Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s01e01 Episode Script

1 For 800 years, Norrisville High has been protected by a ninja.
No one knows that every four years, a new warrior is chosen.
Go, ninja! A freshman to fight the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb What the hey Come on, you What the juice He's a Bruce Besta cheese Ninja freeze Ninja rock Don't stop What the hey Come on, you Do it, ninja What the juice He's a hero Come on, fighter Just a freshman and a ninja Smoke bomb! Welcome, freshmen.
I'm sure you're bummed to be back in school.
Well, so am I! Five hundred words.
What you did on your summer vacation.
Name: Randy Cunningham.
Grade: Nine.
Title: What I did on my summer - Cunningham, let me copy of you.
- Howard, we can't turn - in the exact same essay.
- Come on, we had the exact same summer! No talking! Well, it wasn't the exact same.
I mean, it started out the same.
But then a week ago, something epic happened.
Congratulations.
You have punched all the graves.
And the day after that, something even epic-er happened.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Eh.
"You are the ninja.
" Oh, my sweet! I have to tell Howard.
"You can't tell anyone.
" Ah, that's wonk! Listen, I don't know how it works, but the ninja suit is the straight-up cheese.
It lets me do things I could never, ever do.
I am Randy Cunningham.
I am the ninja.
It's pretty much the coolest thing ever.
Only bummer is I can't tell anyone.
Not even my best friend.
Pencils down! And now I'm realizing this probably wasn't the best topic for my essay.
What's this supposed to be? Uh, my commentary on the fleeting nature of summer? Ooh, excellent use of metaphor.
- Aced it! - I'll give you a B.
B'ced it! Go away, Bash! I don't want a wedgie.
I already gave you a wedgie.
I just wanna give you your change! Can we talk about this ninja situation? Ninja situation? There is no ninja situation.
Exactly, the no ninja situation.
We've been in Norrisville High for two days, and we haven't seen this guy once.
I think he has to wait for like a monster - or a robot to attack.
- Why aren't you mad about this? - We are his number one fans.
- Come on! I mean, it's not like he can just smoke bomb on by for a meet and greet.
Or can he? You assured me you would destroy the ninja.
But I haven't seen him all summer.
- Have you seen him, Viceroy? - I haven't seen him.
Then again, he is a ninja, so stealth is kinda his dealio.
We have a plan.
The second he pokes his little ninja head out of his little ninja hidey-hole Bam! Destroyed! Do not fail me.
Mr.
McFist, your wife is on the line.
Hey, sugarface! I'm a teensy bit busy here.
Of course.
I'll meet you there, honeycakes.
How am I supposed to run an evil empire when my stepson keeps getting in trouble at school? - Kids.
- Just get down to your lab and build me something deadly.
Something dangerous.
Something with a cupholder! You know what? Forget the cupholder.
- Just make it deadly.
- Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm! Cunningham, I know you're in the can, but if you don't want me to eat your tater lumps, - just say so.
- Smoke bomb! Hello, students.
'Tis I, the ninja! Finally! Yes! Ninja! Hey, Cunningham, the ninja just showed up.
In these two days of school alone, Bash has given 66 wedgies, 32 swirlies, - and a Chattanooga Gravy Bowl.
- Is that even a real thing? Sweet potatoes? - Oh, yeah! - Oh, Principal Slimovitz, I just don't believe my little Bashford would ever do anything like that.
Yeah, Ma, he's framing me! Hey! The ninja's in the cafeteria! Ooh, the ninja! What say we take a fiver? I'm escaping! Oh, go on.
If you don't destroy the ninja now, it's all you'll talk about on the ride home.
You know what? You're the best! Mwah.
McFist Industries, Evil Genius Viceroy speaking.
The ninja's at the school right now.
Release the - the thing! - His name is Krakenstein.
Release the Krakenstein! Oh.
Go forth, my Krakenstein.
And destroy the ninja! Well, he's about ye high, red scarf, black suit.
Maybe it's navy blue.
No, you're right, it is black.
You never wear red with navy blue.
Now, as a ninja, I must be prepared at any moment to do this, and this, and how could I forget this? You've been great, everybody.
See ya next time.
Remember to tip those lunch ladies.
- Smoke bom - No, wait, ninja.
My buddy and I have been dying to meet you since we were kids.
Please just hang out until he gets back? Aw, that's really cool of you.
But I can't.
I must go.
Yes, destroy.
Destroy! My first monster fight.
So honkin' cool! Ninja flip! Monster, get ready to get Eesh! "Cunningham, get back here.
The ninja's totally getting pwned.
" I wouldn't say I'm getting pwned.
Uh-oh.
What? Oh, man, I am getting pwned.
Ninja sprint! I wasn't hiding from you, if that's what you think.
Now what? Where have you been? We were supposed to meet the ninja together.
Man, but between you and me, he was kinda stankin' it up out there.
Come on, Howard.
I uh the ninja was trying his best, OK? It's not like there are instructions for being the ninja.
The instructions! I need to use the bathroom! Hey ya, Randy.
The Ninja-nomicon.
Come on, baby, drop some secret ninja knowledge on me.
"Believe in the weapon that is in the suit.
" OK, what's in the suit? I'm in the suit.
I'm the weapon.
I just have to believe in me.
Boom! See ya, Randy.
Hey, perfect, you're back.
I got some great news.
- Sorry, Howard, but I have to, um - No, no.
You are going to stick around for this.
Turns out the ninja couldn't beat that monster, so he just locked it in a basement stall.
- So I let it out.
- You did what?! Yeah.
Now, then he's just gotta come back, and we can see him in action together.
You want to thank me now or later, or how should we do this? Where the heck is what's-his-crack? - There he is! - My car! Ninja action, courtesy of moi.
Who's the best friend ever? Huh? Are you kidding me? Smoke bomb! Ninja, ninja! I believe in me, I believe in me.
I believe in me kicking your butt.
Ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, ninja block, and ninja block.
Who's getting pwned now? Ninja! What?! Secret arm! That is so Viceroy.
I don't get it.
I'm believing.
What else could be in the suit? Ah.
Believe in the weapon that is in the suit.
That makes way more sense.
Let's do this.
Stop.
No! Way, dudes.
That was awesome.
Ha! Smoke bomb! Smoke bomb! Hey, Howard.
Oh, you think I'm some sort of chowder head? I don't know how to answer that.
- I know what you've been up to.
- You do? Yeah.
First, you're gone, ninja's here.
And then, he's gone, and then you're here.
- I know your secret, man.
- Howard, listen, I wanted to tell you.
Well, it's too late now.
Yeah, I figured it all out.
- With my mind.
- This is such a relief.
It's been killing me that I couldn't tell you.
I mean, sneaking off so you can have the bathroom all to yourself every time the ninja shows up.
Wait, you're the ninja? My best friend's the ninja! Oh, this is incredible! I'm gonna tell everyone.
- You can't tell anyone.
- Well, that stinks.
No, Howard, this stinks.
Smoke bomb! Oh, man.
Those things smell like fart.
You get used to it.
You'd be surprised, you start liking it.
And how is this gonna get us seats in the cool section? OK, trust me, Howard.
We go in there like, boom! And they're all like, "Oh, no, you didn't!" And we're like, "Oh, yes, we did!" Whatever, let's just do it.
This stuff's making my butt itch.
What up, Norrisville High! Dorks! Oh, man.
He's talking about us.
I don't get it.
That incredible display of school spirit was supposed to get us into the Fishcage.
Does anyone even talk to freshmen anymore? - I can't be bothered.
No way.
- Oh.
Only the cool "de la cool" get to sit there.
No freshman has ever gotten in.
- Nice try, Doug.
- Hey, at least we're not sitting with the marching band.
That section's got a splash zone.
Bucky, there's no triangle solo in this song.
Or any song.
Bucky! What'd I tell you about showboatin'? Hensletter, your triangle's writing checks your dinger can't cash.
- You're benched till further notice.
- But the triangle's my life.
- Put your dinger in my hand, son.
- You can take my dinger, but you'll never take my back-up dinger! - Ho-ho! Sad trombone.
- Ultimate band burn.
Mmm.
Misery, with subtle notes of humiliation, and just the slightest hint of flop sweat.
Yum.
He will do nicely.
They'll pay! They'll all Hey, come on! pay.
Oh.
Good game tonight, team.
You played some strong D.
Your B flats and A minor sevenths weren't bad either.
Stevens, cool it with the trombone jokes! Ah, feels good to be out of that humiliating body paint.
Yeah, now we're just two freshmen kicking it in Speedos.
Nothing embarrassing about that.
Something tells me it's ninja time.
- You're gonna put that on you face? - Yes, I am.
- But it was in your pants! - Yes, it was! Smoke bomb! Drop that piano.
Uh-oh.
I probably should have seen that coming.
Princess Tootie.
I almost lost you.
Hey, you, cowbell.
Cowbell me.
Ha! Yeah! OK, so here's a question, Bucky.
What exactly is going on here? Like in this in this area? If I can't play triangle in the band, then no one will.
But my no showboating policy.
He was showboating.
You all saw it.
Gonna drop it! Oh, boy.
Uh Smoke bomb! I was out till curfew looking for Bucky.
You just can't find a runaway monster on a school night.
- Yeah, he'll turn up eventually.
- Not good enough, Howard.
The ninja needs to do something about this.
No, the "ninja" needs to come up with a new plan to get us into the Fishcage tonight.
Hey, how about you come up with a plan for once? I know, it sounded stupid the minute it came out of my mouth.
It did, it really did.
You can still make us the first freshmen in the Fishcage, Cunningham.
I believe in you.
Being inspiring really wipes me out.
Something turned Bucky into a monster.
Maybe the Ninja-nomicon knows how to change him back.
"Severing the puppet's strings.
" What the juice? "You gotta D'stank 'em, bro!!!" Again, I ask.
What the juice? "The evil funk possesses the vulnerable, using that which he holds most dear.
" - I have to D'stank him, bro! - Really? Yelling in the library? We got like one rule and you just broke it.
Sorry.
Hello.
I don't think we've met.
I am the Sorcerer.
I have been down here for 800 years.
You've probably heard of me.
Makes no difference.
I will not be here much longer.
My latest creation is up above spreading chaos.
Chaos gives me power.
And once I have enough power, I will break free from this prison, and destroy the ninja.
Are you laughing with me or at me? Good.
- Hey, man.
- So, what's the plan for - Why are you wearing that? - I joined the marching band.
- Why are you saying that? - Uh, because you asked.
Hey! - How did this happen? - I auditioned.
You're in! Didn't know I was so musical, did ya'? Why, when we're trying to sit in the cool section, did you go and join the dorkiest dorks on Earth? I know, I know, it's bad timing.
But if the band has a new triangle player, Bucky's guaranteed to show up, and then the ninja will take him down.
Your ninja-ing is killing any chance at popularity.
- It's the price I have to pay.
- We're paying it! We.
Cunningham, you're my best friend.
But as long as you're sporting that geek gear, I cannot be seen with you.
Give me your word you'll stay in here ten seconds after I leave.
- You have my word.
- Good.
Oh, one more thing.
Not cool, man! That is not cool! Bucky! Ain't you performing with the band tonight, sweetheart? Hm.
Hm.
Let us be clear.
I'm only sitting here for the snacks.
Really? You can't be seen with me? Hey, Howard.
Do you have "the time?" - I'm not doing this with you.
- Oh, what do you know? - It's ninja o'clock.
- Dumb.
Bucky, I do not feel right about beating up a band geek.
- But - Ooh! He killed the snack bar.
You make him pay, ninja.
You make him pay! OK, easy there, buddy.
I gotta D'stank this geek.
That which he holds most dear.
Most dear, most dear, most dear.
Back-up dinger! Ninja flash! Ninja snatch! Smoke bomb! Smoke bomb! Well, Howard, we did it.
We're the first freshmen ever to sit in the Fishcage.
Technically, that is true.
Aw, I guess I forgive you for joining the band.
Forgiveness accepted, buddy.
Forgiveness accepted.
Hey, check it out.
That guy's naked! What happened? Why am I naked? Ha-ha! Go get some loaner pants, man.
I did not need to see that.