Rescue Me s01e01 Episode Script
Guts
Hey! Check the bathroom! Ahh.
You wanna know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together.
I've been in the middle of shit that would make you piss your pants right now.
Uptown, Downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn.
But there ain't no medals on my chest, assholes, because I ain't no hero.
I'm a fireman.
We're not in the business of making heroes here.
We're in the business of discovering cowards, because that's what you are if you can't take the heat.
You're a pussy, and there ain't no room for pussies in the FDNY.
What are you laughing at, shit head? Huh? What's so goddamn funny? - I just-- - Shut up! You speak when spoken to.
You pussies better pray you don't get assigned to my firehouse because I have seen it all.
I knew 60 men who gave their lives at Ground Zero.
Sixty.
Four of them from my house.
Vito Costello.
Found him almost whole.
Ricky Davis.
Found him almost whole, hugging a civilian woman.
Bobby Vincent.
Found his head.
And my cousin Jimmy Keefe, my best friend.
You know what they found of him? What I was able to bring back, give to his parents? A finger.
That's all.
A finger.
These four men were better human beings and better firefighters than any of you will ever be.
Say thank you, firefighting upper class! Thank you, firefighting captain, sir! Hey, cuz.
That was nice.
It was.
It was real nice what you said about me back there.
It was nice.
I-I liked the sentiment.
Those probies wouldn't think you were such a tough guy if they knew you were talking to a dead guy, but Nothing to say? You're not talking to me.
Okay.
So, what do you wanna do? You wanna go home? You wanna go to the cemetery, look at my headstone again? You know what, Jimmy? Asshole.
GUTS Hey, Tommy.
Hey.
You know, we get our new probie today.
You know what that means.
Time to bust some balls, baby.
We should do the first gag-- Gavin, you owe the city a tour, and if you don't make it up, I'm gonna suspend your mutuals for 30 days.
I'll take care of it, Chief.
Some time this year would be nice.
Hey, Garrity, there's a box next to my desk.
Bring it out to the car.
A box? I don't have time to explain what a box is, retard.
Just do it.
The Grinch rides again.
I heard that.
It wasn't me.
Asshole.
Prick.
If the city sends one of those shrinks over here, I'm gonna tell them Chief Perolli touched me in the shower.
That'll fix the bastard.
What are you talking about, shrinks? Yeah, my buddy Victor over at Engine 2.
Said the city sent a shrink to talk to the guys.
- Christ.
That's helpful.
- It's a joke.
Know what I'm gonna do? They send a shrink here, I'm gonna kick his ass.
Yeah, that'll raise a red flag at headquarters.
Yeah.
Hey, bro, um my soon-to-be ex has a date tonight, so I need someone to switch.
Oh, I can't help you, bro.
I got a thing tonight, and it better turn out better than the thing last night.
Remember that chick with the friend? - Was that last night? - Goddamn disgraceful.
The chick, I don't remember her name, she never shows, so it's me and the friend.
Friend has a face like my ass, only my ass ain't as hairy.
She had a hairy face? Well, not obviously hairy, but when she turned her head, you could see I don't know, it was like sideburns.
- Very faint.
- Sideburns? Chick sideburns.
That's not a box.
Shit.
So I buy her dinner, a ton of drinks.
It's getting late, so I make my move.
Get this, she shuns me.
- She shuns you? - Blows me off.
Leaves in a huff.
Do you believe this shit? What I can't believe is you making a move on a chick with sideburns.
Hey, Tommy, it's getting slow out there, pal.
All that pussy I was getting after 9/11, now nothing.
People forget.
Yeah.
Sad commentary.
Hey.
What's the plan, man? - Hey.
- You catch that Giant game? Oh, Jesus, no.
I heard, though.
Got the ball on the four-yard line, and they couldn't put it across.
Unbelievable.
Four yards, and I cash huge.
You know what I'm gonna do - to those guys? - What? - Those steroid-infected pricks? - What? I'm gonna find out where they live, and I'm gonna set their houses on fire.
And then when they ask me to put it out, I'm gonna say, "I'm sorry, guys, but I only brought four yards of goddamn hose.
" They're killing me.
Hey, uh, Chief Perolli said that we-- You tell Chief Perolli to kiss my fat, white Irish ass.
Anything he tells you to do, do the exact opposite, and use my name.
I figured.
Hey, Janet's got a date tonight, so I need somebody to, uh-- Yeah, yeah, I heard.
Tough, Tommy, huh? Yes.
Look, what're the odds of you guys actually you know, breaking up? There's a pool on my divorce? No.
Yeah.
Look, I'll give you the tour off.
Give me the odds.
I'd say 60-40 divorce right now.
Yeah! I-I'm sorry, Tom.
Uh thanks, brother.
Goddamn it.
Jesus, what are you sneaking around like that for? Tommy, it's Lou.
I just saw him.
He's in the kitchen, and he's-- He's crying.
- What? - I swear to God on my mother's grave.
Your mother's still alive, Sean.
Well, no, I meant, you know, when she dies.
God forbid.
Knock on wood.
Shit.
Uh, all right, my father's grave.
How's that? Your dad's dead? Yeah, oh, yeah, years ago.
Ass cancer.
Ass cancer? Yeah, you know, postrate.
Yeah.
Sorry, bro.
- Hey, you all right? - Yeah.
What's going on? Nothing.
- What happened? - Nothing.
It's the onions.
I'm helping the probie make his first meal.
Jesus Christ, this is what they send us? - What's your name? - Mike? You asking me or telling me? It's Mike.
There's too many Mikes around here.
Polish Mike, Irish Mike.
Mike the Mick.
Big Mike, little Mike.
- Hey, are you Jewish? - No, why? Then you could be "Mike the Kike.
" - I'm Italian.
- Forget it.
There's already a Guinea Mike over at Ladder 12.
Not to mention Mike the Wop over on the Upper East Side.
You know what? Screw it.
- "New Mike.
" - "New Mike" it is.
What if I'm here for, like, 10 years? I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
Don't worry about it.
Hey, New Mike, get me a coffee.
"Liza Minnelli, Donald Trump, Geraldo Rivera.
" What's this? Oh, Billy over here went in for his first-time-ever full physical.
Cameras up the ass, the whole nine yards.
The results come back tomorrow.
He says, if they find some kind of inoperable cancer, he's gonna kill everyone on that list.
In this order? Come on.
Liza has to go first, Bill? Hasn't she suffered enough? You know, that ass camera is really important.
My dad, he wouldn't let them put one up his ass, and now he's dead.
Hey, was it, uh? I don't know, uncomfortable? I mean the camera? It wasn't really the camera I minded.
No? It was the crew.
Hey, probie, bring your hepatitis kit back? Hepatitis kit? Oh, yeah, that's right.
After your class left the academy, there was an outbreak of hepatitis B, so you gotta leave a urine and a stool sample on Chief Perolli's desk before the end of the week.
You don't know the Grinch.
He's 200% by the book.
So it's imperative you get this done.
Nobody told me.
So, what, you don't have a kit? - No.
- Tommy, he don't even have a kit.
How does he not have a kit? What should I do? We're gonna have to get you a kit.
No cream, no sugar? Engine.
Automated system, and they had to make it a woman's voice.
- Ladder.
- Politically correct bullshit.
- Battalion.
- Move, asshole.
Move.
That voice is the closest I'm ever gonna come to working with a broad.
Move it! Goddamn.
Major piece of ass candy on the northeast corner.
Possible Bo Derek on the northeast corner.
That's more like Heidi Klum.
Who the hell is Heidi Klum? Hey, man, it smells like shit in there, bro.
Thanks, pal.
Now, just stand back.
Tommy, take the probie and Sean and go up Stairway A.
Yeah.
Lou, you and Franco take B, all right? That's awful.
Jesus, what is that? It's piss.
It's a river of piss.
Jesus.
So, there's no fire? We can start one if you want.
Guess we got to go up, huh? Yeah.
Let's shoot the rapids.
Shit.
Tom shall we? Yeah, yeah.
Look at us.
America's heroes.
Since when are we in the piss business? You know what? If there was white folks up there, y'all would have been here in 3 seconds flat.
Modern technology hasn't gotten to the point where anybody can get anywhere in three seconds flat.
Wait.
Don't talk to me about technology, man.
I know about technology.
It's because you don't want to give the technology to the black man.
If it was some other people-- You're absolutely right.
You know I'm right.
Right on.
Go ahead.
It's a black thing.
What do you got? You're not gonna believe this one.
Why don't you just try me? I got 15 or 20 large jars of piss someone dumped down the stairs.
Are we talking about human piss? Hey, kid.
Taste that piss and tell me if it's human.
Sometime today would be nice.
So you admit to pouring the urine down the stairway.
You bet your ass.
Where the hell did you get of urine from, sir? I mean, I don't shop in this neighborhood, but-- It's all mine.
Seven or eight months ago, they told me I had to move, because I was acting all crazy and shit.
I'm doing this, I'm doing that.
So I decided, "I'll show them.
I'm gonna piss in the jars for 24 weeks.
" How's that for crazy? Mm, that's up there.
That's way up there.
Enjoy the ride, now.
- You hear about Lou? - What? You know how he went on that trip to Aspen a couple weeks ago? Talking about the widow thing? Yeah, yeah.
So there's this doctor there, right? Like a therapist for the widows.
Yeah.
So I guess Lou ends up talking to the doc a couple of times, over beers at first.
The doc tells him to try writing poetry to get his feelings out, so now he's writing poetry.
Bullshit.
No, one of the wives told Marty Lynch over at 35 Truck.
She saw some of it, the poetry.
Bullshit.
I'm telling you.
What's he writing about? I don't know.
His feelings about 9/11, I guess.
What are you guys doing? Nothing.
Oh, well, you got that down to a goddamn science.
Get your greasy Puerto Rican ass over to the other side and help the chief.
- Garrity! - Yeah? Get your thick Mick fingers over to that engine.
Help them take in the line.
Don't put that there! Come on, Garrity.
Jesus Christ.
I'll take care of it.
Get out.
Deputy mayor quoted in the paper today as saying we don't deserve a raise because we spend 95% of our time sleeping and the other 5% fighting fires.
Goddamn Jewbag.
Christ.
I mean, any moron can see we spend at least 2% of our time cleaning up piss.
Hey, how you doing? I'm fine.
Yeah? Yeah.
You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Why are you asking? Just asking.
Then why you busting my balls? I'm not busting your balls.
Just asking how you're doing.
You said you were doing fine.
I am fine.
Fine.
Good.
Jesus.
Fine.
Good.
Can we clean this shit up, please, and let's get out of here? Mister thank you for saving my kitty.
Honey I'm home.
I told you, you have to knock now, and then wait for me to answer the door.
Look, what difference does it make? And you said 5:00.
I said, "5:00 or so.
" There was no "or so.
" There was definitely an "or so.
" I should know.
I said it.
Even if there was an "or so," which there wasn't, to most people I know, "or so" means All right, look, I'm not gonna stand here and argue the semantics of "or so" with you, okay? - I'm just-- - Kids! Your mom's better.
Yeah.
I talked to my brother Johnny-- Jesus Christ, what the--? Just don't spit that out.
Katy made them for you and the guys, and there she is! Hey! Hi, Daddy! Special K! You You make the best cookies in the world, - do you know that? - I can make more.
No.
No, we don't have time for that, honey.
Go get your books and stuff, okay? We got to go.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Ugh.
God.
Sorry.
Tom, I need money.
What, for tonight? 'Cause-- No, in general.
Oh.
Well, I'm doing a porch this weekend with Lou and Franco.
And next weekend, the good chief's hiring all of us to do his, um Whatever.
Kids, now! You know, it's really annoying, that "whatever" thing.
You know? - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
It's dismissive, you know? I'm working three jobs.
I'm working my ass off-- Yeah, I have three jobs, too.
Hey, Dad! And here they come.
Hey! High-five! Yeah! Come here, baby.
All set? Let's go.
Don't forget the cookies.
Right.
The cookies, sweetheart.
- Okay.
- I'll take them.
Connor, cookie patrol.
Oh, and, Connor, you have a page of spelling homework you have to finish.
Okay.
And Colleen has lost her phone privileges for tonight.
I thought that was just here! I can't use the phone at Dad's either? No.
Maybe next time you'll think.
What happened? She snuck a boy in her room.
What? What boy? The oldest Murphy from down the block, the one with the pierced eyebrow.
- We were studying.
- Whatever.
Don't make that face at your mother.
Where did you get those pants? Those pants are too low.
Hello.
Kids? Come here.
I'm watching TV.
I don't care.
Come here.
All right, we're gonna play a little game, okay? Because Daddy needs to know some information about Mommy's new boyfriend.
All right? But Mom doesn't want us to talk about that when we're here.
I understand, sweetheart.
That's why we have the money.
See, let me show you how it works, okay? Does anybody know anything about the idea of moving to California? Okay.
That'll be the $50 question.
Let's start with an easy one.
Let's go with a fiver, okay? Does anybody know the new boyfriend's name? Roger.
There you go.
Uh-huh.
See how easy that is? Now, where does Roger live? We honestly don't know.
Somewhere around here.
Okay.
What does Roger do for a living? He works for a finance thing.
Like, a group.
Or a financial group.
Very nice.
Double down.
Now, does anybody know anything about the idea of moving to California? Colleen.
Roger's getting transferred there next month, and Mom's been talking to us about how great it is there.
Sun, surf.
She said we could go to Disneyland! Nice.
All right? Everybody wins.
Get back, get back, get back.
What, he don't have to knock? I think he has a key.
He has a key to my house? This is your house.
They're both my houses, okay? Okay, kids, bedtime.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! who goes to bed right now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Daddy.
Shit.
Goddamn it.
Goddamn thief.
Oh! Shit.
Shit.
Dad? What are you doing here? I was thirsty.
Shh! There's water in the house.
It's in the kitchen, the bathroom, it's all over the place.
I couldn't find you.
I thought maybe you came to see Mom.
Why--? Why would I come to see Mom, huh? - Shh! - Shh! - Shh! - Shh! - Oh, shit.
- Hey.
What are you doing? He, uh-- He came-- He wanted some Star Wars thing.
I told him not to come over here, and he came over anyways.
Which Star Wars thing, Connor? I don't know.
He doesn't even remember.
Sorry.
Come on.
Good night, honey.
Good night, sweetheart.
I was talking to Connor.
Wow.
What? He's a good-looking guy.
Blow me, okay? Keep moving, asshole.
Hey, he's no asshole.
What do you mean? Because the sooner she falls in love with him, the sooner you guys get divorced, and the sooner you're off the hook, financially speaking.
Goddamn it! It had to be my beer-opening finger.
What are you doing? What's with the whiskey? I'm having a drink.
But what about AA? I mean, you were sober for, what, a year? Fourteen months, to be exact.
Cheers.
No, come on, what are you doing? Don't do this.
Come on.
Ahh.
The way I figure it You're dead, right? So this conversation probably isn't happening, which means that this probably isn't happening, so stick around a while, pal.
But no, you really want to do that? Hey, who deserves a drink more than me, sitting here, having to watch that guy do whatever with my wife? She's your ex-wife.
Hey, hey, hey.
Not yet, okay? - Not yet.
- But you're-- It's happening, right? I mean, you're working on it.
The divorce.
It's just-- It's not official.
You're still in love with her.
No, I'm not.
You little girl.
What are you doing--? Hey, you're the asshole, not him.
Jimmy, look, I'm not in love with her, okay? I love her.
Of course, I will always love her, because she's the mother of my kids, okay? I have feelings for her that way, and I want her to fall in love with somebody else.
Yeah, of course I do, you know? But I want it to happen in a-- You know, in a normal amount of time.
Like three, four years, tops.
All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let's review.
Why are you two separated? According to her? Yeah.
You know, I She says I couldn't open up.
I wasn't emotionally available.
Blah, blah, blah.
Are you? Oh, and you are? Hey, I got an excuse.
I'm dead.
Cheap shot.
Daddy? Who are you talking to? I'm talking to-- I was watching television, honey.
I need a drink of water.
Yeah, sure, honey, hang on.
I watched the guy steal my FDNY lighter from my own house.
What FDNY lighter? What are you talking about? You know, the one my cousin Jimmy gave me.
You know, when I quit smoking.
Because I don't take medals.
Way to move the ball! Look, forget the lighter.
What you need to worry about is your balls.
You see that kid? See the arm on that kid? Ten more yards, baby.
Give me 10 more yards.
What are you talking about? Look, when you and Janet had split, you went around telling me and all the guys how great it was gonna be to be single again: booze, broads and blow jobs, blah, blah, blah.
Now look at you, sitting across the street, spying on your ex-wife.
What're you talking about? It's been booze, broads and blow jobs.
What about that blonde at the club? That blonde was hanging all over you.
She was gonna clear the floor and do you right there.
You bet your ass she was.
So? So what? We have sex with women who ain't our wives, we make every detail available to the other guys.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm a gentleman.
Yeah, maybe I'm growing tits.
Hey, check a mirror, pal.
Well? I scored.
You banged her? Oh, yeah.
Three times.
Viagra? Nope.
Au naturel, pal.
Look, you're great.
It's just that I'm-- I'm in a kind of a transitional type of situation type of thing.
And a lot of guys, you know, they get separated from their wives, they start banging every major piece of ass-- Not that you're Not that you're not a, you know-- You're-- You're a major-- You're a-- You're the whole package.
I'm just, uh I'm conflicted, I guess, is what I am.
I'm a little Do you understand what I'm saying? Whatever.
So how was she? Scale of 10? Twenty-five.
No, no, no, Tommy.
Details, many details.
Engine.
Not your night, pal.
Ladder.
Oh, lick me blind! Battalion.
A computerized broad is running my life.
I got 200 bucks on this game.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Bobby? Bob! Tommy! What? Over here.
Where? Down here, man, down here! Bob? Where's Jimmy, man? What happened? Shit.
Tommy, I can't feel my legs.
Battalion 1-5.
1-5 out.
We're transmitting 10-75.
Franco, help the chauffeur and the OBM ladder the building.
We got smoke pushing out a fifth floor window.
You guys all right? You got everything under control? - Yeah.
- All right.
Probie's gonna get his cherry popped tonight.
Hey, probie, you ready to be a hero, baby? All right.
Come on, asshole.
Be a man.
Right now.
What are you looking at? Nothing.
Hey, what's going on over here? Fire hydrant's out of service.
Yeah, it's spinning, but it's got no ring.
There's a standpipe in the northeast corner of 1445, in the basement, just past the boiler room.
There's another one at 1448.
First floor, right underneath the "no loitering" sign.
Come on, we need water.
Who is that guy? Rain man.
Let's get going.
All the way up.
Come on, get up that building.
This is 1-5 to 99.
As soon as you got that line, charge it.
You're gonna have to give me the booster water first.
- What? - She said 4B! It should be the other end of the hall! I had a call here once.
False alarm.
Small kitchen in the front, living room, bedroom in the back.
All right.
Hey, kid.
Take this.
Give me the Halligan.
What? Give me the halogen! Here, here.
Sorry.
Hey, Tommy, where are you? Hey! Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name Hey! Hey! Come here.
I told you to stay close, asshole.
Come on.
Pull my arm.
What? Pull my arm.
Go! Move! Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Tommy, where are you? Coming out.
I got two 10-45s, one unconscious.
Hey.
The bitch is in 4-B.
The living room.
Holy shit, that was amazing.
Let's go, come on.
We're not done.
There's a family of 10 up in 5A.
- You want us up there? - Yeah, more the merrier.
Lou says he heard noises coming from 6F.
He thinks someone's still in there.
Come on.
Go, go, go, go.
Got one CSI coming up for you! Open up! Fire department! Hello? Fire department! Hey, Billy, you see an ashtray around? I'm looking for one myself.
How we doing, boys? Place is empty, Chief.
- Primary search negative.
- Great.
Start the secondary floor-by-floor, all right, Billy? Battalion 1-5 to 1-5 Alpha.
Primary search is already completed.
Secondary in progress.
What channel's that game on? Whoa, ho, ho.
Take it easy, man.
Take it easy.
- Here.
- What? It's all I could find.
You want to flip him? He's a junkie, not an omelet.
Welcome to 62 Truck.
Grab the other end.
Imagine how much he must have weighed before he developed the coke habit.
Come on.
Aw, J--! The Browns are down by 12 points.
Jesus.
Hey, chief, the fire's under control.
Chief? Hey, chief? Okay.
Aw, come on! You call that a pass? Maybe we want to do this someplace else? I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
I'm just saying-- Hey, where's Tommy? I think he's taking a piss.
Where's the chief? I didn't see him come out.
Then where the hell is he? And finally, it takes about the whole Jesus Christ, these guys are playing like they know my bookie.
I'm losing on everything here.
The over, first downs, interceptions, sacks.
They're killing me! You bet on all that stuff? That's some serious gambling.
Hey, pal, I'm a New York City fireman.
My whole life's a goddamn gamble.
Here we are.
Thanks.
Ah, it's bad enough for a kid to know that he lost his dog in a fire.
No need for him to see it.
Hmm? Hold on a second.
I think I dipped his paw in there.
You might as well throw that out too.
So, uh, Garrity, I was thinking, that chick on the third floor, - the single mother? - Yeah? I might offer her my bed.
She needs a place to stay.
Oh, yeah? Single mother? - Yeah.
- How do you know that? Help! Holy shit.
Hey, I thought you said the building was cleared, Bill.
It is.
Everyone's accounted for.
Oh, no! Wait, wait! Come to my tea party.
Damn it, Tommy! Son of a bitch.
Howdy, cuz.
Jesus.
Gimme a little warning, huh? You really think you fooled the guys down there with that? You couldn't even come inside this building without taking a couple hits off your flask.
Hey! Need a hand in here? No.
No, no.
- Oh.
- Jesus.
Take it easy.
Easy.
Hey, uh, you know, with my family history and all, I'm thinking about having a doctor put a camera up my-- My colon.
Sean, you're 28 years old.
Yeah, I know, but it's driving me crazy.
What is? Wondering what's going on inside my ass.
Hey, forget about your ass, all right? Have them stick a camera in one of your ears and find out what kind of brain damage we're dealing with.
Thanks, Franco.
That's sweet.
Sean, I'm just saying.
Hey, probie.
You know, there's an old saying in the FDNY: If you ain't scared, you're crazy.
You got some puke on your chin.
Thanks.
Hey.
Here's your hepatitis kit, okay? Piss in the cup, shit in the bag, put them on the chief's desk.
Really? No, it's a joke.
What are you doing? What? Oh, nothing.
I was just thinking about my ass, you know? Cancer-wise.
Surrounded by fags.
The lioness may provide meat for all.
Both may scavenge each other's kills.
The hyenas wait patiently in the darkness of the brush.
Got 50 on the lion.
Hyenas to match.
What, are we betting on the food chain now? - Yeah.
You want in? - Yeah, I'll go with the lion.
What about you, Garrity? - No, no, I'm gonna wait.
- Wait for what? I don't know.
Maybe a tiger will show up.
Hi.
Uh, is there a Chief Reilly here? Who's asking? Uh, I'm Dr.
Goldberg.
I was-- Oh, oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, sure.
Come in, doc.
Hi.
Uh, guys, this is Dr.
Goldberg.
She's a shrink.
Actually, I'm a psychotherapist.
Yeah.
Well, Chief Perolli has a friend down at headquarters who thought it'd be a good idea for these doctors to stop by the firehouse for a couple hours at a clip so we could get our feelings off our chests.
Um, may I? We're finding that the effects of 9/11 are still being felt, especially among members of the police and fire depart-- Jesus, look at the lion! Unbelievable.
I'm losing everything to mother nature here.
Rats.
So I'm, uh, here to help, if anyone would like to talk.
But, uh, we don't have to talk to you if we don't want to, right? No, you don't, but I had a 20 there, chief.
Thanks.
Look, doc Oh, you don't need to explain.
I was at another firehouse last night.
The reaction was quite similar.
Yeah, the guys are not, uh They're not gonna talk to a psychotherapist, you know, in the firehouse-- especially a female one.
What about the female firefighters? We don't have any female firefighters in this house.
Are you threatened by women? No.
You don't seem to think that a woman can be a firefighter.
I'll tell you what.
It's not about being a man or a woman, okay? It's about doing the job.
It's about me getting home safe and sound in the morning to see my kids, okay? So if you got a woman who can do the job better than the guys in my crew, bring her on, you know? You got a Martian or a cyborg or a Chinaman that can do the job, bring them on too.
Are there any Chinese firefighters? Yeah, probably.
Somewhere in China.
I'm sensing a lot of hostility.
You are very, very perceptive.
That's what they tell me.
Mm-hmm.
You want us to talk about our feelings? Yes, I do.
Forget 9/11, all right? Five years ago.
Black kid.
Ten years old.
Pulled him out of a closet.
Hot fire all around.
He's burnt, he's scared, and he's slippin' and slidin' around in my arms like a-- Like a goddamn baby seal.
And I almost got him outside.
And his skin-- He's wearing nothing but underwear.
And his skin comes off like wrapping paper off of a Christmas present.
He slips right out of my arms, he falls on the floor.
Pick him up, get him outside.
A few months later, he dies in the burn center.
Three years ago, a project fire, six stories up.
One-bedroom apartment.
Fifteen people living in it.
And I-- I find a little girl.
She's hurt pretty bad, holding a kitten.
I bring her down, six stories.
Six goddamn stories, I'm switching my mask off with her and the kitten.
And her and the kitten and me.
Her and the kitten and me.
She's crying up to me the whole time, saying, "Please, Mr.
Fireman.
Please save my kitten.
Please don't let anything happen to my kitten, Mr.
Fireman.
" And I'm biting my tongue, 'cause I hate cats.
I think they suck.
I come from a dog family.
Anyways, long story short the cat lived she didn't.
we lost four guys from this house.
One of 'em was my cousin Jimmy.
My best friend Best goddamn fireman I ever worked with, good family man.
Dedicated American, blah, blah, blah, you know? And every day, I gotta drive to work.
I drive through my neighborhood.
I see guys, drunken assholes that I went to high school with, who stand on the corner, high, having a great time, and I gotta wonder why these assholes are still walking around when Jimmy Keefe ain't.
My cousin, the priest, says it's because it's all part of God's plan, like God's got a plan.
You know what? If there is a God he's got a whole shitload of explaining to do.
Hey, Billy, there's a Dr.
Phelan on the phone? Hello.
Yeah.
- Whoops! - No, sir, no.
These men have worked much too much overtime as it is.
Don't you worry.
No.
I'll be able to get 'em to do it on straight time.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Sure.
Thank you very much.
Goodbye.
Jesus Christ.
Agh! Oh, God! Silletti!
You wanna know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together.
I've been in the middle of shit that would make you piss your pants right now.
Uptown, Downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn.
But there ain't no medals on my chest, assholes, because I ain't no hero.
I'm a fireman.
We're not in the business of making heroes here.
We're in the business of discovering cowards, because that's what you are if you can't take the heat.
You're a pussy, and there ain't no room for pussies in the FDNY.
What are you laughing at, shit head? Huh? What's so goddamn funny? - I just-- - Shut up! You speak when spoken to.
You pussies better pray you don't get assigned to my firehouse because I have seen it all.
I knew 60 men who gave their lives at Ground Zero.
Sixty.
Four of them from my house.
Vito Costello.
Found him almost whole.
Ricky Davis.
Found him almost whole, hugging a civilian woman.
Bobby Vincent.
Found his head.
And my cousin Jimmy Keefe, my best friend.
You know what they found of him? What I was able to bring back, give to his parents? A finger.
That's all.
A finger.
These four men were better human beings and better firefighters than any of you will ever be.
Say thank you, firefighting upper class! Thank you, firefighting captain, sir! Hey, cuz.
That was nice.
It was.
It was real nice what you said about me back there.
It was nice.
I-I liked the sentiment.
Those probies wouldn't think you were such a tough guy if they knew you were talking to a dead guy, but Nothing to say? You're not talking to me.
Okay.
So, what do you wanna do? You wanna go home? You wanna go to the cemetery, look at my headstone again? You know what, Jimmy? Asshole.
GUTS Hey, Tommy.
Hey.
You know, we get our new probie today.
You know what that means.
Time to bust some balls, baby.
We should do the first gag-- Gavin, you owe the city a tour, and if you don't make it up, I'm gonna suspend your mutuals for 30 days.
I'll take care of it, Chief.
Some time this year would be nice.
Hey, Garrity, there's a box next to my desk.
Bring it out to the car.
A box? I don't have time to explain what a box is, retard.
Just do it.
The Grinch rides again.
I heard that.
It wasn't me.
Asshole.
Prick.
If the city sends one of those shrinks over here, I'm gonna tell them Chief Perolli touched me in the shower.
That'll fix the bastard.
What are you talking about, shrinks? Yeah, my buddy Victor over at Engine 2.
Said the city sent a shrink to talk to the guys.
- Christ.
That's helpful.
- It's a joke.
Know what I'm gonna do? They send a shrink here, I'm gonna kick his ass.
Yeah, that'll raise a red flag at headquarters.
Yeah.
Hey, bro, um my soon-to-be ex has a date tonight, so I need someone to switch.
Oh, I can't help you, bro.
I got a thing tonight, and it better turn out better than the thing last night.
Remember that chick with the friend? - Was that last night? - Goddamn disgraceful.
The chick, I don't remember her name, she never shows, so it's me and the friend.
Friend has a face like my ass, only my ass ain't as hairy.
She had a hairy face? Well, not obviously hairy, but when she turned her head, you could see I don't know, it was like sideburns.
- Very faint.
- Sideburns? Chick sideburns.
That's not a box.
Shit.
So I buy her dinner, a ton of drinks.
It's getting late, so I make my move.
Get this, she shuns me.
- She shuns you? - Blows me off.
Leaves in a huff.
Do you believe this shit? What I can't believe is you making a move on a chick with sideburns.
Hey, Tommy, it's getting slow out there, pal.
All that pussy I was getting after 9/11, now nothing.
People forget.
Yeah.
Sad commentary.
Hey.
What's the plan, man? - Hey.
- You catch that Giant game? Oh, Jesus, no.
I heard, though.
Got the ball on the four-yard line, and they couldn't put it across.
Unbelievable.
Four yards, and I cash huge.
You know what I'm gonna do - to those guys? - What? - Those steroid-infected pricks? - What? I'm gonna find out where they live, and I'm gonna set their houses on fire.
And then when they ask me to put it out, I'm gonna say, "I'm sorry, guys, but I only brought four yards of goddamn hose.
" They're killing me.
Hey, uh, Chief Perolli said that we-- You tell Chief Perolli to kiss my fat, white Irish ass.
Anything he tells you to do, do the exact opposite, and use my name.
I figured.
Hey, Janet's got a date tonight, so I need somebody to, uh-- Yeah, yeah, I heard.
Tough, Tommy, huh? Yes.
Look, what're the odds of you guys actually you know, breaking up? There's a pool on my divorce? No.
Yeah.
Look, I'll give you the tour off.
Give me the odds.
I'd say 60-40 divorce right now.
Yeah! I-I'm sorry, Tom.
Uh thanks, brother.
Goddamn it.
Jesus, what are you sneaking around like that for? Tommy, it's Lou.
I just saw him.
He's in the kitchen, and he's-- He's crying.
- What? - I swear to God on my mother's grave.
Your mother's still alive, Sean.
Well, no, I meant, you know, when she dies.
God forbid.
Knock on wood.
Shit.
Uh, all right, my father's grave.
How's that? Your dad's dead? Yeah, oh, yeah, years ago.
Ass cancer.
Ass cancer? Yeah, you know, postrate.
Yeah.
Sorry, bro.
- Hey, you all right? - Yeah.
What's going on? Nothing.
- What happened? - Nothing.
It's the onions.
I'm helping the probie make his first meal.
Jesus Christ, this is what they send us? - What's your name? - Mike? You asking me or telling me? It's Mike.
There's too many Mikes around here.
Polish Mike, Irish Mike.
Mike the Mick.
Big Mike, little Mike.
- Hey, are you Jewish? - No, why? Then you could be "Mike the Kike.
" - I'm Italian.
- Forget it.
There's already a Guinea Mike over at Ladder 12.
Not to mention Mike the Wop over on the Upper East Side.
You know what? Screw it.
- "New Mike.
" - "New Mike" it is.
What if I'm here for, like, 10 years? I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
Don't worry about it.
Hey, New Mike, get me a coffee.
"Liza Minnelli, Donald Trump, Geraldo Rivera.
" What's this? Oh, Billy over here went in for his first-time-ever full physical.
Cameras up the ass, the whole nine yards.
The results come back tomorrow.
He says, if they find some kind of inoperable cancer, he's gonna kill everyone on that list.
In this order? Come on.
Liza has to go first, Bill? Hasn't she suffered enough? You know, that ass camera is really important.
My dad, he wouldn't let them put one up his ass, and now he's dead.
Hey, was it, uh? I don't know, uncomfortable? I mean the camera? It wasn't really the camera I minded.
No? It was the crew.
Hey, probie, bring your hepatitis kit back? Hepatitis kit? Oh, yeah, that's right.
After your class left the academy, there was an outbreak of hepatitis B, so you gotta leave a urine and a stool sample on Chief Perolli's desk before the end of the week.
You don't know the Grinch.
He's 200% by the book.
So it's imperative you get this done.
Nobody told me.
So, what, you don't have a kit? - No.
- Tommy, he don't even have a kit.
How does he not have a kit? What should I do? We're gonna have to get you a kit.
No cream, no sugar? Engine.
Automated system, and they had to make it a woman's voice.
- Ladder.
- Politically correct bullshit.
- Battalion.
- Move, asshole.
Move.
That voice is the closest I'm ever gonna come to working with a broad.
Move it! Goddamn.
Major piece of ass candy on the northeast corner.
Possible Bo Derek on the northeast corner.
That's more like Heidi Klum.
Who the hell is Heidi Klum? Hey, man, it smells like shit in there, bro.
Thanks, pal.
Now, just stand back.
Tommy, take the probie and Sean and go up Stairway A.
Yeah.
Lou, you and Franco take B, all right? That's awful.
Jesus, what is that? It's piss.
It's a river of piss.
Jesus.
So, there's no fire? We can start one if you want.
Guess we got to go up, huh? Yeah.
Let's shoot the rapids.
Shit.
Tom shall we? Yeah, yeah.
Look at us.
America's heroes.
Since when are we in the piss business? You know what? If there was white folks up there, y'all would have been here in 3 seconds flat.
Modern technology hasn't gotten to the point where anybody can get anywhere in three seconds flat.
Wait.
Don't talk to me about technology, man.
I know about technology.
It's because you don't want to give the technology to the black man.
If it was some other people-- You're absolutely right.
You know I'm right.
Right on.
Go ahead.
It's a black thing.
What do you got? You're not gonna believe this one.
Why don't you just try me? I got 15 or 20 large jars of piss someone dumped down the stairs.
Are we talking about human piss? Hey, kid.
Taste that piss and tell me if it's human.
Sometime today would be nice.
So you admit to pouring the urine down the stairway.
You bet your ass.
Where the hell did you get of urine from, sir? I mean, I don't shop in this neighborhood, but-- It's all mine.
Seven or eight months ago, they told me I had to move, because I was acting all crazy and shit.
I'm doing this, I'm doing that.
So I decided, "I'll show them.
I'm gonna piss in the jars for 24 weeks.
" How's that for crazy? Mm, that's up there.
That's way up there.
Enjoy the ride, now.
- You hear about Lou? - What? You know how he went on that trip to Aspen a couple weeks ago? Talking about the widow thing? Yeah, yeah.
So there's this doctor there, right? Like a therapist for the widows.
Yeah.
So I guess Lou ends up talking to the doc a couple of times, over beers at first.
The doc tells him to try writing poetry to get his feelings out, so now he's writing poetry.
Bullshit.
No, one of the wives told Marty Lynch over at 35 Truck.
She saw some of it, the poetry.
Bullshit.
I'm telling you.
What's he writing about? I don't know.
His feelings about 9/11, I guess.
What are you guys doing? Nothing.
Oh, well, you got that down to a goddamn science.
Get your greasy Puerto Rican ass over to the other side and help the chief.
- Garrity! - Yeah? Get your thick Mick fingers over to that engine.
Help them take in the line.
Don't put that there! Come on, Garrity.
Jesus Christ.
I'll take care of it.
Get out.
Deputy mayor quoted in the paper today as saying we don't deserve a raise because we spend 95% of our time sleeping and the other 5% fighting fires.
Goddamn Jewbag.
Christ.
I mean, any moron can see we spend at least 2% of our time cleaning up piss.
Hey, how you doing? I'm fine.
Yeah? Yeah.
You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Why are you asking? Just asking.
Then why you busting my balls? I'm not busting your balls.
Just asking how you're doing.
You said you were doing fine.
I am fine.
Fine.
Good.
Jesus.
Fine.
Good.
Can we clean this shit up, please, and let's get out of here? Mister thank you for saving my kitty.
Honey I'm home.
I told you, you have to knock now, and then wait for me to answer the door.
Look, what difference does it make? And you said 5:00.
I said, "5:00 or so.
" There was no "or so.
" There was definitely an "or so.
" I should know.
I said it.
Even if there was an "or so," which there wasn't, to most people I know, "or so" means All right, look, I'm not gonna stand here and argue the semantics of "or so" with you, okay? - I'm just-- - Kids! Your mom's better.
Yeah.
I talked to my brother Johnny-- Jesus Christ, what the--? Just don't spit that out.
Katy made them for you and the guys, and there she is! Hey! Hi, Daddy! Special K! You You make the best cookies in the world, - do you know that? - I can make more.
No.
No, we don't have time for that, honey.
Go get your books and stuff, okay? We got to go.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Ugh.
God.
Sorry.
Tom, I need money.
What, for tonight? 'Cause-- No, in general.
Oh.
Well, I'm doing a porch this weekend with Lou and Franco.
And next weekend, the good chief's hiring all of us to do his, um Whatever.
Kids, now! You know, it's really annoying, that "whatever" thing.
You know? - Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
It's dismissive, you know? I'm working three jobs.
I'm working my ass off-- Yeah, I have three jobs, too.
Hey, Dad! And here they come.
Hey! High-five! Yeah! Come here, baby.
All set? Let's go.
Don't forget the cookies.
Right.
The cookies, sweetheart.
- Okay.
- I'll take them.
Connor, cookie patrol.
Oh, and, Connor, you have a page of spelling homework you have to finish.
Okay.
And Colleen has lost her phone privileges for tonight.
I thought that was just here! I can't use the phone at Dad's either? No.
Maybe next time you'll think.
What happened? She snuck a boy in her room.
What? What boy? The oldest Murphy from down the block, the one with the pierced eyebrow.
- We were studying.
- Whatever.
Don't make that face at your mother.
Where did you get those pants? Those pants are too low.
Hello.
Kids? Come here.
I'm watching TV.
I don't care.
Come here.
All right, we're gonna play a little game, okay? Because Daddy needs to know some information about Mommy's new boyfriend.
All right? But Mom doesn't want us to talk about that when we're here.
I understand, sweetheart.
That's why we have the money.
See, let me show you how it works, okay? Does anybody know anything about the idea of moving to California? Okay.
That'll be the $50 question.
Let's start with an easy one.
Let's go with a fiver, okay? Does anybody know the new boyfriend's name? Roger.
There you go.
Uh-huh.
See how easy that is? Now, where does Roger live? We honestly don't know.
Somewhere around here.
Okay.
What does Roger do for a living? He works for a finance thing.
Like, a group.
Or a financial group.
Very nice.
Double down.
Now, does anybody know anything about the idea of moving to California? Colleen.
Roger's getting transferred there next month, and Mom's been talking to us about how great it is there.
Sun, surf.
She said we could go to Disneyland! Nice.
All right? Everybody wins.
Get back, get back, get back.
What, he don't have to knock? I think he has a key.
He has a key to my house? This is your house.
They're both my houses, okay? Okay, kids, bedtime.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! who goes to bed right now.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Daddy.
Shit.
Goddamn it.
Goddamn thief.
Oh! Shit.
Shit.
Dad? What are you doing here? I was thirsty.
Shh! There's water in the house.
It's in the kitchen, the bathroom, it's all over the place.
I couldn't find you.
I thought maybe you came to see Mom.
Why--? Why would I come to see Mom, huh? - Shh! - Shh! - Shh! - Shh! - Oh, shit.
- Hey.
What are you doing? He, uh-- He came-- He wanted some Star Wars thing.
I told him not to come over here, and he came over anyways.
Which Star Wars thing, Connor? I don't know.
He doesn't even remember.
Sorry.
Come on.
Good night, honey.
Good night, sweetheart.
I was talking to Connor.
Wow.
What? He's a good-looking guy.
Blow me, okay? Keep moving, asshole.
Hey, he's no asshole.
What do you mean? Because the sooner she falls in love with him, the sooner you guys get divorced, and the sooner you're off the hook, financially speaking.
Goddamn it! It had to be my beer-opening finger.
What are you doing? What's with the whiskey? I'm having a drink.
But what about AA? I mean, you were sober for, what, a year? Fourteen months, to be exact.
Cheers.
No, come on, what are you doing? Don't do this.
Come on.
Ahh.
The way I figure it You're dead, right? So this conversation probably isn't happening, which means that this probably isn't happening, so stick around a while, pal.
But no, you really want to do that? Hey, who deserves a drink more than me, sitting here, having to watch that guy do whatever with my wife? She's your ex-wife.
Hey, hey, hey.
Not yet, okay? - Not yet.
- But you're-- It's happening, right? I mean, you're working on it.
The divorce.
It's just-- It's not official.
You're still in love with her.
No, I'm not.
You little girl.
What are you doing--? Hey, you're the asshole, not him.
Jimmy, look, I'm not in love with her, okay? I love her.
Of course, I will always love her, because she's the mother of my kids, okay? I have feelings for her that way, and I want her to fall in love with somebody else.
Yeah, of course I do, you know? But I want it to happen in a-- You know, in a normal amount of time.
Like three, four years, tops.
All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Let's review.
Why are you two separated? According to her? Yeah.
You know, I She says I couldn't open up.
I wasn't emotionally available.
Blah, blah, blah.
Are you? Oh, and you are? Hey, I got an excuse.
I'm dead.
Cheap shot.
Daddy? Who are you talking to? I'm talking to-- I was watching television, honey.
I need a drink of water.
Yeah, sure, honey, hang on.
I watched the guy steal my FDNY lighter from my own house.
What FDNY lighter? What are you talking about? You know, the one my cousin Jimmy gave me.
You know, when I quit smoking.
Because I don't take medals.
Way to move the ball! Look, forget the lighter.
What you need to worry about is your balls.
You see that kid? See the arm on that kid? Ten more yards, baby.
Give me 10 more yards.
What are you talking about? Look, when you and Janet had split, you went around telling me and all the guys how great it was gonna be to be single again: booze, broads and blow jobs, blah, blah, blah.
Now look at you, sitting across the street, spying on your ex-wife.
What're you talking about? It's been booze, broads and blow jobs.
What about that blonde at the club? That blonde was hanging all over you.
She was gonna clear the floor and do you right there.
You bet your ass she was.
So? So what? We have sex with women who ain't our wives, we make every detail available to the other guys.
Yeah, well, maybe I'm a gentleman.
Yeah, maybe I'm growing tits.
Hey, check a mirror, pal.
Well? I scored.
You banged her? Oh, yeah.
Three times.
Viagra? Nope.
Au naturel, pal.
Look, you're great.
It's just that I'm-- I'm in a kind of a transitional type of situation type of thing.
And a lot of guys, you know, they get separated from their wives, they start banging every major piece of ass-- Not that you're Not that you're not a, you know-- You're-- You're a major-- You're a-- You're the whole package.
I'm just, uh I'm conflicted, I guess, is what I am.
I'm a little Do you understand what I'm saying? Whatever.
So how was she? Scale of 10? Twenty-five.
No, no, no, Tommy.
Details, many details.
Engine.
Not your night, pal.
Ladder.
Oh, lick me blind! Battalion.
A computerized broad is running my life.
I got 200 bucks on this game.
Come on, let's go.
Come on.
Bobby? Bob! Tommy! What? Over here.
Where? Down here, man, down here! Bob? Where's Jimmy, man? What happened? Shit.
Tommy, I can't feel my legs.
Battalion 1-5.
1-5 out.
We're transmitting 10-75.
Franco, help the chauffeur and the OBM ladder the building.
We got smoke pushing out a fifth floor window.
You guys all right? You got everything under control? - Yeah.
- All right.
Probie's gonna get his cherry popped tonight.
Hey, probie, you ready to be a hero, baby? All right.
Come on, asshole.
Be a man.
Right now.
What are you looking at? Nothing.
Hey, what's going on over here? Fire hydrant's out of service.
Yeah, it's spinning, but it's got no ring.
There's a standpipe in the northeast corner of 1445, in the basement, just past the boiler room.
There's another one at 1448.
First floor, right underneath the "no loitering" sign.
Come on, we need water.
Who is that guy? Rain man.
Let's get going.
All the way up.
Come on, get up that building.
This is 1-5 to 99.
As soon as you got that line, charge it.
You're gonna have to give me the booster water first.
- What? - She said 4B! It should be the other end of the hall! I had a call here once.
False alarm.
Small kitchen in the front, living room, bedroom in the back.
All right.
Hey, kid.
Take this.
Give me the Halligan.
What? Give me the halogen! Here, here.
Sorry.
Hey, Tommy, where are you? Hey! Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name Hey! Hey! Come here.
I told you to stay close, asshole.
Come on.
Pull my arm.
What? Pull my arm.
Go! Move! Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Tommy, where are you? Coming out.
I got two 10-45s, one unconscious.
Hey.
The bitch is in 4-B.
The living room.
Holy shit, that was amazing.
Let's go, come on.
We're not done.
There's a family of 10 up in 5A.
- You want us up there? - Yeah, more the merrier.
Lou says he heard noises coming from 6F.
He thinks someone's still in there.
Come on.
Go, go, go, go.
Got one CSI coming up for you! Open up! Fire department! Hello? Fire department! Hey, Billy, you see an ashtray around? I'm looking for one myself.
How we doing, boys? Place is empty, Chief.
- Primary search negative.
- Great.
Start the secondary floor-by-floor, all right, Billy? Battalion 1-5 to 1-5 Alpha.
Primary search is already completed.
Secondary in progress.
What channel's that game on? Whoa, ho, ho.
Take it easy, man.
Take it easy.
- Here.
- What? It's all I could find.
You want to flip him? He's a junkie, not an omelet.
Welcome to 62 Truck.
Grab the other end.
Imagine how much he must have weighed before he developed the coke habit.
Come on.
Aw, J--! The Browns are down by 12 points.
Jesus.
Hey, chief, the fire's under control.
Chief? Hey, chief? Okay.
Aw, come on! You call that a pass? Maybe we want to do this someplace else? I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry.
I'm just saying-- Hey, where's Tommy? I think he's taking a piss.
Where's the chief? I didn't see him come out.
Then where the hell is he? And finally, it takes about the whole Jesus Christ, these guys are playing like they know my bookie.
I'm losing on everything here.
The over, first downs, interceptions, sacks.
They're killing me! You bet on all that stuff? That's some serious gambling.
Hey, pal, I'm a New York City fireman.
My whole life's a goddamn gamble.
Here we are.
Thanks.
Ah, it's bad enough for a kid to know that he lost his dog in a fire.
No need for him to see it.
Hmm? Hold on a second.
I think I dipped his paw in there.
You might as well throw that out too.
So, uh, Garrity, I was thinking, that chick on the third floor, - the single mother? - Yeah? I might offer her my bed.
She needs a place to stay.
Oh, yeah? Single mother? - Yeah.
- How do you know that? Help! Holy shit.
Hey, I thought you said the building was cleared, Bill.
It is.
Everyone's accounted for.
Oh, no! Wait, wait! Come to my tea party.
Damn it, Tommy! Son of a bitch.
Howdy, cuz.
Jesus.
Gimme a little warning, huh? You really think you fooled the guys down there with that? You couldn't even come inside this building without taking a couple hits off your flask.
Hey! Need a hand in here? No.
No, no.
- Oh.
- Jesus.
Take it easy.
Easy.
Hey, uh, you know, with my family history and all, I'm thinking about having a doctor put a camera up my-- My colon.
Sean, you're 28 years old.
Yeah, I know, but it's driving me crazy.
What is? Wondering what's going on inside my ass.
Hey, forget about your ass, all right? Have them stick a camera in one of your ears and find out what kind of brain damage we're dealing with.
Thanks, Franco.
That's sweet.
Sean, I'm just saying.
Hey, probie.
You know, there's an old saying in the FDNY: If you ain't scared, you're crazy.
You got some puke on your chin.
Thanks.
Hey.
Here's your hepatitis kit, okay? Piss in the cup, shit in the bag, put them on the chief's desk.
Really? No, it's a joke.
What are you doing? What? Oh, nothing.
I was just thinking about my ass, you know? Cancer-wise.
Surrounded by fags.
The lioness may provide meat for all.
Both may scavenge each other's kills.
The hyenas wait patiently in the darkness of the brush.
Got 50 on the lion.
Hyenas to match.
What, are we betting on the food chain now? - Yeah.
You want in? - Yeah, I'll go with the lion.
What about you, Garrity? - No, no, I'm gonna wait.
- Wait for what? I don't know.
Maybe a tiger will show up.
Hi.
Uh, is there a Chief Reilly here? Who's asking? Uh, I'm Dr.
Goldberg.
I was-- Oh, oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, sure.
Come in, doc.
Hi.
Uh, guys, this is Dr.
Goldberg.
She's a shrink.
Actually, I'm a psychotherapist.
Yeah.
Well, Chief Perolli has a friend down at headquarters who thought it'd be a good idea for these doctors to stop by the firehouse for a couple hours at a clip so we could get our feelings off our chests.
Um, may I? We're finding that the effects of 9/11 are still being felt, especially among members of the police and fire depart-- Jesus, look at the lion! Unbelievable.
I'm losing everything to mother nature here.
Rats.
So I'm, uh, here to help, if anyone would like to talk.
But, uh, we don't have to talk to you if we don't want to, right? No, you don't, but I had a 20 there, chief.
Thanks.
Look, doc Oh, you don't need to explain.
I was at another firehouse last night.
The reaction was quite similar.
Yeah, the guys are not, uh They're not gonna talk to a psychotherapist, you know, in the firehouse-- especially a female one.
What about the female firefighters? We don't have any female firefighters in this house.
Are you threatened by women? No.
You don't seem to think that a woman can be a firefighter.
I'll tell you what.
It's not about being a man or a woman, okay? It's about doing the job.
It's about me getting home safe and sound in the morning to see my kids, okay? So if you got a woman who can do the job better than the guys in my crew, bring her on, you know? You got a Martian or a cyborg or a Chinaman that can do the job, bring them on too.
Are there any Chinese firefighters? Yeah, probably.
Somewhere in China.
I'm sensing a lot of hostility.
You are very, very perceptive.
That's what they tell me.
Mm-hmm.
You want us to talk about our feelings? Yes, I do.
Forget 9/11, all right? Five years ago.
Black kid.
Ten years old.
Pulled him out of a closet.
Hot fire all around.
He's burnt, he's scared, and he's slippin' and slidin' around in my arms like a-- Like a goddamn baby seal.
And I almost got him outside.
And his skin-- He's wearing nothing but underwear.
And his skin comes off like wrapping paper off of a Christmas present.
He slips right out of my arms, he falls on the floor.
Pick him up, get him outside.
A few months later, he dies in the burn center.
Three years ago, a project fire, six stories up.
One-bedroom apartment.
Fifteen people living in it.
And I-- I find a little girl.
She's hurt pretty bad, holding a kitten.
I bring her down, six stories.
Six goddamn stories, I'm switching my mask off with her and the kitten.
And her and the kitten and me.
Her and the kitten and me.
She's crying up to me the whole time, saying, "Please, Mr.
Fireman.
Please save my kitten.
Please don't let anything happen to my kitten, Mr.
Fireman.
" And I'm biting my tongue, 'cause I hate cats.
I think they suck.
I come from a dog family.
Anyways, long story short the cat lived she didn't.
we lost four guys from this house.
One of 'em was my cousin Jimmy.
My best friend Best goddamn fireman I ever worked with, good family man.
Dedicated American, blah, blah, blah, you know? And every day, I gotta drive to work.
I drive through my neighborhood.
I see guys, drunken assholes that I went to high school with, who stand on the corner, high, having a great time, and I gotta wonder why these assholes are still walking around when Jimmy Keefe ain't.
My cousin, the priest, says it's because it's all part of God's plan, like God's got a plan.
You know what? If there is a God he's got a whole shitload of explaining to do.
Hey, Billy, there's a Dr.
Phelan on the phone? Hello.
Yeah.
- Whoops! - No, sir, no.
These men have worked much too much overtime as it is.
Don't you worry.
No.
I'll be able to get 'em to do it on straight time.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Sure.
Thank you very much.
Goodbye.
Jesus Christ.
Agh! Oh, God! Silletti!