Tom.
I mean, what happens Look, I can't
always be on your side, Queenie, OK?
Because I can't always be angry.
Always angry?
Like, I can't take the drama.
Well, do you want, you, you
want a girlfriend like Laura,
someone who just sits
there and smiles politely?
Because, Tom, that
You're too much, Queenie.
And there it is.
Do you know what? Um, you should
just go back to your family.
Tell him. Tell him. Tell him.
Tell him.
I'll tell him when he gets
home. He'll understand.
How do we get back here?
Nah, I'm just saying, Sailor Moon
could take any one of them, man.
Are we in 2005?
Bro, what you doing? You good?
Why you banging on
my door like Feds?
Feds bring you snacks?
Mm-mm. You're lucky my mum's not
in. Your mum's never here, Kyazike.
"Your mum's never
here, Kyazike."
Who's this then?
Frank. Hi.
What you saying, Queenie?
How you keeping?
It's been a minute.
Cos she's been with
her boyfriend. Ow.
OK. I've been better.
Oh.
A'ight, well,
I'ma leave you two to it.
Catch you in a bit, yeah?
Bye. Bye. Bye.
Mm.
Has your cousin moved in? No, he's
just always here eating the food.
Hmm.
I beg you do something for me.
This guy came to my bay
and he was too sexy.
Mm-hmm. Bearded,
muscles popping out the shirt,
grills spangling out
the mouth. Mm-hmm.
It was an experience. And
I know he was feeling me,
so I checked the account. I
had to check the account, cool.
Mm. Yes.
�400 in the current,
six grand in debt
on the credit card.
I told that man, "Flee from
me, get behind me, Satan."
I can't do this. I won't.
Yeah, but, like, what
if you fell in love?
You could have financially guided
him. Financially guided who?
Mm. Queenie, my Mr Right
cannot have minus money.
How come Kyazike always knows what
she wants when it comes to men?
So, what are you saying? How's
Tom? Um, he Yeah, he's,
he's spending the
weekend at his parents.
He'd rather spend time
with his mum and dad
than his sexy, sexy girlfriend?
It's time to step
your pussy up, babe.
How would I step my pussy
up in practical terms?
Kyazike, my pussy's
fine. It is up. God.
If you say so. No, it's just
that I You know what?
I think we haven't been, like,
connecting properly in a while.
Like I don't know,
I've been a bit off.
GARAGE SONG PLAYS
Ooh, OK.
I'm gonna send it
round. I'm feeling it.
I'm sending it round. Let's
go, let's go, let's
Hello? It's our song.
You really are off, innit?
Kyazike, I don't know
what's wrong with me.
Listen, it's this
quarter-life crisis thing
that everyone's talking about.
I saw a babe talk about
it on TikTok, yeah?
She said once you turn
25 your head goes.
OK, but that hasn't
happened to you.
Well, cos it's me. Tings like
that don't happen to me. OK?
Look, I haven't spent a lot
of time with this Tom bredda,
but I know how happy being
in a relationship makes you.
That was really moist.
I don't do this. Yeah.
It's been good for you? Yes.
OK. And you know you can't afford
that house in Clapham by yourself,
and them transport
links are real tasty.
Yeah. So my advice
is you go home
and put that pussy on him.
Kyazike, why are you always telling
me what to do with my pussy?
Because someone has to, baby.
Babe, you have to go home
and get your ivory king,
Or your palm prince.
Your mayo mister. Just
Whatever he wants
to identify as.
Know what? Parchment paper papi
is that what you telling me?
If I tell Kyazike about
the miscarriage now,
I'll just bring the
tone down, won't I?
I'll leave it.
Another thing to add to
the quarter-life crisis.
Oh, blessed Sunday.
The prodigal granddaughter
has returned.
You know I've been
busy, Grandma. Hmm.
You hungry?
Hey, Granddad. Jesus Christ.
You almost give
me a heart attack.
What's new? What's going on?
Everything and nothing, Queenie.
I wonder if Granddad ever
had a quarter-life crisis.
Where's Queenie deh?
Coming in?
It's your name she
called, not mine.
Your aunty and your
cousin are here.
Your eye dem look tired.
I know you, Queenie. I
know when something wrong.
I'm fine.
Oh. The guest of honour. What
a surprise to see you here.
Oh. OK, OK, OK. I'm surprised
that boy's parents let you leave.
Those people never
want to see me again.
You spoken to your mother?
Grandma, you know I haven't.
Excuse me?
No, I haven't.
There's nothing to say. And
like I say, I've been busy.
What are they plotting?
Look, your mum's coming over.
Oh, what?!
Your mother needs you.
And as it says in The
Bible, Exodus 20, verse 12.
"Honour your mother and your
father, that your days may be long."
But Grandma, you
two I don't c
Saved by the little cuz.
You good, Queenie?
If you don't take your
hand out of my pot
What's going on in here?
Why's everyone just bare quiet
and staring at each other?
That be people's business. I
know, Mum, but I'm just asking.
Mind your beeswax. You know
what? Actually, it's, it's OK.
Diana, it was really good to
see you, but I, I have to go.
Queenie. Bye, guys.
See you later.
Later.
What?
You see you?
Step away from me stove.
I'm hungry. Step
away from the stove.
I know it's a very unrealistic and
unhelpful way to think about it,
but our baby would've been cute.
But maybe this was the universe's
way of telling me I wasn't ready.
My mum had me when
she was young.
She obviously
wasn't ready either.
DOOR OPENS He came back.
Now's my chance to show him
I'm not as emotionally detached
as he accuses me of being.
OK, OK. Babes, listen,
listen, Friday was bad.
I know, it was. It was
bad. OK, and I should have,
I should have spoken
to you about it, but
You know, this,
uh, this opening up
and this being
vulnerable thing, it
..it isn't me. But I'm,
I'm, I'm gonna try.
Look, we can't just
We can't keep doing this.
What do you mean? Like, the last
few months have been bad, Queenie.
Like, you know this.
And, like, at Mum's
it was just
I mean, you can't be happy.
Like, I know I'm not
I'm usually happy.
Ish. I just
Listen, we just, we need
to get into a new rhythm
now that we live together.
That's it. It's
You know, you never tell me
what's wrong. Like, ever.
Like, you've pushed me away for
so much of this relationship.
Tom, it's it's my stuff.
Ugh. OK? It's mine.
Yeah. It's my stuff!
We've all got
stuff, Queenie, OK?
And I have tried with
yours, OK? I really have.
OK, so what's different
this time? Look, just
What? You just take some space,
OK? And I'll take some too.
All right? We'll just
We'll just work on
ourselves for a little bit.
All right? I'll go and
stay with my parents
and it'll give you a chance to
find somewhere else to stay.
This is all very
rational of you.
Yeah. Well, one of us has to be.
Ouch.
How long do you need exactly?
Is it like a week or a month? Can
you just I don't know, Queenie.
YOUNG GIRL: Come back.
SHE HYPERVENTILATES
Fuck.