Raven's Home (2017) s01e01 Episode Script

Raven's Home was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
(alarm ringing) (laughing) Yes! First! I finally beat you to the bathroom.
This must burn, Nia.
This must burn bad.
It's not a competition, Booker.
I mean, I've won the last 16 days in a row, but it's not a competition.
Now, can you please hurry? Oh no, I'm first to the bathroom.
I'm gonna savor this.
Take a nice, long shower, wash my hair.
I might even shave.
Shave what? Hey, guys.
Look at that.
Levi's first.
This must burn, Booker.
This must burn bad.
That's my body spray.
The burning lets you know you're fly.
It's all good.
Levi can be here.
We're like brothers.
I use the bathroom in front of him all the time.
Which I repeatedly told you I'm not comfortable with.
Hey, kids! Hey, listen, um, breakfast is gonna be a little late this morning.
Had a small incident with the toaster.
On a related note-- if I were a fire extinguisher, where would I be? (smoke alarm beeping) Okay! Yeah! I'm just gonna find it myself.
- (coughs) - Shower time.
- I'm dropping robe.
- Oh, God! No! Why are you wearing a bathing suit? Little trick I picked up in sixth-grade gym class.
Keeps everybody from seeing my bits and pieces.
Y'all better get outta here before you see my bits and pieces.
(kids screaming) (laughing) - Hey.
- Yo.
Let me tell you somethin'.
Had my vision all worked out.
But then life had other plans.
- Chelsea: Tell 'em, Rae.
It's crazy when things turn upside down, nut you gotta get up and take that chance.
Maybe I'm just finding my way now.
Learning how to fly.
- Yeah, we're gonna be okay.
- You know I got you, right? It might be wild, but you know that we make it work.
We're just kids caught up in a crazy world.
- Come on! - It's Raven's Home! - Yep! We get loud! - It's Raven's Home! - It's our crowd! - It might be tough but together we make it look good.
Down for each other like family should.
- It's Raven's Home! - When it's tough! - It's Raven's Home! - We got love! 'Cause no matter the weather, you know we gon' shine, there for each other, you know it's our time! (Raven laughing) Yep! That's us.
(laughter) If you got the best roommate in Chicago, let me hear you say "whoop whoop!" Ha! Whoo whoo.
(both laughing) If raising your kids with your best friend is both a financial necessity, and a dream come true, let me hear you say "whoop whoop!" Ha ha! Whoo whoo! (both laughing) If you accidentally set set the toaster on fire, let me hear you say "whoo whoo.
" Whoo-- - Chelsea, did you kill my toaster? - Whoo whoo.
Gosh, Rae, I'm so sorry.
I am.
I-- I guess I was just really excited to help out.
You know, when I was married, Garrett didn't want me to do anything.
He did all the cooking.
All the cleaning.
All the, uh falling in love with the federal agent who arrested him for tax fraud.
I can't believe that judge only gave him a year.
If I was the judge, I'd have given him five to ten.
Ah, it's not so bad.
Sure, Garret stole all my money, but I got to move in with you, right? And if you think about it, Rae, we are really lucky both of our marriages fell apart.
- Whoa.
Yeah.
- That got dark.
Got dark.
Morning, Mom! Morning, Aunt Chels! Well, hello, Nia.
Hello, sweetheart.
How'd you sleep? - You still doing okay on the couch? - Of course.
I wouldn't have offered Aunt Chelsea my room if I wasn't cool with it.
That's my baby girl.
Nia, I never have to worry about you.
Besides, a little sacrifice is good.
You know, a lot of my sheroes are defined by their struggles.
Rosa Parks, Oprah, - Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
- (gasps) You know what all of those independent, spectacular women have in common? They made the bed! - Point taken.
I'm on it.
- All right! You my shero! Hi, hon! Wow.
That was some nightmare last night, huh? Yeah.
Did you get back to sleep okay? Yeah, eventually.
You gotta stop reading me scary bedtime stories.
Oh! There's my special little man.
Hey! What's that on your face? Oh, it's my face.
Mommy! Cut it out! - You missed a spot.
- I know I did.
Mom, could you-- could you give me a hand? Oh, in a second, sweetheart.
I'm hiding the blueberries in your brother's cereal.
Love the taste, but I hate seeing 'em.
It's like my bowl's full of doll eyes.
Never mind.
I got the bed back in.
I'm sorry I didn't help you, Nia.
I'm still a little sore from the thousand push-ups I did.
Please.
The only thing you've done a thousand times is tell that story.
Mom! Nia said I'm not mad shredded! Nia! Don't tell your brother he's not mad shredded.
Doesn't watching those two make you wish you had a twin? I like being an only child.
There's never a question who the favorite is.
(laughing) It's me, right? All right, everybody! Come get your bags.
Your dad is downstairs to take you to school.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Mwah! - Bye, Mom.
- Bye-bye.
Mwah.
My turn to pick the music.
But you never pick anything in my vocal range.
Mom! Nia, pick something in your brother's vocal range.
Levi! Where's my kiss? Make good choices.
- Bye! - Bye.
(chuckles) Hey, Chels, um I couldn't help but hear what Levi said, and I just want you to know that I don't have a favorite Booker.
I mean "kid.
" Well, of course, Rae.
You love both your Bookers equally.
Come on, Chels.
I mean, yes, I might do more for Booker, but Nia knows that I don't have a favorite.
(whooshing) Everything's always about Booker! Booker, Booker, Booker! I'm sick of it.
(whooshing) (gasps) Chels, I just had a vision that Nia was so upset.
She said that everything was about Booker.
"Booker, Booker, Booker.
" Why don't you just talk to her about it? I can't do that! No, 'cause it hasn't happened yet.
I have to fix it before it does.
Or! Or! Hear me out.
You could just finally tell your kids you're psychic.
No, I'm not gonna do that.
No.
'Cause they-- they haven't had visions, you know, they wouldn't understand.
Besides, it's like my-- my secret mommy power.
And so I can give that "Don't you think about doing that" look before they think about doing it.
Man, I wish you gave me that look before I married Garret.
I did give you that look.
Your mama gave you that look, Levi gave you that look.
What?! Levi wasn't even born yet! But if he was, he'd have given you that look.
(school bell rings) Booker: I'm telling you, Levi.
The day I mastered the slam dunk, was one of the best of my life.
- You can dunk? - He can.
He gets right under the rim, plants his feet, and Dad lifts him up so he can drop the ball right through the hoop.
It's adorable.
Yo, what up, kids? What up kid-lite? - Hey, Tess.
- 'Sup? Why do you keep calling me "kid-lite"? 'Cause you're a kid, and you're light, and I can't remember your name.
Tess, you've seen me dunk, right? Yeah.
Donuts.
Sorry you had to hear that, Levi.
I know it's hard when people question the awesomeness of your heroes.
Levi (distorted): Okay.
So I'm gonna get over to the fourth grade hall.
Whoa.
What's happening? Booker? (whooshing) Booker! Get me out of here! (whooshing) - Booker? - Levi! Your butt's okay.
For my first time wearing skinny jeans, I was hoping for better than "okay.
" No, no.
You were stuck in a giant trumpet.
It was like it happened, but it didn't.
- (locker rattles) - (grunts) - (thuds) - Levi! Help! Booker! Get me out of here! That's what I saw.
Levi! I saw the future! I pee when I feel trapped! Never mind.
Nia! I need to talk to you.
Something happened and I'm freaking out.
What?! Are you okay?! I saw the future.
I think I'm psychic! Ow! Booker, you scared me! I thought something was actually wrong with you.
I'm serious.
It really happened.
Booker, that's impossible.
Psychics aren't real.
Nia There's something I need to tell you.
I believe in psychics.
Continue.
It's just another one of his stories! Like the push-ups, and the dunking.
And that time you said Bruno Mars stole your dance move.
No, actually, I said Bruno stole it from Timberlake who stole it from me.
But yeah, that's what it's like.
But none of those things happened.
- This did.
- (bell rings) We gotta get to class.
For the record, JT did steal my dance move.
That's a hundred percent pure Booker right there.
Hey, thanks for the ride.
My mom says she'll start picking us up again when she gets her license back.
Man, you hit three mailboxes.
Tess, it's fine.
No need for your mom to get behind the wheel before she's ready.
(quietly): Or ever.
- You coming over to do homework? - Be there in a little bit.
Come on, Ma! We eat off that table! I haven't had any more visions today.
What if what I thought happened didn't really happen? Well, I peed in a sousaphone, and now I'm wearing shorts from Lost and Found, and Jamal Epstein's underpants.
So I'm pretty sure it happened.
Jamal Epstein's in kindergarten.
Yeah.
They're pretty tight.
Hey, Rae! You're home from work early.
Yeah, I couldn't stop thinking about the vision of Nia, so I came home early to make it right.
Today, it's all about Nia.
Got a special little treat for my special little lady! Wow! It's a lot of cupcakes for no reason.
Mom! The weirdest thing happened-- It's not always about you, Booker.
It's Nia time! Why is this happening? I don't need a reason to celebrate my special little lady.
(gasps) That's what I'm gonna call you from now on.
"My special little lady.
" You like it? It's making me a tiny bit uncomfortable.
(laughing) She's hilarious! (laughing) Just like your mama.
Mom, before when you yelled at me, you probably thought I was Nia, but it was me, Booker.
Shhh.
No one's talking to you, sweetie.
- Nia's talking.
Continue.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are, yes, you are.
I'm all ears, sweetie.
Tell me.
We had a sub in English today.
(gasps) A sub?! In English? No! No! Chels! Nia had a sub in English.
Okay.
Ma, if you think a sub is crazy-- Booker, back off! - (thuds) - It's Nia time.
Continue, sweetie.
Go on.
Say, hon, are those the same pants you left in this morning? - They are not.
- Yeah.
Been there.
I don't get it.
The craziest thing that's ever happened to me happened, and I can't get anyone to listen.
Just have another vision.
Then everyone will believe you.
Okay, I'll try to make it happen again.
(farts) Oops.
- Are we gonna talk about that? - Don't see any reason to.
This isn't working.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Nia's face saying she doesn't believe me.
Why do you care what she thinks? - I don't.
- Seems like you do.
Yo! It's weird out there.
Your mom's clipping Nia's toenails, and she got mad when I asked her to do mine.
So, Future Boy, had any more visions? No.
I don't even know how they work.
It's almost like they come at random-- (whooshing) Why would the bag hit me?! (Nia screams) (whooshing) I just had another one! It was Nia! She's gonna get hurt! What happened? I didn't do it.
Why you coming at me like that? Tess, calm down.
I just want to warn her.
She won't even listen to me.
I could talk to her.
Maybe she'll listen to me.
Quiet down, booster seat.
We're trying to come up with a plan.
I got it! You could psychically contact your dead grandma and tell her to tell Nia! Nah, that won't work.
Both my grandmas are still alive.
Bummer! Nia! You wanna look through our photo library together? I found the most adorable picture of the cutest girl in the worl-- Ooh.
That's Booker, my bad.
Nia? Nia? Nia? Oh, son of a Chelsea! Whoo.
We gotta put a bell on you, boy.
Hey, Auntie Rae, have you seen Nia? No, and I don't love Booker more.
Stop judging me, Levi.
Nia, Nia! Nia? Is she gone? You're good.
I don't know what's going on with my mom, Levi.
She says she wants to hang out, but I feel like I'm being hunted.
Raven: Nia? Nia! Nia! I'm going back in.
No, you can't.
You have to go talk to Booker.
He had another vision.
Levi you don't really believe that, do you? Yeah.
I do.
This time the vision was about you.
Fine.
I think it's crazy, but I'll go talk to him.
But how am I gonna get past my mom? Auntie Rae? Nia just went up to the roof deck! Oh, come on, Nia! I just want to hang out! Wow.
You really get this family.
There's gotta be some way to prove to Nia that I'm psychic.
Hold up.
I got it.
We can fake it.
Just tell her that you saw the future and you're gonna get punched in the face.
Then I'll punch you in your face.
Um, no.
But a fake vision is perfect.
Then Nia will have to believe me.
Fake a vision? You were gonna lie to me? I thought about knocking, then I thought, it'd be weird if I did, 'cause it's my room.
But now I wish I knocked.
- Nia, I can explain-- - No! I get it.
You're so desperate for attention, you have to make up crazy stories.
Now you're pretending to be psychic?! I'm not pretending.
Did you ever think that maybe you're not that special? Maybe you're just plain old Booker? Or maybe you're just jealous that I have this awesome power, and you don't.
How can I be jealous of something that's not even real? You're such a liar.
Oh, I'm a liar? Well, maybe, I'll just let my vision happen.
Then we'll see who's a liar.
(door slams) Why'd he just walk into his closet? Why are you never in your own apartment? Chels.
- This is bad.
- Yeah.
Raven: I've never seen Nia and Booker so mad at each other.
Do you think giving Nia too much attention made it worse? Maybe these T-shirts were a bad idea.
Rae, how can you say that? These shirts are great! What is this? Like a cotton/poly blend? Everything's always about Booker.
Booker, Booker, Booker! I'm sick of it! - (door closes) - All I did was ask for salt.
It was your tone.
All right, everybody! Your dad's downstairs to take you to school.
Have a good day, my favorite son, my favorite daughter, my favorite Levi.
Yes! Got everybody! I'm not making that mistake again.
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Nia kissed that cheek.
I want a fresh one.
Oh.
Well, time for the world's most awkward ride to school.
Chels, what am I gonna do? Rae, brothers and sisters fight.
They're gonna work it out.
(whooshing) Family drama has no place in gym class.
You're suspended.
(whooshing) (gasps) Chels, it's not gonna work out.
I think Booker and Nia are gonna get suspended from gym class.
- I gotta get down to the school! - Wait, wait, wait! You can't just bust in their gym class like that! - Why not?! - You're wearing wedges, Rae! They got no traction! You right, you right.
Okay.
Let me go change into some sneakers.
I'm gonna change my shirt and shave.
- What? - What? There's a lot of single parents at that school.
I can't believe I got paired with my sister for doubles tennis.
Stupid alphabetical order.
Why do you even need a partner? Aren't you the best tennis player in Chicago? Or was that just another lie? Oh, very funny, Nia.
By the way, when I said you were funny, that was a lie.
(whistle trills) Raven (whispering): Booker! Nia! Booker, Nia! Oh, you-- Excuse me.
Booker! Ni-- Oh! Just so you know, my vision happens here in gym class.
Just so you know, I still don't believe you're psychic.
Ohhh, man.
All right, let's do it.
Let's go.
Excuse me! Excuse me! Coming through! Oh! Sorry! Concerned mom.
I'm a concerned mother.
Don't hit me.
Okay.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Ow! Serena Williams! That hurt! (kids laughing) Bring it on.
That-- Whoop! (grunts) Game.
Set.
Uh-oh.
(grunts) Booker, the heavy bag! How did you know about that? In my vision, the bag hit you.
Why would the bag hit me? -( Nia screams) - Nia! (screaming continues) Ow.
Nia! Are you okay? (chuckles) That was crazy.
I know.
I should have done something to stop it.
No.
I mean, you said the heavy bag was gonna hit me and then it hit me.
You really are psychic.
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
I get it.
I tell a lot of crazy stories.
But this one was true.
And you're my twin brother, I should have known that.
I'm glad you know I wasn't lying.
I know I don't show it all the time, but I care what you think.
If you ever tell anyone I said this, I'll blame it on the heavy bag, but I think you're pretty great.
Aww.
Look at my two perfect angels.
(sighs) Guess they're not gonna get suspended.
Guess my vision was wrong.
Miss Baxter.
May I have a word? - Mom?! - Mom?! Oh, snap! Principal Wentworth, we are so sorry for our mother's behavior.
We can assure you that nothing like this will ever happen again.
Right, Mom? - It wasn't my fault! - Mom! (clears throat) I apologize.
Miss Baxter I've never had to do this to a parent before.
But family drama has no place in gym class.
You're suspended.
Please stay away from our school for three weeks.
You're suspending me for being an involved parent? No.
I'm suspending you for assaulting the gym teacher! That's fair.
So you convinced Nia that you're psychic? That's awesome! Yep! Now the only person left to tell is my mom.
Your mom overreacts about everything.
- You can't tell her.
- You're right.
Raven Baxter would not understand psychic visions.
Hey, Nia.
You know that Booker's not my favorite, right? - I know, Mom.
- Good.
It's just that sometimes I have to do more for him, just so he won't, you know, like, uh - Burn the house down? - Or flood it.
You know sometimes my baby boy can be a bit of a disaster.
I get it.
And I like being independent.
But I also like when I get your attention.
The good kind, not the crazy kind.
Oh, baby.
You know I can't tell the difference.
Come on, let's go.
(laughing) I'm telling you it's true.
He stole it.
Bieber must have seen that video of me on the Internet or something, 'cause You said it was Bruno Mars.
You said it was Justin Timberlake.
Wait.
You told me it was his choreographer.
Booker! You just lying.
The only person who stole that move was you from me! Bam! (kids laughing) (pop music playing) (screams) I'm-- I'm just gonna, um, order a pizza.
Way ahead of you, Mom.
Yo, kids meal.
How'd you know this was gonna happen? You psychic too? No.
I do this every time my mom grills.
(cheering)