Remington Steele (1982) s01e01 Episode Script
License to Steele
- I'm sorry.
Mr.
Steele's out of town, Mr - Ben Pearson.
- Telephone call for Remington Steele.
- Miss? - Mr.
Steele? - You found me.
- Do you always do things on such a grand scale, Mr.
Pearson? - Only when I'm aroused.
Remington Steele, may I present Special Agent Ben Pearson.
- Yes, it seems that someone's going around impersonating me.
- Cheeky blighter.
- That man that was with you - Yes? He isn't Remington Steele.
Ladies and gentlemen, Remington Steele! Why, you're nothing but a cut-rate con man! [Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
Having an imaginary boss is a dangerous way to live but so far, it's working.
Just in a little bit.
That's it.
Fine.
Wonderful.
Just hold it right there.
Ooh.
For another 50, you can keep the kids.
I'm afraid my suitcase isn't big enough.
Bye.
Didn't take him long to pick up the scent.
Only this time, we saw him before he saw us.
I must say, Miss Holt, I am less than impressed.
This is not why I retained the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
Thank you, gentlemen.
I could have arranged this method of transportation myself.
It does not take a security genius to hire an armed car service.
Mr.
Hunter, this is only I've got 2.
6 million dollars worth of gems arrivin' tomorrow.
Anybody wants to take a shot at 'em, all they gotta do is blow that tin can apart and run like hell.
If they do, they'll come up empty.
The art of security is a lot like a magic act, Mr.
Hunter.
It's built on deception.
While everybody's looking here, the gems will be over here.
So if anybody wants that box, they're welcome to it because this is the one that counts.
Murphy will go through the service entrance with the gems neatly tucked away in a linen cart.
- Now I'm impressed.
- Mr.
Steele will be pleased to hear that.
I'll tell him myself tomorrow.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
He isn't in Los Angeles at the moment.
What, you mean he's not gonna supervise this operation personally? Oh, we explained that Mr.
Steele never involves himself directly in a case.
He functions best in an advisory capacity.
Insurance only covers half the value of those gems.
Your magic act turns sour, I'm on the hook for a million three.
You wanna hear a little secret? I don't got a million three.
So I want Steele in the trenches, or I'm going somewhere else.
[Murphy.]
We're sorry you feel that way, sir.
We'll submit a bill for services to date.
Uh, Mr.
Steele will be calling in around 5:00.
I'll discuss the situation with him, see how he wants to proceed.
I'll expect an answer by 6:00.
- He in? - Waiting for you.
Let's get started.
It's five after 5:00.
Have you heard from Mr.
Steele yet? We all know the problem.
Let's talk solution.
Simple.
Say good-bye to Mr.
Hunter.
Isn't that a little precipitous? Laura, we made a rule.
If a client insists on dealing directly with Remington Steele, we pass.
Gordon Hunter is creating a media event.
Television, newspapers.
People magazine, for God's sake.
Whoever provides security for the gems gets kissed by the same spotlight.
The publicity is worth its weight in clients.
And you want Remington Steele to personally supervise security? That's right.
Can I ask a dumb question? How is Remington Steele going to do that when he doesn't exist? We don't have to produce a real, live Remington Steele.
Hunter just wants to know he's there.
The trick is to keep our nonexistent Mr.
Steele involved, yet inaccessible.
Wherever Hunter is, he'll always be somewhere else.
By the time Hunter realizes he hasn't met or even seen "Remington Steele" we'll have done our job.
I think we're courting disaster.
- Touch on the overhead.
- It's killing us.
These offices, the rental on the furniture not to mention the limousine and chauffeur.
The reason I invented Remington Steele in the first place was to attract clients like Hunter.
I'm telling you all we have to do is manufacture his presence for a few hours - and we can permanently dispense with the red ink.
- [Man.]
Hello? - Anyone about? - [Door Closes.]
- Mr.
Steele? - I'm sorry.
Mr.
Steele's out of town.
I'm his associate, Murphy Michaels.
- Have me met before? - I don't think so.
- Odd.
You look vaguely familiar.
- I've got that kind of face.
- So you do.
- Laura Holt.
- Bernice Foxe.
- Quite a busy office with so many secretaries.
I'm a licensed private investigator, Mr Pearson.
Ben Pearson.
- Special agent? - For want of a better title.
I represent the South African government.
Sorry to barge in unannounced, but I thought it best not to make a formal appointment.
Would you like some coffee? I'll make a fresh pot.
Or tea, perhaps? I'll make some fresh water.
I'm here on a rather delicate mission, and I need your assistance.
- Those gems you're guarding - [Murphy.]
What about 'em? They're stolen.
They were smuggled out of South Africa, quite illegally and eventually sold to a private museum in Rome.
From there, they were lent to museums in Paris and London.
Now they're here on some sort of promotional tour in the States.
Naturally, my government wants them returned.
That's a legal matter.
Why come to us? Ownership is currently tied up in litigation.
But if the gems should be stolen now, it won't matter who they legally belong to.
You think there'll be an attempt? They are the rarest gems in the world.
Royal Lavulite.
More precious than diamonds because there are so few of them.
The only known deposits reside in my country.
Yes, Miss Holt.
I think there will be an attempt.
That's why I'll need to be fully apprised of your security measures.
You don't mind if we check you out first? Not at all.
Quite frankly I would be rather disappointed if you didn't.
It would demonstrate a certain laxity on your behalf which would not be very reassuring to my government.
Then we'll see you again, Mr.
Pearson.
Count on it, Miss Holt.
Delightful aroma.
Anybody know what time it is in South Africa? Who are you? Just a happy-go-lucky tourist out to see a bit of the world.
Is that why you've got five passports from five different countries in five different names? - I keep trying for a good picture.
- Those gems belong to us.
I was under the impression that they belonged to the South African government.
We have a proprietary claim.
After all, the courier who smuggled them out of the country initially worked for us.
Only he got greedy and sold them on his own.
He's been properly chastised for his indiscretion.
May I get up now, or do you prefer me in the groveling position? Each time we try to reclaim those stones, you get in our way.
First Paris, then London.
Here you are again.
- Perhaps we have the same travel agent.
- I'm hungry.
Let's kill him and get somethin' to eat.
That won't satisfy anything but your appetite.
[Grunts.]
I'll admit we've been at cross-purposes up till now - but I think it's time we joined forces.
- Why? It certainly beats the alternative.
Keep in touch.
- Mr.
Hunter.
- You're late.
You can afford to be when you bring good news.
He'll be here.
Mr.
Steele feels your situation warrants his closest attention.
He'll be arriving late tonight.
[Chuckling.]
Well, what do you think? [Laura.]
It seems very adventurous building an automobile the way the industry is these days.
You ever have a dream, Miss Holt? A desire to see your talents recognized, your efforts applauded? Yes.
Ever since I started on the assembly line welding door panels I dreamed of having my name on the finest automobile ever built.
I went to engineering school at night.
I even took speech lessons so people would listen to what I had to say instead of how I said it.
Averaged three hours of sleep a night for six years until I was running a division of my own.
I've mortgaged everything but my vital parts to get this beauty launched.
This may be just another job to you, but it's my life.
I assure you, Mr.
Hunter.
In my own way, I am also risking everything I have.
Good.
I never like doing business with someone who doesn't have as much to lose as I do.
Mm-hmm.
Dr.
Livingstone, I presume.
- I didn't order this.
- Oh, the gentleman wishes to buy you a drink.
Tell the gentleman I appreciate the gesture, but I'm waiting for someone - A magnum of champagne? - You looked thirsty.
Do you always do things on such a grand scale, Mr.
Pearson? Only when I'm aroused with curiosity.
May I? Tell me, Miss Holt.
How did you become a dick? - I beg your pardon? - Isn't that what you Americans call a private detective? Only in the movies.
I always loved excitement so I studied and apprenticed and eventually joined a large detective agency.
And did it fulfill your fantasies? The work was rewarding.
The recognition was nil.
It seemed no matter how successful my efforts were the lion's share of the credit always went to my male counterparts regardless of their contribution.
Tawdry thing, this male chauvinism.
- You exhibited a little of it yourself.
- Oh? How so? When you instantly assumed I was a secretary.
You must admit your occupation is highly unusual for a woman especially one of such obvious breeding and intelligence.
You carry the same prejudice most people do.
Because of my sex, you think I'm not built for the job.
Mmm.
It is a rather rough-and-tumble trade.
At least the way it's portrayed in your cinema.
All those blazing guns and smashing fists.
Believe me, it requires more brain than brawn.
I take it sex isn't a problem for Remington Steele.
Yours, that is.
On the contrary.
He's the most generous, understanding, supportive man I could imagine.
He seems to have rather large shoes to fill.
Few would be foolish enough to try.
Unless, of course, one enjoyed impossible challenges.
Will he be involved tomorrow? Mr.
Steele's presence will be felt rather than seen.
- And his associate? - Murphy Michaels.
I certainly hope he's involved in the thick of things.
Seems an awfully competent chap.
Oh, he'll play a vital role.
Tomorrow, then.
May everything go as smoothly as I hope.
Excuse me.
Thanks for the champagne and the curiosity.
Murphy! I reserved the penthouse suite in Remington Steele's name.
Take the bags up, arrange the clothes and hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign.
- I hate this, Laura.
I really hate this.
- It's working, Murphy.
Don't fight it.
Very clever, getting intime with Steele's associate.
Simply sowing seeds, gentlemen.
And when can we expect the harvest? Tonight.
She's going to show me the route the gems will take.
Naturally, you're gonna share that little tidbit with your new associates.
I want you to follow us.
Of course, if you're not interested, gentlemen, I'll make the trip alone.
Excuse me.
Take my car.
Blue Mercedes.
And, for God's sake, don't lose us.
- [Engine Starting.]
- Miss Holt.
! I wonder if I might impose on you for a lift, Miss Holt? Certainly.
- Plush.
- Mr.
Steele graciously allows me to use it whenever he's away.
Your Mr.
Steele sounds too good to be true.
- Where can I drop you? - Wherever there's an abundance of police cars.
You in some kind of trouble? Depends on how quickly we can locate one.
Cut across to Sunset.
Do you pack a rod, Miss Holt? You've seen too many movies, Mr.
Pearson.
No, I don't pack a rod.
I've never found the need for one.
- Pity.
- Why? - The courier who smuggled those gems out of South Africa - What about him? He was brutally murdered by the two gentlemen behind us in the blue Mercedes.
May I use your phone? It's a local call.
Mobile operator? This is T-7328.
I'd like the police.
Yes, it's definitely an emergency.
- Why are they following us? - Police? I'd like to report a stolen vehicle.
Blue Mercedes 380 SL.
License number Well, the last time I saw it, it was traveling East on Sunset, just past Doheny.
East on Sunset, just past Doheny.
Please hurry.
I had some medicine in the backseat for my grandmother.
If she doesn't receive it Bless you.
Everyone needs a little added incentive now and then.
In light of this disturbing development, I suggest we change strategy.
- In what way? - Use a decoy.
Then slip the gems in when no one's looking.
You're very good at this sort of thing, Mr.
Pearson.
Have I read your mind, Miss Holt? - Let's just say it's been considered.
- [Siren Wailing.]
- So are you.
- What? Very good at this sort of thing.
Rather reaffirms one's faith in the local constabulary.
Cutting it a little close, aren't you? I had the most incredible evening.
- Yeah? With who? - Him.
I wanna hear all the gory details.
Well, first he bought me a bottle of champagne.
- Who bought you champagne? - Actually, it was a magnum.
Hey, I thought you didn't like champagne.
What happened after the champagne? We went for a drive, and that's when things really got hairy.
- Who went for a drive? - Laura and Special Agent Ben Pearson.
You went joyriding with a guy who could be an international jewel thief or, for all we know, a mass murderer? - That's not like you, Laura.
- Didn't he check out? Yeah, he checked out.
I talked to his supervisor this morning.
The only bump is Pearson wasn't supposed to arrive until today.
So, just to be sure, I requested a wire photo.
- Where are the bullets? - What are you doing? This isn't going to be the piece of cake we thought it would be.
The men who originally stole those gems are brutal murderers.
They followed us last night.
Even though Ben took care of them brilliantly - Ben? - I'd feel better if you packed a rod.
A rod? Page Remington Steele in exactly 27 minutes just to keep his presence alive.
I'll tell Hunter that Mr.
Steele already left for the airport.
[Bernice.]
Good luck.
Sounds like he got a lot for his lousy bottle of champagne.
It was a magnum.
[Chuckles.]
What a relief, gentlemen.
I thought you'd never get here in time.
Wonderful thing about Los Angeles.
It has 24-hour bail bond service.
I told you.
We should've killed him straight away.
It's very difficult to maintain a relationship built solely on mistrust, gentlemen.
Remington Steele.
- To the elevator, dear boy.
- Remington Steele.
Telephone call for Remington Steele.
- Miss? - Mr.
Steele? - You found me.
- This way, Mr.
Steele.
- There you are, sir.
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
H Steele here.
Who? Where? Can't talk now, Miss Wolfe? - Foxe.
- I knew it was some sort of primitive creature.
- Sorry, but I've literally got to run.
- Mr.
Steele! - I certainly feel safer with you here.
- My sentiments precisely.
Come with me.
There's someone I want you to meet in the security office.
Security office? Sounds very secure.
You know, somehow I thought you'd be older.
Oh! I can age on demand.
Remington Steele, may I present Special Agent Ben Pearson of South Africa.
Mr.
Steele.
A pleasure, sir.
I've heard a great deal about you.
And your name has preceded you, Mr.
Pearson.
Mr.
Pearson's here to assist you in protecting the gems.
Ah! That's a piece of good fortune I hadn't anticipated.
I assume you're aware of Raymond Kessler and Leo Neff? The gentlemen who murdered the courier.
Yes, they've made an indelible impression.
Well, at least they're a known quantity.
But I am afraid there is a bit of a hiccup in all this.
- Oh? - Yes.
It seems that someone's going around impersonating me.
- Cheeky blighter.
- He did it in Paris, and then again in London.
You wouldn't by any chance have a description of this impostor? My build, general coloring.
Could be anyone.
Hmph.
Including me.
[Chuckles.]
Mr.
Steele, how can I be of service? You could detain Messrs.
Kessler and Neff.
I believe they're in the hotel now.
Would that help you accomplish your objectives? - That would go a long way.
- Done.
Then could we get on with it? [Sighs.]
Miss Holt.
- I just spoke with Mr.
Steele.
- So did I.
- He's already left for the - He just arrived.
Mr.
Steele just arrived? Yes.
There he is with Special Agent Ben Pearson.
Hmm.
- Something wrong, old chap? - Uh, stomach's a bit queasy.
Wouldn't doubt it.
I'd be a little gaseous myself protecting over two million in rare gems.
But not to worry.
Just remember, I'll be watching you every step of the way.
Y-You have less than 20 minutes to get to the airport.
Yes.
Shall we? Oh.
Why not? - That man that was with you - Yes? - He isn't Remington Steele.
- He isn't? - He's an impostor.
- He is? - But don't say anything.
- Oh! You can count on me.
Why don't you pop on ahead, Miss Holt? And I'll stay behind - to reconnoiter the area in case there are problems.
- Nonsense.
- I want you both at the airport.
- Of course.
- What did he say? - He wants us both at the airport.
- No, I mean, that phony Steele.
- Oh.
Not much actually.
We were merely introduced.
He's obviously after those gems.
Why didn't Gordon Hunter blow the whistle on him? Well, he's never actually met Mr.
Steele.
You see, Mr.
Steele was out of town when we accepted this assignment.
But surely our charlatan realizes he'll be exposed once the real Steele comes upon the scene.
When do you expect him? That's difficult to pinpoint.
But you did say he'd be involved in this undertaking.
Yes, yes.
Extremely involved.
But unseen.
This is awfully tricky, Mr.
Pearson.
So it appears.
No pun intended.
You mustn't tell Hunter.
It would only undermine his confidence in the entire operation.
How long do you think we can keep this charade going? Just until the gems are delivered safely.
And then you'll nail this ersatz Remington Steele? To the wall, Mr.
Pearson.
To the very wall.
Graphically put.
- Can I count on your cooperation? - Oh! Believe me, mum's the operative word here.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
- You're the only one that I can turn to.
- Oh, there, there, Miss Holt.
As long as you trust me, there's nothing left to worry about.
- Mr.
Pearson? - Yes? Of course.
Mr.
Steele.
[Chuckles.]
Everything went without a hitch.
Yes.
Cracking good job, wasn't it? You know, Steele, I must admit.
I was somewhat skeptical.
Your Miss Holt certainly protects you.
Well, that's part of her function.
But this was bordering on the ridiculous.
I mean, I couldn't see you talk to you, not even on the telephone.
You were always unavailable or out of town.
I was beginning to think you didn't exist.
What is this fetish you have for secrecy? Anonymity is an asset in my profession.
Yes, but I mean, no photographs no interviews, never involving yourself directly in a case.
It wasn't only mine.
I spoke with several people who've dealt with your agency, and it was the same story.
Plenty of Miss Holt, none of you.
Well, now you have a great deal of me.
Who knows? When this is over, you may rue the day you ever met me.
[Elevator Dings.]
Hmm.
I seem to have left my key at the desk.
Would you let Mr.
Steele into his room? He seems to have forgotten his keys.
- Thank you.
So, I'll look for you tonight.
- Tonight? Yes, for the formal unveiling of the HunterJetstar 6000.
- And, of course, the gems.
- Of course.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
Pleasure to meet you Mr.
Steele.
- Any sign of him? - No.
Where do you suppose our impostor is? - I keep asking myself the same question.
- [Applause.]
[Hunter Over P.
A.
.]
Ladies and gentlemen, could we take our seats, please? We've got an awful lot to accomplish this evening, not the least of which is the unveiling of the finest automobile ever engineered by man.
But before we knock your socks off with the HunterJetstar 6000, I'd like to take a moment to thank the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
- Great endorsement.
- [Applause.]
Transporting and protecting the most precious gems in the world requires brilliant planning, daring execution and plain old street savvy.
So, without further ado, let me introduce to you the person responsible for the safety of the Royal Lavulite.
- Oh, this is so embarrassing.
I wish he'd stop.
- Wait.
An absolutely astounding human being.
Ladies and gentlemen - Remington Steele.
! - [Applause.]
"Years from now, when you talk of this and you will be kind.
" Deborah Kerr toJohn Kerr.
Tea and Sympathy.
MGM.
1956.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're most generous with your applause.
But it would be unworthy of Remington Steele if he didn't single out his most able and most valued associate.
Truly, the woman behind the man, Miss Laura Holt.
Please, Miss Holt, stand up and take a well-deserved bow.
And now, you have far more interesting things to look at than me.
So, please, Mr.
Hunter, show us your creation.
Thank you very much.
Without any further pause, I'd like to introduce to you the HunterJetstar 6000.
- You! - I didn't know he was gonna do that.
My sincere apologies.
What are you going to do when Mr.
Steele arrives? I'd like to meet the man whose shoes I'm attempting to fill.
- How am I doing so far? - Atrociously.
You're not a thing like Mr.
Steele.
He's honest dedicated, better looking while you're nothing but a treacherous liar! A cheap crook! A cut-rate con man! What are you doing? Let go of me! Whatever possessed you to think you could get away with this? [Panting.]
Impeccable man, your Mr.
Steele.
Do you know there's not a piece of lint, a speck of dandruff a hank of hair on any of his suits? And he obviously wears a shirt once and then discards it since there's no laundry marks to be found.
The same with the shoes.
The soles seem never to have touched the ground.
Not one single, solitary scuff mark.
Well, he's fastidious, almost to a fault.
- Bald too? - Of course not! Then he's blessed.
I'm forever plucking stray hairs from my comb and brush.
Positively demoralizing, but an inescapable part of the human condition.
[Chuckles.]
Does any of this say anything to you, Miss Holt? It does to me.
It fairly shouts "Remington Steele is an elaborate ruse.
" He does not exist.
You invented him.
What are you going to do with this absurd supposition? Nothing.
Believe me, Laura.
I didn't plan on assuming Remington Steele's identity.
I'm after something entirely different.
- The gems.
- Mm-mmm.
The courier the one who was murdered? He was my younger brother.
I'm here to see that Kessler and Neff pay for his death.
I don't know whether to believe you or not.
That's understandable.
But the moment they're apprehended, I shall be gone and your secret shall leave with me.
Excuse me.
That guy's a fake.
I told you, Laura.
- I warned you about him.
- I know.
I know! This is the special agent from South Africa.
[Laura.]
What do we know about the courier who was murdered? Let's see.
His name is Otto Dettmer.
- He was born in Johannesburg - How old is he? Uh, 63 or 64, I think.
- Keep an eye on him.
Come on.
- Wait.
What He certainly gets around.
"Douglas Quintain, England.
" "Michael O'Leary, Ireland.
" "Paul Fabrini, Italy.
" "John Murrell, France.
" - "Richard Blaine, Australia.
" - Wait a minute.
Run through those names again.
Uh, "Blaine "Murrell "Fabrini O'Leary, Quintain.
" - I don't believe it.
- I know.
He doesn't look like a Fabrini.
No.
Each of those names is from a character Humphrey Bogart played in the movies.
- Well, we know one thing.
- What? He likes Humphrey Bogart.
[Screams.]
- Well, now we know something else.
- What? He's a murderer.
- [Lifts Telephone Receiver, Dials.]
- What are you doing? - Calling the police.
- No! Laura, the guy's dangerous.
Ask, uh, Ben Pearson just how dangerous.
I want the agency to bring him in.
It's the only way we can come out even on this fiasco.
Besides, he's made the whole thing very personal.
- [Replaces Receiver.]
- He's not gonna stick around after this.
He wants those gems.
He won't leave until he's taken a shot at them.
Laura.
I hope it's only the agency you're trying to protect.
It's the only thing I'm interested in, Murphy.
Okay.
Mr.
Hunter? Welcome to the party.
Pull up an empty promise and sit down.
There may be an attempt to steal the gems.
Possibly tonight.
The way my luck's runnin', it'll succeed.
We know who the potential thief is.
We're doing everything we can to locate him.
They ate my food, they drank my booze, but they didn't buy my car.
I'm sorry.
I completely retooled an abandoned tire factory in Toledo hired 800 people to turn out a car nobody wants.
Let me tell you, Miss Holt.
Dreams aren't all they're cracked up to be.
No, Mr.
Hunter.
Sometimes, they aren't.
[Door Rattling.]
- [Laura Gasps.]
- Miss Holt.
What a welcome surprise.
How did you know where to find me? Since you seem to have acquired a taste for masquerading as Remington Steele - it was a logical place to look.
- Ah! - Your brother, the courier - Devastating loss.
- He was 63 years old.
- My older brother.
Laura, get it over with and turn him in.
No need for that.
I'll confess.
I'll admit your intuition was correct.
I am here for the gems.
But not for myself.
For a modest commission I intend to return them to their rightful owner the South African government.
- By stealing them? - From the people who stole them.
I think that's just a technicality.
You're a thief.
Kessler and Neff are thieves.
I'm an artist.
You're a murderer.
Ben Pearson the real Ben Pearson is hanging from a coat hook in your room.
Ah! Oh, those filthy Who? [Sighs.]
Kessler and his ape, Neff.
He was killed with a knife, wasn't he? Blade about six inches long? An incision in upward thrust just below the third vertebra? Hell of an accurate description for an innocent man.
[Huffs.]
I've been chasing those two animals halfway across Europe.
Believe me I'm familiar with their work.
If you want them, you'll have to move fast.
They'll go for the gems tonight.
What makes you so certain? I would.
- Ah.
- Do you still intend to? The thought has crossed my mind.
- Then I'd have to stop you.
- If you could.
Easy.
I'd call the police.
Why haven't you already? Why aren't they here now? - Because you don't believe I killed Ben Pearson.
- I do.
You don't count.
This is between Miss Holt and myself.
Do you, Laura? - I don't know.
- Don't waste time agonizing.
Tell me: What would Remington Steele do in this situation? Call the police.
Then call them.
- Where are you going? - I've been avoiding those two gentlemen all evening.
I think it's time they found me.
I hope you're not squeamish, Murphy.
- Not around you.
- Good.
Then you won't mind bringing Pearson's body up here.
[Door Opens, Closes.]
[Dialing.]
I tried his room.
There's no answer.
Perhaps you could page him in the lobby.
Thank you.
Remington Steele.
Telephone call for Remington Steele.
Remington Steele.
Telephone call.
- Here.
- Remington Steele? This way, sir.
- Here you are, Mr.
Steele.
- Steele here.
We've been looking for you, Mr.
Steele.
There's no avoiding good friends, is there? This time, we brought our own transportation.
I'd wager you'd have an easier time cracking that safe if you had the specifications.
- Where would we get them? - From Remington Steele.
After all, he's the one that's providing security for the gems.
Shall we? Where are they? Holy We left him in his room! So you did, gentlemen.
I think your laboratory will find this to be the murder instrument.
- Who are you? - Are you kidding? He's Remington Steele.
You're as good as they say you are.
The Remington Steele Agency is far more than one man, officer.
On their behalf, I thank you.
Will you be all right? Well? Well? I'm afraid it's time to leave your lovely city.
Where will you go? Wherever the gems travel next.
San Francisco, I believe.
I give you my word.
I won't try to liberate the gems until they're safely out of your jurisdiction.
All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.
If the press of other commitments wasn't so severe I might relish the role on a permanent basis.
After all, I'm a man who enjoys impossible challenges.
Laura.
! Somebody blindsided me.
He lied to me.
That treacherous thief lied to me! Don't Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
- I was very encouraged by last night's showing - Stop that man! He's a thief! - You mean, you didn't steal the gems? - Laura, I gave you my word.
- But they're fair game now.
- Oh, no, they're not! Oh, hold hold it steady.
- You're choking me! - Give me that! Give it to me! I take it you wanted to drive.
[Bernice.]
"Remington Steele and unidentified woman" that's you "rescue rare gems.
" Poor Mr.
Hunter.
He wasn't a thief.
Just a man who saw his dream going down in a sea of red ink.
He wanted to use the gems to finance production of his automobile.
- Good morning.
- Lester Giddons.
I have a 9:00 with Remington Steele? Oh, I'm afraid Mr.
Steele was called away on urgent business in San Francisco.
- But we can use his office.
- Oh.
Lf, uh, anyone should call He won't.
[Giddons.]
Mr.
Steele.
I thought you were in San Francisco.
I was.
But, uh, suddenly, there was nothing for me to do up there.
Now, how can I help you? [Mews.]
Mr.
Steele's out of town, Mr - Ben Pearson.
- Telephone call for Remington Steele.
- Miss? - Mr.
Steele? - You found me.
- Do you always do things on such a grand scale, Mr.
Pearson? - Only when I'm aroused.
Remington Steele, may I present Special Agent Ben Pearson.
- Yes, it seems that someone's going around impersonating me.
- Cheeky blighter.
- That man that was with you - Yes? He isn't Remington Steele.
Ladies and gentlemen, Remington Steele! Why, you're nothing but a cut-rate con man! [Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
Having an imaginary boss is a dangerous way to live but so far, it's working.
Just in a little bit.
That's it.
Fine.
Wonderful.
Just hold it right there.
Ooh.
For another 50, you can keep the kids.
I'm afraid my suitcase isn't big enough.
Bye.
Didn't take him long to pick up the scent.
Only this time, we saw him before he saw us.
I must say, Miss Holt, I am less than impressed.
This is not why I retained the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
Thank you, gentlemen.
I could have arranged this method of transportation myself.
It does not take a security genius to hire an armed car service.
Mr.
Hunter, this is only I've got 2.
6 million dollars worth of gems arrivin' tomorrow.
Anybody wants to take a shot at 'em, all they gotta do is blow that tin can apart and run like hell.
If they do, they'll come up empty.
The art of security is a lot like a magic act, Mr.
Hunter.
It's built on deception.
While everybody's looking here, the gems will be over here.
So if anybody wants that box, they're welcome to it because this is the one that counts.
Murphy will go through the service entrance with the gems neatly tucked away in a linen cart.
- Now I'm impressed.
- Mr.
Steele will be pleased to hear that.
I'll tell him myself tomorrow.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
He isn't in Los Angeles at the moment.
What, you mean he's not gonna supervise this operation personally? Oh, we explained that Mr.
Steele never involves himself directly in a case.
He functions best in an advisory capacity.
Insurance only covers half the value of those gems.
Your magic act turns sour, I'm on the hook for a million three.
You wanna hear a little secret? I don't got a million three.
So I want Steele in the trenches, or I'm going somewhere else.
[Murphy.]
We're sorry you feel that way, sir.
We'll submit a bill for services to date.
Uh, Mr.
Steele will be calling in around 5:00.
I'll discuss the situation with him, see how he wants to proceed.
I'll expect an answer by 6:00.
- He in? - Waiting for you.
Let's get started.
It's five after 5:00.
Have you heard from Mr.
Steele yet? We all know the problem.
Let's talk solution.
Simple.
Say good-bye to Mr.
Hunter.
Isn't that a little precipitous? Laura, we made a rule.
If a client insists on dealing directly with Remington Steele, we pass.
Gordon Hunter is creating a media event.
Television, newspapers.
People magazine, for God's sake.
Whoever provides security for the gems gets kissed by the same spotlight.
The publicity is worth its weight in clients.
And you want Remington Steele to personally supervise security? That's right.
Can I ask a dumb question? How is Remington Steele going to do that when he doesn't exist? We don't have to produce a real, live Remington Steele.
Hunter just wants to know he's there.
The trick is to keep our nonexistent Mr.
Steele involved, yet inaccessible.
Wherever Hunter is, he'll always be somewhere else.
By the time Hunter realizes he hasn't met or even seen "Remington Steele" we'll have done our job.
I think we're courting disaster.
- Touch on the overhead.
- It's killing us.
These offices, the rental on the furniture not to mention the limousine and chauffeur.
The reason I invented Remington Steele in the first place was to attract clients like Hunter.
I'm telling you all we have to do is manufacture his presence for a few hours - and we can permanently dispense with the red ink.
- [Man.]
Hello? - Anyone about? - [Door Closes.]
- Mr.
Steele? - I'm sorry.
Mr.
Steele's out of town.
I'm his associate, Murphy Michaels.
- Have me met before? - I don't think so.
- Odd.
You look vaguely familiar.
- I've got that kind of face.
- So you do.
- Laura Holt.
- Bernice Foxe.
- Quite a busy office with so many secretaries.
I'm a licensed private investigator, Mr Pearson.
Ben Pearson.
- Special agent? - For want of a better title.
I represent the South African government.
Sorry to barge in unannounced, but I thought it best not to make a formal appointment.
Would you like some coffee? I'll make a fresh pot.
Or tea, perhaps? I'll make some fresh water.
I'm here on a rather delicate mission, and I need your assistance.
- Those gems you're guarding - [Murphy.]
What about 'em? They're stolen.
They were smuggled out of South Africa, quite illegally and eventually sold to a private museum in Rome.
From there, they were lent to museums in Paris and London.
Now they're here on some sort of promotional tour in the States.
Naturally, my government wants them returned.
That's a legal matter.
Why come to us? Ownership is currently tied up in litigation.
But if the gems should be stolen now, it won't matter who they legally belong to.
You think there'll be an attempt? They are the rarest gems in the world.
Royal Lavulite.
More precious than diamonds because there are so few of them.
The only known deposits reside in my country.
Yes, Miss Holt.
I think there will be an attempt.
That's why I'll need to be fully apprised of your security measures.
You don't mind if we check you out first? Not at all.
Quite frankly I would be rather disappointed if you didn't.
It would demonstrate a certain laxity on your behalf which would not be very reassuring to my government.
Then we'll see you again, Mr.
Pearson.
Count on it, Miss Holt.
Delightful aroma.
Anybody know what time it is in South Africa? Who are you? Just a happy-go-lucky tourist out to see a bit of the world.
Is that why you've got five passports from five different countries in five different names? - I keep trying for a good picture.
- Those gems belong to us.
I was under the impression that they belonged to the South African government.
We have a proprietary claim.
After all, the courier who smuggled them out of the country initially worked for us.
Only he got greedy and sold them on his own.
He's been properly chastised for his indiscretion.
May I get up now, or do you prefer me in the groveling position? Each time we try to reclaim those stones, you get in our way.
First Paris, then London.
Here you are again.
- Perhaps we have the same travel agent.
- I'm hungry.
Let's kill him and get somethin' to eat.
That won't satisfy anything but your appetite.
[Grunts.]
I'll admit we've been at cross-purposes up till now - but I think it's time we joined forces.
- Why? It certainly beats the alternative.
Keep in touch.
- Mr.
Hunter.
- You're late.
You can afford to be when you bring good news.
He'll be here.
Mr.
Steele feels your situation warrants his closest attention.
He'll be arriving late tonight.
[Chuckling.]
Well, what do you think? [Laura.]
It seems very adventurous building an automobile the way the industry is these days.
You ever have a dream, Miss Holt? A desire to see your talents recognized, your efforts applauded? Yes.
Ever since I started on the assembly line welding door panels I dreamed of having my name on the finest automobile ever built.
I went to engineering school at night.
I even took speech lessons so people would listen to what I had to say instead of how I said it.
Averaged three hours of sleep a night for six years until I was running a division of my own.
I've mortgaged everything but my vital parts to get this beauty launched.
This may be just another job to you, but it's my life.
I assure you, Mr.
Hunter.
In my own way, I am also risking everything I have.
Good.
I never like doing business with someone who doesn't have as much to lose as I do.
Mm-hmm.
Dr.
Livingstone, I presume.
- I didn't order this.
- Oh, the gentleman wishes to buy you a drink.
Tell the gentleman I appreciate the gesture, but I'm waiting for someone - A magnum of champagne? - You looked thirsty.
Do you always do things on such a grand scale, Mr.
Pearson? Only when I'm aroused with curiosity.
May I? Tell me, Miss Holt.
How did you become a dick? - I beg your pardon? - Isn't that what you Americans call a private detective? Only in the movies.
I always loved excitement so I studied and apprenticed and eventually joined a large detective agency.
And did it fulfill your fantasies? The work was rewarding.
The recognition was nil.
It seemed no matter how successful my efforts were the lion's share of the credit always went to my male counterparts regardless of their contribution.
Tawdry thing, this male chauvinism.
- You exhibited a little of it yourself.
- Oh? How so? When you instantly assumed I was a secretary.
You must admit your occupation is highly unusual for a woman especially one of such obvious breeding and intelligence.
You carry the same prejudice most people do.
Because of my sex, you think I'm not built for the job.
Mmm.
It is a rather rough-and-tumble trade.
At least the way it's portrayed in your cinema.
All those blazing guns and smashing fists.
Believe me, it requires more brain than brawn.
I take it sex isn't a problem for Remington Steele.
Yours, that is.
On the contrary.
He's the most generous, understanding, supportive man I could imagine.
He seems to have rather large shoes to fill.
Few would be foolish enough to try.
Unless, of course, one enjoyed impossible challenges.
Will he be involved tomorrow? Mr.
Steele's presence will be felt rather than seen.
- And his associate? - Murphy Michaels.
I certainly hope he's involved in the thick of things.
Seems an awfully competent chap.
Oh, he'll play a vital role.
Tomorrow, then.
May everything go as smoothly as I hope.
Excuse me.
Thanks for the champagne and the curiosity.
Murphy! I reserved the penthouse suite in Remington Steele's name.
Take the bags up, arrange the clothes and hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign.
- I hate this, Laura.
I really hate this.
- It's working, Murphy.
Don't fight it.
Very clever, getting intime with Steele's associate.
Simply sowing seeds, gentlemen.
And when can we expect the harvest? Tonight.
She's going to show me the route the gems will take.
Naturally, you're gonna share that little tidbit with your new associates.
I want you to follow us.
Of course, if you're not interested, gentlemen, I'll make the trip alone.
Excuse me.
Take my car.
Blue Mercedes.
And, for God's sake, don't lose us.
- [Engine Starting.]
- Miss Holt.
! I wonder if I might impose on you for a lift, Miss Holt? Certainly.
- Plush.
- Mr.
Steele graciously allows me to use it whenever he's away.
Your Mr.
Steele sounds too good to be true.
- Where can I drop you? - Wherever there's an abundance of police cars.
You in some kind of trouble? Depends on how quickly we can locate one.
Cut across to Sunset.
Do you pack a rod, Miss Holt? You've seen too many movies, Mr.
Pearson.
No, I don't pack a rod.
I've never found the need for one.
- Pity.
- Why? - The courier who smuggled those gems out of South Africa - What about him? He was brutally murdered by the two gentlemen behind us in the blue Mercedes.
May I use your phone? It's a local call.
Mobile operator? This is T-7328.
I'd like the police.
Yes, it's definitely an emergency.
- Why are they following us? - Police? I'd like to report a stolen vehicle.
Blue Mercedes 380 SL.
License number Well, the last time I saw it, it was traveling East on Sunset, just past Doheny.
East on Sunset, just past Doheny.
Please hurry.
I had some medicine in the backseat for my grandmother.
If she doesn't receive it Bless you.
Everyone needs a little added incentive now and then.
In light of this disturbing development, I suggest we change strategy.
- In what way? - Use a decoy.
Then slip the gems in when no one's looking.
You're very good at this sort of thing, Mr.
Pearson.
Have I read your mind, Miss Holt? - Let's just say it's been considered.
- [Siren Wailing.]
- So are you.
- What? Very good at this sort of thing.
Rather reaffirms one's faith in the local constabulary.
Cutting it a little close, aren't you? I had the most incredible evening.
- Yeah? With who? - Him.
I wanna hear all the gory details.
Well, first he bought me a bottle of champagne.
- Who bought you champagne? - Actually, it was a magnum.
Hey, I thought you didn't like champagne.
What happened after the champagne? We went for a drive, and that's when things really got hairy.
- Who went for a drive? - Laura and Special Agent Ben Pearson.
You went joyriding with a guy who could be an international jewel thief or, for all we know, a mass murderer? - That's not like you, Laura.
- Didn't he check out? Yeah, he checked out.
I talked to his supervisor this morning.
The only bump is Pearson wasn't supposed to arrive until today.
So, just to be sure, I requested a wire photo.
- Where are the bullets? - What are you doing? This isn't going to be the piece of cake we thought it would be.
The men who originally stole those gems are brutal murderers.
They followed us last night.
Even though Ben took care of them brilliantly - Ben? - I'd feel better if you packed a rod.
A rod? Page Remington Steele in exactly 27 minutes just to keep his presence alive.
I'll tell Hunter that Mr.
Steele already left for the airport.
[Bernice.]
Good luck.
Sounds like he got a lot for his lousy bottle of champagne.
It was a magnum.
[Chuckles.]
What a relief, gentlemen.
I thought you'd never get here in time.
Wonderful thing about Los Angeles.
It has 24-hour bail bond service.
I told you.
We should've killed him straight away.
It's very difficult to maintain a relationship built solely on mistrust, gentlemen.
Remington Steele.
- To the elevator, dear boy.
- Remington Steele.
Telephone call for Remington Steele.
- Miss? - Mr.
Steele? - You found me.
- This way, Mr.
Steele.
- There you are, sir.
- Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
H Steele here.
Who? Where? Can't talk now, Miss Wolfe? - Foxe.
- I knew it was some sort of primitive creature.
- Sorry, but I've literally got to run.
- Mr.
Steele! - I certainly feel safer with you here.
- My sentiments precisely.
Come with me.
There's someone I want you to meet in the security office.
Security office? Sounds very secure.
You know, somehow I thought you'd be older.
Oh! I can age on demand.
Remington Steele, may I present Special Agent Ben Pearson of South Africa.
Mr.
Steele.
A pleasure, sir.
I've heard a great deal about you.
And your name has preceded you, Mr.
Pearson.
Mr.
Pearson's here to assist you in protecting the gems.
Ah! That's a piece of good fortune I hadn't anticipated.
I assume you're aware of Raymond Kessler and Leo Neff? The gentlemen who murdered the courier.
Yes, they've made an indelible impression.
Well, at least they're a known quantity.
But I am afraid there is a bit of a hiccup in all this.
- Oh? - Yes.
It seems that someone's going around impersonating me.
- Cheeky blighter.
- He did it in Paris, and then again in London.
You wouldn't by any chance have a description of this impostor? My build, general coloring.
Could be anyone.
Hmph.
Including me.
[Chuckles.]
Mr.
Steele, how can I be of service? You could detain Messrs.
Kessler and Neff.
I believe they're in the hotel now.
Would that help you accomplish your objectives? - That would go a long way.
- Done.
Then could we get on with it? [Sighs.]
Miss Holt.
- I just spoke with Mr.
Steele.
- So did I.
- He's already left for the - He just arrived.
Mr.
Steele just arrived? Yes.
There he is with Special Agent Ben Pearson.
Hmm.
- Something wrong, old chap? - Uh, stomach's a bit queasy.
Wouldn't doubt it.
I'd be a little gaseous myself protecting over two million in rare gems.
But not to worry.
Just remember, I'll be watching you every step of the way.
Y-You have less than 20 minutes to get to the airport.
Yes.
Shall we? Oh.
Why not? - That man that was with you - Yes? - He isn't Remington Steele.
- He isn't? - He's an impostor.
- He is? - But don't say anything.
- Oh! You can count on me.
Why don't you pop on ahead, Miss Holt? And I'll stay behind - to reconnoiter the area in case there are problems.
- Nonsense.
- I want you both at the airport.
- Of course.
- What did he say? - He wants us both at the airport.
- No, I mean, that phony Steele.
- Oh.
Not much actually.
We were merely introduced.
He's obviously after those gems.
Why didn't Gordon Hunter blow the whistle on him? Well, he's never actually met Mr.
Steele.
You see, Mr.
Steele was out of town when we accepted this assignment.
But surely our charlatan realizes he'll be exposed once the real Steele comes upon the scene.
When do you expect him? That's difficult to pinpoint.
But you did say he'd be involved in this undertaking.
Yes, yes.
Extremely involved.
But unseen.
This is awfully tricky, Mr.
Pearson.
So it appears.
No pun intended.
You mustn't tell Hunter.
It would only undermine his confidence in the entire operation.
How long do you think we can keep this charade going? Just until the gems are delivered safely.
And then you'll nail this ersatz Remington Steele? To the wall, Mr.
Pearson.
To the very wall.
Graphically put.
- Can I count on your cooperation? - Oh! Believe me, mum's the operative word here.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
- You're the only one that I can turn to.
- Oh, there, there, Miss Holt.
As long as you trust me, there's nothing left to worry about.
- Mr.
Pearson? - Yes? Of course.
Mr.
Steele.
[Chuckles.]
Everything went without a hitch.
Yes.
Cracking good job, wasn't it? You know, Steele, I must admit.
I was somewhat skeptical.
Your Miss Holt certainly protects you.
Well, that's part of her function.
But this was bordering on the ridiculous.
I mean, I couldn't see you talk to you, not even on the telephone.
You were always unavailable or out of town.
I was beginning to think you didn't exist.
What is this fetish you have for secrecy? Anonymity is an asset in my profession.
Yes, but I mean, no photographs no interviews, never involving yourself directly in a case.
It wasn't only mine.
I spoke with several people who've dealt with your agency, and it was the same story.
Plenty of Miss Holt, none of you.
Well, now you have a great deal of me.
Who knows? When this is over, you may rue the day you ever met me.
[Elevator Dings.]
Hmm.
I seem to have left my key at the desk.
Would you let Mr.
Steele into his room? He seems to have forgotten his keys.
- Thank you.
So, I'll look for you tonight.
- Tonight? Yes, for the formal unveiling of the HunterJetstar 6000.
- And, of course, the gems.
- Of course.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
Pleasure to meet you Mr.
Steele.
- Any sign of him? - No.
Where do you suppose our impostor is? - I keep asking myself the same question.
- [Applause.]
[Hunter Over P.
A.
.]
Ladies and gentlemen, could we take our seats, please? We've got an awful lot to accomplish this evening, not the least of which is the unveiling of the finest automobile ever engineered by man.
But before we knock your socks off with the HunterJetstar 6000, I'd like to take a moment to thank the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
- Great endorsement.
- [Applause.]
Transporting and protecting the most precious gems in the world requires brilliant planning, daring execution and plain old street savvy.
So, without further ado, let me introduce to you the person responsible for the safety of the Royal Lavulite.
- Oh, this is so embarrassing.
I wish he'd stop.
- Wait.
An absolutely astounding human being.
Ladies and gentlemen - Remington Steele.
! - [Applause.]
"Years from now, when you talk of this and you will be kind.
" Deborah Kerr toJohn Kerr.
Tea and Sympathy.
MGM.
1956.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're most generous with your applause.
But it would be unworthy of Remington Steele if he didn't single out his most able and most valued associate.
Truly, the woman behind the man, Miss Laura Holt.
Please, Miss Holt, stand up and take a well-deserved bow.
And now, you have far more interesting things to look at than me.
So, please, Mr.
Hunter, show us your creation.
Thank you very much.
Without any further pause, I'd like to introduce to you the HunterJetstar 6000.
- You! - I didn't know he was gonna do that.
My sincere apologies.
What are you going to do when Mr.
Steele arrives? I'd like to meet the man whose shoes I'm attempting to fill.
- How am I doing so far? - Atrociously.
You're not a thing like Mr.
Steele.
He's honest dedicated, better looking while you're nothing but a treacherous liar! A cheap crook! A cut-rate con man! What are you doing? Let go of me! Whatever possessed you to think you could get away with this? [Panting.]
Impeccable man, your Mr.
Steele.
Do you know there's not a piece of lint, a speck of dandruff a hank of hair on any of his suits? And he obviously wears a shirt once and then discards it since there's no laundry marks to be found.
The same with the shoes.
The soles seem never to have touched the ground.
Not one single, solitary scuff mark.
Well, he's fastidious, almost to a fault.
- Bald too? - Of course not! Then he's blessed.
I'm forever plucking stray hairs from my comb and brush.
Positively demoralizing, but an inescapable part of the human condition.
[Chuckles.]
Does any of this say anything to you, Miss Holt? It does to me.
It fairly shouts "Remington Steele is an elaborate ruse.
" He does not exist.
You invented him.
What are you going to do with this absurd supposition? Nothing.
Believe me, Laura.
I didn't plan on assuming Remington Steele's identity.
I'm after something entirely different.
- The gems.
- Mm-mmm.
The courier the one who was murdered? He was my younger brother.
I'm here to see that Kessler and Neff pay for his death.
I don't know whether to believe you or not.
That's understandable.
But the moment they're apprehended, I shall be gone and your secret shall leave with me.
Excuse me.
That guy's a fake.
I told you, Laura.
- I warned you about him.
- I know.
I know! This is the special agent from South Africa.
[Laura.]
What do we know about the courier who was murdered? Let's see.
His name is Otto Dettmer.
- He was born in Johannesburg - How old is he? Uh, 63 or 64, I think.
- Keep an eye on him.
Come on.
- Wait.
What He certainly gets around.
"Douglas Quintain, England.
" "Michael O'Leary, Ireland.
" "Paul Fabrini, Italy.
" "John Murrell, France.
" - "Richard Blaine, Australia.
" - Wait a minute.
Run through those names again.
Uh, "Blaine "Murrell "Fabrini O'Leary, Quintain.
" - I don't believe it.
- I know.
He doesn't look like a Fabrini.
No.
Each of those names is from a character Humphrey Bogart played in the movies.
- Well, we know one thing.
- What? He likes Humphrey Bogart.
[Screams.]
- Well, now we know something else.
- What? He's a murderer.
- [Lifts Telephone Receiver, Dials.]
- What are you doing? - Calling the police.
- No! Laura, the guy's dangerous.
Ask, uh, Ben Pearson just how dangerous.
I want the agency to bring him in.
It's the only way we can come out even on this fiasco.
Besides, he's made the whole thing very personal.
- [Replaces Receiver.]
- He's not gonna stick around after this.
He wants those gems.
He won't leave until he's taken a shot at them.
Laura.
I hope it's only the agency you're trying to protect.
It's the only thing I'm interested in, Murphy.
Okay.
Mr.
Hunter? Welcome to the party.
Pull up an empty promise and sit down.
There may be an attempt to steal the gems.
Possibly tonight.
The way my luck's runnin', it'll succeed.
We know who the potential thief is.
We're doing everything we can to locate him.
They ate my food, they drank my booze, but they didn't buy my car.
I'm sorry.
I completely retooled an abandoned tire factory in Toledo hired 800 people to turn out a car nobody wants.
Let me tell you, Miss Holt.
Dreams aren't all they're cracked up to be.
No, Mr.
Hunter.
Sometimes, they aren't.
[Door Rattling.]
- [Laura Gasps.]
- Miss Holt.
What a welcome surprise.
How did you know where to find me? Since you seem to have acquired a taste for masquerading as Remington Steele - it was a logical place to look.
- Ah! - Your brother, the courier - Devastating loss.
- He was 63 years old.
- My older brother.
Laura, get it over with and turn him in.
No need for that.
I'll confess.
I'll admit your intuition was correct.
I am here for the gems.
But not for myself.
For a modest commission I intend to return them to their rightful owner the South African government.
- By stealing them? - From the people who stole them.
I think that's just a technicality.
You're a thief.
Kessler and Neff are thieves.
I'm an artist.
You're a murderer.
Ben Pearson the real Ben Pearson is hanging from a coat hook in your room.
Ah! Oh, those filthy Who? [Sighs.]
Kessler and his ape, Neff.
He was killed with a knife, wasn't he? Blade about six inches long? An incision in upward thrust just below the third vertebra? Hell of an accurate description for an innocent man.
[Huffs.]
I've been chasing those two animals halfway across Europe.
Believe me I'm familiar with their work.
If you want them, you'll have to move fast.
They'll go for the gems tonight.
What makes you so certain? I would.
- Ah.
- Do you still intend to? The thought has crossed my mind.
- Then I'd have to stop you.
- If you could.
Easy.
I'd call the police.
Why haven't you already? Why aren't they here now? - Because you don't believe I killed Ben Pearson.
- I do.
You don't count.
This is between Miss Holt and myself.
Do you, Laura? - I don't know.
- Don't waste time agonizing.
Tell me: What would Remington Steele do in this situation? Call the police.
Then call them.
- Where are you going? - I've been avoiding those two gentlemen all evening.
I think it's time they found me.
I hope you're not squeamish, Murphy.
- Not around you.
- Good.
Then you won't mind bringing Pearson's body up here.
[Door Opens, Closes.]
[Dialing.]
I tried his room.
There's no answer.
Perhaps you could page him in the lobby.
Thank you.
Remington Steele.
Telephone call for Remington Steele.
Remington Steele.
Telephone call.
- Here.
- Remington Steele? This way, sir.
- Here you are, Mr.
Steele.
- Steele here.
We've been looking for you, Mr.
Steele.
There's no avoiding good friends, is there? This time, we brought our own transportation.
I'd wager you'd have an easier time cracking that safe if you had the specifications.
- Where would we get them? - From Remington Steele.
After all, he's the one that's providing security for the gems.
Shall we? Where are they? Holy We left him in his room! So you did, gentlemen.
I think your laboratory will find this to be the murder instrument.
- Who are you? - Are you kidding? He's Remington Steele.
You're as good as they say you are.
The Remington Steele Agency is far more than one man, officer.
On their behalf, I thank you.
Will you be all right? Well? Well? I'm afraid it's time to leave your lovely city.
Where will you go? Wherever the gems travel next.
San Francisco, I believe.
I give you my word.
I won't try to liberate the gems until they're safely out of your jurisdiction.
All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.
If the press of other commitments wasn't so severe I might relish the role on a permanent basis.
After all, I'm a man who enjoys impossible challenges.
Laura.
! Somebody blindsided me.
He lied to me.
That treacherous thief lied to me! Don't Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
- I was very encouraged by last night's showing - Stop that man! He's a thief! - You mean, you didn't steal the gems? - Laura, I gave you my word.
- But they're fair game now.
- Oh, no, they're not! Oh, hold hold it steady.
- You're choking me! - Give me that! Give it to me! I take it you wanted to drive.
[Bernice.]
"Remington Steele and unidentified woman" that's you "rescue rare gems.
" Poor Mr.
Hunter.
He wasn't a thief.
Just a man who saw his dream going down in a sea of red ink.
He wanted to use the gems to finance production of his automobile.
- Good morning.
- Lester Giddons.
I have a 9:00 with Remington Steele? Oh, I'm afraid Mr.
Steele was called away on urgent business in San Francisco.
- But we can use his office.
- Oh.
Lf, uh, anyone should call He won't.
[Giddons.]
Mr.
Steele.
I thought you were in San Francisco.
I was.
But, uh, suddenly, there was nothing for me to do up there.
Now, how can I help you? [Mews.]