Running for my Truth: Alex Schwazer (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

1
[somber ambient music playing]
Doping cases
vary greatly.
Especially when you have
a story like mine.
When you win the Olympics,
everything changes.
[crowd roaring and cheering]
To be honest,
I felt like I was at my peak.
[reporter] Italian racewalker Schwazer
stopped for doping.
They were merciless to Schwazer.
As an athlete, they've killed him.
Sometimes I didn't know
how to make it to the next day.
[tense music playing]
I was afraid he'd lose his mind.
I said, "My goodness, something's wrong."
I did what he asked me to
because I trusted him.
[man 1 in Italian]
I hope the news isn't leaked.
There'd be an international outcry.
This kraut has to be killed.
[in English] It wasn't a sports story.
It was a scary Mafia story.
If they prove Alex was framed,
the anti-doping system collapses.
Question whether you think
I'm always doped.
I won't abandon you like they did.
Oil and water mixed for a common goal.
Winning the Rio Olympic Games.
I'm for expulsion.
[reporter in Italian]
The coach himself said,
"Those responsible
for this sporting murder
should be sought inside the IAAF."
[in English] The suffering
we've endured is atrocious.
They've damaged this sport
much more than I have.
[man 2] He's dealing with
ruthless people against him.
But they're all afraid of him,
because they know he is unbeatable.
[dramatic music swelling]
ALEX SCHWAZER: RUNNING FOR MY TRUTH
CALICE
ITALY
[soft ambient music playing]
[Alex] My relationship with hard work
started when I was a child.
But I never perceived it as
painful.
More like an inner challenge.
We would climb mountain peaks,
sometimes 3,500 meters high,
at 11 to 12 years of age.
And for me, it was a natural thing.
I'm pretty sure if a child tells you
he's walked for ten hours,
you'll say he's crazy.
But for me, at the time, it was normal.
And I really loved going to a place
not everyone can get to.
And I truly believe that my passion
for long distances was born there,
in my childhood.
[Alex] Racewalking is different
from other sports.
You have to sweat,
but you must also respect two rules.
The contact with the terrain
and a straight knee position.
Difficult, I'd say.
A racewalker doing the 50K
walks like that for almost four hours.
At the same time, you think,
"How do I put my foot down?"
"How is the thrust?"
It's an even higher level of difficulty.
That's why I think
racewalking is so fascinating.
[sound of crowd roaring]
[pulsing percussive beats playing]
BEIJING
2008 OLYMPICS
[Alex] I went to
the Olympics in Beijing to win.
You can't let yourself to be overwhelmed
by the atmosphere because
because you're there
to conclude your mission.
[crowd roaring]
[Alex] For the race,
I wanted to be the first in my group.
Because if you want to win,
you have to be in front.
It was nighttime here and I was alone.
ICE SKATER
Watching the race,
and I stayed up all night.
[woman] I saw him in a group.
I said, "Oh, good."
"If he stays in a group, he's okay."
"But alone, he might collapse."
I had a serious health issue.
Inflammation to both my tibiales.
Everyone thinks it was
an easy and simple race.
I was thinking "How is he? Is he okay?"
I was very nervous.
In the middle of the race,
I wanted to quit.
And nobody knows this.
But I thought about
all the sacrifices I had made.
So I set small goals.
And got back on track,
one kilometer at a time.
One lap at a time.
One opponent at a time.
There were fewer in front of me now.
There were three of us.
We were passing a refreshment point.
That's when I thought,
"If I go for it now,
get some distance and go to the front,
I will overcome the pain in my tibiales."
Because once
you're leading at the Olympics,
after 40 kilometers, you won't stop.
It's impossible.
[Marie Louise]
That's where I saw his energy.
"Today I want to show everyone."
And I realized,
"Damn, today he's really gonna do it."
My coach said, "It's a medal."
"I don't care about a medal.
I want to win."
[emotional string music playing]
[crowd cheering]
[arena announcer speaking indistinctly]
[yelling]
[Marie Louise]
Then, when I saw him arrive
[crowd roaring]
I was overwhelmed.
It was amazing.
For a mother, it's really amazing.
[Alex] As I entered the stadium,
I kissed a mourning patch I was wearing.
Because my grandfather had just died,
and I wanted him to be with me
during the race.
He looked at the sky and said,
"I did it, Grandpa."
[commentator in Italian]
For the final meters towards glory,
towards extraordinary success
in this 50-kilometer walk.
These are the final meters
for Alex Schwazer.
With a wave of his hand,
he crosses the finish line.
Gold medal for Alex Schwazer.
Twenty-three years old. Gold medal
[in English] I thought
"This will be the most beautiful moment
of your life."
I wanted to freeze time.
I felt at the top
of what I could achieve.
[crowd cheering]
[in Italian] I'm so thr [sobbing]
I'm so excited.
We can see. But we know why.
Because you knew you were the best.
And on the last lap outside,
I started crying.
We understand. It's an emotion
that's too strong to describe.
I don't know.
I was feeling good today. [coughs]
I wanted to win because
because I deserve it, because
I'm someone who doesn't cheat.
I can assure you of that.
And that's already a lot.
[crowd cheering]
[band playing Italian national anthem]
[cheers fade out]
[in English] The best moment
is after the race.
The anti-doping, the interviews,
the press conference
You go back to your room and you're alone.
For a moment, alone.
And you have the time
to realize what happened.
Before, you didn't have time.
After, there's no time.
Because a journalist is asking
if I'm the fiancé of Carolina Kostner.
I wanted to keep our relationship private.
But, obviously, being a public figure,
I knew this couldn't be possible.
[woman] I met Alex because I was working
as Carolina Kostner's manager.
Carolina had won far less than him.
ALEX SCHWAZER'S MANAGER
But she was like a very famous fairy.
["Clair de Lune" by Debussy playing]
[crowd applauding]
[Giulia] It bothered her that she was
far more recognized than Alex,
even after he won the Olympic medal.
And that's because
she loved him.
[reporter in Italian]
What wouldn't we do for love?
From the long walk in Beijing,
to the ice skates
on the Corvara Ice Stadium rink.
Alex looked great on the skates.
He'll be the next talent.
[Alex in English] We never perceived
we were different from other couples.
We never sought
extraordinary things, you know?
The media portrayed us like that
to keep it interesting for viewers.
[in Italian] The Ice Princess
and the Emperor of racewalking,
Carolina Kostner, Alex Schwazer!
[reporter] They're already famous,
but they're set to become
one of the most popular
and fashionable couples of 2009.
Authentic when talking about their love,
which blossomed a month
before the Beijing Olympics.
[Carolina in English]
Seeing a couple from the outside
and living it from the inside
are completely different.
It was hard because we had important goals
with a long-distance relationship.
We didn't see each other much.
[in Italian] Love is very important.
It's like winning a gold medal every day.
[in English]
Carolina was added value for Alex,
in terms of promotion,
both for Alex and his sport.
- Alex Schwazer!
- [audience cheers]
[Giulia] He participated in Zelig,
and various shows where
he could show his charming, fun side.
[in Italian] Go!
- Our treadmill! Sturmtruppen!
- Yes! Why not?
I love glasses. I love glasses.
[TV host] You like them?
[cheering and laughter]
[somber music playing]
[in English] It was an exhausting time.
It got to the point where
I wasn't able to eat for weeks.
A very stressful period.
I could never relax.
I just wanted to
enjoy my victory, but instead
I felt like I was being
given away to someone, again and again.
[Marie Louise] After Beijing, he was sad.
I think he could have done with a break.
He needed to stop. He was empty.
[in Italian] This attention
has been something really special.
But now, life goes on.
I need to start training properly again
to achieve new results.
[in English] Eventually, everything
around me made me sad,
and it made me think a lot.
When I eventually left for training,
I was even more tired than when
I got to the finish line in Beijing.
I was fed up. With everything.
[tense, discordant music playing]
[music halts]
ROME
[man 1] When Schwazer won the Olympics,
my career as a coach
had been over for 20 years,
due to my struggles with doping.
[hinge creaking]
He was surely familiar with my story.
But he didn't realize the consequences
my actions would have on him.
[man 2] Sandro Donati is a unique figure
in the world of athletes.
He simply can't be labeled.
PRESIDENT OF CONI
One of the features that made him
so special is his commitment,
which I'd call obsessive, spasmodic,
maybe even irrational,
in his fight against doping.
Doping and sport,
an extremely topical issue.
"SPORT TODAY" 1986
Today, we wanted to invite
to our studio Professor Francesco Conconi,
Director of the Sports Research Center
in Ferrara, and Director
[in English] It was fall 1981.
I had never met Mr. Conconi.
I'd only heard about him.
Then, one day, he came to me and said,
"Look, before others tell you,
I'll tell you."
"I carry out, on behalf
of the Athletics Federation,
other federations, and CONI,
the following practices."
And he listed a number of things
that shocked me because
I would never have imagined that doping
was directly organized by
the highest sport's institutions.
Plus, they were my employers.
I thought, "Is this what
high-level sport is?"
"How can I continue working here?"
UNIVERSITY OF FERRARA BIOMEDICAL
RESEARCH CENTER OF SPORTS
[man 3] Conconi's lab received
public funding to finance
studies of unclear intent.
Athletes that would race
with hyper-oxygenated blood.
This went on for several years.
JOURNALIS
It was a huge ethical contradiction,
regarding the state
and its research institutions.
[host in Italian] Professor, they call
you Dr. Miracle of Italian sport.
[Francesco] There are definitely
no miracles in sport.
It's not like we come along
with a magic wand,
and they suddenly become good.
In Ferrara, you've been
experimenting with blood transfusions.
Yes, with many others. Maybe we later
[dialogue fades out]
[in English] It was an exaggeration
of the concept of care,
which, while legal at the time,
would be outlawed years later.
Once it became clear it was unethical.
This blood transfusion was powerful.
Athletes were called
to the Ferrara laboratory.
A substantial amount of their blood
was taken from them.
Their blood was treated, and this mush,
as we could call it,
was stored at 90 degrees below zero.
After that, right before the race,
a reintroduction was carried out,
so the blood became more solid,
creating a very dangerous
situation at that moment.
The athlete injected with
this massive amount of red blood cells
had greatly improved resistance.
As to the benefits of this injection,
the athlete could have an advantage
of 30 to 40 seconds
in a 10,000-meter race,
and three to four minutes in a marathon.
[TV announcer in Italian]
Cova wins. Cova.
ATHENS 1982
EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIPS 10,000 METERS
Cova is fantastic! Amazing! Cova wins!
[host] You don't want to reveal
your secrets, obviously.
[Francesco] To be honest,
I have no secrets.
If you ask me,
"What the hell are you doing in Ferrara?"
Well, I'll tell you that training
is no longer being left to chance,
to the trainer's intuition.
[Sandro in English]
Finally, Conconi asked me,
"Have you selected the athletes
we'll use for the transfusion?"
I said, "Not happening."
That started a tug of war.
At first, the director
tried to persuade me,
then he said, "With your training methods,
at most you'll get one to the finals,
but who do you think will care about
an athlete who's made it to the finals?"
"People only care about
our athletes winning medals."
And by "our athletes," he meant
those treated by Conconi.
That's when I realized
I wasn't an Italian anymore.
That I was an anti-Italian.
That was the mark of my country.
That was the main value being pursued.
[crowd cheering]
[Marco] Mr. Conconi handled the majority
of Italian endurance athletes,
who actually won often.
Officially, these athletes
went to the Ferrara center
for evaluations on their health.
[Sandro] These athletes were
callously treated like guinea pigs,
so if one got sick,
they'd start treating another.
FEBRUARY 9TH, 1982
TURIN
[announcer in Italian]
attacking Costa on the outside.
Pimazzoni in front of him,
attacking Costa.
Pimazzoni, Costa, and Cova on the inside!
Cosa wins, Cova second, Pimazzoni third.
[in English]
Fulvio Costa was a Venetian runner
from the province of Vicenza.
One day, he arrived,
his face was all swollen,
his eyes almost closed.
He barely managed
to do a lap on the track,
when he stopped acutely in pain.
The same night,
he was taken to the hospital.
His blood values dropped violently,
until, a few weeks later, he died.
That incident really upset me.
I said, "Look, lately a lot of athletes
have been getting blood transfusions."
"I wonder if he did too?"
"Oh, we don't know about that.
He was bitten by a dog."
No real answers.
THE MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF FULVIO COSTA
DOG BITE OR BLOOD TRANSFUSION?
[Marco] There was never an admission
to using blood transfusions.
Although it has much been discussed,
objectively, this transfusion
has never been proven.
[Sandro] Later, I worked on this case
and I tried to gather
as much data as possible.
The most incredible thing was
the testimony of a professor from Vicenza
who had trained him,
to whom, on his deathbed, he said,
"Professor, what did they do to my blood?"
One could say he had it coming.
But I could never say that.
He was a wonderful boy.
Passionate about athletics.
No one explained to him
the dangers of the procedure.
And these cowards just vanished.
He was alone.
[birdsong]
[somber ambient music playing]
After Beijing, I kept
everything inside.
[echoing yell]
I made it.
I had gone beyond my childhood dream.
Participating in the Olympics.
[music intensifies]
It takes courage
at 23 years of age,
after winning the only gold medal
in the Italian athletics team,
to say, "Guys, training
has become a burden to me."
[heavy breaths echoing]
It takes courage to say,
"Given the situation,
I will stop for a year."
I can't quit now.
The best years of my life are ahead of me.
I began suspecting Schwazer
because I was highly influenced
by the figure of his lifetime coach,
Sandro Damilano.
[Alex] Sandro Damilano
was close with Mr. Conconi.
So he took me to him.
Conconi told me,
"He's come to me for a few tests."
But keep it a secret.
People will start asking,
"Why is he visiting Conconi?"
[Sandro] When Conconi
moved to phase B using EPO,
a drug that was designed to increase
the level of the red blood cells,
Conconi was both doping
and hunting athletes who doped.
There are irrefutable facts that,
before him, no one had dared to point out.
TRAINER
ITALIAN PARLIAMEN
[in Italian]
Professor Conconi applied doping
to a very large number of athletes
from various sports.
He was the one who initiated the use
of EPO in Italy and in the world.
He was giving athletes EPO
with his left hand,
and with his right hand,
the CIO had tasked him with researching
a method of detecting EPO in urine.
We have reached a point
of total ambiguity.
There are unbelievable developments
in the investigation into doping in sport.
[reporter] In Ferrara,
in the university biomedical center,
a criminal organization was operating,
financed by CONI.
Francesco Conconi,
Dean of the University of Ferrara,
is the main suspect.
Prosecutors claim he was meant
to be studying anti-doping methods,
but was instead experimenting
and doping athletes for money.
[Marco in English]
The idea that Sandro Damilano,
the guru of Italian racewalking,
took an athlete of that level
to Francesco Conconi,
is emblematic of the way
Italian sports works.
Even if he was acquitted
because of statute of limitations,
he still remains someone
not to be associated with.
[Alex] I had a few concerns.
I didn't see the need to work
alongside a person
with such an ambiguous
history.
But at the same time, I couldn't
say no to Sandro Damilano.
I was only 22.
[Marie Louise]
Damilano was like a father to him.
He made him grow and feel protected.
Like he wasn't alone.
You become really close with someone
when the two of you work hard together.
[in Italian] If you are always
working closely with the boy,
you spend the whole day together,
the good times and the bad,
there are all these little details
that create close bonds.
[in English] I remember
after the Olympics,
I read in the Gazette that Damilano
was coaching the Chinese.
I felt disappointed
because Alex didn't know about that.
[Alex] They arrived in Saluzzo
at the racewalking center,
and trained with me.
Some of them were my opponents.
He felt a bit abandoned.
That's when Alex started feeling bad,
because he didn't see it coming.
At night,
I started eating.
Ravenously.
It was the only moment
I felt some pleasure inside of me.
[Marco] Once the glory
of the Olympic triumph waned,
Alex started dealing with real life,
where it is harder to stay in shape,
and where the relationship
with your coach is more complicated.
Alex was on his own.
I can't say [hesitates]
that there really were elements
that made me particularly worried.
[Alex] Sometimes she was very cold.
I showed up to her competition
once as a surprise.
And when she saw me,
she almost didn't
She almost didn't say hi.
As if I had disrupted her routine.
Sometimes stressful situations
are hard to manage.
I went to Turin once
to watch Carolina do a show.
[tense music playing]
[Alex] After the show,
I had to stop on the highway.
I was sweating.
I pulled over at a rest area.
And threw up.
Even though I hadn't eaten.
Then I knew.
My situation was absurd.
I told myself
"I should change something."
But my thinking has always been
[Alex panting]
"I should change something
so that I can continue my training."
Not to feel to better
or to find a better balance.
I had to keep being
an athlete.
[Alex panting]
[man] I was afraid he'd lose his mind.
He was always training.
ALEX'S FATHER
Nothing else existed.
Not a single night going out
with his friends to grab a beer.
Never.
Training, shower,
sleep, food, training.
[scoffs]
He needed a break,
but he kept training, competing.
And he lost himself somehow.
BERLIN 2009
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS 50 KM
[suspenseful music playing]
[Alex] I got to the 2009
Berlin World Championship
with more training behind me
than the previous year.
But despite it all, when I got there,
I wasn't exhausted.
I was worse.
[announcer in Italian] Our attention
is on the guy we're seeing in shot here,
who gifted us
a wonderful medal in Beijing.
[Alex in English] After the Olympics,
everyone expected me to win
the World Championships too.
It shows the media and the federation
know nothing about
what's going on in an athlete's life.
Nothing.
[announcer in Italian]
Here's Alex Schwazer.
The Olympic champion stops.
And here ends the dreams of not only Alex,
but all Italian athletics.
[Alex in English]
I quit halfway through and left.
Alone.
Sure, defeats are tough.
Especially in a sport where the training
is very long and exhausting.
After watching her compete so many times,
it hurt when she said, "I won't come."
It made me feel lonely.
[in Italian] I'm not sure I've ever been
as ashamed as I am now in my life.
I'm sorry for all those
who came here and supported me.
I retired today
because I had nothing left in the tank.
[in English] After the race,
I called my sponsor
to apologize for
my unacceptable performance.
I said, "Either I'll change something,
or I'll quit."
He said, "If you want,
I can talk to Ferrari."
MEXICO CITY 1984
HOUR RECORD
[upbeat music playing]
[Marco] In 1984, Francesco Moser,
a famous Italian cycler,
attempted a record that no one
had challenged for 20 years.
The Hour record.
So he hires a scientific team as support,
led by Francesco Conconi.
Then Moser shatters the Hour record.
[announcer in Italian] A triumph
for Francesco Moser! The Hour record!
[Marco in English]
The staff included Michele Ferrari,
a young graduate in medicine
and follower of Francesco Conconi.
[man in Italian] The choice
to use Moser was made
based on the value of the athlete.
That is, the notoriety of the athlete.
And obviously, the fact Francesco Moser
was attempting the Hour record
sounded much better to the press
and for public opinion,
much better than
if another less famous athlete had.
[Sandro in English]
Months later, I went to Mexico City
and made friends with a connection
to the Italian embassy.
He said, "When Francesco Moser came here,
his blood was transported
by Conconi and a diplomat."
"And in this hotel,
the blood transfusion took place."
He even told me the room number.
[reporter in Italian]
Can we talk about a new era for cycling?
[Michele] The traditional cultural
expertise has now been enriched
with new methods,
new assists
that can help athletes' performances.
[in English] Michele Ferrari
trained the 50 best cyclists
of the last two decades.
[announcer in Italian] We have never seen
Italians dominate like this!
It is the triumph of the preparation
of the Italian school.
[Marco in English]
A journalist says to him,
"It's been said
that someone is using EPO."
He replies in a provocative manner.
"I wouldn't have any qualms."
"EPO is like orange juice."
"In small quantities,
it can be beneficial."
"In high doses, it can hurt."
This caused an uproar,
and the character of Dr. Legend was born.
[reporter in French] a protest
[man in English] When Lance Armstrong
decided he was going to dope,
the man that he turned to
was Dr. Michele Ferrari.
JOURNALIS
Because Ferrari had a reputation
for being the best.
[Marco] Ferrari's magic
was his power of attraction.
Some of the best cyclists in the world
followed Dr. Legend's instructions
as if he was a high-level
evangelical preacher.
[David] Ferrari wanted to be
the best doper.
He wanted to be the doctor
that whose riders never tested positive,
whose riders would take EPO,
but be made to realize.
I knew Ferrari was controversial
because of the doping.
He would have cast a bad light on me.
But at the same time I thought,
"What are the alternatives?"
[tense ambient music playing]
[engine starts]
[Marco] Michele Ferrari had this camper.
What was it for?
Well, it allowed him to move
stealthily across the country,
and it was a small mobile lab.
[Alex] If you want to dope,
don't go to Ferrari.
He's more monitored than almost anyone.
[Marco] Michele Ferrari was red-flagged.
You'd get in trouble
for hanging out with him.
[Alex] Right away,
we discussed the doping issue.
And he said,
"I saw you in Beijing."
"Someone like you doesn't need doping."
"Because you sure
have a talent others don't."
Ferrari was fascinated by pure talent,
and he recognized that in Alex.
They became close with one another.
[Alex] We'd usually communicate by email.
He asked me to use a different name.
Alfred Reiner.
The fact he decided
to be called Alfred Reiner,
it's clear he felt uneasy
dealing with someone like Ferrari.
Alex only told me about a doctor,
someone giving him advice.
He said, "It helps and he understands me."
Why does Alex
have to tell Michele Ferrari, his coach,
that he bought olive oil?
I don't think Michele Ferrari
was interested in Alex's groceries.
We know that some American
athletes have accused Dr. Ferrari
of prescribing them with
what was assumed to be olive oil
together with testosterone,
because olive oil supposedly would
facilitate the absorption of testosterone.
A thesis I've never seen
scientifically confirmed.
But still, these athletes did take
testosterone together with olive oil.
Ferrari is very precise about training,
and even more precise about weight.
[starting pistol fires]
[Alex] He gave me a diet. That's all.
Even that was a bit of a problem,
because I don't like to diet
all year round.
[Marco] After achieving the fifth-best
time ever in a 20-km racewalk,
Alex calls Michele Ferrari.
[phone line beeps]
- [Michele in Italian] Hello?
- [Alex] Hi!
- [Michele] So, how did it go?
- [Alex] It went really well.
Other than the Russians, everyone I'll see
in Barcelona for the 20 was here,
and I won by one minute.
[Michele] So you won clearly.
What counts is confronting your opponent.
Are you leaving now?
[Alex] We just left.
We should be there for about eight.
[Michele] Whoever arrives first waits.
I'm at the Verona North exit
with the van. Bye.
[Alex] All right.
Bye, Michele. See you later.
[Marco in English] The idea that
an Olympic gold medal winner
and his partner, Carolina Kostner,
met a doctor inside a camper
at a rest area near Verona is incredible.
[somber ambient music playing]
[Marco] It raises emotions between
being upset, astonished, and sad.
BARCELONA 2010
[announcer in Italian]
Welcome to this first race
of the European Championships
in Barcelona.
EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIPS 20 KM
[in English] In Barcelona,
he looked stressed and very sad.
[crowd cheering]
The silver medal in Barcelona
was a bad experience for me.
At the time,
I was feeling superior to everyone else.
Second place wasn't good enough for me.
[announcer in Italian] The Russian wins
the title of European champion.
Silver medal for Alex Schwazer.
[Marie Louise in English] He should have
been happy with second place.
But he didn't react.
Not a single reaction.
His mind was somewhere else.
[Joseph] I said,
"Alex, where's your medal?"
"Oh, I don't know,
look in the trash bags."
And his medal really was there,
in the trash.
"It's second place. Didn't win."
"Only victory matters."
"Second place is first of the losers."
You won't see a picture
after the 20K race where I'm smiling.
I thought, "My goodness,
this isn't working."
EARTHQUAKE OVERWHELMS SPOR
INQUIRES SAY FERRARI
IS AT HEAD OF CRIMINAL SYSTEM
[reporter in Italian] In the sport world,
this man's name isn't new
due to his strong connection with doping.
APRIL 22ND, 2011
Investigators have been following
his camper van clinic,
where he meets athletes beyond the city,
beyond any inspections,
and this is where they collared Alex.
[in English] Schwazer had developed
a controversial relationship
with Michele Ferrari,
which he broke off when Ferrari
went under investigation.
[Alex] When this scandal
came out about him, I got scared.
I thought, "I have to break it off."
He was very disappointed and sad.
He locked himself in his room.
He didn't talk to anyone.
And he said,
"Mom, I can't take this anymore."
"If it continues like this,
I'll jump out of the window."
Schwazer added on
another negative situation.
He started training by himself.
[propulsive instrumental music playing]
[Sandro] Far too much.
Collapsing from exhaustion.
[Alex] I felt empty inside.
I got to the point where,
in my daily routines,
I couldn't even do the smallest things.
It was a huge effort.
[Carolina] I tried to be encouraging.
I said, "Remember that
you are and will always be
an Olympic champion."
"It's the dream of every athlete.
Don't forget that."
[tense music playing]
[birdsong]
[Alex] In this period, I
had a classic case of
falling into bad depression.
Schwazer had fallen into isolation,
into a state of loneliness.
And he started fixating
on the Russian matter.
- [crowd roaring]
- [discordant music playing]
When I was deep in the tunnel
[announcer in Italian]
The gold goes to Russia,
who've cleaned up in racewalking.
Gold, gold, gold.
[in English] around 2011
[announcer in Italian] Extraordinary
performance from the Russian, Borcin.
Russia come in first and second.
[in English]
that evening, after the race,
I spoke to the Russian athletes,
and they told me what they were doing.
"Training, eating vitamins, doping."
Those were their words.
They were telling their biggest
opponent what they were doing.
That's when I realized
it was normal for them.
And that they did it without interference.
[discordant music swells]
So, this encounter increased
the rage inside me.
I had to dope.
And when I make a decision
I never turn back.
Once I made the decision,
I had two problems to solve.
How to get the dope,
and how to do it.
If you do it by yourself,
you must be clearheaded.
You have to
justify to yourself
the fact you're doing something wrong.
Forbidden.
I ordered testosterone from a website.
I tried it, but didn't feel any different.
But I was sure with EPO,
I would have felt the effect.
The doping effect is present.
I had to test EPO
before the races in Lugano.
[intense instrumental music playing]
I ran the 20K in Lugano.
[announcer in Italian]
It is a perfect performance!
1:17:30!
It's stratospheric!
A thousand meters in 3.33.
I'd never done a kilometer
in 3.33 ever before that.
[reporter in Italian] Alex, let's start
commenting on this extraordinary race.
To be honest,
I don't know what to say either.
[in English]
I lowered my Italian record a lot.
[in Italian] But to do 1:17:30,
I honestly didn't expect that.
I'm also quite surprised myself.
[in English] I figured using this drug
would give me a huge advantage.
For me, this trial phase
was over, you know?
The 1st of April I had an
anti-doping check.
About ten days later,
another check came.
[inhales sharply]
I'd never had anti-doping checks
in such rapid succession.
"Something's not right.
I can see trouble coming."
I was terrified.
I was going to be
under special observation.
You know?
[ominous music playing]
[Alex] I wasn't always sure
how to make it to the next day.
You're living a nightmare.
And you know by now that you
will never wake up from this nightmare.
And no one can help you,
because you know very well
that the following day,
you'll have to deal with it alone,
once again.
The days when you are in
that situation are very long.
They are very long.
Those are days when
you sleep
little, not at all, or poorly.
[Marie Louise] Alex was in his room
with a bag by his side.
I go in, and tell him,
"Alex, what's wrong? Are you sick?"
Because I was shocked. I was really upset.
I removed this bag,
which was next to him,
and the bag was very heavy.
I say, "Alex, what have
you put in this bag?"
And he tells me,
"There are stones inside."
I look at him, and I'm like,
"Sorry, Alex, what are you planning
to do with all these stones?"
And he's like, "Mom, I wanted to jump out
of the window,
because I can't take it anymore."
"Why didn't I do it? For you."
"Because I don't want to hurt you."
"Because I know that you will suffer."
"You've always been there for me,
but I can't handle this."
And then, you keep wondering.
[clicks tongue]
"How far have you gone?"
Because not even four years ago,
I won in the Olympics.
I had it all.
All.
So, it's a personal defeat.
You feel it inside.
And you know you can't go back.
[Sandro] I was seeing a strange career.
Little participation in competitions,
poor performance.
I knew there were underlying problems.
I just didn't know what.
So I again started looking into
Schwazer's case
before the 2012 Olympic Games in London,
when I heard that Schwazer
was going to spend the preceding month
in Oberstdorf,
at his girlfriend
Carolina Kostner's place,
where he would spend the whole time
training on his own.
Additionally, during his stay in London,
he would receive accommodation
outside the Olympic Village.
This was disturbing.
No national federation
would leave one of its best athletes
alone for a month before the Olympics.
At that point I thought
that in London,
it would have been better
to come in fifth,
but with doping,
like the Russians did,
because that had become
an obsession for me.
More than winning again.
Winning clean, like four years before.
I swore this to myself.
And I went through with it.
[Sandro] So I flagged the situation
to the World Anti-Doping Agency,
with which I collaborated,
commenting about this strange
and suspicious behavior.
OBERSTDORF, GERMANY
3 DAYS BEFORE THE STAR
OF THE LONDON OLYMPICS
[Alex] It was a surprise,
because the day before the check,
I had declared I was going
to be back home.
From Oberstdorf,
I would have driven back to Calice.
There was a skating contest in Oberstdorf,
where Carolina was competing,
and after the competition,
together with other skaters,
we went out for a drink.
At some point during the night, I decided
I wasn't in the condition to drive home,
so I told her, "I'll go back tomorrow."
[tense ambient music playing]
The next day at 6:00 a.m.,
the doorbell rings.
And I thought "This can't be."
"They probably haven't seen
my change of plans."
I briefly tried to explain
the situation to Carolina,
telling her, "Please, open the door."
"Tell the inspector that my on-call
availability is elsewhere."
[Carolina] All athletes are required
to declare to the Anti-Doping Agency
their exact location and address
every day of the year.
And he declared that he would be staying
at his home address,
but instead he had stayed at my house.
She had to explain that on the paper
I had declared Calice.
So, I was in Calice.
But I wasn't in Calice. I was here.
So she had to lie.
I did what he asked because I trusted him.
[Alex] She went down the stairs,
they talked.
Then she came back up and I explained
the situation more clearly.
[Sandro] The inspectors waited in the car,
and soon they saw
Carolina Kostner walking by,
carrying a phone in her hand.
She was saying, "Oh, you're here?
Look, Alex is on the phone."
And Schwazer told them, "I'm at home."
"I left for Italy,
so you can find me in Italy."
[Alex] The inspector
in Oberstdorf clearly noticed
that in the parking lot there were
two cars with an Italian plate.
One of which was mine.
[Carolina] I told him, "I have training."
"I can't stay here at home."
"So go and pack all your stuff,
go back home,
and just get your test done."
"When I come back,
I don't want to see you again."
[tense music continues]
[ominous theme music playing]
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